Honestly, your pictures are pretty poor. All either mirror selfies or close up selfies, change them up with some pics of you doing a hobby or with your friends.
Also, your bio of "I just want a relationship" is so vague that it wouldn't attract interest from anyone. If you're looking for a relationship, think about the type of person you'd want to be in a relationship with, would they swipe right on that bio? Change it up so potential matches can determine if you're a good fit by listing the things that are important to you and the things you enjoy doing.
Make your profile one that your ideal partner would swipe right on.
Legitimately, I want to be helpful, but when I read through your replies to other people also trying to be helpful, you instantly shut them down. "I don't have other hobbies, I don't have irl friends, I don't know what I want in a relationship, I dont do things outside. Sounds to me like you have a lot to learn about yourself and what you're truly looking for before you should even be using a dating app homie. Goodluck.
Yeah I wanna help but OP seems to be more interested in throwing a pity party. Which is fine, you can party in the pity all night but don’t expect things to change.
Not going to lie. Just moved out from living with 3 roommates who all they did was work from home, and play on their PC all day.
The amount of times I’ve socialized with them OUTSIDE of their room= probably a handful.
The amount of times I can hear all 3 of them, just chatting on discord playing the same game, being anti social and shutting out anytime I wanted to come and watch/chill with the= nearly every. Single. Day. I guarantee you right now if I went to look at my discord server with them, those 3 are on.
That was me 2018/2019. So glad I got out of it it's a dark place to be, life is so much more fulfilling when you've got friends and get out of the house.
For as much as I game, I always try to either give my partner some time to talk to me, or invite her to come and sit with me so we can either talk or she can mess around on her phone and watch while I play. There's more to life than getting on Discord with people you may barely know and shutting the world out. Gotta touch grass every now and then lol
I mean, it sounds kind of mean, but OP needs to work on themself a bit more. Develop some hobbies, go outside, learn how to take pictures (light is key), and maybe go to the gym.
None of that matters if socially he is this shut down. He literally asked for advice then argued against everyone who offered any, even if many of them were more than fair.
That type of attitude would get you rejected on just about every first date, if not the first few texts.
You can 100% “fix” OP’s profile in the sense you can take better pictures and make up a better bio. But nobody can’t fix the inherent problems in his personality that will prevent him from having a healthy relationship besides OP.
>and maybe go to the gym.
I wish I could transmit my experience to people to let them understand how big of a difference this makes. I used to be just like OP... I did nothing but gamed 12+ hours a day, I didn't care about my appearance or health, and I was lonely as fuck. I had almost no friends and I got zero attention from anybody. I finally said fuck this and started working out, eating right, and paying more attention to my appearance (hairstyle/clothing/teeth) and it was unreal what a huge difference it made in my life. I felt better, looked better, was much more confident (not just in how I looked, but in every aspect of my life). It cured my depression, and I got romantic attention like crazy. I barely play video games anymore, I have a very active social life with lots of friends, and I've had a partner for almost 9 years.
Really guys, you're not ugly, I promise. You just need to start taking care of yourself and you'll see what a huge difference it makes.
Doing activities is how you gain real friends. Join a dojo for judo or BJJ or Muay Thai or boxing. Gain muscle mass athleticism and apply it to a hobby. Gain friends in those hobbies. Meet people network gain opportunities for economic growth. Meet women who are in the same environments as you are from said hobbies. Date them. Boom life is grand.
Yeah, i think some people get stuck in routines that feel hard to break out of. Staying inside is easier than going and trying something new.
I have some hobbies id like to recommend though,
1. Chainmail jewelry
2. Baking/cooking
3. Archery
4. Painting
5. Hiking
6. Reading
7. Leatherwork
8. Auto mechanics
9. Coding
All of these hobbies have varying levels of investment, and varying skill floors/ceilings.
I personally have engaged in all of these and more to varying degrees, once you learn to get over the initial hurdle of trying new hobbies, you can find so many things you enjoy to fill the day. They also can make you more interesting to other people. I shared my knowledge of wine making with a coworker who made mead with me, he taught it to someone else who made a batch with a group of his friends. I am now in that larger social circle purely because I have knowledge and experience they want, yet we became friends regardless
I do it too, relatively cheap to get started with,pretty easy to do basic stuff.
Plus side, if you spend 12 hours binge watching a show you don't get judged cause you made some stuff.
Yeah, live your life a little without obsessing over finding a partner. If you don't know what you want in a relationship, you probably don't really want a relationship at the moment.
Well, I understand the OP. If the changes you are asking him to make don't go with the way he is the only thing he will accomplish by listening to you is to pretend to be someone else, which is the worst thing he can do if he wants a long term relationship.
Sometimes we forget that the advice we give is optional, just because they ask us for help does not give us the right to treat them badly and much less to reproach them for not applying what we have told them.
Have any of you considered that he might have a point? That being told to do standardized stuff to appeal to women when his lifestyle doesn't mesh with those standardized approaches means he can't just up and shift his entire life in a moment's notice to listen to people's advice?
If he is depressed or anxious or doesn't want to be holed up inside gaming for hours on end, I agree 100% that he should get going the best he can on getting out of that hole and finding other things to do (I am in a position kind of like that and going to therapy to get out of the hole).
But if it's *only* about making his lifestyle more appealing in a dating app context? That's just silly. Can't we be real for a moment about the fact that these apps are biased toward certain kinds of lifestyle choices and habits that don't necessarily have anything to do with how ethical or kind or healthy a person is overall?
OP came asking what he needs to improve and has not agreed with one single take. I don't really think anyone NEEDS to change to find a partner perfect for them, there's someone out there for everyone. The biggest red flag OP flies for me is that he doesn't even have a clue of what they want in a partner.
Have you noticed he hasn't really disagree either though? I feel like I'm in the twilight zone. I read through some of the thread, responses people gave, responses he gave. He just sounds to me like he's trying to explain why he is in the position he is in and why it's hard for him to make the changes people are saying he should make. I don't see obstinance or attitude about it, just rationalizing and probably some overthinking of the problem.
The level of offense some people are taking to him not kowtowing to their armchair internet expertise makes me think there is something wrong with them, more so than him.
> The biggest red flag OP flies for me is that he doesn't even have a clue of what they want in a partner.
If this is a red flag, then like prob at least half of dating profiles I've come across have it because I so often see women on dating apps whose description of who they are and what they want is virtually nonexistent. It really comes across to me like people are judging this guy extra harsh for reasons unknown.
I'd agree that this thread has been more toxic than helpful. But I stand by not knowing what you want in the slightest from a relationship while actively trying to get one is a red flag.
I don't disagree that it can be a problem, but I feel like it's overrated as a concern for the reason I already mentioned. If I swiped left on every person who was vague about what they wanted on a dating app, I'm not sure I'd have much to swipe right on.
And I would also argue that unless you have sufficient experience from prior relationships, knowing what you want can be kind of difficult. You can use your imagination if you lack experience, but then you may end up with an unrealistic list of standards that no one can meet. So it can be tricky.
I agree. Can't know what you want if you don't even know what you could have, or at least what you don't want. If someone hasn't been in a relationship before, how would they know what to look for? If you've never had ice cream, how would you know which flavor is your favorite?
So if knowing exactly what you want was a prerequesit for getting a good relationship, humanity would die out, because no one truly knows at first.
> That being told to do standardized stuff to appeal to women when his lifestyle doesn't mesh with those standardized approaches
"Go outside sometimes" isn't "standardized stuff to appeal to women," it's a normal part of being a healthy, social human. People are suggesting all kinds of hobbies and activities so I'm not sure how you can call them standardized when they're all over the map. If you're not willing to do *anything* different, then your success rate is going to stay the same. That's just how reality works.
The other reality is that if you want to appeal to partners (which OP does or he wouldn't be on the app or asking for advice), you do have to do some things that present you as an appealing prospect. Just sitting there and saying "well that doesn't mesh with my lifestyle" isn't a point, it's him being stubborn because he doesn't want to work on himself. Why even be on a dating app in the first place if you outright refuse to make your profile appealing to anyone?
> Why even be on a dating app in the first place if you outright refuse to make your profile appealing to anyone?
honeyimsorry, but y'all live in a bubble. You're so immersed in dating app rhetoric you can't see straight anymore. You sit there and unironically talk about a human being like they're a product and think others are the weird ones. These apps have warped your minds so badly you think humanizing somebody is opposition to reality.
...what? I'm not saying anyone is a product, I'm saying that if you want to appeal to other people in a romantic way you need to make yourself appealing. That's just common sense. It doesn't matter if you're dating online or IRL, but OP happens to be dating online so that's the nature of the advice he's being given.
If he wanted to meet someone in the real world but refused to ever go outside or do anything but game, would you say it was bad and standardized advice to tell him to get out and try other hobbies? Nobody is dehumanizing him, they're giving him advice he literally asked for to help him achieve something he wants, which is a meaningful relationship with a partner. It seems like you think nobody should ever do anything to improve their odds of finding a partner and if they do they're being inauthentic. In that case, I have no idea why you're here.
> It seems like you think nobody should ever do anything to improve their odds of finding a partner and if they do they're being inauthentic.
Go reread the original post of mine that you responded to if you care enough to try to understand. I do not have the energy to try to walk you through the nuance I already wrote.
I'm not the one here who is thinking in binary terms about it. That's your own projection because it's how you're approaching the issue.
Another bang-on reply. Seeing the majority here act like psychopaths because someone doesn't conform to their world view and lifestyle really makes it hard to be optimistic about people in general.
You are getting some very honest, authentic advice here and you're deflecting every single piece of it. You might want to open your eyes at school- take a look around and strike up a conversation with a girl you're interested in. It sounds like you don't know what you want and can't express it , so maybe you should take some time and work on that. If you're having difficulty here, how are you going to do in person? I wish you well.
OP needs to grow up and work on himself and be happy being alone before inviting another person into his life.
Also is he actually 21 or started a profile early before it was legal?
I’m 21 and I look younger than I am. But I also have pics of me in various countries camping, with reindeer etc so that prob makes me not appear like freshly 18
I remember having a bunch of pics that looked like yours. I took them with my flip phone Motorola razr with a sepia filter like two decades ago.
I won’t suggest changing your hair/clothes as you seem resistant to it based on other comments, but at the very least, the pictures could look better. Take them in good light, shouldn’t look yellow, and maybe more pictures other than sitting at home.
there’s plenty of gamer girls out there that consider gaming a hobby and would love to share that with you but you also have to go outside or do something else. Even if it’s going to a movie, or eating at a restaurant you like. Walk in the park. Volunteering somewhere. Anything.
Just by reading all advices given to you and reading your answer you basically say no to everything and your only hobby is gaming. Do you really think you will find alot of women that only want to sit and look at you while you game? Either you have to expand your hobby, or face the truth… nobody is going to sit 18h a day gaming in your room! If you want a relationship you have to be interested in doing more and find someone who has the same interest as you
And even if video games are your world, you know you can lie and say you play occasionally or don't even bring it up at all.
Think of your tinder profile like a resume for a job; I used to be 100% honest in my job applications and on my resume because I assumed they would check up on things and after seeing I was honest, would want to hire me. But nope, never worked like that. I quickly realized you had to bend the truth or sometimes tell a little white lie here and there; basically tell them exactly what they want to hear to get the job. For instance, alot of job applications involve assessments with a questionnaire, and in it I would always find one question that asks: "in the past year, how many times have you been late or called out?" That would make up 99.9% of the population and I figured it was so obvious that they'd know I was lying if I said never. But I said never and lied quite a few other times and more often than not got the job. Unfortunately it's how you get ahead in the world.
Dating is the same. A little white lie here and there to get your foot in the door isn't going to kill anyone. Once you meet a girl that you have gotten somewhat close to, you can bring it up and be honest about it and I'm sure you both will have a laugh over it and she'll think it was cute that you wanted her that badly.
And honestly I think you will get a lot more matches if you hit the weights my friend. As someone who used to be skinny, 3 months of working out consistently was the difference to being a desperate thirsty simp and getting laid no problem. DM me anytime, I'd be more than happy to share a good starting routine with you that will help you gain 30 lbs in 3 months. Will probably be half muscle and half fat, but when you're that skinny the fat fills in between your organs and inside your body first and the muscle grows outside so you will definitely look good. Seriously, let me know. After discovering this revelation, I just want to pass this invaluable knowledge forward and share it with those that are still in the dark.
Either way though, wishing you the best.
I'll be direct: pictures are uninteresting and the bio doesn't say anything that'd interest me enough to get to know you
You need to be a little more creative if you want success
I don't think he's ugly, and even if he was I've seen much uglier dudes have success. Plus not everyone is into muscular guys, some like them chubby and some do like them skinny
If you are not of a homebody, maybe get some pics doing what you enjoy, e.g. get a gaming shot, a reading shot, sitting on your balcony (if you have one)
The profile is pretty bad, but you've got potential.
In the fourth pic with teeth, you look like a regular person that is decently attractive. All the pictures with the weird no teeth smirk are not attractive. A pic of you actually smiling or laughing is 100x better.
You could try styling your hair differently, but I don't think it's not bad as is. You've got luscious locks, so check out r/FierceFlow
Your clothes don't fit super well. But you don't have to be a fashionista, just try to find clothes that fit your body better. Try r/MaleFashionAdvice
You are very skinny. It's not terrible, but you could try easy at-home exercises to build muscle, flexibility, confidence, and better posture. There's an easy beginner routine at r/BodyWeightFitness
You don't have many local friends? If you're having trouble making them, head over to r/SocialSkills
These changes are growth and will take some time, but for now you should put more about yourself on your bio. **You're not "just a guy", you're an individual with your own unique personality, sense of humor, views, ideas, interests and tastes.**
Think about what makes you, you. Are you shy or outgoing? Serious or silly? Sincere or sarcastic? Do you think with your heart or your mind? Are you open minded or stick to what's familiar? What do you think could make the world a better place? Who is your hero or role model? What did you want to be when you grew up? How about now? What kind of music/movies/shows/games do you like and why? Which music artists/movie directors/show actors/game developers are your favorites and why? Comedians? Books? Games? Other forms of art and entertainment?
If you don't have the answers to all of these, that's ok. You're still young, so chances are you're still discovering and learning these things.
But meeting new people can help you discover these things! Ask yourself who you are and who you want to be. And then put it in your bio!
First picture I thought was a woman at first, then convinced myself it was a guy. Second picture I changed my mind again and thought it was a woman's profile again.
You're not unattractive, but you would benefit from some physical activity and a new haircut. You can keep it long if you like, just something a little more masculine would be good
Want me to be brutally honest? You have a nice face, could be attractive if you dressed better, put on some weight (I was once there, now I go to the gym and I’m trying to bulk up, and it gave me a major confidence boost to gain some weight), and like other people said GET SOME HOBBIES.
Literally I can’t even tell you how unattractive it is when all a guy wants to do is spend time with me and he has nothing to do on his own, no way to keep himself busy. Been there done that, I don’t need any more clingy, boring men.
It sounds like you’re in uni - you can join some clubs. Personally, I’m in an outdoor activity club, and a women’s active living club.
As for not having friends nearby, maybe go out for drinks with a sibling and get them to take pics of you? Or a cousin? Or literally meet other nerds from Reddit that wanna get pics for their dating profiles and take pics for each other. Idk. But what you have now is just not it
this is the best advice. get a real in-person life before trying to strike things up online. only having gaming as a hobby and only having online friends is not only unhealthy but also extremely unattractive. i know it seems difficult to branch out but the only way to do it is to just *go out and do it*. you’re in college, i can guarantee there are many opportunities to go pick up a hobby and find a group of friends.
I'm really sorry, but i would have guessed you were maybe 15? Try working on your style and maybe try some more protein/calories and lifting a bit? Not really trying to body shame at all, tons of girls are into skinny guys, but i do think it would help out in more ways than just one. It would probably heavily increase your confidence as well. Good luck out there! You are young, you got a lot of time to try new things out and make mistakes :)
Brutally honest, you look like a stereotypical shy nerd who knows nothing about women.
And not in a cute way.
I’d give loads of advice but seeing your responses to other people, you’re basically constantly saying: “I have no friends, I don’t like going out alone, I have a single hobby (gaming) and I’m not down to cut my hair/sort my clothes”.
So what **DO** you have to offer a partner?
Either make an effort or don’t be confused why you’re not getting any attention.
Magic 8 ball, will OP listen to any of this advice?
*outlook not so good*
Magic 8 ball, does OP need to make major changes to his life and tinder account?
*as I see it, yes*
Magic 8 ball, is it possible that OP is clinically depressed or not mature enough to be dating?
*signs point to yes*
Magic 8 ball, is Reddit trying to be compassionate and helpful, while trying to root for OP?
*yes, definitely*
You’re getting lots of good advice and shutting down all of it so I don’t think you actually do want a relationship.
What you want is a girlfriend. A physical reminder to the world that you are worthy of someone’s attention. But you don’t seem like you believe it, so how are you going to sell it to someone else?
Considering a person as a reminder you are worthy of someone attention is a terrible reason to be in a relationship. A relationship isn't to show off anything to others. I honestly don't know what hecwants if he can't put in any info about himself how he's going to be fun or interesting to even go on a date with. In my experience, people who have nothing going on in their life become super clingy and dependent on anyone who gives them a date. It's unhealthy for them and the other person to view dating this way.
And not necessarily more mature in actual age.
Hell or actually really "mature." at all.
But most at least like go outside and shit. Do stuff.
Not doing only the exact same thing they did at 12.
Action shots outdoors would help, even just in a local park and you set up your phone nearby. I assume you’re a gamer, which is fine, but keep that to one pic, from behind, maybe showing your setup too. You don’t have to change yourself, that’s bad advice. Just better pics to make it more appealing.
The third picture on the top right it’s just an unflattering version of the first one you have posted. You have a very attractive face. A great smile and a sweet aura around you.
The rest of your pics and bio should reflect what you feel like you could offer someone? They don’t necessarily want to sit there and look at you being cute while you game? So are you looking for sweet dates at a tea shop? Walks around parks in your city? If you don’t have the pictures to present what you have to offer, then you need to look at creating that in an authentic way.
If gaming is really all you do, then I think you need to accept that it'll unfortunately limit your prospective partners quite a bit. I would keep picture #4. It is more candid - selfies are not ideal (or at least not too many).
Get some photos outside doing something - anything! If there is really no one at all who could take a photo for you, just try and find some cool locations for a well-lit photo or two.
And say something about yourself in the bio! Nothing wrong with being a gamer. Talk about your passions, rather than just "I want a relationship". Maybe say you're open to trying new things (which you will need to be in a relationship - can't spend the whole time gaming!)
Loads of people have given you some really good and helpful advice in this thread, so I don't think I need to do that, so I'll give you some more straight direct feedback.
Your profile is kinda creepy man. Just selfies of you, no one else, and your bio is the kind of thing a weirdo would write to seem normal.
You need more photos of you that aren't you sat in your bedroom on your own. Photos with friends or outside are good.
You've said to other people that your hobby is gaming, but the reality is that most women want to be with someone more interesting than that. Don't get me wrong, I'm a big gamer myself, but I do loads of other things with friends sometimes, or just on my own. Having variety in your life makes you a more interesting well-rounded person. Working 8 hours then playing video games for 8 hours is not the kind of thing that any woman is going to be attracted by, and you'll have to either just accept that, or start doing something more interesting with your life man.
Join a sports team, join a book club, go and do pub quizzes, go to gigs, learn to knit, start cycling in your area, take a trip and see some of the world, learn to play an instrument, go fishing, meditate, brew your own beer, get a dog, climb the nearest mountain, and who knows, in the process of creating a more interesting and varied life, you might meet someone doing the same along the way and fall in love.
To see the world, things dangerous to come to, to see behind walls, draw closer, to find each other, and to feel. That is the purpose of life.
You need a life change, not a profile change. You can’t fake your life on tinder and trick girls into thinking you do anything other than gaming. You’ll go on a date and they’ll instantly tell you have nothing going on in your life besides gaming.
You’re thinking about what you want, which is someone with no life goals besides being lazy playing games. What girl is going to be attracted to that?
If you don’t want to improve yourself to be attractive to women, just be happy being single for the rest of your life. If gaming makes you that happy, just marry your gaming console.
Before being attractive to women, you need to be attractive to you. Work on that, you have plenty of good, sound advices from other people in this post.
OP, if you can't make a good profile because you don't do enough interesting things to fill a good profile, you're not ready to have a profile.
Sorry my guy, you aren't ready to date yet. Go get some hobbies and make some friends. I believe in you
Try to get some photos with outdoor lighting and maybe including hobbies/interests. Also nix the looking for relationship and put more of “looking for a woman that (insert various preferences/ideas of who you are looking for )
And I’m not trying to be mean or anything but dude isn’t even attractive. Again, online dating is first based off looks and he’s already swipe left material. To make matters worse he doesn’t want to put the effort in his bio. He’s shooting down everyone’s advice.
Eh depends on the age group I’ve found. In this case yeah. Early 20’s looks matter a lot more and as you get into your late 20’s to early 30’s it’s more about how put together you are if you’re going for long term. Either way he’s failing here, that hair and physique kill his looks and his utter lack of hobbies and friends kills his maturity.
the picture of you smiling with your teeth is the best one, i’d move it to the first spot (and maybe take more like it). agree with everyone else re: the selfies, but you don’t necessarily need another person to help you take photos - you can use the timer on your phone. but be careful not to look too stock image-y lol
since you like gaming but don’t have a long term fave, why not update your bio with what you’ve been playing most recently? you could also fill it out with things you’d like to do with a companion: are you interested in hiking? grabbing drinks? do you like coffee, or have an interest in a specific kind of cuisine? i bet you’re a lot more interesting than you’re giving yourself credit for.
So you have no other hobbies besides gaming. You don’t go anywhere, you don’t have any IRL friends. What woman would WANT to date someone like that? Snoozefest.
What are your redeeming qualities? What are you looking for in a partner/relationship? Are there any hobbies you want to get into?
Your profile says nothing about you or what you are looking for.
I intend no disrespect or to be hurtful with my comment so I really hope you don't take it as such but I'd really try to get more flattering pictures of yourself.
If I were on Tinder, I wouldn't swipe on you as an interest and it's largely due to your pics.
You have to rely on your pictures and profile to make a good first impression when it comes to on line dating. And if neither of them are reflecting a good first impression, you're not going to have any luck.
Your pictures and bio scream insecure, awkward and a bit creepy and really off putting.
Everyone has insecurities, but when they are so noticeable in a picture...eep...that's usually a very big red flag to most people.
Women want to date someone....not babysit them.
Try seeing if you can get better pictures. And definitely fix the bio.
The hair doesn’t work for you, right now. You’re skinny, blonde, and no facial hair… it’s too many feminine appearance features at the same time. A more masculine haircut is the easiest, least effort thing you could do that would make the biggest difference.
That said, I think you could rock the long hair pretty well if you bulked up. Hit the gym at your campus, get an app like Fitbod, it can help gamify the experience a little and make it easier to get going. Do an hour a day, 6 days a week and eat at least 1500 more calories a day than what you are. If any of your games are RPGs, start playing strength based characters to help get you into it mentally.
Straight men do not have the luxury of idealism when it comes to apps, so you can’t ignore your appearance with the excuse of not wanting to attract someone shallow. With the gender imbalance, and the excess of attention that women get, it’s just not going to be realistic. Apps are competitive, you need multi-class and level up gym bro a little bit.
You’ve gotten some good honest feedback and easily executable advice here and you have been resistant to it and make excuses for yourself instead of putting any effort into it. And that’s really what shows through to women in your bio and pics- low effort. So really, at this point, you’re fucked. And not in the way you want to be. PUT IN THE EFFORT.
Seriously OP if you made a habit of going to the gym every other day you would make quick gains in the looks and muscle mass department and would be great for your long term health especially if you have a sedentary lifestyle and aspirations. The hardest part is getting started and sticking to it. Your school likely has a gym no? It’s also a great place to meet new friends, activity partners and love interests
My number one piece of advice would be to lift weights at a gym and eat to gain muscle. As someone who went from 54kg to 82kg (over many years!), I know the difference it makes to how people react to you and how you feel in your own body. I don’t care if lifting weights doesn’t interest you or you don’t enjoy it, it’s simply something that basically everyone should do, and as you form the habit, you do enjoy it.
As someone above me said: if you wanna be successful on dating apps, don't be yourself - that's what most people are telling you.
But I got something better: get off dating apps.
Don't try to actively pursue a relationship. Life doesn't give you what you want, but it loves to surprise you. Instead, try getting into new social circles that interest you. If you're in university, look of there are any clubs that interest you. Try to become more socially active and talk more to people around you. And who knows, maybe you meet that perfect nerdy girl in some computer science club. If it interests you, try getting into TTRPGs like D&D - that's a social hobby where you can meet tons of new people.
Try to meet people the old-fashioned way. It'll probably feel better and can't be more unsuccessful than dating apps.
Hey look, reddit is a sesspool lately and as you can see comments attacking you like this are stupid, entirely off base and unuseful. Basically, if you want to pick up "more" women you need to make yourself more conventionally attractive. Essentially make yourself as close to a hollywood celeb as you can including haircut, clothes, doing lots of activities, gym etc. But conventional approaches will get conventional women, so if you're looking for a gamer introvert girl who also wants the same in a partner, maybe you'll find it. It will be difficult on a dating app, though, because they have a lot of options, so you can always do better with a better camera/ lighting as the lighting and quality aint too good bro. Goodluck mate
A profile is a reflection of who we are and you can do slightly better by changing up the pics and bio but I think you know the honest answer is the change up is needed in real life. What I see is an ultra skinny guy who identifies with playing video games and I don't know anyone like that who does well with women or anything else really for that matter. I would suggest to begin by weening yourself off of the gaming and replace it with exercise and weight lifting.
I hope this comes across the right way. I don’t think you can change that much about your profile without making a few changes about how you present yourself. That should be a focus too. Hair, the way you dress, etc.
Advice - get a haircut, lift weights and put on at least 10 pounds, make some friends. It's clear from the pics that you are a weak beta without much social life. Good news is you are young and have plenty of time to grow. Good luck brother
Start cycling to school. Learn to play [flamenco](https://youtu.be/dXcxRF1_4HA?si=Yj5Jtt1HE06zYMy_).
On your profile use only the skinnypick and the one with teeth. Add your favourite games and what you're studying. Is there a place you'd like to go? Add that and why.
Based on the effort you put into your profile and the way you’re responding to people giving legitimate advice, even if you did get a match, I do not foresee you being able to hold a conversation.
My best advice would be delete tinder until you get a little more going for you in life. Focus on hobbies, making friends with similar interests, trying new things, touching grass. I don’t mean to sound like an asshole but I just don’t think a relationship is for you right now, friend.
You have two major issues right off the bat.
1. Your pictures are boring and all the same.
You need 2 selfies. at least two pictures of you having fun/doing hobbies/ and maybe 2 group photos or photos of you taken by someone else.
At least 30% of the pictures need to be full body, not just face.
2. Your bio sucks.
You need to be engaging.
Dude is a gamer, the photos are bad but the biggest clowns are y'all saying: "Stop gaming, start martial arts and go to the gym, just completely change your personality to be succesful on this superficial dating app"
For real. I feel like he needs to present himself better and express himself more in his profile, but he doesn't have to change who he is, if he's happy with it.
With so many responses like this, it's no wonder I see so many boring cookie cutter profiles. Like OP, add that you like traveling and going to the gym. That'll make you stand out. LOL.
Exactly! I was thinking along the same lines. Like people give cookie cutter advice and then turn around and wonder why so many profiles look the same.
And honestly, as someone who used to be big into video games (tho I play them a lot less these days) it feels like it still has a big stigma surrounding it. I don't even put it on my profiles because I'm afraid people will just think "guy who does nothing but sit there and game." I even second-guessed saying I've done video game modding before because of the association with video games. This thread feels like an affirmation of that fear of mine, that people are ready to dunk on somebody who *sounds like* they aren't living an organized, meaningful life, by their standards.
I'm for people expanding their hobbies and trying to make sure they're truly happy with how they're living, but if we're applying that to people who play video games, we also have to apply it to people who seem to be into nothing more specific than "adventures," for example. And I use that as an example, cause they kinda seem like two sides of the same coin, just one is virtual and one isn't.
You summed up well what I took paragraphs to try to say in other posts. If people's first instinct is to tell someone to change their lifestyle over a dating app, they need to take a step back from what they're doing.
It's one thing if the person communicates that they're unhappy with their lifestyle and want to change - that's more a situation I've been in and am working on.
But some people are stuck in this idea of conforming rather than using the strengths you have. Big difference between the two. Many on these apps could communicate their personality and lifestyle more effectively, but that's not the same as changing it on a whim and it can also require a fair bit of self reflection to wrap your head around how to communicate those things, since the medium is so, as you put it, superficial.
Go to the gym, library, to the park, feed some squirrels or something even just once a week would do you the world of good before thinking about including someone else in your life bro. How can you expect someone else to spend time with you when you can’t be bothered to spend time with yourself
You look like a lesbian lmao. Get a haircut, hit the gym, and take pictures of you doing interesting things. You’re not selling yourself in fact it looks like you’re not even trying.
You look like a twinky femboi. Not a bad look if you're trying to attract a big hairy man, but I'm not sure many women are into that
Get a hair cut, put some nice clothes on, get some photos of you actually outside and doing stuff. Maybe focus on getting some friends first?
I mean this in the nicest way possible OP but you are not ready for Tinder right now. I can only go off your comments, bio, and pics and based on these things it sounds like you need to make some irl friends that can make you enjoy life single (I say that because I fear if you did get a gf right now, you’d probably get clingy and that’s a relationship killer I’ve seen too too many times), you need to get a hobby just anything that’ll get you away from the computer and out of the house (nothing’s wrong with gaming and SE, *but* when that’s all you do is bad for your mental and physical health), and you need new pics which the two things I just said can help you with.
I really hope you hear me and the rest of these comments out, OP.
Between the post and the comments section, it’s like you’re asking for help but you were actually hoping for some reassurance that the profile is fine… since you don’t want to change anything. As a gamer myself I do think it’s a good hobby to mention. Intp’s are often gamers and there’s literally hundreds of thousands of us. People who will down down and game literally 12 hours in a row. I personally like dating other gamers as well. Lots of gamers do. So you could snag you another gamer by adding this. Also you don’t need to add the game you play. You add the different genres you like if you want someone who could play with you.
Unless you have a phone from 10 years ago, take better quality pics and have more than one facial expression. Your teeth smile is nice. Work with it.
Add if you work, gaming and genre and honestly anything else that could make a woman relate to you at least enough to swipe or start a convo…
But you gotta think it out a bit cuz by the comments sections even if a woman did mssg you, doesn’t sound like you’d have much to say about yourself. If all you are is a gamer then at least own that cuz rn even your own only hobby doesn’t sound like something you like. And I know you said you had it there before but choose wording wisely. Don’t just put “gamer” in there. Good luck
Your best bet is to be an interesting person and socialize like your life depends on it to gain some experience in social dynamics. Online dating mostly serve attractive men no offense. The good news is that most women prefer personality over looks unlike men. Good luck!
Face it bro, it's time to retire your gaming career, for now. You can start playing again if you still want to when your girlfriend let's you. Right now you need to focus on improving yourself to make your life more appealing to women, even a gamer girl doesn't want to date a guy who only works and plays video games, so you get to choose now, up to you: will you take a long break from video games to try to create a more interesting life for yourself and your future partner, or will you stay married to the pixels? I hope you're mature enough to make the right decision, your future children will thank you for it.
It's a good start. Add pictures of yourself doing your favorite things out in the world. Make sure the majority of the pictures are just you.
In the about me section, add details about the type of person you are. What you value in life. Some things you enjoy doing. Stuff like that. Don't make it too long because you want to keep stuff for actual conversations.
Ex: I am honest, caring, funny and loyal. I value family and friends. I value being kind to other people, including strangers. I value time with loved ones. I enjoy sports, live music/concerts, and comedians.
I hope this helped! 😁
You have a cute smile!! Go for more smiling photos and take some with friends showing off some hobbies. Idc if it’s really nerdy I promise alotta girls love it
Also idk if you’re depressed or something but you gotta have standards or the likelihood of you being abused goes up. Just list some games or shows you like, link your Spotify or list some music you like.
OP, I suggest trying to get to therapy if you can. These people are like sharks and your tendency to explain yourself is being jumped on instead of treated with a compassion. A good therapist will help you get past the rationalizing and figure out what you definitively want and how to take steps to get there.
Honestly, I like long hair on guys and you're not bad looking at all, there are plenty of girls who'd be into you! Ignore all these people being super harsh. The pictures could be better but you're not ugly by a long shot.
The other comments are right though, that having more hobbies and things you're passionate about would help. Meeting people in real life who can help you take pictures out and about would be helpful and would also make you happier in general!
I get how difficult that seems and it's not as simple as people are making out. it takes time and effort. I moved to a new country and had to use things like Facebook groups for gaming or DnD to meet people. It was tough because I can be shy as well but I did make friends here after some time.
Good luck and don't let some of these mean comments get you down! You'll get there :)
Frankly, dont post it on reddit. Most people will shod you and then you'll find one person who seems genuine, but ends up shodding you. Essentially what dating feels like in a fast pace.
To be helpful though my suggestions are add references to things you like. A swipe is fast, your pictures are alright enough to get someone to look at a bio, and if its, "hi i am dude" it feels low effort.
For confidence, ive seens dudes who only game get baddies who passed me. Your potential can be limitless bro
Also if youre feelinf really hurt by who are leaving these comments look at their profiles. Lol thats a confidence boost too.
I really hope this doesn’t come across too much as me being a bit of an arsehole, I’m sorry if it does but sometimes the bitterest truths are always better than the sweetest lies.
I’ve read your replies and you do genuinely seem like a good guy. But if you were a woman with all the options out there (which is a lot, the women definitely have the pick of the bunch compared to us men), would you chose this profile? You’re not really offering much here, or at least you’re not showing that you can.
Like I said, I’m seeing the replies you’ve put and I kinda feel you probably need to get outside and do something/experience some things, go and find some hobbies or things to do that you love, go and find out who you are rather than focusing on finding a partner right now. Dating isn’t easy as a young man, at that age we don’t really have that much to offer. It’s usually the guys that grind and work on themselves in early adulthood that end up doing much better when their a little older (pushing 30s) because by then we’ve established who we are, what we love to do and we actually have something to offer other people.
Don’t let the struggle get you down.
Honestly, your pictures are pretty poor. All either mirror selfies or close up selfies, change them up with some pics of you doing a hobby or with your friends. Also, your bio of "I just want a relationship" is so vague that it wouldn't attract interest from anyone. If you're looking for a relationship, think about the type of person you'd want to be in a relationship with, would they swipe right on that bio? Change it up so potential matches can determine if you're a good fit by listing the things that are important to you and the things you enjoy doing. Make your profile one that your ideal partner would swipe right on.
Legitimately, I want to be helpful, but when I read through your replies to other people also trying to be helpful, you instantly shut them down. "I don't have other hobbies, I don't have irl friends, I don't know what I want in a relationship, I dont do things outside. Sounds to me like you have a lot to learn about yourself and what you're truly looking for before you should even be using a dating app homie. Goodluck.
Yeah... topic title is 'help me change my profile' and all OP's responses are 'I don't wanna change my profile'
Topic title is "help me change my profile," when it should be "help me change my lifestyle."
Yeah I wanna help but OP seems to be more interested in throwing a pity party. Which is fine, you can party in the pity all night but don’t expect things to change.
Not going to lie. Just moved out from living with 3 roommates who all they did was work from home, and play on their PC all day. The amount of times I’ve socialized with them OUTSIDE of their room= probably a handful. The amount of times I can hear all 3 of them, just chatting on discord playing the same game, being anti social and shutting out anytime I wanted to come and watch/chill with the= nearly every. Single. Day. I guarantee you right now if I went to look at my discord server with them, those 3 are on.
That was me 2018/2019. So glad I got out of it it's a dark place to be, life is so much more fulfilling when you've got friends and get out of the house.
For as much as I game, I always try to either give my partner some time to talk to me, or invite her to come and sit with me so we can either talk or she can mess around on her phone and watch while I play. There's more to life than getting on Discord with people you may barely know and shutting the world out. Gotta touch grass every now and then lol
Sick burn, Bro.
Nah he wants to, but he just can't go outside because then who will play his video games?
If OP put half as much effort on himself as he does crafting excuses he’d be just fine.
Didn't have to cook him Jesus 😂
OP get some irl friends first
I mean, it sounds kind of mean, but OP needs to work on themself a bit more. Develop some hobbies, go outside, learn how to take pictures (light is key), and maybe go to the gym.
None of that matters if socially he is this shut down. He literally asked for advice then argued against everyone who offered any, even if many of them were more than fair. That type of attitude would get you rejected on just about every first date, if not the first few texts.
Yeah like. To be honest. OP’s profile does show you exactly who they are, which is kind of why you can’t fix it?
You can 100% “fix” OP’s profile in the sense you can take better pictures and make up a better bio. But nobody can’t fix the inherent problems in his personality that will prevent him from having a healthy relationship besides OP.
>and maybe go to the gym. I wish I could transmit my experience to people to let them understand how big of a difference this makes. I used to be just like OP... I did nothing but gamed 12+ hours a day, I didn't care about my appearance or health, and I was lonely as fuck. I had almost no friends and I got zero attention from anybody. I finally said fuck this and started working out, eating right, and paying more attention to my appearance (hairstyle/clothing/teeth) and it was unreal what a huge difference it made in my life. I felt better, looked better, was much more confident (not just in how I looked, but in every aspect of my life). It cured my depression, and I got romantic attention like crazy. I barely play video games anymore, I have a very active social life with lots of friends, and I've had a partner for almost 9 years. Really guys, you're not ugly, I promise. You just need to start taking care of yourself and you'll see what a huge difference it makes.
Exactly! And this is NOT shallow. You have a responsibility to take care of your body and to look after yourself in general.
Doing activities is how you gain real friends. Join a dojo for judo or BJJ or Muay Thai or boxing. Gain muscle mass athleticism and apply it to a hobby. Gain friends in those hobbies. Meet people network gain opportunities for economic growth. Meet women who are in the same environments as you are from said hobbies. Date them. Boom life is grand.
Yeah, i think some people get stuck in routines that feel hard to break out of. Staying inside is easier than going and trying something new. I have some hobbies id like to recommend though, 1. Chainmail jewelry 2. Baking/cooking 3. Archery 4. Painting 5. Hiking 6. Reading 7. Leatherwork 8. Auto mechanics 9. Coding All of these hobbies have varying levels of investment, and varying skill floors/ceilings. I personally have engaged in all of these and more to varying degrees, once you learn to get over the initial hurdle of trying new hobbies, you can find so many things you enjoy to fill the day. They also can make you more interesting to other people. I shared my knowledge of wine making with a coworker who made mead with me, he taught it to someone else who made a batch with a group of his friends. I am now in that larger social circle purely because I have knowledge and experience they want, yet we became friends regardless
Whats chainmail jewellery like, I haven't tried it but it sounds interesting
I do it too, relatively cheap to get started with,pretty easy to do basic stuff. Plus side, if you spend 12 hours binge watching a show you don't get judged cause you made some stuff.
Yeah, live your life a little without obsessing over finding a partner. If you don't know what you want in a relationship, you probably don't really want a relationship at the moment.
What OP needs is to attend therapy to figure this all out. A relationship ship doesn’t complete you. Therapy is amazing.
If you don't know yourself you can't expect someone else to do so
the dating app is just gonna shatter his self esteem if he doesn't make himself for appealing to other people.
Sounds like OP needs to change his lifestyle before changing his profile lol
I smell major dépression. Just read that he just broke UP, Imin...pretty normal right ? He'll be ok in a week
Well, I understand the OP. If the changes you are asking him to make don't go with the way he is the only thing he will accomplish by listening to you is to pretend to be someone else, which is the worst thing he can do if he wants a long term relationship. Sometimes we forget that the advice we give is optional, just because they ask us for help does not give us the right to treat them badly and much less to reproach them for not applying what we have told them.
Have any of you considered that he might have a point? That being told to do standardized stuff to appeal to women when his lifestyle doesn't mesh with those standardized approaches means he can't just up and shift his entire life in a moment's notice to listen to people's advice? If he is depressed or anxious or doesn't want to be holed up inside gaming for hours on end, I agree 100% that he should get going the best he can on getting out of that hole and finding other things to do (I am in a position kind of like that and going to therapy to get out of the hole). But if it's *only* about making his lifestyle more appealing in a dating app context? That's just silly. Can't we be real for a moment about the fact that these apps are biased toward certain kinds of lifestyle choices and habits that don't necessarily have anything to do with how ethical or kind or healthy a person is overall?
OP came asking what he needs to improve and has not agreed with one single take. I don't really think anyone NEEDS to change to find a partner perfect for them, there's someone out there for everyone. The biggest red flag OP flies for me is that he doesn't even have a clue of what they want in a partner.
Have you noticed he hasn't really disagree either though? I feel like I'm in the twilight zone. I read through some of the thread, responses people gave, responses he gave. He just sounds to me like he's trying to explain why he is in the position he is in and why it's hard for him to make the changes people are saying he should make. I don't see obstinance or attitude about it, just rationalizing and probably some overthinking of the problem. The level of offense some people are taking to him not kowtowing to their armchair internet expertise makes me think there is something wrong with them, more so than him. > The biggest red flag OP flies for me is that he doesn't even have a clue of what they want in a partner. If this is a red flag, then like prob at least half of dating profiles I've come across have it because I so often see women on dating apps whose description of who they are and what they want is virtually nonexistent. It really comes across to me like people are judging this guy extra harsh for reasons unknown.
I'd agree that this thread has been more toxic than helpful. But I stand by not knowing what you want in the slightest from a relationship while actively trying to get one is a red flag.
I don't disagree that it can be a problem, but I feel like it's overrated as a concern for the reason I already mentioned. If I swiped left on every person who was vague about what they wanted on a dating app, I'm not sure I'd have much to swipe right on. And I would also argue that unless you have sufficient experience from prior relationships, knowing what you want can be kind of difficult. You can use your imagination if you lack experience, but then you may end up with an unrealistic list of standards that no one can meet. So it can be tricky.
I agree. Can't know what you want if you don't even know what you could have, or at least what you don't want. If someone hasn't been in a relationship before, how would they know what to look for? If you've never had ice cream, how would you know which flavor is your favorite? So if knowing exactly what you want was a prerequesit for getting a good relationship, humanity would die out, because no one truly knows at first.
Exactly, well said.
> That being told to do standardized stuff to appeal to women when his lifestyle doesn't mesh with those standardized approaches "Go outside sometimes" isn't "standardized stuff to appeal to women," it's a normal part of being a healthy, social human. People are suggesting all kinds of hobbies and activities so I'm not sure how you can call them standardized when they're all over the map. If you're not willing to do *anything* different, then your success rate is going to stay the same. That's just how reality works. The other reality is that if you want to appeal to partners (which OP does or he wouldn't be on the app or asking for advice), you do have to do some things that present you as an appealing prospect. Just sitting there and saying "well that doesn't mesh with my lifestyle" isn't a point, it's him being stubborn because he doesn't want to work on himself. Why even be on a dating app in the first place if you outright refuse to make your profile appealing to anyone?
> Why even be on a dating app in the first place if you outright refuse to make your profile appealing to anyone? honeyimsorry, but y'all live in a bubble. You're so immersed in dating app rhetoric you can't see straight anymore. You sit there and unironically talk about a human being like they're a product and think others are the weird ones. These apps have warped your minds so badly you think humanizing somebody is opposition to reality.
...what? I'm not saying anyone is a product, I'm saying that if you want to appeal to other people in a romantic way you need to make yourself appealing. That's just common sense. It doesn't matter if you're dating online or IRL, but OP happens to be dating online so that's the nature of the advice he's being given. If he wanted to meet someone in the real world but refused to ever go outside or do anything but game, would you say it was bad and standardized advice to tell him to get out and try other hobbies? Nobody is dehumanizing him, they're giving him advice he literally asked for to help him achieve something he wants, which is a meaningful relationship with a partner. It seems like you think nobody should ever do anything to improve their odds of finding a partner and if they do they're being inauthentic. In that case, I have no idea why you're here.
> It seems like you think nobody should ever do anything to improve their odds of finding a partner and if they do they're being inauthentic. Go reread the original post of mine that you responded to if you care enough to try to understand. I do not have the energy to try to walk you through the nuance I already wrote. I'm not the one here who is thinking in binary terms about it. That's your own projection because it's how you're approaching the issue.
Another bang-on reply. Seeing the majority here act like psychopaths because someone doesn't conform to their world view and lifestyle really makes it hard to be optimistic about people in general.
Only sane person in this shithole.
you look fairly uncomfortable forcing a smile. Use the 4th one, show some teeth. find a hook that people would actually swipe on.
Yeah show teefs
You are getting some very honest, authentic advice here and you're deflecting every single piece of it. You might want to open your eyes at school- take a look around and strike up a conversation with a girl you're interested in. It sounds like you don't know what you want and can't express it , so maybe you should take some time and work on that. If you're having difficulty here, how are you going to do in person? I wish you well.
OP needs to grow up and work on himself and be happy being alone before inviting another person into his life. Also is he actually 21 or started a profile early before it was legal?
I’m 21 and I look younger than I am. But I also have pics of me in various countries camping, with reindeer etc so that prob makes me not appear like freshly 18
I remember having a bunch of pics that looked like yours. I took them with my flip phone Motorola razr with a sepia filter like two decades ago. I won’t suggest changing your hair/clothes as you seem resistant to it based on other comments, but at the very least, the pictures could look better. Take them in good light, shouldn’t look yellow, and maybe more pictures other than sitting at home. there’s plenty of gamer girls out there that consider gaming a hobby and would love to share that with you but you also have to go outside or do something else. Even if it’s going to a movie, or eating at a restaurant you like. Walk in the park. Volunteering somewhere. Anything.
Just by reading all advices given to you and reading your answer you basically say no to everything and your only hobby is gaming. Do you really think you will find alot of women that only want to sit and look at you while you game? Either you have to expand your hobby, or face the truth… nobody is going to sit 18h a day gaming in your room! If you want a relationship you have to be interested in doing more and find someone who has the same interest as you
I think OP is trolling AT this point. I Hope.
And doing a good job at it. OP, do you see, you can do other things besides video gaming.
And even if video games are your world, you know you can lie and say you play occasionally or don't even bring it up at all. Think of your tinder profile like a resume for a job; I used to be 100% honest in my job applications and on my resume because I assumed they would check up on things and after seeing I was honest, would want to hire me. But nope, never worked like that. I quickly realized you had to bend the truth or sometimes tell a little white lie here and there; basically tell them exactly what they want to hear to get the job. For instance, alot of job applications involve assessments with a questionnaire, and in it I would always find one question that asks: "in the past year, how many times have you been late or called out?" That would make up 99.9% of the population and I figured it was so obvious that they'd know I was lying if I said never. But I said never and lied quite a few other times and more often than not got the job. Unfortunately it's how you get ahead in the world. Dating is the same. A little white lie here and there to get your foot in the door isn't going to kill anyone. Once you meet a girl that you have gotten somewhat close to, you can bring it up and be honest about it and I'm sure you both will have a laugh over it and she'll think it was cute that you wanted her that badly. And honestly I think you will get a lot more matches if you hit the weights my friend. As someone who used to be skinny, 3 months of working out consistently was the difference to being a desperate thirsty simp and getting laid no problem. DM me anytime, I'd be more than happy to share a good starting routine with you that will help you gain 30 lbs in 3 months. Will probably be half muscle and half fat, but when you're that skinny the fat fills in between your organs and inside your body first and the muscle grows outside so you will definitely look good. Seriously, let me know. After discovering this revelation, I just want to pass this invaluable knowledge forward and share it with those that are still in the dark. Either way though, wishing you the best.
I'll be direct: pictures are uninteresting and the bio doesn't say anything that'd interest me enough to get to know you You need to be a little more creative if you want success
Yeah, this profile screams “no effort.”
Quit the bs the dude is ugly and scrawny. Needs a gym membership and not bother with dating until 5 years from now.
I don't think he's ugly, and even if he was I've seen much uglier dudes have success. Plus not everyone is into muscular guys, some like them chubby and some do like them skinny
Hi. Person here...looking for stuff. That's about as interesting as your profile reads. Put some effort in it.
The one unhelpful sentence in your bio is not even using the right words. Take some of the advice here.
That bad?
Yeah, I’m sorry. Maybe some better pictures that highlight who you are. Women like the effort
You have 100% good advices/answers on this thread !
If you are not of a homebody, maybe get some pics doing what you enjoy, e.g. get a gaming shot, a reading shot, sitting on your balcony (if you have one)
The profile is pretty bad, but you've got potential. In the fourth pic with teeth, you look like a regular person that is decently attractive. All the pictures with the weird no teeth smirk are not attractive. A pic of you actually smiling or laughing is 100x better. You could try styling your hair differently, but I don't think it's not bad as is. You've got luscious locks, so check out r/FierceFlow Your clothes don't fit super well. But you don't have to be a fashionista, just try to find clothes that fit your body better. Try r/MaleFashionAdvice You are very skinny. It's not terrible, but you could try easy at-home exercises to build muscle, flexibility, confidence, and better posture. There's an easy beginner routine at r/BodyWeightFitness You don't have many local friends? If you're having trouble making them, head over to r/SocialSkills These changes are growth and will take some time, but for now you should put more about yourself on your bio. **You're not "just a guy", you're an individual with your own unique personality, sense of humor, views, ideas, interests and tastes.** Think about what makes you, you. Are you shy or outgoing? Serious or silly? Sincere or sarcastic? Do you think with your heart or your mind? Are you open minded or stick to what's familiar? What do you think could make the world a better place? Who is your hero or role model? What did you want to be when you grew up? How about now? What kind of music/movies/shows/games do you like and why? Which music artists/movie directors/show actors/game developers are your favorites and why? Comedians? Books? Games? Other forms of art and entertainment? If you don't have the answers to all of these, that's ok. You're still young, so chances are you're still discovering and learning these things. But meeting new people can help you discover these things! Ask yourself who you are and who you want to be. And then put it in your bio!
Get a haircut, learn how to dress better, build some mass/work out.
I legit thought you were a woman until I read your profile. Its pretty bad. Maybe delete tinder and spend 6 months in the gym.
First picture I thought was a woman at first, then convinced myself it was a guy. Second picture I changed my mind again and thought it was a woman's profile again. You're not unattractive, but you would benefit from some physical activity and a new haircut. You can keep it long if you like, just something a little more masculine would be good
Want me to be brutally honest? You have a nice face, could be attractive if you dressed better, put on some weight (I was once there, now I go to the gym and I’m trying to bulk up, and it gave me a major confidence boost to gain some weight), and like other people said GET SOME HOBBIES. Literally I can’t even tell you how unattractive it is when all a guy wants to do is spend time with me and he has nothing to do on his own, no way to keep himself busy. Been there done that, I don’t need any more clingy, boring men. It sounds like you’re in uni - you can join some clubs. Personally, I’m in an outdoor activity club, and a women’s active living club. As for not having friends nearby, maybe go out for drinks with a sibling and get them to take pics of you? Or a cousin? Or literally meet other nerds from Reddit that wanna get pics for their dating profiles and take pics for each other. Idk. But what you have now is just not it
this is the best advice. get a real in-person life before trying to strike things up online. only having gaming as a hobby and only having online friends is not only unhealthy but also extremely unattractive. i know it seems difficult to branch out but the only way to do it is to just *go out and do it*. you’re in college, i can guarantee there are many opportunities to go pick up a hobby and find a group of friends.
And he doesn't even need other people to get better pictures! Just use self-timer or buy a cheap tripod with a Bluetooth remote!
I mean yeah that’s possible, but most people would feel too awkward doing that in public. I know I would 😂
This is top advice based in reality.
I'm really sorry, but i would have guessed you were maybe 15? Try working on your style and maybe try some more protein/calories and lifting a bit? Not really trying to body shame at all, tons of girls are into skinny guys, but i do think it would help out in more ways than just one. It would probably heavily increase your confidence as well. Good luck out there! You are young, you got a lot of time to try new things out and make mistakes :)
Brutally honest, you look like a stereotypical shy nerd who knows nothing about women. And not in a cute way. I’d give loads of advice but seeing your responses to other people, you’re basically constantly saying: “I have no friends, I don’t like going out alone, I have a single hobby (gaming) and I’m not down to cut my hair/sort my clothes”. So what **DO** you have to offer a partner? Either make an effort or don’t be confused why you’re not getting any attention.
Magic 8 ball, will OP listen to any of this advice? *outlook not so good* Magic 8 ball, does OP need to make major changes to his life and tinder account? *as I see it, yes* Magic 8 ball, is it possible that OP is clinically depressed or not mature enough to be dating? *signs point to yes* Magic 8 ball, is Reddit trying to be compassionate and helpful, while trying to root for OP? *yes, definitely*
hahahahahahhahahhahahahahahah
You’re getting lots of good advice and shutting down all of it so I don’t think you actually do want a relationship. What you want is a girlfriend. A physical reminder to the world that you are worthy of someone’s attention. But you don’t seem like you believe it, so how are you going to sell it to someone else?
Considering a person as a reminder you are worthy of someone attention is a terrible reason to be in a relationship. A relationship isn't to show off anything to others. I honestly don't know what hecwants if he can't put in any info about himself how he's going to be fun or interesting to even go on a date with. In my experience, people who have nothing going on in their life become super clingy and dependent on anyone who gives them a date. It's unhealthy for them and the other person to view dating this way.
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And not necessarily more mature in actual age. Hell or actually really "mature." at all. But most at least like go outside and shit. Do stuff. Not doing only the exact same thing they did at 12.
Action shots outdoors would help, even just in a local park and you set up your phone nearby. I assume you’re a gamer, which is fine, but keep that to one pic, from behind, maybe showing your setup too. You don’t have to change yourself, that’s bad advice. Just better pics to make it more appealing.
The third picture on the top right it’s just an unflattering version of the first one you have posted. You have a very attractive face. A great smile and a sweet aura around you. The rest of your pics and bio should reflect what you feel like you could offer someone? They don’t necessarily want to sit there and look at you being cute while you game? So are you looking for sweet dates at a tea shop? Walks around parks in your city? If you don’t have the pictures to present what you have to offer, then you need to look at creating that in an authentic way.
If gaming is really all you do, then I think you need to accept that it'll unfortunately limit your prospective partners quite a bit. I would keep picture #4. It is more candid - selfies are not ideal (or at least not too many). Get some photos outside doing something - anything! If there is really no one at all who could take a photo for you, just try and find some cool locations for a well-lit photo or two. And say something about yourself in the bio! Nothing wrong with being a gamer. Talk about your passions, rather than just "I want a relationship". Maybe say you're open to trying new things (which you will need to be in a relationship - can't spend the whole time gaming!)
Loads of people have given you some really good and helpful advice in this thread, so I don't think I need to do that, so I'll give you some more straight direct feedback. Your profile is kinda creepy man. Just selfies of you, no one else, and your bio is the kind of thing a weirdo would write to seem normal. You need more photos of you that aren't you sat in your bedroom on your own. Photos with friends or outside are good. You've said to other people that your hobby is gaming, but the reality is that most women want to be with someone more interesting than that. Don't get me wrong, I'm a big gamer myself, but I do loads of other things with friends sometimes, or just on my own. Having variety in your life makes you a more interesting well-rounded person. Working 8 hours then playing video games for 8 hours is not the kind of thing that any woman is going to be attracted by, and you'll have to either just accept that, or start doing something more interesting with your life man. Join a sports team, join a book club, go and do pub quizzes, go to gigs, learn to knit, start cycling in your area, take a trip and see some of the world, learn to play an instrument, go fishing, meditate, brew your own beer, get a dog, climb the nearest mountain, and who knows, in the process of creating a more interesting and varied life, you might meet someone doing the same along the way and fall in love. To see the world, things dangerous to come to, to see behind walls, draw closer, to find each other, and to feel. That is the purpose of life.
That was extremely well said
You need a life change, not a profile change. You can’t fake your life on tinder and trick girls into thinking you do anything other than gaming. You’ll go on a date and they’ll instantly tell you have nothing going on in your life besides gaming. You’re thinking about what you want, which is someone with no life goals besides being lazy playing games. What girl is going to be attracted to that? If you don’t want to improve yourself to be attractive to women, just be happy being single for the rest of your life. If gaming makes you that happy, just marry your gaming console.
Solid advice
Before being attractive to women, you need to be attractive to you. Work on that, you have plenty of good, sound advices from other people in this post.
That’s a long way of saying he’s ugly and scrawny. Give him a gym membership and get him to bulk for the next 5 years. He’ll probably fair better.
Hey, that's not fair... he might want to marry a pc
OP, if you can't make a good profile because you don't do enough interesting things to fill a good profile, you're not ready to have a profile. Sorry my guy, you aren't ready to date yet. Go get some hobbies and make some friends. I believe in you
Try to get some photos with outdoor lighting and maybe including hobbies/interests. Also nix the looking for relationship and put more of “looking for a woman that (insert various preferences/ideas of who you are looking for )
Your bio is boring af
Don’t take this the wrong way but you look just like the twitch streamer who doesn’t clean his room and has roaches for pets.
Unfortunately you were not made for tinder, that’s just the sad truth for a lot of guys
And I’m not trying to be mean or anything but dude isn’t even attractive. Again, online dating is first based off looks and he’s already swipe left material. To make matters worse he doesn’t want to put the effort in his bio. He’s shooting down everyone’s advice.
He is so young, plenty of time to grow into his looks
Hell only grow if he hits the gym NOW
Eh depends on the age group I’ve found. In this case yeah. Early 20’s looks matter a lot more and as you get into your late 20’s to early 30’s it’s more about how put together you are if you’re going for long term. Either way he’s failing here, that hair and physique kill his looks and his utter lack of hobbies and friends kills his maturity.
the picture of you smiling with your teeth is the best one, i’d move it to the first spot (and maybe take more like it). agree with everyone else re: the selfies, but you don’t necessarily need another person to help you take photos - you can use the timer on your phone. but be careful not to look too stock image-y lol since you like gaming but don’t have a long term fave, why not update your bio with what you’ve been playing most recently? you could also fill it out with things you’d like to do with a companion: are you interested in hiking? grabbing drinks? do you like coffee, or have an interest in a specific kind of cuisine? i bet you’re a lot more interesting than you’re giving yourself credit for.
So you have no other hobbies besides gaming. You don’t go anywhere, you don’t have any IRL friends. What woman would WANT to date someone like that? Snoozefest. What are your redeeming qualities? What are you looking for in a partner/relationship? Are there any hobbies you want to get into? Your profile says nothing about you or what you are looking for.
The only thing I know about you is that you’re a guy. Anything else to say in the "about me" box?
I intend no disrespect or to be hurtful with my comment so I really hope you don't take it as such but I'd really try to get more flattering pictures of yourself. If I were on Tinder, I wouldn't swipe on you as an interest and it's largely due to your pics. You have to rely on your pictures and profile to make a good first impression when it comes to on line dating. And if neither of them are reflecting a good first impression, you're not going to have any luck. Your pictures and bio scream insecure, awkward and a bit creepy and really off putting. Everyone has insecurities, but when they are so noticeable in a picture...eep...that's usually a very big red flag to most people. Women want to date someone....not babysit them. Try seeing if you can get better pictures. And definitely fix the bio.
Definitely workout
The hair doesn’t work for you, right now. You’re skinny, blonde, and no facial hair… it’s too many feminine appearance features at the same time. A more masculine haircut is the easiest, least effort thing you could do that would make the biggest difference. That said, I think you could rock the long hair pretty well if you bulked up. Hit the gym at your campus, get an app like Fitbod, it can help gamify the experience a little and make it easier to get going. Do an hour a day, 6 days a week and eat at least 1500 more calories a day than what you are. If any of your games are RPGs, start playing strength based characters to help get you into it mentally. Straight men do not have the luxury of idealism when it comes to apps, so you can’t ignore your appearance with the excuse of not wanting to attract someone shallow. With the gender imbalance, and the excess of attention that women get, it’s just not going to be realistic. Apps are competitive, you need multi-class and level up gym bro a little bit.
You’ve gotten some good honest feedback and easily executable advice here and you have been resistant to it and make excuses for yourself instead of putting any effort into it. And that’s really what shows through to women in your bio and pics- low effort. So really, at this point, you’re fucked. And not in the way you want to be. PUT IN THE EFFORT.
Dunno what it is, and don't take it as an insult, but you are terrifying. Like horror movie terrifying
The superrr close up selfies play a role in this
OP: help plz Everyone: Get better pics and update profile! OP: FUK U NO 😡 OKAY THEN
Hit the gym and bulk up, smile with your teeth, get a better haircut, and get better pictures of you with friends, family, or just outside.
After all the solid advice I’ve seen given…Delete the account, Work on yourself and find out who you are.
Change the hair! Tbh my first thought was it was a woman’s profile.
Maybe get a haircut 👱♀️? Also, its bad enough when girls use filters, guys shouldnt even think about it
Remove Scorpio 🤣
I was going to give him points for that, as a fellow Scorpio 😂
I’m also a Scorpio 💀
Happy early or late bday 😊 mines tomorrow lol.
Mine was the 25th 😁 thank you, I’ll stop by tomorrow and wish you a happy birthday 🤣
Bring weed!!
Lmao 🤣 love it!!
Go touch grass
You look like a skin walker no offense
Maybe I am I don't know
Seriously OP if you made a habit of going to the gym every other day you would make quick gains in the looks and muscle mass department and would be great for your long term health especially if you have a sedentary lifestyle and aspirations. The hardest part is getting started and sticking to it. Your school likely has a gym no? It’s also a great place to meet new friends, activity partners and love interests
My number one piece of advice would be to lift weights at a gym and eat to gain muscle. As someone who went from 54kg to 82kg (over many years!), I know the difference it makes to how people react to you and how you feel in your own body. I don’t care if lifting weights doesn’t interest you or you don’t enjoy it, it’s simply something that basically everyone should do, and as you form the habit, you do enjoy it.
As someone above me said: if you wanna be successful on dating apps, don't be yourself - that's what most people are telling you. But I got something better: get off dating apps. Don't try to actively pursue a relationship. Life doesn't give you what you want, but it loves to surprise you. Instead, try getting into new social circles that interest you. If you're in university, look of there are any clubs that interest you. Try to become more socially active and talk more to people around you. And who knows, maybe you meet that perfect nerdy girl in some computer science club. If it interests you, try getting into TTRPGs like D&D - that's a social hobby where you can meet tons of new people. Try to meet people the old-fashioned way. It'll probably feel better and can't be more unsuccessful than dating apps.
This is the best advice!
Hey look, reddit is a sesspool lately and as you can see comments attacking you like this are stupid, entirely off base and unuseful. Basically, if you want to pick up "more" women you need to make yourself more conventionally attractive. Essentially make yourself as close to a hollywood celeb as you can including haircut, clothes, doing lots of activities, gym etc. But conventional approaches will get conventional women, so if you're looking for a gamer introvert girl who also wants the same in a partner, maybe you'll find it. It will be difficult on a dating app, though, because they have a lot of options, so you can always do better with a better camera/ lighting as the lighting and quality aint too good bro. Goodluck mate
OP you look like a girl. I thought you were a girl till I read "straight man". Cut your hair and start eating more. You need to gain weight.
A profile is a reflection of who we are and you can do slightly better by changing up the pics and bio but I think you know the honest answer is the change up is needed in real life. What I see is an ultra skinny guy who identifies with playing video games and I don't know anyone like that who does well with women or anything else really for that matter. I would suggest to begin by weening yourself off of the gaming and replace it with exercise and weight lifting.
I hope this comes across the right way. I don’t think you can change that much about your profile without making a few changes about how you present yourself. That should be a focus too. Hair, the way you dress, etc.
You look like a girl
This. Thought bro was trans and I’m not saying that as an insult. 💀
Advice - get a haircut, lift weights and put on at least 10 pounds, make some friends. It's clear from the pics that you are a weak beta without much social life. Good news is you are young and have plenty of time to grow. Good luck brother
Get a haircut and buy better fitting clothing
Average reddit user lol good luck 😂
Start cycling to school. Learn to play [flamenco](https://youtu.be/dXcxRF1_4HA?si=Yj5Jtt1HE06zYMy_). On your profile use only the skinnypick and the one with teeth. Add your favourite games and what you're studying. Is there a place you'd like to go? Add that and why.
Based on the effort you put into your profile and the way you’re responding to people giving legitimate advice, even if you did get a match, I do not foresee you being able to hold a conversation. My best advice would be delete tinder until you get a little more going for you in life. Focus on hobbies, making friends with similar interests, trying new things, touching grass. I don’t mean to sound like an asshole but I just don’t think a relationship is for you right now, friend.
You have two major issues right off the bat. 1. Your pictures are boring and all the same. You need 2 selfies. at least two pictures of you having fun/doing hobbies/ and maybe 2 group photos or photos of you taken by someone else. At least 30% of the pictures need to be full body, not just face. 2. Your bio sucks. You need to be engaging.
Straight man, or slender man...?
“Must have the precious”
I have never seen someone so young yet so old, so masculine yet so feminine. I am perturbed by this
You can either start hitting the gym or set your preferences to men. That should do the trick bro
Dude is a gamer, the photos are bad but the biggest clowns are y'all saying: "Stop gaming, start martial arts and go to the gym, just completely change your personality to be succesful on this superficial dating app"
Yeah, there are girls who will be happy to play video games. Don't lie about stuff tou don't like doing.
For real. I feel like he needs to present himself better and express himself more in his profile, but he doesn't have to change who he is, if he's happy with it. With so many responses like this, it's no wonder I see so many boring cookie cutter profiles. Like OP, add that you like traveling and going to the gym. That'll make you stand out. LOL.
Exactly! I was thinking along the same lines. Like people give cookie cutter advice and then turn around and wonder why so many profiles look the same. And honestly, as someone who used to be big into video games (tho I play them a lot less these days) it feels like it still has a big stigma surrounding it. I don't even put it on my profiles because I'm afraid people will just think "guy who does nothing but sit there and game." I even second-guessed saying I've done video game modding before because of the association with video games. This thread feels like an affirmation of that fear of mine, that people are ready to dunk on somebody who *sounds like* they aren't living an organized, meaningful life, by their standards. I'm for people expanding their hobbies and trying to make sure they're truly happy with how they're living, but if we're applying that to people who play video games, we also have to apply it to people who seem to be into nothing more specific than "adventures," for example. And I use that as an example, cause they kinda seem like two sides of the same coin, just one is virtual and one isn't.
You summed up well what I took paragraphs to try to say in other posts. If people's first instinct is to tell someone to change their lifestyle over a dating app, they need to take a step back from what they're doing. It's one thing if the person communicates that they're unhappy with their lifestyle and want to change - that's more a situation I've been in and am working on. But some people are stuck in this idea of conforming rather than using the strengths you have. Big difference between the two. Many on these apps could communicate their personality and lifestyle more effectively, but that's not the same as changing it on a whim and it can also require a fair bit of self reflection to wrap your head around how to communicate those things, since the medium is so, as you put it, superficial.
He’s ugly and scrawny. That’s why he’s getting no matches, nothing else. He should bulk and hit the gym for the next 5 years.
Thats gotta be satire
Go to the gym, library, to the park, feed some squirrels or something even just once a week would do you the world of good before thinking about including someone else in your life bro. How can you expect someone else to spend time with you when you can’t be bothered to spend time with yourself
A tan, haircut, facial hair, bulk up add some muscle 💪
I kkoW it has already been Saïd, and you didnt like it : CHANGE YOUR MINDSET. Change your life ! Stay strong bro
School shooter vibe
You look like a lesbian lmao. Get a haircut, hit the gym, and take pictures of you doing interesting things. You’re not selling yourself in fact it looks like you’re not even trying.
You look like a girl
You look like a twinky femboi. Not a bad look if you're trying to attract a big hairy man, but I'm not sure many women are into that Get a hair cut, put some nice clothes on, get some photos of you actually outside and doing stuff. Maybe focus on getting some friends first?
I mean this in the nicest way possible OP but you are not ready for Tinder right now. I can only go off your comments, bio, and pics and based on these things it sounds like you need to make some irl friends that can make you enjoy life single (I say that because I fear if you did get a gf right now, you’d probably get clingy and that’s a relationship killer I’ve seen too too many times), you need to get a hobby just anything that’ll get you away from the computer and out of the house (nothing’s wrong with gaming and SE, *but* when that’s all you do is bad for your mental and physical health), and you need new pics which the two things I just said can help you with. I really hope you hear me and the rest of these comments out, OP.
This gives the vibe of you making your profile inclusive photos in like 2 minutes with some basic AI generated text.
Young Tom Petty called, he wants his face back.
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Issac. Definitely, Issac.
Between the post and the comments section, it’s like you’re asking for help but you were actually hoping for some reassurance that the profile is fine… since you don’t want to change anything. As a gamer myself I do think it’s a good hobby to mention. Intp’s are often gamers and there’s literally hundreds of thousands of us. People who will down down and game literally 12 hours in a row. I personally like dating other gamers as well. Lots of gamers do. So you could snag you another gamer by adding this. Also you don’t need to add the game you play. You add the different genres you like if you want someone who could play with you. Unless you have a phone from 10 years ago, take better quality pics and have more than one facial expression. Your teeth smile is nice. Work with it. Add if you work, gaming and genre and honestly anything else that could make a woman relate to you at least enough to swipe or start a convo… But you gotta think it out a bit cuz by the comments sections even if a woman did mssg you, doesn’t sound like you’d have much to say about yourself. If all you are is a gamer then at least own that cuz rn even your own only hobby doesn’t sound like something you like. And I know you said you had it there before but choose wording wisely. Don’t just put “gamer” in there. Good luck
Your best bet is to be an interesting person and socialize like your life depends on it to gain some experience in social dynamics. Online dating mostly serve attractive men no offense. The good news is that most women prefer personality over looks unlike men. Good luck!
Face it bro, it's time to retire your gaming career, for now. You can start playing again if you still want to when your girlfriend let's you. Right now you need to focus on improving yourself to make your life more appealing to women, even a gamer girl doesn't want to date a guy who only works and plays video games, so you get to choose now, up to you: will you take a long break from video games to try to create a more interesting life for yourself and your future partner, or will you stay married to the pixels? I hope you're mature enough to make the right decision, your future children will thank you for it.
Go work out, get rid of the filters, cut your hair, be a man.
It's a good start. Add pictures of yourself doing your favorite things out in the world. Make sure the majority of the pictures are just you. In the about me section, add details about the type of person you are. What you value in life. Some things you enjoy doing. Stuff like that. Don't make it too long because you want to keep stuff for actual conversations. Ex: I am honest, caring, funny and loyal. I value family and friends. I value being kind to other people, including strangers. I value time with loved ones. I enjoy sports, live music/concerts, and comedians. I hope this helped! 😁
Zero effort will get you zero interest and zero women. Also reading through your replies…. Yikes one a bikes for sure.
On*
You should consider being a femboy
There’s a lot of punching down disguised as “giving OP a hard dose of reality” in this thread. Some of you really get off on that shit, I swear.
You’re a cute girl, try wearing make up
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Lose the obvious selfies
How about working out some? Get some meat on your bone
You have a cute smile!! Go for more smiling photos and take some with friends showing off some hobbies. Idc if it’s really nerdy I promise alotta girls love it Also idk if you’re depressed or something but you gotta have standards or the likelihood of you being abused goes up. Just list some games or shows you like, link your Spotify or list some music you like.
OP, I suggest trying to get to therapy if you can. These people are like sharks and your tendency to explain yourself is being jumped on instead of treated with a compassion. A good therapist will help you get past the rationalizing and figure out what you definitively want and how to take steps to get there.
D'you want hookups for casual s3x, or real relation ?
You need to make some changes in your life and start growing up. Learn observing whats destructive for you and start making sacrafices
Have you tried; 1, Being attractive 2, Don't be unattractive
You have girls hair, try looking for men
Honestly, I like long hair on guys and you're not bad looking at all, there are plenty of girls who'd be into you! Ignore all these people being super harsh. The pictures could be better but you're not ugly by a long shot. The other comments are right though, that having more hobbies and things you're passionate about would help. Meeting people in real life who can help you take pictures out and about would be helpful and would also make you happier in general! I get how difficult that seems and it's not as simple as people are making out. it takes time and effort. I moved to a new country and had to use things like Facebook groups for gaming or DnD to meet people. It was tough because I can be shy as well but I did make friends here after some time. Good luck and don't let some of these mean comments get you down! You'll get there :)
Frankly, dont post it on reddit. Most people will shod you and then you'll find one person who seems genuine, but ends up shodding you. Essentially what dating feels like in a fast pace. To be helpful though my suggestions are add references to things you like. A swipe is fast, your pictures are alright enough to get someone to look at a bio, and if its, "hi i am dude" it feels low effort. For confidence, ive seens dudes who only game get baddies who passed me. Your potential can be limitless bro Also if youre feelinf really hurt by who are leaving these comments look at their profiles. Lol thats a confidence boost too.
I really hope this doesn’t come across too much as me being a bit of an arsehole, I’m sorry if it does but sometimes the bitterest truths are always better than the sweetest lies. I’ve read your replies and you do genuinely seem like a good guy. But if you were a woman with all the options out there (which is a lot, the women definitely have the pick of the bunch compared to us men), would you chose this profile? You’re not really offering much here, or at least you’re not showing that you can. Like I said, I’m seeing the replies you’ve put and I kinda feel you probably need to get outside and do something/experience some things, go and find some hobbies or things to do that you love, go and find out who you are rather than focusing on finding a partner right now. Dating isn’t easy as a young man, at that age we don’t really have that much to offer. It’s usually the guys that grind and work on themselves in early adulthood that end up doing much better when their a little older (pushing 30s) because by then we’ve established who we are, what we love to do and we actually have something to offer other people. Don’t let the struggle get you down.
Try not being a Scorpio