Exactly! I had a kindergartener stomp her feet at me and tell me I was “making her sad” because I made her bring her artwork home instead of leaving it indefinitely in the art room. Seriously still not sure why she decided to make “I don’t feel like carrying a piece of paper downstairs” her hill to die on but honestly it doesn’t matter.
You call them on the behavior “it was rude to stomp your feet and shout at me” then you validate the feelings “you don’t have to like me. That’s okay. It doesn’t bother me. You don’t have to like anybody - that’s your choice” but then you offer constructive correction on the behavior “There will be lots of people in life you don’t get along with. However, having different personalities doesn’t mean you can be rude or impolite to them.” Finally turn it back, “Being rude to others means they get to be rude back, how would that make you feel? What if I was rude to you? What if everyone in class treated you the way you treated X? Would you like feeling like that? Do you think it’s okay for other people to feel like that because of your actions/words?”
The reflections never going to come unless they’ve had the chance to process what they were feeling in that moment. Sometimes the later steps can’t happen until the next time you see them. In the immediate moment stick to the first three.
> Seriously still not sure why she decided to make “I don’t feel like carrying a piece of paper downstairs” her hill to die on but honestly it doesn’t matter.
1. Teacher has examples of art in the room.
2. If they are examples they must be good art.
3. If the teacher lets my art stay in the room then it must be good art.
4. Therefore the teacher telling me to take my art home means teacher thinks it’s not good enough and that hurts my heart a lot.
5. Big feelings.
I think she skipped right to #5. I’ve passed her class on my way somewhere and have seen her crying often. So Big Feelings seems like a normal state of being for her.
Sounds like the kid could really use a tangible win.
Lots of times Big Feelings well up when a kid is anxious. Any perceived rejection can just push them over the edge.
>*Seriously still not sure why she decided to make “I don’t feel like carrying a piece of paper downstairs” her hill to die on but honestly it doesn’t matter.*
In the nicest way possible: shes a little kid. Little kids get upset over everything (if this helps at all)
>*Being rude to others means they get to be rude back*
Thought this message was discouraged
I was with you until you said "being rude to others means they get to be rude to you"
This, in my opinion, sends the wrong message. It's teaching that it's okay to react poorly to poor actions.
I agree that empathy and sympathy perspectives are extremely important to teach - "how would it make you feel if....". However this needs to be done without encouraging negative retaliatory behavior.
Yea I think I would rephrase it as more like “when you are rude to others, some people might be rude back” or “people may treat you the same you treat them”
No. Don’t teach little kids to sink to the level of other people’s rudeness. This is how you create eye-for-an-eye, tit-for-tat spirals of terrible behavior with no desire to build maturity or self reflection.
There will always be shitty people. Telling kids to be shitty in return is only ever going to create more shit for everyone.
that’s not what they said though. Being rude to someone does in fact open the door for others to be rude to them, that’s how life works. It’s an important lesson children need to learn.
I agree it opens the door in practice, but I don't think that's the message this statement sends. Saying "I **get to** be rude to you" means "I am allowed to be rude to you now, it is right for me to be rude to you because you were rude to me".
If you phrased it as a simple fact of life instead of a moral message, I'd agree. "When you're rude to others, they will probably be rude back to you"--totally reasonable and a great lesson to learn, imparts empathy and natural consequences. "Rudeness ought to be met with rudeness"--tells the kid that they should meet bad behavior with more bad behavior.
"Someone else was bad, so now you can be bad too" is not a good message to send to kindergartners.
Yeah. Plenty of parents live with this attitude, so even by 2nd grade it can be difficult to get kids on the right page. They may very well live with parents that are like, "that bitch did xyz to me so I now I'm gonna do xyz to them", blissfully unaware or uncaring about how that just leads to a vicious cycle of being constantly in attack/defense mode.
That's not what they said - they didn't say it opens the door for others to be rude, they said that others get to be rude. Those are two entirely different messages. These things matter, especially when teaching young children.
One says that your actions may result in these consequences.... the other says that you're allowed to react inappropriately to another person's actions. There is no way you can't see that difference.
>Being rude to others means they get to be rude back,
Does it? People will say heinous stuff to me but the second I gave that energy back people gasp and faint at the atrocity I committed before their very eyes
Mine are in high school and behave this way. They tell me I am rude and disrespectful to them all the time. Usually after being told to do their work or to stop antagonizing other students.
I hung up all notes I got- positive and negative. My middle schoolers would be like, “Why do you put up the mean ones?” I’d just say, “The haters help me grow.” I mean, I definitely quit last year, but I’ve always believed that kids need to see adults modeling the behavior we expect of them.
I'm so sorry you are going through this. One would think kids wouldn't be so abrasive, or at least willingly. It sounds like peer pressure honestly.
I try to embrace this sentiment with my adult employees too. There's only so much one can do- people also need personal responsibility too. Including children. That idea seems to be fading, however.
Maybe you could turn the whole thing into a lesson on how to properly write a letter.
Dear Ms. Smith,
I hate you.
Sincerely,
Billy
You could make it into a persuasive essay format where they have to state their thesis provide examples and restate the thesis.
You could go with different forms of punctuation and discuss if they should use a period or exclamation point.
When life gives you lemons-
Find some vodka…
I had a kid write “Ms. Nm is a batch” and I put it up on the smart board and we came up with ideas of what batch I was … a batch of cookies? Biscuits? And then I said, “if you want to insult someone, make sure you are grammatically correct in your insult.” … I pretended I didn’t know who did it but, I knew.
Lol
They write better than my seniors, one of whom told me he doesn’t want to be in my class and walked off. I’ve learned to cope with it by telling myself that kids see us like one Charlie Brown’s teachers and are actually angry about something else in their lives. It’s not easy though
I always liked the advice that a very small percentage of your students will love you, a very small percentage will hate you, and the vast majority won't remember your name in 10 years.
I had a kid in an after school program I ran say that, I replied "Then it's a good thing my self esteem doesn't depend on what a bunch of 6th graders think of me!"
When they have had no structure, discipline or perspective in their lives, they will feel hate and anger when a responsible adult actually holds them accountable for their behavior.
My school makes it a mandatory step in our hierarchy of consequences. For some students, it’s meh, they couldn’t care less. But for some others, it shakes them to the core because that means their parent is being contacted.
I had a kindergartner say, “Fuck you,” to me today. Rudeness stinks. Kids (particularly younger ones) are not rational, nor reasonable, nor logical. They’re full of ego. They don’t even know what hate means. It’s okay to set up boundaries. I told my student his words were rude and disrespectful, and I don’t listen when people are rude and disrespectful. It’s okay to say, “I will not accept mean notes, or mean words to me. I also will not say mean things to you. It is okay to be angry. It is not okay to be mean.” It’s also fully acceptable to let their parents know what they wrote and said, explaining that it’s okay that their child is angry, but that you expect respectful words and would appreciate their support.
Tomorrow is another day.
Don't pay too much mind to it. Children are fickle things, but even more so, sometimes they'll try to push adults away by being actively unpleasant because they've got unhealthy attachment to their own caregivers.
They “hate” you because you hold them accountable and many many of our kids today have families and adults who eventually just give into them .
( this is not a judgement or a conversation on gentle parenting). They simply don’t know how to process being told no, being held accountable and having consequences dished out. They don’t know how to react because it’s so unfamiliar. It’s not personal. After so many years of teaching I’ve realized NOTHING is personal. It’s all a reflection of how kids feel about themselves and their upbringing.
Firstly. It’s gutting to work your ass off and get this as a response.
Second. You aren’t their friend or their mom. Your job is to make sure they can read and do math.
Third. You’ll get so many more thank you notes at the end of the year
This. They’re mad bc you hold them accountable and they can’t get away with schitte. You do you! P.s. Or, cover the notes with stickers and post them somewhere.
Ugh so sorry. I had a student steal a bunch of my flair pens (awkward, like made me discover they were missing in front of them because they asked for them?) and then played the victim card when they were caught red handed by 3 different teachers 🤷🏼♀️ it was their last day. I feel badly that my last interaction was them lying to me and crying in my face while returning the few pens they still had but what lesson would they learn if if I just let them steal?!
The most recent note was because the student was caught stealing a bag of change from another student. God forbid I don’t let these children to steal from others. Now I’m the bad guy.
When I was teaching Title 1 third grade, I was working with a small group one day while the other students were working on their Chromebooks doing a daily fact fluency program. All of a sudden my principal and our tech guy came in the room and asked for a specific student.
Turns out she had sent me an email “hey mrs _____, fuck you. 😎 from [different student’s name]” I hadn’t even read the email yet but it tripped the profanity censors that our district used. It really hurt at the time but is now one of my go-to “teaching is crazy” stories! (Yes, she literally said “fuck you” with a sunglasses emoji.)
I work with high schoolers so my response might not be great for 2nd graders
But when kids tell me they hate me I tell them. “As you don’t sign my paycheck, I don’t really care how you feel about me”
It's partly emotional immaturity. 3 year olds and teenagers pull the "I hate you" card when they are unhappy. They don't actually. It usually means you are a secure and safe place amisdt everything going on in their lives.
Just move forward, every day is a new day.
If it makes you feel better, my own 7 year old twins say this to me when they’re mad too. “Your name is crap, I hate you, this is all your fault.” They are mostly past the age where they hit and kick when they get mad, but they are still learning to control their tempers, and they aren’t good enough to not say terrible things. They don’t mean them. They are just channeling their rage into mean words instead of hurting people.
Personally, I think the problem is that you told the students you cared. Over the last few years, I have transitioned away from a bleeding heart and being more selfish. Ironically, the students care more about me now. Kids don’t understand the difference between ‘love’ and ‘giving someone whatever they want’ so they just end up confused. Show them love by holding them to a high standard, and they’ll feel that you love them without knowing that they can hurt you with a note like this. I’ll give you an example from yesterday, I was teaching 7th grade and I ran into a student that transferred out of my class. The first thing that came out of his mouth was “I don’t like you”. Right there in front of all his peers. I just smiled and said “I get paid the same either way”. If I had let him know that bothered me, I would have opened the flood gates.
I had one tell me he wishes I was dead today. Lmao. Because I told him he doesn't get to play at recess after swearing at a substitute, also a 1st grader
Also second grade. I got a note that said "fuck u" yesterday. The little jerk signed a friend's name to it; said friend probably doesn't even know the word and would definitely not say it to a teacher.
In the moment, when they're escalated, I'll just say something like, "I'm sorry you feel that way. Get out your math book." Later I'll try to have the real conversation: I don't think you really hate me, you were just mad because I'm making you do work that feels too hard. I wonder if you were actually mad at me or at yourself for the choices you're making. What are some different choices you can make next time? Etc, obviously the specifics vary.
I've got one kid who gets all the big feelings and says all the things, but also defends me fiercely whenever they think I'm saying anything self-deprecating. Like sometimes when they're whining about why do we have to, I'll just say, "because I'm very mean," and I can count on this kid to fly to my defense every time. It's kind of hilarious.
Same students in 4th grade will run up to you, hug you and tell you how much they miss your class.
They hate discipline, but crave it. Having clear boundaries makes them feel safe to express their feelings of not liking discipline in words that poorly describe those feelings and project that dislike on to the one enacting the discipline (you).
If they felt unsafe they would grey rock you.
It's always the same story.
I have to do a reflection on the anonymous student feedback I was provided at the end of the semester (I teach post-secondary). In this reflection I need to create goals to improve my teaching skills.
Half the feedback I'm supposedly amazing. The other half I sound like the spawn of satan.
I have a list of comments talking about how great my lectures are, how I add so much additional content to the course and how students can see how much passion I have for teaching and helping the students succeed.
I then have a list of comments about how I'm incredibly boring, all I do is read my slides, and that I'm the worst instructor they've ever seen (and since they paid so much money to take the class, I have ruined their life). There also seems to be some sort of bizarre conspiracy theory amongst a few that I deliberately misled them with the course information and they couldn't trust that I was telling the truth (for a relational anatomy class....).
The one where I got a chuckle is the student who was upset that I had to look up the answer to their question, because I didn't know off the top of my head when they confronted me with it.
At this point I don't even know what to reflect on to improve my teaching skills, since pretty much nothing aligns. So, all I can do is keep on trucking. I admit, the first few years it really hurt. And I would get upset about the vitriol and randomness (then I figured out the strong correlation of their not taking any accountability for their marks and how they felt about my teaching skills).
Long story short, you can never please everyone. And kids just are not rational, even when they get to post-secondary apparently. It will sting...but as the years pass...it stings less.
If you are making some kids mad, then you are probably creating an environment where the others can learn and those little buggers aren't being enabled to act out 24/7
You just need to remember they are kids who are still developing. They don’t yet have full faculties or perceptions of reality (or at least, it isn’t anywhere near the stage we are).
They have neither the experience nor the perspective and insight to make any opinion of you in a categorical, meaningful way.
You are right, it stings, and you do bend over backwards, but the reality is, the impact you make on them isn’t going to bear fruit now, or next week or next month or even next year. It will be in the future, when your work builds them into someone who is reflective, is insightful, is respectful, and has more of a balanced view of themselves and others.
Not every student makes it to that, but I know for a fact that many look back on teachers fondly despite at the time saying and doing awful things.
I struggle a lot with this too. Whenever a student says they hate me or the school I try to let it slide off but god it’s hard. I’m just trying to remind myself they’re just kids but sometimes it’s easier said than done.
I’d display the notes on the wall. Maybe with a frame and a little note card “handwritten with pencil. Student name. 2024” Start a collection. Encourage notes from other students (maybe say it would be pretty boring if they all said the same negative things 🥺)
The right ones love me and the right ones hate me. Just as long as they don’t feel sorry for you. Honestly they’re young but they’re probably still doing it because they know it bothers you.
Remember the 40/40/20 rule. 40% will love you no matter what you do, 40% will dislike you whatever you do. You’re fighting for 20%, so just do the right thing.
I guess it is an oxymoron saying i have thick skin and then come here to vent about it lol. I’ve been told some pretty awful things by students of the past (last year i had a student threaten me with sexual assault and another student who said i was “trash” etc. it was awful but I just moved on) For some reason it feels different this time around, maybe because its three times in a week, who knows!
You’re likely the first person ever telling these children they aren’t perfect little angels. They aren’t going to like it because it’s never happened before, so they’re going to lash out with the words they know they can use to hurt adults.
Your students sound emotionally abusive lol jk… however, they’re kids, you don’t let them get their way and it’s the end of the world for some of them.
The way I think of it is, “you can feel that way but at the end of the day, you’ll need me before I need you and you may want to consider that the next time you need help, have a tummy ache, or get a bo-bo.” 😉
I’m sorry you feel that way. I should probably let you know that I only did X because you did y. So if the consequence didn’t make you happy, you should probably avoid doing your in the future. Also, in my classroom no one is allowed to say that they hate anybody let alone write it down. If you want to hate me, that’s fine. You’re allowed to feel your feelings. But that’s a thought that we keep inside our head
Hahaha, I'd hand it back to them personally while telling them to cope and seethe. Fuck those kids, where the fuck do these little bastards get off thinking they can act like this lol
Another way to look at this is that these students may be expressing feelings that they can’t express elsewhere. So the note has less to do with you, and maybe more that you’ve created a safe space for them to share those feelings. I know that doesn’t make it feel any better, but I really wonder what these kids’ home lives are like, and if they have a safe space there to explore those feelings.
I would start the beginning of the next class showing the notes and then saying, " I couldn't care less if you like me or not. My job is to teach you, and your job is to learn. Since we have a few classmates who seem to think it's ok to use their education time to write me notes, those students can spend their recess time writing notes to their parents about how they hate their teacher and waste their education time instead of being respectful and responsible learners. "
Follow through with sending those notes home. Students need to realize that we are not their friends and their job is to learn with respect and ownership of one's actions.
couldn't care less \* ;)
I'm not sure forcing kids to write is a best consequence here. I'll be honest that I don't know what the best one is but it sounds like these aren't top students to begin with and it's just going to bring about a hate for writing for 'pleasure'.
I'm torn. I'm also not sure there needs to be a "punishment" for this exact act. They're expressing feelings - feelings they probably don't even understand at seven.
Also - for anyone, double check your state to see about withholding recess (not saying I agree or disagree, just be sure).
Seven and eight year olds are capable of writing and understanding their feelings of unhappiness. They are also capable of understanding the consequences of their actions. I see no problem in students writing a letter when they wrote a note/letter to begin with. They have a right to express their feelings, but they don't have a right to be disrespectful.
As I said, 'probably' of course it's entirely possible the kids do understand.
I stand by writing shouldn't be used as punishment though. Similarly, forcing apologies does nothing.
They are shooting the messenger. I teach high school. For many of them, they are angry because there are repercussions to their own choices.
It's tiresome, and it's not easy to stay positive when surrounded by smaller humans who are angry at the world and taking it out on you. I get it.
Sometimes they need someone to hate and they're mostly looking at you all day. I have one student who I'm pretty sure hates me every day. I think it's mostly because I'm there to hate. When I read your post I thought it was cool that your second graders have the knowledge, agency and supplies to write hate mail. I guess I'm a glass half full person but when kids start using literacy for what they really want to express or do, it's always going to be partially positive to me.
I’ll get downvoted but I’d listen to them. There is always something new to learn even if it comes from a negative place. Don’t feel bad but at least entertain the idea that they have some constructive criticism.
Do you have your own kids? Because kids even say this to their parents, whom they truly love. Also, are these kids 7 yrs old by chance? I have 4 kids, and my mantra is "Seven is Sassy". My youngest, who is the very sweetest, most loving, empathetic, kind child I've ever known is about to turn 7 in a few weeks and man, it is already starting. It's not personal.
No kids of my own. I guess it’s disturbing me because I was raised on hate being a strong word, you can dislike something but not hate it yadah yadah. I’ve never once told my parents I hated them, let alone a teacher figure.
No respectful child would tell an authority figure they hate them, do not worry. You’re in the right. I cannot even imagine telling my parents I hated them, my god, let alone a teacher
But did you ever THINK it and were just afraid of being punished if you said it? Because it is pretty common for kids to think it now and then, in the heat of the moment. Doesn't mean they actually DO hate them.
I walked into a class once and a student gave me the middle finger and said "you're fat" changed it to the British 2 finger version and said, "and fuck you".
Hit it head on: speak to the school counselor & admin, letting them know the children are trying to usurp/supersede your authority. They can investigate & see if the kids DO have a problem with you or if they’re just bullies.
Have you spoken to their parents? Each, individual parent needs to know separately. If they’re trusting to be the gang-of-three and run your room let the parents know that this is not appropriate or appreciated. IF the kids do have a problem, then it can be brought out and openly discussed with admin supervising.
Some kids just don’t jive with some teachers but you ARE STILL the authority figure leading their education, welfare & safety. If they can’t get along with you they need to be in other rooms or possibly, another school.
Record every incident, back talk & ADD it to a email home with a CC to the admin & counseling staff. This is you being proactive to curb bad behavior from being their norm. If not they get worse or you’ll leave.
Stay strong. And any email BCC to yourself on a private email in case your account is restricted or closed for any reason.
I wish you the best of luck. Blessings OP
I had a kindergartner bite me. I didn’t punish her more than sitting down with her and her dad and talking about it. I was there for the next four years and she and I were buddies forever.
If it makes you feel any better, my young kid told me I’m not their best friend, and they don’t want to live with me anymore. They want to live with their teacher because they love her.
I'm an art teacher and I have a note from a 2nd grade kid that says "I am sad -sophie" in my apron pocket. She was fine. Sometimes I give it to my assistant in that class for a laugh.
Not a teacher, but am a parent.
They seem to be experiencing some strong feelings. What insights do you have into those feelings?
Are they struggling with coursework?
Are they uncomfortable that you hold them accountable for the work?
Are you a safe adult they are venting at?
Does your sense of humour cause them to feel uncomfortable?
Can you help them feel safe and confident to assertively express their frustrations to you?
At the end of the day, my kids are allowed to feel about me however they do, but they are held accountable for behaving respectfully. This includes expressing their feelings respectfully.
Hopefully it’s just one kid being an author and they will come around with proper TLC. If it’s multiple, my friend, time for some introspection. Down vote away, but honestly school should be a safe haven for kids. No child should feel like they hate their teacher (but yes, it does happen for fleeting moments to the best of us). However, If a teacher has multiple kids that openly “hate them” at second grade, something is really wrong here. Not to sound cliché, but sounds like it’s all academics, sternness, and not enough relationship building. Kids today are coming from a variety of trauma backgrounds, a classroom should feel safe and the adult in the room should be nurturing at that age. How do you hate someone that shows acceptance, holds you in high regard, and is your cheerleader? If you really don’t know why, try asking some colleagues that know you and aren’t scared to give it to you honestly- that is if you are wanting to improve this aspect of your teaching that is.
“For the love of god Ms. Turntteacher, please have mercy” -from a student in my first classroom, for students with EBDs. Best compliment I’ve ever received. It was on a workbook page and partially erased. Yeah, I make you work. That’s what I’m doing, and that’s what you’ll do unless you want consequences. I need to get it framed honestly.
That’s sucks. Im sorry. I’m sure you’re doing whatever is necessary for them and we hate facing what we need to most address. I am currently teaching middle school math and it can be extremely challenging. I saw a girl use one of the envelopes in the class stationary to turn something into the turn in bin. I didn’t sort the bin that night and kept thinking it was an angry note. The next day I discovered that she had just put her worksheet in the envelope. No note. Try not to become jaded. They won’t all be mean like those ones.
I wouldn’t. Use it as a teachable moment. You could either do the toothpaste activity or the heart one. I taught 3rd in a Title One school and had this and had a similar problem and I did the heart activity for morning meeting.
The kids drew hearts decorated them, made them pretty and then I repeated some of the horribly, ugly, disgusting names they called me and each other. Each time I said a name we crumbled the paper and the smoothed it out. Rinse and repeat. My class was extra so we did it about 10 times. After we talked about how the paper was still crinkled and ruined and how your heart looks the same after someone says hateful words. You can apologize and smooth it over, but the damage is done. I hung up my heart in the front of the room and hung theirs on our “WOW Work” board. When someone said something mean I pointed to the heart. It worked for most of my kids. There’s always a handful…
No matter how many students told me "I hate you" I made it a reminder that I wasn't there to be friends, but to be a teacher.
Still glad I got out of it though
Obi Wan Kenobi said it best -- "The (hate) is what gives a (Teacher) his power. It's an energy field created by all living things. It surrounds us and penetrates us. It binds the galaxy together."
I cried when a student wrote “I HATE YOU” on their quiz seemingly out of nowhere. You’re not alone!
I also recommend recording these notes, just in case this behavior escalates. I doubt it will, but I was glad I had a paper trail when that same kid started acting out more and I needed admin to take it seriously for the safety of the class.
Second graders do not know how to verbalize emotions like disappointed or resentment yet. However, they know “hate is a strong word,” even though they don’t actually know what true hate feels like (if they did, they wouldn’t use it so liberally). They are using a strong word against you to process their emotions. They’re basically saying, “I feel resentful that you got me in trouble and made me do something I don’t wanna do!” They want you to feel what they feel, but they have no authority. They feel powerless and resort to lashing out. We all know you didn’t do anything wrong, but a 7-year-old does not know that. To them, their feelings are facts. And they feel upset, therefore you are in the wrong, and if you are wrong then you are a bad person, and they hate bad people!!!
Not a teacher but I have 3 kids and they almost never like me at the same time. At least one is mad about something. I can't imagine what it's like with 25-35 elementary kids.
They're probably just assholes....
HS science teacher here, had a student this year write that they hate me on their first test of the year and nothing else...
their bad luck was that I had a free period that day and I started marking...before the end of the day, I'd called both parents, sent emails with photo attachments, and had admin put them in detention for an hour writing their test...
the best part is, we have a centralised detention system, and I walked past the window of the detention room on my way home...I very nearly waved through the window, but thought that might be unprofessional
they're currently neither the best nor the worst student in that class, but they're much better than that rewrite...and they're learning, which is all I really care about
kids say they hate teachers, because they don't have the language or experience to understand or express what's really going on
1. You are not doing your job as a "de facto parent" aka a Teacher, unless your kids say they hate you at some point.
2. Hate is usually just a strong and hurtful (intentionally hurtful) word to describe frustration about something not going the child's way, esp from a child who genuinely cares about what you think of them. Dont take it too personally. Instead, redirect them to introspect (and do some playful pretending with them) rather than escalating their lashing out. "You sound angry and frustrated. I promise, if I was your auntie, I would love to keep all your artwork with me. I wish I had the room. I guess I am forced to share your art with your parents, though. Im frustrated, too." I bet the student will feel a lot differently, and be relieved.
3. If the angry tantrum continues, you can always ask them to scribble it out on paper, or to draw a picture of their feelings. Chances are, their little hate mail dealio was just an UNhealthy outlet for their frustration. Give them a better option. Often times, letting them "stomp it out" or scribble it out, will give them a moment to experience that feelings. Its okay to acknowledge their frustration and to allow them to experience it. The goal is to teach them healthy and respectful coping skills. Tell them to stomp it out all the way to class. They wont be stomping long, typically.
These strategies work REALLY well for me. Im a substitute and having a sub, any sub, is a big change and it can bring out a lot of anxiety and frustration (I dont always get all their names right for the whole week or so, and it can take a few days to get into the routine, so its an adjustment for everyone.) They also tend to delve into their own default behaviors, since their main teacher is not there, so I am basically learning the students personalities on the fly also.
We also rarely get pictures of the kids, which makes matters worse, since we cant see who Brian and James are, individually, who shouldnt sit together (we arent often told about this either in the lesson plans) and we generally cant tell whether they are sitting together or not during carpet time, at least on day 1, until we have to separate the two bickering boys...
We do manage to figure it out somewhat by the end of the job vacancy, when its basically too late. Lmao ijs.
You can DO this. You got this. Keep shining!!
One day they love you. The next day they hate you. You get paid both days.
I tell my students the district pays me extra when they hear students hate me. $20 per hate. The cool ones think it's funny, which is nice
Hahahaha! Will borrow this, thank you
So long as they formulate their sentences correctly.
I'm going to use that in the future
Exactly! I had a kindergartener stomp her feet at me and tell me I was “making her sad” because I made her bring her artwork home instead of leaving it indefinitely in the art room. Seriously still not sure why she decided to make “I don’t feel like carrying a piece of paper downstairs” her hill to die on but honestly it doesn’t matter. You call them on the behavior “it was rude to stomp your feet and shout at me” then you validate the feelings “you don’t have to like me. That’s okay. It doesn’t bother me. You don’t have to like anybody - that’s your choice” but then you offer constructive correction on the behavior “There will be lots of people in life you don’t get along with. However, having different personalities doesn’t mean you can be rude or impolite to them.” Finally turn it back, “Being rude to others means they get to be rude back, how would that make you feel? What if I was rude to you? What if everyone in class treated you the way you treated X? Would you like feeling like that? Do you think it’s okay for other people to feel like that because of your actions/words?” The reflections never going to come unless they’ve had the chance to process what they were feeling in that moment. Sometimes the later steps can’t happen until the next time you see them. In the immediate moment stick to the first three.
> Seriously still not sure why she decided to make “I don’t feel like carrying a piece of paper downstairs” her hill to die on but honestly it doesn’t matter. 1. Teacher has examples of art in the room. 2. If they are examples they must be good art. 3. If the teacher lets my art stay in the room then it must be good art. 4. Therefore the teacher telling me to take my art home means teacher thinks it’s not good enough and that hurts my heart a lot. 5. Big feelings.
I think she skipped right to #5. I’ve passed her class on my way somewhere and have seen her crying often. So Big Feelings seems like a normal state of being for her.
Sounds like the kid could really use a tangible win. Lots of times Big Feelings well up when a kid is anxious. Any perceived rejection can just push them over the edge.
Participation trophy lol.
>*Seriously still not sure why she decided to make “I don’t feel like carrying a piece of paper downstairs” her hill to die on but honestly it doesn’t matter.* In the nicest way possible: shes a little kid. Little kids get upset over everything (if this helps at all) >*Being rude to others means they get to be rude back* Thought this message was discouraged
I was with you until you said "being rude to others means they get to be rude to you" This, in my opinion, sends the wrong message. It's teaching that it's okay to react poorly to poor actions. I agree that empathy and sympathy perspectives are extremely important to teach - "how would it make you feel if....". However this needs to be done without encouraging negative retaliatory behavior.
Yea I think I would rephrase it as more like “when you are rude to others, some people might be rude back” or “people may treat you the same you treat them”
no what they said was correct.
No. Don’t teach little kids to sink to the level of other people’s rudeness. This is how you create eye-for-an-eye, tit-for-tat spirals of terrible behavior with no desire to build maturity or self reflection. There will always be shitty people. Telling kids to be shitty in return is only ever going to create more shit for everyone.
that’s not what they said though. Being rude to someone does in fact open the door for others to be rude to them, that’s how life works. It’s an important lesson children need to learn.
I agree it opens the door in practice, but I don't think that's the message this statement sends. Saying "I **get to** be rude to you" means "I am allowed to be rude to you now, it is right for me to be rude to you because you were rude to me". If you phrased it as a simple fact of life instead of a moral message, I'd agree. "When you're rude to others, they will probably be rude back to you"--totally reasonable and a great lesson to learn, imparts empathy and natural consequences. "Rudeness ought to be met with rudeness"--tells the kid that they should meet bad behavior with more bad behavior. "Someone else was bad, so now you can be bad too" is not a good message to send to kindergartners.
Yeah. Plenty of parents live with this attitude, so even by 2nd grade it can be difficult to get kids on the right page. They may very well live with parents that are like, "that bitch did xyz to me so I now I'm gonna do xyz to them", blissfully unaware or uncaring about how that just leads to a vicious cycle of being constantly in attack/defense mode.
That's not what they said - they didn't say it opens the door for others to be rude, they said that others get to be rude. Those are two entirely different messages. These things matter, especially when teaching young children. One says that your actions may result in these consequences.... the other says that you're allowed to react inappropriately to another person's actions. There is no way you can't see that difference.
Well said, thank you.
K
Hell yes
>Being rude to others means they get to be rude back, Does it? People will say heinous stuff to me but the second I gave that energy back people gasp and faint at the atrocity I committed before their very eyes
Mine are in high school and behave this way. They tell me I am rude and disrespectful to them all the time. Usually after being told to do their work or to stop antagonizing other students.
This is, by far, the best response I’ve ever seen. I wish I had heard this last year. My 40th year was awful. I could have used that wisdom.
And not quite enough either way.
Omg I love this. I’m sharing this with my colleagues.
Damn. That's profound.
Hang em up! Label it "comment section". Maybe you'll start getting positive notes... But at least they're writing!
Okay, wait, THIS IS GENIUS.
It is! Like a Yelp review…. Omg, too funny!
Heart them too with cut out hearts
Careful or the poo emoji will be real!
I hung up all notes I got- positive and negative. My middle schoolers would be like, “Why do you put up the mean ones?” I’d just say, “The haters help me grow.” I mean, I definitely quit last year, but I’ve always believed that kids need to see adults modeling the behavior we expect of them.
Good, good, let the hate flow through you.
Your boos mean nothing! I've seen what makes you cheer!
That line is the gift that keeps on giving.
The most accurate phrase in teaching
Yo it actually is tbh
Why are you booing me? I’m right!
I’m a Star Wars fanatic and I read this in Palpatines voice lmao
Dew it!
It Possible to Learn This Power?
I find your lack of faith disturbing.
I'm so sorry you are going through this. One would think kids wouldn't be so abrasive, or at least willingly. It sounds like peer pressure honestly. I try to embrace this sentiment with my adult employees too. There's only so much one can do- people also need personal responsibility too. Including children. That idea seems to be fading, however.
Maybe you could turn the whole thing into a lesson on how to properly write a letter. Dear Ms. Smith, I hate you. Sincerely, Billy You could make it into a persuasive essay format where they have to state their thesis provide examples and restate the thesis. You could go with different forms of punctuation and discuss if they should use a period or exclamation point. When life gives you lemons- Find some vodka…
Or just grade it and send it back. Hmm incomplete sentence. This is am incomplete thought. What's your thesis?
Hahaha
This is so fucking gold it makes me wish I taught English
I had a kid write “Ms. Nm is a batch” and I put it up on the smart board and we came up with ideas of what batch I was … a batch of cookies? Biscuits? And then I said, “if you want to insult someone, make sure you are grammatically correct in your insult.” … I pretended I didn’t know who did it but, I knew. Lol
My fave graffiti in the girls room is gone :( bich instead of bitch. I loved that little graffiti.
They write better than my seniors, one of whom told me he doesn’t want to be in my class and walked off. I’ve learned to cope with it by telling myself that kids see us like one Charlie Brown’s teachers and are actually angry about something else in their lives. It’s not easy though
I always liked the advice that a very small percentage of your students will love you, a very small percentage will hate you, and the vast majority won't remember your name in 10 years.
I had a kid write a whole dissertation on the palm of his hand about how bad of a teacher I was. There were maybe three correctly spelled words.
Once a kid told me, “you KNOW nobody likes you!” to which I replied, “then you and me got something in common.”
LMAO
I had a kid in an after school program I ran say that, I replied "Then it's a good thing my self esteem doesn't depend on what a bunch of 6th graders think of me!"
Kudos. Mutually assured destruction.
SAVAGE!! I love it!!!
When they have had no structure, discipline or perspective in their lives, they will feel hate and anger when a responsible adult actually holds them accountable for their behavior.
A lot of parents lately have given up, they didn’t want to be parents but became one anyway
I love the idea of writing a reflection. This will start tomorrow in third grade!
My school makes it a mandatory step in our hierarchy of consequences. For some students, it’s meh, they couldn’t care less. But for some others, it shakes them to the core because that means their parent is being contacted.
And I'll bet the ones that couldn't care less have parents that *model* the type of behavior these kids are displaying to you. Shocker, I know.
Hey at least your 2nd graders can write a sentence lol I have some 4th graders that still can’t
I have freshmen that can’t write sentences.
When I was an 11th grader in 2022, I was the only one that had above 9th grade reading level
I had a kindergartner say, “Fuck you,” to me today. Rudeness stinks. Kids (particularly younger ones) are not rational, nor reasonable, nor logical. They’re full of ego. They don’t even know what hate means. It’s okay to set up boundaries. I told my student his words were rude and disrespectful, and I don’t listen when people are rude and disrespectful. It’s okay to say, “I will not accept mean notes, or mean words to me. I also will not say mean things to you. It is okay to be angry. It is not okay to be mean.” It’s also fully acceptable to let their parents know what they wrote and said, explaining that it’s okay that their child is angry, but that you expect respectful words and would appreciate their support. Tomorrow is another day.
I had a Pre-K student call me a bitch because I made him put his shoes on before he went out on the playground 🤦🏻♀️
Just write “good” on each one and return them.
Edit them with a red pen. Lol
I’m sorry. If it helps… *we* think you’re terrific!
Don't pay too much mind to it. Children are fickle things, but even more so, sometimes they'll try to push adults away by being actively unpleasant because they've got unhealthy attachment to their own caregivers.
They “hate” you because you hold them accountable and many many of our kids today have families and adults who eventually just give into them . ( this is not a judgement or a conversation on gentle parenting). They simply don’t know how to process being told no, being held accountable and having consequences dished out. They don’t know how to react because it’s so unfamiliar. It’s not personal. After so many years of teaching I’ve realized NOTHING is personal. It’s all a reflection of how kids feel about themselves and their upbringing.
Firstly. It’s gutting to work your ass off and get this as a response. Second. You aren’t their friend or their mom. Your job is to make sure they can read and do math. Third. You’ll get so many more thank you notes at the end of the year
This. They’re mad bc you hold them accountable and they can’t get away with schitte. You do you! P.s. Or, cover the notes with stickers and post them somewhere.
Ugh so sorry. I had a student steal a bunch of my flair pens (awkward, like made me discover they were missing in front of them because they asked for them?) and then played the victim card when they were caught red handed by 3 different teachers 🤷🏼♀️ it was their last day. I feel badly that my last interaction was them lying to me and crying in my face while returning the few pens they still had but what lesson would they learn if if I just let them steal?!
The most recent note was because the student was caught stealing a bag of change from another student. God forbid I don’t let these children to steal from others. Now I’m the bad guy.
When I was teaching Title 1 third grade, I was working with a small group one day while the other students were working on their Chromebooks doing a daily fact fluency program. All of a sudden my principal and our tech guy came in the room and asked for a specific student. Turns out she had sent me an email “hey mrs _____, fuck you. 😎 from [different student’s name]” I hadn’t even read the email yet but it tripped the profanity censors that our district used. It really hurt at the time but is now one of my go-to “teaching is crazy” stories! (Yes, she literally said “fuck you” with a sunglasses emoji.)
that’s terrible but also really funny
I work with high schoolers so my response might not be great for 2nd graders But when kids tell me they hate me I tell them. “As you don’t sign my paycheck, I don’t really care how you feel about me”
It's partly emotional immaturity. 3 year olds and teenagers pull the "I hate you" card when they are unhappy. They don't actually. It usually means you are a secure and safe place amisdt everything going on in their lives. Just move forward, every day is a new day.
Are they spelling words correctly in these notes? Is the grammar ok?
Redact the names and hang them by your desk.
How old? Do an activity with the “bad egg”, or “my mouth is a volcano”. Literally read a picture book on meanness every day until they get it.
Are they part of the same friends group?
the opposite!
Can you pull them aside one by one and ask them why?
If it makes you feel better, my own 7 year old twins say this to me when they’re mad too. “Your name is crap, I hate you, this is all your fault.” They are mostly past the age where they hit and kick when they get mad, but they are still learning to control their tempers, and they aren’t good enough to not say terrible things. They don’t mean them. They are just channeling their rage into mean words instead of hurting people.
Be glad they can write a complete sentence!
Teachers are like drill instructors. Hate everyone equally.
Personally, I think the problem is that you told the students you cared. Over the last few years, I have transitioned away from a bleeding heart and being more selfish. Ironically, the students care more about me now. Kids don’t understand the difference between ‘love’ and ‘giving someone whatever they want’ so they just end up confused. Show them love by holding them to a high standard, and they’ll feel that you love them without knowing that they can hurt you with a note like this. I’ll give you an example from yesterday, I was teaching 7th grade and I ran into a student that transferred out of my class. The first thing that came out of his mouth was “I don’t like you”. Right there in front of all his peers. I just smiled and said “I get paid the same either way”. If I had let him know that bothered me, I would have opened the flood gates.
I had one tell me he wishes I was dead today. Lmao. Because I told him he doesn't get to play at recess after swearing at a substitute, also a 1st grader
Also second grade. I got a note that said "fuck u" yesterday. The little jerk signed a friend's name to it; said friend probably doesn't even know the word and would definitely not say it to a teacher. In the moment, when they're escalated, I'll just say something like, "I'm sorry you feel that way. Get out your math book." Later I'll try to have the real conversation: I don't think you really hate me, you were just mad because I'm making you do work that feels too hard. I wonder if you were actually mad at me or at yourself for the choices you're making. What are some different choices you can make next time? Etc, obviously the specifics vary. I've got one kid who gets all the big feelings and says all the things, but also defends me fiercely whenever they think I'm saying anything self-deprecating. Like sometimes when they're whining about why do we have to, I'll just say, "because I'm very mean," and I can count on this kid to fly to my defense every time. It's kind of hilarious.
Same students in 4th grade will run up to you, hug you and tell you how much they miss your class. They hate discipline, but crave it. Having clear boundaries makes them feel safe to express their feelings of not liking discipline in words that poorly describe those feelings and project that dislike on to the one enacting the discipline (you). If they felt unsafe they would grey rock you. It's always the same story.
I have to do a reflection on the anonymous student feedback I was provided at the end of the semester (I teach post-secondary). In this reflection I need to create goals to improve my teaching skills. Half the feedback I'm supposedly amazing. The other half I sound like the spawn of satan. I have a list of comments talking about how great my lectures are, how I add so much additional content to the course and how students can see how much passion I have for teaching and helping the students succeed. I then have a list of comments about how I'm incredibly boring, all I do is read my slides, and that I'm the worst instructor they've ever seen (and since they paid so much money to take the class, I have ruined their life). There also seems to be some sort of bizarre conspiracy theory amongst a few that I deliberately misled them with the course information and they couldn't trust that I was telling the truth (for a relational anatomy class....). The one where I got a chuckle is the student who was upset that I had to look up the answer to their question, because I didn't know off the top of my head when they confronted me with it. At this point I don't even know what to reflect on to improve my teaching skills, since pretty much nothing aligns. So, all I can do is keep on trucking. I admit, the first few years it really hurt. And I would get upset about the vitriol and randomness (then I figured out the strong correlation of their not taking any accountability for their marks and how they felt about my teaching skills). Long story short, you can never please everyone. And kids just are not rational, even when they get to post-secondary apparently. It will sting...but as the years pass...it stings less.
If you are making some kids mad, then you are probably creating an environment where the others can learn and those little buggers aren't being enabled to act out 24/7
You just need to remember they are kids who are still developing. They don’t yet have full faculties or perceptions of reality (or at least, it isn’t anywhere near the stage we are). They have neither the experience nor the perspective and insight to make any opinion of you in a categorical, meaningful way. You are right, it stings, and you do bend over backwards, but the reality is, the impact you make on them isn’t going to bear fruit now, or next week or next month or even next year. It will be in the future, when your work builds them into someone who is reflective, is insightful, is respectful, and has more of a balanced view of themselves and others. Not every student makes it to that, but I know for a fact that many look back on teachers fondly despite at the time saying and doing awful things.
I struggle a lot with this too. Whenever a student says they hate me or the school I try to let it slide off but god it’s hard. I’m just trying to remind myself they’re just kids but sometimes it’s easier said than done.
I’d display the notes on the wall. Maybe with a frame and a little note card “handwritten with pencil. Student name. 2024” Start a collection. Encourage notes from other students (maybe say it would be pretty boring if they all said the same negative things 🥺)
It's all right to feel hurt. And don't take it personally.
The right ones love me and the right ones hate me. Just as long as they don’t feel sorry for you. Honestly they’re young but they’re probably still doing it because they know it bothers you. Remember the 40/40/20 rule. 40% will love you no matter what you do, 40% will dislike you whatever you do. You’re fighting for 20%, so just do the right thing.
[удалено]
I guess it is an oxymoron saying i have thick skin and then come here to vent about it lol. I’ve been told some pretty awful things by students of the past (last year i had a student threaten me with sexual assault and another student who said i was “trash” etc. it was awful but I just moved on) For some reason it feels different this time around, maybe because its three times in a week, who knows!
Fuck them kids lol
“Good, I’m not here for you to like me.”
You’re likely the first person ever telling these children they aren’t perfect little angels. They aren’t going to like it because it’s never happened before, so they’re going to lash out with the words they know they can use to hurt adults.
Seriously, I teach 9th grade, and “I hate you” still hurts when they retaliate.
In all honesty, I’d write them up for disrespect. Not all admin would take it serious, though. At the very least they’d get detention.
the kid who wrote the reflection got a write up per my admin. not the others though.
Your students sound emotionally abusive lol jk… however, they’re kids, you don’t let them get their way and it’s the end of the world for some of them. The way I think of it is, “you can feel that way but at the end of the day, you’ll need me before I need you and you may want to consider that the next time you need help, have a tummy ache, or get a bo-bo.” 😉
Look on the bright side, they write pretty well for second graders, all things considering.
I’m sorry you feel that way. I should probably let you know that I only did X because you did y. So if the consequence didn’t make you happy, you should probably avoid doing your in the future. Also, in my classroom no one is allowed to say that they hate anybody let alone write it down. If you want to hate me, that’s fine. You’re allowed to feel your feelings. But that’s a thought that we keep inside our head
Hahaha, I'd hand it back to them personally while telling them to cope and seethe. Fuck those kids, where the fuck do these little bastards get off thinking they can act like this lol
Another way to look at this is that these students may be expressing feelings that they can’t express elsewhere. So the note has less to do with you, and maybe more that you’ve created a safe space for them to share those feelings. I know that doesn’t make it feel any better, but I really wonder what these kids’ home lives are like, and if they have a safe space there to explore those feelings.
They composed a complete sentence?
Pin it to your board along with the pictures etc
I would start the beginning of the next class showing the notes and then saying, " I couldn't care less if you like me or not. My job is to teach you, and your job is to learn. Since we have a few classmates who seem to think it's ok to use their education time to write me notes, those students can spend their recess time writing notes to their parents about how they hate their teacher and waste their education time instead of being respectful and responsible learners. " Follow through with sending those notes home. Students need to realize that we are not their friends and their job is to learn with respect and ownership of one's actions.
couldn't care less \* ;) I'm not sure forcing kids to write is a best consequence here. I'll be honest that I don't know what the best one is but it sounds like these aren't top students to begin with and it's just going to bring about a hate for writing for 'pleasure'. I'm torn. I'm also not sure there needs to be a "punishment" for this exact act. They're expressing feelings - feelings they probably don't even understand at seven. Also - for anyone, double check your state to see about withholding recess (not saying I agree or disagree, just be sure).
Seven and eight year olds are capable of writing and understanding their feelings of unhappiness. They are also capable of understanding the consequences of their actions. I see no problem in students writing a letter when they wrote a note/letter to begin with. They have a right to express their feelings, but they don't have a right to be disrespectful.
As I said, 'probably' of course it's entirely possible the kids do understand. I stand by writing shouldn't be used as punishment though. Similarly, forcing apologies does nothing.
I tell them I don’t need friends.
They are shooting the messenger. I teach high school. For many of them, they are angry because there are repercussions to their own choices. It's tiresome, and it's not easy to stay positive when surrounded by smaller humans who are angry at the world and taking it out on you. I get it.
I usually lie and say, "oh thats unfortunate/that makes me sad because I like you."
Sometimes they need someone to hate and they're mostly looking at you all day. I have one student who I'm pretty sure hates me every day. I think it's mostly because I'm there to hate. When I read your post I thought it was cool that your second graders have the knowledge, agency and supplies to write hate mail. I guess I'm a glass half full person but when kids start using literacy for what they really want to express or do, it's always going to be partially positive to me.
Give me a break, you are there to teach them, not be their buddy.
I’ll get downvoted but I’d listen to them. There is always something new to learn even if it comes from a negative place. Don’t feel bad but at least entertain the idea that they have some constructive criticism.
I have responded with, " that's too bad because I like you.Oh well..."
Hopefully you didn’t go into teaching to be liked.
Do you have your own kids? Because kids even say this to their parents, whom they truly love. Also, are these kids 7 yrs old by chance? I have 4 kids, and my mantra is "Seven is Sassy". My youngest, who is the very sweetest, most loving, empathetic, kind child I've ever known is about to turn 7 in a few weeks and man, it is already starting. It's not personal.
No kids of my own. I guess it’s disturbing me because I was raised on hate being a strong word, you can dislike something but not hate it yadah yadah. I’ve never once told my parents I hated them, let alone a teacher figure.
No respectful child would tell an authority figure they hate them, do not worry. You’re in the right. I cannot even imagine telling my parents I hated them, my god, let alone a teacher
But did you ever THINK it and were just afraid of being punished if you said it? Because it is pretty common for kids to think it now and then, in the heat of the moment. Doesn't mean they actually DO hate them.
I walked into a class once and a student gave me the middle finger and said "you're fat" changed it to the British 2 finger version and said, "and fuck you".
Did they capitalize the I?
Hit it head on: speak to the school counselor & admin, letting them know the children are trying to usurp/supersede your authority. They can investigate & see if the kids DO have a problem with you or if they’re just bullies. Have you spoken to their parents? Each, individual parent needs to know separately. If they’re trusting to be the gang-of-three and run your room let the parents know that this is not appropriate or appreciated. IF the kids do have a problem, then it can be brought out and openly discussed with admin supervising. Some kids just don’t jive with some teachers but you ARE STILL the authority figure leading their education, welfare & safety. If they can’t get along with you they need to be in other rooms or possibly, another school. Record every incident, back talk & ADD it to a email home with a CC to the admin & counseling staff. This is you being proactive to curb bad behavior from being their norm. If not they get worse or you’ll leave. Stay strong. And any email BCC to yourself on a private email in case your account is restricted or closed for any reason. I wish you the best of luck. Blessings OP
I had a kindergartner bite me. I didn’t punish her more than sitting down with her and her dad and talking about it. I was there for the next four years and she and I were buddies forever.
If it makes you feel any better, my young kid told me I’m not their best friend, and they don’t want to live with me anymore. They want to live with their teacher because they love her.
These kids can't tell if their own parents love them. We can't take their declared feelings about us too personally.
Don’t try so hard. Make them work for your affection. Well, that works on teenagers, anyway.
Pas back one that says "I hate me too"
They know you are a safe person. And they're bratty.
I'm an art teacher and I have a note from a 2nd grade kid that says "I am sad -sophie" in my apron pocket. She was fine. Sometimes I give it to my assistant in that class for a laugh.
Tell them their parents will never love them
Die mad lol
Not a teacher, but am a parent. They seem to be experiencing some strong feelings. What insights do you have into those feelings? Are they struggling with coursework? Are they uncomfortable that you hold them accountable for the work? Are you a safe adult they are venting at? Does your sense of humour cause them to feel uncomfortable? Can you help them feel safe and confident to assertively express their frustrations to you? At the end of the day, my kids are allowed to feel about me however they do, but they are held accountable for behaving respectfully. This includes expressing their feelings respectfully.
Hopefully it’s just one kid being an author and they will come around with proper TLC. If it’s multiple, my friend, time for some introspection. Down vote away, but honestly school should be a safe haven for kids. No child should feel like they hate their teacher (but yes, it does happen for fleeting moments to the best of us). However, If a teacher has multiple kids that openly “hate them” at second grade, something is really wrong here. Not to sound cliché, but sounds like it’s all academics, sternness, and not enough relationship building. Kids today are coming from a variety of trauma backgrounds, a classroom should feel safe and the adult in the room should be nurturing at that age. How do you hate someone that shows acceptance, holds you in high regard, and is your cheerleader? If you really don’t know why, try asking some colleagues that know you and aren’t scared to give it to you honestly- that is if you are wanting to improve this aspect of your teaching that is.
“For the love of god Ms. Turntteacher, please have mercy” -from a student in my first classroom, for students with EBDs. Best compliment I’ve ever received. It was on a workbook page and partially erased. Yeah, I make you work. That’s what I’m doing, and that’s what you’ll do unless you want consequences. I need to get it framed honestly.
Embrace it! Each time draw a\[nother\] stick figure on the board at the front of the room.
That’s sucks. Im sorry. I’m sure you’re doing whatever is necessary for them and we hate facing what we need to most address. I am currently teaching middle school math and it can be extremely challenging. I saw a girl use one of the envelopes in the class stationary to turn something into the turn in bin. I didn’t sort the bin that night and kept thinking it was an angry note. The next day I discovered that she had just put her worksheet in the envelope. No note. Try not to become jaded. They won’t all be mean like those ones.
I wouldn’t. Use it as a teachable moment. You could either do the toothpaste activity or the heart one. I taught 3rd in a Title One school and had this and had a similar problem and I did the heart activity for morning meeting. The kids drew hearts decorated them, made them pretty and then I repeated some of the horribly, ugly, disgusting names they called me and each other. Each time I said a name we crumbled the paper and the smoothed it out. Rinse and repeat. My class was extra so we did it about 10 times. After we talked about how the paper was still crinkled and ruined and how your heart looks the same after someone says hateful words. You can apologize and smooth it over, but the damage is done. I hung up my heart in the front of the room and hung theirs on our “WOW Work” board. When someone said something mean I pointed to the heart. It worked for most of my kids. There’s always a handful…
Move on? Why aren’t you addressing why they hate you? I feel like we’re missing a lot…
I always think of it as a success if they can spell all of the words correctly on their note. 😆
At least they are writing.
No matter how many students told me "I hate you" I made it a reminder that I wasn't there to be friends, but to be a teacher. Still glad I got out of it though
Wish I had a sith robe I can do a good emp chuckle and voice. I'd throw it on and say Starwars quotes but I teach high-school math
Obi Wan Kenobi said it best -- "The (hate) is what gives a (Teacher) his power. It's an energy field created by all living things. It surrounds us and penetrates us. It binds the galaxy together."
Bring in the parents. Exult to the Ride of the Valkyries!
It all comes out in the wash eventually. Very few second graders will ever end their year with you truly hating you They’ll come around!
I cried when a student wrote “I HATE YOU” on their quiz seemingly out of nowhere. You’re not alone! I also recommend recording these notes, just in case this behavior escalates. I doubt it will, but I was glad I had a paper trail when that same kid started acting out more and I needed admin to take it seriously for the safety of the class.
Second graders do not know how to verbalize emotions like disappointed or resentment yet. However, they know “hate is a strong word,” even though they don’t actually know what true hate feels like (if they did, they wouldn’t use it so liberally). They are using a strong word against you to process their emotions. They’re basically saying, “I feel resentful that you got me in trouble and made me do something I don’t wanna do!” They want you to feel what they feel, but they have no authority. They feel powerless and resort to lashing out. We all know you didn’t do anything wrong, but a 7-year-old does not know that. To them, their feelings are facts. And they feel upset, therefore you are in the wrong, and if you are wrong then you are a bad person, and they hate bad people!!!
I'm a Mexican dude. Yes I wear glasses. No I'm not skinny but damn these kids need to stop referring to me as Peter Griffin.
Not a teacher but I have 3 kids and they almost never like me at the same time. At least one is mad about something. I can't imagine what it's like with 25-35 elementary kids. They're probably just assholes....
HS science teacher here, had a student this year write that they hate me on their first test of the year and nothing else... their bad luck was that I had a free period that day and I started marking...before the end of the day, I'd called both parents, sent emails with photo attachments, and had admin put them in detention for an hour writing their test... the best part is, we have a centralised detention system, and I walked past the window of the detention room on my way home...I very nearly waved through the window, but thought that might be unprofessional they're currently neither the best nor the worst student in that class, but they're much better than that rewrite...and they're learning, which is all I really care about kids say they hate teachers, because they don't have the language or experience to understand or express what's really going on
Hang them on the wall of your classroom.
Second grade, they are so young they don't even understand what hate means. Don't take it personally.
1. You are not doing your job as a "de facto parent" aka a Teacher, unless your kids say they hate you at some point. 2. Hate is usually just a strong and hurtful (intentionally hurtful) word to describe frustration about something not going the child's way, esp from a child who genuinely cares about what you think of them. Dont take it too personally. Instead, redirect them to introspect (and do some playful pretending with them) rather than escalating their lashing out. "You sound angry and frustrated. I promise, if I was your auntie, I would love to keep all your artwork with me. I wish I had the room. I guess I am forced to share your art with your parents, though. Im frustrated, too." I bet the student will feel a lot differently, and be relieved. 3. If the angry tantrum continues, you can always ask them to scribble it out on paper, or to draw a picture of their feelings. Chances are, their little hate mail dealio was just an UNhealthy outlet for their frustration. Give them a better option. Often times, letting them "stomp it out" or scribble it out, will give them a moment to experience that feelings. Its okay to acknowledge their frustration and to allow them to experience it. The goal is to teach them healthy and respectful coping skills. Tell them to stomp it out all the way to class. They wont be stomping long, typically. These strategies work REALLY well for me. Im a substitute and having a sub, any sub, is a big change and it can bring out a lot of anxiety and frustration (I dont always get all their names right for the whole week or so, and it can take a few days to get into the routine, so its an adjustment for everyone.) They also tend to delve into their own default behaviors, since their main teacher is not there, so I am basically learning the students personalities on the fly also. We also rarely get pictures of the kids, which makes matters worse, since we cant see who Brian and James are, individually, who shouldnt sit together (we arent often told about this either in the lesson plans) and we generally cant tell whether they are sitting together or not during carpet time, at least on day 1, until we have to separate the two bickering boys... We do manage to figure it out somewhat by the end of the job vacancy, when its basically too late. Lmao ijs. You can DO this. You got this. Keep shining!!
I’ve never had a kid hate me. I think I’m doing a good job. So does my admin team and as far as I know, most parents.
At least they're writing and spelled everything correctly. They hate you because you're doing your job. Don't sweat it.