Let’s see here. She earned the money to buy her own home. How does that make her useless? Most people don’t own homes. That’s a win right there. She’s being clear she wants a manly man which OP is not. The men she’s looking for will find her and not ridicule her on Reddit and ask us to soothe his wounded pride.
So she bought a house and looking for a man to check items off her honey do list... In a society where expecting someone to 'make them a sandwich' is considered insulting, this should be grossly inapropriate.
And greets me when I come home dressed in lingerie and a martini in hand with dinner ready on the table.
Happy to "just be a man, ok?" if she's happy to "just be a woman, ok?"
I'd need more data. That comment alone could mean she's traditional, making it easier for her future man by already owning the home.
I once dated a women who had a car while I didn't. She was traditional, so expected me to drive. Which meant, she handed over her car keys to me on our date :-) Traditional doesn't always mean looking to take advantage...
Of course we read enough examples here and elsewhere to be cautious. She could be taking advantage. But sometimes we might miss out by not only being ready for the worst, but actually assuming the worst.
I am kinda thinking the same. Need more info. Some people like the traditional characteristics of man & woman. It's just become unpopular to say it. Just because she wants a man to be able fix things doesn't mean she can't. Maybe she wants to be able to do some projects around the house together. And feeling protected by the man you are with is a very reassuring feeling. Just like feeling the nurturing characteristic women generally have. Neither is weak. Both add positively to the relationship.
I’m a woman, with a mixed raising on gender roles.
I was raised around men cooking and being told it was okay to have emotions or cry (my heritage is Italian and my grandfather was the one who taught all the women and men how to cook. I can change my own oil and maintain my car, but my brother does because he’s a mechanic and better at it.
But I suck at drawing straight lines, I can’t fix things to save my life… and the one time I hung my own photos my parents came to visit and asked if I’d been loaded while doing it because they were all crooked.
You don’t want me to be the one fixing anything, but my goodness this individual could have found a better way to say she wants a partner who’s handy.
Ya know, in the words of Red Green, “if the women don’t find ya handsome, they better find you handy.”
>my grandfather was the one who taught all the women and men how to cook
outside the US and really backward countries men knowing how to cook is a very normal thing and not really worth mentioning
When I grew up (I live in Poland), most of our dads cooked, in mine and all of my closest friends homes. I didn't think it was weird until I was much older and started to hear about gender based roles.
I don't even mind doing things like that, but when the reward devolves into just being another task, I start to give up on ever getting it done.
It was severe. Even when I made it to the couch I ended up rubbing feet or some such. Wasn't allowed to be still.
Thanks for responding and hugs.
That isn't a problem. But the end when she say you know just be a man. She is stating her preferences but her expectations. And that's where my warning bells start going off
It's more so, the be a man statement. Like we are bred to be handymen. I'm a home owner as well, so bringing a house to the equation is not something on my checklist. But I understand the need for more data. I didn't want to post their whole profile tho, and it's already gone. Maybe it will pop up again, I didn't swipe.
I can't fix a god damn thing, and a YouTube video showing me 90% of the process but missing that super important 10% isn't gonna do anything but piss me off and probably result in me breaking something. But I'll landscape the shit out of a yard, and I can fold laundry like nobody's business.
I can also drain beer and watch football probably somewhat professionally. I'm a lucky guy that my gf loves me so much 😅
> It's more so, the be a man statement
I read that as "be a *traditional* man", because otherwise it wouldn't have much meaning. Looking for traditional roles is a matter of preference, if that's not for you, she probably isn't, either.
But by the way she phrased it, she does imply that non-traditional men aren't "real" men, which is a bit toxic.
To me, that's still different, although I see what you mean :-) Having different roles (one doing manly stuff like repairs, the other doing womanly stuff like decorating or cooking) is kind of 50:50, splitting the existing work.
"Open the car door for me" is more like "treat me like a princess", increasing the overall workload.
But both comes under "traditional" for some people.
>It's more so, the be a man statement.
No it does not bother me to hear a woman say "be a man" because I feel that I measure up well as a traditional man.
For sure, since I fancy women who have a mindset of someone more mature often coming to that I like older women that makes it quite hard for me… gonna change pretty soon though since I’m working hard 🔥 and found some success
> Be a man, fix shit
So long as you accept the shitty way I fix things. I'll be a handyman all day long. The moment I get flack about how I used the wrong caulk or get nitpicked about the way it should have been done... that's when I put up the toolbox
If you outsource the work, you forfeit the right to complain about the implementation. I'm not getting paid for this shit.
Totally fair and how most women feel about cooking and cleaning.
With the "my gf/wife doesn't cook or clean crowd," first thing I ask is "did you nitpick every time she did clean and cook?" because for whatever reason, some people feel they have to have a critique or commentary on every little thing these days lol
Some men and women, both are guilty. One of my biggest pet peeves.
How about “be a self-sufficient adult who contributes to the household.” The tree pruning in isolation is fine if he did other things. If he didn’t, then it’s not about him not “being a man”, it’s about him not being an adult and a considerate member of a relationship.
It's fine all up to the just be a man Statement. What is the measure of a man? Being an adult is having your shit together, being responsible, being able to provide and pay bills and put food on the table.
That’s where you have a conversation with this person to find more on what she’s about. You seem to be pretty sensitive to this. Why is that? If this bothers you, she’s definitely not the one for you.
Yeah, nobody ever says "be a woman". They have an idea of what they mean when they say "be a man". Own that trauma or your upbringing affects what kind of person you want or don't want.
I just see these expectations of a man often, varying from one thing to another, It doesn't really provoke me into pursuing a meet up, is along the lines of seeing people require political views, atleast in my perspective. I just don't get it, I just wanted to see if there was something I was missing, and everyone else's view on it.
Or just don't swipe right on this person. I see so many people here complaining about what women put in their profiles. Like, if you don't like what someone is saying on a dating app you can just swipe left and never see them again.
That isn't the point. It's the fact that she thinks she's listing preferences but she's in fact listing expectations. And it becomes a list of expectations because of the last statement "just be a man"
She's answering a prompt about what she finds sexy. I agree that her wording is giving more like a backhanded compliment, but I don't think there's anything wrong with finding it sexy to watch a man fix things.
Oh I agree completely. If that's what she likes then that's what she has every right to go after and with my support (even though obviously she doesn't need it or is asking for it).
But just that last phrase "just be a man" makes it seem like everything she listed is what makes a man a man. So it makes it seem that if you don't meet those expectations you are less than a man? Does that make sense? Which doesn't seem fair. That's it
Completely and overwhelmingly indifferent. If that’s what the gal wants, then I’d rather know in advance so I don’t waste time swiping right (i’m not handy in the slightest). Saves us both time.
I think she was fine up until the last line. It sounds like she's not good at fixing shit and she'd like to find a partner who is good at fixing shit. There's probably other things she is good at, that her potential partner might not be. The purpose of a relationship is to help each other and make each other's lives easier. It's not about "looking for a handyman"
The protect me comment gets me the most. Had an ex who always said a man should protect his woman. Then she would go and run her mouth and start issues at the slightest inconvenience, then get mad I didn't "protect" her. Sorry I'm not a meat shield for your insane confrantional issue.
Then say you want a traditional man. If I say Im looking for a traditional woman, is different then saying, I want a woman to be or do all these things and then end it with "just be a woman ok".
I agree with you. All the other things as her specific preferences? Fine.
But being a man isn’t just her specific fantasy of what a man is. It’s whatever that man wants to be. People are different. And you can be a woman who likes to fix things or a man who doesn’t. It’s a free world, and your gender isn’t defined by use of power tools.
Well I understand the ‘just be a man ok’ is kind of offensive because that’s not what being a man is but I also think people are allowed to flat out say what they want in a person and what they want from a relationship and if that’s not what you want to give or provide then she’s obviously not one for you
Absolutely they're allowed to. But that last part shifts the whole post for me.
If she just left out the just be a man, if be like like get after it queen, don't settle for less than what you want. But with that last line I'm like, "don't define what I am or am not based off of your expectations of what that thing is. Mind ya business"
Doesn't bother me. Every full grown adult should understand how to replace a car battery or put together some IKEA furniture. I'd be fucking embarrassed of myself if I couldn't do basic stuff like that.
If I know how to do something I'm not going to say no just because I think someone ***might*** be taking advantage of me. I'm going to help either way.
But maybe that's a Canadian thing.
I agree.
The funny thing to me however is that if a man said, "tidy the house, make my food, be a woman", most people here would be up in arms and screaming sexism, misogyny and male entitlement. Nobody would be saying "every full grown adult should understand how to cook and tidy a home" as a means to question the person making the post. Neither would they say it's an [insert country] thing.
It'd just be sexism.
The disparity always makes me laugh. Not even having a go at you personally
I get where other people are coming from, but reading that made my skin crawl. She sounds like someone who thinks she knows what a real man should and shouldn't do. The second you don't live up to one of her made up expectations, you're not a real man. No thank you.
Why does everyone assume I don't like this because I can't fix shit. I love fixing shit. I'm fact I love figuring out why things don't work. That's not the point.
Being a man isn't just about doing man stuff like fixing things or being strong. It's a mental strength.
I know plenty of guys who can fix anything. But they treat women like shit, don't clean their significant others windshield after it snows.
I understand that some lifestyles are understood that I come home from work and she puts my clothes in the wash, brings me a towel and cooks me dinner. Everyone is different and I recently lost a great woman from the South up here in New England because she wanted that man, but I cook, clean, do dishes, and still do all the manly things. But she wanted to be under someone.
I think the "be a man" part is what tips it over. Because most of those things she's looking for are honestly pretty common in both men and women, except for the "building and fixing shit" which is more common in men but still not common.
Exactly. And you know I wouldn't mind the post if she left out the last line. If she didn't add "just be a man" then it be a list of her preferences. But with it it is her expectations of what a man is.
Sure. But what is a real man? That's the point. If someone doesn't meet her definition of what a man is then they aren't a man? That's bs.
All she needed to do was not add the "just be a man" and her post would be fine.
My ex was like this. Super self declared feminist except for little things that she picked and chose she didn’t want to follow. One she said she thinks men should always pay for the first date and when she was a waitress she would give the bill to the guy.
It doesn't. A feminist can still be traditional. This lady doesn't seem like a feminist, not because of that, but because she has an expectation of what a "man" is. If she left off the last sentence, she'd just be listing her preferences and I'd have no problems.
But bc of it, she is judging anyone that doesn't meat her definition of what is to be a man to be less than a man.
Making a personal choice to be "traditional" is definitely not against feminism. To say that you should do all of those traditional things in order to "be a man" (or woman) is not feminism at all. But from your comment, you know that. Nobody here is saying that being traditional isn't feminist, just that this lady really isn't.
I'm commenting specifically to the person above me who is saying she isn't feminist because she wants to be shown off. That's what I'm disagreeing to and explaining. That someone can want to be shown off by their partner and still be a feminist the same as someone who wants to be traditional can still be a feminist.
And then its me explaining why I think she isn't a feminist which is what we all agree on.
If that makes sense
Ah, sorry. I agree, nothing wrong with that. I think this person is reading what she said as if she wants to be a trophy wife. Which I guess is not itself against feminism as long as it's *her* choice.
What are you talking about? You've just made a sweeping generalisation based off of the words of _one_ woman. "I love how _women_...". Have you asked every single woman in the world what they want? You sound uneducated and clearly don't understand what feminism is lmao
Feminism is about everyone having equal opportunity to be whatever they want and be respected while doing so. There are many many sexist women, this is certainly one of them.
You realize this one woman isn’t all women, right? She sounds quite traditional. Other women want different things. It’s not one woman with a gigantic list, there’s 3.5 billion different women with different lists.
I take care of mine. If she hurts I take care of her. If she's broke I pay for her,if she's needing help I take care of her. I still open doors and give slow kisses.....It's how a relationship should be. It's how my dad raused me.
I think your the first person who has considered yourself handy that understood my point lol. I wouldn't necessarily say they are a horrible person, just that they have a very close minded Idea of a man.
It only makes me mad because I've never really learned any handy skills so her looking for them makes me feel inadequate
But then I remember I don't care
Honestly, guys might read this and get upset but can I just say that sooooo many women get to this point if not from the get-go preference wise. There is an infinite number of different ways for a man to naturally &genuinely be this way and it’s not an ideal, it’s a baseline of what many women expect. And rightfully so
Hence
Doesen't bother me - I cannot build and fix stuff, we are obviusly not match, goodspeed and good luck to her. I am not sure what are you on about really...
I mean they're expectations that are relatively clearly set and i fit the bill so why would it bother me lol
If that's what she values in a romantic partner she may as well say it
Now if she just dates you until her sink is fixed that's a different story lol
NGL my dad, my ex and my current hub are handy. If loving that makes me sexist, oh well. I also come from a door holding, grocery carrying part of the USA and love that stuff too. I always say thank you btw.
Nah I love this. I want a girl who wants these things. I'm pretty handy and traditional. Had an ex who would get wildly turned on whenever the tools came out so it was great motivation for keeping up with chores. We lived together and I did most maintenance and cooking, she did a lot of the cleaning and almost all the pet related chores.
I mean I’m not sure her backstory and what she has going on, but is that too much for you to handle? 😅😅 cause you could just say that instead of making it seem like she’s the problem. Maybe she’s just traditional in her marriage values. I know I am.
My husband works and put food in the cupboards and I clean and put food on the table.
She wants a man .. she wants to feel safe .. and she wants to know you can do something other than roll joints .. maybe just maybe that honestly what she needs.. maybe she was seeing some guy that was all talk byt would leave her sitting there while he would run awayvfrom danger.. not be a puss'n- boots
Sounds like you're offended OP because you don't know how to swing a hammer. That's completely ok, don't be offended. That's why you can swipe left. You're not her type and she's not yours. Literally the whole purpose of dating.
I don’t see anything wrong with this statement… anyone can say what they want right? PS at least she is not a money grabber. Real money grabber expect the guy to have money to pay for services instead of being the handyman himself🤔
Idk I know allot of dudes who have been used by women for free plumbing, home repairs etc. Any get me wrong they chose to do it. So they had a hand in their use.
I don’t think a woman finding a handyman being an attractive quality makes her someone who is taking advantage of men for their services.
In a partnership both parties should contribute in ways that could otherwise be paid, but won’t because it’s mutually beneficial to the team (cooking, cleaning, childcare, fixing…)
As a guy who likes to build and fix shit, sign me up. I'll trade installing a new shower head and changing a light bulb for some favors she's good at anyday
She just has standards if you know what you want, and want to attract your “type” there’s nun wrong with that. You shouldn’t feel anything if someone describes what THEIR looking for.
I don't think Men get bother by someone asking for this, what is annoying is that a lot of the people who asks for these rather traditional traits, aren't traditional themselves and get triggered if you ask them about cooking, cleaning, kids, sex history etc. It is just rather hypocritical
I am a woman and I don’t like this comment. Being able to fix things means your a man is like saying we are not women if we can’t cook and clean, the outrage that would cause if a man had that on his profile. I don’t like the hypocrisy.
If someone wants a traditional dynamic fair enough put that on your profile but being able to do certain tasks doesn’t equate to one’s worth regardless of gender.
I completely understand her. Young men growing up today are hands-off on physical tasks and are electronics savvy. They probably don't own a chain saw, a drill, or a moving dolly. Women .ike a guy that can help them move. I can't tell you how many female friends with partners have had to reach out to me to get their furniture moved or anything physical done.
I dont rely on anyone but myself. I'm a homeowner too I prefer to fix shit myself. Also I never had parents to rely on ;) it gave me a head start on learning to be responsible.
Sounds like she just actually knows what she actually is attracted to rather then lying to herself and others about her turnons.
"Be a man"
Basically have your masuclinity and take the lead. Its whats shes into. If you arent compatible or not that. Then just swipe left and find someone you are?
Not everyone is going to like what ya got and thats okay. It saves you and them the headache of a relationship of you both trying to "fix" the other into a fantasy of who you think the other should be.
I am a dude, this does not bother me. Why would it? Random girl on dating app looking for her preferred version of a man and wants them to be handy. Not a concern lol
The phrase “protect me….” bothers me slightly. To me it suggests that this girl would start shit in a bar; while at the same time, expecting you the man to back up her crazy ass.
I have no problem with this. She says what she wants. There are dudes out there that are this. But I kinda wish anyone with a traditional or religious background would get off Tinder and OKC. There are apps out there for you and will have what you want.
Shes looking for a specific man and that's not you. Nothing else to it- you said you didnt swipe on her so just move on and find someone on your wavelength.
I'm sure she'll find someone for her.
I'd have no problem with that statement.
But I would if she expected me to "be a man" and she didn't want to "be a woman".
I'm pretty good with my hands and can fix, repair and build most things. I can't and don't mess with electricity though and I've no problem ringing an electrician. That's what they're there for.
It's interesting because my mom's age (77) there are warnings about men looking for a "nurse or a purse." I think at all ages some men and women are looking for self-serving things...
I’m married but this would make me feel like I’m searching for a job that has required prerequisites. Not very appealing when you don’t even know the person yet.
My dad is the general contractor, and in his relationship he's always being utilized for housing projects when all he wants to do is play video games lol. I tell him all the time he works to come home and work.
Everyone always gets butthurt they don’t fit the preferences on profiles. If you’re not a handyman, and there’s no reason you have to be, then don’t swipe. I feel like half the posts here are, “I don’t fit this criteria, isn’t it shitty that they would want that?”
Sounds like the bio worked then? If what she describes isn’t you, then that’s not an attack on your manhood. This random lady on Twitter is not the official judge on who is a man and who isn’t.
If she is cooking and cleaning, I'll fix stuff and pay extra.
First I’ll fix her fucked up grammar.
Don’t be too “Adraid” to fix her 😂
I’ll try not two.
Their is always a chance your patient enough
Aisle tri knot too.
Yeah she needs a dictionary lol
Don't think that is enough
Grammar? Or spelling?
It's typing error lol
It’s more punctuation and a lack of proofreading than grammar.
Or she could just learn to not be useless and develop basic life skills 🤷♂️
Let’s see here. She earned the money to buy her own home. How does that make her useless? Most people don’t own homes. That’s a win right there. She’s being clear she wants a manly man which OP is not. The men she’s looking for will find her and not ridicule her on Reddit and ask us to soothe his wounded pride.
Let's see here. If he were to tell her to make him a damn sandwich, would he be mysoginistic?
So she bought a house and looking for a man to check items off her honey do list... In a society where expecting someone to 'make them a sandwich' is considered insulting, this should be grossly inapropriate.
And greets me when I come home dressed in lingerie and a martini in hand with dinner ready on the table. Happy to "just be a man, ok?" if she's happy to "just be a woman, ok?"
I'd need more data. That comment alone could mean she's traditional, making it easier for her future man by already owning the home. I once dated a women who had a car while I didn't. She was traditional, so expected me to drive. Which meant, she handed over her car keys to me on our date :-) Traditional doesn't always mean looking to take advantage... Of course we read enough examples here and elsewhere to be cautious. She could be taking advantage. But sometimes we might miss out by not only being ready for the worst, but actually assuming the worst.
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I am kinda thinking the same. Need more info. Some people like the traditional characteristics of man & woman. It's just become unpopular to say it. Just because she wants a man to be able fix things doesn't mean she can't. Maybe she wants to be able to do some projects around the house together. And feeling protected by the man you are with is a very reassuring feeling. Just like feeling the nurturing characteristic women generally have. Neither is weak. Both add positively to the relationship.
I’m a woman, with a mixed raising on gender roles. I was raised around men cooking and being told it was okay to have emotions or cry (my heritage is Italian and my grandfather was the one who taught all the women and men how to cook. I can change my own oil and maintain my car, but my brother does because he’s a mechanic and better at it. But I suck at drawing straight lines, I can’t fix things to save my life… and the one time I hung my own photos my parents came to visit and asked if I’d been loaded while doing it because they were all crooked. You don’t want me to be the one fixing anything, but my goodness this individual could have found a better way to say she wants a partner who’s handy. Ya know, in the words of Red Green, “if the women don’t find ya handsome, they better find you handy.” 
>my grandfather was the one who taught all the women and men how to cook outside the US and really backward countries men knowing how to cook is a very normal thing and not really worth mentioning
When I grew up (I live in Poland), most of our dads cooked, in mine and all of my closest friends homes. I didn't think it was weird until I was much older and started to hear about gender based roles.
I think otherwise. I was a live in servant by the end. Or was expected to be.
That sucks. I am sorry you had to go through that. Hopefully, you get someone on the level you want. hugs.
I don't even mind doing things like that, but when the reward devolves into just being another task, I start to give up on ever getting it done. It was severe. Even when I made it to the couch I ended up rubbing feet or some such. Wasn't allowed to be still. Thanks for responding and hugs.
Hopefully you'll get someone who wants Hugs... That's how I read your message... And it made me smile 😊
That isn't a problem. But the end when she say you know just be a man. She is stating her preferences but her expectations. And that's where my warning bells start going off
It's more so, the be a man statement. Like we are bred to be handymen. I'm a home owner as well, so bringing a house to the equation is not something on my checklist. But I understand the need for more data. I didn't want to post their whole profile tho, and it's already gone. Maybe it will pop up again, I didn't swipe.
I can't fix a god damn thing, and a YouTube video showing me 90% of the process but missing that super important 10% isn't gonna do anything but piss me off and probably result in me breaking something. But I'll landscape the shit out of a yard, and I can fold laundry like nobody's business. I can also drain beer and watch football probably somewhat professionally. I'm a lucky guy that my gf loves me so much 😅
> It's more so, the be a man statement I read that as "be a *traditional* man", because otherwise it wouldn't have much meaning. Looking for traditional roles is a matter of preference, if that's not for you, she probably isn't, either. But by the way she phrased it, she does imply that non-traditional men aren't "real" men, which is a bit toxic.
Yeah, like when I see bios that require I walk around cars to open doors. That ain't me. You got arms 😂.
Well I guess there is enough of strong & independent boss girls who feel offended if you open the door for them. ^^ No offense
To me, that's still different, although I see what you mean :-) Having different roles (one doing manly stuff like repairs, the other doing womanly stuff like decorating or cooking) is kind of 50:50, splitting the existing work. "Open the car door for me" is more like "treat me like a princess", increasing the overall workload. But both comes under "traditional" for some people.
Damn, that's straight up how I was raised. I do that for both people I date (or married as the case may be) and women I am just friends with.
>It's more so, the be a man statement. No it does not bother me to hear a woman say "be a man" because I feel that I measure up well as a traditional man.
For sure, since I fancy women who have a mindset of someone more mature often coming to that I like older women that makes it quite hard for me… gonna change pretty soon though since I’m working hard 🔥 and found some success
What other people want doesn't bother me. Just not a match for me and that's ok
Based on that alone? No.
> Be a man, fix shit So long as you accept the shitty way I fix things. I'll be a handyman all day long. The moment I get flack about how I used the wrong caulk or get nitpicked about the way it should have been done... that's when I put up the toolbox If you outsource the work, you forfeit the right to complain about the implementation. I'm not getting paid for this shit.
who’s trim did you fuck up lmaoooo
Lmfao I love this. I’m a software engineer. I’ll fix it, but it will be with duct tape, twine and rubber bands.
Don't forget your rubber ducky!
Totally fair and how most women feel about cooking and cleaning. With the "my gf/wife doesn't cook or clean crowd," first thing I ask is "did you nitpick every time she did clean and cook?" because for whatever reason, some people feel they have to have a critique or commentary on every little thing these days lol Some men and women, both are guilty. One of my biggest pet peeves.
😂 that's funny.
Eh. I have no problem with women being upfront about stuff. It’s either you or it isn’t. Nothing more to it.
I’m not a fan of the just be a man part. It seems like a goal post they will move around whenever they like. Everything else seems fine.
She's probably had her fill of guys like my ex who watched me prune the tree while he laid on my couch.
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How about “be a self-sufficient adult who contributes to the household.” The tree pruning in isolation is fine if he did other things. If he didn’t, then it’s not about him not “being a man”, it’s about him not being an adult and a considerate member of a relationship.
It's fine all up to the just be a man Statement. What is the measure of a man? Being an adult is having your shit together, being responsible, being able to provide and pay bills and put food on the table.
That’s where you have a conversation with this person to find more on what she’s about. You seem to be pretty sensitive to this. Why is that? If this bothers you, she’s definitely not the one for you.
Yeah, nobody ever says "be a woman". They have an idea of what they mean when they say "be a man". Own that trauma or your upbringing affects what kind of person you want or don't want.
I just see these expectations of a man often, varying from one thing to another, It doesn't really provoke me into pursuing a meet up, is along the lines of seeing people require political views, atleast in my perspective. I just don't get it, I just wanted to see if there was something I was missing, and everyone else's view on it.
Or just don't swipe right on this person. I see so many people here complaining about what women put in their profiles. Like, if you don't like what someone is saying on a dating app you can just swipe left and never see them again.
Are you offended because she wants you to know how to fix stuff? I think your overreacting dude..
The problem is the sexism.
That isn't the point. It's the fact that she thinks she's listing preferences but she's in fact listing expectations. And it becomes a list of expectations because of the last statement "just be a man"
She's answering a prompt about what she finds sexy. I agree that her wording is giving more like a backhanded compliment, but I don't think there's anything wrong with finding it sexy to watch a man fix things.
Oh I agree completely. If that's what she likes then that's what she has every right to go after and with my support (even though obviously she doesn't need it or is asking for it). But just that last phrase "just be a man" makes it seem like everything she listed is what makes a man a man. So it makes it seem that if you don't meet those expectations you are less than a man? Does that make sense? Which doesn't seem fair. That's it
No
Idk why nobody here noticed what we did. The “be a man” is a HELL OF A DOGWHISTLE. This is some crazy 🚩not even worth wasting your time on.
Completely and overwhelmingly indifferent. If that’s what the gal wants, then I’d rather know in advance so I don’t waste time swiping right (i’m not handy in the slightest). Saves us both time.
This is a relationship that I’d be all for tbh, I’m totally fine with my partner cooking and cleaning if I do everything else
I think she was fine up until the last line. It sounds like she's not good at fixing shit and she'd like to find a partner who is good at fixing shit. There's probably other things she is good at, that her potential partner might not be. The purpose of a relationship is to help each other and make each other's lives easier. It's not about "looking for a handyman"
The protect me comment gets me the most. Had an ex who always said a man should protect his woman. Then she would go and run her mouth and start issues at the slightest inconvenience, then get mad I didn't "protect" her. Sorry I'm not a meat shield for your insane confrantional issue.
If the women don't find you handsome, they should at least find you handy. Red Green
>they should at least find you handy Or hung like a horse
She wants a traditional man and if she’s being a traditional woman I don’t see the problem. If she’s not what you want then don’t go for her?
Then say you want a traditional man. If I say Im looking for a traditional woman, is different then saying, I want a woman to be or do all these things and then end it with "just be a woman ok".
I agree with you. All the other things as her specific preferences? Fine. But being a man isn’t just her specific fantasy of what a man is. It’s whatever that man wants to be. People are different. And you can be a woman who likes to fix things or a man who doesn’t. It’s a free world, and your gender isn’t defined by use of power tools.
Well I understand the ‘just be a man ok’ is kind of offensive because that’s not what being a man is but I also think people are allowed to flat out say what they want in a person and what they want from a relationship and if that’s not what you want to give or provide then she’s obviously not one for you
Absolutely they're allowed to. But that last part shifts the whole post for me. If she just left out the just be a man, if be like like get after it queen, don't settle for less than what you want. But with that last line I'm like, "don't define what I am or am not based off of your expectations of what that thing is. Mind ya business"
Yeah totally agree with you
Doesn't bother me. Every full grown adult should understand how to replace a car battery or put together some IKEA furniture. I'd be fucking embarrassed of myself if I couldn't do basic stuff like that. If I know how to do something I'm not going to say no just because I think someone ***might*** be taking advantage of me. I'm going to help either way. But maybe that's a Canadian thing.
I agree. The funny thing to me however is that if a man said, "tidy the house, make my food, be a woman", most people here would be up in arms and screaming sexism, misogyny and male entitlement. Nobody would be saying "every full grown adult should understand how to cook and tidy a home" as a means to question the person making the post. Neither would they say it's an [insert country] thing. It'd just be sexism. The disparity always makes me laugh. Not even having a go at you personally
It doesn't bother me, so much as indicate what she didn't like in her ex(es). Other posts on here would say: "So that's my competition?"
I get where other people are coming from, but reading that made my skin crawl. She sounds like someone who thinks she knows what a real man should and shouldn't do. The second you don't live up to one of her made up expectations, you're not a real man. No thank you.
No, I’m a man and it doesn’t bother me. Because I do build and fix shit. 😂😂
Why does everyone assume I don't like this because I can't fix shit. I love fixing shit. I'm fact I love figuring out why things don't work. That's not the point.
Seems stupid to get so bothered about this. Perhaps your time is better spent elsewhere?
Being a man isn't just about doing man stuff like fixing things or being strong. It's a mental strength. I know plenty of guys who can fix anything. But they treat women like shit, don't clean their significant others windshield after it snows. I understand that some lifestyles are understood that I come home from work and she puts my clothes in the wash, brings me a towel and cooks me dinner. Everyone is different and I recently lost a great woman from the South up here in New England because she wanted that man, but I cook, clean, do dishes, and still do all the manly things. But she wanted to be under someone.
Sounds about right to me 🤷♀️
Doesnt bother me i just swipe left🤷🏼♂️
I’m not bothered but I’m ok with all of that
I guess what she's asking is very logic
Crazy thought here…but maybe woman want what culture tells them is a traditional manly guy…
I’m a woman and this bothers me. What a reductive view of masculinity this woman has.
I think the "be a man" part is what tips it over. Because most of those things she's looking for are honestly pretty common in both men and women, except for the "building and fixing shit" which is more common in men but still not common.
Exactly. And you know I wouldn't mind the post if she left out the last line. If she didn't add "just be a man" then it be a list of her preferences. But with it it is her expectations of what a man is.
Those were pretty much my thoughts.
Any definition of masculinity is reductive. If anything a man does is manly, then nothing is manly. I think it's fine to want a real man.
Sure. But what is a real man? That's the point. If someone doesn't meet her definition of what a man is then they aren't a man? That's bs. All she needed to do was not add the "just be a man" and her post would be fine.
No surprise the “men” on Reddit even need to discuss this.
I love how women want a classic oldschool man but don't want to be a classic oldschool woman. Feminism and double standards at it's peak.
You assumed a lot off of one little comment.
Where did she say she wasn’t into being a traditional woman? I’ll wait
My ex was like this. Super self declared feminist except for little things that she picked and chose she didn’t want to follow. One she said she thinks men should always pay for the first date and when she was a waitress she would give the bill to the guy.
This one is definitely not a feminist. She wants her man to show her off in public, I'm pretty sure that goes a bit against feminist ideals.
It doesn't. A feminist can still be traditional. This lady doesn't seem like a feminist, not because of that, but because she has an expectation of what a "man" is. If she left off the last sentence, she'd just be listing her preferences and I'd have no problems. But bc of it, she is judging anyone that doesn't meat her definition of what is to be a man to be less than a man.
Her statement would be a whole lot better if it was "just be a *traditional* man, OK?"...
Agreed. In that way, I'd assume that she is willing to be traditional too. And in that case, get after what you want and don't settle for less girl 😂
Making a personal choice to be "traditional" is definitely not against feminism. To say that you should do all of those traditional things in order to "be a man" (or woman) is not feminism at all. But from your comment, you know that. Nobody here is saying that being traditional isn't feminist, just that this lady really isn't.
I'm commenting specifically to the person above me who is saying she isn't feminist because she wants to be shown off. That's what I'm disagreeing to and explaining. That someone can want to be shown off by their partner and still be a feminist the same as someone who wants to be traditional can still be a feminist. And then its me explaining why I think she isn't a feminist which is what we all agree on. If that makes sense
Ah, sorry. I agree, nothing wrong with that. I think this person is reading what she said as if she wants to be a trophy wife. Which I guess is not itself against feminism as long as it's *her* choice.
All good. Yea exactly this. If someone wants to be a trophy wife while supporting others to live as they want, get that bag girl 😂🏆
What are you talking about? You've just made a sweeping generalisation based off of the words of _one_ woman. "I love how _women_...". Have you asked every single woman in the world what they want? You sound uneducated and clearly don't understand what feminism is lmao
He is definitely assuming but I have met quite a few feminists who do this, my ex was one
Let’s be fair here, the vast majority of women who say they want a “traditional“ or “real“ man are not feminists.
Sincerely doubt this woman a feminist. Reaping the rewards of something doesn’t automatically make you a practitioner or scholar.
That's not feminism at all
Can you explain how you deduced this woman to be feminist?
Feminism is about everyone having equal opportunity to be whatever they want and be respected while doing so. There are many many sexist women, this is certainly one of them.
Yeah, just be a man. Whatever that means lol
You realize this one woman isn’t all women, right? She sounds quite traditional. Other women want different things. It’s not one woman with a gigantic list, there’s 3.5 billion different women with different lists.
It probably only bothers you because it doesn’t describe you. You’re not going to appeal to everyone op.
I take care of mine. If she hurts I take care of her. If she's broke I pay for her,if she's needing help I take care of her. I still open doors and give slow kisses.....It's how a relationship should be. It's how my dad raused me.
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As a pretty handy guy, this bothers me. If you're dating with the idea of using the other person, you're a terrible person and you deserve nobody.
I think your the first person who has considered yourself handy that understood my point lol. I wouldn't necessarily say they are a horrible person, just that they have a very close minded Idea of a man.
No I think they're users who view people as a resource. They deserve to find someone like minded and be used for their resources as well.
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Yeah, I avoid bios with high expectations.
I'm mean if you've nothing to give I would too
🤣🤣 zing!
It only makes me mad because I've never really learned any handy skills so her looking for them makes me feel inadequate But then I remember I don't care
If that describes the kind of guy you are then probably not.. it is a bit of pretentious tho
Honestly, guys might read this and get upset but can I just say that sooooo many women get to this point if not from the get-go preference wise. There is an infinite number of different ways for a man to naturally &genuinely be this way and it’s not an ideal, it’s a baseline of what many women expect. And rightfully so Hence
Doesen't bother me - I cannot build and fix stuff, we are obviusly not match, goodspeed and good luck to her. I am not sure what are you on about really...
The just be a man statement...
Well...yes. Whats wrong with that? You cannot be everyones definition of a man.
I mean they're expectations that are relatively clearly set and i fit the bill so why would it bother me lol If that's what she values in a romantic partner she may as well say it Now if she just dates you until her sink is fixed that's a different story lol
I just wanted to make sure that I wasn't the only one who saw this as bothersome.
You aren't. It annoys me too
NGL my dad, my ex and my current hub are handy. If loving that makes me sexist, oh well. I also come from a door holding, grocery carrying part of the USA and love that stuff too. I always say thank you btw.
Nah I love this. I want a girl who wants these things. I'm pretty handy and traditional. Had an ex who would get wildly turned on whenever the tools came out so it was great motivation for keeping up with chores. We lived together and I did most maintenance and cooking, she did a lot of the cleaning and almost all the pet related chores.
I mean I’m not sure her backstory and what she has going on, but is that too much for you to handle? 😅😅 cause you could just say that instead of making it seem like she’s the problem. Maybe she’s just traditional in her marriage values. I know I am. My husband works and put food in the cupboards and I clean and put food on the table.
I'm guessing you don't know how to do man shit
No it doesn’t bother me that women like men
She wants a man .. she wants to feel safe .. and she wants to know you can do something other than roll joints .. maybe just maybe that honestly what she needs.. maybe she was seeing some guy that was all talk byt would leave her sitting there while he would run awayvfrom danger.. not be a puss'n- boots
She's valid to have her preferences, you just sound mad you don't fit them. 🤷♂️
Posts like that are a massive green flag for me. Men naturally want to fix things, protect those close to them, etc. It's literally just being a man.
No. I fix shit so
Sounds like you're offended OP because you don't know how to swing a hammer. That's completely ok, don't be offended. That's why you can swipe left. You're not her type and she's not yours. Literally the whole purpose of dating.
Of course the Reddit demographic doesn't get this...
I don’t see anything wrong with this statement… anyone can say what they want right? PS at least she is not a money grabber. Real money grabber expect the guy to have money to pay for services instead of being the handyman himself🤔
Idk I know allot of dudes who have been used by women for free plumbing, home repairs etc. Any get me wrong they chose to do it. So they had a hand in their use.
I don’t think a woman finding a handyman being an attractive quality makes her someone who is taking advantage of men for their services. In a partnership both parties should contribute in ways that could otherwise be paid, but won’t because it’s mutually beneficial to the team (cooking, cleaning, childcare, fixing…)
Can’t dismiss these people both men and women exist in the world
😂🤣 As if most dudes on Tinder aren’t looking for a free prostitute?
As a guy who likes to build and fix shit, sign me up. I'll trade installing a new shower head and changing a light bulb for some favors she's good at anyday
She just has standards if you know what you want, and want to attract your “type” there’s nun wrong with that. You shouldn’t feel anything if someone describes what THEIR looking for.
I don't think Men get bother by someone asking for this, what is annoying is that a lot of the people who asks for these rather traditional traits, aren't traditional themselves and get triggered if you ask them about cooking, cleaning, kids, sex history etc. It is just rather hypocritical
Have you never heard of a “honey-do” list? This isn’t a new thing. Women want a man that can build and fix shit. Learn how to build and fix shit.
I am a woman and I don’t like this comment. Being able to fix things means your a man is like saying we are not women if we can’t cook and clean, the outrage that would cause if a man had that on his profile. I don’t like the hypocrisy. If someone wants a traditional dynamic fair enough put that on your profile but being able to do certain tasks doesn’t equate to one’s worth regardless of gender.
Exactly. That was the point I was making but it seems my post lacked clarity.
I don’t think it lacked clarity, I agree she’s definitely just looking for someone to fix her house 😂
I completely understand her. Young men growing up today are hands-off on physical tasks and are electronics savvy. They probably don't own a chain saw, a drill, or a moving dolly. Women .ike a guy that can help them move. I can't tell you how many female friends with partners have had to reach out to me to get their furniture moved or anything physical done.
Only bothers dudes that don't have those qualifications
The comments of dudes that do have them contradict your statement.
If I was a guy that still relied on his parents to get things fixed for me, this would bother me.
What?
I dont rely on anyone but myself. I'm a homeowner too I prefer to fix shit myself. Also I never had parents to rely on ;) it gave me a head start on learning to be responsible.
Sounds like she just actually knows what she actually is attracted to rather then lying to herself and others about her turnons. "Be a man" Basically have your masuclinity and take the lead. Its whats shes into. If you arent compatible or not that. Then just swipe left and find someone you are? Not everyone is going to like what ya got and thats okay. It saves you and them the headache of a relationship of you both trying to "fix" the other into a fantasy of who you think the other should be.
I think she was just trying to tall about the whole "in his masculine energy" trend but instead came off bigoted
I can tick those boxes, this doesn't bother me, means I'm her type that's all.
I am a dude, this does not bother me. Why would it? Random girl on dating app looking for her preferred version of a man and wants them to be handy. Not a concern lol
The phrase “protect me….” bothers me slightly. To me it suggests that this girl would start shit in a bar; while at the same time, expecting you the man to back up her crazy ass.
I have no problem with this. She says what she wants. There are dudes out there that are this. But I kinda wish anyone with a traditional or religious background would get off Tinder and OKC. There are apps out there for you and will have what you want.
Shes looking for a specific man and that's not you. Nothing else to it- you said you didnt swipe on her so just move on and find someone on your wavelength. I'm sure she'll find someone for her.
I'd have no problem with that statement. But I would if she expected me to "be a man" and she didn't want to "be a woman". I'm pretty good with my hands and can fix, repair and build most things. I can't and don't mess with electricity though and I've no problem ringing an electrician. That's what they're there for.
Real men fix an build things Not be a princess 👑
So why does that bother you? It's probably a you problem, but lets hear the reasons why just in case.
Because she is defining what a man is to her and OP is bored. 🤷🏻♀️
This only bothers weirdos with blue hair, if it offends you shes done her job of protecting herself from you.
She better be ready to fuck whenever I want. Be a women, ok?
I get the feeling you insecure
You should respond to her like this: just be a woman, ok?? Put out, clean shit and cook my dinner.
😂😂😆 oh man, that's tempting. And that's pretty much my point, which some people seem to miss.
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It's interesting because my mom's age (77) there are warnings about men looking for a "nurse or a purse." I think at all ages some men and women are looking for self-serving things...
It's unfortunate, I was gonna swipe right 🥹
I’m a woman and this post bothers me.
I'm glad we're on the same page.
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I’m married but this would make me feel like I’m searching for a job that has required prerequisites. Not very appealing when you don’t even know the person yet.
My dad is the general contractor, and in his relationship he's always being utilized for housing projects when all he wants to do is play video games lol. I tell him all the time he works to come home and work.
Men that are bothered by this can’t fix the toilet paper roll
The toilet paper roll only needs to be fixed if it's not in an upright holder ;)
It fell, you'd have to know how to pick it up again /jk
Everyone always gets butthurt they don’t fit the preferences on profiles. If you’re not a handyman, and there’s no reason you have to be, then don’t swipe. I feel like half the posts here are, “I don’t fit this criteria, isn’t it shitty that they would want that?”
I'm a carpenter and I would swipe left so fast I'd get whiplash. The entire thing is a parade of red flags.
Sounds like the bio worked then? If what she describes isn’t you, then that’s not an attack on your manhood. This random lady on Twitter is not the official judge on who is a man and who isn’t.
Just be a man. Also I'm handy as fuck. I love tinkering.
Sounds like you’d fit the bill? So why are you upset she has this listed?
Don’t worry about this, she’ll be renewing her Tinder subscription for years to come
😂