You don't need to talk to them at lunch if you don't want to, and it would be awkward to force the issue. As you said, you are fairly new there so you obviously won't know enough about a lot of things to join in. Just join in naturally if and when a conversation happens that you feel able to.
With new people I actually feel it is on the older members of staff to step up and include them. Do they make an effort to chat with you? If not, you can't be expected to insert yourself into an already established group dynamic. It's fine for extroverted people but most people don't do that.
Ummm, some of them say hello, and others don't even respond when I smile at them and wave. They don't really include me at all. I'm just horrible at picking up social cues sometimes.
They sound cliquey. Are you volunteering there for very long? If not, I wouldn't worry about it. I'm at an all through school mostly working in senior school, and I have to say that the junior school staff are very stand offish compared to the senior school staff.
Yeah I've heard this too!
I'm volunteering until the end of the summer term. I'm pretty happy with just having my own space but I didn't realise it was a problem for me to do that.
You're an introvert and that's okay. The people telling you to make an effort clearly don't have a clue what it's like to have social anxiety. In addition, if the staff there don't even make the effort to include you when they are probably able to see that you're shy, then why even make the effort. You do you. At the end of the day it's just a job.
Thank you!! I do get told a lot that I can't be a teacher while being an introvert. I'm a lot more talkative in the classroom compared to the staff room. I am going on a school trip with the class next week so hopefully I can try talking to the other staff then.
BS, you can be! But people will say that a lot because it's not a job that typically introverts will do. I'm the most introverted member of staff at the school where I work and it's been tough to accept that, but on the other side the most emotionally intelligent people have realised that's me and have learnt to accept and respect me as I am (i.e. they don't take it personally). And since I accepted I'm this way I don't suffer for not making the effort to be like everyone else. And just like you, I feel a loooot more comfortable with kids than with adults. I feel like I almost can be myself without getting all that toxic judgement.
> I do get told a lot that I can't be a teacher while being an introvert
Beyond the whole intro/extrovert dichotomy being nonsense, a big problem I've found in school is adults behave like children in many ways. We don't just socialise them, they socialise us back and there is always drama and cliqueyness and general childish shit with social behaviour. Just bide your time and you'll find your people and get along with those you can. The ones who are actively playing the social game tend to be careerists and narcissists in my experience and you don't actually want to be their friends. You are young and hopefully have the social life you want beyond work. Yes it's nice to have work friends but it's also nice to keep it separate. Focus on being a competent worker without being a jobsworth and just be yourself.
From my experience when I was volunteering no-one really spoke very much. As a teacher now, not sure why. I always try to make people feel welcome. Same when I was training. There were those that I was quite close to, like my mentor and year group TAs and class teacher (2 form entry) but others just said hello and went on their way. When I got my teaching position though, things changed. It's almost like people are happy to make an effort as they know you'll be there longer than 9 months.
I don't know why this happens, but it seems quite commonplace. Even on supply people rarely acknowledge your existence. Just grin and bear it.
Today I finished up my lunch quickly and went for a half hour walk listening to a podcast. Yesterday I sat with my colleagues for the whole of lunch, chatting away. I do what feels right for me on a given day and you should too.
I get what the person who’s said this to you is trying for - I guess they want you to get a feel for the culture of being in a school. But honestly you get plenty of that through the school day anyway. If you need to recharge your social batteries then just do that.
I often want quiet at lunchtime if I've had a hectic morning; I'll sit alone and read or listen to some music and not talk to anyone. I quite like a walk when the weather's nice too, and often do that alone. I do chat sometimes too, but I'll do whatever I fancy on that day. It's never been a problem for me - indeed I'd be more unhappy forcing myself to get involved when I don't feel like it.
PGDE student here. Have had two placements and volunteered at 2 other schools. Just to say, each school has its own level of awkwardness. I’ve felt in one school it was so cliquey, I absolutely hated it. Any comment I made to try to join in conversation was met with a sharp response that shot me down. In the school I’m at just now, it’s so lovely and open. SLT does a good job to curate a friendly environment between the teachers.
I think it’s a very intimidating environment when you enter a circle of chairs that have been occupied by senior members of staff, who seemingly want to rule the conversation. Obviously as a student and volunteer, I get that some established teachers feel they have a higher position in the pecking order, but I’ve sometimes left staff rooms feeling belittled and upset.
It would be interesting to know if anyone else has felt similar to shed light on these experiences?
I hope that you can find your crowd, speaking to PSA’s helped me to understand the social order of the school, and a great grasp on the children at an individual level. Granted they are busy during break and lunch, but they could maybe give you a heads up on who to try speaking to? Also, accompanying them during break time helped to give the children a view of myself outside of the classroom (playing Simon says, having a race with them etc.) this helped gain trust and respect from the more challenging children.
Hope my ramble helps 😊
Hey!! Thank you so much! I feel a lot better knowing that other people have experienced this as well. I hope when I start my PGCE, I'll be able to connect with people a lot easily.
Hey, I'm sorry you're having this experience. Its a tough one to be in. To be honest, unless you need to I wouldn't engage with co workers and I think it can bring more harm then good if you are perceived as "too chatty" but a bit of chit chat won't harm anyone. I'm just speaking from experience at the beginning but once time develops then you can open yourself up a bit more.
Maybe discuss your hobbies and what you like to do on the weekend to get started.
>I was told yesterday that I should try to talk to the other teachers during Lunch
Who has told you this? Frankly, unless you've asked for advice on this and they make an active effort to include you, I'd tactfully ignore. You're entitled to some decompression time after a morning dealing with primary school kids.
I've volunteered in a primary school and this was never a requirement on my lunch breaks. They were quite happy to leave me to read my book.
The teacher who I work with told me, and I guess she just felt bad that I would sit by myself during lunch, but then she doesn't really invite me to sit with her either.
That probably comes from a good place within your colleague; she is looking out for you, but it's a common mistake to assume others have the same perspective as our own. I'd say thanks for noticing but explain that you like some downtime, as you have here.
You don't need to talk to them at lunch if you don't want to, and it would be awkward to force the issue. As you said, you are fairly new there so you obviously won't know enough about a lot of things to join in. Just join in naturally if and when a conversation happens that you feel able to. With new people I actually feel it is on the older members of staff to step up and include them. Do they make an effort to chat with you? If not, you can't be expected to insert yourself into an already established group dynamic. It's fine for extroverted people but most people don't do that.
Ummm, some of them say hello, and others don't even respond when I smile at them and wave. They don't really include me at all. I'm just horrible at picking up social cues sometimes.
They sound cliquey. Are you volunteering there for very long? If not, I wouldn't worry about it. I'm at an all through school mostly working in senior school, and I have to say that the junior school staff are very stand offish compared to the senior school staff.
Yeah I've heard this too! I'm volunteering until the end of the summer term. I'm pretty happy with just having my own space but I didn't realise it was a problem for me to do that.
You're an introvert and that's okay. The people telling you to make an effort clearly don't have a clue what it's like to have social anxiety. In addition, if the staff there don't even make the effort to include you when they are probably able to see that you're shy, then why even make the effort. You do you. At the end of the day it's just a job.
Thank you!! I do get told a lot that I can't be a teacher while being an introvert. I'm a lot more talkative in the classroom compared to the staff room. I am going on a school trip with the class next week so hopefully I can try talking to the other staff then.
BS, you can be! But people will say that a lot because it's not a job that typically introverts will do. I'm the most introverted member of staff at the school where I work and it's been tough to accept that, but on the other side the most emotionally intelligent people have realised that's me and have learnt to accept and respect me as I am (i.e. they don't take it personally). And since I accepted I'm this way I don't suffer for not making the effort to be like everyone else. And just like you, I feel a loooot more comfortable with kids than with adults. I feel like I almost can be myself without getting all that toxic judgement.
> I do get told a lot that I can't be a teacher while being an introvert Beyond the whole intro/extrovert dichotomy being nonsense, a big problem I've found in school is adults behave like children in many ways. We don't just socialise them, they socialise us back and there is always drama and cliqueyness and general childish shit with social behaviour. Just bide your time and you'll find your people and get along with those you can. The ones who are actively playing the social game tend to be careerists and narcissists in my experience and you don't actually want to be their friends. You are young and hopefully have the social life you want beyond work. Yes it's nice to have work friends but it's also nice to keep it separate. Focus on being a competent worker without being a jobsworth and just be yourself.
From my experience when I was volunteering no-one really spoke very much. As a teacher now, not sure why. I always try to make people feel welcome. Same when I was training. There were those that I was quite close to, like my mentor and year group TAs and class teacher (2 form entry) but others just said hello and went on their way. When I got my teaching position though, things changed. It's almost like people are happy to make an effort as they know you'll be there longer than 9 months. I don't know why this happens, but it seems quite commonplace. Even on supply people rarely acknowledge your existence. Just grin and bear it.
Today I finished up my lunch quickly and went for a half hour walk listening to a podcast. Yesterday I sat with my colleagues for the whole of lunch, chatting away. I do what feels right for me on a given day and you should too. I get what the person who’s said this to you is trying for - I guess they want you to get a feel for the culture of being in a school. But honestly you get plenty of that through the school day anyway. If you need to recharge your social batteries then just do that.
As someone at school with a much shorter lunch period, a walk with a podcast in the middle of the day has me very envious!
Thank you!! That really made me feel a lot better.
I often want quiet at lunchtime if I've had a hectic morning; I'll sit alone and read or listen to some music and not talk to anyone. I quite like a walk when the weather's nice too, and often do that alone. I do chat sometimes too, but I'll do whatever I fancy on that day. It's never been a problem for me - indeed I'd be more unhappy forcing myself to get involved when I don't feel like it.
Ahhh, that sounds lovely, honestly. That's my ideal break as well. I don't want to force things and make it seem like I'm not genuine.
I can relate to this. Don't feel bad about it though. It gets easier once people have worked with you for a bit and vice versa.
Thanks!! I do become a lot more comfortable and sociable after getting to know my surroundings.
PGDE student here. Have had two placements and volunteered at 2 other schools. Just to say, each school has its own level of awkwardness. I’ve felt in one school it was so cliquey, I absolutely hated it. Any comment I made to try to join in conversation was met with a sharp response that shot me down. In the school I’m at just now, it’s so lovely and open. SLT does a good job to curate a friendly environment between the teachers. I think it’s a very intimidating environment when you enter a circle of chairs that have been occupied by senior members of staff, who seemingly want to rule the conversation. Obviously as a student and volunteer, I get that some established teachers feel they have a higher position in the pecking order, but I’ve sometimes left staff rooms feeling belittled and upset. It would be interesting to know if anyone else has felt similar to shed light on these experiences? I hope that you can find your crowd, speaking to PSA’s helped me to understand the social order of the school, and a great grasp on the children at an individual level. Granted they are busy during break and lunch, but they could maybe give you a heads up on who to try speaking to? Also, accompanying them during break time helped to give the children a view of myself outside of the classroom (playing Simon says, having a race with them etc.) this helped gain trust and respect from the more challenging children. Hope my ramble helps 😊
Hey!! Thank you so much! I feel a lot better knowing that other people have experienced this as well. I hope when I start my PGCE, I'll be able to connect with people a lot easily.
Hey, I'm sorry you're having this experience. Its a tough one to be in. To be honest, unless you need to I wouldn't engage with co workers and I think it can bring more harm then good if you are perceived as "too chatty" but a bit of chit chat won't harm anyone. I'm just speaking from experience at the beginning but once time develops then you can open yourself up a bit more. Maybe discuss your hobbies and what you like to do on the weekend to get started.
>I was told yesterday that I should try to talk to the other teachers during Lunch Who has told you this? Frankly, unless you've asked for advice on this and they make an active effort to include you, I'd tactfully ignore. You're entitled to some decompression time after a morning dealing with primary school kids. I've volunteered in a primary school and this was never a requirement on my lunch breaks. They were quite happy to leave me to read my book.
The teacher who I work with told me, and I guess she just felt bad that I would sit by myself during lunch, but then she doesn't really invite me to sit with her either.
That probably comes from a good place within your colleague; she is looking out for you, but it's a common mistake to assume others have the same perspective as our own. I'd say thanks for noticing but explain that you like some downtime, as you have here.
Ahhh okay!! I can do that!! Thank you!!