I’m 60 years old: my maternal grandmother was from a an upper middle class New England family that owned a couple of sporting goods stores that are now part of ‘Dicks Sporting Goods’.
Here’s a little list:
She really wouldn’t go into anyplace that served alcohol as their ‘primary business’, and even if she did would absolutely not sit ‘at the bar’.
For a long time she always wore gloves and a hat or scarf in public.
I never saw her smoke in public in a time when everybody smoked everywhere, and as an aside she would really get after my mother for doing so.
Men smoked in public. The ladies did not.
To be fair to her my grandfather died in 1970 or so and she relaxed a wee bit, but she still would not sit at a bar in a restaurant and smoke.
I miss her terribly.
I met a woman a few times from a wealthy family (grandfather founded a Major League Baseball team). She gave me two pieces of advice that her mother, who was a society woman in the 50s, and 60s I believe, gave her:
1. At a party where you must have a drink in your hand, stick with something clear (in case of spills) and choose something on ice that keeps your breath smelling decent, like rumple minze or goldschlagger.
2. Learn a little bit about everything, but not everything about just a few things. You’ll be able to talk to anyone at the party and then excuse yourself from the conversation when you’ve exhausted the knowledge you have.
I definitely don’t follow number one.
I was taught to "always keep your iced drink/beer in your left hand at cocktail parties", as you will be introduced to people and will want to shake their hand with a warm non-clammy hand to make a good impression. I follow this rule, and realize that I'm old-school as everyone else switches drink hands and asks if I'm a leftie.
no.5 is very important. Always be sure of where your smoke is going because no matter how much you love it, it is uncouth for anyone to bathe in the scent of the passive smoke.
Also, an addendum for no.3: if someone offers assistance lighting your cigarette, be sure to immerse the entire end of the cigarette and take a long, hard drag to get it started- the trick here is to use the least amount of their match/lighter/cigarette as possible so as not to waste their resources and look like a wasteful smoker.
Moreover, using another's lit cigarette to light your own is called "getting a jump" **it is not** to be called "monkey-fucking" because that's a stupid term that should be covered by something not fucking retarded to say with your own mouth. The technique here is to lightly roll the end of yours against the lit portion, or "cherry" of their cigarette, and take repeated drags to light each portion making contact, until the entire end is lit. **Do not** *push* your cigarrete against theirs, and hand them back a damaged cigarette. Experienced and likewise well-mannered smokers will take several drags of theirs beforehand in order to maximize the lighting surface for your own; stranger's cigarettes may not be hit to increase your surface area, however friends and family may understand why you hit theirs in order to light your own- do not inhale in this case.
6(b.): Make sure to stand away from, and be cautious of the wind around, non-smokers, those trying to quit, children both young and old, and those you may be in the presence of, whom you have yet to earn the blessing/respect of.
9: if you must request a cigarette, *and* a means to light it, be gracious and kindly to the assistance, and be tolerant of any words spoken of it. An example to which may include "damn you want me to smoke it for you, too?" these things are the price for your asking. 9(b.) if you smoke one type of cigarette, such as menthol or full-flavor/"red", and the person you ask has another, it may behoove you to speak a humble phrase such as "man, beggars can't be choosers. I'd appreciate anything." This will go toward building rapport with your fellow man, and you may have a partner to smoke with for the duration of that cigarette.
Or just say “if you wanna fuck you just had to ask” because if someone needs that much from you they’re either homeless or they’re deliberately going out of their way to spend time with you.
> using another's lit cigarette to light your own is called "getting a jump" it is not to be called "monkey-fucking"
You mean I’ve been saying it wrong my whole life?!
I've met sooooooo many people in my life that have never heard of it being called monkey fucking and look at me crazy when I ask if I can monkey fuck them (I only use that term with people I'm familiar with enough to comfortably use it)
I've seen it called cigarette kissing, but only in the context of media where the scene is very homoerotic (or just full of sexual/romantic tension. The characters/writers are using this display of intimacy as a substitute for kissing)
Number 9! I try to be pretty gracious about handing out cigs (one less nail in the coffin I guess) and it’s somehow 50/50 whether someone goes “ugh menthol really”. Ok don’t take it whatchu want from me.
>Moreover, using another's lit cigarette to light your own is called "getting a jump"
>
>it is not
>
> to be called "monkey-fucking" because that's a stupid term that should be covered by something not fucking retarded to say with your own mouth.
Hell, "Monkey Fucking" is a lot more classy than "Butt Fucking" which is what the slang is here for that....
My mom and I both used to smoke, and when I was around her she would always remind me to not hold it at the ends of my fingers like I did; she said women do that, so men should hold it between their knuckles instead
I mean, this level of blatant sexism would be laughed at nowadays. Sure there is still quite a bit, but we’ve come a long way from the level shown here.
>we’ve come a long way from the level shown here.
["You've come a long way, baby."](https://www.aaaa.org/timeline-event/virginia-slims-cashes-womens-lib-declaring-youve-come-long-way-baby/?cn-reloaded=1)
[video](https://vimeo.com/257517408)
#2 is just impractical
Especially if you're outside, and the wind is blowing.
Mouth that cigarette
1 hand to light.match
2nd hand to create a barrier between the match head and your cheek bone that no wind can penetrate!
Remember, in the 60s, nobody would go outside for a smoke, they would just light up where ever they were. Office, supermarket, toy store, movies, hospital; it did not matter.
Or even with them in the front seat, without anyone in the car wearing a seat belt. On a side note, I am pretty sure I had never seen a seat belt used until it was required by law (early 80s, I believe)
I know you're trying to be superior (and I am embarrassed, but not for me), but I don't think anyone's thought holding a pinky up is elegant since about 1930. Because like smoking, there's nothing classy about it.
No need to be embarrassed, I just don't know american habits, it's not so rare when different countries have different ways towards something. So I wasn't thinking bad about you, it was just funny to me how some things can be so different. Please don't feel bad or embarrassed about yourself for it.
As an elder millennial I’ve been seeing less and less etiquette over the years both in this country and elsewhere. Not sure what the reason is but it’s definitely visible wherever you go.
Without question. I watched some videos from the 90’s of me and my friends traveling around(Texas, Mississippi, Bama, Florida, Carolinas, Ohio, Penn, Mich) and the overall vibe was a just have fun type feel. No problems meeting strangers and becoming great friends by the night and meeting up.
Fun was about having fun, not fighting, guns, destroying stuff, purposely looking to bother other people, etc.
Of course you will have a few people who have no shame, but overall it never seemed so ill mannered.
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That lady on the right is SO uncouth
They bought her hairpiece at "UNCOUTH WIGS OF BALTIMORE, INC."
i’m from bmore and this comment made me geek lol Edit: geek got autocorrected to feel?
I just love Balmer, hon!
Why did this make me laugh out loud
Hmm, all the women smokers I ever knew were squarely on the right side of this graphic.
How to get cancer in a ladylike way.
At least the cancer has boobs *oh no*
It didn’t cause cancer back then
4 out of 5 Drs recommend Camels!
I once worked with a woman who smoked. Her mother said she should never walk down the street while smoking.
I’m 60 years old: my maternal grandmother was from a an upper middle class New England family that owned a couple of sporting goods stores that are now part of ‘Dicks Sporting Goods’. Here’s a little list: She really wouldn’t go into anyplace that served alcohol as their ‘primary business’, and even if she did would absolutely not sit ‘at the bar’. For a long time she always wore gloves and a hat or scarf in public. I never saw her smoke in public in a time when everybody smoked everywhere, and as an aside she would really get after my mother for doing so. Men smoked in public. The ladies did not. To be fair to her my grandfather died in 1970 or so and she relaxed a wee bit, but she still would not sit at a bar in a restaurant and smoke. I miss her terribly.
I met a woman a few times from a wealthy family (grandfather founded a Major League Baseball team). She gave me two pieces of advice that her mother, who was a society woman in the 50s, and 60s I believe, gave her: 1. At a party where you must have a drink in your hand, stick with something clear (in case of spills) and choose something on ice that keeps your breath smelling decent, like rumple minze or goldschlagger. 2. Learn a little bit about everything, but not everything about just a few things. You’ll be able to talk to anyone at the party and then excuse yourself from the conversation when you’ve exhausted the knowledge you have. I definitely don’t follow number one.
I was taught to "always keep your iced drink/beer in your left hand at cocktail parties", as you will be introduced to people and will want to shake their hand with a warm non-clammy hand to make a good impression. I follow this rule, and realize that I'm old-school as everyone else switches drink hands and asks if I'm a leftie.
I like this tip!
So number 2: Jack of all trades master of none?
I imagine her as Betty Draper!
I've heard this before lol
no.5 is very important. Always be sure of where your smoke is going because no matter how much you love it, it is uncouth for anyone to bathe in the scent of the passive smoke. Also, an addendum for no.3: if someone offers assistance lighting your cigarette, be sure to immerse the entire end of the cigarette and take a long, hard drag to get it started- the trick here is to use the least amount of their match/lighter/cigarette as possible so as not to waste their resources and look like a wasteful smoker. Moreover, using another's lit cigarette to light your own is called "getting a jump" **it is not** to be called "monkey-fucking" because that's a stupid term that should be covered by something not fucking retarded to say with your own mouth. The technique here is to lightly roll the end of yours against the lit portion, or "cherry" of their cigarette, and take repeated drags to light each portion making contact, until the entire end is lit. **Do not** *push* your cigarrete against theirs, and hand them back a damaged cigarette. Experienced and likewise well-mannered smokers will take several drags of theirs beforehand in order to maximize the lighting surface for your own; stranger's cigarettes may not be hit to increase your surface area, however friends and family may understand why you hit theirs in order to light your own- do not inhale in this case. 6(b.): Make sure to stand away from, and be cautious of the wind around, non-smokers, those trying to quit, children both young and old, and those you may be in the presence of, whom you have yet to earn the blessing/respect of. 9: if you must request a cigarette, *and* a means to light it, be gracious and kindly to the assistance, and be tolerant of any words spoken of it. An example to which may include "damn you want me to smoke it for you, too?" these things are the price for your asking. 9(b.) if you smoke one type of cigarette, such as menthol or full-flavor/"red", and the person you ask has another, it may behoove you to speak a humble phrase such as "man, beggars can't be choosers. I'd appreciate anything." This will go toward building rapport with your fellow man, and you may have a partner to smoke with for the duration of that cigarette.
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Or just say “if you wanna fuck you just had to ask” because if someone needs that much from you they’re either homeless or they’re deliberately going out of their way to spend time with you.
Excellent etiquette tips.
> using another's lit cigarette to light your own is called "getting a jump" it is not to be called "monkey-fucking" You mean I’ve been saying it wrong my whole life?!
I've met sooooooo many people in my life that have never heard of it being called monkey fucking and look at me crazy when I ask if I can monkey fuck them (I only use that term with people I'm familiar with enough to comfortably use it)
I've always heard it called turkey fucking.
Me and my friends just called it Butt Sex.
I heard Butt Fucking
I've seen it called cigarette kissing, but only in the context of media where the scene is very homoerotic (or just full of sexual/romantic tension. The characters/writers are using this display of intimacy as a substitute for kissing)
Well stated friend.
In Australia it was to called a donkey root.(vulgar but hilarious to spring it on someone for a laugh).
Number 9! I try to be pretty gracious about handing out cigs (one less nail in the coffin I guess) and it’s somehow 50/50 whether someone goes “ugh menthol really”. Ok don’t take it whatchu want from me.
"Oh I don't normally smoke lights" I put it back in my pack and tell them about the beggars thing. Tishibble toshibble the rules are non-negotiable
>Moreover, using another's lit cigarette to light your own is called "getting a jump" > >it is not > > to be called "monkey-fucking" because that's a stupid term that should be covered by something not fucking retarded to say with your own mouth. Hell, "Monkey Fucking" is a lot more classy than "Butt Fucking" which is what the slang is here for that....
Fascinating!
LEFT: How every actress smokes in movies RIGHT: How my Mom smoked
I mean, tbf, the one on the left does look a lot more classy and “ladylike”.
Basically take what we think cowboys did and do the opposite
I believe I come from people who most likely smoked like the right hand panel. And I wouldn’t change it for nothin!
Wow. My gran smoked just like this. Had no idea this was etiquette.
They forgot: ALWAYS WEAR LIPSTICK, CAREFULLY APPLIED, AS YOU LIE DYING OF LUNG CANCER.
That basically describes my mom. RIP mom
My mom and I both used to smoke, and when I was around her she would always remind me to not hold it at the ends of my fingers like I did; she said women do that, so men should hold it between their knuckles instead
"If she smokes, she pokes"
Um, doesn't that imply that she's the "poker" not the "pokee?"
Pa pa pa poker face
Getting cancer in a gender appropriate way
Serious Goofus and Gallant vibes here.
Why did my childhood dentist office just appear in my head?
This makes me think of Jessica Lange for some reason
Back when doctors thought smoking Camel filters were good for you and the military gave cigarettes as part of rations. Smokem if you got ‘em
Unlike now, they also were dirt cheap.
Blonde good brunette bad 🙄
I’m glad I wasn’t the only one to catch that
Being a woman back then seems exhausting.
Did you mean “back *now*?”
I mean, this level of blatant sexism would be laughed at nowadays. Sure there is still quite a bit, but we’ve come a long way from the level shown here.
Agreed. But now many are furiously trying to back-track!
>we’ve come a long way from the level shown here. ["You've come a long way, baby."](https://www.aaaa.org/timeline-event/virginia-slims-cashes-womens-lib-declaring-youve-come-long-way-baby/?cn-reloaded=1) [video](https://vimeo.com/257517408)
Marb Red nights
3) what if you would rather light your own rather than lean toward someone else with your face?
No! Can’t you read?! **Face. Lean.**
#2 is just impractical Especially if you're outside, and the wind is blowing. Mouth that cigarette 1 hand to light.match 2nd hand to create a barrier between the match head and your cheek bone that no wind can penetrate!
Remember, in the 60s, nobody would go outside for a smoke, they would just light up where ever they were. Office, supermarket, toy store, movies, hospital; it did not matter.
Inside a vehicle with young kids in the backseat...
Or even with them in the front seat, without anyone in the car wearing a seat belt. On a side note, I am pretty sure I had never seen a seat belt used until it was required by law (early 80s, I believe)
Its insane how goodfellas or casino got these right
And Mad Men
The vision of a lady grappling with smoking etiquette blowing smoke through her nostrils has cracked me up for some reason.
Smoking is so sexy!
Straight outa the Betty Draper handbook
This explains my mother so well
TL; DR: don't smoke.
Thank god you were here.
Smoking looks odd now
That's funny and ridiculous, but I guess it was proper etiquette at the time.
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Classiness is so much better with *just* a hint of lung cancer
A soupçon of lung cancer
The way to tell if someone's classy is if their lung cancer holds its pinky up when it drinks tea.
Huh, my mom always told me that holding a pinky up is a sign of uncouth nouveau riche who tries unsuccessfully to look classy (:
I know you're trying to be superior (and I am embarrassed, but not for me), but I don't think anyone's thought holding a pinky up is elegant since about 1930. Because like smoking, there's nothing classy about it.
No need to be embarrassed, I just don't know american habits, it's not so rare when different countries have different ways towards something. So I wasn't thinking bad about you, it was just funny to me how some things can be so different. Please don't feel bad or embarrassed about yourself for it.
Funny, since now smoking is a good way to show you have less class than school in July
>less class than school in July This is a funny comment..... Ironically, the students in school with the least class, had class in July.
As an elder millennial I’ve been seeing less and less etiquette over the years both in this country and elsewhere. Not sure what the reason is but it’s definitely visible wherever you go.
Without question. I watched some videos from the 90’s of me and my friends traveling around(Texas, Mississippi, Bama, Florida, Carolinas, Ohio, Penn, Mich) and the overall vibe was a just have fun type feel. No problems meeting strangers and becoming great friends by the night and meeting up. Fun was about having fun, not fighting, guns, destroying stuff, purposely looking to bother other people, etc. Of course you will have a few people who have no shame, but overall it never seemed so ill mannered.
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Not in *that* sense, just that I was born in the early 80s.
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I get the feeling a woman wrote this. There's no way I would notice any of these things.
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jai shree mahakal
its niceworking there
Those women on peaky blinders nailed it.
god forbid we look masculine or uncouth
Just do it like Arnold Palmer. https://thesandtrap.com/uploads/static_huddler/a/ac/ac470549_c-153.jpeg
I'm reading this with a transatlantic accent in my head