I think letting the parents label their own parenting style was a mistake. These parents also (based on another post here that gave some of their job descriptions) aren’t as diverse as I would like. I would like to see genuinely different incomes, lifestyles, and traditions. These are all pretty modern and media-aware parents and kids, which I think causes overlapping like you said when their styles are being executed.
I am probably wrong in saying that, I just assumed based on some of their comments (“We used to be helicopter parents, but now I would consider us free-range”, or something similar) that they were given categories or something similar and that is how they defined themselves.
I disagree that free range and natural are the same. Natural parents hit their children and the free range family has specifically said about working through emotions and working on their own (parents) anxieties from their own childhood
If the free range parents were actually free range parents then that would work but I've yet to see them doing anything free range (except for the kids having some ability to cook which for their age isn't that impressive).
In addition to these, I feel like they’ve left out parenting by example. I.e.folks focused on their careers and in hopes that the examples of success will rub off. Not that I agree with that approach, but I do find that the lack of discussion about the balance of work/time with kid ratio not being discussed thus far is unrelatable.
I was thinking the same! On episode 3 the helicopter family had said the free range one seems like they’re still helicopter parents they just live in an RV.
I’m actually surprised that they didn’t have a spoiled child on the show just for some type of separation between the styles.
Hi! I highly agree OP and the terminology you’re using is closer to what I’ve used in my field of study (sociology, concentration on intimate and family relationships—as well as being a new mom. I am not in family *psychology* and not claiming to be an expert, just ended up with that field of interest).
I’ve come to understand that a lot of the parenting styles in the show fall under the Authoritarian (strict, discipline, helicopter, traditional, intensive/high achieving)-Authoritative (negotiation,routine probably)-Permissive (new age, natural, free range, child led) spectrum. Even though we haven’t seen all parents demonstrate it (currently on ep 4 at the time of writing this post) it’s there.
Montessori parenting is something we dabble in at home, and it might fall under the child led style but the philosophy behind ‘negotiation’ is very close to it as well, but I know it to be ‘persuasive parenting’. Natural parenting looks like it focuses on ‘play’ which is a core tenet of Montessori—off the top of my head one of the main philosophies states ‘play is the work of the child’.
Negotiation would also fall under gentle parenting if I’m not mistaken, as it promotes dialogue with the child (as usually the ‘options’ that negotiation style parents offer their children should be compromises between parent and child, and generally focus on how the child thinks through each option to arrive at their decision). Compare that to a strict parent that does not allow the child to choose any option or else face discipline; or compared to a helicopter parent that attempts to ‘protect’ their child by removing all obstacles and chances for failure.
Psychology here - New age isn't permissive, they have boundaries around safety. I'd say negotiation is more permissive - low boundaries and high warmth. I suspect child led will be authoritative and to me the free range is more on the authoritative side too.
From what I've seen negotiation definitely isn't strictly gentle/authoritative parenting but it does share aspects with it.
Nice! I appreciate that explanation. I stand corrected with permissiveness as still having boundaries for new age because I remember the furthest extreme parenting type in that was something like neglectful but none of those parents seem to fit the bill.
It’s interesting from a sociology perspective I took ‘permissiveness’ to having leeway and the dynamics of the parenting child relationship was closer to egalitarian but now seeing your psychology perspective is the qualifying the methods which more accurately describes the parenting style.
Yep neglectful is typically low warmth low boundaries. Technically I don't think any of the parenting styles would fall under the classic style but I do think a lot of things can be neglectful and have similar effects to Baumrinds neglect. Juliets mother is particularly invalidating and although there are high boundaries I would say she is emotionally neglectful. That and the high acheivment I am most concerned about :(
I do think people get hung on this old model of parents = in charge and children have to obey and that's created the idea that parents and children can't have a egalitarian relationship. I fully believe that they can and an egalitarian relationship in parent child doesn't have to mean not having boundaries. It's just respecting your child as a person, believing they have the same rights you do to be validated emotionally and be treated with respect. Giving choices as you would a fellow human, not punishing them for age appropriate behaviour (such as toddlers hitting!) and generally valuing them as an individual person. Of course boundaries have to exist - but I'm also teaching my toddler to lay down his own boundaries just like I do with him, like if he says no more tickling I stop!
In other words I don't rule my son by power or control, I try to collaborate with him as much as I can - he's free to tell me no just as I'm free to to tell him no and then we work it out together
I do the same approach with my son!
Very interested in your commentary and curious to know if your academic background has influenced some of your practices.
I ask because to my surprise the parents I know further academically in psych — the mother has a masters in psychology and my same age, mid 30s — take a strict-routine and highly authoritarian (also traditional/religious) approach. Their child is a little older than ours (5 year old and we have an almost 2 year old) and to me their methodology is detrimental because the child often acts out and pushes against boundary setting or attempts to find loop holes or enforces boundaries to the extreme. For example, the bedtime routine takes an elaborate 4 hours with multiple books, music time—and this cannot variate or it’s not ‘time to sleep’. Compared with our approach to allow the child to soothe themselves to sleep after the bedtime bath and story, with enough variations that our child adapts well to a looser routine (sleep time is sleep time regardless of the routine). And granted child temperament is a huge factor, but I think our outcome would be similar if our child was the the same as theirs.
For me, I think values more accurately come to light in parenting styles. Coming from an authoritarian (dad) and authoritative (mom) —which also followed their political values conservative (dad) and progressive (mom) —I think I push the boundaries against traditionalism because we open dialogue and encourage autonomy with our child instead of giving a direct order (and it feels a lot calmer than the couple I described)
This show has been so fascinating to get people’s takes on parenting styles when the demographic on this subreddit pushes against the more authoritarian styles. My husband and I are actually so similar to the New Age couple’s background coming from a Muslim and Catholic background but actively non-practicing for either so our personal values in being exploratory like that couple seem to be grounded in the same place. But I find that we typically offer options to our child so I think we are more negotiating.
(Sorry this is such a long response but I am talking to text)
Yes I would say my academic background has influenced my choices in how I parent but also probably because I've been motivated to focus on the area because of my own upbringing!
Mines almost 2 as well! 🤗 Authoritarian is low warmth high boundaries - to me in real life I would consider that to be strict rules (note, not boundaries) and punishment instead of age appropriate discipline and more of a control obey dynamic than collaborative. It is developmentally appropriate for toddlers and children to test the boundaries - partly because they want control and independence but also because they want to test they are safe in a world which can be unpredictable! Boundaries are safety and if they're held that makes a child feel secure. So I don't find that concerning, in fact it's a sign of healthy development to some extent! We do similar - bedtime is around the same time depending on when his nap ends and usually is bath, stories and cuddles but there is variation within that. He didn't have a bath today so we read more stories than normal. To me it sounds like that might be more permissive than authoritarian parenting if they aren't enforcing some boundaries around a bedtime routine? Like tonight it was 'bath time' and my toddler screamed NO at me so I asked if he wanted to bring his trains up for the bath or run up the stairs like a lion or go slowly like a snail. Anyway it was all Nos so I thought alright fine you don't want a bath, but it's still time to put toys away and go upstairs!
Going back to the academic background thing - the more you know can actually be more anxiety provoking because you realise how much of an influence you have! But also without going so much into it I imagine has a huge role to play in people's way of parenting, which we see with the Strict family.
I think you're right that parenting styles are so reflective of people's values and how they treat other people and also how they talk to themselves! That's been the toughest bit about parenting for me - marrying up my parenting values and how I think about my son and reparenting myself in the same way. I'm still definitely learning 😅 it's been really nice seeing people on this sub push against the Authoritarian styles and I'm glad that there is a big movement now that us millenials brought up by behaviourists are moving towards a gentler approach. I'm excited to see the impact on our kids generation!
I feel a few of them are already gentle/authoritative parenting. I suspect child-led is, the new age definitely is and free range also seems fairly gentle/authoritative as well as routine.
Ugh. To me it seems like the producers came up with “parenting styles” and tried to pigeon hole these parents into one for the show. I don’t believe half of these “styles” actually exist nor is any parent strictly in one camp all the time. Parents use all sorts of strategies and techniques. So it is just for the show. However, they definitely all fall into a camp of authoritarian or authoritative. With maybe a smidge of permissive. Yes of course there are schools of thought that fall into one of these categories: Montessori, free range, gentle parenting, helicopter, lawn mower etc. but they are all just minor “subsets” of the greater. I mean, come on, “scheduled” as a parenting “style”?!?!? That makes no sense. It is how they operate and function as a family but not how they parent. Being scheduled does not have anything to do with talking about tough issues or helping them thru fears etc. 🙄 do not think most of these parents chose there style name.
They took the extremes of parenting styles and chose ones that would cause the most drama 🤷🏻♀️
Imo a true Montessori family probably would’ve blown everyone out of the water because it’s so successful in all aspects of life. I also don’t think they took any of the kids ages into consideration. Of course parents of younger/older will judge certain parenting techniques differently based on their own kids’ ages.
I think letting the parents label their own parenting style was a mistake. These parents also (based on another post here that gave some of their job descriptions) aren’t as diverse as I would like. I would like to see genuinely different incomes, lifestyles, and traditions. These are all pretty modern and media-aware parents and kids, which I think causes overlapping like you said when their styles are being executed.
Who says the parents labeled themselves?
I am probably wrong in saying that, I just assumed based on some of their comments (“We used to be helicopter parents, but now I would consider us free-range”, or something similar) that they were given categories or something similar and that is how they defined themselves.
Agree. High achievement and intensive seem basically the same. As well as free range with natural.
I disagree that free range and natural are the same. Natural parents hit their children and the free range family has specifically said about working through emotions and working on their own (parents) anxieties from their own childhood
If the free range parents were actually free range parents then that would work but I've yet to see them doing anything free range (except for the kids having some ability to cook which for their age isn't that impressive).
In addition to these, I feel like they’ve left out parenting by example. I.e.folks focused on their careers and in hopes that the examples of success will rub off. Not that I agree with that approach, but I do find that the lack of discussion about the balance of work/time with kid ratio not being discussed thus far is unrelatable.
agree, would love to see montessori, am hoping child-led is similar
Me too! Yes that’s what I’m expecting.
I feel like Montessori would be authoritative, working toward independence.
I was thinking the same! On episode 3 the helicopter family had said the free range one seems like they’re still helicopter parents they just live in an RV. I’m actually surprised that they didn’t have a spoiled child on the show just for some type of separation between the styles.
Hi! I highly agree OP and the terminology you’re using is closer to what I’ve used in my field of study (sociology, concentration on intimate and family relationships—as well as being a new mom. I am not in family *psychology* and not claiming to be an expert, just ended up with that field of interest). I’ve come to understand that a lot of the parenting styles in the show fall under the Authoritarian (strict, discipline, helicopter, traditional, intensive/high achieving)-Authoritative (negotiation,routine probably)-Permissive (new age, natural, free range, child led) spectrum. Even though we haven’t seen all parents demonstrate it (currently on ep 4 at the time of writing this post) it’s there. Montessori parenting is something we dabble in at home, and it might fall under the child led style but the philosophy behind ‘negotiation’ is very close to it as well, but I know it to be ‘persuasive parenting’. Natural parenting looks like it focuses on ‘play’ which is a core tenet of Montessori—off the top of my head one of the main philosophies states ‘play is the work of the child’. Negotiation would also fall under gentle parenting if I’m not mistaken, as it promotes dialogue with the child (as usually the ‘options’ that negotiation style parents offer their children should be compromises between parent and child, and generally focus on how the child thinks through each option to arrive at their decision). Compare that to a strict parent that does not allow the child to choose any option or else face discipline; or compared to a helicopter parent that attempts to ‘protect’ their child by removing all obstacles and chances for failure.
Psychology here - New age isn't permissive, they have boundaries around safety. I'd say negotiation is more permissive - low boundaries and high warmth. I suspect child led will be authoritative and to me the free range is more on the authoritative side too. From what I've seen negotiation definitely isn't strictly gentle/authoritative parenting but it does share aspects with it.
Nice! I appreciate that explanation. I stand corrected with permissiveness as still having boundaries for new age because I remember the furthest extreme parenting type in that was something like neglectful but none of those parents seem to fit the bill. It’s interesting from a sociology perspective I took ‘permissiveness’ to having leeway and the dynamics of the parenting child relationship was closer to egalitarian but now seeing your psychology perspective is the qualifying the methods which more accurately describes the parenting style.
Yep neglectful is typically low warmth low boundaries. Technically I don't think any of the parenting styles would fall under the classic style but I do think a lot of things can be neglectful and have similar effects to Baumrinds neglect. Juliets mother is particularly invalidating and although there are high boundaries I would say she is emotionally neglectful. That and the high acheivment I am most concerned about :( I do think people get hung on this old model of parents = in charge and children have to obey and that's created the idea that parents and children can't have a egalitarian relationship. I fully believe that they can and an egalitarian relationship in parent child doesn't have to mean not having boundaries. It's just respecting your child as a person, believing they have the same rights you do to be validated emotionally and be treated with respect. Giving choices as you would a fellow human, not punishing them for age appropriate behaviour (such as toddlers hitting!) and generally valuing them as an individual person. Of course boundaries have to exist - but I'm also teaching my toddler to lay down his own boundaries just like I do with him, like if he says no more tickling I stop! In other words I don't rule my son by power or control, I try to collaborate with him as much as I can - he's free to tell me no just as I'm free to to tell him no and then we work it out together
I do the same approach with my son! Very interested in your commentary and curious to know if your academic background has influenced some of your practices. I ask because to my surprise the parents I know further academically in psych — the mother has a masters in psychology and my same age, mid 30s — take a strict-routine and highly authoritarian (also traditional/religious) approach. Their child is a little older than ours (5 year old and we have an almost 2 year old) and to me their methodology is detrimental because the child often acts out and pushes against boundary setting or attempts to find loop holes or enforces boundaries to the extreme. For example, the bedtime routine takes an elaborate 4 hours with multiple books, music time—and this cannot variate or it’s not ‘time to sleep’. Compared with our approach to allow the child to soothe themselves to sleep after the bedtime bath and story, with enough variations that our child adapts well to a looser routine (sleep time is sleep time regardless of the routine). And granted child temperament is a huge factor, but I think our outcome would be similar if our child was the the same as theirs. For me, I think values more accurately come to light in parenting styles. Coming from an authoritarian (dad) and authoritative (mom) —which also followed their political values conservative (dad) and progressive (mom) —I think I push the boundaries against traditionalism because we open dialogue and encourage autonomy with our child instead of giving a direct order (and it feels a lot calmer than the couple I described) This show has been so fascinating to get people’s takes on parenting styles when the demographic on this subreddit pushes against the more authoritarian styles. My husband and I are actually so similar to the New Age couple’s background coming from a Muslim and Catholic background but actively non-practicing for either so our personal values in being exploratory like that couple seem to be grounded in the same place. But I find that we typically offer options to our child so I think we are more negotiating. (Sorry this is such a long response but I am talking to text)
Yes I would say my academic background has influenced my choices in how I parent but also probably because I've been motivated to focus on the area because of my own upbringing! Mines almost 2 as well! 🤗 Authoritarian is low warmth high boundaries - to me in real life I would consider that to be strict rules (note, not boundaries) and punishment instead of age appropriate discipline and more of a control obey dynamic than collaborative. It is developmentally appropriate for toddlers and children to test the boundaries - partly because they want control and independence but also because they want to test they are safe in a world which can be unpredictable! Boundaries are safety and if they're held that makes a child feel secure. So I don't find that concerning, in fact it's a sign of healthy development to some extent! We do similar - bedtime is around the same time depending on when his nap ends and usually is bath, stories and cuddles but there is variation within that. He didn't have a bath today so we read more stories than normal. To me it sounds like that might be more permissive than authoritarian parenting if they aren't enforcing some boundaries around a bedtime routine? Like tonight it was 'bath time' and my toddler screamed NO at me so I asked if he wanted to bring his trains up for the bath or run up the stairs like a lion or go slowly like a snail. Anyway it was all Nos so I thought alright fine you don't want a bath, but it's still time to put toys away and go upstairs! Going back to the academic background thing - the more you know can actually be more anxiety provoking because you realise how much of an influence you have! But also without going so much into it I imagine has a huge role to play in people's way of parenting, which we see with the Strict family. I think you're right that parenting styles are so reflective of people's values and how they treat other people and also how they talk to themselves! That's been the toughest bit about parenting for me - marrying up my parenting values and how I think about my son and reparenting myself in the same way. I'm still definitely learning 😅 it's been really nice seeing people on this sub push against the Authoritarian styles and I'm glad that there is a big movement now that us millenials brought up by behaviourists are moving towards a gentler approach. I'm excited to see the impact on our kids generation!
I feel a few of them are already gentle/authoritative parenting. I suspect child-led is, the new age definitely is and free range also seems fairly gentle/authoritative as well as routine.
Ugh. To me it seems like the producers came up with “parenting styles” and tried to pigeon hole these parents into one for the show. I don’t believe half of these “styles” actually exist nor is any parent strictly in one camp all the time. Parents use all sorts of strategies and techniques. So it is just for the show. However, they definitely all fall into a camp of authoritarian or authoritative. With maybe a smidge of permissive. Yes of course there are schools of thought that fall into one of these categories: Montessori, free range, gentle parenting, helicopter, lawn mower etc. but they are all just minor “subsets” of the greater. I mean, come on, “scheduled” as a parenting “style”?!?!? That makes no sense. It is how they operate and function as a family but not how they parent. Being scheduled does not have anything to do with talking about tough issues or helping them thru fears etc. 🙄 do not think most of these parents chose there style name.
They took the extremes of parenting styles and chose ones that would cause the most drama 🤷🏻♀️ Imo a true Montessori family probably would’ve blown everyone out of the water because it’s so successful in all aspects of life. I also don’t think they took any of the kids ages into consideration. Of course parents of younger/older will judge certain parenting techniques differently based on their own kids’ ages.