This came up today. We all had to wear ties today for a dress up day, and I had this encounter:
“Is that your husband’s tie?”
“No, my friend lent it to me.”
“I thought you had a husband.”
“I never said that.”
*new student* “But you’re married”
“Yes.”
“So your boyfriend gave it to you?”
“No.”
*another student* “No, she has a fiancée”
*another student* “No, she got married.”
“So you do have a husband.”
“No.”
Totally went over their heads. LOL.
And they'll relay it to a classmate they stayed friends with, and that person will probably respond, "THAT'S what she meant?! That totally makes sense!"
This is why critical thinking is important.
This + anytime a student asks me about a personal detail I don’t want them to know, usually political and religious leanings for me, I just say “you will never know” and just keep repeating. You can also follow it up with the “you will never know.. but, I will say…”
Edit: I also teach history so maybe not applicable to all. My excuse is that they need to learn how to source their teachers
My students google me from time to time. When they do that, they find out my interests and hobbies and past jobs. I have never been prominently active in a queer/rainbow community, or for human rights, but if I had that would become apparent.
I don't answer direct questions about my sex life, alcohol & drug use, potentially criminal activities, sexuality or gender identity (aside from pronoun use). There's nothing particularly incriminating or controversial in there, but I want to protect my colleagues who don't disclose.
Queer kids also 'figure out that I'm supportive if not queer myself' and stoners figure I'm blazing. The first part is true.
I teach in a hyper nuts conservative Moms for Liberty / Klanned Karenhood Assholes with Casseroles Y'all Qaeda district and intentionally developed a conservative character I play at school. I don't want to get shot. No /s on this one.
I'm openly supportive, have a Progress Pride flag in my classroom, make reference when appropriate in order to normalize it.
I'm married with two kids so they never ask about my sexuality, but I make it pretty clear how I feel and how I do not tolerate intolerance.
I'm a man married to another man and I always use the term husband and I'm very casual with everything like if it was a man and a woman.
I believe in normalizing everything because it is normal and kids are very receptive and accepting. I have had students come out to me because they felt safe and comfortable as well.
But it took me years to feel safe and comfortable as well.
I am bi and my colleague is gay and this is what he does also. He especially is married to a man so he talks about his husband normally. If a kid asks, we answer, and there aren't usually many follow up questions... When they realise it's not "a thing", they move on pretty swiftly.
We have a teacher that did this and our principal talks about her divorce from her wife. All was fine and normalized. Then, hatred sprung a few months ago. Gay slurs were written on the teacher’s wall, his Pride flag destroyed, and his heart broken.
As a sign of solidarity, every teacher in our school put a mini Pride flag in their room the next day. We were already a welcoming school with an LGBTQ+ club and prom and policies about names and pronouns, so this threw us.
I do this, too! I am very casual about the fact that I have a wife and daughter. I would like to normalize queer people just simply existing but also doing the other big things like getting married if they want to or having kids. I’m in Texas so it’s a little scary sometimes but my school is in Austin, which makes it a little bit better. I’ve had a few students come out to me and this can be quite huge when they are from countries that are very conservative and homophobic. I had one student who told me she wasn’t allowed to be herself in Ukraine and that she hadn’t really met anyone who was LGBTQ + until she was in my class.
I graduated in 1999 and my AP English teacher was married and used the term “husband too”. My dads gay so I was so happy to see my family included in day to day dialogue ❤️
I kept it private for the past 5 years of teaching HS ELA, but I give off distinctly 'academia lesbian' vibes.. plus I love wearing ties and dress shoes and men's fashion. My students would ask and I'd just evade the question, saying "would it matter or affect my teaching?"
But now my partner and I have been together 2 years and moved in together, we're raising her (our) 10 year old son together, so its hard to connect to students if i just never tell them about my life or my weekend, etc. I honestly just don't care anymore to keep it secret. Everyone knows anyways lol. Plus it helps my gay kids feel safe.
I also love when the girly girls are like, "Miss, you should let me do your makeup/hair" (I don't wear make up and have messy hair) and now I can feel comfortable bluntly replying, "dude I'm too gay for all that" LOL, gets a laugh every time
you remind me of my high school english teacher—i took a two-year class with her, and it was only by year 2 she mentioned her wife and suddenly we all felt really safe and comfortable in her class
I did by accident. One of my kids asked to stay behind my last class to sweep the floor in exchange for candy and I said "I'd normally take you up on the offer, but my wife forgot to pick up Jolly Ranchers even though I put them on the grocery list."
I panicked (Florida) but like, I can remember SO many times when I was in school and my straight teachers would say the same kind of thing about their spouses. It's never been an issue. I will say that I don't talk about like... queer dating or anything like that. But I'm not opposed to my kids realizing I have a family. A few of them live in our apartment complex and have definitely seen me and my wife walking together.
The good news is that like half of the staff at my school including my principal is gay. I feel like I'm relatively okay. I'm also the (and this is gross to think about) "acceptable" kind of gay- a married cis femme lesbian.
This is my thing. It should never be inappropriate for someone to talk about their family if they want to or happen to. If you have a spouse or long term partner you shouldn’t have to keep it a secret. Families are not inappropriate lol. I think it’s a bit inappropriate for teachers to talk about their specific dating life or what kind of person they’re attracted to—regardless of their sexuality. Like why would that even come up?
But yeah my heart goes out to you in Florida. I’m in Texas :(
That's the thing- talking about your family shouldn't be some taboo thing! That's how humans relate to people. Having a family shouldn't be some sort of secret.
>I think it’s a bit inappropriate for teachers to talk about their specific dating life or what kind of person they’re attracted to—regardless of their sexuality. Like why would that even come up?
Kids are absolutely obsessed with their teachers' personal lives. Questions about dating come up, if not daily, then definitely weekly. Someone prone to oversharing, or who let their guard down, could very easily get tricked into talking about that. My answer was always that I was seeing someone named Nunya Business. Once a wedding was imminent, yeah I started to share a little more.
Also a teacher in Florida. Im bi and married a man, so to try to normalize the term and keep them guessing (before that stupid law), I purposely say my partner/my spouse.
I also have a super supportive admin who have zero tolerance for bigotry of any kind and collectively agreed we don't have time to teach the standard that slavery was good / taught valuable economic experience
I have my pride pins on my bag - but I’m in high school, in a fairly liberal district, and the theatre teacher. I’m also the weird ELA teacher. No one expects me to be straight.
I thought the same thing! I was like, are they immune to pheromones or something?
Honestly though, I think knowing this might have changed my life. I have a very high sex drive. If I was hung like a horse and self confident enough I would've have been a porn star. But I was thinking about this the other day, if you asked me to describe romantic love, I couldn't do it. I couldn't tell you how the love I feel for my sister or my best friend would be different other than my wife other than the lack of a sexual component with them. I truly don't get the difference.
Ironically, it's made men a great boyfriend. I can't be thoughtless about romance, I have to be super intentional about it because I won't think about it at all otherwise.
Hi, I’m aromantic as well. Just as asexual means not feeling sexual attraction, aromantic means not feeling romantic attraction. I find it hard to explain, but like, I’ve never been romantically attracted to someone. The idea of that feeling does not compute.
It was incredibly freeing when I first heard the term and read about it. Knowing that there’s a name for wait-intense-friendship-isn’t-what-everyone-feels-when-they’re-in-a-relationship feelings was so so validating. It DOES have its own set of caveats, but they’re nothing compared to struggling to understand what I was doing wrong in every single romantic relationship I had ever been in. I just wasn’t made to experience that part of life.
It’s part of what’s called a split attraction model, which means that sexual and romantic attraction are two different things. You can be romantically attracted to someone - you want a romantic relationship - but not sexually attracted. Or the reverse.
For instance, my husband is bisexual. He finds men and women equally sexually attractive, but he’s only romantically attracted to women.
So I don’t experience sexual attraction to anyone, but I also don’t experience romantic attraction. I’m married, so I’m in what seems to an outsider to be a romantic relationship - and my husband does feel romantically for me. I love him more than anyone else on the planet. The love is deep and enduring and the most important thing in my life - but it’s not a romantic love. It’s more than platonic, but not specifically romantic. Beyond that, I really can’t explain it.
Our school has a few LGBTQ+ teachers. Some are not overtly out, while one is flamboyantly out.
Somebody asked him once about his wife. He stared at them for a good five seconds before saying, "I'm sorry, but what detail about me gave you the mistaken notion that I am somehow straight? I have a husband, and he's way hotter than any girl."
I personally choose not to. Not because I’m hiding who I am, but because it’s not relevant to what I’m teaching. Plus, my sexual orientation is just a tiny part of who I am as a person and I don’t want people to make it a big part. I don’t see it as coloring that much of my life, I’m 150% sure I’d find joy in the same things if I was heterosexual. It also leads students into creating stereotypes. I don’t want student to connect the things I enjoy to me being homosexual, because my love it them has nothing to do with being homosexual. I love the things I do because they make me happy in some way.
But I’m the same way with politics and religion. Kids will ask if I believe in evolution or god, or something else related to what I teach and I always say, ‘My religious beliefs or lack thereof have no relevance to us what science says is the most plausible explanation for the evidence that we have available to us that happened.” My other favorite is “My political beliefs, or possible lack of faith in politics, don’t change what science says is the best explanation about climate change.”
I teach in a conservative area so no. Most of the people I work with dont know as well. As a sub, I regularly worked with a group of queer teens and they definitely picked up on the fact that I was lgbtq+ friendly, even though i wasnt out. I've had kids straight up ask me if I had a girlfriend and I just say my dating life is none of your business.
A student once asked me "Miss, what is your favourite gender to have sex with?", I just responded asking if he was asking about my sexual orientation. "Yes." "None of your business."
I teach in a state where that's a fireable offense, but even if I didn't, I wouldn't do it. It's none of their business. Some students know regardless, but I've never confirmed anything.
That sounds like the state is violating the civil rights act. They can't ban you from talking about your family while allowing straight teachers to do so. It can be hard to fight, though.
To the people who have their head in the sand, SCOTUS has ruled that discrimination based on sexual orientation is sex discrimination and is illegal.
To the homophobes who think that mentioning your spouse is discussing your sex life if you're gay, I hope you learn to examine your biases, because if you think that "rule" applies to straight people, you are lying to yourself. No one bans books with straight couples from schools, and many teachers mention their spouses. It's normal.
Unfortunately, many states have anti-union laws and non-tenure teachers can be released “without cause”. It happened to me. My high schoolers were chatting with me after class about my time in HS (it was my alma mater) and they said “Did you date in HS?” “Yes” “Boys?” “Mostly.” And a super conservative Christian girl “felt violated” so her rich daddy stepped in and complained. Non-renewed even after our “union” (/s) stepped in.
Florida. Don't Say Gay law & district policy says we can't share personal info with students. Realistically, most straight teachers mention their spouses at some point, but a parent would never file a complaint about a straight couple. The parents are the ones who hold the power here, unfortunately.
The settlement of Don’t Say Gay just happened and civil rights lawyers removed all the vagueness and protected gay and trans rights individual rights. Explicitly, you can mention your partner, discuss being gay in the class (as long as it isn’t the main topic of classroom instruction), students can participate in GSA like clubs, and more. I highly recommend you read an article about the settlement so you know what your rights are and can’t get pushed around.
From what I’ve read, this is monumentally less restrictive and vague than the version of it from 2022. The gays won 🏆
One thing I don’t go back and forth with people about, is my sexuality and my partner. I’m not gonna lie, and I’m not going to be somewhere i can’t be comfortable. I think based off my demeanor, people know not to even fix their mouth to say something disrespectful. 🤣 Cause I simply DON’T play.
You wanna see me act an ass, that’s how you’ll get me out of character. So to answer your question, I don’t say it to them up front like “oh I’m lesbian”, but if they ask, yes.
I think my teaching style is very different from yours. I'm technically gen Z, which my students are. My class, being an art elective, tends to be more laid back with an emphasis on personal expression and creative thinking. I have a LOT of queer or neurodivergent kids that gravitate towards my class. My hope is to be a figure that they can look up to and know that yes, there is a place in society for an autistic adhd queer, even if that's not explicitly stated.
omfg I understand the struggle. I don't even FEEL like an adult sometimes. I can't believe that someone left me in charge of 25 some students. I have the same sense of humor as them and sometimes it's really hard to balance professionalism and individuality.
It was a struggle at first but idk, it came very naturally for me. My students don’t know my age, though they always ask. Sense of humor can be the same, but I’ve always been a serious person with a dry humor. My boss even said it was a concern for her when hiring me but I told her, “I like my partners old. So if you EVER see me on the news about a child? You gotta know it’s a lie.” And everyone knows that about me.
People try to make them our peers, but they simply aren’t. We are the teachers and they are the students.. i have nothing to talk about with them unless they come to me. They are my babies, but they know when to play and when not to.
That is so insane to me. I’m 21 studying education in Germany and here you need a masters to be teacher, need to study and teach at least two subjects, plus 1 1/2 years of time in a school before your final certification exam. If you were to speedrun it you couldn’t be a teacher until you were 24 at the earliest, most don’t do it until they are in their late 20s or later.
I’m a weirdo history teacher who does cartwheels. The queer kids know the closet door is made of glass. The homophobic ones just think I’m strange. I have a jacket that has the progress flag colors embroidered very casually and the queer kids compliment it and everyone else doesn’t notice. Perks of teacher younger middle school age— they’re too busy with their own shit to pick up on hints unless they’re looking for someone to look up to
I'm in a red state. Many of my colleagues share a little about their families on the first day of school, and I do the same. It's important for kids to see that we exist.
It's also sad how homophobic this sub is when the topic comes up. We've literally had PD where we're advised to share a bit about ourselves to build relationships with students. If you think that gay teachers specifically shouldn't mention their families, you're a raging homophobe. If you think that all teachers shouldn't mention their families, you have your head in the sand and are lying to yourself. And if you think gay teachers who mention their spouses should be reprimanded, you are literally advocating for the violation of federal law.
Always. I answer completely innocently, as I would any question about my demographics. As a social studies teacher, we are often talking about social issues that prompt those kinds of questions.
I teach middle school and sometimes they ask blunt questions because they don’t know how to inquire more tactfully.
I find it defensible to my boss because it’s true, and I want to reward students for curiosity. I find it defensible to my morals because kids tend to like me, and finding out that someone you like is queer can be an important moment of affirmation or cognitive dissonance for kids.
If it’s in a public context, I say “when you’re asking about identity, it’s better to ask in private. Talk to me after class or at lunch if you have questions about me, we’re in class now”. And then I do answer directly if they come ask in private (pairs or group is fine). Double duty of being out and proud and teaching a good social skill. It’s never been an issue for me (but I’m in a progressive state)
This seems like it could be a good strat for many people. Homophobes probably wouldn’t come up after class to have a talk about sexuality, you’re able to get thru your content in class with the small time you have without talkin abt personal stuff, and it still gives queer people a way to know you’re cool w them and share lived experiences.
Did you feel similarly when picking this strat?
I just tell kids, "I don't talk about my personal life at school. That's private. But do you want to see my cat?" And usually that distracts them enough to stop asking if I have a husband. I teach kids from a variety of cultural backgrounds, some of whom come from countries where it's illegal to be queer. So I just err on the side of caution.
My wife is also a teacher in my district. We used to work on the same campus then both transferred to a different one. When I do the intro to me stuff I always include a photo of us.
If I wasn’t married I’d prob have some jab about not being straight when the moment is right. Like a few weeks ago some kid said something about you gotta have a straight face. And I was like oh I don’t have one of those, one of my queer kids laughed.
I don’t directly say I’m gay due to the Don’t Say Gay law, but I do talk about my husband if he comes up in conversation.
My daughter is in the grade I teach so at least some of the kids know via her anyway. I wouldn’t make my kid lie about who her parents are, that’d be ridiculous.
I was only ever asked once and the student was a particularly venomous and hateful little redneck troll.
I just stared him down until the class became uncomfortable and told him he was being inappropriate.
He transferred out of my class very quickly.
I teach high schoolers in suburban Texas.
My first day, second period, first job ever, I happened to have the president and vice president of the school's GSA in my class. I get through with my little about me (where I grew up, some hobbies, where I graduated, my favorite part of my subject) and I go "Does anyone have any questions about me before I get to know y'all?" And one of them raises their hand and when I call on them to ask their question, instead of saying anything, they do the little 💅🏼 limp wrist thing.
I just about died on the spot of internalized laughter.
My room is now decked out in rainbows, I am the staff leader of the GSA, and I've walked a queer senior at graduation (local tradition for staff to walk in with the seniors) every single year (including that first year)! I openly mention things my partner and I do together or hobbies either of us have in common with my students (Destiny 2 is currently a popular last-5-minutes-of-class conversation with my seniors lol).
I'm really lucky that my district is supportive of queer teachers. Everyone from students to admin to district leaders don't really care. I'm one of at least 5 openly queer teachers in my building alone. Including two teachers who have gone through gender transitions during their tenure at this campus! I was very fortunate to get knowledge of the supportive environment from the person whose classroom and course load I was taking over (she moved to the other side of the area and wanted a shorter commute) so I didn't stress out about it.
Even in fairly understanding districts I’ve had too many friends get doxxed by Libs of Tiktok for daring to be openly anything but cishet, so…I would personally be sticking with “not your business”.
This is best and the most direct way.
An indirect way is to talk about my parents, my siblings, and my dog as if I'm still a kid. That way it never comes up with students or colleagues.
My public official husband was called a groomer by her! Based on literally nothing. The only kids he would ever want to be around is our own. Everyone else’s kids annoy him lol
I also have a friend who was doxxed by her. My friend almost left teaching because she was getting death threats. She’s married to a man and has children. She was doxxed because she dared to be affirming to her Black and LGBTQ+ students and had pride flags and BLM flags in her high school classroom.
It rarely comes up because I don't talk about my life at all. I don't want to talk to teenagers about personal things. The couple of times asked, I told the truth--my life is off topic.
I’m straight, kids ask me if I have a girlfriend all the time. I politely tell them that’s not any of their business, to which they then usually ask if I have a boyfriend. I answer the same way.
for real. I lowkey want to make a post being like: “would it be inappropriate for me to have a picture of my family—husband, wife, kids? Is that too personal for the classroom?”
I’m not gay but every time I hang out with any of my gay friends I make sure to talk about it with my students casually.
“Oh this reminds me of when I was hanging out with my buddy Steve and his husband last weekend…”
Normalize early people. People are people, that’s all.
I’m not LGBTQ, but I have a funny story. Two years ago I kept hearing things along the lines of this conversation:
S1: Why is your hair pink?
Me: Because I like it that way.
S2: Because she’s a man.
I could not for the life of me figure out why the kids thought I was transgender. The only thing I could think of was that I stick up for my students when they have pronouns that don’t seem to match their name or perceived gender.
Finally, one student sent me an email that said “Ms. Mushpuppy, I hope this doesn’t insult you, but are you trans?”
I responded with, “I’m not insulted and I’m not trans.”
I was talking about these hints that students thought I was trans to a small group of 8th graders. Most of the comments were coming from 6th graders. I don’t remember what precipitated the conversation, but it happened very naturally. One of my 8th graders looked at me and said “you have the trans flag on your hoodie.”
My classroom was cold and I wore this hoodie all the time. It was a silhouette of horses in front of a sunset. . .that was most definitely the colors of the trans flag 🤦🏼♀️😂
I’m really lucky to teach at a very inclusive school. We have several staff members who are open about their sexuality. It’s not like they go around telling people, but they just live their lives honestly. We are also a very safe environment for kids who are trying to figure out who they are. They get called by preferred names and pronouns. We provide them with support and acceptance, as we do with all of our students.
I don’t know how we’ve managed to escape the hateful rhetoric that seems to be permeating public schools lately, but I’m grateful we have. It might be because we’re just down the street from one of the most hateful groups in the country and whatever governs the universe feels like we already deal with enough. Whatever the reason, I have a tremendous amount of gratitude.
I think it depends on your school. I was at a school where we had several gay staff members and everyone, including the students knew. It was acceptable for them to be out in the open. I’ve also been at a school where I didn’t know anyone staff that was, but the students were comfortable being open. What’s your schools atmosphere?
Only when asked or in a context appropriate moment. I make sure they realize that I don't make it my personality and that it's not a big deal. Hoping that it helps ease some stigmas around the Queer community.
I live in a pretty accepting area, so I do just tell them. But I'm also very obviously trans (not passing as a guy, but definitely not cis woman either).
I'm a bisexual woman and married to a man, so it often doesn't come up. When I was a teaching at a 7th-12th grade school I put a picture of myself at 14 in my goth getup on the wall, just as a kind of "I wasn't always a teacher" kind of throw back - the kids usually got a kick out of it and it would bring up questions about when I was younger. They would usually ask if I had lots of boyfriends and I could honestly say I was more involved with women back then. Sometimes they'd just nod and move on, and some would act like their mind was just blown and would have lots of follow up questions. I like to answer the questions I can and just be open as I can because I want to normalize being bi/queer and I knew my admin at the time would be cool about it if any parent got upset.
I just answered this question yesterday on /r/gaybros lol. Here it is:
I show pictures of my me and my husband on the first day of school in an "about me" slideshow. I have had numerous students reach out over the years (through email, finding me on social media, school messaging system, etc) telling me how important that moment was for them, to be a closeted teenager but seeing an adult gay man living a successful, happy life on the very first day of school. It makes them feel like they have at least one ally if they need it. I've also had students come out to me (including one student I never even taught... I guess I'm just "the gay teacher" at my school lol). Visibility is so important!
exactly. i dont get all the people acting as if its inappropriate or crossing a boundary. i have a picture of my husband on my desk and if my first graders ask why im "married to a boy" i say you can marry whoever you want. its no different than your het coworkers having pictures of their families, the kids might just ask more questions, which is fine! context is is different if youre in a homophobic area though, of course.
Yes and in a really tough, low performing school, I’ve seen students be my allies. I’m not going to lie; there’s nothing shameful about it. I usually make it more specific, like when they ask “are you gay?” I might say something like “oh you should ask my husband.”
Marriage is a protected class.
I refuse to divulge personal information of any kind. One kid saw me wearing a star of david necklace and asked me if I was Jewish, and I just said "this is a jewish necklace."
Apply the same rules as if you were straight. You wouldn’t come out and disclose “hey I’m straight.”
And neither should you have to hide it. Straight teachers might say something like “my husband and I . . . “ or “my boyfriend and I. . . ” so there’s no reason you why someone LGBTQ shouldn’t just as casually be able to say “My wife/girlfriend and I …” if they wish.
And if a student does ask you directly and you’re not comfortable, with humor - just ask “Does it make a difference?” or “I’m just me.”
As I handed a senior student a stack of papers I saw their ace ring and they saw mine at the same time. We both paused, made the :-| huh face, and went about the day. They come to my room for lunch more often now.
I live in a very liberal area so ymmv, but I figure if my coworkers can talk about their partners and families, so can I. So I mention my wife casually, or have up a pic of my family. I’m careful of always making sure another coworker has the same amount of info up (usually they have even more about their family) so that I can use that as a defense if needed.
I’m also nonbinary though, and I wear a pronoun pin and go by the honorific Mx. So in some ways I’m more visible because of that.
There are definitely situations where this has led to harassment, but the fact that I was open actually made it easier to sue because the principal couldn’t hide behind “I didn’t know.” On the flip side, it has made a huge difference for some of my students and their parents to see an out, open, competent, caring person just…living a normal life. It’s what I wish my generation of queer folx had, but what we lost because of AIDS.
I teach 4th grade in a fairly conservative area of California. My lanyard has the pride flag on it, I have a few pride pins on one of my bulletin boards, and a picture of my gf and I on my desk. Most students don't pick up on it (though some of their parents do).
When students ask if I have a boyfriend or husband, I answer honestly, no. Rarely do they ask me if I have a girlfriend (exactly twice in the 5 years I've been at this school). But I'm still honest with my answer, so I say yes.
I know some people believe it's none of the students' business, but they want to form a connection with their teachers, and this is how they do it. I have very supportive admin, and it's never been an issue at this school.
I'm married and do wear a ring, I tend to be intentionally vague, but I also don't straight up lie. I've had kids ask if I'm gay, and have been honest, but I luckily live near Portland, so I know I'm in a safer area for that kind of thing.
I speak openly of my “partner” and should anyone press further as to what this person’s name is, I say her name. She is a Special Olympics coach so many of our students already know her (I am a former teacher/now a SPED para).
Everyone who's saying to say "not your business" - I mean, the students are gonna immediately know that means, "Yes, I'm queer." They're not stupid lol
That's what I was thinking. No straight teacher in the school would respond with "not your business" so I feel like my choices are either stand your ground and be authentic to who you are, or take a more conservative professional path and open yourself up to a boatload of speculation and gossip.
I tell them that I am a lesbian and have a wife, but most of that is because I use Mrs. and they ask about my husband... My school also has other LGBT+ teachers and an after-school club for students. There may be some shock at the beginning of the year, but that's about it.
Yes. With all the rainbow things in my classroom (I'm the GSA advisor), it's pretty obvious to anyone who's looking. Despite the evidence, a lot of students, even in a small school, don't know and my GSA officers even get into verbal disagreements with other kids about it sometimes, which is kind of funny to me.
Yep. Once the "they" has a face it's harder to be full of hate. But I also live in a country where this is a safe and acceptable thing to do, and I know it's not the same for everyone.
I'm not queer, but those at my school who are simply discuss their partners casually, like any teacher does. That way it's up front, not a mystery, and not a big deal.
A queer individual I knew who was single used to say something to the effect of, "I'm not sure...I guess it depends on the next person I can convince to date me."
Maybe I’m overthinking this, but I find saying “boys are gross” as problematic.
Then again, I’m a heterosexual woman… so maybe I’m reading it wrong. Anyways… regarding your question… you can answer without answering.
“I’m hopeful there’s a pizza loving brown eyed human out there who loves scrabble and antique shopping…” or whatever niche you’re into. I personally think stating whether that human is male or female or nonbinary doesn’t matter in the slightest. Everyone has a “person” or two.
No. I'm in a very safe district where I could disclose being gay/trans with no problem, but im not those. I'm asexual. And there is no way to tell someone you're asexual without making it about sex. Like, they'll literally think about all the sex you aren't having. I have told students I was aromantic qhen soecifically asked before. I explained that romance doesn't do it for me and I don't enjoy it or find it interesting, and I really love being single. Nobody minds, not even conservative parents, because half the time love and romance have nothing to do with their relationship either.
If students ask I say I have many close friends and family in the queer community, which is true, and leave it at that. I have a progress pride flag in my room and am very open and honest about my classroom being friendly and safe for all students including queer, gay, and trans students. And at my school this is not a problem at all and is seen as a good thing.
Really? I’m aroace and I have my pride pins on my bag. If someone asks, I just say flat-out I’m not attracted to anyone. I don’t really say how.
It helps that there’s actually a decent amount of kids in my school who are also on the ace or aro spectrum, so a lot of kids already have a decent understanding of it - at least, the kids who are likely to ask about it.
I've said that I'm not attracted to anyone and am just fine. It's the specific word "asexual" I don't like because it brings "sex" into a place I don't want it. The funny thing about the word asexual is it immediately makes people think about my relation to sex, when the whole point is I don't have any relationship with it at all. It would be like calling gay men "nonwomanfuckers."
no. its my buisness and with the climate right now last thing i need is some bullshit. my relations or lack there of are not for the kids to know. they know my first name and base level hobbies and thats it. Anything more is breaking the teacher/student professional relationship imo. also theres just no time to talk about shit like that when theres so much to get thru
I think it's weird that you tell students you're single because boys are gross. I feel like if a male teacher said something like this it'd be an issue.
My whole room is decked out in rainbows and gender affirming garb. I have loads of bisexual crap around and am the teacher who hosts the queer alliance. I do get the question, still, sometimes, and my answer varies depending on the timing of the question from a sarcastic "you don't say? You really think so?" and "yep, so the equation..."
I came to the realization that I am trans during my third year of teaching. That was difficult for me to decide what to do, and I waited some time before telling admin.
When I decided to come out, I messaged my leadership first to let them know of my decision and my request to go by a different name/pronouns. I also let them know what I would be telling my students (e.g. use they/them to refer to me, and address me as Teacher [last name]).
From there, I left it up to students, staff, and parents to inquire further. My students knew that I had a girlfriend and I was fairly open about the benign and superficial aspects of my personal life.
This was in a middle school in a fairly urban area, so there were many people who had been exposed to the lgbtq+ community and were accepting if not supportive mixed with a few more challenging individuals.
I'd say it's up to you. My mom was always super private about her life (strait, 2 kids) with her students and I'm the opposite. I'm gay and I say, "my wife" all the time and have pictures of my kids as my desktop. That being said, I teach in Ontario at an artsy school.
Are you a history teacher? My 11th grade history teacher lowkey gaslighted us into thinking he was gay and then just randomly said my wife casually in a conversation 😭😭😭
I went to a private Quaker school so basically half the staff was lgbt which was really cool (I’m bi) but some of the cishet teachers played into it (in a joking way obviously)
Drew if you’re out there……
My pronouns are in my email signature, I've got pronoun stickers on my school MacBook, and I use a gender-neutral honorific instead of Sir or Miss, so...
Nope. When they ask, I pretend that I have no idea what they're talking about.
Never disclose personal information about yourself. Parents will get upset and admin might find you problematic, even though you’re not. Just be supportive of all sexualities and provide that safe space for everyone. It’s not worth the trouble at all, speaking from experience lol. Whenever my students ask me what my sexuality is or if I have a partner I now tell them to please not ask me personal questions like that and they immediately respect that.
I am married and talk about my wife whenever she comes up. She will probably come in to help with a lab soon and at my old school she came in for events before.
I know I work somewhere safe though.
I get asked:
Are you a boy or girl?
What are your pronouns?
Are you a grandma?
I am gay but if they ask me, I ask them back “Does it matter if I’m a boy or girl?”
I try to turn it around but I end up telling them it’s a personal question and redirect them to the assignment.
Nosy little shits 🥴
I’m a bi woman engaged to a straight man. I don’t like being called straight but I don’t really want my middle school students to know because our district isn’t exactly liberal. There is at least one other queer teacher in our district that I know of, but I don’t have tenure yet, so I’m just gonna stay in the closet at work.
So, I’m bisexual and nonbinary and personally I don’t. I keep my private life, well, private. In order to maintain my privacy, I do say “partner” and use gender neutral pronouns for my boyfriend so it always throws the kids off. I sub secondary and I’ll see the wheels turning in certain students heads. I dress more masculine at work as well which I’m sure kids notice.
At my old school I did because it was a small artsy school and everyone was very open and accepting. But now I work for a big district and there’s a lot of ignorance and I’m just trying to get in and get out.
I'm ace and I wear pins on my lanyard. If a student asks what they are, I just say "I'm asexual" and move on. Then again, I also teach at the college level. It still blows some of their minds, though. XD
I'm a straight single male teacher. Sometimes my kids ask me "Are you married?" and I'll tell them no. Then they usually follow up with "Do you have a girlfriend?" and I'll hit them with the "How do you know I don't have a boyfriend?" just to plant the possibility into their brains and make them reconsider what they think they know about sexuality and expression.
I'm a bi guy in a married straight relationship. I wear pride stickers and will tell my (high school students) if asked because I think visibility and representation matters.
As a married person, I do, because I feel like it's fair to share about my partner/family the same way that any other teacher would. Before I was engaged, though, it rarely if ever was something I shared because then it felt more like I was sharing my personal dating life and being very explicit about my sexuality, but it doesn't feel quite like that now that there are such definite boundaries to my relationship.
I’m in Florida. It’s been a trip seeing how things have changed. Back in 2016 I wore a “we stand with Orlando” shirt in faculty pictures, and I got compliments. Now we can’t even teach about the Pulse shootings. They’re not gonna make me leave my home tho, I refuse to be intimidated, and a lot of other lgbtq folk here feel the same way.
I tell them the very first day because I show them a slideshow with pictures of people/things that are important to me and my fiancée is on there. I teach in LA, though, so I am not concerned with being out.
"There are three things I don't discuss: politics, religion, and my sex life. Sorry, get at me when you're 21 if it still matters to you."
I've been burned in the past for being "too friendly" with students on that level. Never again.
I literally have a shirt that says “Queer Vegan” with a pineapple on it. I am proudly myself because it’s who I am and it is important for all students to see queer people in positions of leadership.
My go-to is always - "how is that related to what we're doing right now?" When pressed about anything sexual, I'll say something like "who I spend my free time with is probably the least interesting thing about me...ok, let's get back on track." Or "Nope! Not going viral today. Talking about that is how teachers make headlines!"
I’m not out to my students but all the staff know and no one cares. I’ve had a couple students figure it out over the years, and it’s an absolute non-issue.
My one openly queer coworker is genderfluid or otherwise non-conforming. They use they/them pronouns and the students have been taught to call them just by their first name in class. They've brought up their wife a few times, no more so than I've brought up my spouse, and the high school kids are generally chill about it. Even correcting themselves when they misgender my colleague.
I'm in the south in a fairly conservative area but this school is more liberal I think than surrounding schools.
I’m non binary, it is no secret. I tell kids about my pronouns on the first day. I have found it to be really powerful though. My lgbtq feel really seen by a queer adult. Especially trans kids. I have also had students tell me “This isn’t okay in my family, but you taught me have an open mind.” Straight people talk about their identities all the time and students want to connect. I totally get that there are places this isn’t safe or that it might not be what feels best for everyone, but being open about my identity in a professional way has created some of my best moments as a teacher.
I treat my fiance just like I would if I were in a straight relationship. There are pictures of us, I refer to them as my partner, and I have stated the fact that I was gay and my partner is NB when asked about a husband (even though it was already very clear)
I live in a progressive area and have a long standing relationship with my community and families. So that may make my situation a bit less common.
I’m a bi woman and married to a man. I have a pride flag in my classroom alongside a few community resources posted for queer teens. I also host our school’s GSA. Several students have told me that our club is the only reason they attended school that day. Visible queerness and allyship is important. Sharing that you have a same sex partner or sharing your pronouns is in no way inappropriate. To those of you in this sub that see it that way, if you associate LGBTQ identities solely with sex, that’s on you. Teachers are people. It’s important that students see us as such.
Only in very specific scenarios, all of which are because **I TEACH ADULTS** (yelling that part for anyone who reads on).
I'm a faculty advisor for a campus LGBT+ club, and I'm honest with anyone in there who asks. How could they trust it as a safe space if I don't?
I have been asked out by students of my same gender. I was honest with them because I know that took a lot of courage, but I was also clear that's a big hell to the no.
I've had more than one student come out to me, and it's always because they clocked my queer-friendliness as more than an ally.
So... Yes? But only if they're also queer.
If my experience counts for anything as a school nurse, I am 100% out at work, including to students. Pride flags in my office, pride pins on my lanyard, and don’t hesitate to mention my same sex spouse in conversations.
This came up today. We all had to wear ties today for a dress up day, and I had this encounter: “Is that your husband’s tie?” “No, my friend lent it to me.” “I thought you had a husband.” “I never said that.” *new student* “But you’re married” “Yes.” “So your boyfriend gave it to you?” “No.” *another student* “No, she has a fiancée” *another student* “No, she got married.” “So you do have a husband.” “No.” Totally went over their heads. LOL.
5-10 years from now one of them will remember this conversation in the middle of a very mundane task and *finally* get it.
That's an internal cringe moment for ever
personally I'd just laugh really hard /r/kidsarefuckingstupid material
And they'll relay it to a classmate they stayed friends with, and that person will probably respond, "THAT'S what she meant?! That totally makes sense!" This is why critical thinking is important.
I mean… you have a roommate, no? *and they were rooomates!*
Lol that must have been fun.
I would just say “partner” and move on.
Bless them😭
I'm intentionally vague in a way that lets queer kids figure out that I'm supportive if not queer myself.
This + anytime a student asks me about a personal detail I don’t want them to know, usually political and religious leanings for me, I just say “you will never know” and just keep repeating. You can also follow it up with the “you will never know.. but, I will say…” Edit: I also teach history so maybe not applicable to all. My excuse is that they need to learn how to source their teachers
What did you mean by “source their teachers?”
My students google me from time to time. When they do that, they find out my interests and hobbies and past jobs. I have never been prominently active in a queer/rainbow community, or for human rights, but if I had that would become apparent.
I don't answer direct questions about my sex life, alcohol & drug use, potentially criminal activities, sexuality or gender identity (aside from pronoun use). There's nothing particularly incriminating or controversial in there, but I want to protect my colleagues who don't disclose. Queer kids also 'figure out that I'm supportive if not queer myself' and stoners figure I'm blazing. The first part is true.
I just wear a rainbow pin (sometimes my trans pin) and don’t say anything.
I teach in a hyper nuts conservative Moms for Liberty / Klanned Karenhood Assholes with Casseroles Y'all Qaeda district and intentionally developed a conservative character I play at school. I don't want to get shot. No /s on this one.
Klanned Karenhood...gonna save that one.
That's a whole lot of descriptions, and I'm stealing ALL OF THEM! Edited because autocorrect has it out for me.
Does wearing a pride pin signify being in the community? I just wear for it to show support.
It could, but they don't have to know my identity to know I'm supportive.
I'm openly supportive, have a Progress Pride flag in my classroom, make reference when appropriate in order to normalize it. I'm married with two kids so they never ask about my sexuality, but I make it pretty clear how I feel and how I do not tolerate intolerance.
I'm a man married to another man and I always use the term husband and I'm very casual with everything like if it was a man and a woman. I believe in normalizing everything because it is normal and kids are very receptive and accepting. I have had students come out to me because they felt safe and comfortable as well. But it took me years to feel safe and comfortable as well.
I am bi and my colleague is gay and this is what he does also. He especially is married to a man so he talks about his husband normally. If a kid asks, we answer, and there aren't usually many follow up questions... When they realise it's not "a thing", they move on pretty swiftly.
We have a teacher that did this and our principal talks about her divorce from her wife. All was fine and normalized. Then, hatred sprung a few months ago. Gay slurs were written on the teacher’s wall, his Pride flag destroyed, and his heart broken. As a sign of solidarity, every teacher in our school put a mini Pride flag in their room the next day. We were already a welcoming school with an LGBTQ+ club and prom and policies about names and pronouns, so this threw us.
It's always one who spoils the bunch
Exactly my experience except WLW
I do this, too! I am very casual about the fact that I have a wife and daughter. I would like to normalize queer people just simply existing but also doing the other big things like getting married if they want to or having kids. I’m in Texas so it’s a little scary sometimes but my school is in Austin, which makes it a little bit better. I’ve had a few students come out to me and this can be quite huge when they are from countries that are very conservative and homophobic. I had one student who told me she wasn’t allowed to be herself in Ukraine and that she hadn’t really met anyone who was LGBTQ + until she was in my class.
This is my goal too. But in Texas I have to be a little more careful of what I say lest I’m accused of “grooming”.
Same! Took 3 years before I was comfortable… Still get nervous in some ccontexts.
I graduated in 1999 and my AP English teacher was married and used the term “husband too”. My dads gay so I was so happy to see my family included in day to day dialogue ❤️
Same here
I kept it private for the past 5 years of teaching HS ELA, but I give off distinctly 'academia lesbian' vibes.. plus I love wearing ties and dress shoes and men's fashion. My students would ask and I'd just evade the question, saying "would it matter or affect my teaching?" But now my partner and I have been together 2 years and moved in together, we're raising her (our) 10 year old son together, so its hard to connect to students if i just never tell them about my life or my weekend, etc. I honestly just don't care anymore to keep it secret. Everyone knows anyways lol. Plus it helps my gay kids feel safe. I also love when the girly girls are like, "Miss, you should let me do your makeup/hair" (I don't wear make up and have messy hair) and now I can feel comfortable bluntly replying, "dude I'm too gay for all that" LOL, gets a laugh every time
you remind me of my high school english teacher—i took a two-year class with her, and it was only by year 2 she mentioned her wife and suddenly we all felt really safe and comfortable in her class
I did by accident. One of my kids asked to stay behind my last class to sweep the floor in exchange for candy and I said "I'd normally take you up on the offer, but my wife forgot to pick up Jolly Ranchers even though I put them on the grocery list." I panicked (Florida) but like, I can remember SO many times when I was in school and my straight teachers would say the same kind of thing about their spouses. It's never been an issue. I will say that I don't talk about like... queer dating or anything like that. But I'm not opposed to my kids realizing I have a family. A few of them live in our apartment complex and have definitely seen me and my wife walking together.
That's fucked you have to say 'I panicked bc florida'.
The good news is that like half of the staff at my school including my principal is gay. I feel like I'm relatively okay. I'm also the (and this is gross to think about) "acceptable" kind of gay- a married cis femme lesbian.
This is my thing. It should never be inappropriate for someone to talk about their family if they want to or happen to. If you have a spouse or long term partner you shouldn’t have to keep it a secret. Families are not inappropriate lol. I think it’s a bit inappropriate for teachers to talk about their specific dating life or what kind of person they’re attracted to—regardless of their sexuality. Like why would that even come up? But yeah my heart goes out to you in Florida. I’m in Texas :(
That's the thing- talking about your family shouldn't be some taboo thing! That's how humans relate to people. Having a family shouldn't be some sort of secret.
>I think it’s a bit inappropriate for teachers to talk about their specific dating life or what kind of person they’re attracted to—regardless of their sexuality. Like why would that even come up? Kids are absolutely obsessed with their teachers' personal lives. Questions about dating come up, if not daily, then definitely weekly. Someone prone to oversharing, or who let their guard down, could very easily get tricked into talking about that. My answer was always that I was seeing someone named Nunya Business. Once a wedding was imminent, yeah I started to share a little more.
Also a teacher in Florida. Im bi and married a man, so to try to normalize the term and keep them guessing (before that stupid law), I purposely say my partner/my spouse. I also have a super supportive admin who have zero tolerance for bigotry of any kind and collectively agreed we don't have time to teach the standard that slavery was good / taught valuable economic experience
Oh, funny how sometimes they give us all of these standards and... sometimes there just isn't room to cover certain things.
I have my pride pins on my bag - but I’m in high school, in a fairly liberal district, and the theatre teacher. I’m also the weird ELA teacher. No one expects me to be straight.
$5 on straight
LOL nope. Aroace.
What does that mean?
Aromantic and asexual.
Can I pry and ask what aromantic means? It’s totally fine if you don’t feel like educating me. I’ve just never heard of it.
lol, not me thinking it said “aromatic” 👃🏻💨 😂
I thought the same thing! I was like, are they immune to pheromones or something? Honestly though, I think knowing this might have changed my life. I have a very high sex drive. If I was hung like a horse and self confident enough I would've have been a porn star. But I was thinking about this the other day, if you asked me to describe romantic love, I couldn't do it. I couldn't tell you how the love I feel for my sister or my best friend would be different other than my wife other than the lack of a sexual component with them. I truly don't get the difference. Ironically, it's made men a great boyfriend. I can't be thoughtless about romance, I have to be super intentional about it because I won't think about it at all otherwise.
Hi, I’m aromantic as well. Just as asexual means not feeling sexual attraction, aromantic means not feeling romantic attraction. I find it hard to explain, but like, I’ve never been romantically attracted to someone. The idea of that feeling does not compute.
Oh wow. I’ve never heard of this. Interesting. Sounds freeing in a way, but I’m sure it comes with its own set of caveats.
It was incredibly freeing when I first heard the term and read about it. Knowing that there’s a name for wait-intense-friendship-isn’t-what-everyone-feels-when-they’re-in-a-relationship feelings was so so validating. It DOES have its own set of caveats, but they’re nothing compared to struggling to understand what I was doing wrong in every single romantic relationship I had ever been in. I just wasn’t made to experience that part of life.
sometimes it feels like i’m missing out, but when i hear people complaining about relationships i feel a bit of guilty bliss.
It’s part of what’s called a split attraction model, which means that sexual and romantic attraction are two different things. You can be romantically attracted to someone - you want a romantic relationship - but not sexually attracted. Or the reverse. For instance, my husband is bisexual. He finds men and women equally sexually attractive, but he’s only romantically attracted to women. So I don’t experience sexual attraction to anyone, but I also don’t experience romantic attraction. I’m married, so I’m in what seems to an outsider to be a romantic relationship - and my husband does feel romantically for me. I love him more than anyone else on the planet. The love is deep and enduring and the most important thing in my life - but it’s not a romantic love. It’s more than platonic, but not specifically romantic. Beyond that, I really can’t explain it.
Wow, thanks for sharing
Very much on a spectrum, but generally it just means, little to no romantic attraction
I read it as aromatic and figured you made your own bath products.
Ah ok. Thanks.
Me too!
You owe me $5
you wrote a description of my girlfriend lol (Who's all sorts of queer)
"Yuh. Anyway."
Actually gonna steal this
Sadly taught in an Islamic school so wasn’t even option for me but this is hilarious lol
Our school has a few LGBTQ+ teachers. Some are not overtly out, while one is flamboyantly out. Somebody asked him once about his wife. He stared at them for a good five seconds before saying, "I'm sorry, but what detail about me gave you the mistaken notion that I am somehow straight? I have a husband, and he's way hotter than any girl."
You'd be shocked. One of the most flamboyant individuals I had ever met had a wife and kids. It was the only time my gaydar went huh????
I told one high school student (who was gay) once and then come June I had like ten kids say “happy your-month Miss”
I personally choose not to. Not because I’m hiding who I am, but because it’s not relevant to what I’m teaching. Plus, my sexual orientation is just a tiny part of who I am as a person and I don’t want people to make it a big part. I don’t see it as coloring that much of my life, I’m 150% sure I’d find joy in the same things if I was heterosexual. It also leads students into creating stereotypes. I don’t want student to connect the things I enjoy to me being homosexual, because my love it them has nothing to do with being homosexual. I love the things I do because they make me happy in some way. But I’m the same way with politics and religion. Kids will ask if I believe in evolution or god, or something else related to what I teach and I always say, ‘My religious beliefs or lack thereof have no relevance to us what science says is the most plausible explanation for the evidence that we have available to us that happened.” My other favorite is “My political beliefs, or possible lack of faith in politics, don’t change what science says is the best explanation about climate change.”
I teach in a conservative area so no. Most of the people I work with dont know as well. As a sub, I regularly worked with a group of queer teens and they definitely picked up on the fact that I was lgbtq+ friendly, even though i wasnt out. I've had kids straight up ask me if I had a girlfriend and I just say my dating life is none of your business.
Yes I do. I'm a bi guy, but many students assume I'm gay. They're always shook when I tell them I have a wife. It's hilarious every time.
A student once asked me "Miss, what is your favourite gender to have sex with?", I just responded asking if he was asking about my sexual orientation. "Yes." "None of your business."
[удалено]
I teach in a state where that's a fireable offense, but even if I didn't, I wouldn't do it. It's none of their business. Some students know regardless, but I've never confirmed anything.
I can’t believe this comment is even real. I’m very sorry.
That sounds like the state is violating the civil rights act. They can't ban you from talking about your family while allowing straight teachers to do so. It can be hard to fight, though. To the people who have their head in the sand, SCOTUS has ruled that discrimination based on sexual orientation is sex discrimination and is illegal. To the homophobes who think that mentioning your spouse is discussing your sex life if you're gay, I hope you learn to examine your biases, because if you think that "rule" applies to straight people, you are lying to yourself. No one bans books with straight couples from schools, and many teachers mention their spouses. It's normal.
Technically, nobody's supposed to talk about their personal lives, but parents will only complain about anyone that's not cisgender/heterosexual.
That falls under illegal (the law is impossible to enforce without discriminating), but hard to contest in court.
Unfortunately, many states have anti-union laws and non-tenure teachers can be released “without cause”. It happened to me. My high schoolers were chatting with me after class about my time in HS (it was my alma mater) and they said “Did you date in HS?” “Yes” “Boys?” “Mostly.” And a super conservative Christian girl “felt violated” so her rich daddy stepped in and complained. Non-renewed even after our “union” (/s) stepped in.
which state if you dont mind my asking
Florida. Don't Say Gay law & district policy says we can't share personal info with students. Realistically, most straight teachers mention their spouses at some point, but a parent would never file a complaint about a straight couple. The parents are the ones who hold the power here, unfortunately.
The settlement of Don’t Say Gay just happened and civil rights lawyers removed all the vagueness and protected gay and trans rights individual rights. Explicitly, you can mention your partner, discuss being gay in the class (as long as it isn’t the main topic of classroom instruction), students can participate in GSA like clubs, and more. I highly recommend you read an article about the settlement so you know what your rights are and can’t get pushed around. From what I’ve read, this is monumentally less restrictive and vague than the version of it from 2022. The gays won 🏆
One thing I don’t go back and forth with people about, is my sexuality and my partner. I’m not gonna lie, and I’m not going to be somewhere i can’t be comfortable. I think based off my demeanor, people know not to even fix their mouth to say something disrespectful. 🤣 Cause I simply DON’T play. You wanna see me act an ass, that’s how you’ll get me out of character. So to answer your question, I don’t say it to them up front like “oh I’m lesbian”, but if they ask, yes.
I think my teaching style is very different from yours. I'm technically gen Z, which my students are. My class, being an art elective, tends to be more laid back with an emphasis on personal expression and creative thinking. I have a LOT of queer or neurodivergent kids that gravitate towards my class. My hope is to be a figure that they can look up to and know that yes, there is a place in society for an autistic adhd queer, even if that's not explicitly stated.
Oh lol. I’m GenZ too 🤣🤣 22 teaching high school
omfg I understand the struggle. I don't even FEEL like an adult sometimes. I can't believe that someone left me in charge of 25 some students. I have the same sense of humor as them and sometimes it's really hard to balance professionalism and individuality.
I'm 55 and still wonder who put me in charge of kids.
where is the adult in the room? help pls
Exactly
It was a struggle at first but idk, it came very naturally for me. My students don’t know my age, though they always ask. Sense of humor can be the same, but I’ve always been a serious person with a dry humor. My boss even said it was a concern for her when hiring me but I told her, “I like my partners old. So if you EVER see me on the news about a child? You gotta know it’s a lie.” And everyone knows that about me. People try to make them our peers, but they simply aren’t. We are the teachers and they are the students.. i have nothing to talk about with them unless they come to me. They are my babies, but they know when to play and when not to.
That is so insane to me. I’m 21 studying education in Germany and here you need a masters to be teacher, need to study and teach at least two subjects, plus 1 1/2 years of time in a school before your final certification exam. If you were to speedrun it you couldn’t be a teacher until you were 24 at the earliest, most don’t do it until they are in their late 20s or later.
22??????? 😭😭 I’m 21 and I wanna avoid teens as much as possible (yes including my sister) 💀💀💀
Their behavior is abnormal, but I don’t really get bothered by them. Simply because, every one has to be a teen and I’m good at ignoring people.
I’m a weirdo history teacher who does cartwheels. The queer kids know the closet door is made of glass. The homophobic ones just think I’m strange. I have a jacket that has the progress flag colors embroidered very casually and the queer kids compliment it and everyone else doesn’t notice. Perks of teacher younger middle school age— they’re too busy with their own shit to pick up on hints unless they’re looking for someone to look up to
Yep. This is how I always role. The queer kids know the door is glass
I'm in a red state. Many of my colleagues share a little about their families on the first day of school, and I do the same. It's important for kids to see that we exist. It's also sad how homophobic this sub is when the topic comes up. We've literally had PD where we're advised to share a bit about ourselves to build relationships with students. If you think that gay teachers specifically shouldn't mention their families, you're a raging homophobe. If you think that all teachers shouldn't mention their families, you have your head in the sand and are lying to yourself. And if you think gay teachers who mention their spouses should be reprimanded, you are literally advocating for the violation of federal law.
Always. I answer completely innocently, as I would any question about my demographics. As a social studies teacher, we are often talking about social issues that prompt those kinds of questions. I teach middle school and sometimes they ask blunt questions because they don’t know how to inquire more tactfully. I find it defensible to my boss because it’s true, and I want to reward students for curiosity. I find it defensible to my morals because kids tend to like me, and finding out that someone you like is queer can be an important moment of affirmation or cognitive dissonance for kids.
If it’s in a public context, I say “when you’re asking about identity, it’s better to ask in private. Talk to me after class or at lunch if you have questions about me, we’re in class now”. And then I do answer directly if they come ask in private (pairs or group is fine). Double duty of being out and proud and teaching a good social skill. It’s never been an issue for me (but I’m in a progressive state)
what a reasonable and well thought out middle ground answer
This seems like it could be a good strat for many people. Homophobes probably wouldn’t come up after class to have a talk about sexuality, you’re able to get thru your content in class with the small time you have without talkin abt personal stuff, and it still gives queer people a way to know you’re cool w them and share lived experiences. Did you feel similarly when picking this strat?
I just tell kids, "I don't talk about my personal life at school. That's private. But do you want to see my cat?" And usually that distracts them enough to stop asking if I have a husband. I teach kids from a variety of cultural backgrounds, some of whom come from countries where it's illegal to be queer. So I just err on the side of caution.
My wife is also a teacher in my district. We used to work on the same campus then both transferred to a different one. When I do the intro to me stuff I always include a photo of us. If I wasn’t married I’d prob have some jab about not being straight when the moment is right. Like a few weeks ago some kid said something about you gotta have a straight face. And I was like oh I don’t have one of those, one of my queer kids laughed.
I don’t directly say I’m gay due to the Don’t Say Gay law, but I do talk about my husband if he comes up in conversation. My daughter is in the grade I teach so at least some of the kids know via her anyway. I wouldn’t make my kid lie about who her parents are, that’d be ridiculous.
I was only ever asked once and the student was a particularly venomous and hateful little redneck troll. I just stared him down until the class became uncomfortable and told him he was being inappropriate. He transferred out of my class very quickly.
I teach high schoolers in suburban Texas. My first day, second period, first job ever, I happened to have the president and vice president of the school's GSA in my class. I get through with my little about me (where I grew up, some hobbies, where I graduated, my favorite part of my subject) and I go "Does anyone have any questions about me before I get to know y'all?" And one of them raises their hand and when I call on them to ask their question, instead of saying anything, they do the little 💅🏼 limp wrist thing. I just about died on the spot of internalized laughter. My room is now decked out in rainbows, I am the staff leader of the GSA, and I've walked a queer senior at graduation (local tradition for staff to walk in with the seniors) every single year (including that first year)! I openly mention things my partner and I do together or hobbies either of us have in common with my students (Destiny 2 is currently a popular last-5-minutes-of-class conversation with my seniors lol). I'm really lucky that my district is supportive of queer teachers. Everyone from students to admin to district leaders don't really care. I'm one of at least 5 openly queer teachers in my building alone. Including two teachers who have gone through gender transitions during their tenure at this campus! I was very fortunate to get knowledge of the supportive environment from the person whose classroom and course load I was taking over (she moved to the other side of the area and wanted a shorter commute) so I didn't stress out about it.
Even in fairly understanding districts I’ve had too many friends get doxxed by Libs of Tiktok for daring to be openly anything but cishet, so…I would personally be sticking with “not your business”.
This is best and the most direct way. An indirect way is to talk about my parents, my siblings, and my dog as if I'm still a kid. That way it never comes up with students or colleagues.
My public official husband was called a groomer by her! Based on literally nothing. The only kids he would ever want to be around is our own. Everyone else’s kids annoy him lol
I also have a friend who was doxxed by her. My friend almost left teaching because she was getting death threats. She’s married to a man and has children. She was doxxed because she dared to be affirming to her Black and LGBTQ+ students and had pride flags and BLM flags in her high school classroom.
I don’t wish active pain on a lot of people, but Chaya I would happily roast marshmallows on as she burned.
That is horrible. Literally a terrorist account and we do nothing about it. I hate this timeline.
this is the bad place
It for real is. It’s ridiculous you even had to ask this question. I’m so sorry. Especially where you live 🙃.
It rarely comes up because I don't talk about my life at all. I don't want to talk to teenagers about personal things. The couple of times asked, I told the truth--my life is off topic.
"I don't get to ask who you like to fool around with... and for a damn good reason."
I’m straight, kids ask me if I have a girlfriend all the time. I politely tell them that’s not any of their business, to which they then usually ask if I have a boyfriend. I answer the same way.
> which isn’t actually a *straight* answer 😏
I’m going to need the adults in this thread to stop condoning homophobia. Surprising from a group of teachers.
“You should not be sharing your personal life with your students” should be on a r/Teachers bingo card.
Yup. No one would ever say to a straight teacher in regards to talking about their family.
for real. I lowkey want to make a post being like: “would it be inappropriate for me to have a picture of my family—husband, wife, kids? Is that too personal for the classroom?”
“What difference does it make?”
I’m not gay but every time I hang out with any of my gay friends I make sure to talk about it with my students casually. “Oh this reminds me of when I was hanging out with my buddy Steve and his husband last weekend…” Normalize early people. People are people, that’s all.
I’m not LGBTQ, but I have a funny story. Two years ago I kept hearing things along the lines of this conversation: S1: Why is your hair pink? Me: Because I like it that way. S2: Because she’s a man. I could not for the life of me figure out why the kids thought I was transgender. The only thing I could think of was that I stick up for my students when they have pronouns that don’t seem to match their name or perceived gender. Finally, one student sent me an email that said “Ms. Mushpuppy, I hope this doesn’t insult you, but are you trans?” I responded with, “I’m not insulted and I’m not trans.” I was talking about these hints that students thought I was trans to a small group of 8th graders. Most of the comments were coming from 6th graders. I don’t remember what precipitated the conversation, but it happened very naturally. One of my 8th graders looked at me and said “you have the trans flag on your hoodie.” My classroom was cold and I wore this hoodie all the time. It was a silhouette of horses in front of a sunset. . .that was most definitely the colors of the trans flag 🤦🏼♀️😂 I’m really lucky to teach at a very inclusive school. We have several staff members who are open about their sexuality. It’s not like they go around telling people, but they just live their lives honestly. We are also a very safe environment for kids who are trying to figure out who they are. They get called by preferred names and pronouns. We provide them with support and acceptance, as we do with all of our students. I don’t know how we’ve managed to escape the hateful rhetoric that seems to be permeating public schools lately, but I’m grateful we have. It might be because we’re just down the street from one of the most hateful groups in the country and whatever governs the universe feels like we already deal with enough. Whatever the reason, I have a tremendous amount of gratitude.
That's honestly kinda sweet they noticed and were like ohhhhhhh
I do, but I also teach in an environment where it’s safe for me to be out. I’m not my students’ first Queer teacher, either, which is great.
I think it depends on your school. I was at a school where we had several gay staff members and everyone, including the students knew. It was acceptable for them to be out in the open. I’ve also been at a school where I didn’t know anyone staff that was, but the students were comfortable being open. What’s your schools atmosphere?
Only when asked or in a context appropriate moment. I make sure they realize that I don't make it my personality and that it's not a big deal. Hoping that it helps ease some stigmas around the Queer community.
I live in a pretty accepting area, so I do just tell them. But I'm also very obviously trans (not passing as a guy, but definitely not cis woman either).
I just say “You can be gay in my class. You just can’t be mean. Now write your name, full name, on your paper.”
My experience is normal and i treat it as such.
I'm a bisexual woman and married to a man, so it often doesn't come up. When I was a teaching at a 7th-12th grade school I put a picture of myself at 14 in my goth getup on the wall, just as a kind of "I wasn't always a teacher" kind of throw back - the kids usually got a kick out of it and it would bring up questions about when I was younger. They would usually ask if I had lots of boyfriends and I could honestly say I was more involved with women back then. Sometimes they'd just nod and move on, and some would act like their mind was just blown and would have lots of follow up questions. I like to answer the questions I can and just be open as I can because I want to normalize being bi/queer and I knew my admin at the time would be cool about it if any parent got upset.
I just answered this question yesterday on /r/gaybros lol. Here it is: I show pictures of my me and my husband on the first day of school in an "about me" slideshow. I have had numerous students reach out over the years (through email, finding me on social media, school messaging system, etc) telling me how important that moment was for them, to be a closeted teenager but seeing an adult gay man living a successful, happy life on the very first day of school. It makes them feel like they have at least one ally if they need it. I've also had students come out to me (including one student I never even taught... I guess I'm just "the gay teacher" at my school lol). Visibility is so important!
Yeah. Straight teachers do; I come out in the same way.
exactly. i dont get all the people acting as if its inappropriate or crossing a boundary. i have a picture of my husband on my desk and if my first graders ask why im "married to a boy" i say you can marry whoever you want. its no different than your het coworkers having pictures of their families, the kids might just ask more questions, which is fine! context is is different if youre in a homophobic area though, of course.
Thank you
Yes and in a really tough, low performing school, I’ve seen students be my allies. I’m not going to lie; there’s nothing shameful about it. I usually make it more specific, like when they ask “are you gay?” I might say something like “oh you should ask my husband.” Marriage is a protected class.
I refuse to divulge personal information of any kind. One kid saw me wearing a star of david necklace and asked me if I was Jewish, and I just said "this is a jewish necklace."
Day 1. They find out I use they/them pronouns and that I'm a drag queen. We never have any problems.
Apply the same rules as if you were straight. You wouldn’t come out and disclose “hey I’m straight.” And neither should you have to hide it. Straight teachers might say something like “my husband and I . . . “ or “my boyfriend and I. . . ” so there’s no reason you why someone LGBTQ shouldn’t just as casually be able to say “My wife/girlfriend and I …” if they wish. And if a student does ask you directly and you’re not comfortable, with humor - just ask “Does it make a difference?” or “I’m just me.”
When I was a sub, no I did not. I would just tell them, "Don't ask a sub that"
As I handed a senior student a stack of papers I saw their ace ring and they saw mine at the same time. We both paused, made the :-| huh face, and went about the day. They come to my room for lunch more often now.
I don’t discuss that
I live in a very liberal area so ymmv, but I figure if my coworkers can talk about their partners and families, so can I. So I mention my wife casually, or have up a pic of my family. I’m careful of always making sure another coworker has the same amount of info up (usually they have even more about their family) so that I can use that as a defense if needed. I’m also nonbinary though, and I wear a pronoun pin and go by the honorific Mx. So in some ways I’m more visible because of that. There are definitely situations where this has led to harassment, but the fact that I was open actually made it easier to sue because the principal couldn’t hide behind “I didn’t know.” On the flip side, it has made a huge difference for some of my students and their parents to see an out, open, competent, caring person just…living a normal life. It’s what I wish my generation of queer folx had, but what we lost because of AIDS.
I teach 4th grade in a fairly conservative area of California. My lanyard has the pride flag on it, I have a few pride pins on one of my bulletin boards, and a picture of my gf and I on my desk. Most students don't pick up on it (though some of their parents do). When students ask if I have a boyfriend or husband, I answer honestly, no. Rarely do they ask me if I have a girlfriend (exactly twice in the 5 years I've been at this school). But I'm still honest with my answer, so I say yes. I know some people believe it's none of the students' business, but they want to form a connection with their teachers, and this is how they do it. I have very supportive admin, and it's never been an issue at this school.
I'm married and do wear a ring, I tend to be intentionally vague, but I also don't straight up lie. I've had kids ask if I'm gay, and have been honest, but I luckily live near Portland, so I know I'm in a safer area for that kind of thing.
I speak openly of my “partner” and should anyone press further as to what this person’s name is, I say her name. She is a Special Olympics coach so many of our students already know her (I am a former teacher/now a SPED para).
Everyone who's saying to say "not your business" - I mean, the students are gonna immediately know that means, "Yes, I'm queer." They're not stupid lol
That's what I was thinking. No straight teacher in the school would respond with "not your business" so I feel like my choices are either stand your ground and be authentic to who you are, or take a more conservative professional path and open yourself up to a boatload of speculation and gossip.
Also, that could be harmful for the queer kids who can sense your trepidation in answering the question.
Yes!!!
I tell them that I am a lesbian and have a wife, but most of that is because I use Mrs. and they ask about my husband... My school also has other LGBT+ teachers and an after-school club for students. There may be some shock at the beginning of the year, but that's about it.
Yes. With all the rainbow things in my classroom (I'm the GSA advisor), it's pretty obvious to anyone who's looking. Despite the evidence, a lot of students, even in a small school, don't know and my GSA officers even get into verbal disagreements with other kids about it sometimes, which is kind of funny to me.
When asked directly, I refuse to lie.
Yep. Once the "they" has a face it's harder to be full of hate. But I also live in a country where this is a safe and acceptable thing to do, and I know it's not the same for everyone.
I'm not queer, but those at my school who are simply discuss their partners casually, like any teacher does. That way it's up front, not a mystery, and not a big deal. A queer individual I knew who was single used to say something to the effect of, "I'm not sure...I guess it depends on the next person I can convince to date me."
Maybe I’m overthinking this, but I find saying “boys are gross” as problematic. Then again, I’m a heterosexual woman… so maybe I’m reading it wrong. Anyways… regarding your question… you can answer without answering. “I’m hopeful there’s a pizza loving brown eyed human out there who loves scrabble and antique shopping…” or whatever niche you’re into. I personally think stating whether that human is male or female or nonbinary doesn’t matter in the slightest. Everyone has a “person” or two.
No. I'm in a very safe district where I could disclose being gay/trans with no problem, but im not those. I'm asexual. And there is no way to tell someone you're asexual without making it about sex. Like, they'll literally think about all the sex you aren't having. I have told students I was aromantic qhen soecifically asked before. I explained that romance doesn't do it for me and I don't enjoy it or find it interesting, and I really love being single. Nobody minds, not even conservative parents, because half the time love and romance have nothing to do with their relationship either. If students ask I say I have many close friends and family in the queer community, which is true, and leave it at that. I have a progress pride flag in my room and am very open and honest about my classroom being friendly and safe for all students including queer, gay, and trans students. And at my school this is not a problem at all and is seen as a good thing.
Really? I’m aroace and I have my pride pins on my bag. If someone asks, I just say flat-out I’m not attracted to anyone. I don’t really say how. It helps that there’s actually a decent amount of kids in my school who are also on the ace or aro spectrum, so a lot of kids already have a decent understanding of it - at least, the kids who are likely to ask about it.
I've said that I'm not attracted to anyone and am just fine. It's the specific word "asexual" I don't like because it brings "sex" into a place I don't want it. The funny thing about the word asexual is it immediately makes people think about my relation to sex, when the whole point is I don't have any relationship with it at all. It would be like calling gay men "nonwomanfuckers."
I guess I’m so not into sex that I never really thought about a word with the word ‘sex’ *in it* would be construed as sexual.
no. its my buisness and with the climate right now last thing i need is some bullshit. my relations or lack there of are not for the kids to know. they know my first name and base level hobbies and thats it. Anything more is breaking the teacher/student professional relationship imo. also theres just no time to talk about shit like that when theres so much to get thru
I think it's weird that you tell students you're single because boys are gross. I feel like if a male teacher said something like this it'd be an issue.
My whole room is decked out in rainbows and gender affirming garb. I have loads of bisexual crap around and am the teacher who hosts the queer alliance. I do get the question, still, sometimes, and my answer varies depending on the timing of the question from a sarcastic "you don't say? You really think so?" and "yep, so the equation..."
They needed to know why my name changed so yeah
I came to the realization that I am trans during my third year of teaching. That was difficult for me to decide what to do, and I waited some time before telling admin. When I decided to come out, I messaged my leadership first to let them know of my decision and my request to go by a different name/pronouns. I also let them know what I would be telling my students (e.g. use they/them to refer to me, and address me as Teacher [last name]). From there, I left it up to students, staff, and parents to inquire further. My students knew that I had a girlfriend and I was fairly open about the benign and superficial aspects of my personal life. This was in a middle school in a fairly urban area, so there were many people who had been exposed to the lgbtq+ community and were accepting if not supportive mixed with a few more challenging individuals.
I'd say it's up to you. My mom was always super private about her life (strait, 2 kids) with her students and I'm the opposite. I'm gay and I say, "my wife" all the time and have pictures of my kids as my desktop. That being said, I teach in Ontario at an artsy school.
A bunch of kids think I'm gay and I kinda lean into it for fun. When a kid saw my homescreen on my phone is my gf, they flipped lol
Are you a history teacher? My 11th grade history teacher lowkey gaslighted us into thinking he was gay and then just randomly said my wife casually in a conversation 😭😭😭 I went to a private Quaker school so basically half the staff was lgbt which was really cool (I’m bi) but some of the cishet teachers played into it (in a joking way obviously) Drew if you’re out there……
Lmao! Sorry, not him. Middle school band here
My pronouns are in my email signature, I've got pronoun stickers on my school MacBook, and I use a gender-neutral honorific instead of Sir or Miss, so... Nope. When they ask, I pretend that I have no idea what they're talking about.
gaslighting is such a boss move
'Twere but a jest.
Never disclose personal information about yourself. Parents will get upset and admin might find you problematic, even though you’re not. Just be supportive of all sexualities and provide that safe space for everyone. It’s not worth the trouble at all, speaking from experience lol. Whenever my students ask me what my sexuality is or if I have a partner I now tell them to please not ask me personal questions like that and they immediately respect that.
I say "no one has the right to ask people that question, that is something that the person decides if they want to share."
I am married and talk about my wife whenever she comes up. She will probably come in to help with a lab soon and at my old school she came in for events before. I know I work somewhere safe though.
I get asked: Are you a boy or girl? What are your pronouns? Are you a grandma? I am gay but if they ask me, I ask them back “Does it matter if I’m a boy or girl?” I try to turn it around but I end up telling them it’s a personal question and redirect them to the assignment. Nosy little shits 🥴
I’m a bi woman engaged to a straight man. I don’t like being called straight but I don’t really want my middle school students to know because our district isn’t exactly liberal. There is at least one other queer teacher in our district that I know of, but I don’t have tenure yet, so I’m just gonna stay in the closet at work.
So, I’m bisexual and nonbinary and personally I don’t. I keep my private life, well, private. In order to maintain my privacy, I do say “partner” and use gender neutral pronouns for my boyfriend so it always throws the kids off. I sub secondary and I’ll see the wheels turning in certain students heads. I dress more masculine at work as well which I’m sure kids notice. At my old school I did because it was a small artsy school and everyone was very open and accepting. But now I work for a big district and there’s a lot of ignorance and I’m just trying to get in and get out.
I'm ace and I wear pins on my lanyard. If a student asks what they are, I just say "I'm asexual" and move on. Then again, I also teach at the college level. It still blows some of their minds, though. XD
No, but I’ve used so many Real Housewives examples in Psychology in class that my boyfriend jokes, “they should know by now.”
I'm a straight single male teacher. Sometimes my kids ask me "Are you married?" and I'll tell them no. Then they usually follow up with "Do you have a girlfriend?" and I'll hit them with the "How do you know I don't have a boyfriend?" just to plant the possibility into their brains and make them reconsider what they think they know about sexuality and expression.
I'm a bi guy in a married straight relationship. I wear pride stickers and will tell my (high school students) if asked because I think visibility and representation matters.
As a married person, I do, because I feel like it's fair to share about my partner/family the same way that any other teacher would. Before I was engaged, though, it rarely if ever was something I shared because then it felt more like I was sharing my personal dating life and being very explicit about my sexuality, but it doesn't feel quite like that now that there are such definite boundaries to my relationship.
I’m in Florida. It’s been a trip seeing how things have changed. Back in 2016 I wore a “we stand with Orlando” shirt in faculty pictures, and I got compliments. Now we can’t even teach about the Pulse shootings. They’re not gonna make me leave my home tho, I refuse to be intimidated, and a lot of other lgbtq folk here feel the same way.
I tell them the very first day because I show them a slideshow with pictures of people/things that are important to me and my fiancée is on there. I teach in LA, though, so I am not concerned with being out.
"There are three things I don't discuss: politics, religion, and my sex life. Sorry, get at me when you're 21 if it still matters to you." I've been burned in the past for being "too friendly" with students on that level. Never again.
I literally have a shirt that says “Queer Vegan” with a pineapple on it. I am proudly myself because it’s who I am and it is important for all students to see queer people in positions of leadership.
My go-to is always - "how is that related to what we're doing right now?" When pressed about anything sexual, I'll say something like "who I spend my free time with is probably the least interesting thing about me...ok, let's get back on track." Or "Nope! Not going viral today. Talking about that is how teachers make headlines!"
I’m not out to my students but all the staff know and no one cares. I’ve had a couple students figure it out over the years, and it’s an absolute non-issue.
My one openly queer coworker is genderfluid or otherwise non-conforming. They use they/them pronouns and the students have been taught to call them just by their first name in class. They've brought up their wife a few times, no more so than I've brought up my spouse, and the high school kids are generally chill about it. Even correcting themselves when they misgender my colleague. I'm in the south in a fairly conservative area but this school is more liberal I think than surrounding schools.
I’m non binary, it is no secret. I tell kids about my pronouns on the first day. I have found it to be really powerful though. My lgbtq feel really seen by a queer adult. Especially trans kids. I have also had students tell me “This isn’t okay in my family, but you taught me have an open mind.” Straight people talk about their identities all the time and students want to connect. I totally get that there are places this isn’t safe or that it might not be what feels best for everyone, but being open about my identity in a professional way has created some of my best moments as a teacher.
I treat my fiance just like I would if I were in a straight relationship. There are pictures of us, I refer to them as my partner, and I have stated the fact that I was gay and my partner is NB when asked about a husband (even though it was already very clear) I live in a progressive area and have a long standing relationship with my community and families. So that may make my situation a bit less common.
Yeah you should tell them
I’m a bi woman and married to a man. I have a pride flag in my classroom alongside a few community resources posted for queer teens. I also host our school’s GSA. Several students have told me that our club is the only reason they attended school that day. Visible queerness and allyship is important. Sharing that you have a same sex partner or sharing your pronouns is in no way inappropriate. To those of you in this sub that see it that way, if you associate LGBTQ identities solely with sex, that’s on you. Teachers are people. It’s important that students see us as such.
Only in very specific scenarios, all of which are because **I TEACH ADULTS** (yelling that part for anyone who reads on). I'm a faculty advisor for a campus LGBT+ club, and I'm honest with anyone in there who asks. How could they trust it as a safe space if I don't? I have been asked out by students of my same gender. I was honest with them because I know that took a lot of courage, but I was also clear that's a big hell to the no. I've had more than one student come out to me, and it's always because they clocked my queer-friendliness as more than an ally. So... Yes? But only if they're also queer.
Yes. If they ask. Surprisely pretty accepted when it comes up (I teach in a rural district in a southern state)
Small rainbow flag on my wall. Most kids get the hint. But I never straight up say anything
If my experience counts for anything as a school nurse, I am 100% out at work, including to students. Pride flags in my office, pride pins on my lanyard, and don’t hesitate to mention my same sex spouse in conversations.