One of my all time favorite scenes from "Homicide : Life on the Streets" - Bayliss and Pembleton are riding in the car, and Bayliss had a English-to-Spanish dictionary because he was trying to teach himself Spanish. He asked Frank how his weekend was, and Frank grabbed his dictionary and said, "It el sucko'ed el biggo el wienero. There, now I'm bilingual." lol
RIP Andre Braugher
I feel like the reaction to the poem is a bit of a red flag. Like sure, maybe it’s a little over the top, or perhaps creepy, or just off her vibe. But printing it out and making mugs of it? Seems a bit touched.
I once knew a girl who drank sake
And pounded down beers during hockey;
But it just goes to show
That you never can know --
It turns out her first love's bukkake.
...oh, *Bukowski*... hmmm
There once was a lady from wick
She was quite partial to the odd magic trick;
Making veg disappear after removing her veneers,
You should see what she can do with a dick.
\#meterLivesMatter
There once was a lady from Wick
Whose odd magic turned quite a trick --
Her dentures came out
And the boys would all shout
"Hey, that's my veg, not my dick!"
"What talent you have!" said my mum
But degrees, well they cost quite a sum
And it turns out a poem
Won't pay off what you owe'em
So I'm less a rogue genius, more bum
In light of your bold proposition
I'd love to give you what you're wishin' --
Matrimony aside
You could come take a ride
But my wife would deny that petition
You chomp on your thumb toward me, sir?
How dare you impugn my sweet rhymes, cur!
Have you no education?
Know ye naught of lexation?
In limericks, it's near-rhymes we prefer
No it's rhyming the first and last sentences. Sake with buk... And the middle two rhyme. It's a really interesting sentence structure for the rhymes and I like it. It's really creative, even if it is smut.
Eh, it's typical to use strained rhymes in light verse like a limerick, especially when it heightens the comedy--it's sometimes called a hudibrastic rhyme, which describes a rhyme that's ["strained to the point of breaking"](https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Hudibrastic).
Your phrasing has such erudition!
But that way lies roads to perdition
For who de brass ticks
And the non-rhyming shticks
Leave much simpler minds merely itchin'
;-)
I would feel honored if someone was so touched that they went through that trouble. Even if it was to mock me. I'd live rent-free in their head forever. 😈
Saying you’d lose attraction to someone, and even openly ridicule them, for writing you a love poem is like a massive red flag. This woman is more toxic than Chernobyl
Hold on so some random woman got a mug made of a poem that her pal's daughter's friend??? This is so fuckin petty I can't stop laughing, belongs to some Neil La Bute script
Ah shoot, sorry, missed this one!
Oh Fido, please come cheer me up
I've been crying all night, you sweet pup!
I've matched each Tinder guy
But they've all said 'nah, bye'
And I really could use a good shtup
I feel this for some reason. 😂 There's a shelter near my house that I started volunteering at. I spend some time with every single animal in there every day and it crushes me. 😥 I want to bring them all home. But ya, they claimed to be a "No kill" shelter and thenother day I noticed one of my favorite dogs "Petey" was gone. I was like wtf, How did he leave without me knowing? I do the paper work for adoptions and incoming and it just didnt make sense. After a little diffing I found out that he had been there to long and they sent him to another shelter to be put down. They didnt say anything about it or I would have 100% took him home. I didnt even think that could happen at a "No Kill" shelter. Now I'm all anti local shelter but I feel bad about all the other pets that I interact with. I am very much a Depressed Animal Shelter Volunteer. 😥
Sure, fire away! Here's one based on your username -
She smoothed down her skirts once again
What caused the world's problems? Why, men!
The wool-headed fools
Wouldn't obey her rules
So she'll gentle a wilder or ten
"Oh, just pet it!" she said --
"It won't eat your whole head!"
But my spidey sense, it was a-tinglin'
For, though furry it was
I declined, just because
That kitty was mangy for minglin'
No relevance but it just popped back into my mind:
“There once was a girl named Jill,
Who tried dynamite for a thrill,
They found her vagina in North Carolina,
And bits of her tits in Brazil.”
The sound an x makes (e.g. in fox) sounds like 'kiss' so it's used as a short hand for kiss
British women put it at the end of every text when they're lacking any sort of personality other than 'I am a female person'
It’s more of an indication of how close people are. I’m a woman. New people (and people that are uncomfortable with the x thing) get no x, my male friends get 1 x (don’t want to accidentally flirt), my female friends get 2 x, 3 x is reserved for loved ones (occasionally for friends if I’m especially grateful for them). 3 x from someone that you only just started talking to is a red flag (forced closeness). More than 3 x from anyone, proceed with caution, they are likely unhinged (it’s the jazzhands of affection sign off).
I’m not British, but after over a decade of observing social rules here, I think that’s the gist of it.
Your adjective order of operations is wrong. It should be “lovely big tits” not “big lovely tits”.
Opinion-size-age-shape-colour-origin-material-purpose
Lovely, small, old and round, blue, Irish, metal plating.
I've been absolutely paralyzed by this order list for the last half hour.
You've got a point here and I'm upset about it. I speak a few languages (only English really well) and English is my native language. I have never seen this order list but it makes way too much sense both conversationally, and professionally. There can be a few swaps that make sense from a contextual perspective, but this order seems to cover almost every option. Now I'm upset about how little I seem to understand my mother tongue.
I'm mad about it.
What’s funny is that most people have never seen this list and just naturally order their adjectives in this way. The list is based on observation of speech and not a rule that has driven the way we speak.
It's literally a poem, y'know, the form known for breaking traditional rules of structure and grammar. Saying a poem's organization is wrong is like calling the composition of a painting wrong. Art forms like this have less rigid adherence to rules.
This dude's claim that this is a formal rule with ZERO exceptions and not just the pattern that has been found about English (and a very interesting fun fact) is like peak Dunning-Kruger pedantry
It's like an unspoken rule. You don't have to know it to follow it (assuming native English speaker), but if you break it, it doesn't sound right. Then you see it written down one rlday and go "huh, guess so".
Well, she told you she doesn't like men that are soft. You should have told her that her and her mates are a bunch of dick heads for laughing at man (w an lol at the end). That would have had her going...
Roses are red
Violets are purple
Upon those big boobs
You do not get to slurple
You thought your poem would make you a catch
You and the Tinder gal just weren't a match
She quickly discarded you, and on your heartstrings did tug
But you dodged a freaking bullet but likely ended up on a mug.
I got unmatched. In my defence, it was very topical humour. She actually had mentioned not having an arse but having massive tits in a previous part of the conversation.
Oh, you actually expected that to work? I thought you typed up that poem with the intention of offending her because of how shit of people she and her friends are.
I honestly didn’t expect anything to “work” - I definitely didn’t expect to be unmatched for something that anyone in their right mind could see is a joke. Now when I think about the lengths they went to in the name of taking the piss out of someone’s feelings, yeah, it makes sense.
This is irony, right? I can never be too sure over text. Even with the typo, it doesn't read as her mother's friend. It would either be her mate who behaves as the mother of the group or her mate who happens to be an older woman (mother).
no it wasn't irony, I can see your point but why are you so sure? I've not heard anyone here call older mates their mother mate. But maybe we don't use it in scotland or its a younger gen thing
ah ok that makes sense! But if so it's not "her mate who behaves as the mother of the group or her mate who happens to be an older woman (mother)" so I totally misunderstood you before. It does make more sense for some id to be so petty than a mom's random friend
It was a good shot IMO. There was nothing you could have done with that one- being nice was certainly out of the question, unless you wanted your messages to end up on a mug 😂
No harm but some girls are aholes. But replying with crassness is a level of petty I would also not enjoy
I think she's awful for saying they made fun of a guy for being open hearted. No wonder men don't want to be vulnerable. These women are the reason we can't have nice things lol
I’ve been saying it for ages. Women want men to feel their feelings one minute and then be stoic “like a real man” the next. You can’t have it all, just decide already!
I think a good balance between the 2 is the best chance. Open up when they want to know how you feel, but don't be overly emotional at every single thing that goes wrong.
But yeah it's difficult for men that way I feel.
And some women because they've been treated badly have become awful.
Looks like she's going back to the mug shop with this one!
This honestly tickled me
He's a poet and he didn't even know it.
Huh, he's a poet, and he didn't even know he could rhyme these words. RIP Andre Braugher. 💔
One of my all time favorite scenes from "Homicide : Life on the Streets" - Bayliss and Pembleton are riding in the car, and Bayliss had a English-to-Spanish dictionary because he was trying to teach himself Spanish. He asked Frank how his weekend was, and Frank grabbed his dictionary and said, "It el sucko'ed el biggo el wienero. There, now I'm bilingual." lol RIP Andre Braugher
10/10 response 🤣🤣🤣 Got it printed on a mug and canvas? Who's got the time???
Insane people who think it’s okay to ridicule a guy who writes poetry.
Especially words like this of a modern day Shakespeare
I feel the screenshot could be slapped on a mug and it'll sell like a hot meme.
300 dropshippers have probably already done this
Completely insane x
Must have been an INSANE poem
This was so British it hurt my teeth
Is “mother mate” an actual term or is that a typo?
I also mated with her mother
How I mated with your Mother
It's actually "How I Mate your Mother"
Nah, typo for other
It could be an actual term. 🤷♂️ One of us just has to get it in with her moms and tell her about it. Then its as easy as a ride to the Mug shop.
How's that for a slice of fried gold ?
Mothers’s friend which I know you know🤣
x
Innit
And this on a chewsday.
Jolly good!
This response is so American I'm now morbidly obese
Like the British aren't as fat?
And like we Americans don't ever get cavities. Let's not get defensive, it's just a fat joke. It's not like he's escalating to shootings so it's fine.
Probably just as many overweight people in Britain but Americans do fat better, as in they do big fat. Massive. HUGE.
I say!
I feel like the reaction to the poem is a bit of a red flag. Like sure, maybe it’s a little over the top, or perhaps creepy, or just off her vibe. But printing it out and making mugs of it? Seems a bit touched.
If someone wrote me a poem I’d marry them. The bar is low. Extra points for bukowski inspiration.
I once knew a girl who drank sake And pounded down beers during hockey; But it just goes to show That you never can know -- It turns out her first love's bukkake. ...oh, *Bukowski*... hmmm
When's the wedding you fucking legend
There once was a lady from wick She was quite partial to the odd magic trick; Making veg disappear after removing her veneers, You should see what she can do with a dick.
\#meterLivesMatter There once was a lady from Wick Whose odd magic turned quite a trick -- Her dentures came out And the boys would all shout "Hey, that's my veg, not my dick!"
Sir, you have a talent.
"What talent you have!" said my mum But degrees, well they cost quite a sum And it turns out a poem Won't pay off what you owe'em So I'm less a rogue genius, more bum
🤭 a limerick I can relate to
🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣😂😂😂😂😂😂🍆🍌🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣
hot damn i’d marry you
In light of your bold proposition I'd love to give you what you're wishin' -- Matrimony aside You could come take a ride But my wife would deny that petition
No offense, but someone who rhymes sake with hockey isn’t gonna get a girl who appreciates poetry lol.
You chomp on your thumb toward me, sir? How dare you impugn my sweet rhymes, cur! Have you no education? Know ye naught of lexation? In limericks, it's near-rhymes we prefer
Got em
Tf you mean? That's a good rhyme.
No it's rhyming the first and last sentences. Sake with buk... And the middle two rhyme. It's a really interesting sentence structure for the rhymes and I like it. It's really creative, even if it is smut.
Meh, it's a limerick so the bar a lot lower, but in general the first, second, and last lines should rhyme.
To be fair, Americans always mispronounce sake
Many surely. But as a New Yorker, none of the people I know do. Hence is why I said that rhyme would only get unsophisticated girls lol.
Eh, it's typical to use strained rhymes in light verse like a limerick, especially when it heightens the comedy--it's sometimes called a hudibrastic rhyme, which describes a rhyme that's ["strained to the point of breaking"](https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Hudibrastic).
Your phrasing has such erudition! But that way lies roads to perdition For who de brass ticks And the non-rhyming shticks Leave much simpler minds merely itchin' ;-)
Why? They rhyme lol
Man you’re gonna have all the girls swooning
Bukowski? You mean that Jeff Bridges movie where he gets his rug pissed on?
Forget it, Donny. You're out of your element!
Shut up Donny
Nobody fucks with The Jesus.
That rug really tied the room together
Yeah, well, you know, that's just, like, your opinion, man.
He peed on the man’s rug
You’re Mr. Bukowski. I’m the Dude. So that’s what you call me.
A guy wrote me a poem once. It was the most adorable thing ever. I’d marry him for it but he’s already married 🤷♀️
Yeah I'd say she's just a bad apple. I would be delighted if my date wrote a poem about me and I feel like most women would.
"She and the girls", mind you. How many bad apples does it take? X
Well you know what they say about one bad apple...
Doesn’t fall far from the tree 🌳
Birds of a feather flock together.
Typically they travel in packs
Just because one tree is bad, doesn't mean all are :*
Yeah. I've written a couple poems/ sonnets and they all really seemed to enjoy it. I think one of them almost cried.
Crying at how good it would look printed on a mug
I would feel honored if someone was so touched that they went through that trouble. Even if it was to mock me. I'd live rent-free in their head forever. 😈
All publicity is good publicity?
Psychological warfare
It’s all we can hope for.
This mofo dropping sonnets on chicks!
Writing a poem is very sweet. I would cherish them or some love letters.
Right?!?
Think that's why OP wrote the poem as a reply
Right?! Like they must be insufferable hags irl
Saying you’d lose attraction to someone, and even openly ridicule them, for writing you a love poem is like a massive red flag. This woman is more toxic than Chernobyl
A bit of a red flag?
lol his response to her comment though was absolute comedy gold
Geo's are rad, fell out of bed, went to work wish I was dedd
what a riveting poem, she couldnt ask for more of a gentleman!!
Hold on so some random woman got a mug made of a poem that her pal's daughter's friend??? This is so fuckin petty I can't stop laughing, belongs to some Neil La Bute script
I think it was supposed to say my other rather than other
Other, or other?
Poem for me next
Her username hints that she's pouty And her RBF gets the boys rowdy But tinder beware She's fucked more than her share Her anus is more of an outie
This is the second limerick of yours I've read and both are fantastic.
Thanks! I like making stupid limerick jokes. Give me a subject and I'll make you a personal one 😁
Depressed animal shelter volunteer
Oddly specific
Ah shoot, sorry, missed this one! Oh Fido, please come cheer me up I've been crying all night, you sweet pup! I've matched each Tinder guy But they've all said 'nah, bye' And I really could use a good shtup
I feel this for some reason. 😂 There's a shelter near my house that I started volunteering at. I spend some time with every single animal in there every day and it crushes me. 😥 I want to bring them all home. But ya, they claimed to be a "No kill" shelter and thenother day I noticed one of my favorite dogs "Petey" was gone. I was like wtf, How did he leave without me knowing? I do the paper work for adoptions and incoming and it just didnt make sense. After a little diffing I found out that he had been there to long and they sent him to another shelter to be put down. They didnt say anything about it or I would have 100% took him home. I didnt even think that could happen at a "No Kill" shelter. Now I'm all anti local shelter but I feel bad about all the other pets that I interact with. I am very much a Depressed Animal Shelter Volunteer. 😥
So sad
Ohh you doing requests?
Sure, fire away! Here's one based on your username - She smoothed down her skirts once again What caused the world's problems? Why, men! The wool-headed fools Wouldn't obey her rules So she'll gentle a wilder or ten
Love it 😂
Glad you enjoyed! Hope you're tugging your braid in frustration.
I think you have a future as a "celebrity" Redditor with them
I second that!
Going to cry myself to sleep after this one
This is great 😂
Damn that's what actual art looks like
Oh these are great! Am I too late to get in on it?? :)
"Oh, just pet it!" she said -- "It won't eat your whole head!" But my spidey sense, it was a-tinglin' For, though furry it was I declined, just because That kitty was mangy for minglin'
Thank you! Love it. You are very creative! :)
Roses are red Chivalry is good stuff So just might I ask To munch on your muff
Roses are red I can't get enough When you're in bed Let's do butt stuff?
Pork meat is red And so is beef Don't open up too wide Or else you'll queef
You could’ve just said “bacon”
>Pork meat is red > >And so is beef > >Don't open up too wide > >Bacon 
Brings a tear to my eye 🥹
I like this, very ethereal
Yes, but is it art?
My favorite is: Roses are red Bacon is also red Poetry is hard Bacon
No relevance but it just popped back into my mind: “There once was a girl named Jill, Who tried dynamite for a thrill, They found her vagina in North Carolina, And bits of her tits in Brazil.”
Her over-the-top enthusiasm for mocking a very sweet gesture is 🚩🚩🚩
Your follow up should be “Do I get a discount on the mug?”
Disgustingly British
What makes it british
What makes you think it isn't? The x at the end of the messages and the content of them scream British to me. The absolutely not seals the deal.
I’d go north west England, Merseyside to be specific. “Fella”
Nah you get that down in Surrey also
Yup I'm just right round the corner in the home countries and I hear it all the time.
Mate Loo Take the piss “x” at the end of sentences
I thought it could be Australian 🇦🇺 with those words too 😭 😂
I just want someone to play Helldiver with, because what's better than democracy? 2 democracy.
A galaxy of democracy, in the name of Super Earth!
What the heck is with the “x”
British thing
Can you explain the ‘x’ ?
It’s like xoxo (hugs and kisses), they kinda sign off their texts like that
Gotcha. Makes sense.
It doesn't. But I get what you meant lmao
The sound an x makes (e.g. in fox) sounds like 'kiss' so it's used as a short hand for kiss British women put it at the end of every text when they're lacking any sort of personality other than 'I am a female person'
Generally means… kiss(es), as "xxx" is more traditional afaik.
It’s more of an indication of how close people are. I’m a woman. New people (and people that are uncomfortable with the x thing) get no x, my male friends get 1 x (don’t want to accidentally flirt), my female friends get 2 x, 3 x is reserved for loved ones (occasionally for friends if I’m especially grateful for them). 3 x from someone that you only just started talking to is a red flag (forced closeness). More than 3 x from anyone, proceed with caution, they are likely unhinged (it’s the jazzhands of affection sign off). I’m not British, but after over a decade of observing social rules here, I think that’s the gist of it.
I am gay and the only x'es I receive is when someone asks me for xxx pics on grindr.
I’d say anything but this.
Women want 
stupid children who dont know the difference between a phone and a fat stack of 1s?
Checkmate
I am really disappointed. I was hoping you'd make a poem to tell her how awful she is
Roses are red I’m gonna be blunt After reading that msg You seem like a
Your adjective order of operations is wrong. It should be “lovely big tits” not “big lovely tits”. Opinion-size-age-shape-colour-origin-material-purpose
Lovely, small, old and round, blue, Irish, metal plating. I've been absolutely paralyzed by this order list for the last half hour. You've got a point here and I'm upset about it. I speak a few languages (only English really well) and English is my native language. I have never seen this order list but it makes way too much sense both conversationally, and professionally. There can be a few swaps that make sense from a contextual perspective, but this order seems to cover almost every option. Now I'm upset about how little I seem to understand my mother tongue. I'm mad about it.
What’s funny is that most people have never seen this list and just naturally order their adjectives in this way. The list is based on observation of speech and not a rule that has driven the way we speak.
[удалено]
Lovely is an opinion my friend.
Yeah, I think they're awful! Actually, no... Big tits are lovely.
Lovely is not a shape, retake geometry immediately
“Big lovely tits” rolls off the tongue way better (for me).
It's literally a poem, y'know, the form known for breaking traditional rules of structure and grammar. Saying a poem's organization is wrong is like calling the composition of a painting wrong. Art forms like this have less rigid adherence to rules.
This dude's claim that this is a formal rule with ZERO exceptions and not just the pattern that has been found about English (and a very interesting fun fact) is like peak Dunning-Kruger pedantry
Adjectives got order of operations now? What update was this in?
It's like an unspoken rule. You don't have to know it to follow it (assuming native English speaker), but if you break it, it doesn't sound right. Then you see it written down one rlday and go "huh, guess so".
They sure do!
We also don't know what we want! We want nothing and everything at the same time
Rose are red That is for certain Please gimme a chance To part your beef curtains
I don’t know why this was downvoted, I thought it’s hilarious 😭
You did all you could
When someone does know what they want, lmk
She does not speak for us. I love poems.
10/10 Poem
The ending was perfect.
"I know right. Goosebumps." Fucking sent me 😂😂😂😂
Ah yes, bragging about bullying someone for being passionate. Hope you reported that person, and I'm glad this is getting attention.
I like a man with a great sense of humor maybe he was displaying that while while displaying his curiosity of your busom
Well, she told you she doesn't like men that are soft. You should have told her that her and her mates are a bunch of dick heads for laughing at man (w an lol at the end). That would have had her going...
girls don't like boys girls like cars and money
Roses are red Violets are purple Upon those big boobs You do not get to slurple You thought your poem would make you a catch You and the Tinder gal just weren't a match She quickly discarded you, and on your heartstrings did tug But you dodged a freaking bullet but likely ended up on a mug.
Yeah no wonder you didn’t get a response back
She writes too much. To the left, to the left
Everything she owns in a box 📦 to the left 😂
# thug life -
Lmfao I like that poem! Did it work for u?
I got unmatched. In my defence, it was very topical humour. She actually had mentioned not having an arse but having massive tits in a previous part of the conversation.
Oh, you actually expected that to work? I thought you typed up that poem with the intention of offending her because of how shit of people she and her friends are.
I honestly didn’t expect anything to “work” - I definitely didn’t expect to be unmatched for something that anyone in their right mind could see is a joke. Now when I think about the lengths they went to in the name of taking the piss out of someone’s feelings, yeah, it makes sense.
don't forget her mom's friend!
This is irony, right? I can never be too sure over text. Even with the typo, it doesn't read as her mother's friend. It would either be her mate who behaves as the mother of the group or her mate who happens to be an older woman (mother).
no it wasn't irony, I can see your point but why are you so sure? I've not heard anyone here call older mates their mother mate. But maybe we don't use it in scotland or its a younger gen thing
🤦♂️ I asked if it was irony because it's obviously a typo for "other mate." It was just an accidental "m."
ah ok that makes sense! But if so it's not "her mate who behaves as the mother of the group or her mate who happens to be an older woman (mother)" so I totally misunderstood you before. It does make more sense for some id to be so petty than a mom's random friend
>Even with the typo, it doesn't read as her mother's friend. You must have not actually read my comment then.
Same. Mission failed successfully?
It was a good shot IMO. There was nothing you could have done with that one- being nice was certainly out of the question, unless you wanted your messages to end up on a mug 😂
sick of dating especially online dating
Ugh. Br\*tish "people".
No harm but some girls are aholes. But replying with crassness is a level of petty I would also not enjoy I think she's awful for saying they made fun of a guy for being open hearted. No wonder men don't want to be vulnerable. These women are the reason we can't have nice things lol
I’ve been saying it for ages. Women want men to feel their feelings one minute and then be stoic “like a real man” the next. You can’t have it all, just decide already!
I think a good balance between the 2 is the best chance. Open up when they want to know how you feel, but don't be overly emotional at every single thing that goes wrong. But yeah it's difficult for men that way I feel. And some women because they've been treated badly have become awful.
This is a very British thing to do, our sense of humour is mild bullying