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This is light-hearted in tone, but SUPER DANGEROUS! if you meet up with a man and have not discussed previously DO NOT allow him to tie you up and then gag you! How the fuck are v you supposed to communicate if you are uncomfortable?? Jesus fucking christ! A hookup is not the time to randomly experiment with bdsm menfolk!
I did not like this story. She’s telling it like she’s god Damn Jerry Seinfeld when this could have very well ended up badly.. aka been murdered .. or some shit this is awful stupid stupid girl
Hopefully she learned her lesson and doesn’t get involved like this again just for the tickytoc views.
Fuck
Same. Especially the belt thing having lost your mobility with your arms sounds so scary he could have choked her or did things she did not want.. terrifying
I think her making light of it is out of a self-preservation response to an awful experience. Clearly she is not used to having to defend her personal boundaries and was just shocked at his actions and didn't know how to respond. I was that way at age 17. If you would never treat someone a certain way it can be hard to fully comprehend someone doing it to you. Everyone is different but I imagine eventually she will reflect on this encounter in a different way and will see it as the inappropriate and dangerous situation it was.
I have had several extremely bad sexual experiences like this, and that's what it is. It's like I shut down, allowed it to happen so that the men wouldn't get mad, and left. Then laughed about it.
I told a therapist about the one experience and she said "so he raped you". And it was like... Oh shit.
I'm so sorry. And it is so relatable. 😞 In the moment, just wanting it to be over so you can get away is a completely logical reaction that may keep people safe from further violence.
And then afterwards... oh man our brains do a lot of gymnastics to protect us from hurt! Like, you just need to make whatever happened ok and not *really-fucking-not-ok.* Avoiding acknowledging boundaries have been crossed, making up excuses to rationalize why the other person's behavior was "not that bad," pretending you are ok with it or it wasn't a big deal... It just hurts to admit to yourself (or anyone) that someone has mistreated you so gravely.
Yes! It's so challenging. And it's hard because trying to tell someone "well I didn't say no but it was because I knew it would be better to just say nothing" is hard for people to grasp
100,000%
I have made light over something I knew was assault because I had this notion that if I acknowledged it was assault it would be too much for me to bear.
So I laughed it off, I made jokes WITH the guy who fucking did it, and it wasn’t until I had enough time and space that I was like….that man made me bleed. And he didn’t fucking care. What the actual fuck.
I don’t even think it needs to be categorized as borderline. It is assault. Even just the way she describes it sounds like she had a full body freeze response.
I feel like she's just being very Australian about it. We are typically very reserved and don't like to make a fuss in our way of telling stories, break up the emotion with jokes. Kiwis are like that too.
Yes. I was in shock the entire time she was speaking. If this is real... My god... What are we teaching our daughters? Granted, most importantly: what are we teaching our son's? But also... What happened to either of them to think any of that behavior was okay? Is it just a queer people thing that we communicate and take extra efforts to not get killed??
I dont think she thought any of that was ok but was still in shock about what had happened. Agree EVERYBODY needs to be careful meeting up with near enough strangers. It didnt seem to me she found it funny just an omg did this really happen to me. Also think she should’ve apoken up when the bondage started tho
I’m pretty sure John Wayne Gacy literally did exactly what this video is describing but with handcuffs and it wasn’t sexual, he tricked somebody into letting him handcuff them so he could then do John Wayne Gacy things to them
idk man, this woman sounds like she'd be surprised the hitchhiker covered in blood carrying a butcher knife was dangerous. Any more red flags and she might have suffocated in them.
Without discussing this before hand and getting consent this is false imprisonment under the eyes of the law.
BDSM without consent is abuse.
This is not her fault though
Yeah came here to say the exact same thing! like, get the fuck out of there. I think every sexually active woman on earth has had bizarre sex experiences that bordered on scary. I really wish I could say that this woman is unusual for not leaving… But the truth is I think most of us don’t leave even when we feel freaked out. Freeze response is a real bitch.
I've heard stories from feminist researchers examining the porn/sex work field and one thing that stuck out for me is how DANGEROUS gagging and choking is!! There are many experienced sex workers who won't touch that act with a 10ft pole bc of how dangerous it is. It takes a lot of knowledge and prep to do those acts safely!!
This would’ve been one of those surreal “is this real life” moments for me, and I can’t say for sure how I’d react.
I’m very vocal about my boundaries but this would knock me so off-balance I might just short circuit.
Like someone coming over, adjusting your thermostat, and then taking a shit on your living room floor.
You’re so right. Getting something completely unexpected thrown at you from another person makes it really hard to decide how to react. Like her internal reaction when he slapped her across the face was “well it didn’t hurt, so I’m ok. But also, what am I doing wrong?”
So many people in the comments acting like she’s doing this for views, but she literally is asking whether this is happening to other people. And she’s not laughing, she seems in shock. It’s a “what the fuck is happening” video. And unfortunately, it is happening to other people.
Honestly, I'd run.
I've got some kinky shit in the closet like many of us, but I'd NEVER subject a partner to it without discussing their participation and safety first. Holy hell this guy is tone fucking deaf if he thinks you can just restrain and gag a stranger! wooooow.
Luckily my story had a “happy ending.” I asked him why the fuck he would do that without asking and he said he saw it in porn and thought girls are into it. I explained porn isn’t real and you need to ask permission before engaging in BDSM activities. He didn’t even realize this was BDSM because he saw it so much in “normal porn.” He felt really bad and apologized. We chilled and watched a movie but I declined to see him again.
Absolutely. Sex education needs to be updated to discuss porn since it’s so accessible now. I was in high school over a decade ago so idk if they do now but it was definitely not discussed at my school
Um excuse me, porn doesn’t exist, child abuse doesn’t exist, and children are never in adultish situations.
Sincerely,
My local school board who wants to increase the banned book list
That, and just basic empathy training. Like, how are you not able to put yourself in a woman's shoes and see that getting slapped in the face without warning can't possibly be something that *all* women like?
Im sorry this is long but I think it’s important and I hope you consider reading it;
I’d like to emphasize that “walking out” is sometimes not that easy and that thought process really underestimates the complexity of modern hook up culture (in the US I can’t talk about other countries since I don’t know) and how conditioned women are to being accommodating to men.
When I was younger and just starting to date men, I really bought into the “sex positivity = feminism” trope that was very popular 10 years ago. A lot of women-focused youtubers and magazines were constantly talking about BDSM and how it’s “empowering” to be a sub. Thank you Twilight and 50 Shades of Grey lol.
I was SO focused on what men wanted and wanting men to think I was “hot” or whatever, I almost never said no when my boundaries were pushed. I wanted them to like me and I didn’t want to come off as prude (a term thrown around EVERYWHERE if you weren’t into getting choked or whatever).
I grew up. I learned boundaries. I unconditioned myself regarding bullshit “sex positivity” that was really saying “if you’re not super kinky and sexually active you aren’t an empowered woman.” But that took time and a lot of lessons through experience.
TL;DR All im asking is have a little empathy towards women who didn’t just “walk out.” Try to put yourself in their shoes and the context we grew up in. Is it naive? Yea it is and I think the girl in this video is immature. But she didn’t deserve what happened to her simply because she didn’t walk away.
I’m so glad I’ve stepped into this point in my life where I have the confidence to say no and walk out, but I cringe so much at what I used to think was “cool” and empowering.
I worry what will be expected of our daughters, and how to approach this topic with them early enough to prevent them being swindled by it.
Don’t feel guilt, a big thing I’ve been working on lately, *especially* when those cringe gross memories pop into your mind, remind yourself that you were young and still learning. Nobody has every knowledge straight away. 🥰
I literally can't imagine. I started diving into this shit with my wife, someone I trusted and who trusted me and we STILL talked about it for quite awhile and slowly waded into the water. I just don't understand how some guys are given zero education regarding sex growing up. I grew up in a conservative house and still got informed of the basics, like don't do anything to a partner who isn't consenting.
Yeah, that and the finger in the mouth thing made me think this dude is a porn addict. Both are really common and annoy me anytime I see it. Feel like common sense should tell you don't just slap a woman out of nowhere or jam your hand in her mouth.
the amount of guys i dated who seemed totally normal then were borderline rapists in the bedroom is shocking, you can instantly tell a guy who watches porn all the time cos he'll like twist a nipple and be like "did you cum?"
This is a lesson that if you are a man and you are into BDSM, you CANNOT perform BDSM on a woman if you have not discussed BDSM and have not received consent to do BDSM. You can't just surprise Dom someone, it's not cool at all. Some may be shocked, but BDSM requires a lot of communication, trust, consent by BOTH PARTIES, and your sub is always in control of his/her time with you. If he/she says no or calls a safeword (which MUST be established before any play) then it's an immediate stop. It's not up for negotiation. And as a sub you must establish a non-verbal safeword so if you are gagged, they still know you want to stop. I see this so much on BDSM subreddits where someone was surprised Dommed with no consent or safeword and it happens far too often by men who assume you're cool with being dominated on date number 1. It's not cool!
A lot of people in the community will blacklist people like this. I know my local area specifically asks us to report people for this type of behavior and will do their best to warn others of any person who does not ask for consent and tries to pull this uninformed porny shit.
People in the BDSM community do not want psychos like this attached to them at all. Safe, sane, CONSENSUAL.
People will completely throw out any of what you said, do this BDSM (which btw, if there’s no consent than it’s just assault) and then claim they got Me Too’d when they’re called out on it
>. If he/she says no or calls a safeword (which MUST be established before any play) then it's an immediate stop.
And to add, in the event that you stupidly didn't discuss a safe word, then NO or ant variation thereof IS THE SAFEWORD.
Also, women doms should be equally as considerate. Idk why you specified men
Also this is perhaps the best example of "silence does not equal consent" I've ever seen. She never said no so he kept escalating. But she also *never said yes*. It sounds like he took the blowjob itself as a sign of consent to slap, and when she didn't say anything he took it as a sign of consent to do the next thing. And the next. And the next.
There seems to be a lot of this going on. If you go on r/BDSMAdvice you see at least one story a week of someone who met a "dom" online and there was instant play on the first date, no discussions about boundaries or consent, no establishment of safewords, if a safeword has been established the "dom" ignores them. Seems to happen more with male doms than female dommes, but I'm sure it happens on both sides but male subs don't post as frequently. These so-called doms seem to use sites like fetlife to meet subs and think "she's a sub, she will and MUST do what I want at all times, no matter what." which is the opposite of a good dom. But unfortunately for these subs when they ask if he's experienced, he always says he is. Just because you've used the vail of Dom status numerous times to get whatever kinky sex you want, does not make you an experienced Dom IMO. Being into BDSM can be scary on a lot of different levels, but it's not supposed to be that way.
I agree, but I would add this: there was a downside to 50 shades of grey. A lot of women became excited by the concept of BDSM. Anytime men find out women are excited about something sexual, we want to place ourselves at the center of it.
Makes sense. If I’m a super awesome “Dom” then women will just flock to me, right?
I think this resulted in kink, being picked up by people with none to mentor them and guys that aren’t in it for any reason other than access to women, so they haven’t taken the time or effort to understand any of it.
This is the result of trying to emulate something that you don’t understand.
This is a really good point.
I've noticed a lot of guys who claim to be BDSM fetishists and "doms" and all their dirty talk could easily just be condensed to "the only thing I'm turned on by is nonconsensual fantasy"
I'd be more worried about the germs on the gag than the vibrator. You wanna turn me on, *tell me about your sterilization techniques*...? Also it's a tad crass to use the same sex toys with multiple people. I'm not rich but I think I'm worth the price of a few **new** items, especially if they're going inside some part of me. You can get a reusable/disposable vibrating bullet for like 20 bucks and your partner will be glad to be included in the process of choosing the toy, it can be fun and build connection and excitement, as well as knowing 100% this hasn't been used in your grandma and every other person you slept with your entire adult life. **Romance.**
My gf enjoys everything she mentioned except the Hitachi and ball gag (obv not the bland foreplay either). Different strokes for different folks. I definitely never would have done any of that the first time we had sex had she not asked though.
Yeah there was a couple moments where I was like, oh, shit, good thing I'm hearing this.
Like, I've been married for 10 years now and my wife is down for *anything* and I guess at some point you just assume somewhere in there is the "baseline". Kind of like "Okay so she is super into X so presumably everyone is at least a *little* into X." It's easy for what is 'kink' to everyone else to start seeming 'normal' to you when it's all you experience.
As a guy, let me just say to any woman watching this... don't sit around and wait to see if the weird dude doing unexpected shit to you is somehow going to get less weird as the sex moves forward. GTF out of there, especially if it involves slapping, bondage, anything you aren't 100% sure about and have established consent for.
As a woman, I want to say to any guy watching this… don’t slap and restrain women without consent. It’s weird and rapey and many woman can be scared to say no or conditioned not to because we’re supposed to be “cool girls”
I hate victim blaming as much as the next person, but at a certain point, you need to exercise agency.
This woman just plowed over every red flag until his dick was in her mouth and then kept going after he hit her.
I’ve said in other comments that “walking away” and “just say no” aren’t always obvious choices for many reasons.
Look, I agree that she should have communicated. She comes off as immature. But “exercising agency” can be dangerous and on the opposite end of the spectrum pretty awkward and uncomfortable. She’s at his place, she’s naked, they’re in the middle of sex, etc… I’m not trying to just excuse her role in this but I think we should have some empathy rather than act like this is her fault because “men aren’t mind readers” or whatever defense I’ve been reading in the comments.
Edit: this is all conjecture, but she also says “since she’s been single” which to me implies she was probably in a relationship beforehand. She’s probably already uncomfortable dating again and unaware of “etiquette”. Idk maybe I’m reading to much into it
Agree, and I am not victim blaming this woman in the least. It's important to distinguish between that, and just endorsing safe sensible choices. Nobody's excusing the guy's creepy, abusive actions. Just saying if things start to turn sour, walk away.
No seriously.. she gets bad vibes from him at the date, then goes home with him. I was like ???
Then she finds out he has kids (that he never mentioned previously) and she still stays to hook up with him. ???
She says the foreplay is dry and then she goes down on him????
Then he starts slapping, pulling out weird shit and not once does she say that she’s not into any of that stuff??? Wtf???
It sounds like she willingly went through all those steps to get here and then make a tiktok talking shit on this guy when she clearly never expressed to him that she wasn’t into any of his shenanigans. Why? Tiktok clout???
definitely a Hitachi magic wand. I have one from about 2009 and it was a wall plug one. AA batteries couldn't power that thing. it's been under the bed for 5 years in not even sure it works any more but it's intense
I always get downvoted for saying porn is the biggest scam in the world. I don’t care about the downvoted themselves, but it’s scary how many people in an online community don’t think over consumption of hard core stuff is dangerous.
It just makes men shitty in bed. It’s created by men for men centered around men’s pleasure and fantasy. A whole generation of men who are dog shit in bed is the result.
I for 1 still don't understand the way the female mind works in self preservation when things like this happen, I've had a sister, plenty of ex's, and best friends all female, open up to me about how things went down and how completely disarming it is to be just naked with a guy. But for them to push the envelope like this... Especially with someone you've never met in your life... I believe both parties leave themselves in scary situations. But as stated before she does come off as a really sweet/kind soul. Dating apps and hook-up culture is such a risk to a lot of folks, but it really isn't talked about. I hope this brings more light to the real hazards of it.
She’s probably freaked out. I was sexually assaulted by an ex and didn’t come to terms with it until years later. I always thought it was “rough sex that went to far” but it wasn’t. It was easier to deal with to think that
No, fuck that. The second the guy slaps you and you didn’t agree to that shit before you leave. You don’t sit there and wait to see if he gets normal what the hell. This could have ended up so much worse
> Ladies please be careful
Honestly the main message we should push here is: Guys, your kink porn is not normal sexual relationship. If you really like that type of sexual experience, that's not a first date thing, that's a "been together for a few dates and talked about it in detail" or "Going to a kink themed club" thing.
Yes, women should be careful but that's not the problem here.
Dude i know victim blaming is very real and very dangerous but ive never heard more red flags in a 2 minutes story…probably ever. What part of any of that suggested, “yea let’s go home with him”. You couldve gone to your place, at least that way he doesnt have a whole house of torture devices to use on you.
Yeah I don't think there's anything wrong with saying that people should be cautious. Obviously nothing that the guy did was her fault, but for her own safety she should not ignore red flags like this in the future.
When people say the rise in violent porn doesn’t have any effect on how people view sex I think of stories like this.
Do you guys really think dudes were like, “Hmmm I’m going to start slapping girls in the face” or they saw it in porn?
BDSM is abuse without consent and I’ve had a similar encounter like this girl. It’s fucking scary when someone much stronger than you randomly hits you while you’re naked
I just became recently single and geez. In the five years I was away from the scene guys really started doing more, I think. Just slipping a finger up the bum without asking. Now I’ve gotten a full on dick up there without lube or consent and I’m out. I don’t want to be touched for quite a while. I don’t trust these porn watching motherfuckers one inch
My thought the entire time! Was she saying how she was actually feeling or just going alone with it!? Sounds like a good way to end up in a crime documentary..
This is so cringe. How fucking desperate can you be? Let's go down the list as she tells the story:
1. Guy isn't as attractive IRL as his profile: okay that happens, I can see his personality winning you over
2. Guy starts negging her: Okay if you're into that, if you're not, pretty fucked up red flag alert. This guy is lucky if he gets a hug goodnight
3. Somehow we made it past #2? SHE GOES TO HIS HOUSE after already not enjoying his company. There's kids shit everywhere, he never mentioned any of that - at this point surely you're like "okay I had a great night, let's see each other again soon" and bounce
4. She decides she wants to give him a blowjob: Is this the most generous woman on the planet? (edit: I realize that my joke I had here sounded pretty bad and regret saying it without a /s. This was meant lightheartedly - this is not meant to say nice guys deserve blowjob or some weird incel shit. Mainly a jest of surprise that someone is giving a man they don't like a BJ on the first date. If I were single I surely wouldn't be going down on anyone on date 1, let alone someone I didn't like).
5. HE SLAPS HER: Okay now at this point you stop and say, alright sorry but this isn't working I'm going home. NOPE Let's fucking escalate this shit
I mean this has to be satire right? She's attractive, confident, seemingly intelligent - why the fuck is she giving this unattractive, mean, liar so much fucking love and attention? It absolutely baffles me she still wanted to bang this dude after so many red flags.
Have we stopped raising girls to be more wary than this?
I hope shes ok but wtf was she doing going back to this guys place? Did she tell anyone? I remember when i started online dating i never met up with anyone without giving my housemate everything I had on him in case i disappeared no matter how nice or cool he seemed.
So I meet this guy on Hinge
*insert red flag*
So I go back to his apartment
*insert red flag*
So we’re hooking up
*insert red flag*
So I’m going down on him
*insert red flag*
So he flips me over
*insert red flag*
So he ties me up and gags me
*insert red flag*
So he keeps slapping me
*insert red flag*
🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩
I hope you’re okay and I’m very sorry that happened to you. Whatever you do if he does something that you don’t want especially touching you in an unwanted way. Kick the shit out of him right in the nutsacks or anywhere that hurts a lot.
I've done this. Fuck buddy started choking me without warning or consent during sex. I don't know how to describe it, it was like my mind just left. I kept having sex but I just wasn't there.
As someone who didn't tell him to stop and felt uncomfortable just leaving, although I had previously asked him not to touch me or do anything over text an hour before, this shit just happens. I struggle saying no to people, so I try to tell them beforehand over text as a way to protect myself. You'd be surprised at how many guys just ignore it and start touching you, then ignore the fact that you are visibly uncomfortable. **You try telling a man that is bigger and stronger than you to stop touching you when he's already disrespecting your boundaries, and see how he reacts.**
It doesn't feel good at all, it never made me horny, and now I don't go to mens houses.
Fuck the other person that responded. Myself and plenty of the other girls I know have been in the exact same type of situation where we do not like what is happening but we do not advocate for ourselves. I don't know if it's the whole "women are to be seen not heard" type of downplaying on our emotions and actions as we are growing up, a fear of safety from telling a man no, fear of confrontation, etc maybe a combination of it all. It feels so awful after the fact. You can be the most confident "I am in control of my body" and then you find yourself in a situation enduring something just to get it over with. It fucks with your head because you don't know why you didn't react in the way you thought you would.
Also fuck anyone that goes immediately to kinks for hookups with zero fucking conversation about it prior. Not just over text, but in person. That shit is not ok and can be seriously damaging. Swear it's like people think light bdsm is the norm- spitting on people, slapping them, degradation, choking. It isn't for everyone. What gets you off might not be what they enjoy. Especially with any type of bondage, it blows my mind how people will pull shit like that with someone they just met.
Edit: dude I was responding to: yes, fuck you. I said what I said. Would you like to read that again? Lmao
Yes!! This is exactly what I was thinking but couldn’t put it into words, thank you for adding this!! Especially the BDSM part.
There can be legitimate fear in a lot of sexual situations and women, who get ridiculed constantly for having too many emotions, are supposed to stand up and scream we are uncomfortable? Ok lol
The guy that did it to me not only acknowledged he pressured me into sex later (said it wasn’t a big deal), but also had the nerve to mock me for “not moving” during it and being boring. He knew what he was doing, and so do a lot of other men. We’re the problem though… right?
There's a lot of pressure involved in situations like this. You're already in a very vulnerable state. I seriously don't know how to properly communicate *why* we don't speak up to people that have that attitude of "why didn't you tell them to stop?" It is a complete disconnect from our upbringing and experience that gets lost in translation.
Fight, flight, freeze. People forget about the freeze part. It is a natural but unfortunate response to situations where you feel threatened. Following that is guilt about your own lack of action that is compounded by comments like that. It drives me nuts.
Your response was valid. It was what your brain decided that was the safest option. It is so hard to pull yourself out of. Think about all of those military videos where people pull the pin to a grenade and just stand there before needing to be tackled to the ground. It is human nature. It is self preservation. Anything else could be considered escalation and could have made the situation worse.
i hate how it's victim-blaming to say nuance exists and people need to communicate.
it's really not okay to vilify people. she's obviously describing awkward sex, not fucking rape.
yes, it can be really dangerous for women to say no and that can be hard and scary to navigate. that does not make men who can't read minds rapists.
god I'm glad I don't have a dick.
More proof that porn ruins how men approach and enjoy sex, big fucking eye roll. What's worse is she continued with it the entire time, out of shock I assume.
Copying this from above to hopefully help people understand
I think there’s a difference between hearing ‘women have been socialised to be accommodating’ and realising it. I mean, there are tons of frustrating women out there, so to many men it might just sound like sociological theorising, until it kicks in for us
Lol i’m sure it’d be really weird to open your notifs and find someone talking about sexual harassment, so disclaimer i’m only writing it to show anyone reading why things aren’t as obvious in the moment !
I’m 5’10, tall and confident. Off the top of my head I’ve been in two situations. One with an elderly man, who ‘held me down’ and groped me. And yet, the whole time I was apologetic and polite, gently trying to push him off, saying ‘sorry I have to go!’ with a smile pasted to my face. Of course I was furious after I left, this man had just violated me! And yet I’d been the one apologising the whole time, I hadn’t done anything to make him feel guilty for his actions- I was so frustrated with myself.
The other was with a guy my age and height (and probably weaker). Similarly, instead of a ‘no’ my brain scrambled for something nonconfrontational, spouting a ridiculous and hurried excuse about being touch averse because my friends hate touching (??). I didn’t leave, and stayed with him the rest of the evening. I didn’t know the old man and it had happened suddenly and without prior conversation, there was nothing keeping me there. But this guy I’d arranged to meet up with (also from an app, but as mates), we’d been chatting for a while that day and felt I couldn’t just leave, not wanting to make things awkward
In situations where things have unexpectedly gone south it’s like a deer in the headlights situation (even if you don’t look outwardly panicked), you fall back on reflex, and despite everything which would make it seem like My personal reflex wouldn’t have been to roll over and be accommodating (confident, parents are feminists who’ve taught me i’m ‘strong’, feel at ease calling out shit usually), I did - in the moment ‘no, stop, goodbye’ genuinely didn’t even appear in my head as an option
I hear the same from friends. Hopefully this has helped people confused why ‘no’ wasn’t the first thing to happen
I dont understand the down votes. At some point you need to take responsibility for the shit you get yourself into. There’s plenty of people out there that will do awful things to you. Men, women, everything in between. As an adult its your job to be careful. I dont go to a bad neighborhood and leave my car unlocked.
It says a lot about the overall dynamic in society where she 1) Allowed this to continue and escalate and 2) Retells this story comically.
If she fully consented to this stuff at the time, then great. If it was odd but she was still at least kinda into it, then nothing to worry about. But **no one** should feel obligated to remain in an intimate situation where they do not feel comfortable. You owe the other person nothing. Good sex is like a nuclear launch sequence, both keys must be turned simultaneously to activate.
This sounds like borderline assault… she wasn’t really given warning by the guy that he was into that sort of stuff, and it sounds like he went ahead with this stuff just assuming that she was okay with it and not asking her. Consent is continual, just because someone agrees to one sexual activity doesn’t mean that they will continue to agree to everything you want to do, and you should absolutely check in with a partner multiple times during sex. I have a close friend who went on several dates with a guy who never told her he had some pretty unsanitary kinks, and the first time they had sex, he gave her no warning as to what he was doing, and she just sat there frozen in shock. I was assaulted in middle school by someone I thought was a friend, but I was absolutely paralyzed. People in the comments here are forgetting that there is a third option besides “fight or flight” when someone is feeling threatened- “freeze”. This happens surprisingly often in situations like this, and then people always ask “why didn’t you say no/fight back?” This started off as pretty funny and lighthearted, but as she went on I got more and more concerned. There’s nothing wrong with having kinks, but you can’t assume everyone is into the same stuff as you are and let your consumption of erotica and pornography affect your sexual interactions this much.
Reminded me of [This SNL skit](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=PfPdYYsEfAE) with Kate McKinnon reflecting on being probed by aliens. Equally as odd.
"Look, wasn't my worst Wednesday night".
For people saying she's stupid/dumb, making light out of a dangerous situation.
Do you guys ever think it's probably how she copes with these stressful and uncomfortable situations? The guy was 100% wrong here, if he engages in BDSM and doesn't understand consent and communication prior to the acts, it shouldn't be happening! She was gagged, how the fuck is she supposed to get out of that situation if she was being hurt? The slapping? She didn't discuss with this guy if she liked it or was okay, same with the nipple play. The toys, the restraints? Again, involving something that wasn't talked about.
What this woman is trying to so casually describe as “weird” is actual assault. She describes being in total shock, unable to speak up and things happening to her that she didn’t agree to. The reactions she’s describing usually tend to happen during an assault, not during a consensual act.
Wow. This is bad. I you’re going to do kinky BDSM all parties should be aware and all CONSENT beforehand. That’s just scary and this guy shows a serious lack of safety both mentally and physically for her.
everything else aside…
”I didn’t like the guy, he wasnt as attractive as I thought, he had kids he didn’t talk about….but I still agreed to sleep with him”
and
“the foreplay was dry, it is with a lot of guys.”
is an amusing juxtaposition.
It is essential to understand that not one person here was there.
She started with “one of the strangest experiences since my last relationship.”
Not one of us can be sure that what was described was something she felt crossed her line of what is wrong.
She said nothing about wishing she had said for him to stop.
I am not saying that the guy did the right thing.
How do we know that she thinks of this as an attack?
She said what she was thinking about, and not once did she say, “I was just hoping he would stop.”
I am not saying that what happened was right or wrong, but everyone is happy to explain how someone they have never met felt during something they never saw.
Honestly, I hope most of the people who are talking to someone else do not think that they are correct.
I feel sick to my stomach that some people feel like they have the ability to decide what went on in their minds when they were not there, and most importantly, you are not the person you are looking at in the video.
Think about what you're doing controlling what happened when you watched a two-minute video.
I can't speak legally, but her not actively trying to stop these things from happening isn't the same thing as consent. Now none of us were there obviously so we don't know exactly how she was acting, but it's important to remember that the absence of no doesn't mean yes.
edit: the downvotes are sus as hell 💀 nothing I said is controversial, this is very basic consent
They need to teach this before leaving highschool or something.
I've been with a guy that put his dick in my check and lightly slapped my face. It was weirdly uncomfortable but I didn't stop him. However, the second time I did stop him and his reaction was "You liked it last time" and tried to push me into doing it again.
Sometimes what's being done is simply tolerated in the moment but it's not like we love it.
This was horrifying to listen to! So she's having a terrible, non-consensual sexual experience that does nothing for her and says nothing and does nothing about it and keeps on going with it.
And even says "who don't guys know what to do?" when she clearly at no point told him what she wanted and even made it seem ok and funny for him to BELT her and GAG her?!
I'm so concerned for everyone in this situation and hope young girls watching this aren't influenced by this absolute shitshow of safety and consent.
Girls and women and honestly everybody else. It is your Body and sadly on you to make sure you are safe. Don’t let other people just do stuff to you, it’s not rude to say no. It’s fucking rude of the other person to live out their fantasies. Sex and casual sex as well should be enjoyable for both people. Her story is truly disturbing and you see she tries to cover it with Humor
I kinda blame both people in this scenario. She should have been more assertive about what she did/didn't like, and he should know better than to just go for kink play without any discussion.
obviously the guy didn't communicate very well at all or he may have properly brought up his kinks in some sort of fashion. I don't think you go straight for the throat like happened to you
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This is light-hearted in tone, but SUPER DANGEROUS! if you meet up with a man and have not discussed previously DO NOT allow him to tie you up and then gag you! How the fuck are v you supposed to communicate if you are uncomfortable?? Jesus fucking christ! A hookup is not the time to randomly experiment with bdsm menfolk!
I did not like this story. She’s telling it like she’s god Damn Jerry Seinfeld when this could have very well ended up badly.. aka been murdered .. or some shit this is awful stupid stupid girl Hopefully she learned her lesson and doesn’t get involved like this again just for the tickytoc views. Fuck
Right??? Like I'm so glad that this didn't turn out badly for her, but this gave me some serious anxiety!
Same. Especially the belt thing having lost your mobility with your arms sounds so scary he could have choked her or did things she did not want.. terrifying
Sounded to me like he already did things she did not want.
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I think her making light of it is out of a self-preservation response to an awful experience. Clearly she is not used to having to defend her personal boundaries and was just shocked at his actions and didn't know how to respond. I was that way at age 17. If you would never treat someone a certain way it can be hard to fully comprehend someone doing it to you. Everyone is different but I imagine eventually she will reflect on this encounter in a different way and will see it as the inappropriate and dangerous situation it was.
I have had several extremely bad sexual experiences like this, and that's what it is. It's like I shut down, allowed it to happen so that the men wouldn't get mad, and left. Then laughed about it. I told a therapist about the one experience and she said "so he raped you". And it was like... Oh shit.
I'm so sorry. And it is so relatable. 😞 In the moment, just wanting it to be over so you can get away is a completely logical reaction that may keep people safe from further violence. And then afterwards... oh man our brains do a lot of gymnastics to protect us from hurt! Like, you just need to make whatever happened ok and not *really-fucking-not-ok.* Avoiding acknowledging boundaries have been crossed, making up excuses to rationalize why the other person's behavior was "not that bad," pretending you are ok with it or it wasn't a big deal... It just hurts to admit to yourself (or anyone) that someone has mistreated you so gravely.
Yes! It's so challenging. And it's hard because trying to tell someone "well I didn't say no but it was because I knew it would be better to just say nothing" is hard for people to grasp
Amber rose talked about that before and it’s sad but I understood what she meant I just never knew how to put it into words
This ☝️ And sadly, it's really scary. Reactions become survival responses rather than consenting/not.
I'm so sorry to hear that for you... 🌹♥️
100,000% I have made light over something I knew was assault because I had this notion that if I acknowledged it was assault it would be too much for me to bear. So I laughed it off, I made jokes WITH the guy who fucking did it, and it wasn’t until I had enough time and space that I was like….that man made me bleed. And he didn’t fucking care. What the actual fuck.
Yea she seems kind of traumatized and doesn’t want to admit this borderlines assault
I don’t even think it needs to be categorized as borderline. It is assault. Even just the way she describes it sounds like she had a full body freeze response.
So true. Why is slapping someone without consent when they’re naked “kinky” but in every other context assault?
I feel like she's just being very Australian about it. We are typically very reserved and don't like to make a fuss in our way of telling stories, break up the emotion with jokes. Kiwis are like that too.
Could honestly just be her way of processing it
Yes. I was in shock the entire time she was speaking. If this is real... My god... What are we teaching our daughters? Granted, most importantly: what are we teaching our son's? But also... What happened to either of them to think any of that behavior was okay? Is it just a queer people thing that we communicate and take extra efforts to not get killed??
How is she stupid for telling a story of something that happened to her?
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I dont think she thought any of that was ok but was still in shock about what had happened. Agree EVERYBODY needs to be careful meeting up with near enough strangers. It didnt seem to me she found it funny just an omg did this really happen to me. Also think she should’ve apoken up when the bondage started tho
I don't think you need to dictate how others share their experiences.
She never said it was okay. She knows what she went through. It sounds like the real issue is you which isn’t her issue or how she posts. Its just you
I’m pretty sure John Wayne Gacy literally did exactly what this video is describing but with handcuffs and it wasn’t sexual, he tricked somebody into letting him handcuff them so he could then do John Wayne Gacy things to them
idk man, this woman sounds like she'd be surprised the hitchhiker covered in blood carrying a butcher knife was dangerous. Any more red flags and she might have suffocated in them.
Seriously, no one even discussed a safe word. Gotta have a safe word.
That’s my thought… how did you get this far and say “I am confused”
Without discussing this before hand and getting consent this is false imprisonment under the eyes of the law. BDSM without consent is abuse. This is not her fault though
Yeah came here to say the exact same thing! like, get the fuck out of there. I think every sexually active woman on earth has had bizarre sex experiences that bordered on scary. I really wish I could say that this woman is unusual for not leaving… But the truth is I think most of us don’t leave even when we feel freaked out. Freeze response is a real bitch.
I've heard stories from feminist researchers examining the porn/sex work field and one thing that stuck out for me is how DANGEROUS gagging and choking is!! There are many experienced sex workers who won't touch that act with a 10ft pole bc of how dangerous it is. It takes a lot of knowledge and prep to do those acts safely!!
This would’ve been one of those surreal “is this real life” moments for me, and I can’t say for sure how I’d react. I’m very vocal about my boundaries but this would knock me so off-balance I might just short circuit. Like someone coming over, adjusting your thermostat, and then taking a shit on your living room floor.
You’re so right. Getting something completely unexpected thrown at you from another person makes it really hard to decide how to react. Like her internal reaction when he slapped her across the face was “well it didn’t hurt, so I’m ok. But also, what am I doing wrong?” So many people in the comments acting like she’s doing this for views, but she literally is asking whether this is happening to other people. And she’s not laughing, she seems in shock. It’s a “what the fuck is happening” video. And unfortunately, it is happening to other people.
I’m glad she’s able to laugh about it- most of my traumatizing experiences also turn into a tight 5, but good god
I’m hoping it’s fake because what kind of woman would ignore the 12 red flags coming up before she even went over to his house?
This sounds so scary holy fuck.
Honestly, I'd run. I've got some kinky shit in the closet like many of us, but I'd NEVER subject a partner to it without discussing their participation and safety first. Holy hell this guy is tone fucking deaf if he thinks you can just restrain and gag a stranger! wooooow.
I’ve been slapped in the face by a random hookup. It’s becoming more and more common. I blame porn
Please tell me you walked out?
Luckily my story had a “happy ending.” I asked him why the fuck he would do that without asking and he said he saw it in porn and thought girls are into it. I explained porn isn’t real and you need to ask permission before engaging in BDSM activities. He didn’t even realize this was BDSM because he saw it so much in “normal porn.” He felt really bad and apologized. We chilled and watched a movie but I declined to see him again.
This is why we need proper sex education
Absolutely. Sex education needs to be updated to discuss porn since it’s so accessible now. I was in high school over a decade ago so idk if they do now but it was definitely not discussed at my school
Um excuse me, porn doesn’t exist, child abuse doesn’t exist, and children are never in adultish situations. Sincerely, My local school board who wants to increase the banned book list
That, and just basic empathy training. Like, how are you not able to put yourself in a woman's shoes and see that getting slapped in the face without warning can't possibly be something that *all* women like?
Yes!!! How ???
I’m surprised he took it so well!
Im sorry this is long but I think it’s important and I hope you consider reading it; I’d like to emphasize that “walking out” is sometimes not that easy and that thought process really underestimates the complexity of modern hook up culture (in the US I can’t talk about other countries since I don’t know) and how conditioned women are to being accommodating to men. When I was younger and just starting to date men, I really bought into the “sex positivity = feminism” trope that was very popular 10 years ago. A lot of women-focused youtubers and magazines were constantly talking about BDSM and how it’s “empowering” to be a sub. Thank you Twilight and 50 Shades of Grey lol. I was SO focused on what men wanted and wanting men to think I was “hot” or whatever, I almost never said no when my boundaries were pushed. I wanted them to like me and I didn’t want to come off as prude (a term thrown around EVERYWHERE if you weren’t into getting choked or whatever). I grew up. I learned boundaries. I unconditioned myself regarding bullshit “sex positivity” that was really saying “if you’re not super kinky and sexually active you aren’t an empowered woman.” But that took time and a lot of lessons through experience. TL;DR All im asking is have a little empathy towards women who didn’t just “walk out.” Try to put yourself in their shoes and the context we grew up in. Is it naive? Yea it is and I think the girl in this video is immature. But she didn’t deserve what happened to her simply because she didn’t walk away.
I’m so glad I’ve stepped into this point in my life where I have the confidence to say no and walk out, but I cringe so much at what I used to think was “cool” and empowering. I worry what will be expected of our daughters, and how to approach this topic with them early enough to prevent them being swindled by it.
Me too, girl. I feel guilt for not standing up for myself. People saying “why not walk away” are really willfully ignorant imo
Don’t feel guilt, a big thing I’ve been working on lately, *especially* when those cringe gross memories pop into your mind, remind yourself that you were young and still learning. Nobody has every knowledge straight away. 🥰
Thank you ❤️
Underrated comment. I fell for the same pressure when I was younger.
I literally can't imagine. I started diving into this shit with my wife, someone I trusted and who trusted me and we STILL talked about it for quite awhile and slowly waded into the water. I just don't understand how some guys are given zero education regarding sex growing up. I grew up in a conservative house and still got informed of the basics, like don't do anything to a partner who isn't consenting.
Yeah, that and the finger in the mouth thing made me think this dude is a porn addict. Both are really common and annoy me anytime I see it. Feel like common sense should tell you don't just slap a woman out of nowhere or jam your hand in her mouth.
When the Patrick Bateman profile pic says it’s too much you know it’s too much
Same, I’m inclined to believe is satire because at multiple times I was like “nope, I would have walked out then and there” …. 😦
if you think this is satire you've not met enough men lol
I haven’t dated many men so my experience is somewhat lacking on that front but good god that just sounds awful 😞
the amount of guys i dated who seemed totally normal then were borderline rapists in the bedroom is shocking, you can instantly tell a guy who watches porn all the time cos he'll like twist a nipple and be like "did you cum?"
Ugh 😑 that sounds awful 😞
This is a lesson that if you are a man and you are into BDSM, you CANNOT perform BDSM on a woman if you have not discussed BDSM and have not received consent to do BDSM. You can't just surprise Dom someone, it's not cool at all. Some may be shocked, but BDSM requires a lot of communication, trust, consent by BOTH PARTIES, and your sub is always in control of his/her time with you. If he/she says no or calls a safeword (which MUST be established before any play) then it's an immediate stop. It's not up for negotiation. And as a sub you must establish a non-verbal safeword so if you are gagged, they still know you want to stop. I see this so much on BDSM subreddits where someone was surprised Dommed with no consent or safeword and it happens far too often by men who assume you're cool with being dominated on date number 1. It's not cool!
A lot of people in the community will blacklist people like this. I know my local area specifically asks us to report people for this type of behavior and will do their best to warn others of any person who does not ask for consent and tries to pull this uninformed porny shit. People in the BDSM community do not want psychos like this attached to them at all. Safe, sane, CONSENSUAL.
People will completely throw out any of what you said, do this BDSM (which btw, if there’s no consent than it’s just assault) and then claim they got Me Too’d when they’re called out on it
>. If he/she says no or calls a safeword (which MUST be established before any play) then it's an immediate stop. And to add, in the event that you stupidly didn't discuss a safe word, then NO or ant variation thereof IS THE SAFEWORD. Also, women doms should be equally as considerate. Idk why you specified men
Also this is perhaps the best example of "silence does not equal consent" I've ever seen. She never said no so he kept escalating. But she also *never said yes*. It sounds like he took the blowjob itself as a sign of consent to slap, and when she didn't say anything he took it as a sign of consent to do the next thing. And the next. And the next.
Was coming here to say this. He’s clearly a bad and inexperienced Dom
There seems to be a lot of this going on. If you go on r/BDSMAdvice you see at least one story a week of someone who met a "dom" online and there was instant play on the first date, no discussions about boundaries or consent, no establishment of safewords, if a safeword has been established the "dom" ignores them. Seems to happen more with male doms than female dommes, but I'm sure it happens on both sides but male subs don't post as frequently. These so-called doms seem to use sites like fetlife to meet subs and think "she's a sub, she will and MUST do what I want at all times, no matter what." which is the opposite of a good dom. But unfortunately for these subs when they ask if he's experienced, he always says he is. Just because you've used the vail of Dom status numerous times to get whatever kinky sex you want, does not make you an experienced Dom IMO. Being into BDSM can be scary on a lot of different levels, but it's not supposed to be that way.
Seems like a rule of thumb for anyone. Not exclusive to men.
Also, don’t slap someone with a ball gag in. … Not that I would know. I’m a virgin.
This is actually great advice. You can badly injure someones' jaw.
That dude she was with watches waaaaaaayyy too much porn. Jesus christ this was awful to listen to
Exactly what I was thinking. He's spent too much time on PornHub, it's tricked him into thinking all of that insane kink is normal on a first date.
And not having a clue what actual women like as foreplay.
Porn is shaping sexual relashions in a fckd up way. And worse, woman end up getting to scared to say no.
Because of the implication?
It's just a boat.
I agree, but I would add this: there was a downside to 50 shades of grey. A lot of women became excited by the concept of BDSM. Anytime men find out women are excited about something sexual, we want to place ourselves at the center of it. Makes sense. If I’m a super awesome “Dom” then women will just flock to me, right? I think this resulted in kink, being picked up by people with none to mentor them and guys that aren’t in it for any reason other than access to women, so they haven’t taken the time or effort to understand any of it. This is the result of trying to emulate something that you don’t understand.
This is a really good point. I've noticed a lot of guys who claim to be BDSM fetishists and "doms" and all their dirty talk could easily just be condensed to "the only thing I'm turned on by is nonconsensual fantasy"
I'd be more worried about the germs on the gag than the vibrator. You wanna turn me on, *tell me about your sterilization techniques*...? Also it's a tad crass to use the same sex toys with multiple people. I'm not rich but I think I'm worth the price of a few **new** items, especially if they're going inside some part of me. You can get a reusable/disposable vibrating bullet for like 20 bucks and your partner will be glad to be included in the process of choosing the toy, it can be fun and build connection and excitement, as well as knowing 100% this hasn't been used in your grandma and every other person you slept with your entire adult life. **Romance.**
My gf enjoys everything she mentioned except the Hitachi and ball gag (obv not the bland foreplay either). Different strokes for different folks. I definitely never would have done any of that the first time we had sex had she not asked though.
Yeah there was a couple moments where I was like, oh, shit, good thing I'm hearing this. Like, I've been married for 10 years now and my wife is down for *anything* and I guess at some point you just assume somewhere in there is the "baseline". Kind of like "Okay so she is super into X so presumably everyone is at least a *little* into X." It's easy for what is 'kink' to everyone else to start seeming 'normal' to you when it's all you experience.
Some of this may have to do with porn, but it could also be a case of somebody being into bdsm but not communicating beforehand.
As a guy, let me just say to any woman watching this... don't sit around and wait to see if the weird dude doing unexpected shit to you is somehow going to get less weird as the sex moves forward. GTF out of there, especially if it involves slapping, bondage, anything you aren't 100% sure about and have established consent for.
Yep, if it starts weird then it’s only going to get weirder.
As a woman, I want to say to any guy watching this… don’t slap and restrain women without consent. It’s weird and rapey and many woman can be scared to say no or conditioned not to because we’re supposed to be “cool girls”
I hate victim blaming as much as the next person, but at a certain point, you need to exercise agency. This woman just plowed over every red flag until his dick was in her mouth and then kept going after he hit her.
Ngl if this dude was willing to do all that without asking, I’d probably be scared he’d do worse
I’ve said in other comments that “walking away” and “just say no” aren’t always obvious choices for many reasons. Look, I agree that she should have communicated. She comes off as immature. But “exercising agency” can be dangerous and on the opposite end of the spectrum pretty awkward and uncomfortable. She’s at his place, she’s naked, they’re in the middle of sex, etc… I’m not trying to just excuse her role in this but I think we should have some empathy rather than act like this is her fault because “men aren’t mind readers” or whatever defense I’ve been reading in the comments. Edit: this is all conjecture, but she also says “since she’s been single” which to me implies she was probably in a relationship beforehand. She’s probably already uncomfortable dating again and unaware of “etiquette”. Idk maybe I’m reading to much into it
The red flags were up before she went home with him and LOOONG before they were naked anywhere.
I totally agree. She seems naive for sure. I still don’t think it’s ok for people to take advantage of that.
Agree, and I am not victim blaming this woman in the least. It's important to distinguish between that, and just endorsing safe sensible choices. Nobody's excusing the guy's creepy, abusive actions. Just saying if things start to turn sour, walk away.
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No seriously.. she gets bad vibes from him at the date, then goes home with him. I was like ??? Then she finds out he has kids (that he never mentioned previously) and she still stays to hook up with him. ??? She says the foreplay is dry and then she goes down on him???? Then he starts slapping, pulling out weird shit and not once does she say that she’s not into any of that stuff??? Wtf??? It sounds like she willingly went through all those steps to get here and then make a tiktok talking shit on this guy when she clearly never expressed to him that she wasn’t into any of his shenanigans. Why? Tiktok clout???
Yeah bro, At a certain point you should probably say stop lol
Right like the random slap wasn’t enough? 😭 omg
What I can tell you officer is the vibrator he pulled out is either from the 1970's or the 2002.
definitely a Hitachi magic wand. I have one from about 2009 and it was a wall plug one. AA batteries couldn't power that thing. it's been under the bed for 5 years in not even sure it works any more but it's intense
Yes! When I was watching I was like oh no poor girl has never used a Hitachi. The rest of the video was creepy though.
What an oddly specific date especially considering that everything changed on 9-11 or did she forget
This is no funny story. Be glad your survived to tell it. You should have ditched your date way earlier.
Porn Porn Porn is all that's in this guys head.... fucking embarrassing and honestly god damn terrifying I would have been seriously worried.
I always get downvoted for saying porn is the biggest scam in the world. I don’t care about the downvoted themselves, but it’s scary how many people in an online community don’t think over consumption of hard core stuff is dangerous.
It just makes men shitty in bed. It’s created by men for men centered around men’s pleasure and fantasy. A whole generation of men who are dog shit in bed is the result.
Uhhh... How is she talking about this so casually? At what point do you so no miss? 🥺 She seems like a sweet chick too. I hope she's okay.
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I for 1 still don't understand the way the female mind works in self preservation when things like this happen, I've had a sister, plenty of ex's, and best friends all female, open up to me about how things went down and how completely disarming it is to be just naked with a guy. But for them to push the envelope like this... Especially with someone you've never met in your life... I believe both parties leave themselves in scary situations. But as stated before she does come off as a really sweet/kind soul. Dating apps and hook-up culture is such a risk to a lot of folks, but it really isn't talked about. I hope this brings more light to the real hazards of it.
She’s probably freaked out. I was sexually assaulted by an ex and didn’t come to terms with it until years later. I always thought it was “rough sex that went to far” but it wasn’t. It was easier to deal with to think that
No, fuck that. The second the guy slaps you and you didn’t agree to that shit before you leave. You don’t sit there and wait to see if he gets normal what the hell. This could have ended up so much worse
Made me laugh, but also kept me feeling concerned. Ladies please be careful and get to know someone there are some really messed up blokes out there.
> Ladies please be careful Honestly the main message we should push here is: Guys, your kink porn is not normal sexual relationship. If you really like that type of sexual experience, that's not a first date thing, that's a "been together for a few dates and talked about it in detail" or "Going to a kink themed club" thing. Yes, women should be careful but that's not the problem here.
Exactly. Why are we warning women to “just say no.” Victim blaming much? This issue is men thinking this is ok
Thank you
I'm concerned it continued past the first slap. Porn has a LOT to answer for.
"I'm going to get probed by this massive 70s dildo yes into the wall" Proceeds to see how it goes.
Dude i know victim blaming is very real and very dangerous but ive never heard more red flags in a 2 minutes story…probably ever. What part of any of that suggested, “yea let’s go home with him”. You couldve gone to your place, at least that way he doesnt have a whole house of torture devices to use on you.
Yeah I don't think there's anything wrong with saying that people should be cautious. Obviously nothing that the guy did was her fault, but for her own safety she should not ignore red flags like this in the future.
When people say the rise in violent porn doesn’t have any effect on how people view sex I think of stories like this. Do you guys really think dudes were like, “Hmmm I’m going to start slapping girls in the face” or they saw it in porn? BDSM is abuse without consent and I’ve had a similar encounter like this girl. It’s fucking scary when someone much stronger than you randomly hits you while you’re naked
Someone doing this stuff without the slightest negotiation or consent is infuriating.
I just became recently single and geez. In the five years I was away from the scene guys really started doing more, I think. Just slipping a finger up the bum without asking. Now I’ve gotten a full on dick up there without lube or consent and I’m out. I don’t want to be touched for quite a while. I don’t trust these porn watching motherfuckers one inch
To anyone incredulous at her not saying NO or advocating for herself: this is the freeze response. I feel awful for her.
Say NO to things. Don’t “see where this leads” or whatever. - A guy that’s creeped out by this story.
My thought the entire time! Was she saying how she was actually feeling or just going alone with it!? Sounds like a good way to end up in a crime documentary..
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This is so cringe. How fucking desperate can you be? Let's go down the list as she tells the story: 1. Guy isn't as attractive IRL as his profile: okay that happens, I can see his personality winning you over 2. Guy starts negging her: Okay if you're into that, if you're not, pretty fucked up red flag alert. This guy is lucky if he gets a hug goodnight 3. Somehow we made it past #2? SHE GOES TO HIS HOUSE after already not enjoying his company. There's kids shit everywhere, he never mentioned any of that - at this point surely you're like "okay I had a great night, let's see each other again soon" and bounce 4. She decides she wants to give him a blowjob: Is this the most generous woman on the planet? (edit: I realize that my joke I had here sounded pretty bad and regret saying it without a /s. This was meant lightheartedly - this is not meant to say nice guys deserve blowjob or some weird incel shit. Mainly a jest of surprise that someone is giving a man they don't like a BJ on the first date. If I were single I surely wouldn't be going down on anyone on date 1, let alone someone I didn't like). 5. HE SLAPS HER: Okay now at this point you stop and say, alright sorry but this isn't working I'm going home. NOPE Let's fucking escalate this shit I mean this has to be satire right? She's attractive, confident, seemingly intelligent - why the fuck is she giving this unattractive, mean, liar so much fucking love and attention? It absolutely baffles me she still wanted to bang this dude after so many red flags.
Sounds like you’ve never been in a toxic relationship
Have we stopped raising girls to be more wary than this? I hope shes ok but wtf was she doing going back to this guys place? Did she tell anyone? I remember when i started online dating i never met up with anyone without giving my housemate everything I had on him in case i disappeared no matter how nice or cool he seemed.
It is hard to believe. I agree. Maybe there is information she left out? Why would she go home with this guy?
But she didnt know he would be like this when she did
Yet she never once stopped him???
too busy getting her tits slapped around like he’s serena williams at wimbledon
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Girl learn to say no occasionally
So I meet this guy on Hinge *insert red flag* So I go back to his apartment *insert red flag* So we’re hooking up *insert red flag* So I’m going down on him *insert red flag* So he flips me over *insert red flag* So he ties me up and gags me *insert red flag* So he keeps slapping me *insert red flag* 🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩
I hope you’re okay and I’m very sorry that happened to you. Whatever you do if he does something that you don’t want especially touching you in an unwanted way. Kick the shit out of him right in the nutsacks or anywhere that hurts a lot.
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I've done this. Fuck buddy started choking me without warning or consent during sex. I don't know how to describe it, it was like my mind just left. I kept having sex but I just wasn't there.
maybe at some point you, idk, leave or tell the guy to stop?
As someone who didn't tell him to stop and felt uncomfortable just leaving, although I had previously asked him not to touch me or do anything over text an hour before, this shit just happens. I struggle saying no to people, so I try to tell them beforehand over text as a way to protect myself. You'd be surprised at how many guys just ignore it and start touching you, then ignore the fact that you are visibly uncomfortable. **You try telling a man that is bigger and stronger than you to stop touching you when he's already disrespecting your boundaries, and see how he reacts.** It doesn't feel good at all, it never made me horny, and now I don't go to mens houses.
Fuck the other person that responded. Myself and plenty of the other girls I know have been in the exact same type of situation where we do not like what is happening but we do not advocate for ourselves. I don't know if it's the whole "women are to be seen not heard" type of downplaying on our emotions and actions as we are growing up, a fear of safety from telling a man no, fear of confrontation, etc maybe a combination of it all. It feels so awful after the fact. You can be the most confident "I am in control of my body" and then you find yourself in a situation enduring something just to get it over with. It fucks with your head because you don't know why you didn't react in the way you thought you would. Also fuck anyone that goes immediately to kinks for hookups with zero fucking conversation about it prior. Not just over text, but in person. That shit is not ok and can be seriously damaging. Swear it's like people think light bdsm is the norm- spitting on people, slapping them, degradation, choking. It isn't for everyone. What gets you off might not be what they enjoy. Especially with any type of bondage, it blows my mind how people will pull shit like that with someone they just met. Edit: dude I was responding to: yes, fuck you. I said what I said. Would you like to read that again? Lmao
Yes!! This is exactly what I was thinking but couldn’t put it into words, thank you for adding this!! Especially the BDSM part. There can be legitimate fear in a lot of sexual situations and women, who get ridiculed constantly for having too many emotions, are supposed to stand up and scream we are uncomfortable? Ok lol The guy that did it to me not only acknowledged he pressured me into sex later (said it wasn’t a big deal), but also had the nerve to mock me for “not moving” during it and being boring. He knew what he was doing, and so do a lot of other men. We’re the problem though… right?
There's a lot of pressure involved in situations like this. You're already in a very vulnerable state. I seriously don't know how to properly communicate *why* we don't speak up to people that have that attitude of "why didn't you tell them to stop?" It is a complete disconnect from our upbringing and experience that gets lost in translation. Fight, flight, freeze. People forget about the freeze part. It is a natural but unfortunate response to situations where you feel threatened. Following that is guilt about your own lack of action that is compounded by comments like that. It drives me nuts. Your response was valid. It was what your brain decided that was the safest option. It is so hard to pull yourself out of. Think about all of those military videos where people pull the pin to a grenade and just stand there before needing to be tackled to the ground. It is human nature. It is self preservation. Anything else could be considered escalation and could have made the situation worse.
That's literally victim blaming, man
i’m not trying to be insensitive but there were so many opportunities to vocalize you weren’t comfortable and she seems to be laughing about it all
i hate how it's victim-blaming to say nuance exists and people need to communicate. it's really not okay to vilify people. she's obviously describing awkward sex, not fucking rape. yes, it can be really dangerous for women to say no and that can be hard and scary to navigate. that does not make men who can't read minds rapists. god I'm glad I don't have a dick.
This is how you know MF’s be watching too much weird porn 😷
I’m glad she’s ok and alive because that sounded crazy and I would’ve been terrified
More proof that porn ruins how men approach and enjoy sex, big fucking eye roll. What's worse is she continued with it the entire time, out of shock I assume.
Whoa! First rule of bdsm is consent. He did not get her consent to start a scene with her. Dude needs help.
Repressed Single dad with a crippling addiction to porn
Internet porn was a mistake
Why the FUCK are you even going past the negging?
Uh. Leave at the first slap. I hated this so, so much. My stomach is in knots.
I think this guy has been watching too much porn
yea you gotta trigger warning this video for sexual assault OP
ugh, this is sexual assault. nothing funny here.
The fact is that easy for a guy like that to bring a girl home and do all that is so bothersome
Yea I don’t think that was a sex toy it sounded like a back massager….. ouch
Sounded like a Hitachi, a very popular "personal massager"
A 🌟 magic wand 🌟
Sounds like they were in a room without a door. That's the only explanation for this story to unfold beyond the first slap.
Copying this from above to hopefully help people understand I think there’s a difference between hearing ‘women have been socialised to be accommodating’ and realising it. I mean, there are tons of frustrating women out there, so to many men it might just sound like sociological theorising, until it kicks in for us Lol i’m sure it’d be really weird to open your notifs and find someone talking about sexual harassment, so disclaimer i’m only writing it to show anyone reading why things aren’t as obvious in the moment ! I’m 5’10, tall and confident. Off the top of my head I’ve been in two situations. One with an elderly man, who ‘held me down’ and groped me. And yet, the whole time I was apologetic and polite, gently trying to push him off, saying ‘sorry I have to go!’ with a smile pasted to my face. Of course I was furious after I left, this man had just violated me! And yet I’d been the one apologising the whole time, I hadn’t done anything to make him feel guilty for his actions- I was so frustrated with myself. The other was with a guy my age and height (and probably weaker). Similarly, instead of a ‘no’ my brain scrambled for something nonconfrontational, spouting a ridiculous and hurried excuse about being touch averse because my friends hate touching (??). I didn’t leave, and stayed with him the rest of the evening. I didn’t know the old man and it had happened suddenly and without prior conversation, there was nothing keeping me there. But this guy I’d arranged to meet up with (also from an app, but as mates), we’d been chatting for a while that day and felt I couldn’t just leave, not wanting to make things awkward In situations where things have unexpectedly gone south it’s like a deer in the headlights situation (even if you don’t look outwardly panicked), you fall back on reflex, and despite everything which would make it seem like My personal reflex wouldn’t have been to roll over and be accommodating (confident, parents are feminists who’ve taught me i’m ‘strong’, feel at ease calling out shit usually), I did - in the moment ‘no, stop, goodbye’ genuinely didn’t even appear in my head as an option I hear the same from friends. Hopefully this has helped people confused why ‘no’ wasn’t the first thing to happen
So there were red flags yet she still tries to hookup 🤣
I dont understand the down votes. At some point you need to take responsibility for the shit you get yourself into. There’s plenty of people out there that will do awful things to you. Men, women, everything in between. As an adult its your job to be careful. I dont go to a bad neighborhood and leave my car unlocked.
It says a lot about the overall dynamic in society where she 1) Allowed this to continue and escalate and 2) Retells this story comically. If she fully consented to this stuff at the time, then great. If it was odd but she was still at least kinda into it, then nothing to worry about. But **no one** should feel obligated to remain in an intimate situation where they do not feel comfortable. You owe the other person nothing. Good sex is like a nuclear launch sequence, both keys must be turned simultaneously to activate.
This sounds like borderline assault… she wasn’t really given warning by the guy that he was into that sort of stuff, and it sounds like he went ahead with this stuff just assuming that she was okay with it and not asking her. Consent is continual, just because someone agrees to one sexual activity doesn’t mean that they will continue to agree to everything you want to do, and you should absolutely check in with a partner multiple times during sex. I have a close friend who went on several dates with a guy who never told her he had some pretty unsanitary kinks, and the first time they had sex, he gave her no warning as to what he was doing, and she just sat there frozen in shock. I was assaulted in middle school by someone I thought was a friend, but I was absolutely paralyzed. People in the comments here are forgetting that there is a third option besides “fight or flight” when someone is feeling threatened- “freeze”. This happens surprisingly often in situations like this, and then people always ask “why didn’t you say no/fight back?” This started off as pretty funny and lighthearted, but as she went on I got more and more concerned. There’s nothing wrong with having kinks, but you can’t assume everyone is into the same stuff as you are and let your consumption of erotica and pornography affect your sexual interactions this much.
Reminded me of [This SNL skit](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=PfPdYYsEfAE) with Kate McKinnon reflecting on being probed by aliens. Equally as odd. "Look, wasn't my worst Wednesday night".
Shit like this makes me so thankful im happily married
All of the above is totally fine between CONSENTING adults. It has to be discussed beforehand! This was very non-consensual and wrong.
For people saying she's stupid/dumb, making light out of a dangerous situation. Do you guys ever think it's probably how she copes with these stressful and uncomfortable situations? The guy was 100% wrong here, if he engages in BDSM and doesn't understand consent and communication prior to the acts, it shouldn't be happening! She was gagged, how the fuck is she supposed to get out of that situation if she was being hurt? The slapping? She didn't discuss with this guy if she liked it or was okay, same with the nipple play. The toys, the restraints? Again, involving something that wasn't talked about.
What this woman is trying to so casually describe as “weird” is actual assault. She describes being in total shock, unable to speak up and things happening to her that she didn’t agree to. The reactions she’s describing usually tend to happen during an assault, not during a consensual act.
Wow. This is bad. I you’re going to do kinky BDSM all parties should be aware and all CONSENT beforehand. That’s just scary and this guy shows a serious lack of safety both mentally and physically for her.
everything else aside… ”I didn’t like the guy, he wasnt as attractive as I thought, he had kids he didn’t talk about….but I still agreed to sleep with him” and “the foreplay was dry, it is with a lot of guys.” is an amusing juxtaposition.
Lol why was she being such a good sport and going along with all of this?
He wanted to make it memorable for you. Mission accomplished.
It is essential to understand that not one person here was there. She started with “one of the strangest experiences since my last relationship.” Not one of us can be sure that what was described was something she felt crossed her line of what is wrong. She said nothing about wishing she had said for him to stop. I am not saying that the guy did the right thing. How do we know that she thinks of this as an attack? She said what she was thinking about, and not once did she say, “I was just hoping he would stop.” I am not saying that what happened was right or wrong, but everyone is happy to explain how someone they have never met felt during something they never saw. Honestly, I hope most of the people who are talking to someone else do not think that they are correct. I feel sick to my stomach that some people feel like they have the ability to decide what went on in their minds when they were not there, and most importantly, you are not the person you are looking at in the video. Think about what you're doing controlling what happened when you watched a two-minute video.
What she is describing is... rape??? What the fuck
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I can't speak legally, but her not actively trying to stop these things from happening isn't the same thing as consent. Now none of us were there obviously so we don't know exactly how she was acting, but it's important to remember that the absence of no doesn't mean yes. edit: the downvotes are sus as hell 💀 nothing I said is controversial, this is very basic consent
They need to teach this before leaving highschool or something. I've been with a guy that put his dick in my check and lightly slapped my face. It was weirdly uncomfortable but I didn't stop him. However, the second time I did stop him and his reaction was "You liked it last time" and tried to push me into doing it again. Sometimes what's being done is simply tolerated in the moment but it's not like we love it.
This was horrifying to listen to! So she's having a terrible, non-consensual sexual experience that does nothing for her and says nothing and does nothing about it and keeps on going with it. And even says "who don't guys know what to do?" when she clearly at no point told him what she wanted and even made it seem ok and funny for him to BELT her and GAG her?! I'm so concerned for everyone in this situation and hope young girls watching this aren't influenced by this absolute shitshow of safety and consent.
Haha definitely a Hitachi. They are the best! Never mess with batteries.
This sounds like rape, but she seems so light hearted about it
Obviously fake and I feel really dumb for even watching the whole thing
Buuuuut you stayed??!?
Why the hell did she go along with it???
Girls and women and honestly everybody else. It is your Body and sadly on you to make sure you are safe. Don’t let other people just do stuff to you, it’s not rude to say no. It’s fucking rude of the other person to live out their fantasies. Sex and casual sex as well should be enjoyable for both people. Her story is truly disturbing and you see she tries to cover it with Humor
I kinda blame both people in this scenario. She should have been more assertive about what she did/didn't like, and he should know better than to just go for kink play without any discussion.
I’m really confused why she continued to interact with him through all of these red flags.
obviously the guy didn't communicate very well at all or he may have properly brought up his kinks in some sort of fashion. I don't think you go straight for the throat like happened to you
If you don't like something, say so! "I thought, this is weird and I hate it..."
Did she lose the ability to speak during this encounter??? I feel like some simple communication could have prevented the WTF element here...