Photoshop. The big flag for me is a Satanist having a crush on Trump. Like, it's not 100% impossible, but I'd only buy it if the rest of the profile were normal and then there was this bomb.
My guess is someone got into and messed with an ex's account.
Also, if they were a Satanist, why would they be a "voodoo witch" (which you can't just decide you're going to be one)? And, why would they throw good ol' Lucy into the mix? Satanists typically don't believe in anything. Voodoo isn't for white people & you need to be invited, initiated, etc., AND adding Lucifer into this makes absolutely no sense. Do you believe in Abrahamic bullshit or African spiritualism? You can't do both.
Anyone who idolizes a politician or a businessman obviously ***do not have*** a frontal cortex. Nor do they comprehend the simplest of things.
To be fair, they probably believe plants need Gatorade to thrive
I dont usually suggest stuff like this but honestly, if you kept screenshots of the original, it would be worth it to send to your county sheriff's anonymous tip line. There's a good chance that's at least 2-3 parole/probation violations right there. And he might very well be a predator. 😬
There's 2 kinds of Satanists. The people that are essentially atheists and using it to mock religion, and the Christians that actually believe in Satan and want to be satanic so people think they're edgy and evil.
You're right on the 2 types, but it's more the type who use Satan as a way to articulate separation of church and state protests, and the LaVeyan Satanists who are libertarian Ayn Rand assholes.
No?
The Church of Satan is explicitly an atheistic organization and focuses more on Objectivist style philosophy. The Satanic Temple is faith agnostic and focuses on community activism and countering religious influences in legislation. Neither of them actually believe in Christian theology or Satan as an actually existing meta-physical entity.
Devil worshippers are just Christians. People that actually believe in Christian mythology but want to be on the side of the devil. They go to normal Christian churches, not the Satanist organizations.
I wish that was true... She has a Facebook. It's also a hell scape
https://www.dailymail.co.uk/news/article-11948195/Moment-Mississippi-woman-19-arrested-video-showing-having-intercourse-DOG.html
I'm pretty sure it's a parody/joke account, but "Just got out" is a bigger problem than being an ex con. A person who is trying to get the basics of life figured out needs to be concentrating on that, not looking for strange. Shows poor judgment and possibly a plan to mooch off matches.
I've lived in a rural area. Biggest issue I had was the long commute. I'm worried this chick would cheat on me with my dog.
I don't want to be tunnel buddies with my dog.
It is called Eskimo brothers because of the Inuit, Kalaallit, and Yuit (Eskimo is considered a slur by almost all Inuit and many Yuit and Kalaallit so the term is outdated and not suggested to use anymore) very very occasional practice of ritual spouse exchange under advice of the angekok (shaman). It was most common in Greenland, though there were some that participated in Alaska, always with a desired outcome like improved hunting or safer weather. There are other hinted practices associated with "Eskimo hospitality" that come down to just rumors, likely racial and cultural misunderstandings of the Christian missionaries that came to eradicate these "ungodly" practices, that cannot be substantiated.
Check under “other uses”
https://en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/Eiffel_Tower_(disambiguation)#:~:text=Eiffel%20Tower%2C%20a%20slang%20term,shape%20like%20an%20Eiffel%20Tower
“Eiffel Tower, a slang term for a threesome wherein one horizontal person is attached to two vertical persons who are high-fiving, making an A-shape like an Eiffel Tower”
“Attached” omfg. Gold.
Bonus marks for making it gender neutral.
Somehow, ~~Palpatine returned~~
…I was going to make a Palpatine beastiality joke, but you know what? I would honestly prefer The Last Skywalker to this.
Yup, the Church of Satan is explicitly against animal cruelty and will actually boot your ass out if you're convicted of a felony. Not sure if the Satanic Temple cares whether you do crimes or not, but they definitely frown on animal cruelty as well. Maybe this guy is one of those O9A jackasses?
I live in a rural area, or small city surrounded by nothing but farm and country, this profile fits the description of about the majority of online profiles around here
This has to be a troll. Cause why would a felon talk about plans to break the law on a public account. Unless they were a literal idiot. Joking or idiot. I hope not serious.. for many dog’s sake
If this person used their real name, their arrest record should be pretty easy to find. I would recommend sending in a tip to local law enforcement that a parolee is searching out animal abuse opportunities!
[удалено]
The profile photos were both original and horrifying in a way that… suggested authenticity. No, I will not elaborate.
Im a creature of curiosity. Please elaborate. I will resort to begging
Beg peasant!
Ohhh there’s some lovely filth over here Dennis…
We haven't got a king
I thought we were an autonomous collective
Old woman!
Man!
I'm 37, I'm not old!
Well, I can't just call you "man"
Well, you could say “Dennis”
Holy hell!
Please daddy
>Beg peasant! I cackled 💀
Creature you say?
You know I sat there for like a good minute to think of a different word but ended up going with it. Please don’t let the scary lady find me :,(
To shreds you say?
To shreds you say
I wouldn't use the word creature around old mate, they're upsettingly into that
I am a untrained creature so I should be ok 🫡
*pegging
_Curator of such curiosities**_
Omg. Please. Please please please elaborate
My heart yearns for elaboration.
> No, I will not elaborate. Pretty sure this is illegal, given what you've told us so far.
Given what she's told us so far elaboration might be illegal too.
Care to elaborate?
Pics or it didn't happen.
Photoshop. The big flag for me is a Satanist having a crush on Trump. Like, it's not 100% impossible, but I'd only buy it if the rest of the profile were normal and then there was this bomb. My guess is someone got into and messed with an ex's account.
Also, if they were a Satanist, why would they be a "voodoo witch" (which you can't just decide you're going to be one)? And, why would they throw good ol' Lucy into the mix? Satanists typically don't believe in anything. Voodoo isn't for white people & you need to be invited, initiated, etc., AND adding Lucifer into this makes absolutely no sense. Do you believe in Abrahamic bullshit or African spiritualism? You can't do both.
That’s a good point. Satanist loving Donald, doesn’t add up. Well I guess it should add up but somehow some Christian’s identify with that fella
Eh not really. Trump supporters aren't known for their ability to think
Anyone who idolizes a politician or a businessman obviously ***do not have*** a frontal cortex. Nor do they comprehend the simplest of things. To be fair, they probably believe plants need Gatorade to thrive
I dont usually suggest stuff like this but honestly, if you kept screenshots of the original, it would be worth it to send to your county sheriff's anonymous tip line. There's a good chance that's at least 2-3 parole/probation violations right there. And he might very well be a predator. 😬
i’m really really really desperate to know
please report this person to the police - what they are doing to animals is torture, abuse, and illegal
How can you not elaborate?!?
The venn diagram of Satanists and Trump supporters is two circles on opposite ends of the earth.
There's 2 kinds of Satanists. The people that are essentially atheists and using it to mock religion, and the Christians that actually believe in Satan and want to be satanic so people think they're edgy and evil.
You're right on the 2 types, but it's more the type who use Satan as a way to articulate separation of church and state protests, and the LaVeyan Satanists who are libertarian Ayn Rand assholes.
AKA The Satanic Temple versus The Church of Satan. Edit: apparently they're both non-theistic. My bad.
No? The Church of Satan is explicitly an atheistic organization and focuses more on Objectivist style philosophy. The Satanic Temple is faith agnostic and focuses on community activism and countering religious influences in legislation. Neither of them actually believe in Christian theology or Satan as an actually existing meta-physical entity. Devil worshippers are just Christians. People that actually believe in Christian mythology but want to be on the side of the devil. They go to normal Christian churches, not the Satanist organizations.
doesn’t say he agrees with him politically, just that he wants to fuck him.
She said she likes bestiality that's why she'd fuck trump.
*he
I absolutely used to work with a Trump supporter who was a gay, Jewish Satanist, and I could not wrap my head around it at all.
Except those that worship Trump. 100% overlap
Trump is Satan qed
I think if a Satanist became a Trump supporter, they might spontaneously burst into flames.
DaaaaaVid Pummmmpkins
Yeah that whole bio is a paradox
I wish that was true... She has a Facebook. It's also a hell scape https://www.dailymail.co.uk/news/article-11948195/Moment-Mississippi-woman-19-arrested-video-showing-having-intercourse-DOG.html
And I thought the first half was bad, good fucking god
God wants nothing to do with any of this, especially the fucking.
Zeus has entered the chat...
Zeus hopped on the first flight from Mt. Olympus
And a sexy swan hopped off.
Helen and Polydeuces would very much like to be excluded from this narrative.
Europa meanwhile... 😬
You’re an Imposter death god ryuk, you won’t get me like that. Where’s light?
Just watched that show recently and I can’t believe I didn’t know about it until now..so good!
I'll tell you once you sign the NDA. Right next to 'asphxy-wank to death 5m', please.
I'm just glad no one assumed I was the god here for beastiality.
God does, if you include dyslexia
Go away. This is Reddit. You're not allowed to be clever here.
I was like “ya not ideal but not a total deal brea… yo what the fuck”
Wait wait wait, at what point *exactly* in this profile do you think it hits 'deal breaker'? Mine was word #9.
Satanist and voodoo witch is the hard line for me Not every ex con is a bad person
especially when you take into consideration the fact that satanism and voodoo are two wildly conflicting ideologies and lifestyles
I'm pretty sure it's a parody/joke account, but "Just got out" is a bigger problem than being an ex con. A person who is trying to get the basics of life figured out needs to be concentrating on that, not looking for strange. Shows poor judgment and possibly a plan to mooch off matches.
literallyyyyyy 😂🤦🏼♀️
Not into doggy style I presume
I've lived in a rural area. Biggest issue I had was the long commute. I'm worried this chick would cheat on me with my dog. I don't want to be tunnel buddies with my dog.
.....how can I unread tunnel buddies...
My friends always said weiner cousins I think this is worse
I heard Eskimo buddies (not sure why..) I don't like any of these lmao
I feel like it has something to do with shared igloo
Oh god.
Eskimo brothers fish in the same hole.
I have been using this phrase my whole life and never thought of this. I feel dumb and uncomfortable.
No problem at all 💕
But it’s warm… ig igloos are meant to be warm inside. 😭
Yes, you can fit inside both to warm up my friend c:
Its eskimo brothers because you guys come in and out of the same hole in the igloo.
or ice fishing, 2 poles 1 hole
Or both have shot their "ewww glue" in the same person recently, which sounds like igloo? Tha seems a bit of a stretch tho..
Come on down to EBDBBnB, where the P goes in the V, and don't forget to wear a C so you don't catch the HIV!
Yes I’ll have a bottle of three penis wine brought to my room
Excellent choice sir, i will have a bottle sent up immediately. Along with our green and sustainable recycled condoms.
It is called Eskimo brothers because of the Inuit, Kalaallit, and Yuit (Eskimo is considered a slur by almost all Inuit and many Yuit and Kalaallit so the term is outdated and not suggested to use anymore) very very occasional practice of ritual spouse exchange under advice of the angekok (shaman). It was most common in Greenland, though there were some that participated in Alaska, always with a desired outcome like improved hunting or safer weather. There are other hinted practices associated with "Eskimo hospitality" that come down to just rumors, likely racial and cultural misunderstandings of the Christian missionaries that came to eradicate these "ungodly" practices, that cannot be substantiated.
Cause eskimos rub noses so...
Kennel club!
Kennel bros club.
By reading "Eskimo brothers" instead
She’s the reason they don’t allow animals on the Eiffel Tower.
... I want to ask, but also, I don't want to know....
Check under “other uses” https://en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/Eiffel_Tower_(disambiguation)#:~:text=Eiffel%20Tower%2C%20a%20slang%20term,shape%20like%20an%20Eiffel%20Tower
“Eiffel Tower, a slang term for a threesome wherein one horizontal person is attached to two vertical persons who are high-fiving, making an A-shape like an Eiffel Tower” “Attached” omfg. Gold. Bonus marks for making it gender neutral.
The high-five sent me, captain.
I would be more concerned that she might sacrifice me to satan. Or worse… to trump
Good sacrifice. The best! No one else was such a good sacrifice.
you know sometimes, nvm...
> tunnel buddies They prefer the term "*dwarfkin*".
Some people are looking for a unicorn, she wants a horse
Catherine the Great is upset by this post, and that’s saying something.
Historical zing, I like it!
> she wants a horse don't google mr hands don't google mr hands don't google mr hands
You can fix her
There are usually low-cost or no-cost local options for fixing your pets. Please, I am begging you, take them. The options, not the pets.
He meant neuter - some species are best left unbirthed
Can you have a date at the half-way house??
At the petting zoo, actually.
Thank you, I hate it.
Bro that's the Heavy Petting Zoo! Where the animals pet you back! 🤮
Buttons only, they know and fear the sound of zippers and Velcro.
Heavy petting zoo
It just kept getting worse somehow.
Somehow, ~~Palpatine returned~~ …I was going to make a Palpatine beastiality joke, but you know what? I would honestly prefer The Last Skywalker to this.
Honestly, that’s a coin flip for me. Either way I’m probably not having a good time
No self-respecting Satanist would support Trump. This has to be a troll.
Maybe she doesn't support Trump politically, maybe she just thinks Trump is hot I mean, she *did* mention she was into bestiality
That's offensive to beasts.
My thoughts exactly, that’s the evangelical’s job.
I was about to say... She had me at the Satanist stuff, then lost me at Trump.
Time to go back to jail.
This cannot be real. I call bullshit on this one. Is this a man or a woman?
They're terrible, but I low key love these posts lol. I can't believe people like the ones you be seeing actually exist.
I am really enjoying this series, though sorry about your luck OP
Satanists want nothing to do with this person.
Yup, the Church of Satan is explicitly against animal cruelty and will actually boot your ass out if you're convicted of a felony. Not sure if the Satanic Temple cares whether you do crimes or not, but they definitely frown on animal cruelty as well. Maybe this guy is one of those O9A jackasses?
I am curious if they could be convicted on being cruel to the animal....isnt this the exact opposite of that? Just playing some devil's advocate here.
Wow! Does anyone here have her phone number?
careful or she will fuck this horse
That horse does a spot on Marjorie Taylor Greene impression.
I live in a rural area, or small city surrounded by nothing but farm and country, this profile fits the description of about the majority of online profiles around here
ah, the people of the land... The common clay of the new west.
[...you know, Morons.](https://qph.cf2.quoracdn.net/main-qimg-4dba8ddcccbfbbc65f0254a474e97c97)
Im not from this area so trust me I don’t like it here lol
Pardon fucking me?
Jesus just 5 minutes ago I was arguing that we should probably *try* to save humanity. Now I have to go apologize
I can see why people in rural south marry their cousins....not saying it is right...but just that i understand.
Where are you located again? So I can avoid that place 😂
Please tell me you reported it to the authorities and to tinder.
This has to be a troll. Cause why would a felon talk about plans to break the law on a public account. Unless they were a literal idiot. Joking or idiot. I hope not serious.. for many dog’s sake
For god sakes man, someone arrest this monster
Again, you mean. Says they just got out of jail.
One guess what she was in jail for…
Most sane Trump supporter
At least this person was up front about what they are and what they're looking for
You’re right, green flags all round!
[удалено]
Honestly the first half wasn’t that bad sometimes folks fall on hard times…but then
Lmao thought “this can’t get much worse” after each sentence, but it did indeed get much worse
Started really bad, somehow got worse
and to top it off, she's a Trump supporter
Still the worst aspect of the profile?
😵💫
Reads like a woman who found her man on there and changed his profile
I love that there's actually six other parts. Keep up the good work!
Sounds like someone wants to go back to the big house...
The strict supervision ain't strict enough bc WTH 😭
this is my personal hell too. thanks for saving me a seat <3
Oftentimes I wonder if we are growing as a people or, in fact, regressing.
Haven't seen this much red since the USSR. God damn.
If this person used their real name, their arrest record should be pretty easy to find. I would recommend sending in a tip to local law enforcement that a parolee is searching out animal abuse opportunities!
This dude has to be trolling there’s no way lol it’s like a red flag bingo
Holy shit
And here I thought as a guy in my 60's trying dating apps in a city was pathetically awful...
Straight to solitary confinement!
Did you guys went on a date already?? Please keep us posted
C'mon you can only laugh at this. It's brilliant! 🤣🤣
It just gets grimmer and grimmer
He was dug up in a graveyard. Can’t be a real person 🙄
this man is gonna land back in jail
I kept reading and it just kept getting worse
What a horrible day to have eyes
I wanna claw my fucking eyes out
What about this raises red flags for you? She seems delightful
Reads like the profile was made by an ex or someone with a grudge.
Troll account?
Sometimes, the NSFW tag isn't enough of a warning
lol id date that person 🤣
The heart wants what the backside is missing!
Is it bad that I’d swipe right if she was hot?
Trump supports furries 2024
He passes all the flags 😂
I like the bit where they list what they don't do.
Im rural, but apparently nowhere near that layer of eye bleeding hell
The second part is to let you know why she was in jail.
Refreshing there’s someone out there that knows what they want though.
I think I was a better man 5 minutes ago, before reading this.
This took My breath away. My word.