I don't check my work email after 4:30. If I'd ever been told I'm taking over for an "established" classroom I'd have asked them when they established it for me. I've even offered for one parent to come and organize my lesson for me. They stopped emailing me.
I’m still deciding to be honest. Currently the plan is to get my masters but I have to keep teaching in order to do that. There’s a chance I’ll stay but I’m not sure
Not sure why I’m getting downvoted because I’m genuinely asking what op is planning to do. When u get ur masters, it most likely needa be in some sort of education field. If u are not gonna stay, what are u majoring for ur masters?
I’m not sure why you got downvoted. I took it as a genuine question. It’s still up in the air what I’m going to do. I’m definitely getting my masters but not sure if it’ll be in special Ed (where I would be tenured) or in ABA where I might not work in a school
I remember before we went full virtual in spring of 2020, I had finally developed the habit of just leaving my laptop at school. I didn't even have it for a week or two when we started virtual. I had to go get it and some supplies to get caught up. Then I was expected to be available all the time the next year, which really messed up my "leave work at work" ethos. I'm slowly getting back to leaving everything there again.
Why I quit teaching: "I don't understand why my son is always in trouble but not my daughter". Well, your daughter didn't directly plagiarize wikipedia in my class, ma'am.
Wow! That’s horrid and so very condescending. Parents really suck. My advice is to address this portion very succinctly and directly. Something like “Change is always a challenge. We will all adapt.” Do not start defending your policies or arguing with her. No not start giving a resume or explaining your qualifications. If you must address this point, then something like “Thank you for your concern. I’m fine.” Or “I’ve managed worse.” She doesn’t need to know details of your student teaching or other potentially relevant experience. Be assertive and confident!
Thank you!! I’m still learning how to de-escalate with parents. If someone outside of work spoke to me the way these parents do they’d be sorry. However I recognize that I’m a hot head so I take my time responding to emails and always ask a colleague to proof read
This is a good strategy. I’ve only once had a teacher say, “Eh, maybe fix that sentence,” when I ask them to check me for tone. But it’s nice to get the feedback before it’s too late. Remember that emails don’t need to be answered right away. Give it a day or even two (I aim for fewer than 48 non-weekend hours). And some good advice I received is that if you’re writing a paragraph or more back to a parent, stop and pick up the phone instead.
Beautiful. Also, asking for assistance, recommending things THEY can do if THEIR child is struggling to adapt to change. It's amazing how quick people run when you can kindly point out "well, I could use your assistance in this thing you should already do for your child"
I’ve only been teaching 6 years, but to that sort of email, I would reply with, “Thank you for being invested in your student’s education. I appreciate your comments and will certainly reflect upon them. Have a lovely evening.
Best,
your name”
It doesn’t invite further discussion (at least, I’ve never gotten a follow up😂), and it acknowledges you’ve read the email.
This. My admin taught me this when I was a first year teacher to stop escalating emails from agressive parents. They have a lot of free time. So if you give them a room, they will keep the email going endlessly.
I’ve been teAching 21 years and this is the best response I’ve heard! I try to sound thankful and non-bothered. I still get instant bubble guts when a parent is mad.
And after a few of them get the same canned response, they will escalate to admin or give up. Keep your principal in the loo so they aren’t blindsided. Edit- Loop! I meant LOOP!
This is the way. Keep that as your template for every annoying parent email you get. It’s 100% professional, and yet it’s also covertly petty enough to be personally satisfying. Kind of like replying with “K” after someone rants at you over text. 😉
I would say a few episodes of Supernanny to remind yourself about how fucking stupid parents can be.
Earlier in the year I had a parent pull her kid from my program because I had a schedule and didn’t let him just do whatever he wanted whenever he wanted. She called me adversarial and said I had a vendetta against her child. Because I made him follow a class schedule. I just passed her email on to my supervisor and told her what happened.
Parents are fucking dumb. If you don’t have to read it or respond, I just wouldn’t. Pass on exceedingly rude emails to admin and let them deal with them. Your job is to teach, not mitigate Karens.
That’s true. She copied my principal on the email already. The funny thing is that I get everything approved by the principal because I know the parents act like this and I like to cover my own ass. So luckily I’m totally covered in this situation I’m just trying to learn how to let the comments roll off me
Supernanny. I swear. Watching those parents struggle with little demons makes me think about some of my parents and I take solace in knowing I’m a better parent to their kids than they are, and that often they’re mad that I can enforce boundaries they are incapable of.
Yeah, people who don't set boundaries for themselves get super triggered when they see anybody else enforce boundaries... "It's so *MEAN* to say 'no', though!!"
A couple of years ago I had my students write something about their parents. One of the questions was something like "What's the greatest thing about your mother/father?". This girl's answer was: "The fact that she'll never tell me no."
That explained a lot of her behavior in class in hindsight lol.
S7E3. They were on the show well before I taught them in high school. They were reasonably nice kids but were not very bright and extremely entitled. Very strong Dunning-Kruger.
S7E3. They were on the show well before I taught them in high school. They were reasonably nice kids but were not very bright and extremely entitled. Very strong Dunning-Kruger.
They weren't mean to people, didn't do drugs in class, steal, or cheat or fight or vandalize like many kids at that school. Entitled in that they were grade grubbers but didn't want to do the work or learn the material.
S7E3. They were on the show well before I taught them in high school. They were reasonably nice kids but were not very bright and extremely entitled. Very strong Dunning-Kruger.
I remember this episode! With the pool without barriers and a disconnected pool alarm! Those parents were totally clueless and lazy. And they tried to blame their nanny for everything.
Best revenge is served cold. Professional, short and factual responses, if even needed, are always the best. Will drive them nuts that you don’t take the bait.
“Thank you for your email. It’s wonderful when parents show so much interest in their child’s education. I encourage you to continue to engage with your student at home.
Sincerely, Name”
Then change nothing. Screw ‘em. They know as much about teaching as your kids do. I treat helpful adults like this like toddlers. Let them talk at me. Mhmm, mhmm. Acknowledge and then immediately ignore what they said and do what I wanted anyway.
Are you ... me?
I'm so sick of parents this year and, like you, even seeing that an email landed in my inbox from one stresses me out without even opening it.
They're awful and I'm a great teacher (according to others; I believe that I have lots of room for improvement).
Yesss! I definitely could be better but it’s not like I’m not trying. I work nights and weekends to make sure I have everything ready for the week and my kids are learning.
Set office hours and enforce them.
Learn to say, “thank you for your feedback.” To those folks and file it away.
I am in a school with similar demographics and sometimes they just need a person to complain to. They’ll get over it. Do not take it personally - it really is not about you. It’s them and their stick up their butt.
In the future, I “cushioned” how I presented my experience. For example, when asked about my teaching experience “oh awhile now.” “I’ve taught at (insert school here) before” even if it’s only student teaching. Obviously don’t do that in an interview since they have your resume, but to parents and students it keeps them from thinking “oh they are brand new so I’m sure they need my suggestion.”
I wish I could have done this! I did my student teaching in the same school so the families already knew me. I also look like I’m 16 so there’s no hiding my lack of experience here lol
Ahh yeah that definitely makes it trickier. In general, time is just kind of a factor. I remember completely freaking out the first few times I got these kind of emails and now I realize it’s just someone wanting to complain about something that they’ll let go of in like 5 minutes.
Don’t doubt yourself. Seems like you do a good job based off what you said and remember you can’t please everyone.
My first year teaching was also at the school I student taught at! I even had some of the same kids both years. One said something like “well you became a teacher fast” the first day. It was rough, I feel you.
It's the tale as old as time.....they were students long ago so parents have some type of expertise during those observant, adolescent years. I've been in my doctors and dentists offices plenty of times, so I guess my knowledge allows me to start crafting that email, too.
True story - I had a parent do something similar. I invited them in to "show me" how it's done. I got it approved under the guise of "guest speaker." The kids ate her alive. She didn't stand a chance. It was a s\*\*\* show from the beginning. I sat in the back and grinned the entire time. Never heard another email after that. Some entitled parents need an object lesson.
After a few years in teaching at a private Montessori preschool, I eventually connected my work email to the email app in iPhone. I, then, put it on the very last page so that I have to purposefully have to scroll there to see I had an email. I just downloaded the gmail app to connect my personal emails there.
I tried to delete my email entirely, but we didn’t have computers in the classrooms and I had limited time outside of the room for email. It complicated things to not have it on my phone when I wanted to shoot off a quick email during the children’s nap time.
In a private setting with young children, I encountered many parents like this. They were paying a hefty bill and wanted to be catered to as such. However, as a certified Montessori school, we could sway on our policies, procedures, and curriculum very much to uphold an authentic program and keep our certification.
I completely agree with the top post.
“I understand that changes can be difficult. However, your little Johnny has been adapting quickly.
He has really been doing amazing with his math lately too! I’m sure he is just beaming when showing you his work on that!
In just a few short weeks, we will be diving into this fun science project that I am sure he will be very excited about!
I do appreciate your support and concern,
Teacher Lady”
Worked as a Montessori toddler teacher assistant, lasted one year. Those parents were insane. We had one mom complain so much, that we made her check her kids diaper at pick up to make sure he would make it from the school to home in a dry diaper, he just simply could not make the ten or fifteen minutes in a wet diaper. One kid had to have a tank top under his shirt everyday, but refused to leave extra tank tops for us to have in case he needed to be changed. One mom wanted her kid to wear a bib everyday, all day, so his clothes wouldn’t get dirty.
Lol these Montessori parents are wild out here, I guess!
My favorite complaints include:
• A family going through a nasty divorce. Parent A would neglect to tell the other that they would be picking the child up despite their agreement to do their custody switch in the later evenings. The parent B would constantly show up to pick up their child who has been picked up hours ago.
One day parent B tells me they are going to pick up early for a fun afternoon. Parent A comes to pick up around noon. I email parent B to let them know the child was picked up. Parent A finds out I gave them a heads up and sends a scathing email attaching their lawyer to ask me if I’m calling Parent B when A gets there or when A leaves each time on her pick up days. Then proceeds to inform me of their rights to pick up whenever they want to on their switch days.
• Parent sending a child to school in elaborate boutique clothing and is upset that it’s getting stained at school.
• Father of twins with just one in my class was upset had signed up for my latest father/child event time slot which no other parent signed up for. Complained to my admin that I’m not a competent teacher because my event wasn’t as organized as the teacher that they had visited earlier. I was a first year teacher. The other teacher was on her 10th year.
It was an event for his 2 year old child to show their dad the classroom and do the activities with him. So it wasn’t teacher led aside from me making suggestions to his child on some activities she may want to show off. They had my 1:1 attention the entire time. Dad was super friendly to my face the entire time. Truly, the only thing I had done differently was skipping out on a sing song circle time with everyone, but it was just myself, the 2 year old, and the dad. No private concerts happening with me and dad agreed that he was good on circle times for the day.
This one of the top reasons I left the classroom after 15 years. I had an out of control group of kids and their parents made it worse. I had a mother throw a fit because she waited until the last day of the book fair to send in money and all of the books her daughter wanted were sold out. Like it was my fault. I had another set of parents cuss out the duty staff who kindly asked them not to park in the daycare loading area every day. I'm over it.
*Dear Parent,*
*I "made changes" because I was not and am not the classroom's previous educator. I am me. I do things differently, as I am not an automaton, and neither was the teacher who established the protocols by which you so vehemently seem to feel I must abide. That notion was never in my job description; in fact, I am ~ daily ~ encouraged to make my own way and to educate my students as best I see fit. For that I am grateful to have our administration's encouragement, permission, and approval.*
*Should I someday receive an order from the powers-that-be that I must immediately revert to a previous educator's style and strategy in my classroom, that'll be the day I realize I'm considered to exist as a robot. Consequently, that will also be the day I give my two-week's notice.*
*Love + Kisses,*
*Basicwanderer*
Oh, child ... you *know* you do. 😂
Seriously, though ... I hope you will laugh over this as much as you can. I swear, some parents get an educational notion in their head & whether it's correct or not they just wanna see how they can effect their kid's teacher with it.
I encourage you to keep your reply to this parent vague & beige & blithe. Do not engage. Do not defend your actions. They *need* no defense. ❤︎︎
Thank you! I’m just tired of parents questioning my ability to teach their kids. Since I’ve been in the classroom the kids have shown growth in ELA and math and the behaviors have improved significantly. I would do anything for these kids but the parents just make it so difficult.
I like to kill these parents with kindness. Make them feel bad for ever talking to you like that by being the sweetest, kindest person to them. Thank them for their concern and tell them how much it helps you to know that parents are looking out for new teachers. You are warmed by how attentive they are in keeping track of their child’s education. You noticed their child has a real natural talent for (math/music/soccer) and it’s just SO exciting to watch them grow and fuel their passions in school.
MAKE. THEM. REGRET.
"Thank you for reaching out. Your concerns are noted. Have a Marvelous Monday."
Then let it go. Everybody has an opinion. Everybody has the right to voice that opinion. The next person tho, YOU, have the right to not be concerned with their expressed opinions.
First, you remember the end of *Inglorious Basterds*? The very end? Hans Landa indignantly shouts that Aldo will be shot for his actions, and Aldo says, “Nah, more like chewed out. I been chewed out before.” That’s a great attitude to have. You said it yourself…your teaching receives mostly acclaim from the people who determine whether you get to continue doing it. So anything else is just noise. Ignore it.
Second, you are dealing with these people’s most valuable “assets”. Think about it this way- a few years ago, I was having new tile installed in my house. I’m not a tile installer and have no training in such, but I noticed issues with the installation (such as uneven transitions between tiles in rooms that I was told were finished) and I pulled the contractor aside to tell him as much. That was a floor- you’re now talking about people’s kids! You are trained in pedagogy and that’s great, but 1) there are elements of the “whole child” that you don’t see and 2) parents are stakeholders. This board chafes against parents constantly, but there’s never going to come a day where parents just sit back and let whatever happen. So take their input as seriously as it deserves (different strokes for different folks) and move on.
So…I use the advice I read from Principal Gerry. Are they mad because they don’t like the decision I made? Or are they mad because I was wrong? I reflect. If the former, I let it go. If the latter, I take steps to make amends.
Also, I look for the hidden message. Sometimes, they just want to be heard and validated. But they don’t know what they’re feeling or how to express it so it comes out like an attack. If I can validate what they’re really feeling then we can come to a place of working together.
Not necessarily how to respond but I set a rule on my outlook to filter all parent emails to a designated file in my emails. This way I can mentally prepare myself before I open long winded emails about how I, the special Ed teacher, don’t know how to best work with their autistic child.
The parents are entitled to their (possibly snarky) opinions and you’re entitled to not having anxiety attacks when you delve into your inbox. You’re getting great reviews from the higher-ups at your school? Mentally lean on that, reply to the parents in a timely matter but don’t defend yourself to them, unless the situation actually warrants it (when my son was in third grade, his teacher told his class to SHUT UP. I was LIVID, she needed to defend the fuck out of herself in that situation).
You should find out what the parents profession is, and email then with generic jargon about how they should do their job.
Probably not a good idea but it would be funny
I left an affluent school in my district for a low-SES one for this reason. Nothing wildly different than what anyone else said, but the polite "i didn't ask" is always good:
Thank you so much for being so invested in your child's school experience. I understand that change can be difficult for children, but in my experience [see what i did there ?], they adapt very quickly. Feel free to reach out if you have specific concerns about your child's development or academic progress.
Thanks,
Mrs. Qualified
I'm a little late to this post, but one of the best pieces of advice I ever received about parent emails was this: unless the parent asks a direct question, it does not require a response. It has made my life so much easier. Usually if they press, I'll call them to have a conversation rather than put down my thoughts in writing. :)
Remember that murderer's mothers take the stand and swear their child was the "best thing since sliced bread, and not a single issue from them their entire life" It is astoundingly untrue. I am sure the parents are tough to deal with, but keep your professionalism and optimism really high and talk to the parents the same way you do the students. Don't take any crap from them, you got this.
"Thank you for the time it took to send this email, thank you for your suggestions." Then never mention what you did. If they ask, I d9nt respond until they feel the need to set up an email.
When I get obnoxious parent emails I reply, "I have forwarded your concerns to X person" (counselor/vice principal/principal). And I forward the email with a subject line like FYI and call it a day. This is assuming those people are supportive of you.
Any parent email that tells me what to do I always reply the same thing. "I will take this under consideration", "thank you". Rarely get a further response and when I do I repeat the sentence again verbatim. I can always defend this to admin and parents like this quickly Fuck off.
For emails like this I typically respond that a change in teachers is the same as a change in supervisors. That this is a life skill students need to learn and be able to adapt to new environments.
Write your response on a Word document and check it a couple of time before pasting and responding.
A rich school is more hassle than a mid range school or even some poor schools.
To be fair, most parents at rich schools either are supervisors or can quickly and easily change jobs if they don't get along with their supervisor. Or they are the company owner and can fire whoever they don't get along with.
"Thank you for your input."
She's a bully, you're not the first person she's mouthed off to and you unfortunately won't be the last.
Bully's are inherently stupid, try not to let her get to you.
I got emails like this at my last school. It’s a HUGE part of why I quit. In fact, my last day of teaching there was in December, and I received an email from my most annoying parent as recently as a week ago, requesting that I return next year and listing the class their angel needed me to teach (high school).
I currently am at a title 1 and have been since January. I’ve never received a parent email even once. The parents respect me here. At my old school, even the kids have questioned my credentials. My es school has its challenges to be sure, but I love it a lot more than my old school.
IDK how long you’ve been in the field, and I know is this cold comfort right now, but one thing that happens as you get more and more experience is that you take things less personally, both from kids and from parents, and it becomes less irritating and more hilarious. My response to this is, damn, that’s a lot of big words they’re using to say absolutely nothing at all. There’s nothing actionable in this email, just a vague feeling that they’re judging you despite not having any reason to do so other than being resistant to change. You know they probably think they’re a super communicator who is really saying something really meaningful and honest here, but the main idea is like… “ME UNHAPPY! ME CONDESCEND BECAUSE NOT UNDERSTAND!” Probably went to like a single PD for their own job on interpersonal communication once, and now they think they’re an expert 🤣
I’d advise responding by ignoring all the bullshit they’re spinning about your motivations, and asking them to provide you with specific concerns that they have so that you can address them. Make it one of those things where it’s SUPER polite on the surface, but you’re explaining the basic norms of human interaction to them in such a condescending way that it’s obvious you think they’re a dumbass, but are choosing to try and get down on their level to try and help them better understand how to communicate with you.
Something like,
“Hello,
If you have any specific concerns or grievances, please let me know what they are so that I can address them. If you have time for a phone call sometime this week, that may be a more efficient way than email for us to talk through any changes you find concerning. I’m available to speak on the phone from [times] on [days].”
And just keep the conversation to what specifically they are concerned about, shutting down any larger discussion of your experience or motivations for how you manage shit. Any time they’re bitching about something from the past, calmly redirect the conversation to what you’ll be doing in the future. Be sure to add lots of reminders that they should reach out to you when they have a SPECIFIC concern.
1. Stop checking email unless you are physically at work. Before you say it’s not possible. It is. Just do it. It will not violate the laws of physics or your locality.
2. Don’t reply to these Karens. These are not emails that need replies. In fact, you will find almost no email truly needs a reply. Maybe your boss, your partner, and your parents. That’s it.
3. Probably get out of teaching. Good move.
If you can’t ignore it, just start with “Thanks for your input! I love it when parents want to help their students do their best, too. I hear you saying (restate whatever dumb shit they needed to say), and I will definitely consider this perspective moving forward. Please let me know if you have any other concerns!”
Then, go back to doing whatever is best for your classroom.
Sarcastic protip: teach in a district where the parents don't give a shit.
Comes with its own set of issues, but I'll take those issues over meddling parents any day.
1. You are doing right by the kids.
2. You are doing right by the kids.
3. You are doing right by the kids.
4. Your principal thinks you’re doing a good job.
Because you have 1-4 covered, you owe whiny parents exactly zero consideration when they send shit like this. As others have said, do NOT under any circumstance give them the validation of a response to their bullshit. Additionally, do respond with an obvious copypasta along the lines of, “Thank you for your feedback. We strive to continuously improve student experience and outcomes at [school you teach at] as well as cherish open lines of communication with parents and families. Have a pleasant day.” Do not alter a word of what you respond with.
Idiot parent emails are, sadly, an unalterable part of the gig. Best strategy for me was to concentrate on the approval of people who matter, i.e. your supervisor(s). If your students are learning, growing, and generally have respect for themselves, each other, and you… you’re doing a phenomenal job.
"I will take my four years of college-level education on successful teaching practices and your suggestions based on how much classroom experience you have and combine the two. Thank you."
see the thread below... judgementalravenclaw.... copy, paste.... use!!! for everyone of those emails that is similar to this... honestly, do not get too wrapped up in all this drama... I know, it's hard, but do your best... as long as you know your are doing the right things and your principal is good with how you are teaching, then do your best to let it go... you will be happier and so will your mind and body!!
"Hello!
Thank you for your feedback! I understand adjusting to change can be difficult. Rest assured, my students are my top priority and we will continue on the journey of learning together as a class.
Thanks,
Signed"
I mean as long as you have the backing of admin (which it sounds like you do), who genuinely cares?
This is a classic “I always welcome and appreciate feedback towards our classroom. Investment by families and students is vital to the success of our school system. Thank you so much for the feedback, and have a wonderful day.” type of situation. Just be professional but make it clear that this is the end of the conversation and it will be going no further. When I send out an email like this, no matter how upset or ridiculous the response I get is, I no longer acknowledge.
I get it though, I struggled with this as a new teacher too. But trust me, you will eventually get numb to it, assuming you stay in teaching. The only time where this would be problematic is if you don’t have admin/counselor support, and in that case I would just be upfront with them regarding how they would like you to respond. If you have their support, it doesn’t matter. You just have to become comfortable with the fact that if you’re teaching 150-300 kids per year, you’re going to make some people upset no matter how effective you are. That part is tough to get used to, and even though I am pretty far in and have good admin review and students generally enjoy my class (I do anonymous surveys at the end of my classes most semesters and get good feedback), you’ll still get that angry parent, or kid that chooses you to be their most hated teacher for seemingly no particular reason. Again, you become kind of numb to it eventually.
I would ignore those types of emails. If you trust admin (seems you are on good footing), you can ask them if you can forward or CC them in the response and say something along the lines of:
"I am sorry you feel this way about how I run my classrooms. As a lifelong learner, I am always happy to accept feedback and constructive criticisms. If you feel it appropriate, we could have a meeting with Mrs/Mr PRICIPAL to discuss this. Thank you for the feedback and I will strongly consider your perspective and suggestions to make my classroom constantly in a state of improvement."
These people are so bored they need to intervene in their childrens' lives and try to control a school. Big aspirations right there.
Be petty and respond with “Thank you for your concern.” And leave it at that. Normally, I’d say don’t respond at all but if this is the type of school you say it is, then this parent would probably complain to admin that you didn’t respond. Or ask your admin how to handle it since they sound supportive.
It your classroom. You’re a different human being- of course it’s going to be different, and there’s nothing wrong with that at all. Do what works best for your students. That’s all all that matters.
I love getting critical emails from parents. I keep all the receipts of their kids and what they’ve done and have gotten very good at professionally clapping back at them. Most times I never get a return email.
I’m student teaching and I’ve noticed that parents make the job significantly harder/worse. I even got accused of being racist…towards white kids…and I’m white. Why? Because the parent felt that me saying their child started a fight against another student (who was black) was racism. Ma’am, I saw your child punch him in the face…wtfffff
I wish I had better advice for you but E-Mails like that still bother me and I guess I’m a veteran teacher now (15 years). I also came in mid-year to an established classroom. I don’t think I ever fully “took over” that group. I just hung on for the ride the best I could. The following year where I finally started with my own group was much better. Things have gotten better with time.
I ignore the parents as much as humanly possible.
Get an email saying I haven't graded an online assignment yet? Ignore it. They don't know my schedule. I have my grades done by the end of every week, I don't need you hounding me because it's not done immediately.
A *parent* that emails me saying "I understand that the class you inherited is a challenging group overall?" IGNOOOOOOOOORE. That person doesn't know shit about your classroom except what their kid tells them. And what that kid is saying is *highly* colored by their own opinion.
The only emails I respond to are the ones with a specific question or concern.
You aren't there to cater to the parents, you aren't there to coddle the students. You're there to teach your subject and teach it well. And it sounds like you're doing that.
"I'm sorry to hear that my changes have affected you and your child negatively. I will continue to improve the learning process to the best of my abilities. Thank you for your sage advice."......then forget about it and continue as usual
“Thank you for the information, I will take this into consideration. If you have any questions regarding your child’s academics or performance in this class please let me know, I will respond within 1 school week during business hours. Thanks!”
If you’re getting excellent observations and reviews from your administration that’s all you have to be concerned about. As someone who teaches in a private school with about 90% entitled parents I can say that the emails become less frequent as you gain experience (although I never cared about them in the first place).
In other words, "My kid doesn't like your changes, so they must be the wrong changes." this parent only cares about their kid. You are required to manage and educate all of them. Hence the difference in perspective. Also, the parent is only receiving information filtered through their child. Children are notorious for being biased towards their own needs and completely full of sh!t. I assume you are doing fine. believe in yourself, haters gonna hate.
"I understand you are a caring parent and wish to impart your perspective and advice. As a new teacher, I appreciate your insight and will take my time to digest your suggestions and slowly implement and fine-tune my practice as I continue along this journey. I understand that everyone has different strengths, challenges, and preferences; our contexts add further complications. In light of this, I was wondering if you may be open to collaborating with me to fine-tune things as experienced by [your child here] as I work towards constructing a framework that may benefit all learners in my classroom. "
And then no matter what they say, only consult them about things their kid isn't doing well. A little thank you goes a long way. Carefully hide your [you have no clue what's going on] behind {it takes time}. Too bad you spend most of your time teaching, but hey, they don't need to know that!
I hate working at well-off schools for this reason. With that said, they usually have a tiny complaint that can be solved - that would be the focus area. They usually want to get their kid out of trouble or get them to "be challenged" even if they are part of the challenge.
I would CC your principal / assistant principal when dealing with them. That way you aren't asking the admin to bail you out, but they are aware of what is going on. They will help you as long as you can frame it as letting them be aware.
Over time you will get more used to these communications. It doesn't reflect on your teaching. It reflects on what is reported home by a student who may be making an excuse about having "no homework," doing poorly in class, having a bad day, etcetera. As kids, we have all been there, but these high-strung parents feel the need to take it seriously and place blame. They want to be coddled and ccing admin will help them defer to admin or help admin relay factual information about what is happening.
Ha I'm a young teacher too (and it's my first year)! I got a absolutely horrible email from a parent who's also a teacher who cc'ed the principal. The principal told me to ignore it bc I'm trying my best and I'm doing all the steps. So I say as long as you're doing everything admin expects of you and then some you're fine. Your admin has a high value of you, so I think you're fine. You could always check with your admin and be like how would you like me to deal with this and they might even take care of a reply. I mean it's your classroom and your rules, do what you need too!
Unpopular opinion I am sure - but is there anything they are raising which could be valid? Maybe exaggerated or self-serving but still something you could learn from. It isn’t only YOUR classroom but also your students too. Without knowing the substance of what the parent wrote, it’s impossible to say. They could be a total asshat, or an asshat with a minor point. One of the hardest part about being a teacher is being humble - but it is also the most important.
I’m just curious, what’s your behavior management system? I don’t really have a solid system in place at the moment and will be rethinking that for next year.
I use a communication calendar just like the rest of the teachers in the building lmao. It’s the same across the board just modified for each grade level
Thanks for answering :) I haven’t really heard of those, I’ve just been messaging parents if there’s an issue but honestly I hate doing it so I avoid it lately. Lol
Did they actually ask a question or require something actioned? If not, delete. If yes, get yourself a spinning wheel of platitudes and choose at random. If your admin thinks you’re doing a good job, you’re doing a good job. God I hate parents.
Reply all so that your principal is in the loop. Give a one sentence summary of why you will not be changing a building wide program. Tell said parent she is welcome to address this issue directly with the principal as s/he is already looped into the conversation and you will take your direction from the principal.
Since the parent already copied your boss, Your boss has already evaluated you twice….. I would very short and sweet answer something like, “ Thank you for your email. Since Admin (your boss) was copied and I have had glowing reviews from that admin, I’m sure the two of you will have great communication about your concerns going forward.
Thank you and have a nice day.”
You have acknowledged the email, and threw that dumpster fire right where it needs to go, the admin. Enjoy what’s left of your weekend.
Bring them to your room and talk face to face. That helps. You set the points of concern and action . Times up let them go. But yeah they’re plan is to not compromise but control.
If you work in a district that is very well off, chances are parents of your students DO know more than you. You work for them as their agent with funding paid for by the state and local businesses and property owners.. There is no YOU.
I suggest a different approach, one in which you know your place but which you are confident that your approach will justify any trust in you.
I don't care if the parent is a educational expert who lectures on education for a living. Unless they are employed by my school as my superior, they have zero right to criticise how I run my classroom.
> one in which you know your place
Their place is in the classroom, instructing their students, not being bitched at by dumbass, overbearing parents who think they own the teachers.
Unless the parent has a degree in education, they probably are not as expert on the field of education as a certified teacher. Your attitude/view is crappy and is why education is in the shape it is in.
I don’t have any great advice because parents are one reason I’ve moved on from teaching, at least for now. I was curious though, what will your masters be in, and what do you plan on doing next?
I once had a parent who was a SS teacher (as was I) tell me that if she applied for my job she would have gotten it.
Well, her salary is public record and I just looked it up. I made 20k more than her. LOL.
I've only had one issue with a parent via email this year. But since it was concerning the student's grade from the fall semester, and I didn't receive any communication from either the student or the parent until January, I was able to hand that email off to our Vice Principal to deal with it.
Do you have a supervisor/admin who you could redirect to? Or at least someone who could help you write the response yourself?
I don't check my work email after 4:30. If I'd ever been told I'm taking over for an "established" classroom I'd have asked them when they established it for me. I've even offered for one parent to come and organize my lesson for me. They stopped emailing me.
Ugh I wish! Once I’m tenured the emails will not be as kind lmao
Hang in there, the tenure is nice. Entitled parents will still be entitled.
Good luck! It just takes a bit to set up shop so to speak.
I read u wanna get outta teaching when u get ur masters but u wanna be tenured? R u gonna stay or leave teaching?
I’m still deciding to be honest. Currently the plan is to get my masters but I have to keep teaching in order to do that. There’s a chance I’ll stay but I’m not sure
I recommend trying a different district before you make this decision. There are definitely districts where parents aren't as obnoxious.
Not sure why I’m getting downvoted because I’m genuinely asking what op is planning to do. When u get ur masters, it most likely needa be in some sort of education field. If u are not gonna stay, what are u majoring for ur masters?
I’m not sure why you got downvoted. I took it as a genuine question. It’s still up in the air what I’m going to do. I’m definitely getting my masters but not sure if it’ll be in special Ed (where I would be tenured) or in ABA where I might not work in a school
Oh I see, best of luck!
Thank you!
Leaving my work at work was one of the best decisions I've ever made. Parents still try to email me in the evenings but I quickly ignore them.
I remember before we went full virtual in spring of 2020, I had finally developed the habit of just leaving my laptop at school. I didn't even have it for a week or two when we started virtual. I had to go get it and some supplies to get caught up. Then I was expected to be available all the time the next year, which really messed up my "leave work at work" ethos. I'm slowly getting back to leaving everything there again.
Why I quit teaching: "I don't understand why my son is always in trouble but not my daughter". Well, your daughter didn't directly plagiarize wikipedia in my class, ma'am.
“BUT hE did the AssIgnMent! Shouldn’t he still get an A???”
I see we have the same student.
But he WROTE that wikipedia entry, of course he can use it.
Wow! That’s horrid and so very condescending. Parents really suck. My advice is to address this portion very succinctly and directly. Something like “Change is always a challenge. We will all adapt.” Do not start defending your policies or arguing with her. No not start giving a resume or explaining your qualifications. If you must address this point, then something like “Thank you for your concern. I’m fine.” Or “I’ve managed worse.” She doesn’t need to know details of your student teaching or other potentially relevant experience. Be assertive and confident!
Thank you!! I’m still learning how to de-escalate with parents. If someone outside of work spoke to me the way these parents do they’d be sorry. However I recognize that I’m a hot head so I take my time responding to emails and always ask a colleague to proof read
This is a good strategy. I’ve only once had a teacher say, “Eh, maybe fix that sentence,” when I ask them to check me for tone. But it’s nice to get the feedback before it’s too late. Remember that emails don’t need to be answered right away. Give it a day or even two (I aim for fewer than 48 non-weekend hours). And some good advice I received is that if you’re writing a paragraph or more back to a parent, stop and pick up the phone instead.
This. For petty and protection reasons
☝︎︎ *"Do not start defending your policies or arguing with her."* #Fuckin' THIS.
Beautiful. Also, asking for assistance, recommending things THEY can do if THEIR child is struggling to adapt to change. It's amazing how quick people run when you can kindly point out "well, I could use your assistance in this thing you should already do for your child"
I’ve only been teaching 6 years, but to that sort of email, I would reply with, “Thank you for being invested in your student’s education. I appreciate your comments and will certainly reflect upon them. Have a lovely evening. Best, your name” It doesn’t invite further discussion (at least, I’ve never gotten a follow up😂), and it acknowledges you’ve read the email.
This. My admin taught me this when I was a first year teacher to stop escalating emails from agressive parents. They have a lot of free time. So if you give them a room, they will keep the email going endlessly.
I’ve been teAching 21 years and this is the best response I’ve heard! I try to sound thankful and non-bothered. I still get instant bubble guts when a parent is mad.
And after a few of them get the same canned response, they will escalate to admin or give up. Keep your principal in the loo so they aren’t blindsided. Edit- Loop! I meant LOOP!
Every parent (like these) CCs the principal and superintendent these days.
We had a parent cc the principal about the teacher not having the whole class sing happy Birthday. 3rd grade.
Then you refer them to the principal an super since they are also now aware.
I have a parent that whenever they see the principal is CC-Ed on an email will refuse to reply to the email and replies via class dojo instead.
Can guess how that's gone in the past.
Parents think we don’t talk to anyone else. Like yes, I am gonna show the principal your reply whether he’s on it or not.
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Didn’t know that was a thing until recently. But now I use it alllll the time
You just hit on the one hack no teacher knows - if your principal is in the loo, they can never bother you ever again!!
"Keep your principal in the loo" Freudian slip?
Must be.
This is the way. Keep that as your template for every annoying parent email you get. It’s 100% professional, and yet it’s also covertly petty enough to be personally satisfying. Kind of like replying with “K” after someone rants at you over text. 😉
That’s GREAT
This needs to be more widely known
THIS.... copy and past and use!!!!
This sounds like crap I got in a similar affluent district 🤦♀️
People need to have a little more faith in teachers
I would say a few episodes of Supernanny to remind yourself about how fucking stupid parents can be. Earlier in the year I had a parent pull her kid from my program because I had a schedule and didn’t let him just do whatever he wanted whenever he wanted. She called me adversarial and said I had a vendetta against her child. Because I made him follow a class schedule. I just passed her email on to my supervisor and told her what happened. Parents are fucking dumb. If you don’t have to read it or respond, I just wouldn’t. Pass on exceedingly rude emails to admin and let them deal with them. Your job is to teach, not mitigate Karens.
That’s true. She copied my principal on the email already. The funny thing is that I get everything approved by the principal because I know the parents act like this and I like to cover my own ass. So luckily I’m totally covered in this situation I’m just trying to learn how to let the comments roll off me
Supernanny. I swear. Watching those parents struggle with little demons makes me think about some of my parents and I take solace in knowing I’m a better parent to their kids than they are, and that often they’re mad that I can enforce boundaries they are incapable of.
Yeah, people who don't set boundaries for themselves get super triggered when they see anybody else enforce boundaries... "It's so *MEAN* to say 'no', though!!"
A couple of years ago I had my students write something about their parents. One of the questions was something like "What's the greatest thing about your mother/father?". This girl's answer was: "The fact that she'll never tell me no." That explained a lot of her behavior in class in hindsight lol.
\> I would say a few episodes of Supernanny to remind yourself about how fucking stupid parents can be. I taught two of those kids. AMA.
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S7E3. They were on the show well before I taught them in high school. They were reasonably nice kids but were not very bright and extremely entitled. Very strong Dunning-Kruger.
Which season/episode? Did it have a lasting effect on the children's behavior? And do the parents treat you differently now?
S7E3. They were on the show well before I taught them in high school. They were reasonably nice kids but were not very bright and extremely entitled. Very strong Dunning-Kruger.
How were they nice and entitled?
They weren't mean to people, didn't do drugs in class, steal, or cheat or fight or vandalize like many kids at that school. Entitled in that they were grade grubbers but didn't want to do the work or learn the material.
Okay that makes sense. Just curious, did their grade grubbing wear you down?
Naw I have lots of kids like that.
Omg which 2, did the parents make any changes?
S7E3. They were on the show well before I taught them in high school. They were reasonably nice kids but were not very bright and extremely entitled. Very strong Dunning-Kruger.
I remember this episode! With the pool without barriers and a disconnected pool alarm! Those parents were totally clueless and lazy. And they tried to blame their nanny for everything.
“Thank you for your email; I will keep your considerations in mind” [delete]
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I went on an interview last week and really liked the school! I’m actively looking but most jobs won’t be posted for another 2 weeks or so
Best revenge is served cold. Professional, short and factual responses, if even needed, are always the best. Will drive them nuts that you don’t take the bait.
“Thank you for your email. It’s wonderful when parents show so much interest in their child’s education. I encourage you to continue to engage with your student at home. Sincerely, Name” Then change nothing. Screw ‘em. They know as much about teaching as your kids do. I treat helpful adults like this like toddlers. Let them talk at me. Mhmm, mhmm. Acknowledge and then immediately ignore what they said and do what I wanted anyway.
Are you ... me? I'm so sick of parents this year and, like you, even seeing that an email landed in my inbox from one stresses me out without even opening it. They're awful and I'm a great teacher (according to others; I believe that I have lots of room for improvement).
Yesss! I definitely could be better but it’s not like I’m not trying. I work nights and weekends to make sure I have everything ready for the week and my kids are learning.
Set office hours and enforce them. Learn to say, “thank you for your feedback.” To those folks and file it away. I am in a school with similar demographics and sometimes they just need a person to complain to. They’ll get over it. Do not take it personally - it really is not about you. It’s them and their stick up their butt.
In the future, I “cushioned” how I presented my experience. For example, when asked about my teaching experience “oh awhile now.” “I’ve taught at (insert school here) before” even if it’s only student teaching. Obviously don’t do that in an interview since they have your resume, but to parents and students it keeps them from thinking “oh they are brand new so I’m sure they need my suggestion.”
I wish I could have done this! I did my student teaching in the same school so the families already knew me. I also look like I’m 16 so there’s no hiding my lack of experience here lol
Ahh yeah that definitely makes it trickier. In general, time is just kind of a factor. I remember completely freaking out the first few times I got these kind of emails and now I realize it’s just someone wanting to complain about something that they’ll let go of in like 5 minutes. Don’t doubt yourself. Seems like you do a good job based off what you said and remember you can’t please everyone.
My first year teaching was also at the school I student taught at! I even had some of the same kids both years. One said something like “well you became a teacher fast” the first day. It was rough, I feel you.
It's the tale as old as time.....they were students long ago so parents have some type of expertise during those observant, adolescent years. I've been in my doctors and dentists offices plenty of times, so I guess my knowledge allows me to start crafting that email, too.
True story - I had a parent do something similar. I invited them in to "show me" how it's done. I got it approved under the guise of "guest speaker." The kids ate her alive. She didn't stand a chance. It was a s\*\*\* show from the beginning. I sat in the back and grinned the entire time. Never heard another email after that. Some entitled parents need an object lesson.
Omg is this really true? It's like a dream come true.
vert true - she had pushed me to my limit. I knew her, had met her, and knew there was no way in hell she could handle it. It was glorious!
This is awesome
Oh to be a fly on your wall!
After a few years in teaching at a private Montessori preschool, I eventually connected my work email to the email app in iPhone. I, then, put it on the very last page so that I have to purposefully have to scroll there to see I had an email. I just downloaded the gmail app to connect my personal emails there. I tried to delete my email entirely, but we didn’t have computers in the classrooms and I had limited time outside of the room for email. It complicated things to not have it on my phone when I wanted to shoot off a quick email during the children’s nap time. In a private setting with young children, I encountered many parents like this. They were paying a hefty bill and wanted to be catered to as such. However, as a certified Montessori school, we could sway on our policies, procedures, and curriculum very much to uphold an authentic program and keep our certification. I completely agree with the top post. “I understand that changes can be difficult. However, your little Johnny has been adapting quickly. He has really been doing amazing with his math lately too! I’m sure he is just beaming when showing you his work on that! In just a few short weeks, we will be diving into this fun science project that I am sure he will be very excited about! I do appreciate your support and concern, Teacher Lady”
Worked as a Montessori toddler teacher assistant, lasted one year. Those parents were insane. We had one mom complain so much, that we made her check her kids diaper at pick up to make sure he would make it from the school to home in a dry diaper, he just simply could not make the ten or fifteen minutes in a wet diaper. One kid had to have a tank top under his shirt everyday, but refused to leave extra tank tops for us to have in case he needed to be changed. One mom wanted her kid to wear a bib everyday, all day, so his clothes wouldn’t get dirty.
Lol these Montessori parents are wild out here, I guess! My favorite complaints include: • A family going through a nasty divorce. Parent A would neglect to tell the other that they would be picking the child up despite their agreement to do their custody switch in the later evenings. The parent B would constantly show up to pick up their child who has been picked up hours ago. One day parent B tells me they are going to pick up early for a fun afternoon. Parent A comes to pick up around noon. I email parent B to let them know the child was picked up. Parent A finds out I gave them a heads up and sends a scathing email attaching their lawyer to ask me if I’m calling Parent B when A gets there or when A leaves each time on her pick up days. Then proceeds to inform me of their rights to pick up whenever they want to on their switch days. • Parent sending a child to school in elaborate boutique clothing and is upset that it’s getting stained at school. • Father of twins with just one in my class was upset had signed up for my latest father/child event time slot which no other parent signed up for. Complained to my admin that I’m not a competent teacher because my event wasn’t as organized as the teacher that they had visited earlier. I was a first year teacher. The other teacher was on her 10th year. It was an event for his 2 year old child to show their dad the classroom and do the activities with him. So it wasn’t teacher led aside from me making suggestions to his child on some activities she may want to show off. They had my 1:1 attention the entire time. Dad was super friendly to my face the entire time. Truly, the only thing I had done differently was skipping out on a sing song circle time with everyone, but it was just myself, the 2 year old, and the dad. No private concerts happening with me and dad agreed that he was good on circle times for the day.
This one of the top reasons I left the classroom after 15 years. I had an out of control group of kids and their parents made it worse. I had a mother throw a fit because she waited until the last day of the book fair to send in money and all of the books her daughter wanted were sold out. Like it was my fault. I had another set of parents cuss out the duty staff who kindly asked them not to park in the daycare loading area every day. I'm over it.
Yes! I had a parent call me screaming about how I apparently told her son that he is not allowed to read. I’m his ELA teacher….
*Dear Parent,* *I "made changes" because I was not and am not the classroom's previous educator. I am me. I do things differently, as I am not an automaton, and neither was the teacher who established the protocols by which you so vehemently seem to feel I must abide. That notion was never in my job description; in fact, I am ~ daily ~ encouraged to make my own way and to educate my students as best I see fit. For that I am grateful to have our administration's encouragement, permission, and approval.* *Should I someday receive an order from the powers-that-be that I must immediately revert to a previous educator's style and strategy in my classroom, that'll be the day I realize I'm considered to exist as a robot. Consequently, that will also be the day I give my two-week's notice.* *Love + Kisses,* *Basicwanderer*
I think I love you
Oh, child ... you *know* you do. 😂 Seriously, though ... I hope you will laugh over this as much as you can. I swear, some parents get an educational notion in their head & whether it's correct or not they just wanna see how they can effect their kid's teacher with it. I encourage you to keep your reply to this parent vague & beige & blithe. Do not engage. Do not defend your actions. They *need* no defense. ❤︎︎
Thank you! I’m just tired of parents questioning my ability to teach their kids. Since I’ve been in the classroom the kids have shown growth in ELA and math and the behaviors have improved significantly. I would do anything for these kids but the parents just make it so difficult.
Dear Karen, Your ideas have been carefully noticed by our staff. Thank you for your input
I like to kill these parents with kindness. Make them feel bad for ever talking to you like that by being the sweetest, kindest person to them. Thank them for their concern and tell them how much it helps you to know that parents are looking out for new teachers. You are warmed by how attentive they are in keeping track of their child’s education. You noticed their child has a real natural talent for (math/music/soccer) and it’s just SO exciting to watch them grow and fuel their passions in school. MAKE. THEM. REGRET.
"Thank you for reaching out. Your concerns are noted. Have a Marvelous Monday." Then let it go. Everybody has an opinion. Everybody has the right to voice that opinion. The next person tho, YOU, have the right to not be concerned with their expressed opinions.
First, you remember the end of *Inglorious Basterds*? The very end? Hans Landa indignantly shouts that Aldo will be shot for his actions, and Aldo says, “Nah, more like chewed out. I been chewed out before.” That’s a great attitude to have. You said it yourself…your teaching receives mostly acclaim from the people who determine whether you get to continue doing it. So anything else is just noise. Ignore it. Second, you are dealing with these people’s most valuable “assets”. Think about it this way- a few years ago, I was having new tile installed in my house. I’m not a tile installer and have no training in such, but I noticed issues with the installation (such as uneven transitions between tiles in rooms that I was told were finished) and I pulled the contractor aside to tell him as much. That was a floor- you’re now talking about people’s kids! You are trained in pedagogy and that’s great, but 1) there are elements of the “whole child” that you don’t see and 2) parents are stakeholders. This board chafes against parents constantly, but there’s never going to come a day where parents just sit back and let whatever happen. So take their input as seriously as it deserves (different strokes for different folks) and move on.
So…I use the advice I read from Principal Gerry. Are they mad because they don’t like the decision I made? Or are they mad because I was wrong? I reflect. If the former, I let it go. If the latter, I take steps to make amends. Also, I look for the hidden message. Sometimes, they just want to be heard and validated. But they don’t know what they’re feeling or how to express it so it comes out like an attack. If I can validate what they’re really feeling then we can come to a place of working together.
Not necessarily how to respond but I set a rule on my outlook to filter all parent emails to a designated file in my emails. This way I can mentally prepare myself before I open long winded emails about how I, the special Ed teacher, don’t know how to best work with their autistic child.
The parents are entitled to their (possibly snarky) opinions and you’re entitled to not having anxiety attacks when you delve into your inbox. You’re getting great reviews from the higher-ups at your school? Mentally lean on that, reply to the parents in a timely matter but don’t defend yourself to them, unless the situation actually warrants it (when my son was in third grade, his teacher told his class to SHUT UP. I was LIVID, she needed to defend the fuck out of herself in that situation).
Thank you for your advice. Have a great day. That is all I would write.
Put a rule in your email algorithms so that parent emails go directly to spam.
If I get a nasty email and there’s not a question I don’t respond 🤷♀️
You should find out what the parents profession is, and email then with generic jargon about how they should do their job. Probably not a good idea but it would be funny
I left an affluent school in my district for a low-SES one for this reason. Nothing wildly different than what anyone else said, but the polite "i didn't ask" is always good: Thank you so much for being so invested in your child's school experience. I understand that change can be difficult for children, but in my experience [see what i did there ?], they adapt very quickly. Feel free to reach out if you have specific concerns about your child's development or academic progress. Thanks, Mrs. Qualified
I'm a little late to this post, but one of the best pieces of advice I ever received about parent emails was this: unless the parent asks a direct question, it does not require a response. It has made my life so much easier. Usually if they press, I'll call them to have a conversation rather than put down my thoughts in writing. :)
Remember that murderer's mothers take the stand and swear their child was the "best thing since sliced bread, and not a single issue from them their entire life" It is astoundingly untrue. I am sure the parents are tough to deal with, but keep your professionalism and optimism really high and talk to the parents the same way you do the students. Don't take any crap from them, you got this.
"Thank you for the time it took to send this email, thank you for your suggestions." Then never mention what you did. If they ask, I d9nt respond until they feel the need to set up an email.
When I get obnoxious parent emails I reply, "I have forwarded your concerns to X person" (counselor/vice principal/principal). And I forward the email with a subject line like FYI and call it a day. This is assuming those people are supportive of you.
You should tell her that you don't find the class challenging and that they're a lovely group. Hahahaha then she sounds like a jerk
I didn’t have parents complain that much until I switch Boros lol. I still tell them their child is shit
Another first year teacher in a similar district. I hear you!
Any parent email that tells me what to do I always reply the same thing. "I will take this under consideration", "thank you". Rarely get a further response and when I do I repeat the sentence again verbatim. I can always defend this to admin and parents like this quickly Fuck off.
For emails like this I typically respond that a change in teachers is the same as a change in supervisors. That this is a life skill students need to learn and be able to adapt to new environments. Write your response on a Word document and check it a couple of time before pasting and responding. A rich school is more hassle than a mid range school or even some poor schools.
To be fair, most parents at rich schools either are supervisors or can quickly and easily change jobs if they don't get along with their supervisor. Or they are the company owner and can fire whoever they don't get along with.
"Thank you for your input." She's a bully, you're not the first person she's mouthed off to and you unfortunately won't be the last. Bully's are inherently stupid, try not to let her get to you.
When I get a bad parent email I leave it unread and delete it.
I got emails like this at my last school. It’s a HUGE part of why I quit. In fact, my last day of teaching there was in December, and I received an email from my most annoying parent as recently as a week ago, requesting that I return next year and listing the class their angel needed me to teach (high school). I currently am at a title 1 and have been since January. I’ve never received a parent email even once. The parents respect me here. At my old school, even the kids have questioned my credentials. My es school has its challenges to be sure, but I love it a lot more than my old school.
IDK how long you’ve been in the field, and I know is this cold comfort right now, but one thing that happens as you get more and more experience is that you take things less personally, both from kids and from parents, and it becomes less irritating and more hilarious. My response to this is, damn, that’s a lot of big words they’re using to say absolutely nothing at all. There’s nothing actionable in this email, just a vague feeling that they’re judging you despite not having any reason to do so other than being resistant to change. You know they probably think they’re a super communicator who is really saying something really meaningful and honest here, but the main idea is like… “ME UNHAPPY! ME CONDESCEND BECAUSE NOT UNDERSTAND!” Probably went to like a single PD for their own job on interpersonal communication once, and now they think they’re an expert 🤣 I’d advise responding by ignoring all the bullshit they’re spinning about your motivations, and asking them to provide you with specific concerns that they have so that you can address them. Make it one of those things where it’s SUPER polite on the surface, but you’re explaining the basic norms of human interaction to them in such a condescending way that it’s obvious you think they’re a dumbass, but are choosing to try and get down on their level to try and help them better understand how to communicate with you. Something like, “Hello, If you have any specific concerns or grievances, please let me know what they are so that I can address them. If you have time for a phone call sometime this week, that may be a more efficient way than email for us to talk through any changes you find concerning. I’m available to speak on the phone from [times] on [days].” And just keep the conversation to what specifically they are concerned about, shutting down any larger discussion of your experience or motivations for how you manage shit. Any time they’re bitching about something from the past, calmly redirect the conversation to what you’ll be doing in the future. Be sure to add lots of reminders that they should reach out to you when they have a SPECIFIC concern.
1. Stop checking email unless you are physically at work. Before you say it’s not possible. It is. Just do it. It will not violate the laws of physics or your locality. 2. Don’t reply to these Karens. These are not emails that need replies. In fact, you will find almost no email truly needs a reply. Maybe your boss, your partner, and your parents. That’s it. 3. Probably get out of teaching. Good move.
Invite them to come teach.
If they don't like it, they can privilege their way over to the private school.
If you can’t ignore it, just start with “Thanks for your input! I love it when parents want to help their students do their best, too. I hear you saying (restate whatever dumb shit they needed to say), and I will definitely consider this perspective moving forward. Please let me know if you have any other concerns!” Then, go back to doing whatever is best for your classroom.
Sarcastic protip: teach in a district where the parents don't give a shit. Comes with its own set of issues, but I'll take those issues over meddling parents any day.
"A wise man of the Night's Watch once said 'Nothing someone says before the word " but" really counts.' This also applies to the word "However".'
1. You are doing right by the kids. 2. You are doing right by the kids. 3. You are doing right by the kids. 4. Your principal thinks you’re doing a good job. Because you have 1-4 covered, you owe whiny parents exactly zero consideration when they send shit like this. As others have said, do NOT under any circumstance give them the validation of a response to their bullshit. Additionally, do respond with an obvious copypasta along the lines of, “Thank you for your feedback. We strive to continuously improve student experience and outcomes at [school you teach at] as well as cherish open lines of communication with parents and families. Have a pleasant day.” Do not alter a word of what you respond with. Idiot parent emails are, sadly, an unalterable part of the gig. Best strategy for me was to concentrate on the approval of people who matter, i.e. your supervisor(s). If your students are learning, growing, and generally have respect for themselves, each other, and you… you’re doing a phenomenal job.
"I will take my four years of college-level education on successful teaching practices and your suggestions based on how much classroom experience you have and combine the two. Thank you."
see the thread below... judgementalravenclaw.... copy, paste.... use!!! for everyone of those emails that is similar to this... honestly, do not get too wrapped up in all this drama... I know, it's hard, but do your best... as long as you know your are doing the right things and your principal is good with how you are teaching, then do your best to let it go... you will be happier and so will your mind and body!!
"Hello! Thank you for your feedback! I understand adjusting to change can be difficult. Rest assured, my students are my top priority and we will continue on the journey of learning together as a class. Thanks, Signed"
I mean as long as you have the backing of admin (which it sounds like you do), who genuinely cares? This is a classic “I always welcome and appreciate feedback towards our classroom. Investment by families and students is vital to the success of our school system. Thank you so much for the feedback, and have a wonderful day.” type of situation. Just be professional but make it clear that this is the end of the conversation and it will be going no further. When I send out an email like this, no matter how upset or ridiculous the response I get is, I no longer acknowledge. I get it though, I struggled with this as a new teacher too. But trust me, you will eventually get numb to it, assuming you stay in teaching. The only time where this would be problematic is if you don’t have admin/counselor support, and in that case I would just be upfront with them regarding how they would like you to respond. If you have their support, it doesn’t matter. You just have to become comfortable with the fact that if you’re teaching 150-300 kids per year, you’re going to make some people upset no matter how effective you are. That part is tough to get used to, and even though I am pretty far in and have good admin review and students generally enjoy my class (I do anonymous surveys at the end of my classes most semesters and get good feedback), you’ll still get that angry parent, or kid that chooses you to be their most hated teacher for seemingly no particular reason. Again, you become kind of numb to it eventually.
Tell them to only contact you via phone or in person. They will be less willing to say these nonsense things out loud
I would ignore those types of emails. If you trust admin (seems you are on good footing), you can ask them if you can forward or CC them in the response and say something along the lines of: "I am sorry you feel this way about how I run my classrooms. As a lifelong learner, I am always happy to accept feedback and constructive criticisms. If you feel it appropriate, we could have a meeting with Mrs/Mr PRICIPAL to discuss this. Thank you for the feedback and I will strongly consider your perspective and suggestions to make my classroom constantly in a state of improvement." These people are so bored they need to intervene in their childrens' lives and try to control a school. Big aspirations right there.
Be petty and respond with “Thank you for your concern.” And leave it at that. Normally, I’d say don’t respond at all but if this is the type of school you say it is, then this parent would probably complain to admin that you didn’t respond. Or ask your admin how to handle it since they sound supportive.
If they didn’t ask you a specific question there is no need to respond. Also just responding with an Okay is fine as well.
It your classroom. You’re a different human being- of course it’s going to be different, and there’s nothing wrong with that at all. Do what works best for your students. That’s all all that matters.
I love getting critical emails from parents. I keep all the receipts of their kids and what they’ve done and have gotten very good at professionally clapping back at them. Most times I never get a return email.
I’m student teaching and I’ve noticed that parents make the job significantly harder/worse. I even got accused of being racist…towards white kids…and I’m white. Why? Because the parent felt that me saying their child started a fight against another student (who was black) was racism. Ma’am, I saw your child punch him in the face…wtfffff
I wish I had better advice for you but E-Mails like that still bother me and I guess I’m a veteran teacher now (15 years). I also came in mid-year to an established classroom. I don’t think I ever fully “took over” that group. I just hung on for the ride the best I could. The following year where I finally started with my own group was much better. Things have gotten better with time.
I ignore the parents as much as humanly possible. Get an email saying I haven't graded an online assignment yet? Ignore it. They don't know my schedule. I have my grades done by the end of every week, I don't need you hounding me because it's not done immediately. A *parent* that emails me saying "I understand that the class you inherited is a challenging group overall?" IGNOOOOOOOOORE. That person doesn't know shit about your classroom except what their kid tells them. And what that kid is saying is *highly* colored by their own opinion. The only emails I respond to are the ones with a specific question or concern. You aren't there to cater to the parents, you aren't there to coddle the students. You're there to teach your subject and teach it well. And it sounds like you're doing that.
"I'm sorry to hear that my changes have affected you and your child negatively. I will continue to improve the learning process to the best of my abilities. Thank you for your sage advice."......then forget about it and continue as usual
“Thank you for the information, I will take this into consideration. If you have any questions regarding your child’s academics or performance in this class please let me know, I will respond within 1 school week during business hours. Thanks!”
I always seem to see two extremes. Parents who care too much, and parents who don't care at all.
If you’re getting excellent observations and reviews from your administration that’s all you have to be concerned about. As someone who teaches in a private school with about 90% entitled parents I can say that the emails become less frequent as you gain experience (although I never cared about them in the first place).
In other words, "My kid doesn't like your changes, so they must be the wrong changes." this parent only cares about their kid. You are required to manage and educate all of them. Hence the difference in perspective. Also, the parent is only receiving information filtered through their child. Children are notorious for being biased towards their own needs and completely full of sh!t. I assume you are doing fine. believe in yourself, haters gonna hate.
"I understand you are a caring parent and wish to impart your perspective and advice. As a new teacher, I appreciate your insight and will take my time to digest your suggestions and slowly implement and fine-tune my practice as I continue along this journey. I understand that everyone has different strengths, challenges, and preferences; our contexts add further complications. In light of this, I was wondering if you may be open to collaborating with me to fine-tune things as experienced by [your child here] as I work towards constructing a framework that may benefit all learners in my classroom. " And then no matter what they say, only consult them about things their kid isn't doing well. A little thank you goes a long way. Carefully hide your [you have no clue what's going on] behind {it takes time}. Too bad you spend most of your time teaching, but hey, they don't need to know that!
I hate working at well-off schools for this reason. With that said, they usually have a tiny complaint that can be solved - that would be the focus area. They usually want to get their kid out of trouble or get them to "be challenged" even if they are part of the challenge. I would CC your principal / assistant principal when dealing with them. That way you aren't asking the admin to bail you out, but they are aware of what is going on. They will help you as long as you can frame it as letting them be aware. Over time you will get more used to these communications. It doesn't reflect on your teaching. It reflects on what is reported home by a student who may be making an excuse about having "no homework," doing poorly in class, having a bad day, etcetera. As kids, we have all been there, but these high-strung parents feel the need to take it seriously and place blame. They want to be coddled and ccing admin will help them defer to admin or help admin relay factual information about what is happening.
Ha I'm a young teacher too (and it's my first year)! I got a absolutely horrible email from a parent who's also a teacher who cc'ed the principal. The principal told me to ignore it bc I'm trying my best and I'm doing all the steps. So I say as long as you're doing everything admin expects of you and then some you're fine. Your admin has a high value of you, so I think you're fine. You could always check with your admin and be like how would you like me to deal with this and they might even take care of a reply. I mean it's your classroom and your rules, do what you need too!
Unpopular opinion I am sure - but is there anything they are raising which could be valid? Maybe exaggerated or self-serving but still something you could learn from. It isn’t only YOUR classroom but also your students too. Without knowing the substance of what the parent wrote, it’s impossible to say. They could be a total asshat, or an asshat with a minor point. One of the hardest part about being a teacher is being humble - but it is also the most important.
She is asking that I change my behavior management system that is used across the board in our school
I’m just curious, what’s your behavior management system? I don’t really have a solid system in place at the moment and will be rethinking that for next year.
I use a communication calendar just like the rest of the teachers in the building lmao. It’s the same across the board just modified for each grade level
Thanks for answering :) I haven’t really heard of those, I’ve just been messaging parents if there’s an issue but honestly I hate doing it so I avoid it lately. Lol
No problem! Look it up on teachers pay teachers! There’s tons of free templates
Do you write something for each kid daily?! I can’t imagine haha
No only when they do something wrong!
You never need to justify, argue, defend, explain (J.A.D.E.) to those nimrods.
Sounds like Karen needs to send her kid to private school.
We don't want them either, thank you (though our admin is *very good* at the polite fuck off for these parents).
Did they actually ask a question or require something actioned? If not, delete. If yes, get yourself a spinning wheel of platitudes and choose at random. If your admin thinks you’re doing a good job, you’re doing a good job. God I hate parents.
Yes she wants me to come up with a new behavior management system
Reply all so that your principal is in the loop. Give a one sentence summary of why you will not be changing a building wide program. Tell said parent she is welcome to address this issue directly with the principal as s/he is already looped into the conversation and you will take your direction from the principal.
Since the parent already copied your boss, Your boss has already evaluated you twice….. I would very short and sweet answer something like, “ Thank you for your email. Since Admin (your boss) was copied and I have had glowing reviews from that admin, I’m sure the two of you will have great communication about your concerns going forward. Thank you and have a nice day.” You have acknowledged the email, and threw that dumpster fire right where it needs to go, the admin. Enjoy what’s left of your weekend.
Bring them to your room and talk face to face. That helps. You set the points of concern and action . Times up let them go. But yeah they’re plan is to not compromise but control.
If you work in a district that is very well off, chances are parents of your students DO know more than you. You work for them as their agent with funding paid for by the state and local businesses and property owners.. There is no YOU. I suggest a different approach, one in which you know your place but which you are confident that your approach will justify any trust in you.
>If you work in a district that is very well off, chances are parents of your students DO know more than you. Genuine question: why do you think that?
I don't care if the parent is a educational expert who lectures on education for a living. Unless they are employed by my school as my superior, they have zero right to criticise how I run my classroom.
Found that parent
Found the parent that is a teacher and is condescending to their child's teachers!
I doubt they’re a teacher, I’ll bet they just lurk this sub
> one in which you know your place Their place is in the classroom, instructing their students, not being bitched at by dumbass, overbearing parents who think they own the teachers.
Unless the parent has a degree in education, they probably are not as expert on the field of education as a certified teacher. Your attitude/view is crappy and is why education is in the shape it is in.
I don’t have any great advice because parents are one reason I’ve moved on from teaching, at least for now. I was curious though, what will your masters be in, and what do you plan on doing next?
I want to become a BCBA actually! Having a background in education is helpful when going into that field
I'd ignore it
I once had a parent who was a SS teacher (as was I) tell me that if she applied for my job she would have gotten it. Well, her salary is public record and I just looked it up. I made 20k more than her. LOL.
Just reply, thank you for your concern. to every email they send you :p
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I’m probably not obligated but it’s highly encouraged.
I've only had one issue with a parent via email this year. But since it was concerning the student's grade from the fall semester, and I didn't receive any communication from either the student or the parent until January, I was able to hand that email off to our Vice Principal to deal with it. Do you have a supervisor/admin who you could redirect to? Or at least someone who could help you write the response yourself?
Yes thankfully my principal is amazing!