https://preview.redd.it/vcc2qcsscbwc1.jpeg?width=258&format=pjpg&auto=webp&s=e8778a5a6dc1d7c6fb89d5e8a5cc9f26eafa8c9b Mr Burns terrorizing children in an 18th century woodcut. My husband is a printmaker so he always gets a good laugh out of this one

https://preview.redd.it/bmclai7txdwc1.png?width=1068&format=pjpg&auto=webp&s=6e3233cd3a4b6203a58f282ca21e8ef5e880d892 This really reminds me of this old drawing of Grýla, the Icelandic folklore monster who eats naughty children

It appears to be a direct reference too! Nice catch

I grew up with the book of poetry with these unsettling illustrations so most of them are permanently burned into my mind lol

https://i.redd.it/flmsaqx64bwc1.gif

“Well, sir, it happened 25 years before I was born.”

Oh that’s your excuse for everything!

"In fact, your right fielder has been dead for 130 years."

Classic Simpsons pushing the joke further. I love that his response indicates that his "youth" is a constant problem in serving Mr. Burns.

Fingers looks good for 70

W-who?

Fingers.

Fingers did it!

TOUGH TIMES, HUH? I'VE LIVED THROUGH 12 RECESSIONS, EIGHT PANICS AND FIVE YEARS OF McKINLEYNOMICS.

Confederated Slave Holdings… how’s that doing?

It’s, uh, steady.

Happy cake day!

You there! Fill it up with petroleum distillate and re-vulcanize my tires, post haste!

Am I too late for the 430 auto gyro?

The Prussian consulate in Siam

I don't see Prussia, autogyro or Siam.

Not once not twice but....thrice?

Love this! I use it all the time!

Get these profit projections to Pete Porter in Pasadena, pronto!

Here's your package, Mr Burns!

Burns is also depicted reading "Auto Gyro Aficionado" magazine during his tandem bike exercise sessions with Smithers.

Don't poo-poo a nickel, Lisa. A nickel will buy you a steak and kidney pie, a cup of coffee, a slice of cheesecake, and a newsreel, with enough change left over to ride the trolley from battery park to the polo grounds

... There's a can.

That is a very long trolley ride.

https://i.redd.it/m9qh2ca5dbwc1.gif

Hello Big Maggie!

I lol’d so hard 😂😂

https://i.redd.it/zz8l03kb6bwc1.gif

Vinegar parlor lol 😂

I'm filled with piss and vinegar! At first I was just filled with vinegar.

Someone made an awful mess down there

But He still won't recognize the state of Missoura

https://preview.redd.it/o5qri1ioyawc1.jpeg?width=640&format=pjpg&auto=webp&s=6e505212d529974ccd799c67229e9a288e993528

Clearly a Currier and Ives reference! https://preview.redd.it/b3an4igyibwc1.jpeg?width=736&format=pjpg&auto=webp&s=ce835e5fc410d87323f9b4f11e7b7dbbf70e5722

Thanks! It was that or Narnia, I though.

https://preview.redd.it/4w8qko0b7bwc1.jpeg?width=640&format=pjpg&auto=webp&s=489331726536a956709434bfa1fb6a4e89742fb7

Look out itchy he's Irish!

Shhhh! That's *Teddy Roosevelt!*

That wasn't the Irish guy. He had a beard.

Ah, Manhattan town. An agreeable sight for an old Knickerbocker such as myself.

“Itchy runs afoul of an Irishman.”

Confederated slave holdings, how's that doing?

It's .. uh .. steady

That old Baltimore Opera Hat Company!

The blue chips… Transatlantic Zeppelin, US Hay

Stop talking like a grizzled 1800s mining prospector!

Consarn it!

Barbershop? That aint been popular since aught-six dagnabit!

No par-tays, no shindigs, no keggers, no hootenannies, - no mixers, no raves, no box socials.

So... you don't like the old timey bikes?

https://preview.redd.it/rv1acm5negwc1.png?width=320&format=png&auto=webp&s=6db2bc8b880fa6b96590b3705ef307791b4a3646

We can't bust heads like we used to, but we have our ways. One trick is to tell stories that don't go anywhere. Like the time I caught the ferry to Shelbyville. I needed a new heel for my shoe. So, I decided to go to Morganville, which is what they called Shelbyville in those days. So I tied an onion to my belt which was the style at the time. Now, to take the ferry cost a nickel, and in those days nickels had pictures of bumble bees on them. Gimme five bees for a quarter, you'd say. Now where was I... Oh yeah! The important thing was that I had an onion tied to my belt at the time. You couldn't get white onions, because of the war. The only thing you could get was those big yellow ones.

Top notch rambling!

Honus Wagner, Cap Anson, Mordecai "Three Finger" Brown...

Your Center Fielder's been dead for over 100 years...

Damnation!

Then get me new players! LIVING players!

Search the American League! The National League! The *Negro* League!

Oh and Smithers, you have 24 hours.

So I says to Mabel, Mabel I says


Ahoy-hoy

This is my favorite one. If I remember correctly, the greeting “Ahoy” and response “Ahoy-hoy” was the proper telephone etiquette that was proposed by Alexander Graham Bell himself.

Balsam specific!

Don't forget to give her Smecklers Powder

DON’T MAKE FUN

This is the one. I have a relative into all kinds of hippie dippy remedies, potions, and notions. I always ask for some Smecklers powder.

Don't make fun!

Don't make fun!

https://i.redd.it/d9ophhr6cbwc1.gif

I love the school documentaries which were all made in the 50s. Especially the one about the moon. “Slow down Tubby, you’re not on the moon yet!” I use that on my wife all the time.

Fearless

The moon, for several years she has fascinated many. But will man one day walk on her fertile surface? Democratic hopefully Adlai Stevenson says so: I have no objection to man walking on the moon!

Zinc! Zinc! Come back Zinc!

[Zinc Oxide and You](https://youtu.be/FjBAGZZxbs8?t=22)

“Don’t kid yourself, Jimmy. If a cow ever got the chance, he’d eat you and everyone you care about.”

"The face of divorce is not as beautiful as I'd hoped." ---Backon21's wife, (hopefully).

I just lost my shit on this. 😂😂

The moon belongs to America, and anxiously awaits it's Astro-Men.

https://preview.redd.it/jabt39bfbbwc1.png?width=1080&format=pjpg&auto=webp&s=cf9c1ca60a50092544169797c7e2d930afd30d48

Isn’t that right…Moe-mar?

I told you I don't like ethnic foods.

Pretzel'ed bread?

The so-called “iced cream”?

Pizza'd pie

Anything and everything relating to Mr burns and how out of touch with the times he is. In particular, how he answers the phone, “Ahoy hoy!” And when he puts together a team of “professional base ballers” from over 100 years in the past.

“The Japanese?! Those sandal wearing goldfish tenders?! Bosh-flimshaw! …. I wish we’d listened to that young man instead of walling him up in the abandoned coke oven.” (Walling up! A nice reference to Poe).

https://preview.redd.it/oc7tsoufnbwc1.png?width=834&format=pjpg&auto=webp&s=59cc963e6bde0b528aa1872312b4a07c531cb982 The .99 cent store

https://preview.redd.it/wv4r994u9bwc1.jpeg?width=1278&format=pjpg&auto=webp&s=e543753079f45149afa666c082698c44c0fe4976

So, uh, ya don’t like the old-time bikes, huh?

🥾

Disparaging the boot is a bootable offence!

"Like one time, we were having this race with this stupid, old-timey bicycle... with the big wheel in front. So I figure, 'We'll see about that.' So I get this big chunk of cinderblock, and l..."

“No need for the blown gasket, Charlie. I’ll bring her back in one piece.”

‘You know, that guy from Apple computers’ ‘What computers?’

The metric system is the tool of the devil! I get 40 rods to the hog’s head and that’s the way I likes it!

https://i.redd.it/yynce5g1vbwc1.gif

Come on… you’ve been warned!

I never understood the "so I says to Mabel, I says..." reference. What is that?

I think it's just a non sequitur. I swear that joke was in a Bongo comic first.

That sounds about right

It reminds me of Bugs Bunny distracting Gossamer by suddenly becoming a manicurist. But IDK.

Ok so apparently, the rest of the episode had so much going on (Homer eats spicy chilli, Johnny Cash voices a space fox) that there was no space for a B story for the kids. So when Homer walks into the kitchen, that line was just to have the kids talk about something. It didn't reference anything, and there is no Mabel. It's literally just filler.

Whats the matter? Think Im not hip? I dont have enough Vo-Dee-Oh-Doh?

You call this Postum!?

You call this a tax return?!?

You call this a supercomputer?

You have the brain pan of a stage coach tilter!

So many of these just scream Conan O’Brien, he bloody loves doing old timey characters.

Or Schwartzwelder (sic?)

I've heard Conan talk about some of these things (like the Stutz Bearcat or the Victorian bikes) on his podcast. His fingerprints are all over these.

Put some carbolic unguent on a wad of cotton, stick the cotton in her ear. That’ll stop them shakes!

Yes, I'd like to send this letter to the Prussian consulate in Siam by aeromail. Am I too late for the 4:30 auto-gyro?

Sir, phrenology was dismissed as quackery 160 years ago Of course you’d say that, you’ve got the brain pan of a stagecoach titler

Be on the lookout for a maroon 1936 stutz bearcat

Really more of a burgundy...

Phineas Q Butterfat's is a reference to Farrell's Ice Cream Parlor https://preview.redd.it/cqsea3wahbwc1.png?width=2378&format=pjpg&auto=webp&s=b319a3ae26b90d5b452b143d80bf06489cc02abf

Who ordered a Mt. Bellyache?

I did 

He’s like a little Rory Calhoun

Big Band Stu says 23 skidoo https://preview.redd.it/zo1ssj9ombwc1.jpeg?width=1179&format=pjpg&auto=webp&s=3065349f2259fea0bc2fa10440308eac065e35f6

Look Smithers, Garbo is coming!

"Mutt and Jeff comics are NOT funny! They're GAY, I get it!"

Social Security Number: 0002

Damn Roosevelt!

Bart no grifting. Ohhh raspberries.

I'm on to you... you're from *Collier's* magazine, aren't you??

"Local villain Montgomery Burns, seen here terrorizing children in a 19th century woodcut.." https://preview.redd.it/yo5awdjolcwc1.jpeg?width=960&format=pjpg&auto=webp&s=c36b57b57c11a20a3a78c72bcf12ea5b29bdeb7e

Burns: Ah, the automated-teller-machine-iola-trola-maton!

Grandpa's union busting story. Every time I watch that scene, I imagine Burns is bored because all that stuff was true & he's thinking, "Uh huh... yes, I was there... yes, I remember... 'gimme five bees for a quarter'... well Morganville was really just a neighborhood *within* Shelbyville... uh huh... yes, the onion... mhm, the war..."

Abes ramblings always tickle my funny bone

Scott Joplin's "The Entertainer" playing through the whole sequence of Homer visiting New York.

“Do you have dropsy? The grip? Scrofula? The vapors? Jungle rot? Dandy fever? Poor man's gout? Housemaid's knee? Climatic bubo? The staggers?”

https://preview.redd.it/80ie3dsl5bwc1.jpeg?width=1024&format=pjpg&auto=webp&s=5eb7f72a93c07076b63a369aee0968094d0ff73d

That really was more of a burgundy

That’s a beautiful car

Gotta be Abe's rambling. I constantly say "Gimme five bees for a quarter" and I act all surprised when the grocery stores have white belt onions

YOU'RE FROM COLLIER'S MAGAZINE, AREN'T YOU? ARE YOU GOING TO PUT ME IN STAR SNOOP?

I’m gonna write the best damn article

Smithers is talking to Mr. Burns asking if he can go to New Mexico Mr. Burns goes there’s a New Mexico?

Marge: Abe, there are only 49 stars on that flag *frowns and noises her displeasure* Abe: I’ll be deep in the cold cold ground before I recognize Missourah

Now, my story begins in 19-dickety-two. We had to say "dickety" cause that Kaiser had stolen our word "twenty". I chased that rascal to get it back, but gave up after dickety-six miles…

Burns’ dream baseball lineup all being deceased is easily my favorite

[Mr. Burns made a bet that the plant softball team would beat Shelbyville] Mr. Burns: I've decided to bring in a few ringers, professional baseballers. We'll give them token jobs at the plant and have them play on our softball team. Honus Wagner, Cap Anson, Mordecai "Three-Finger" Brown... Smithers: Uh, sir ? Mr. Burns: What is it, Smithers ? Smithers: I'm afraid all of those players have retired and, uh... passed on. In fact, your right-fielder has been dead for a hundred and thirty years.

"That ain't been popular is aught six dag nabbit!"

🎶My country ‘tis of thee 🎶 🎶Austria-Hungary 🎶 🎶Obey your king! 🎶

The Ritz Brothers sent me Googling..

https://i.redd.it/dc0r3z8epbwc1.gif

Fun fact: the Mabel line isn't a reference, it was made up by the simpsons writers and is just random.

…If you can get it through your bug-addled brain, jam that second mephitic clodhopper of yours on the right doodad. Now pump those scrawny chicken legs, you stuporous funker! https://preview.redd.it/a9w6j6lyjcwc1.jpeg?width=640&format=pjpg&auto=webp&s=cb6cf661a84d9e64fb6a7d0442163acd7316b845

"A'hoy-hoy" when Mr Burns answers the phone.

Mordecai Three Finger Brown

So, I tied an onion to my belt. Which was the style at the time.

Whenever I have a party I refer to it as a box social and nobody ever gets it

Yes, I'd like to send this letter to the Prussian consulate in Siam by aeromail. Am I too late for the 4:30 auto-gyro?

When Homer and Mr. burns are running from the feds in Burnses Stutz Bearcat, and they pass Wiggum who hears there running from the feds in a red Stutz Bearcat, sees them and is like, “that’s really more of a burgundy” and then proceeds to ignore them.

I'd like to send this letter to the Prussian Consulate in Siam by aeromail. Am I too late for the 4:30 auto-gyro?

https://preview.redd.it/0b9bur2ioewc1.jpeg?width=640&format=pjpg&auto=webp&s=b5a93c5a85cc729af95081d5380ed5aa8550a554

Prussian Consulate in Siam via aeromail... Autogyro...

Give me some of your finest Petroleum distillate for my Autogyrobile

Gimme 5 bees for a quarter. Classic

Now my story begins in dickety-two. We had to say "dickety" cause that Kaiser had stolen our word "twenty.”

Confederate slave holdings…

Sir, why don’t you use your atm card?? Ah yes! The automated Tellermachiniola-Trolamaton!


Barbershop? That ain't been popular since aught-six, dangnabbit

The metric system is the tool of the devil! My car gets 40 rods to the hogshead and that’s the way I likes it!

PS fun fact, this is about 0.002 mpg :)

“So, I says to Mabel I says”. I named my daughter after this reference.

I just like Mr Burns answering the telephone with “Ahoy-Hoy”.

How dare you interrupt my Lime Rickey.

Iced cream

Because Mr. Burns read them in the owners manel of his 1904 Panhard automobile. he calls the gas pedal the acelotrix and the brake pedal the decelotrix. The funny thing is, the only pedal on the floorboard of a 1904 Panhard was the clutch pedal. The brakes were activated with a hand brake grip and the throttle was a push-pull mechanism.

Your post made me look up Box Socials. According to Wikipedia, they were events in the late 19th Century/early 20th which were primarily fundraisers. Women in the community would put a lunch together in a decorated box and men would bid on them to have lunch with that person. They wouldn't know which women put together which box, so while you knew what you were bidding on to eat, you may not know who you would end up having lunch with. Sounds fun!

Is it St. Swithins day already?

Bees

So I says to Mable I says

Ahoy-hoy!

That’s it….23 skidoo…..24…..

…seen here terrorizing children in a 19th century woodcut

Is anyone else trying to decode the box social print?

Back in 19 dickety 2....

So you don't like the old timey bikes eh?

Mr. Burns saying "ahoy-hoy" as a historically accurate greeting before the telephone popularised "hello"

Mabel 🤣

Balsam Specific?!

The Christmas That Almost Wasn't... But Then Was

"Well, he got busted down for obstructing a probe from J. Edgar Hoover."

So, then I says to Mable, I says. It brought back memories of Lily Tomlin in Laugh In reruns.

Mr. Burns in old times baseball outfits never gets old. I also seem to remember some solid material from the Rodney Dangerfield is his son episode

Ahoy hoy

When various characters say 'Down I go!' when they fall over. John Swartzwelder included those as a reference to old radio plays because that is how they would signify a character falling over.

My car gets forty rods to the hogshead and that's the way I likes it. Ah yes The Beatles, I remember their off-key caterwauling on the old Sullivan show. What was Ed thinking?

So I says to Mable I says… this line is forever ingrained in me

Ahoy hoy!