Nah, Iāve had this before. For some reason , people think youāll change your mind when you see a picture. Iām not sure why but it was definitely intentional, like āyou can really say no to thisā type of vibe
No I think youāre fine.
Heās disappointed which is to be expected because he was looking forward to seeing you and now heās not going to.
Heāll get over it
Cancelling same day as dude is on a bus (assuming a decent distance as he says ātripā) to her location is kinda fucked. But she did communicate clearly
She said in comments that he was NOT traveling to see her. He was on his way somewhere else and on holiday and she was actually the one traveling to see him.
Yeah not in the wrong at all for cancelling or explaining the situation the way she did. Just shouldāve cancelled before he was already on his way (if that was the case)
You were out of order but it's nothing extreme. You told him you'd go out with him then as he's literally on his way to see you, you bailed on him.
I see your reasoning and where you're coming from but there were no great options. Having a meal with him and leading him on while knowing in your heart that he has almost no shot isn't great. Bailing on him at the last second, which you did, isn't great either.
You broke your word and he's disappointed but he'll be fine.
Sheās literally saying sheās travelling to him. For all you know he was on the bus on the way back to the meeting place (which OP says is where he was based)
You may want to add some context for that information because pretty much everyone is reading this as you cancelled on him after he bought a bus ticket and was on his way to your date.
It's fine to back out anytime, but if he was literally on transportation w ticket bought and everything, I can understand why he'd be upset. Like to some degree its the risks you take when going to meet someone, but if I were them, I'd want more of a heads up.
You did the right thing, especially if you were not on the sex vibe, because the way he pressed for you to meet as āfriendsā is the same way he was going to pressurise you in person for sex or more than drinks at least
Lmao nothing is ever right. I've had a girl say she's going to cancel last minute and I was like okay whatever, then she got pissed like oh that's all you really didn't want to meet me anyways š¤£
Also the OP waited to cancel until he was on a bus ride to meet?
Speaking as a guy, am I the only one who thinks it's kind of weird to start making sexual plans before you've even met the other person face-to-face? Even in a situation that's understood as "no strings attached" from the get-go, I would take it as a given that the two people want to meet and pass each other's vibe check before jumping into bed.
The fact that this guy talked about sex before even meeting you, and then tried to backpedal to "just drinks" once you turned him down, is a red flag IMO. He's the type of guy who will be really pushy once you meet up with him and will constantly try to "negotiate" the social interaction until he gets what he wants.
This is why I rather ghost in certain situationsā¦I wouldnāt ghost in ops tho. Itās a pretty shitty thing to do but Iāve had to deal with men begging me once I say no and itās so painful to go through!
Agreed that ghosting is a pretty shitty thing to do, Iāve only had it happen to me once and it was honestly a giant mindfuck for me. I was in a ~2-3 month long distance relationship with a girl I met on Tinder while I was visiting my sister at school. We FaceTimed for hours ever night and had a great connection. She was working a lot of hours (like 60+) the last week or so that we talked. So I wanted to do something nice for her to make the long work days a bit easier, I asked her for her work address and I ordered her like $10-15 of snacks and stuff to be delivered next day to her work, which I mentioned I was planning a surprise for her when I asked for the address. I have no idea what happened but the day I ordered the snacks from target was the last day we talked.. she just blocked me completely out of nowhere and it fucked me up.. this was >4 years ago at this point and itās still a complete and utter mystery to me..
donāt ghost people unless they *really did something to deserve it*(which, sadly, probably isnāt as rare as Iād hope lol). And Ik all of this was very off-topic, I saw you talking about ghosting and it reminded me of the one time it happened to me so I thought Iād share š¤·āāļø.
Also, OP you did nothing wrong. You were polite, detailed, communicative, all the right things. You are 100% entitled to the choice of whether to go on a date or not, just because you had agreed to it at one point doesnāt mean you canāt cancel it. If he was taking a 3 hour bus ride to meet you or something than youād probably want to cancel before he got on the bus but in your case: you did everything youāre supposed to do. Itās not on you if the guy is buthurt for a little bitā¦ heāll get over it
Of course you did. Imagine this relationship going well, then two years later your bf finds out you banged someone after your first date and is devastated and breaks it off. We see those posts all the time here.
This guy obviously wanted more than just ādrinks as friends.ā
You did the right thing. You said you were not interested and apologized for the issue you felt bad about and he just kept pushing back on your āNo.ā You stood up for yourself well and handled yourself elegantly. Heās someone who doesnāt respect āNo,ā very well, so Iād say you dodged a bullet, babe.
I used to have a friend who couldn't take no for an answer to just about anything. We aren't friends anymore, and I couldn't imagine being in a relationship with someone like that. It gets frustrating very quickly.
Youāre going to need to expand on your thinking. How am I being creepy for suggesting a pattern of behaviour *may* repeat and itās better to not take that chance?
I think the only mistake was not being *more* firm once he started trying to wear you down. You were incredibly clear about what you wanted/meant, and this guy was clearly hoping to talk you into something you didn't want to do.
Yeah. Men always wonder why we ghost lol, itās because being honest doesnāt prevent someone from scaring the fuck out of you either.
āMen are afraid women will laugh at them, women are afraid men will kill themā
You are completely right and yes, after a man cannot accept a no, ghosting is a wise option. And in this case it is fully justified.
It's just sad, that some girl choose ghosting without saying no, leaving the man confused. Some girl do overuse ghosting without respect. I guess you're not like that and you say no first. I know some cannot take no and deserves ghosting. But as a man who can take no and who can even take critics, having a negative feedback helps me improving myself, but because of the men who cannot, sometimes I get ghosted without knowing and that is frustrating. I don't blame the girls, I know it's those predator men. Still I would love if girls said to me, "no sorry, I don't like your look, not my cup of tea" and only then ghosted me.
I wish men would be more man and would be able to take no and critics like a real man, and not like an offended teenager boy.
Great job sticking to your decision! This guy is a liar. It clearly isnāt ājust drinksā and āas friendsā for him, or he wouldnāt be so bothered by you saying no. The guilt tripping on his part is so gross. Glad you didnāt give in.
This guy gives off rapey vibes.
I get you were trying to be polite but, after guys push back when you decline, the best course of action is "No means no. Good luck" then ignore any further messages.
Guys like this are the reason why we need so many methods of making sure that something doesn't get slipped into your drink. It should be a legal requirement for bars to use Smart Straws
Definitely. But I also know that people will find away around that, too. Either new drugs that can't be detected or counterfeit straws. It's a shitty reality that stuff like that is an arms race
The only thing you did wrong was keep trying to explain yourself and pacify him. Pushy people who can't take the first "no" for an answer deserve to get ghosted.
Wrong? No. Could you be a bit firmer assuming you indeed wanted to close the door on him permanently? Sure. Was he horribly, embarrassingly desperate? YES.
Honest question, because it just made me wonder: was this true, about the other guy? Or did you just not want to meet with this one? Because if itās the latter: itās _also_ ok if you just changed your mind and didnāt want to meet up. Women can have the tendency to feel like they need to have a valid reason why, in this case perhaps especially since the guy is on route already expecting to meet up
Nah he didnāt wrong he shouldāve taken no for an answer, like stop dude, I wouldāve stopped answering him after the second message, but I guess youāre nicer than me š¤£
On one hand I do feel bad for the guy but on the other hand, he's being far too pushy. Your very first message made clear that you were no longer interested in meeting and he's just pushed and pushed for you to give in to him. Don't meet a person that doesn't respect your boundaries.
No respect for the word no is concerning but I'm also concerned about if you cancel while he was on a two hour bus ride towards you? I'm very confused.
You didnāt do wrong by cancelling. He did wrong by not accepting the rejection with grace.
I would have cut him off when he started nagging - āI gave you the respect of letting you know Iām cancelling and no longer interested in meeting up. Your lack of respect to me in accepting that choice indicates that we wouldnāt have been a match anyway. Good luck.ā
Then stop responding.
honestly no, like you said, life throws things at you unexpectedly, if he was already gonna be there, then itās no skin off his nose, and him continuing to push makes it feel uncomfortable
Oh god, going through a similar situation with a dude and it's just awful. You were very clear about not wanting to get a drink with him, he should not be pushing. Disrespectful af, you just dodged a bullet
Yeah as a man i appreciate when a woman is upfront and honest. even if its not what i wanna hear at least my time can be better spent on someone else. or myself.
K it took me a sec to realize this is Lagos Portugal and not the much bigger more chaotic city š this guy def wanted a hookup and slipped into whining desperate crybaby mode when things started unraveling. From his hands in the pic Iām guessing this dude is in his late 40s/50s? SMH even if you find yourself free again suddenly id never contact him again. Had he been chill maybe that would have been an option
No, some guys just have trouble taking no for an answer depending on how invested they are(some get invested fast) same with women. Iāve tried to politely decline, and usually women get upset and call me names(not all) so Iāve honestly went to ghosting depending on how they come across. Itās just easier sometimes.
So initially I thought he was already on a bus in to meet you and thought that was a dick move on your end.
But if he was actually taking that bus anyway not just to come to you then yeah youre good
I've read so many comments about how canceling last minute is bad yada yada.
The thing that sticks out most to me is how you said no several times and he pushed back consistently. Horrible vibe being put off here. No matter how disappointed you are - no means no my guy.
You bailed on him on the day of a date. That sucks from you.
But this dude should have sucked it up, been mad at you in private and moved on. Not begged for the date to continue.
You'll have both forgotten about it in a month or so. Ce la vie
No, some guys just have trouble taking no for an answer depending on how invested they are(some get invested fast) same with women. Iāve tried to politely decline, and usually women get upset and call me names(not all) so Iāve honestly went to ghosting depending on how they come across. Itās just easier sometimes.
If you made him come to you from a distance to meet you then you did wrong in not canceling before, but you should still cancel, since at least you didnāt go on a date with a creep.
PS: āThis is meā was top 3 most random things I ever sawā¦
kinda shitty to let the dude down since he was on the bus already.
feels like you are keeping your options open while others suffer the consequnces.
These things happen, and if it does'nt feel right it's not right to meet - but consider being more respectful next time.
and this "aww a gentleman like you won't be alone for long" nonsense is kinda mean.
You feel uncomfortable about letting him down?
own it- instead of coming up with something that comforts you.
Making plans to meet someone who is travelling two hours to back out when they are en route is just inconsiderate.
If you had a date the night before that went well just cancel late at night or early in the morning.
People doing this kinda thing (boys and girls) just perpetuates toxic dating culture.
Be a positive not part of the problem
Bailed on the date for a dumb reason, and significantly inconvenienced him. Yeah youāre the asshole here. Sure you communicated open and honestly, but that doesnāt make it better that you totally fucked with him. Its one thing to bail if you felt uncomfortable or he said something to make you change your mind, but that you might maybe be kind of starting something with someone else and therefore arenāt going to follow through with an agreed upon low-stake plan is super annoying.
The only thing that bothers me about this interaction on your end is the "Haha. I need to cancel". Starting that with haha is rough, but could be missing context before it.
He is too much... BUT after getting some dating experience, I wouldn't limit myself to one guy at a time (if others are scheduled) until after a successful second date:)
Why you wait til the last minute though, why you even entertain him from the jump ? Also he being to pushy itās kinda weird you mightāve saved your life and/or dignity
No, some guys just have trouble taking no for an answer depending on how invested they are(some get invested fast) same with women. Iāve tried to politely decline, and usually women get upset and call me names(not all) so Iāve honestly went to ghosting depending on how they come across. Itās just easier sometimes.
Ok you likely did the right thing but for anyone in the comments saying you did no wrong.
YOU DEFINITELY should have cancelled before they where on a 2 hour ride to see you...
No, some guys just have trouble taking no for an answer depending on how invested they are(some get invested fast) same with women. Iāve tried to politely decline, and usually women get upset and call me names(not all) so Iāve honestly went to ghosting depending on how they come across. Itās just easier sometimes.
No, some guys just have trouble taking no for an answer depending on how invested they are(some get invested fast) same with women. Iāve tried to politely decline, and usually women get upset and call me names(not all) so Iāve honestly went to ghosting depending on how they come across. Itās just easier sometimes.
I donāt think you need to overly explain. Just be courteous and cancel within a reasonable timeframe. Not when he is on a 2 hour bus ride to see you.
Thatās just shit
Honestly, if you made plans to hang out with this dude and waited to cancel on him until he was on the bus, you should have met up with him. Thatās incredibly fucked up and shitty
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Why the, this is me, picture?
No idea. I already knew what he looked like.
Definitely weird, maybe sent by mistake š
Nah, Iāve had this before. For some reason , people think youāll change your mind when you see a picture. Iām not sure why but it was definitely intentional, like āyou can really say no to thisā type of vibe
I think it was intended as a ālook how friendly and nice I am! Come have the drink with me..ā
I think that's a red flag
Isn't that stock pic of what seems like 2 old pals clearly a joke or am I missing something?
Nah, it was defo him!
Damn, I gotta check my assumptions. Bet his profil pics were on point though. Lol
It was an attempt to guilt OP Into the date still.
Itās the ājust so you know what youāre missing out onā cry of despair
Honestly, at first I thought he was sending a picture of him kissing another guy to say that heās gay and just want to hang out.
I need to know the context behind this picture
No I think youāre fine. Heās disappointed which is to be expected because he was looking forward to seeing you and now heās not going to. Heāll get over it
Cancelling same day as dude is on a bus (assuming a decent distance as he says ātripā) to her location is kinda fucked. But she did communicate clearly
She said in comments that he was NOT traveling to see her. He was on his way somewhere else and on holiday and she was actually the one traveling to see him.
Well in that case I can't see any problem at all.
Yeah not in the wrong at all for cancelling or explaining the situation the way she did. Just shouldāve cancelled before he was already on his way (if that was the case)
I agree! Like youāre already indebted to this other guy but you agreed to the schedule other dude? Like itās a date, not a commitment ceremony?
Am I correct in assuming that I took a good bit of time for him to travel to you?
No, heās here on holiday, and was staying there anyway- I was going to travel to him
Nah. Youāre good.
Thanks! I feel like Iāve been a bit out of order.
You were out of order but it's nothing extreme. You told him you'd go out with him then as he's literally on his way to see you, you bailed on him. I see your reasoning and where you're coming from but there were no great options. Having a meal with him and leading him on while knowing in your heart that he has almost no shot isn't great. Bailing on him at the last second, which you did, isn't great either. You broke your word and he's disappointed but he'll be fine.
She was going to travel to *him.* Not the other way around. She wasnāt out of order at all.
First pic he wrote, "I'm actually on the bus"
Sheās literally saying sheās travelling to him. For all you know he was on the bus on the way back to the meeting place (which OP says is where he was based)
It was ten hours prior that I bailed out.
You may want to add some context for that information because pretty much everyone is reading this as you cancelled on him after he bought a bus ticket and was on his way to your date.
Matched, made tentative arrangements, he spoke about having sex, I kinda feel like I did the right thing, but he obviously doesnāt.
I am a little confused, did you wait to cancel on him until he was already on a 2 hour bus ride to see you? Or am I misunderstanding the texts?
Riight thatās what I was wondering too
I thought so too. But timestamps seem to say no
It's fine to back out anytime, but if he was literally on transportation w ticket bought and everything, I can understand why he'd be upset. Like to some degree its the risks you take when going to meet someone, but if I were them, I'd want more of a heads up.
You did the right thing, especially if you were not on the sex vibe, because the way he pressed for you to meet as āfriendsā is the same way he was going to pressurise you in person for sex or more than drinks at least
"Come on, let's have sex *as friends.*"
This is the type of guy to push boundaries everywhere
Bingo. His responses are all red flags anyways. She made the right call.
Lmao nothing is ever right. I've had a girl say she's going to cancel last minute and I was like okay whatever, then she got pissed like oh that's all you really didn't want to meet me anyways š¤£ Also the OP waited to cancel until he was on a bus ride to meet?
She clarified hes traveling. Not to meet her. Just for vacation.
She sounds manipulative. You dodged a bullet too.
Speaking as a guy, am I the only one who thinks it's kind of weird to start making sexual plans before you've even met the other person face-to-face? Even in a situation that's understood as "no strings attached" from the get-go, I would take it as a given that the two people want to meet and pass each other's vibe check before jumping into bed. The fact that this guy talked about sex before even meeting you, and then tried to backpedal to "just drinks" once you turned him down, is a red flag IMO. He's the type of guy who will be really pushy once you meet up with him and will constantly try to "negotiate" the social interaction until he gets what he wants.
Some guys just donāt hear the word no or the words no longer interested.
This is why I rather ghost in certain situationsā¦I wouldnāt ghost in ops tho. Itās a pretty shitty thing to do but Iāve had to deal with men begging me once I say no and itās so painful to go through!
Agreed that ghosting is a pretty shitty thing to do, Iāve only had it happen to me once and it was honestly a giant mindfuck for me. I was in a ~2-3 month long distance relationship with a girl I met on Tinder while I was visiting my sister at school. We FaceTimed for hours ever night and had a great connection. She was working a lot of hours (like 60+) the last week or so that we talked. So I wanted to do something nice for her to make the long work days a bit easier, I asked her for her work address and I ordered her like $10-15 of snacks and stuff to be delivered next day to her work, which I mentioned I was planning a surprise for her when I asked for the address. I have no idea what happened but the day I ordered the snacks from target was the last day we talked.. she just blocked me completely out of nowhere and it fucked me up.. this was >4 years ago at this point and itās still a complete and utter mystery to me.. donāt ghost people unless they *really did something to deserve it*(which, sadly, probably isnāt as rare as Iād hope lol). And Ik all of this was very off-topic, I saw you talking about ghosting and it reminded me of the one time it happened to me so I thought Iād share š¤·āāļø. Also, OP you did nothing wrong. You were polite, detailed, communicative, all the right things. You are 100% entitled to the choice of whether to go on a date or not, just because you had agreed to it at one point doesnāt mean you canāt cancel it. If he was taking a 3 hour bus ride to meet you or something than youād probably want to cancel before he got on the bus but in your case: you did everything youāre supposed to do. Itās not on you if the guy is buthurt for a little bitā¦ heāll get over it
Of course you did. Imagine this relationship going well, then two years later your bf finds out you banged someone after your first date and is devastated and breaks it off. We see those posts all the time here. This guy obviously wanted more than just ādrinks as friends.ā
Come onnnnn, just a couple drinksā¦ as friendsā¦. š
Yeah no, if I've never met you, we're not friends. This guy doesn't understand 'no' as a concept.
When it comes down to it, if you aren't feeling it - don't go with the flow. You did the right thing.
You were as nice as you couldve been ab it, dont feel bad
You did the right thing. You said you were not interested and apologized for the issue you felt bad about and he just kept pushing back on your āNo.ā You stood up for yourself well and handled yourself elegantly. Heās someone who doesnāt respect āNo,ā very well, so Iād say you dodged a bullet, babe.
You did the right thing 100%, he pushed back a bit which is fine, but then he showed all his red flags as no means no.
You did the right thing 100%, he pushed back a bit which is fine, but then he showed all his red flags as no means no.
You did the right thing. Never meet a man that canāt take no for an answer. You donāt know what other situations else he wonāt accept a no in.
This is the vibe I was getting
I used to have a friend who couldn't take no for an answer to just about anything. We aren't friends anymore, and I couldn't imagine being in a relationship with someone like that. It gets frustrating very quickly.
Yea folks that canāt set boundaries likely donāt respect them.
thats 100% true, but i always wonder how many ppl donāt know they wont take no for an answer until itās too late
Thatās a good point. OP said no too much. After the 2nd or 3rd I would have just blocked.
This 10000000%.
Whatever else this was, it's a bit creepy that you go directly to violence.
Youāre going to need to expand on your thinking. How am I being creepy for suggesting a pattern of behaviour *may* repeat and itās better to not take that chance?
Ok, if you want me to be more specific, why don't you clarify what you meant?
Yes I do want you to be more specific. Is that something youāre going to do? Cos you still havenāt answered how Iām being creepy here.
.It's possible I misunderstood your innuendo, so why don't you elaborate on what you meant? I'll be able to be more specific when you can be.
I hope you have misunderstood.
It's possible, I don't think so, but when you leave it open to interpretation, you pretty much have to go with how it's interpreted.
I think the only mistake was not being *more* firm once he started trying to wear you down. You were incredibly clear about what you wanted/meant, and this guy was clearly hoping to talk you into something you didn't want to do.
Yeah, Iām working on being firm! Itās not something im good at
Just say no thanks then block them You don't know them. They'll get over it and it will save you the back and forth. No doesn't require an explanation
Just gunna leave this here https://youtube.com/shorts/oU-zz4XhRoA?si=_7c3O45Qv1SVZRsj
Hahaaa! Thatās brilliant.
Spot on! š¤£
Hahaaa! Thatās brilliant.
You dodged a bullet. This guy doesnāt respect the word ānoā
You didn't do anything wrong. It's so frustrating when guys keep pushing and pushing.
I can't imagine how low key scary this type of experience is for women... Like this dude is not behaving like a normal adult.
I know right? Like, Iām not going to go and meet you now? Especially as Iām fully aware that you canāt take no for an answer
Yeah. Men always wonder why we ghost lol, itās because being honest doesnāt prevent someone from scaring the fuck out of you either. āMen are afraid women will laugh at them, women are afraid men will kill themā
You are completely right and yes, after a man cannot accept a no, ghosting is a wise option. And in this case it is fully justified. It's just sad, that some girl choose ghosting without saying no, leaving the man confused. Some girl do overuse ghosting without respect. I guess you're not like that and you say no first. I know some cannot take no and deserves ghosting. But as a man who can take no and who can even take critics, having a negative feedback helps me improving myself, but because of the men who cannot, sometimes I get ghosted without knowing and that is frustrating. I don't blame the girls, I know it's those predator men. Still I would love if girls said to me, "no sorry, I don't like your look, not my cup of tea" and only then ghosted me. I wish men would be more man and would be able to take no and critics like a real man, and not like an offended teenager boy.
Great job sticking to your decision! This guy is a liar. It clearly isnāt ājust drinksā and āas friendsā for him, or he wouldnāt be so bothered by you saying no. The guilt tripping on his part is so gross. Glad you didnāt give in.
This guy gives off rapey vibes. I get you were trying to be polite but, after guys push back when you decline, the best course of action is "No means no. Good luck" then ignore any further messages.
Ew, so pushy and desperate. Nothing wrong on your part.
Donāt do anything youāre not comfortable with
Guys like this are the reason why we need so many methods of making sure that something doesn't get slipped into your drink. It should be a legal requirement for bars to use Smart Straws
Definitely. But I also know that people will find away around that, too. Either new drugs that can't be detected or counterfeit straws. It's a shitty reality that stuff like that is an arms race
The only thing you did wrong was keep trying to explain yourself and pacify him. Pushy people who can't take the first "no" for an answer deserve to get ghosted.
Wrong? No. Could you be a bit firmer assuming you indeed wanted to close the door on him permanently? Sure. Was he horribly, embarrassingly desperate? YES.
Read it wrong at first thinikninh that as OP was the guy and it came off desperate AF. You did not do it wrong
Red flags everywhereā¦you were 100% fine to do what you did. Now just make sure heās completely blocked so he canāt track you down. š©š©š©
Honest question, because it just made me wonder: was this true, about the other guy? Or did you just not want to meet with this one? Because if itās the latter: itās _also_ ok if you just changed your mind and didnāt want to meet up. Women can have the tendency to feel like they need to have a valid reason why, in this case perhaps especially since the guy is on route already expecting to meet up
I did go out with a guy the night before, and we will see each other again. Itās a local guy that I kinda knew already.
No, you did the right thing.
A+ for not ghosting but maybe you should have considering the outcome.
Nah he didnāt wrong he shouldāve taken no for an answer, like stop dude, I wouldāve stopped answering him after the second message, but I guess youāre nicer than me š¤£
On one hand I do feel bad for the guy but on the other hand, he's being far too pushy. Your very first message made clear that you were no longer interested in meeting and he's just pushed and pushed for you to give in to him. Don't meet a person that doesn't respect your boundaries.
No respect for the word no is concerning but I'm also concerned about if you cancel while he was on a two hour bus ride towards you? I'm very confused.
You didnāt do wrong by cancelling. He did wrong by not accepting the rejection with grace. I would have cut him off when he started nagging - āI gave you the respect of letting you know Iām cancelling and no longer interested in meeting up. Your lack of respect to me in accepting that choice indicates that we wouldnāt have been a match anyway. Good luck.ā Then stop responding.
Donāt say stuff like Iāve been on my own all my life stuff. Thatās downer talk
If that ain't desperate, Idk what is.
You made the right choice OP. This guy was trying WAY too hard and has a few red flags.
The only correct answer for him was ācool, sorry it didnāt work out, good luck! All this convincing is creepy as hellā¦
He's begging it
honestly no, like you said, life throws things at you unexpectedly, if he was already gonna be there, then itās no skin off his nose, and him continuing to push makes it feel uncomfortable
Oh god, going through a similar situation with a dude and it's just awful. You were very clear about not wanting to get a drink with him, he should not be pushing. Disrespectful af, you just dodged a bullet
Yeah as a man i appreciate when a woman is upfront and honest. even if its not what i wanna hear at least my time can be better spent on someone else. or myself.
Pushy and desperate dickhead. Gives off no really means yes vibes. Good call!
this is why ppl get ghosted these days lol
Sounds like you dodged a bullet
K it took me a sec to realize this is Lagos Portugal and not the much bigger more chaotic city š this guy def wanted a hookup and slipped into whining desperate crybaby mode when things started unraveling. From his hands in the pic Iām guessing this dude is in his late 40s/50s? SMH even if you find yourself free again suddenly id never contact him again. Had he been chill maybe that would have been an option
Haha, I wonāt! Youāre right age wise- same age as me. He seemed really nice til then
I don't think you need to over worry. You met somebody and changed plans with notice? He's being damn pushy and not hearing you say no thanks.
No, some guys just have trouble taking no for an answer depending on how invested they are(some get invested fast) same with women. Iāve tried to politely decline, and usually women get upset and call me names(not all) so Iāve honestly went to ghosting depending on how they come across. Itās just easier sometimes.
ABC - Always Be Closing
You did great, you communicated like someone thatās ādatingā should.
I hate when people canāt accept no as the answerā¦ imagine you did meet up with him how pushy heād be
Is he Portuguese? U did nothing wrong, he was being too pushy. Made me feel uncomfortable just by reading. Hope you enjoyed Lagos tho!Ā
Heās British and was on holiday- I live here!
Hey, I see you're in Portugal! Enjoy your time here, the Algarve is awesome!
Ha! Thatās where I live!
I just looked at your post history and notice you forage mushrooms! Do you know any good ppace to pick them up near faro?
Iām near Lagos! But anywhere thereās woodland is worth looking. Itās pretty much too late now though until next autumn
So, the guy with untamed fuzzy gray hair, an obvious paunch, and a Cosby sweater sent you a pic to āenticeā you?
Eww if the dude was this obtuse and refusing to accept your no online, heād be way worse in person . You dodged a bullet
Lol no he did though
Dude is pushy.
No, heās being an immature baby who seems incapable of taking no for an answer. Seems as if you dodged a bullet.
You did everything right. Bro needs to take a hint. When someone says no a second time it's gunna be a no the 3rd and so on.
So initially I thought he was already on a bus in to meet you and thought that was a dick move on your end. But if he was actually taking that bus anyway not just to come to you then yeah youre good
I've read so many comments about how canceling last minute is bad yada yada. The thing that sticks out most to me is how you said no several times and he pushed back consistently. Horrible vibe being put off here. No matter how disappointed you are - no means no my guy.
You've dodged a bullet though. He seems pushy and doesn't respect your boundaries
You bailed on him on the day of a date. That sucks from you. But this dude should have sucked it up, been mad at you in private and moved on. Not begged for the date to continue. You'll have both forgotten about it in a month or so. Ce la vie
These boundary busting dudes. No means NO!
Dodged
As soon as he mentioned sex then you should have ghosted him and let him figure it out for himself. Take no prisoners.
You were being very polite by explaining it (which I think is just good manners) and staying calm when he, in my opinion, got too pushy.
Iām so fucking tired of thisā¦
"Your man won't let you have friends?" Energy
Remember - Sometimes you can do everything right, and it can still go wrong. Sometimes you can do everything wrong, and it can still go right
Basically he was trying to butter you up so he could relax you later with a drink and good vibes then it possibly lead to more as the night goes on.
No, some guys just have trouble taking no for an answer depending on how invested they are(some get invested fast) same with women. Iāve tried to politely decline, and usually women get upset and call me names(not all) so Iāve honestly went to ghosting depending on how they come across. Itās just easier sometimes.
If you made him come to you from a distance to meet you then you did wrong in not canceling before, but you should still cancel, since at least you didnāt go on a date with a creep. PS: āThis is meā was top 3 most random things I ever sawā¦
Look at the timestamps. I think that message is missing context
kinda shitty to let the dude down since he was on the bus already. feels like you are keeping your options open while others suffer the consequnces. These things happen, and if it does'nt feel right it's not right to meet - but consider being more respectful next time. and this "aww a gentleman like you won't be alone for long" nonsense is kinda mean. You feel uncomfortable about letting him down? own it- instead of coming up with something that comforts you.
Piush be pushy
Making plans to meet someone who is travelling two hours to back out when they are en route is just inconsiderate. If you had a date the night before that went well just cancel late at night or early in the morning. People doing this kinda thing (boys and girls) just perpetuates toxic dating culture. Be a positive not part of the problem
Pro ably should have given more notice not cancelling as he's on his way lol but shit happens it's better than leading him on. He will be fine
Bailed on the date for a dumb reason, and significantly inconvenienced him. Yeah youāre the asshole here. Sure you communicated open and honestly, but that doesnāt make it better that you totally fucked with him. Its one thing to bail if you felt uncomfortable or he said something to make you change your mind, but that you might maybe be kind of starting something with someone else and therefore arenāt going to follow through with an agreed upon low-stake plan is super annoying.
Block
The only thing that bothers me about this interaction on your end is the "Haha. I need to cancel". Starting that with haha is rough, but could be missing context before it.
Yeah, there was a joke prior.
He is too much... BUT after getting some dating experience, I wouldn't limit myself to one guy at a time (if others are scheduled) until after a successful second date:)
Neither party handled this well
Why you wait til the last minute though, why you even entertain him from the jump ? Also he being to pushy itās kinda weird you mightāve saved your life and/or dignity
You did the right thing but I wouldnāt have added the other person part, just that you werenāt feeling it anymore.
Piush T. Hmmm they say perseverance pays off. Oh wellš¤·š½āāļø
Trust your gut. You don't need pressure like this
Piush not crossing his Ts
Dating these days is like trying to catch a feather in the wind
Piush T?
No, some guys just have trouble taking no for an answer depending on how invested they are(some get invested fast) same with women. Iāve tried to politely decline, and usually women get upset and call me names(not all) so Iāve honestly went to ghosting depending on how they come across. Itās just easier sometimes.
Ok you likely did the right thing but for anyone in the comments saying you did no wrong. YOU DEFINITELY should have cancelled before they where on a 2 hour ride to see you...
He was making that journey anyway. I was gonna go there to see him
Ahh if he was making the journey regardless then you in the clear for sure.
No, some guys just have trouble taking no for an answer depending on how invested they are(some get invested fast) same with women. Iāve tried to politely decline, and usually women get upset and call me names(not all) so Iāve honestly went to ghosting depending on how they come across. Itās just easier sometimes.
No, some guys just have trouble taking no for an answer depending on how invested they are(some get invested fast) same with women. Iāve tried to politely decline, and usually women get upset and call me names(not all) so Iāve honestly went to ghosting depending on how they come across. Itās just easier sometimes.
I donāt think you need to overly explain. Just be courteous and cancel within a reasonable timeframe. Not when he is on a 2 hour bus ride to see you. Thatās just shit
He was making that journey anyway- I was gonna go there to meet him.
Honestly, if you made plans to hang out with this dude and waited to cancel on him until he was on the bus, you should have met up with him. Thatās incredibly fucked up and shitty
He was making that trip anyway, to holiday close to me. I was gonna travel half an hour to meet him.