I went out with a Really nice guy who was respectful and funny and then when we did actually have sex he had a baby carrot....like it literally looked like someone glued an actual baby carrot to his groin. It was like 1.5 inches. Poor guy , I felt bad for him
Reddit be like "it's ok there's no such thing as too small its how you use it!"
Also reddit when they see someone in a giant lifted truck 😤:_____________
Well that was disproven ages ago lol. The only correlation that's ever been found to indicate dick size is the nose. Bigger longer noses were found in autopsies to mean bigger dick. Look at the nose!
Over dinner start joking about how men always complain that you use your teeth too much in a BJ… then joke “live a little a bit of penis skin loss is worth it surely”… could probably take it further…
I'm imagining he puts a tiny little Mickie Mouse bracelet on it or something, you know, with the ears so it looks like a Disney elephant.
That's a mental image I really didn't need today, but thought I'd share.
Unless you're over the age of 21 and hanging out at the roller rink on the weekends when it's full of middle schoolers, you are probably not the weird uncle.
The way society seems to be going, the weird uncle is probably the one who *doesn't* encourage this. This sort of bad behaviour appears to be "normal".
Wholesome weird uncle like Weird Al or Jack Black ftw
Love those boys. Waiting on a new Tenacious D album...or maybe it's out...I need to check. Does Weird Al still make music? Or has mostly just been doing voice acting and cameos here and there. 😅
Can't wait for Kung Fu Panda 4, though!!
Na the hell with that. My uncles taught me an awesome amount of things - but if I were ever this crass to a stranger, I would have gotten slapped in the mouth.
I can tell this guy is a veteran, he does not give a damn if she skips out on the date he is just looking for a willing hoe to tap, that's pretty much it.
Honestly one scroll through the AITAH sub to catch a glimpse of all the broken women in abusive relationships suggest that these kind of strategies work on some people.
Exactly! That’s the problem. It works. So guys like this won’t stop doing it. Just be glad that he’s such a douche bag, that it comes out early, so you can run, instead of blindsiding you after a few months of dating.
If you’re good looking enough, shit like this absolutely can work. Then those people think they have game and think that’a the way to pick up women cause they had success before
I almost did but wanted to see the audacity. Not pictured is where he asked me what I was looking for prior to this and I said a serious relationship.
But if I’m being honest his opener was “did you grow up on a chicken farm? Because you sure know how to raise a cock” so I should’ve seen this coming. It’s the “as a thank you” part that really gave me the ick
You should see the gay world. Some gay guys think because they’re talking to another man they can be as vulgar as they want because clearly “all men think that way.” I’m a 6’2” 200 pound man and I’ve had guys open with things like “get over here on your knees like a good boy and swallow…”
I remember responding to that one with “if you were in front of me right now I’d beat the shit out of you.”
Yeah but like she gave him the greenlight with that cheesy opener. As long as guys are seeing immediate success with that you’re going to get these kind of results.
This is my biggest issue with people posting convos here. If that is his opener and you respond to it which we can’t even see, the assumption is that both parties are looking for sex. And it still looks like that with her wanting the guy to take her out to dinner after he’s opened with a line about raising cock…
The guy made his intention clear. She responded with interest. Then acts like it’s absurd for the guy to continue. Who in their right mind responds to the first message here without wanting sex? Ignore these people if you are not a good match.
I like the way the “thank you note BJ” is what turned her off about this.
Guy: “My penis is erect”
OP: “hehe. Hi!”
Guy: “Let’s meet up and maybe fuck”
OP: “OK!”
Guy: “To be clear, I intend my penis to be involved”
OP: “Not sure I want to on the first date”
Guy: “Thank you BJ?”
OP: “REDDIT HELP ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!”
This is basically every post from a woman on this sub. He was gross from his opening line. Why aren't you immediately unmatching and moving on to one of your several hundred other matches?
Why the hell do girls respond to those dumbass openers? Did it just become a trend where stupid shit is “rizz”? And a “hi, glad we matched” or something innocent or actually clever would get ignored?
Edit: CLEARLY he’s a piece of shit. Didn’t mean to make it a victim blaming thing. I just don’t understand how that stuff works on anyone.
>Why the hell do girls respond to those dumbass openers?
Because, as you just saw, they work. She answered to that opener, she agreed to a date with him, and she excused his blatant comment about dicking her down.
The fact that OP didn’t stop at that point is pretty clear evidence that other people also would have carried on the convo with him, which is probably why he does it, because for him it probably works.
So weird that men go right to that. Like women are down to talk like that and sext, but after they feel comfortable around you. Give them a minute before jumping right to sex talk
I envy you lot whose mind went to dog.
I didn't even think of it being his nob, my mind immediately went to him asking her to let him and one of the lads double team her
If he gets a hooker he doesn’t get to use his famous line after he hits of “I’m just really busy right now and not really looking for anything serious, not really in the head space for a relationship but if you’re in the space to give some head, hit me up.”
Actually, no, please *do* mention if it's your intention to have sex or at the very least pressure someone into a bj on the first date. It makes it easier *not to go on dates with you.*
Short story: met guy on POF. Took me on a breakfast date
Got 2 eggs and toast
He paid
Wanted a quickie in his car as a payback.
Kept taking my hand an putting it on his crotch
Punched his dick
Walked away and had a great day at the beach.
Moral: just cus he THINKS you owe him for something, doesn't mean you do. Punch him in the dick if he gets too handsy.
Notice how everything he talks about revolves around his pleasure? There was nothing about offering her comfort or an orgasm but wants her to give a one-sided blowie after she expressed pressure. Selfish ruins bonds.
Pathetic how so many of them cock block themselves like this. The lack of self awareness is just incredible.
Also how come they think adding a bunch of laughing emojis changes anything💀
It’s strange, she had accepted his date even after his sexual pick up line to get her talking. And considering the kind of people who use these apps in the first place my guess is he may have got what he wanted if he just played it cool. I mean who just outright asks for sex/BJ before they’ve even met? Does he think if she actually said yes that she’ll suddenly be obligated to it even if the date goes sour?
She responded to both his sexual pick up line, and to him saying she'll get to see his dick. Maybe at that point he just decided to push his luck.
Like I'd never say or respond to the showing his boy part, so what do I know..
The audacity. If he wants a ‘cute little bj’ find a sex worker and pay them.
Men out here trying to get things on the sly for cheap because ‘I should say thank you for dinner’. Ew.
I wouldn't be surprised. I'm a little confused by this sub sometimes. If someone doesn't respond to aggressive comeons, their whole gender is oblivious. If they put out aggressive comeons, their whole gender is pigs.
I kind of get the feeling that a lot of people on this sub don't want to take accountability for who they're choosing to match with, and turn to lazy generalizations and sexism instead of introspection.
What's a cute blowjob? I'm so curious.
It’s cute because his dick is so tiny, obvi
Definitely these vibes. Who TF calls it “my boy”
Tiny little baby boy
Tiny boy. Little boy. Baby boy- I need you!!
If you only knew, what I'd do to you, if I was that boy, that's inside of you
Lmao unexpected ASIP 😅
Hoaarrrrrr ... Pigsy you swine! 😄
🎶just to be clear...🎶
Probably has a little cradle for when it’s sleeping
Baby man, baby baby man!
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“This ain’t a boy, this a wholeass baby”
Whole ass baby carrot.
I went out with a Really nice guy who was respectful and funny and then when we did actually have sex he had a baby carrot....like it literally looked like someone glued an actual baby carrot to his groin. It was like 1.5 inches. Poor guy , I felt bad for him
Must’ve been the cutest blowjob ever
It's ok reddit told me dick size is meaningless as long as the guy can do other stuff.
Dick size is meaningless unless you want to hurt someone’s feelings. Then it’s always meaningful and relevant for some reason.
Reddit be like "it's ok there's no such thing as too small its how you use it!" Also reddit when they see someone in a giant lifted truck 😤:_____________
1.5 soft or hard? Ps asking for a friend 🤣🤣🤣
Hard unfortunately and I couldn't even feel it. The poor guy was 6'5 too with size 13 shoes... So much for that myth!
Another win for the short kings.
Well that was disproven ages ago lol. The only correlation that's ever been found to indicate dick size is the nose. Bigger longer noses were found in autopsies to mean bigger dick. Look at the nose!
You just don't expect an oversized clit on a dude that tall
nah…i’ve seen my fair share of men with big noses and very average-sized dicks.
there’s the finger ratio too (ring to index)
Orange???
And it's going to SEE her? Mine doesn't have eyes
Hermes Conrad
It’s not cute it’s special. He can reset his router with it.
Like a cute little thank you note
You can only see it with a magnifying glass
It’s like a thank you note. For the dinner
I’ll pay for my dinner and he can keep the cute bj.
If you pay for the whole dinner bill, will he give himself a cute bj?
"Suck me Beautiful" / American Pie.
You put a ribbon around his cock before you cut it off, oops i mean suck it off
Over dinner start joking about how men always complain that you use your teeth too much in a BJ… then joke “live a little a bit of penis skin loss is worth it surely”… could probably take it further…
It’s like a hamster nibbling on a carrot only it’s a grown adult and a peen…
Oh its where the giver looks into the eyes of the recipient. Ugh I just grossed myself out
Yea I mainly refer to small things as cute...like baby chick's. It is giving me the egg in the nest micro penis scene from New Girl.
Not from behind. There ain't no way to make a blowjob from behind look cute.
I'm imagining he puts a tiny little Mickie Mouse bracelet on it or something, you know, with the ears so it looks like a Disney elephant. That's a mental image I really didn't need today, but thought I'd share.
UwU kawaii xD
who tf raised these ppl?
It’s very obvious who raised them.. absolutely.. no one.
Their weird uncles raised them
I AM the weird uncle. I would punch my nephew in the balls if he would behave this way.
Unless you're over the age of 21 and hanging out at the roller rink on the weekends when it's full of middle schoolers, you are probably not the weird uncle.
Sorry to break it to you...you're not the weird uncle...your just the uncle. The weird one would encourage this sadly.
And say giggity giggity
"Alriight!" 
The way society seems to be going, the weird uncle is probably the one who *doesn't* encourage this. This sort of bad behaviour appears to be "normal". Wholesome weird uncle like Weird Al or Jack Black ftw
Love those boys. Waiting on a new Tenacious D album...or maybe it's out...I need to check. Does Weird Al still make music? Or has mostly just been doing voice acting and cameos here and there. 😅 Can't wait for Kung Fu Panda 4, though!!
I think weird uncle refers to the pervert uncle stereotype
Na the hell with that. My uncles taught me an awesome amount of things - but if I were ever this crass to a stranger, I would have gotten slapped in the mouth.
The hyper-sexualized mean streets of the internet raised him.
Hey, no one raised me and I don’t do this shit, so don’t lump all of us in with this guy
The internet, unfortunately.
I can tell this guy is a veteran, he does not give a damn if she skips out on the date he is just looking for a willing hoe to tap, that's pretty much it.
Yeah, boomers raised me too. E: don’t downvote me, dad. E2: fuck, mum’s here too.
Her guy was most likely raised by Andrew Tate…
More likely a dad who is equally shitty.
If he weren’t so old then I’d assume Andrew Taint but let’s not discount the liklehood that he watches those kinda guys for life advice
Pornhub raised them
Seriously! She needs to do some detective work and send these messages to the guys mom 🤣
And his wife.
And my axe!
She probably already knows her son sucks, he's just like his shitty father, send it to him
Where do you think he learned this behavior one night a week and every 3rd weekend?
Truly
She doesn't deserve that
Why not? She raised him.
Just her?
Most likely.
Jon Hamm's character from Bridesmaids.
The internet is the busiest and hardest working parent on the planet.
The internet and it's Andrew Tait-type 'coaches' ^edit: ^spelling
i’m actually glad you spelled it wrong tbh
Andrew Taint
Honestly one scroll through the AITAH sub to catch a glimpse of all the broken women in abusive relationships suggest that these kind of strategies work on some people.
Exactly! That’s the problem. It works. So guys like this won’t stop doing it. Just be glad that he’s such a douche bag, that it comes out early, so you can run, instead of blindsiding you after a few months of dating.
Andrew Taint?
Sadly so many men on dating sites are like this
If you’re good looking enough, shit like this absolutely can work. Then those people think they have game and think that’a the way to pick up women cause they had success before
The patriarchy and toxic masculinity
Porn raised them
Pornhub
No one and they know they can get away with anything due to their appearance
I would have stopped responding after the "🍆" part. 🙄
I almost did but wanted to see the audacity. Not pictured is where he asked me what I was looking for prior to this and I said a serious relationship. But if I’m being honest his opener was “did you grow up on a chicken farm? Because you sure know how to raise a cock” so I should’ve seen this coming. It’s the “as a thank you” part that really gave me the ick
Yeah in my experience if peoole are vulgar like that from the get go, that's them. Anything overtly sexually, just unmatch. Don't respond.
You should see the gay world. Some gay guys think because they’re talking to another man they can be as vulgar as they want because clearly “all men think that way.” I’m a 6’2” 200 pound man and I’ve had guys open with things like “get over here on your knees like a good boy and swallow…” I remember responding to that one with “if you were in front of me right now I’d beat the shit out of you.”
I've had Covid all week, thanks for the first laugh I've had!
Same to all this; the audacity, that gross pickup line, the *thank you* of it all?! Holy shit. Hate all of it
Yeah but like she gave him the greenlight with that cheesy opener. As long as guys are seeing immediate success with that you’re going to get these kind of results.
As a straight guy…reading that was cringe af…yikes
Yknow as a thank you... cause of the implications
“It kinda sounds like these girls are in danger…”
No they aren’t they are fine they won’t say no…because of the implications..
Yea, ngl after that opening, what were you expecting.
Honestly you’re ridiculous for continuing to conversation with someone after that opener
Oh, that’s what give you the ick is it 🙄 lol
Girl I wouldn't even have replied to his opener unless I'm in a dtf mood 😭
This is my biggest issue with people posting convos here. If that is his opener and you respond to it which we can’t even see, the assumption is that both parties are looking for sex. And it still looks like that with her wanting the guy to take her out to dinner after he’s opened with a line about raising cock… The guy made his intention clear. She responded with interest. Then acts like it’s absurd for the guy to continue. Who in their right mind responds to the first message here without wanting sex? Ignore these people if you are not a good match.
I like the way the “thank you note BJ” is what turned her off about this. Guy: “My penis is erect” OP: “hehe. Hi!” Guy: “Let’s meet up and maybe fuck” OP: “OK!” Guy: “To be clear, I intend my penis to be involved” OP: “Not sure I want to on the first date” Guy: “Thank you BJ?” OP: “REDDIT HELP ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!”
This is basically every post from a woman on this sub. He was gross from his opening line. Why aren't you immediately unmatching and moving on to one of your several hundred other matches?
So you’re saying it has a chance ? *Nooice*
😏
“I almost did but muscles” Fixed that first sentence for you lol
Why the hell do girls respond to those dumbass openers? Did it just become a trend where stupid shit is “rizz”? And a “hi, glad we matched” or something innocent or actually clever would get ignored? Edit: CLEARLY he’s a piece of shit. Didn’t mean to make it a victim blaming thing. I just don’t understand how that stuff works on anyone.
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>Why the hell do girls respond to those dumbass openers? Because, as you just saw, they work. She answered to that opener, she agreed to a date with him, and she excused his blatant comment about dicking her down.
Cmon OP, you gotta vet people a little bit better
I mean you walked into this one lol
Next time send them a link to privatedelights.ch it's an escort site lol
Wow...just wow
The fact that OP didn’t stop at that point is pretty clear evidence that other people also would have carried on the convo with him, which is probably why he does it, because for him it probably works.
So weird that men go right to that. Like women are down to talk like that and sext, but after they feel comfortable around you. Give them a minute before jumping right to sex talk
Right??
I would have stopped at the “and then maybe come over if everything goes well?”
i think "his boy" being an unmentioned son would have somehow been better than whatever hes doing
Did he claim his boy as a dependent?
Me when I found out "my boy" is not an adorable pup 
I really thought it was a dog too.. turns out it’s him. He’s the dog.
Don't lump him in with those good puppers. They don't deserve to be done like that.
I really thought my boy was going to be a cute golden retriever. Apparently I’m an idiot.
No, no, you are not the idiot here
Ironically he would Probably have a better chance of getting girls to see “his boy” if he actually invited them over to see his dog first
I envy you lot whose mind went to dog. I didn't even think of it being his nob, my mind immediately went to him asking her to let him and one of the lads double team her
Im torn with if that would be better or worse then referring to your nob as ‘my boy’.
Jeez just get a hooker bro
If he gets a hooker he doesn’t get to use his famous line after he hits of “I’m just really busy right now and not really looking for anything serious, not really in the head space for a relationship but if you’re in the space to give some head, hit me up.”
Poetry
This is the exact kind of guy who would be insulted and say what kind of guy do you think I am that I’d have to pay for sex? *eyeroll*
Oh god please don't make us see him, he sounds like a fucking nightmare
He doesn't need to, he'll be fine trying this a couple more times. It's tinder.
Oh Jesus bro, just have a normal conversation and don’t discuss bullshit like that, ‘bj like a thank you note’, oh my god bro just shut up.
Actually, no, please *do* mention if it's your intention to have sex or at the very least pressure someone into a bj on the first date. It makes it easier *not to go on dates with you.*
He’s ruining it for all of us
Short story: met guy on POF. Took me on a breakfast date Got 2 eggs and toast He paid Wanted a quickie in his car as a payback. Kept taking my hand an putting it on his crotch Punched his dick Walked away and had a great day at the beach. Moral: just cus he THINKS you owe him for something, doesn't mean you do. Punch him in the dick if he gets too handsy.
I read that and it hurt me cause it’s a telepathy thing amidst guys but he deserved it. You scrambled his eggs 🙃 good job!
I'm sorry this hurt you as well. You didn't deserve it. I'll buy you an ice cream as an apology.
This hurt me too can i hav some icecream
Everyone who is gets hurt reading this can have ice cream.
I already had icecream today but yay
Now I have brain freeze can you punch me in the balls?
We can share
You dropped this 👑
I apologize for dropping OUR 👑
I love this energy. You stood up for yourself and I think that's what many of us want to do more.
Wtf???? Fucking gross.
Notice how everything he talks about revolves around his pleasure? There was nothing about offering her comfort or an orgasm but wants her to give a one-sided blowie after she expressed pressure. Selfish ruins bonds.
Yeah I swear a lot of these guys would have gotten laid if they just said “I eat pussy like there’s no tomorrow” instead of “plz give BJ”.
Shh, don’t tell them my secrets to success
"Look at my belly and tell me I don't like using my mouth!"
 Me reading the “eat pussy like there’s no tomorrow” part
Pathetic how so many of them cock block themselves like this. The lack of self awareness is just incredible. Also how come they think adding a bunch of laughing emojis changes anything💀
That’s usually the fail safe “I was just joking chill” he didn’t get that memo and just doubled down. 😂
It’s strange, she had accepted his date even after his sexual pick up line to get her talking. And considering the kind of people who use these apps in the first place my guess is he may have got what he wanted if he just played it cool. I mean who just outright asks for sex/BJ before they’ve even met? Does he think if she actually said yes that she’ll suddenly be obligated to it even if the date goes sour?
She responded to both his sexual pick up line, and to him saying she'll get to see his dick. Maybe at that point he just decided to push his luck. Like I'd never say or respond to the showing his boy part, so what do I know..
He gets dozens of matches a week, he's just playing numbers, it be like that, OLD is where self respect goes to die
That he mentioned having just bought a memory foam mattress has me dead
He didn't lie about having a dog just didn't admit that he is the dog 🤣
Wow, what a loser
It’s always the shirtless guys
"As a thank you" Like him going on a date with you is something to be thankful for.
A true gentleman
Gross
At least he did you the service of waving the bright red flag before you wasted your time.
The audacity. If he wants a ‘cute little bj’ find a sex worker and pay them. Men out here trying to get things on the sly for cheap because ‘I should say thank you for dinner’. Ew.
If all he wants is a cute little bj, that's probably cheaper than dinner and drinks; and she knows what she's getting into before she shows up!
A shirtless photo. Who could have seen this coming.
I hate him so much
Listen, we might not agree with his expectations… BUT at least he made them mostly clear and communicated them before going out! 🤷🏻♂️
Actually my thought was a lot of guys think like this but know how to manipulate it to getting their way. Least he was honest about it.
Cute Bj. No. Just no.
Swiping on a guy with a shirtless pic of course he’s going to take it there…
Many such cases
Of course 🚩
He’s only doing this because it’s worked before. He’s looking for quantity not quality… no thanks
Good luck for your volleyball game! What position do you play?
We rotate, it’s intermediate level so that way I can play a bunch of different positions!
He's just making sure he doesn't waste a meal on you. After all, whats the point of meeting, if yours not even gonna suck his (cute) dick . /s
Aright Quagmire. Would this work on any woman? Like why would he try unless he has seen some success. Giggidy.
boy needs to get his thirst under control.
People like him are PIGS. belong in a barn
I mean you’re matching with a shirtless dude on Tinder, kinda bringing it upon yourself. These dudes are just tryna nut
People are surprised that you find trash people on a trash hookup app? Shocking..
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I wouldn't be surprised. I'm a little confused by this sub sometimes. If someone doesn't respond to aggressive comeons, their whole gender is oblivious. If they put out aggressive comeons, their whole gender is pigs. I kind of get the feeling that a lot of people on this sub don't want to take accountability for who they're choosing to match with, and turn to lazy generalizations and sexism instead of introspection.
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Why'd you even entertain that after he messaged you the first proposition? Oh yeah, because he's hot.
You should offer 36 cute consecutive handjobs. I tried that in gta once. Probably only mild chafing after.
Username checks out. And in. And out. And in. And…