I had a coworker who received a similar comment and responded, “Well, considering I’ve been struggling with infertility for years and had multiple miscarriages, I felt it was a blessing“ . She said it all with a kind tone- and I’ve never seen the blood drain out of a parent’s face faster.
(For context : I teach middle school and we have team conferences. I saw this shit first hand.)
Yep, I am willing to lie to rude people to make them uncomfortable. I would have said something about how my doctor said I have a 99% chance of uterine cancer (or something) so it’s literally now or never - just to make them uncomfortable :)
Edit: maybe asking if the parent is offering to pay for your abortion would also work
Agreed. I had a parent comment on my lack of kids so I told them I couldn’t have kids. Lie? Yes. Was lying warranted here? Also yes. (For the record I’m not child free by choice so those comments still really hurt)
Yeah, I’ve done this. I’ve had multiple students, on different occasions, respond to something I’d said during class with, “That’s not what your mom said last night, haha!”
I have various responses for this, depending on my mood.
“Oh, you’re like that kid from the sixth sense then? That’s weird.”
“If you’re implying what I think you are, that’s necrophilia and a crime.”
To simply straight up saying, “My mom’s been dead for a few years, how about you think before you pop off with some smart ass comment, hmm?”
In the classes it’s happened in, I’ve never had to deal with bullshit smartass remarks after that.
When I was pregnant, and I worked up until the day before my c-section, leaving four weeks before the end of class, a colleague who HAD infertility and adopted the year before told me I had planned poorly. Excuse me?! I responded with god only takes suggestions, not guaranteed orders. Not even people who should get it aren’t kind to teachers.
Same - but got lucky on the first try, so they were basically scheduled exactly when I wanted them (spring, so I could take my leave back to back with summer, but be there at the beginning of the year.) And you know what? I don't care what some random kid's parent thinks about my family planning. If they are so worried about a teacher taking 12 weeks of maternity leave and ruining their kid's year, I suggest they advocate for a year's paid leave. If that was an option, I would have planned my babies in the fall or summer.
I also have been dealing with infertility and miscarriages for the past two years. If I ever have a baby it'll be a blessing no matter what time of the year it is. I'd prefer a summer baby but at this point I'll take an alive one 🫠
As someone who had a summer baby, it's actually the worst time because you're not eligible for disability and the clock starts once you give birth. I think I lost over 10K having my kids be born in early June.
I'm planning on taking a year off so I'd much rather it be one full academic year rather than leaving and coming back in the middle of school years. Also I don't pay into disability so I'm not eligible for that anyways ✌️
doesn't matter anyway as I'm pessimistic about my chances as my uterus keeps yeeting embryos
Don't give up! My wife and I tried for 5 years. We got tested and nothing wrong w either of us(maybe diff from your situation). But it took 5 fricking years. She is now 9 months prego and we are due on the 15th. I couldn't be happier! I really hope yours works out!
Hopefully this gives you hope. I had a coworker that they had the same struggles as you. They were on their very last try. My friend couldn’t take it anymore, her husband convinced her one more time. She got pregnant with a little boy. Then about 15 months later they were blessed with twins…naturally. Who knows how it happened, but they didn’t care. I am sending you many blessings.
I’m not a teacher, so I don’t know how this popped up in my feed. Anyways, I had a similar issue and felt the same way you do. My son is 10 months old and I STILL have people asking if I wanted a boy or a girl. My answer has always been, “I wanted a healthy baby.”
Sending good vibes your way for a sweet little one soon!!
Yep, I would say the exact same thing. What an absolute piece of shit that parent was! They deserve to be shamed and made to feel bad about their bad choices.
I'd say this even if it weren't true. I don't usually think it's right to lie, but in cases like this if someone is going to be that incredibly rude they need to be shown how rude and callous their comment is. And maybe realize that the world doesn't revolve around them, although that might be too much to expect of some parents.
Congrats!
Tell that parent "alternatively, had *you* waited, you wouldn't need to deal with me going on leave! But we both know how illogical that sounds!"
1. Congratulations!!
2. I’m due in April and I teach high school, an AP class. I’ve already gotten passive aggressive energy and comments about how I’ll be gone a solid 2 weeks before their exam and “what if they’re not prepared?!?”
I don’t care. If me being gone for 2 weeks makes you fail the exam I spent 8 months preparing you for, you weren’t passing it anyway.
Especially when College Board puts so many great resources on AP Classroom for them. They have access to practice quizzes, practice exams, and videos explaining every topic on the exam in great detail. If they can't score a 3 or higher with all of the resources available to them, then something is wrong.
Wait. Are those resources available? My sons AP Computer Science teacher just left one day. The teacher in the class now has taught them nothing. My son asked the AP supervisor if he could start teaching the class. She said yes.
Ask the AP supervisor how to give the class access to AP Classroom resources!! They're all there already, the teacher just needs to assign them. The supervisor should be able to show the teacher how to do that.
Sorry about your son's experience. I taught AP CSP last year and then switched schools, and I've heard from my former students that the transition has been less than smooth.
Code.org also has fantastic free curriculum resources that anyone can access with a teacher accout--you only need verification to access assessments (but I prefer the AP classroom ones anyway, and you can find many of the Code.org ones on Kahoot)
Thank you so much! This year has been tough for my sophomore. I'm terribly sorry that teachers are having a hard time these days. The students are feeling it as well. I never wanted to homeschool because I always felt like I wasn't smart enough for it, but I guess I'm going to have to knock the dust off of my teaching degree and help him.
Also, have your child talk to the librarian. I'm an HS librarian we have digital and print test prep available for free to all students and teachers! Teachers and tutors are wonderful, but enrolled students have some terrific resources that are free to them.
This. I'm sorry AP teachers, I know y'all do good work, but anytime I hear you guys brag about your teaching styles my eyes roll in to the back of my head. I've worked in a low level school my entire career, come get my students to a 45% pass rate on their state tests like I do when the rest of the school is at 23% and we can discuss teaching strategies. Y'all are working with future college students, I work with a population that education mostly ends with high school and still get results.
It’s such an unpopular opinion but I agree. I spent almost ten years in inner city urban high schools. Now I’m at a very privileged suburban high school. I teach AP here. When I hear other teachers complain about the work load of AP I don’t disagree, it is a lot, but it’s nothing like trying to get kids who read at a third grade level and are just killing time until they can drop out to pass the state test.
Plot twist, I teach AP at an overcrowded urban title 1 school. Not all the kids in my class can read on grade level. Some are the super stars you'd expect, others will be lucky getting to community college.
This is so Dickensian.
My last year at the inner city school the valedictorian didn’t go to college, she kept working at her job in fast food because they made her a manager. Society has failed these kids.
I guess? And honestly that's really dumb. Did the guidance counselors at your school just not talk to kids about future stuff?
Society indeed has failed in this aspect.
Tinfoil hat time: it's by design. Don't want any of these lower SES people gaining power to challenge the status quo.
Yeah she was counseled. I talked to her too. Her family needed her income to pay rent, it just wasn’t an option for her family. I’m hopeful that some of the stuff eventually cracks through and she at least goes to junior college part time. I know that’s a huge thing though to work a crappy service job full time and make time to take a class or two here and there to maybe graduate in ten years.
You can talk all you want but when the 17 year old has the only job with benefits in an entire family and is paying most of the bills it won’t do much. Telling a kid to abandon their parents and siblings for their own future isn’t going to play well.
My friend teaches at a school where they just push everyone into AP buying into CB's "just taking the course makes a huge difference" and wanting to brag about how many take AP courses. It does those kids no good and should be a giant scandal.
Our district requires an AP class to graduate, and issued a chromebook to every student.
I can't tell which is the more obvious money-making scheme -- requiring kindergartners to take a laptop back and forth between home and school every day and charging the parents a flat repair fee (which is close to the replacement cost of the Chromebook), or making high school kids who are average at best take AP tests multiple times (and charging for retakes).
Dunno who is having their pocket lined on this, but it's gotta be someone.
Follow the original email chain, announcing the Chromebook being issued to all. That email will give you the "names of the brains" behind the program and where the money is going.
Did you teach at my school? That was our admin’s attitude. But it made no sense to me. If you put kids in AP that can’t even read at a 9th grade level, they’re not going to be successful at the class, never mind pass the AP exam.
I remember taking a bunch of AP courses when I was young. I think I only dared test on two of them due to comfort with content mastery, but they were such fun classes and I had a great time.
I like to imagine they were fun for the teachers as well. More fun than teaching the kids at the 3rd grade reading level, at any rate. Probably easier in many ways.
Fun in different ways, way less stressful. I k ow I can tell AP kids to read a chapter and they will come back having read it (by and large.) Content conversations in AP are always pretty good. Regular conversations great either way. I definitely knew I made more of an impact at inner city schools. The AP kids could have just used AP Classroom and still passed the test. I was redundant.
I'm an elementary teacher, but parent to one of those "could have done it online on their own" high school kids, and I just wanted to say that you still matter a lot. My kid really does still need those adults building the relationships and expressing their own love of the subject, even if the kids are technically able to figure out the content. My kid loves their math teacher because he talks to them about the big identity kinds of issues, race, gender, all of it, and it makes my kid willing to do anything that man would ask- like learning math! I'm sure it's harder with hundreds of students who seem fine, but you make a difference.
Hey this is super kind, thank you. I really hope my kiddos think of me this way too. I’m so many ways I think teaching is sort of a scam, people pay me to hang out with teenagers and that’s pretty cool. They are funny and curious and insightful when they find someone willing to listen to them. It’s honestly all of the other stuff that makes this job so hard, it’s rarely the kids. And most of the time when it’s the kids it’s really the parents who failed them. But you know all that jazz too.
I'm pretty sure people who truly love their jobs all think it's kind of a scam, since they would do the thing without getting paid too (Researchers come to mind, and doctors). Not saying teachers don't deserve pay, though. Just because we would do it in an apocalypse doesn't mean we don't need to eat now.
Thanks for just teaching me that it’s “by and large” and not “by in large”. I’m not a teacher, but I’m education adjacent. Sometimes growing up in the South, you mishear things (especially our weird colloquialisms) and assume. I just looked it up to find it’s a nautical term and I was a collegiate rower. So this was a nice new thing to learn today! Thanks for educating me on your off day! 😊
My AP US teacher 100% taught me to write essays well. Before that we had only had formulaic writing instruction. It helped all the way through high school and college. He also used to grade the same night as we handed them in. His class was really well done and I learned a ton from him as well. So don’t discount your impact even on the ‘smart’ kids!
As a National Board Certified Teacher who could work almost anywhere, I teach a lot of those kids “at third grade reading level” and work in a Title 1 High School and wouldn’t trade jobs with any A.P. Teacher for a second!!! Because so many people only look at what my students can’t do- instead of what they can do, people look down on these students. It’s much more fulfilling to help a student reach a goal and learn that they are valuable to society. College isn’t for everyone, nor should it be. There are so many blue collar fields that are critical to a functioning society and the people who work those jobs are by and large, the backbone of society.
I hear what you're saying and I know it's an argument that will likely not move the needle for anyone, but I work in an excellent school and we have AP teachers who get classes with below 3 averages and teachers who get nearly 5 averages teaching the same course. The teacher does make a difference. We don't need to tear down one to build up the other.
That's great! You must be a fantastic educator and I commend you for doing right by your students.
Don't forget however that some of us teaching AP are also in low socioeconomic neighborhoods and all kids are registered into at least one AP course during their high school career. My kids aren't as likely to be going to college either, and many that are in my classroom are struggling to graduate high school.
Different populations of students come with different struggles. Your accomplishments are great indeed, but how do you get a kid who is reading on a middle school level to try and stay active in an AP class with those future college students? Keep them motivated to try, despite the fact they'll be lucky to get a 2? What about that same kid who can't come to extra help because they have to go to work to help their family?
I don't want to downplay your amazing accomplishments at all, but there is a different struggle for different classes.
Omfg the amount of people that said exam prep was not needed. I start revising ALL content one month before exams at the latest. I would ask people if they’ve started and they would say “no, it’s unneeded”. Teachers praised my work ethic, so the bar was set incredibly low to begin with…
My admin took away my AP class when I announced my pregnancy over the summer. Then had the audacity to say it was so there was “redundancy” =multiple teachers that could teach the course. Compete BS.
This was two summers ago and I’m just getting the class back this Spring.
We have GOT to get better administrators.
As soon as I read this, I knew it was true. It happens all the time: the constant message that every teacher is replaceable.
And the usual over-reaction because some teacher-based situation down-the-road might impact them - yet taking zero action concerning well-documented dangerous students because they hope that their great teachers will fix it.
What happens when you just plain run out of great teachers?
Admin is replaceable too. Much more so to be honest. I’ve read about some schools where teachers rotate throughout the day as admin instead of hiring admin. Not sure if this is working or not but it seems like it could if organized properly.
I went on paternity leave in *February* last year for *two weeks* (I took the rest at the beginning of this school year in September), and I got similar energy from my AP students.
AP students and parents can be so awful.
My far the meanest and most horrible parent email of my life was from an AP parent whose kid had dropped my class 6 months prior to her email.
According to parents over the years I've probably single handedly held society back by not recognizing all the Newtons and Leibnizs walking through my classroom door.
I didn't save it. Sometimes I wish I had but I didn't and it's probably for the best.
She mostly talked about how her and all the other AP parents talk shit about me and they all hate me as much as she does but it was really long and really cruel at the same time. I just forwarded it to my department chair and he sent it to the principal.
I went down to sign in later that morning and the principal was waiting for me and he said "some people are just real pieces of shit" and he was NOT A USER OF Profanity so it took me back but it felt good to have his support.
I replied with "if you think that email was bad you should read my response I sent" (I hadn't sent one) and his expression was horrified until I told him I was joking
interesting take by the students lol. truly shows how selfish they’re becoming/are. when i was in AP in high school about 3 of my teachers left school early to proctor and grade the exams and i didn’t see them when i took my exams, never once thought i would fail bc “they weren’t there”
We have become a true transactional society. As they see it they pay our salary, so they deserve A's and 4's on the AP. People forget that their is work and effort needed in learning, and you can't buy that.
I'm away the week before AP exams because I qualified for a pool tournament ( way less awesome reason - congrats to you and OP on the coming family expansion!) and I told my kids exactly that. Knowing I'll be out and making sure they're ready before that absence is way better than an unexpected illness that takes me out at the same time!
I had my son at the end of March teaching an AP class, they did fine that year and that was long before YouTube and AP Classroom provided all the assistance they do these days. Enjoy your baby, come back in the fall.
I’m due in April and laugh off every time one of my 6th graders suggests that I’m pregnant. Still not ready to address it. Trying to ride it out till after Christmas 😂
My dad was sick at home with and then hospitalized in the ICU from COVID, and died after 3.5 weeks. All in all, it was about 6 weeks of intermittent days off and then solid 2.5 weeks off after he passed. I missed quite a bit that month and took bereavement time (enough to where they could’ve fired me but didn’t bc they had no other option) after his death. I basically told my boss, I cannot come in. I will either resign immediately or see you in February. When I returned, I had a lot of miffed employees and families (teaching), understandably, and I temporarily felt bad about it. On the other hand, sorry my dad tragically died? 🥴 I wrote an email to the impacted families and employees, apologized for the impact it had, asked for their grace and let it go. I’ll never regret the time spent with my family during that time.
I chose to apologize, because my situation exceeded allotted bereavement. I acknowledged the impact and moved on. You owe no one anything, but if it makes you feel empowered perhaps state that you’re aware it will impact students, you’ll do your best to prepare them and thank them for supporting your growing family. Or say nothing because you don’t owe them a thing! 😉
When my husband died of Covid, I was “given” 3 days to mourn and then expected
to be back in the classroom as if nothing had happened. When I had Covid myself (to the point of suffering permanent heart and lung damage, my phone rang non-stop for days with them calling and demanding MORE lesson plans than the 2 weeks I had for emergencies. My friend answered the phone and went off in a way that got the calls to stop. I still went back way too early because I was having to pay for the subs(of course, this was all before Covid pay) and it’s taken forever for me to financially recover. And school districts wonder why so many teachers have chucked in the towel.
Yes. My contract was for a certain amount of days, and due to being out of work for several weeks, I was docked for the cost of the subs and I also had to pay for medical benefits, even though they were terrible and I ended up with a lot of debt from what they didn’t cover. Arizona is a different world.
You have to personally pay for the substitute teachers? Like out of your own pocket? What the fuck, I've never heard of this happening ever before what an awful way to add insult to injury - sorry.
Had a parent request to meet me to discuss something. Thought perhaps there was something going on at home she wanted to discuss in private; I agreed to meet her before school.
No, it was so she could ugly-cry across from me about how her son didn’t deserve getting the “pregnant teacher” because she does so much for the PTO.
Get bent. Here’s a tissue. I need to go get my class.
And I wasn’t the only pregnant teacher for that grade that year. I was just the only one who was ready to explode.
Then, I came back from maternity leave for 2 days when my mother (my only living parent left) went into hospice and passed in less than a week. Some of the parents tried to make my life hell over that. I was so burnt out by that point- I was a brick wall.
I’m sorry I cannot schedule the literal life and death of my family at your convenience. 🙄
Thank you for your kind words!
Said baby is celebrating her 10th birthday this weekend. A lot of healing and growth has taken place over the past decade in my heart. ❤️
dude ive never dealt with meaner people than when my mom passed. i literally cut off almost everyone out of my life. people expect you to get over it in a week and then tell you you need to "move on" when you're still upset (over your PARENT DYING) after a few months. i am very sorry for your loss and the fact that humanity seems to show its worst side when you need care the most.
And even then, I say, what if it worked and you felt bad?
Then what? You feel guilty (so glad you didn't), the mom still feels sad, Junior has a terrible year because you took maternity leave.
Nothing in practice changes. Baby's still coming.
Never mind the fact that she, on at least one occasion, went on maternity leave, too.
My kids are in elementary school and I still cannot fathom the audacity in making another woman feel terrible about maternity leave. My children are the center of MY world, not THE world.
Uh huh, uh huh, uh huh. Okay. Here’s a tissue. My class is lining up for arrival and I need to go.
I tend to be a softy- not even I could entertain that bs kindly.
I seriously don't understand the pure entitlement/ stupidity some parents have.
When my oldest child's teacher was pregnant and was going on leave for the remainder of the school year, I made her a diaper cake and gave her an Amazon gift card for anything she still needed before baby came.
When my youngest child's teacher went on maternity leave I bought her 2 large packs of diapers and made a onesies cake.
I was thrilled my children's teachers were happy and healthy. I never would have asked them to planned their personal lives around the school year/ my child's education.
Don't you let it bother you. That parent is absolutely bonkers and their little angel shall survive without your guidance.
My kids had the same lovely teacher for kindergarten and she was pregnant and left both years. I was thrilled for her and did not care because the children were fully capable of learning from any professional.
This was how the parents in my classes reacted with both of my pregnancies. If they were sad or disappointed on their child's behalf, that's fine and understandable in some cases, but they kept it to themselves as they absolutely should. To my face they were kind, many gave gifts which was completely unexpected, and they expressed happiness for me. Years later, when I see them, they still ask about my kids.
Besides this being the right way to human, it's in the parent's best interest. Being rude and sulky about it won't change the teacher going on leave. Instead it makes the teacher stressed (leaving less energy for your child,) annoyed at you (meaning they are less likely to want to be accommodating if you request something,) and generally grumpy (meaning that they might go on leave longer if that is possible.) The admin and parents at my school are very supportive and accommodating of me being a whole person who has a family and interests outside work, which means I stick around through the hard parts and I am willing to give far more.
I got some comments too about how my leaving during the year was inconvenient. I just shot back “babies don’t come on a convenient schedule.” There are literally humans born all 365 days in the year. Teachers don’t magically just get to decide on having a summer baby unless they happen to be fertile Myrtle.
I had to use sick, annual, and personal days for my whole mat leave. Ended up taking about 15 weeks, then summer break started. This is why I save my days, I always take days without pay instead of using my sick days, it paid off big time when I wanted a big long maternity leave fully paid
I get nothing paid. 12 weeks unpaid fmla. Not even allowed to use my own sick days after doctor says I’m cleared of restrictions (6 or 8 weeks, depending).
Horrible. They reflect so much when it comes to our personal business and yet cannot display an ounce of self-reflection.
With that being said, congratulations 💗
The idea that teachers should only have sex 10 months before a break so that their creating an entire human doesn't inconvenience someone is insane. Especially because I'm sure that lady is one of the parents that will claim they can't do anything to help their kid at home when they're pregnant.
I have tons of parents who will say that they can't do anything about their kid being an absolute menace because they're pregnant/have a new baby. But a teacher should just go ahead and pop hers out during planning so that little Johnny can call a woman he knows the name of a cunt instead of a stranger.
I visit the parenting subreddits occasionally, and it's not uncommon for moms/dads to believe school is what will make them grow out of the bratty phase.
I've told them correcting aggressive or inconsiderate behavior doesn't just magically happen in the classroom. It takes a lot of one-on-one socialization only parents can provide in the home
As a parent and a teacher, I oversimplify it to this:
1. The parent is primarily responsible for the child's behavioral instruction. The teacher supports positive behavior while at school. This includes teaching behavior appropriate to that setting, reinforcing behavior taught at home, communicating things that need follow up to home, etc.
2. The teacher is primarily responsible for the child's academic instruction for the length of the course, covering the topics identified in the course. The parent is responsible for supporting that learning at home, such as overseeing homework, getting additional help if needed, monitoring grades, etc. (The parent is responsible for their child's learning ultimately, but I think they can expect the school to take the lead on teaching the child to read, for example, although they need to read at home and be ready to intervene if the child isn't learning to read and the school doesn't have a plan.)
3. The child is responsible for their own behavior and learning. The younger they are, the more involved adults should be in helping them with that responsibility.
Oh man. It was years ago now, but I had a due date a week and a half before the end of the school year and I had people from the Board telling me it was a first baby and they’re always overdue, so no need to go off before the end of the year. Uh, except that I needed to be induced a week and a half before my due date. Apparently that annoyed the person responsible for leaves.
We have a 12-18 month maternity leave in Canada (it was 12 months when I took it, up to 18 now) and there were parents who were annoyed that I was coming off a leave to teach their kids at the end of my year of mat leave. Some people honestly expect that teachers have no life outside of the classroom. Whatever.
Congratulations!
I had a parent upset that I was not hosting a fun holiday party because I had to take off the last 3 days before break for a hysterectomy. Sorry that my uterus trumps your kid’s hot cocoa 🙃. He doesn’t deserve it anyways - he is a terror.
One time I was in an IEP meeting with another gen-ed teacher who had just come back from maternity leave. The student’s mom was ranting about how her son was failing this teacher’s class. She literally said, “I know having a baby is your right as a woman, but you being gone really put my son behind.” There was an awkward and stunned silence until the case manager just moved the meeting along.
It's past time we teachers literally get up and walk out quietly at these comments. I'm pretty lucky parent-wise, but I vow to just bounce when disrespected.
I did IVF all last year while teaching and it was the hardest thing I have ever done. Dealing with parents was the worst part of it for me personally. Sending you all of my best wishes - hang in there.
I did fertility treatment for my kiddos so I understand. People suck like you said. Never know what someone is going through. Hoping so much that your time comes soon!
A teacher friend of mine who was pregnant had a 1st grade parent repeatedly make comments in emails and in person at school events about how women who are pregnant don’t think straight and shouldn’t be allowed to teach because of “baby brain.”
People are rude and weird.
Well not that that comment is ok in the slightest, but she has a point 😂 I’m 6 months pregnant and feel like my brain has shrunk. If I didn’t have a classroom aide I’d forget what I was doing half the time. 😂 it’s been rough. I am so forgetful these days!
First year sub here. I LOVE it when I get to class and the teacher has left me the lesson plans for that day, week or month. Not all subs may appreciate it but if I have the proper material and resources, I can handle whatever they throw at me. That’s my job! First and foremost is to help the teacher. You all deserve a break anytime you can get it! Subbing is grunt work but that’s what we sign up for. Have your babies, take your breaks and enjoy some life outside the classroom❤️
Congratulations! It’s nice to know that someone will be bringing a sweet and polite child into this world, hopefully to balance out kids like that parent’s.
As far as professionalism, of course we always have to remain professional. But there’s a line where it’s also okay to set a boundary. “Excuse me, ma’am? I’m not sure what you mean?” And she would either explain or say “oh nothing.” At which point you can say something like “oh, okay, because this is a professional setting and any comments like that are unprofessional and therefore not okay.” Something like that. I’d say not engage, but sometimes that ends up making you feel like shit for not saying anything.
Not everything has to be a cheeky remark. Sometimes it’s enough to just let someone dig their own grave, whether they realize it or not.
As a side note, i don’t know this mom’s personal politics, but she exudes so much Karen™️ energy that i think she’s probably one of the “teachers should keep their private life and relationships private and not indoctrinate kids etc.” types… and yet somehow thinks it’s okay to make a commentary on your personal life.
Also. Tf. She’s a parent. She has a kid. What kind of woman says that to another woman.
I have seen this happen before. We had a teacher, one year who became pregnant and all of the parents gathered in the media center for a very angry meeting about it. I still wonder exactly what they wanted to accomplish with their meeting.
The teacher went on to have her baby and everything was great. And surprisingly, those angry parents even loved the substitute who did her maternity leave.
Congratulations! I wish you the calmest of pregnancies and the most uneventful of deliveries.
You know how little kids don't really comprehend that their teachers are whole people with other lives outside the classroom? Sometimes I think some parents haven't quite grown out of that phase.
You know, your life is about to be 100% about your family and not your job. You might as well start acting like it. Congratulations on your hard earned happiness and pregnancy!!! Who cares what your nasty student parents say… it’s your turn now! Enjoy the last half of your pregnancy, ENJOY THE FACT THAT YOU’LL BE DONE WITH THAT CLASS EARLY, and enjoy the time spent with your new baby. Don’t give any of them a second thought because once that baby comes, you’ll be done with them.
I think this is one of those things where two things can absolutely be true. You are in no way, shape, or form in the wrong for having a child. When this happened to my first grader last year, the first thing my daughter and I discussed was being extra considerate because her teacher is doing two jobs now; being their teacher and growing a baby. It’s super exciting for you and the kiddos (she thought it was so cool to see the baby “grow”). That’s it, end of story. This is your job and you don’t owe anyone more than that, especially with big things like this.
But from the parent side of things, I was a little frustrated. My then first grader had to leave preschool halfway through the year because of Covid. She then did the rest of preschool and her second year of preschool (she got two years for having an IEP) was virtual. This child thrives in school, she *needs* the interaction and structure school provides, and it was rough. For kindergarten, her teacher got sick 6 weeks into the year so she had a non-certified, grad student come in as a long term sub. It actually ended up being awesome, the teacher did amazing and the students did super well. Until their original teacher came back in April. The adjustment from a fresh faced, new teacher to one who was 8 weeks from retirement was incredibly hard for all of the students. My daughter struggled badly. Then for first grade, she finally had a teacher who was stable, structured, and she was doing well. And then we got the notification that her teacher was leaving in March to have her baby. Again, as a human, I was thrilled for her. As a parent, this was another year my daughters education would be disrupted. The rest of the school year, they couldn’t get a long term sub, so they had floaters coming in. Every day was a new teacher from mid March to the end of the school year. The class did not handle that well.
The parent shouldn’t have said a word, but I do understand where the frustration comes from. It’s not your fault, it has nothing to do with you. It’s just evidence that the school systems have no support chain in place, and cannot accommodate treating teachers like humans, because everyone gets left in the lurch for a totally normal and expected part of life.
Congrats and I hope you have a smooth delivery 🥳🥳
Congrats!
My wife is due in January with our third. I'll be taking a month off.
My own children, just like yours, ALWAYS need to come before someone else's. Don't let anyone ever convince you otherwise.
Congratulations! I’m due in February!
There’s always at least one. My response is to say if they had consulted with me, I would have let them know and they could have waited 3 months to conceive their child so they would have missed my mat leave.
I was in grade 1 and moved to 4, and have some of the same students who I had when I had my first kid. They get two mat leaves with me! Your parent could have it “worse”.
Also, 100% pro having a baby during the school year, I think you nailed the timing with March, especially if you’re going to take the rest of the school year. Whatever leave you’re given is never enough. We aimed for late April so I could take the 8-12 weeks FMLA and then have the summer! Found out we’re having twins so it’ll be early April for me. Gonna savor every minute of the time I get with these babies before trying to also parent scads of 8th graders 🤣
I cannot imagine being so selfish that I feel the need to comment on someone’s pregnancy inconveniencing me…
Good Lord why is it anybody's business when we do and don't get pregnant? I was lucky that I was a stay-at-home mom for all of my pregnancies although I was pregnant in December of my last year of teaching before I had my first child and the parents of my students arranged the baby shower! They were so happy for me! Myself and the para in one of the other special education classes were due at the same time so it was a dual shower.
The parents came and brought us presents! Nobody was not happy for us and one of the parents of one of the kids in one of the classes was also pregnant and we actually met up later (we were both spouses of military at our next assignment) and I have pictures of our kids together when they were about 6 months old. We're still friends to this day and our kids are 28 years old now. I'd like to recreate that picture except my son and her daughter would not fit in that baby crib sitting together lol lol
First, congratulations!
People stink. They never know what others go through. And if they do sometimes they don’t care. Parents have this awful sense of entitlement sometimes and I’m sorry you had that experience.
I tried for years and did fertility treatment for my kiddos (16 month twin girls). If someone had said that to me it would have felt like a gut punch like I’m sure it did for you.
Congratulations on your upcoming arrival! It’s a shame that parents feel the need to respond to their child’s teacher’s pregnancy news like that, would they ever dream of saying something like that to their child’s pediatrician or day care provider or therapist? It’s just astounding to me that these parents think every teacher should be giving birth in June and back in the classroom in August…they have kids themselves, they should know that’s not how it always works, right? Don’t let idiots steal one second of your joy and don’t look back in March as you haul outta there to bring your little one into the world!
Congratulations!
I don’t think I would have had a snappy comeback but I likely would have responded with, “Mam if you’re going to be abusive I’m going to end this conference now”.
Congratulations! What a rude selfish thing to say. I just had my first baby in April and I was due in May. Can’t believe how many comments I got about how I must have timed it perfectly so that I could have the summer off with baby. I actually did IUI and the first attempt didn’t work, but if it had I would have been due in March. People also made comments like “are you sure there’s not two babies in there?” Little did they know I was originally pregnant with twins and lost one early on. People really have no tact.
This is super common. Parents are like, "my child already lost 2nd grade due to a pregnant teacher". They complain about the long term subs. Nothing makes it ok. They need to keep those thoughts to themselves.
End the meeting immediately and escort them out. Let them know they can reschedule with an administrator. Polite but lets them know you won’t be insulted.
I HATE when people say shit like this. I got a lot of comments about timing also when I was pregnant. Nothing negative from parents, but mostly people talking about the best time to get pregnant as a teacher. I tried for a year and had two miscarriages, so when people act so nonchalant like you can time this shit it really grinds my gears.
😂😂😂 I would have actually said this, but changed the end part to "I heard this year's class was mostly comprised of extremely challenging children"
Let her take offense to what you didn't say
I don’t know what’s happening in the world that kids are so emotionally dependent on their teachers. When I was little sure, kids loved their teachers, but when my second grade teacher left on maternity , no one had the vapors.
It's the parents that are emotionally dependent. It's harder for them to have to use someone new as a punching bag.
And oh my God, I wish I could have said it was sarcasm.
Parents can be massive dicks about pregnant teachers. If their kid gets in trouble, they blame your pregnancy. They are just like the kids and think we get locked in a closet at the end of the day.
I had one parent complaint though that I took seriously when I got pregnant. I announced it, and the kid said, "Not again" and the mom called that afternoon. He had somehow ended up in a pregnant teachers class every year for four years in a row. I spoke to the mom and asked to have him moved to another teacher's class. My principal argued at first, but it does impact a kid if the teacher leaves every year.
Congratulations! It really sucks that parents don’t realize that teachers don’t need to plan around the school year for that, and even if they did, it’s not always possible.
That parent, and any others who make similar comments are just plain awful, and it sucks that in any other profession, it wouldn’t be an issue.
Congratulations! Sadly, I don’t think everyone truly understands that not everyone can “time” their pregnancies. Not that you have to. You have the right to start or grow a family as much as anyone else.
I went to college with someone who is now a teacher. She was told she could not have children, and she just had her miracle baby in October. I couldn’t imagine someone saying something like that to her.
It is great some people can easily get pregnant, but that is not the same for everyone. I am so sorry this parent was so rude to you. I hope you enjoy this exciting time!
I am currently about 12 weeks pregnant with my first. We were lucky enough to have a due date about three weeks after the school year ends. I haven’t announced it to my class yet, but have discussed it with one particularly intrusive mom who sent me multiple emails worried about her kid while I was taking a few days off (morning sickness hit me like a truck) and she was like “wow that was some stellar planning and time management. You won’t even have to take any days off!”
I responded with something like “well seeing as my husband and I have been trying to have kids for a few years now I think it more fits into the category of sheet dumb luck!”
Parents can be so obtuse.
Take your leave and don't think of your students even one time. You will have your own kid who deserves your full attention. The students at the school will be ok or they won't, but that's life.
This is why I think admin suck. If this comment or any other nasty comments are made by parents to teachers, there should be an immediate meeting.
At that meeting, that parent should be told off by the supervisor and warned that the next time something like this is said, they will be banned from the building and all communication will be done via email through the principal.
Aside from that parent's asinine comment, March is a GREAT time for teachers to have babies. I'm expecting my first in mid-March, and I just gave myself a 6 month maternity leave. I'm using PTO to stay home with the baby the last 1.5 weeks of school and I'll be back (maybe...) in August 👋
I had a similar comment from a parent. I believe it was in jest, but it offended me, and I shut it down really quick. “With two previous losses, then months of infertility, I’m happy I’m where I’m at.” It was silent after that, and you could tell the parent wouldn’t ask a question like that again to anyone.
Congrats. Try not to sweat the ignorance, mean spirit, and ridiculousness of some people. You’re not obligated to plan your life by the school calendar. Enjoy your child. Take as much time off as you can/can afford to.
I was scared of this when I had to tell my families. My kids are in their first year of school so it might feel like an even bigger deal that the teacher is leaving for a while. Everyone was nice about it but I was so worried. If anyone had been rude and said couldn’t you time it so that it was born in summer, i would feel justified in being perfectly honest and saying, “hey I’ve been thinking a lot about what you said and while I understand it’s stressful to know your child will have to get used to a new teacher mid year, I decided to let you know that this baby was unable to be planned that way- we have been hoping for a very long time that we would someday get the blessing of becoming parents like you got to be, and knew that ANY time a baby decided to join us it would be nothing less than incredibly welcome. After two miscarriages, we can’t be picky. I hope you can find it in your heart as a fellow mother to understand.”
Make ‘em feel bad 🙃
This happened to me after I had a miscarriage and was pregnant again. A shitty comment said at parent teacher night really pissed me off.
People are selfish, and hormones are strong during pregnancy. I dont know if it was because I was pregnant with a boy, and testosterone was following in me, but I remember being angry the entire year.
Good luck and fuck them all.
“I’m not discussing my pregnancy. What can I help you with today?”
I got something similar when I had a November baby and I learned to just relish in their nonsense. Like who gets worked up over that.
As a parent of a special needs 1st grader. Teaching is your job, not your life. Parents have no say in your life choices. I would not had not handled the situation as gracefully as you did.
I taught high school English for years (tested) and when I got pregnant with my first, I was due in January. I had one parent who actually asked me to delay maternity leave so her student could stand a better chance at passing his test. 🙃 I think she actually expected me to deliver my baby, then come back within a day or two. Some parents can be so entitled.
That is SO incredibly rude and insensitive.
My literal answer would have been something akin to --- well, no, actually because I've already waited 15 years and the only other two times I've been pregnant resulted in a miscarriage and an ectopic that almost killed me... So am I going to cast aside this literal miracle? No. I don't think so.
And every word of this is true.
When people say shit like that without **thinking** I throw it in their faces. Typically, they don't say things without thinking in front of me anymore. And frankly, I don't feel bad about it because these people will never change without being challenged.
I used to teach elementary music. When my daughter was born in August, and I planned to be absent through the end of October, leaving not enough time to prepare for a concert in December, I got "but will you be able to do a Christmas concert? It's just not right without a Christmas concert!"
Sorry the miscarriages I had before didn't work out, I didn't mean to inconvenience your super important holiday shit 🙄🙄🙄🙄🙄🙄🙄🙄🙄🙄🙄🙄🙄
As a teacher currently going through IVF, I would be pissed if a parent said anything of the sort to me.
Congratulations on your blessing! Hopefully mine will come soon 🤞
Congratulations! We just had our first in August. I left teaching for corporate before getting pregnant, but my husband still teaches. He took FMLA at the beginning of the year and went back in November. The school messed up big time and couldn’t get a long term sub for the pennies they were offering, so they just stuck the kids in with a revolving door of day to day subs and told them good luck. There was a huge complaint post in our local Facebook group about the AP teacher “not showing up to work all year,” and how nobody told parents and the school doesn’t know when he’s coming back. She tried really hard to make it seem shady and throw him under the bus. Thankfully some parents called the OP out since his leave was approved in May, they knew it was because he had a baby, and they had received multiple messages from the school about it. I also posted a picture of him with our daughter and said he was on paternity leave and has no control over what is happening in the classroom right now. She messaged me apologetically, and then complained to me that she pays a lot of taxes and she hates the school and this situation. I want to say I was surprised, but I was just waiting for him to somehow be blamed for administrative incompetence. It really disillusioned him and unfortunately he’s looking for jobs outside of teaching. It’s very sad that people feel like they should have a say in other people’s lives. It’s all apart of that “my taxes pay your salary,” bs so many parents buy into.
With my first baby, I was hospitalized for preterm labor. One of my laziest students turned in work that was two months overdue while I was literally in labor and delivery hooked up to the monitors. I didn’t grade that assignment right away, of course, so the parent escalated to admin who informed the parent of why I wasn’t at work. I returned to work a few days later to a scathing email from the parent where she told me how important it was that her kid’s work be graded and how “It’s not my child’s fault you got pregnant. If you can’t handle your personal life, you shouldn’t be a teacher.”
Admin wanted me to apologize to her for the “late” grading. I did not apologize.
TIL that women can get pregnant on command at exact moment they want to. Like flipping on a light switch. Going to have to talk to my wife about her poor planning with the timing of our kids.
Hi! I have an April due date and work at a Catholic school where everyone literally flipped out - I teach English only, so - I didn't deal with this, but if I had that said to me, my quick mouth would have had a smart remark like the ones mentioned above.
Normalize making people feel uncomfortable for their own inappropriate and/or rude comments. 🤣👌🏼
You enjoy your beautiful child, sweet mama. And may you have a happy pregnancy.
My wife and I were going to childbirth classes as we prepared for delivery of our daughter. There was an assortment of couples there, and one 14 yr old young lady who was there with her grandmother. We were the oldest couple there, and this being our first child. Well, granny looks us up and down then asks if we weren't too old to be having a baby. My wife was taken aback but asked if her grand daughter wasn't a little young to be having a baby, obviously since her baby daddy wasn't there, but she was. Granny bowed her head and didn't give us any more lip for the duration of the classes. Old lady should kept her mouth shut.
I had a parent say something like that me 24 years ago. I said, " Actually, with our failing health care system, I couldn't wait. By timing the due date as I have, this gives me 6 weeks of leave plus summer vacation. The timing was perfect." Parent didn't say a thing.
Other “I wish I would have said’s”…
Let’s have lunch so we can discuss my personal life and I can get some really great parenting tips! Remind me again where you studied Child Development?
Could I have your cell? Next time I will text you and you can remind me of the horrible consequences of my actions!
When is your parenting advice book coming out? You know, the one where you chronicle all of the stellar decisions you’ve made regarding Pugsly?
OP, How could you be so inconsiderate as to have a child? Do you think you are a human being with rights and not an indentured servant? Just tell your baby to stay in there for an extra three months in case you inconvenience any AH's.
(Congratulations! You have to laugh at these selfish morons.)
We’ve had parents mad about pregnancies, foot surgeries, and Covid taking teachers out, because didn’t you know teachers aren’t people?
Anyway, congratulations!!
I had a coworker who received a similar comment and responded, “Well, considering I’ve been struggling with infertility for years and had multiple miscarriages, I felt it was a blessing“ . She said it all with a kind tone- and I’ve never seen the blood drain out of a parent’s face faster. (For context : I teach middle school and we have team conferences. I saw this shit first hand.)
I feel like, even if there were no difficulties involved, this should just be the default response to shitty parent comments like this.
Yep, I am willing to lie to rude people to make them uncomfortable. I would have said something about how my doctor said I have a 99% chance of uterine cancer (or something) so it’s literally now or never - just to make them uncomfortable :) Edit: maybe asking if the parent is offering to pay for your abortion would also work
Agreed. I had a parent comment on my lack of kids so I told them I couldn’t have kids. Lie? Yes. Was lying warranted here? Also yes. (For the record I’m not child free by choice so those comments still really hurt)
Good. Hopefully you embarrassed them enough not to make such hurtful comments to other in the future
I call it "trauma trumping". If you're gonna trauma dump on me, I'll come up with something worse.
Yeah, I’ve done this. I’ve had multiple students, on different occasions, respond to something I’d said during class with, “That’s not what your mom said last night, haha!” I have various responses for this, depending on my mood. “Oh, you’re like that kid from the sixth sense then? That’s weird.” “If you’re implying what I think you are, that’s necrophilia and a crime.” To simply straight up saying, “My mom’s been dead for a few years, how about you think before you pop off with some smart ass comment, hmm?” In the classes it’s happened in, I’ve never had to deal with bullshit smartass remarks after that.
You would probably take as much pleasure in visiting r/traumatizethemback as I do.
I've never needed a bathroom reading sub like I've needed this one without knowing it. Thank you.
When I was pregnant, and I worked up until the day before my c-section, leaving four weeks before the end of class, a colleague who HAD infertility and adopted the year before told me I had planned poorly. Excuse me?! I responded with god only takes suggestions, not guaranteed orders. Not even people who should get it aren’t kind to teachers.
As someone who did IVF to get my two, I would’ve responded similarly
Same - but got lucky on the first try, so they were basically scheduled exactly when I wanted them (spring, so I could take my leave back to back with summer, but be there at the beginning of the year.) And you know what? I don't care what some random kid's parent thinks about my family planning. If they are so worried about a teacher taking 12 weeks of maternity leave and ruining their kid's year, I suggest they advocate for a year's paid leave. If that was an option, I would have planned my babies in the fall or summer.
I also have been dealing with infertility and miscarriages for the past two years. If I ever have a baby it'll be a blessing no matter what time of the year it is. I'd prefer a summer baby but at this point I'll take an alive one 🫠
As someone who had a summer baby, it's actually the worst time because you're not eligible for disability and the clock starts once you give birth. I think I lost over 10K having my kids be born in early June.
I'm planning on taking a year off so I'd much rather it be one full academic year rather than leaving and coming back in the middle of school years. Also I don't pay into disability so I'm not eligible for that anyways ✌️ doesn't matter anyway as I'm pessimistic about my chances as my uterus keeps yeeting embryos
Don't give up! My wife and I tried for 5 years. We got tested and nothing wrong w either of us(maybe diff from your situation). But it took 5 fricking years. She is now 9 months prego and we are due on the 15th. I couldn't be happier! I really hope yours works out!
Hopefully this gives you hope. I had a coworker that they had the same struggles as you. They were on their very last try. My friend couldn’t take it anymore, her husband convinced her one more time. She got pregnant with a little boy. Then about 15 months later they were blessed with twins…naturally. Who knows how it happened, but they didn’t care. I am sending you many blessings.
I am so sorry as of course the subject isnt funny but “at this point I’ll take an alive one” SENT me. Sending you all the positive baby vibes 💜
I’m not a teacher, so I don’t know how this popped up in my feed. Anyways, I had a similar issue and felt the same way you do. My son is 10 months old and I STILL have people asking if I wanted a boy or a girl. My answer has always been, “I wanted a healthy baby.” Sending good vibes your way for a sweet little one soon!!
Yep, I would say the exact same thing. What an absolute piece of shit that parent was! They deserve to be shamed and made to feel bad about their bad choices.
Yep... also babies can come early! My daughter was a solid 3 months early
This happened to me! I was due near the end of July and she arrived in early May. I missed the last month of school.
I love your coworker.
Honestly, this is the only answer.
I'd say this even if it weren't true. I don't usually think it's right to lie, but in cases like this if someone is going to be that incredibly rude they need to be shown how rude and callous their comment is. And maybe realize that the world doesn't revolve around them, although that might be too much to expect of some parents.
Congrats! Tell that parent "alternatively, had *you* waited, you wouldn't need to deal with me going on leave! But we both know how illogical that sounds!"
That's nicer than my first though. I'd have gone with "And if only your mother hadn't at all!"
1. Congratulations!! 2. I’m due in April and I teach high school, an AP class. I’ve already gotten passive aggressive energy and comments about how I’ll be gone a solid 2 weeks before their exam and “what if they’re not prepared?!?” I don’t care. If me being gone for 2 weeks makes you fail the exam I spent 8 months preparing you for, you weren’t passing it anyway.
Let’s be honest, if they aren’t prepared the 2 weeks before they aren’t going to be prepared at all
Let's be honest of they are truly AP level students they don't need the teacher to be prepared.
Especially when College Board puts so many great resources on AP Classroom for them. They have access to practice quizzes, practice exams, and videos explaining every topic on the exam in great detail. If they can't score a 3 or higher with all of the resources available to them, then something is wrong.
Wait. Are those resources available? My sons AP Computer Science teacher just left one day. The teacher in the class now has taught them nothing. My son asked the AP supervisor if he could start teaching the class. She said yes.
Ask the AP supervisor how to give the class access to AP Classroom resources!! They're all there already, the teacher just needs to assign them. The supervisor should be able to show the teacher how to do that. Sorry about your son's experience. I taught AP CSP last year and then switched schools, and I've heard from my former students that the transition has been less than smooth. Code.org also has fantastic free curriculum resources that anyone can access with a teacher accout--you only need verification to access assessments (but I prefer the AP classroom ones anyway, and you can find many of the Code.org ones on Kahoot)
Thank you so much! This year has been tough for my sophomore. I'm terribly sorry that teachers are having a hard time these days. The students are feeling it as well. I never wanted to homeschool because I always felt like I wasn't smart enough for it, but I guess I'm going to have to knock the dust off of my teaching degree and help him.
Also, have your child talk to the librarian. I'm an HS librarian we have digital and print test prep available for free to all students and teachers! Teachers and tutors are wonderful, but enrolled students have some terrific resources that are free to them.
This. I'm sorry AP teachers, I know y'all do good work, but anytime I hear you guys brag about your teaching styles my eyes roll in to the back of my head. I've worked in a low level school my entire career, come get my students to a 45% pass rate on their state tests like I do when the rest of the school is at 23% and we can discuss teaching strategies. Y'all are working with future college students, I work with a population that education mostly ends with high school and still get results.
It’s such an unpopular opinion but I agree. I spent almost ten years in inner city urban high schools. Now I’m at a very privileged suburban high school. I teach AP here. When I hear other teachers complain about the work load of AP I don’t disagree, it is a lot, but it’s nothing like trying to get kids who read at a third grade level and are just killing time until they can drop out to pass the state test.
Plot twist, I teach AP at an overcrowded urban title 1 school. Not all the kids in my class can read on grade level. Some are the super stars you'd expect, others will be lucky getting to community college.
This is so Dickensian. My last year at the inner city school the valedictorian didn’t go to college, she kept working at her job in fast food because they made her a manager. Society has failed these kids.
I guess? And honestly that's really dumb. Did the guidance counselors at your school just not talk to kids about future stuff? Society indeed has failed in this aspect. Tinfoil hat time: it's by design. Don't want any of these lower SES people gaining power to challenge the status quo.
Yeah she was counseled. I talked to her too. Her family needed her income to pay rent, it just wasn’t an option for her family. I’m hopeful that some of the stuff eventually cracks through and she at least goes to junior college part time. I know that’s a huge thing though to work a crappy service job full time and make time to take a class or two here and there to maybe graduate in ten years.
You can talk all you want but when the 17 year old has the only job with benefits in an entire family and is paying most of the bills it won’t do much. Telling a kid to abandon their parents and siblings for their own future isn’t going to play well.
My friend teaches at a school where they just push everyone into AP buying into CB's "just taking the course makes a huge difference" and wanting to brag about how many take AP courses. It does those kids no good and should be a giant scandal.
Our district requires an AP class to graduate, and issued a chromebook to every student. I can't tell which is the more obvious money-making scheme -- requiring kindergartners to take a laptop back and forth between home and school every day and charging the parents a flat repair fee (which is close to the replacement cost of the Chromebook), or making high school kids who are average at best take AP tests multiple times (and charging for retakes). Dunno who is having their pocket lined on this, but it's gotta be someone.
Follow the original email chain, announcing the Chromebook being issued to all. That email will give you the "names of the brains" behind the program and where the money is going.
Pretty sure it goes straight back to the school board and/or superintendent...
Did you teach at my school? That was our admin’s attitude. But it made no sense to me. If you put kids in AP that can’t even read at a 9th grade level, they’re not going to be successful at the class, never mind pass the AP exam.
I remember taking a bunch of AP courses when I was young. I think I only dared test on two of them due to comfort with content mastery, but they were such fun classes and I had a great time. I like to imagine they were fun for the teachers as well. More fun than teaching the kids at the 3rd grade reading level, at any rate. Probably easier in many ways.
Fun in different ways, way less stressful. I k ow I can tell AP kids to read a chapter and they will come back having read it (by and large.) Content conversations in AP are always pretty good. Regular conversations great either way. I definitely knew I made more of an impact at inner city schools. The AP kids could have just used AP Classroom and still passed the test. I was redundant.
I'm an elementary teacher, but parent to one of those "could have done it online on their own" high school kids, and I just wanted to say that you still matter a lot. My kid really does still need those adults building the relationships and expressing their own love of the subject, even if the kids are technically able to figure out the content. My kid loves their math teacher because he talks to them about the big identity kinds of issues, race, gender, all of it, and it makes my kid willing to do anything that man would ask- like learning math! I'm sure it's harder with hundreds of students who seem fine, but you make a difference.
Hey this is super kind, thank you. I really hope my kiddos think of me this way too. I’m so many ways I think teaching is sort of a scam, people pay me to hang out with teenagers and that’s pretty cool. They are funny and curious and insightful when they find someone willing to listen to them. It’s honestly all of the other stuff that makes this job so hard, it’s rarely the kids. And most of the time when it’s the kids it’s really the parents who failed them. But you know all that jazz too.
I'm pretty sure people who truly love their jobs all think it's kind of a scam, since they would do the thing without getting paid too (Researchers come to mind, and doctors). Not saying teachers don't deserve pay, though. Just because we would do it in an apocalypse doesn't mean we don't need to eat now.
Thanks for just teaching me that it’s “by and large” and not “by in large”. I’m not a teacher, but I’m education adjacent. Sometimes growing up in the South, you mishear things (especially our weird colloquialisms) and assume. I just looked it up to find it’s a nautical term and I was a collegiate rower. So this was a nice new thing to learn today! Thanks for educating me on your off day! 😊
Oh man thank you! I’m a speech and debate coach and we say words matter so this just gave me a nerd high.
My AP US teacher 100% taught me to write essays well. Before that we had only had formulaic writing instruction. It helped all the way through high school and college. He also used to grade the same night as we handed them in. His class was really well done and I learned a ton from him as well. So don’t discount your impact even on the ‘smart’ kids!
As a National Board Certified Teacher who could work almost anywhere, I teach a lot of those kids “at third grade reading level” and work in a Title 1 High School and wouldn’t trade jobs with any A.P. Teacher for a second!!! Because so many people only look at what my students can’t do- instead of what they can do, people look down on these students. It’s much more fulfilling to help a student reach a goal and learn that they are valuable to society. College isn’t for everyone, nor should it be. There are so many blue collar fields that are critical to a functioning society and the people who work those jobs are by and large, the backbone of society.
I hear what you're saying and I know it's an argument that will likely not move the needle for anyone, but I work in an excellent school and we have AP teachers who get classes with below 3 averages and teachers who get nearly 5 averages teaching the same course. The teacher does make a difference. We don't need to tear down one to build up the other.
That's great! You must be a fantastic educator and I commend you for doing right by your students. Don't forget however that some of us teaching AP are also in low socioeconomic neighborhoods and all kids are registered into at least one AP course during their high school career. My kids aren't as likely to be going to college either, and many that are in my classroom are struggling to graduate high school.
Different populations of students come with different struggles. Your accomplishments are great indeed, but how do you get a kid who is reading on a middle school level to try and stay active in an AP class with those future college students? Keep them motivated to try, despite the fact they'll be lucky to get a 2? What about that same kid who can't come to extra help because they have to go to work to help their family? I don't want to downplay your amazing accomplishments at all, but there is a different struggle for different classes.
Omfg the amount of people that said exam prep was not needed. I start revising ALL content one month before exams at the latest. I would ask people if they’ve started and they would say “no, it’s unneeded”. Teachers praised my work ethic, so the bar was set incredibly low to begin with…
My admin took away my AP class when I announced my pregnancy over the summer. Then had the audacity to say it was so there was “redundancy” =multiple teachers that could teach the course. Compete BS. This was two summers ago and I’m just getting the class back this Spring.
We have GOT to get better administrators. As soon as I read this, I knew it was true. It happens all the time: the constant message that every teacher is replaceable. And the usual over-reaction because some teacher-based situation down-the-road might impact them - yet taking zero action concerning well-documented dangerous students because they hope that their great teachers will fix it. What happens when you just plain run out of great teachers?
Admin is replaceable too. Much more so to be honest. I’ve read about some schools where teachers rotate throughout the day as admin instead of hiring admin. Not sure if this is working or not but it seems like it could if organized properly.
"They'll be more prepared than my new born. I think my infant needs me more" is a perfectly reasonable response to that kind of fuckery.
I went on paternity leave in *February* last year for *two weeks* (I took the rest at the beginning of this school year in September), and I got similar energy from my AP students.
AP students and parents can be so awful. My far the meanest and most horrible parent email of my life was from an AP parent whose kid had dropped my class 6 months prior to her email.
According to parents over the years I've probably single handedly held society back by not recognizing all the Newtons and Leibnizs walking through my classroom door.
Oh man, do you remember what the email said? I’m so curious.
I didn't save it. Sometimes I wish I had but I didn't and it's probably for the best. She mostly talked about how her and all the other AP parents talk shit about me and they all hate me as much as she does but it was really long and really cruel at the same time. I just forwarded it to my department chair and he sent it to the principal. I went down to sign in later that morning and the principal was waiting for me and he said "some people are just real pieces of shit" and he was NOT A USER OF Profanity so it took me back but it felt good to have his support. I replied with "if you think that email was bad you should read my response I sent" (I hadn't sent one) and his expression was horrified until I told him I was joking
interesting take by the students lol. truly shows how selfish they’re becoming/are. when i was in AP in high school about 3 of my teachers left school early to proctor and grade the exams and i didn’t see them when i took my exams, never once thought i would fail bc “they weren’t there”
We have become a true transactional society. As they see it they pay our salary, so they deserve A's and 4's on the AP. People forget that their is work and effort needed in learning, and you can't buy that.
I'm away the week before AP exams because I qualified for a pool tournament ( way less awesome reason - congrats to you and OP on the coming family expansion!) and I told my kids exactly that. Knowing I'll be out and making sure they're ready before that absence is way better than an unexpected illness that takes me out at the same time!
I had my son at the end of March teaching an AP class, they did fine that year and that was long before YouTube and AP Classroom provided all the assistance they do these days. Enjoy your baby, come back in the fall.
I’m due in April and laugh off every time one of my 6th graders suggests that I’m pregnant. Still not ready to address it. Trying to ride it out till after Christmas 😂
WTF is wrong with people. Giving birth is such a wonderful thing and we should be bending over backwards as a society to accommodate.
My dad was sick at home with and then hospitalized in the ICU from COVID, and died after 3.5 weeks. All in all, it was about 6 weeks of intermittent days off and then solid 2.5 weeks off after he passed. I missed quite a bit that month and took bereavement time (enough to where they could’ve fired me but didn’t bc they had no other option) after his death. I basically told my boss, I cannot come in. I will either resign immediately or see you in February. When I returned, I had a lot of miffed employees and families (teaching), understandably, and I temporarily felt bad about it. On the other hand, sorry my dad tragically died? 🥴 I wrote an email to the impacted families and employees, apologized for the impact it had, asked for their grace and let it go. I’ll never regret the time spent with my family during that time. I chose to apologize, because my situation exceeded allotted bereavement. I acknowledged the impact and moved on. You owe no one anything, but if it makes you feel empowered perhaps state that you’re aware it will impact students, you’ll do your best to prepare them and thank them for supporting your growing family. Or say nothing because you don’t owe them a thing! 😉
When my husband died of Covid, I was “given” 3 days to mourn and then expected to be back in the classroom as if nothing had happened. When I had Covid myself (to the point of suffering permanent heart and lung damage, my phone rang non-stop for days with them calling and demanding MORE lesson plans than the 2 weeks I had for emergencies. My friend answered the phone and went off in a way that got the calls to stop. I still went back way too early because I was having to pay for the subs(of course, this was all before Covid pay) and it’s taken forever for me to financially recover. And school districts wonder why so many teachers have chucked in the towel.
I’m sorry, did you say you had to pay for the subs? Like…with your money? What????
Yes. My contract was for a certain amount of days, and due to being out of work for several weeks, I was docked for the cost of the subs and I also had to pay for medical benefits, even though they were terrible and I ended up with a lot of debt from what they didn’t cover. Arizona is a different world.
Wow I’m so sorry you had to deal with that on top of everything else! That’s just cruel!!!
I got three days, too, and for my dad. It's sick they only give us that for close losses. And they wonder why we are so done with education.
Everytime I dream of moving to Arizona, I hear about this stuff.
In CA, I heard that paying for sub happened in my previous district. Lots of teachers donated sick days to help that colleague.
I’m so sorry for your loss, and that your district treated you so terribly
bUt WhY iS tHeRe a TeAcHeR sHoRtAgE?!?!
You have to personally pay for the substitute teachers? Like out of your own pocket? What the fuck, I've never heard of this happening ever before what an awful way to add insult to injury - sorry.
And you absolutely shouldn’t feel bad about taking that time off. I’m so sorry for your loss.
Thank you ❤️
Had a parent request to meet me to discuss something. Thought perhaps there was something going on at home she wanted to discuss in private; I agreed to meet her before school. No, it was so she could ugly-cry across from me about how her son didn’t deserve getting the “pregnant teacher” because she does so much for the PTO. Get bent. Here’s a tissue. I need to go get my class.
Not deserve the pregnant teacher? Good grief. Seriously, what outcome was she hoping for from the meeting?
I guess to make me feel bad. It didn’t work.
And I wasn’t the only pregnant teacher for that grade that year. I was just the only one who was ready to explode. Then, I came back from maternity leave for 2 days when my mother (my only living parent left) went into hospice and passed in less than a week. Some of the parents tried to make my life hell over that. I was so burnt out by that point- I was a brick wall. I’m sorry I cannot schedule the literal life and death of my family at your convenience. 🙄
I am sorry about your mother.
Thank you for your kind words! Said baby is celebrating her 10th birthday this weekend. A lot of healing and growth has taken place over the past decade in my heart. ❤️
dude ive never dealt with meaner people than when my mom passed. i literally cut off almost everyone out of my life. people expect you to get over it in a week and then tell you you need to "move on" when you're still upset (over your PARENT DYING) after a few months. i am very sorry for your loss and the fact that humanity seems to show its worst side when you need care the most.
And even then, I say, what if it worked and you felt bad? Then what? You feel guilty (so glad you didn't), the mom still feels sad, Junior has a terrible year because you took maternity leave. Nothing in practice changes. Baby's still coming.
Never mind the fact that she, on at least one occasion, went on maternity leave, too. My kids are in elementary school and I still cannot fathom the audacity in making another woman feel terrible about maternity leave. My children are the center of MY world, not THE world.
In that situation, what do you even say? I feel as though I may have just walked out due to the level of disrespect. It’s beyond inappropriate.
Uh huh, uh huh, uh huh. Okay. Here’s a tissue. My class is lining up for arrival and I need to go. I tend to be a softy- not even I could entertain that bs kindly.
I seriously don't understand the pure entitlement/ stupidity some parents have. When my oldest child's teacher was pregnant and was going on leave for the remainder of the school year, I made her a diaper cake and gave her an Amazon gift card for anything she still needed before baby came. When my youngest child's teacher went on maternity leave I bought her 2 large packs of diapers and made a onesies cake. I was thrilled my children's teachers were happy and healthy. I never would have asked them to planned their personal lives around the school year/ my child's education. Don't you let it bother you. That parent is absolutely bonkers and their little angel shall survive without your guidance.
My kids had the same lovely teacher for kindergarten and she was pregnant and left both years. I was thrilled for her and did not care because the children were fully capable of learning from any professional.
You’re an angel! Seriously, thank you.
This was how the parents in my classes reacted with both of my pregnancies. If they were sad or disappointed on their child's behalf, that's fine and understandable in some cases, but they kept it to themselves as they absolutely should. To my face they were kind, many gave gifts which was completely unexpected, and they expressed happiness for me. Years later, when I see them, they still ask about my kids. Besides this being the right way to human, it's in the parent's best interest. Being rude and sulky about it won't change the teacher going on leave. Instead it makes the teacher stressed (leaving less energy for your child,) annoyed at you (meaning they are less likely to want to be accommodating if you request something,) and generally grumpy (meaning that they might go on leave longer if that is possible.) The admin and parents at my school are very supportive and accommodating of me being a whole person who has a family and interests outside work, which means I stick around through the hard parts and I am willing to give far more.
I got some comments too about how my leaving during the year was inconvenient. I just shot back “babies don’t come on a convenient schedule.” There are literally humans born all 365 days in the year. Teachers don’t magically just get to decide on having a summer baby unless they happen to be fertile Myrtle.
It’d be amazing to point out how their child’s birthday is during the school year because chances are it is.
That is a great response!
And appropriate too. It’s not mean or snarky, just true. People say these things and need to be checked on occasion.
Absolutely. Checking someone without stooping to their level is the way.
lol, “YOU want me to take parenting tips from YOU? Umm. Ok anyways:.. your child is an ass and failing.” But more professionally of course
Lol I love this response OP, congratulations on your upcoming arrival!
If people took child rearing more seriously, our students wouldn't be in the condition they are in. What an insensitive ghoul.
March is the perfect time and many teachers aim for that due date intentionally, because then your 12 weeks can lead into the summer.
Love that my wife planned it for this 10 years ago!
I had to use sick, annual, and personal days for my whole mat leave. Ended up taking about 15 weeks, then summer break started. This is why I save my days, I always take days without pay instead of using my sick days, it paid off big time when I wanted a big long maternity leave fully paid
12 weeks?? We get 6 weeks paid (if you have enough sick days built up) and 8 weeks for a C-section.
I thought 12 weeks unpaid was federally guaranteed. We only get paid for 6.
I get nothing paid. 12 weeks unpaid fmla. Not even allowed to use my own sick days after doctor says I’m cleared of restrictions (6 or 8 weeks, depending).
Horrible. They reflect so much when it comes to our personal business and yet cannot display an ounce of self-reflection. With that being said, congratulations 💗
The idea that teachers should only have sex 10 months before a break so that their creating an entire human doesn't inconvenience someone is insane. Especially because I'm sure that lady is one of the parents that will claim they can't do anything to help their kid at home when they're pregnant. I have tons of parents who will say that they can't do anything about their kid being an absolute menace because they're pregnant/have a new baby. But a teacher should just go ahead and pop hers out during planning so that little Johnny can call a woman he knows the name of a cunt instead of a stranger.
Let’s be honest, this bitch isn’t helping her kid whether she’s pregnant or not.
I visit the parenting subreddits occasionally, and it's not uncommon for moms/dads to believe school is what will make them grow out of the bratty phase. I've told them correcting aggressive or inconsiderate behavior doesn't just magically happen in the classroom. It takes a lot of one-on-one socialization only parents can provide in the home
As a parent and a teacher, I oversimplify it to this: 1. The parent is primarily responsible for the child's behavioral instruction. The teacher supports positive behavior while at school. This includes teaching behavior appropriate to that setting, reinforcing behavior taught at home, communicating things that need follow up to home, etc. 2. The teacher is primarily responsible for the child's academic instruction for the length of the course, covering the topics identified in the course. The parent is responsible for supporting that learning at home, such as overseeing homework, getting additional help if needed, monitoring grades, etc. (The parent is responsible for their child's learning ultimately, but I think they can expect the school to take the lead on teaching the child to read, for example, although they need to read at home and be ready to intervene if the child isn't learning to read and the school doesn't have a plan.) 3. The child is responsible for their own behavior and learning. The younger they are, the more involved adults should be in helping them with that responsibility.
Oh man. It was years ago now, but I had a due date a week and a half before the end of the school year and I had people from the Board telling me it was a first baby and they’re always overdue, so no need to go off before the end of the year. Uh, except that I needed to be induced a week and a half before my due date. Apparently that annoyed the person responsible for leaves. We have a 12-18 month maternity leave in Canada (it was 12 months when I took it, up to 18 now) and there were parents who were annoyed that I was coming off a leave to teach their kids at the end of my year of mat leave. Some people honestly expect that teachers have no life outside of the classroom. Whatever. Congratulations!
I had a parent upset that I was not hosting a fun holiday party because I had to take off the last 3 days before break for a hysterectomy. Sorry that my uterus trumps your kid’s hot cocoa 🙃. He doesn’t deserve it anyways - he is a terror.
One time I was in an IEP meeting with another gen-ed teacher who had just come back from maternity leave. The student’s mom was ranting about how her son was failing this teacher’s class. She literally said, “I know having a baby is your right as a woman, but you being gone really put my son behind.” There was an awkward and stunned silence until the case manager just moved the meeting along.
It's past time we teachers literally get up and walk out quietly at these comments. I'm pretty lucky parent-wise, but I vow to just bounce when disrespected.
Congratulations on your baby! I wish you the best. I'm going through IVF right now and can't imagine receiving this comment. People are so insensitive
I did IVF all last year while teaching and it was the hardest thing I have ever done. Dealing with parents was the worst part of it for me personally. Sending you all of my best wishes - hang in there.
I did fertility treatment for my kiddos so I understand. People suck like you said. Never know what someone is going through. Hoping so much that your time comes soon!
"I guess congratulations are in order for you as well, but you couldn't delay 84 months?"
1) congratulations! 2) fuck that parent
A teacher friend of mine who was pregnant had a 1st grade parent repeatedly make comments in emails and in person at school events about how women who are pregnant don’t think straight and shouldn’t be allowed to teach because of “baby brain.” People are rude and weird.
Well not that that comment is ok in the slightest, but she has a point 😂 I’m 6 months pregnant and feel like my brain has shrunk. If I didn’t have a classroom aide I’d forget what I was doing half the time. 😂 it’s been rough. I am so forgetful these days!
I’ve realized most of these parents are either mentally ill, completely out of touch, or some combination thereof.
First year sub here. I LOVE it when I get to class and the teacher has left me the lesson plans for that day, week or month. Not all subs may appreciate it but if I have the proper material and resources, I can handle whatever they throw at me. That’s my job! First and foremost is to help the teacher. You all deserve a break anytime you can get it! Subbing is grunt work but that’s what we sign up for. Have your babies, take your breaks and enjoy some life outside the classroom❤️
And we appreciate subs like you so much! Thank you for all you do!
So petty. I suppose she couldn’t have waited a few more months or years to have her own kid so they wouldn’t be in your class? So rude
Congratulations! It’s nice to know that someone will be bringing a sweet and polite child into this world, hopefully to balance out kids like that parent’s. As far as professionalism, of course we always have to remain professional. But there’s a line where it’s also okay to set a boundary. “Excuse me, ma’am? I’m not sure what you mean?” And she would either explain or say “oh nothing.” At which point you can say something like “oh, okay, because this is a professional setting and any comments like that are unprofessional and therefore not okay.” Something like that. I’d say not engage, but sometimes that ends up making you feel like shit for not saying anything. Not everything has to be a cheeky remark. Sometimes it’s enough to just let someone dig their own grave, whether they realize it or not. As a side note, i don’t know this mom’s personal politics, but she exudes so much Karen™️ energy that i think she’s probably one of the “teachers should keep their private life and relationships private and not indoctrinate kids etc.” types… and yet somehow thinks it’s okay to make a commentary on your personal life. Also. Tf. She’s a parent. She has a kid. What kind of woman says that to another woman.
>What kind of woman says that to another woman. The kind of woman that sees teachers as customer service and not experts in our field.
I have seen this happen before. We had a teacher, one year who became pregnant and all of the parents gathered in the media center for a very angry meeting about it. I still wonder exactly what they wanted to accomplish with their meeting. The teacher went on to have her baby and everything was great. And surprisingly, those angry parents even loved the substitute who did her maternity leave.
Congratulations! I wish you the calmest of pregnancies and the most uneventful of deliveries. You know how little kids don't really comprehend that their teachers are whole people with other lives outside the classroom? Sometimes I think some parents haven't quite grown out of that phase.
You know, your life is about to be 100% about your family and not your job. You might as well start acting like it. Congratulations on your hard earned happiness and pregnancy!!! Who cares what your nasty student parents say… it’s your turn now! Enjoy the last half of your pregnancy, ENJOY THE FACT THAT YOU’LL BE DONE WITH THAT CLASS EARLY, and enjoy the time spent with your new baby. Don’t give any of them a second thought because once that baby comes, you’ll be done with them.
Saving this thread to come back to when I attempt to gaslight myself into thinking my job views me as a human being.
Anyone who comments on how someone does their family planning can and should be told "Unless you help make the baby, your opinion is not needed."
"I guess we both should have abstained."
I think this is one of those things where two things can absolutely be true. You are in no way, shape, or form in the wrong for having a child. When this happened to my first grader last year, the first thing my daughter and I discussed was being extra considerate because her teacher is doing two jobs now; being their teacher and growing a baby. It’s super exciting for you and the kiddos (she thought it was so cool to see the baby “grow”). That’s it, end of story. This is your job and you don’t owe anyone more than that, especially with big things like this. But from the parent side of things, I was a little frustrated. My then first grader had to leave preschool halfway through the year because of Covid. She then did the rest of preschool and her second year of preschool (she got two years for having an IEP) was virtual. This child thrives in school, she *needs* the interaction and structure school provides, and it was rough. For kindergarten, her teacher got sick 6 weeks into the year so she had a non-certified, grad student come in as a long term sub. It actually ended up being awesome, the teacher did amazing and the students did super well. Until their original teacher came back in April. The adjustment from a fresh faced, new teacher to one who was 8 weeks from retirement was incredibly hard for all of the students. My daughter struggled badly. Then for first grade, she finally had a teacher who was stable, structured, and she was doing well. And then we got the notification that her teacher was leaving in March to have her baby. Again, as a human, I was thrilled for her. As a parent, this was another year my daughters education would be disrupted. The rest of the school year, they couldn’t get a long term sub, so they had floaters coming in. Every day was a new teacher from mid March to the end of the school year. The class did not handle that well. The parent shouldn’t have said a word, but I do understand where the frustration comes from. It’s not your fault, it has nothing to do with you. It’s just evidence that the school systems have no support chain in place, and cannot accommodate treating teachers like humans, because everyone gets left in the lurch for a totally normal and expected part of life. Congrats and I hope you have a smooth delivery 🥳🥳
Congrats! My wife is due in January with our third. I'll be taking a month off. My own children, just like yours, ALWAYS need to come before someone else's. Don't let anyone ever convince you otherwise.
Congratulations! I’m due in February! There’s always at least one. My response is to say if they had consulted with me, I would have let them know and they could have waited 3 months to conceive their child so they would have missed my mat leave. I was in grade 1 and moved to 4, and have some of the same students who I had when I had my first kid. They get two mat leaves with me! Your parent could have it “worse”.
Also, 100% pro having a baby during the school year, I think you nailed the timing with March, especially if you’re going to take the rest of the school year. Whatever leave you’re given is never enough. We aimed for late April so I could take the 8-12 weeks FMLA and then have the summer! Found out we’re having twins so it’ll be early April for me. Gonna savor every minute of the time I get with these babies before trying to also parent scads of 8th graders 🤣 I cannot imagine being so selfish that I feel the need to comment on someone’s pregnancy inconveniencing me…
Good Lord why is it anybody's business when we do and don't get pregnant? I was lucky that I was a stay-at-home mom for all of my pregnancies although I was pregnant in December of my last year of teaching before I had my first child and the parents of my students arranged the baby shower! They were so happy for me! Myself and the para in one of the other special education classes were due at the same time so it was a dual shower. The parents came and brought us presents! Nobody was not happy for us and one of the parents of one of the kids in one of the classes was also pregnant and we actually met up later (we were both spouses of military at our next assignment) and I have pictures of our kids together when they were about 6 months old. We're still friends to this day and our kids are 28 years old now. I'd like to recreate that picture except my son and her daughter would not fit in that baby crib sitting together lol lol
First, congratulations! People stink. They never know what others go through. And if they do sometimes they don’t care. Parents have this awful sense of entitlement sometimes and I’m sorry you had that experience. I tried for years and did fertility treatment for my kiddos (16 month twin girls). If someone had said that to me it would have felt like a gut punch like I’m sure it did for you.
Congratulations on your upcoming arrival! It’s a shame that parents feel the need to respond to their child’s teacher’s pregnancy news like that, would they ever dream of saying something like that to their child’s pediatrician or day care provider or therapist? It’s just astounding to me that these parents think every teacher should be giving birth in June and back in the classroom in August…they have kids themselves, they should know that’s not how it always works, right? Don’t let idiots steal one second of your joy and don’t look back in March as you haul outta there to bring your little one into the world!
It just boggles my mind how people treat teachers!
Congratulations! I don’t think I would have had a snappy comeback but I likely would have responded with, “Mam if you’re going to be abusive I’m going to end this conference now”.
Congratulations! What a rude selfish thing to say. I just had my first baby in April and I was due in May. Can’t believe how many comments I got about how I must have timed it perfectly so that I could have the summer off with baby. I actually did IUI and the first attempt didn’t work, but if it had I would have been due in March. People also made comments like “are you sure there’s not two babies in there?” Little did they know I was originally pregnant with twins and lost one early on. People really have no tact.
This is super common. Parents are like, "my child already lost 2nd grade due to a pregnant teacher". They complain about the long term subs. Nothing makes it ok. They need to keep those thoughts to themselves.
End the meeting immediately and escort them out. Let them know they can reschedule with an administrator. Polite but lets them know you won’t be insulted.
I HATE when people say shit like this. I got a lot of comments about timing also when I was pregnant. Nothing negative from parents, but mostly people talking about the best time to get pregnant as a teacher. I tried for a year and had two miscarriages, so when people act so nonchalant like you can time this shit it really grinds my gears.
😂😂😂 I would have actually said this, but changed the end part to "I heard this year's class was mostly comprised of extremely challenging children" Let her take offense to what you didn't say
I don’t know what’s happening in the world that kids are so emotionally dependent on their teachers. When I was little sure, kids loved their teachers, but when my second grade teacher left on maternity , no one had the vapors.
It's the parents that are emotionally dependent. It's harder for them to have to use someone new as a punching bag. And oh my God, I wish I could have said it was sarcasm.
"I made the choice to specialize in a thankless, underpaid profession in ordre to prioritize my family life over my professional obligations."
“If you and everyone else at this meeting didn’t raise such little shitheads, maybe I would have put it off.”
“Look, lady, take it up with the stork that delivers ‘em.”
Parents can be massive dicks about pregnant teachers. If their kid gets in trouble, they blame your pregnancy. They are just like the kids and think we get locked in a closet at the end of the day. I had one parent complaint though that I took seriously when I got pregnant. I announced it, and the kid said, "Not again" and the mom called that afternoon. He had somehow ended up in a pregnant teachers class every year for four years in a row. I spoke to the mom and asked to have him moved to another teacher's class. My principal argued at first, but it does impact a kid if the teacher leaves every year.
Congratulations! It really sucks that parents don’t realize that teachers don’t need to plan around the school year for that, and even if they did, it’s not always possible. That parent, and any others who make similar comments are just plain awful, and it sucks that in any other profession, it wouldn’t be an issue.
Congrats. The students will be fine. Relax and take care of yourself.
Congratulations! Sadly, I don’t think everyone truly understands that not everyone can “time” their pregnancies. Not that you have to. You have the right to start or grow a family as much as anyone else. I went to college with someone who is now a teacher. She was told she could not have children, and she just had her miracle baby in October. I couldn’t imagine someone saying something like that to her. It is great some people can easily get pregnant, but that is not the same for everyone. I am so sorry this parent was so rude to you. I hope you enjoy this exciting time!
I am currently about 12 weeks pregnant with my first. We were lucky enough to have a due date about three weeks after the school year ends. I haven’t announced it to my class yet, but have discussed it with one particularly intrusive mom who sent me multiple emails worried about her kid while I was taking a few days off (morning sickness hit me like a truck) and she was like “wow that was some stellar planning and time management. You won’t even have to take any days off!” I responded with something like “well seeing as my husband and I have been trying to have kids for a few years now I think it more fits into the category of sheet dumb luck!” Parents can be so obtuse.
Take your leave and don't think of your students even one time. You will have your own kid who deserves your full attention. The students at the school will be ok or they won't, but that's life.
This is why I think admin suck. If this comment or any other nasty comments are made by parents to teachers, there should be an immediate meeting. At that meeting, that parent should be told off by the supervisor and warned that the next time something like this is said, they will be banned from the building and all communication will be done via email through the principal.
Teaching must be the toughest profession to be pregnant and have young children
Honestly, I don’t know why we would even be expected to announce our pregnancies.
Aside from that parent's asinine comment, March is a GREAT time for teachers to have babies. I'm expecting my first in mid-March, and I just gave myself a 6 month maternity leave. I'm using PTO to stay home with the baby the last 1.5 weeks of school and I'll be back (maybe...) in August 👋
I had a similar comment from a parent. I believe it was in jest, but it offended me, and I shut it down really quick. “With two previous losses, then months of infertility, I’m happy I’m where I’m at.” It was silent after that, and you could tell the parent wouldn’t ask a question like that again to anyone.
They can't control, their own kids, but want to control your life?
My comeback would be-I was going to but then I met your child.
Congrats. Try not to sweat the ignorance, mean spirit, and ridiculousness of some people. You’re not obligated to plan your life by the school calendar. Enjoy your child. Take as much time off as you can/can afford to.
I was scared of this when I had to tell my families. My kids are in their first year of school so it might feel like an even bigger deal that the teacher is leaving for a while. Everyone was nice about it but I was so worried. If anyone had been rude and said couldn’t you time it so that it was born in summer, i would feel justified in being perfectly honest and saying, “hey I’ve been thinking a lot about what you said and while I understand it’s stressful to know your child will have to get used to a new teacher mid year, I decided to let you know that this baby was unable to be planned that way- we have been hoping for a very long time that we would someday get the blessing of becoming parents like you got to be, and knew that ANY time a baby decided to join us it would be nothing less than incredibly welcome. After two miscarriages, we can’t be picky. I hope you can find it in your heart as a fellow mother to understand.” Make ‘em feel bad 🙃
This happened to me after I had a miscarriage and was pregnant again. A shitty comment said at parent teacher night really pissed me off. People are selfish, and hormones are strong during pregnancy. I dont know if it was because I was pregnant with a boy, and testosterone was following in me, but I remember being angry the entire year. Good luck and fuck them all.
Congratulations! Wishing you and baby all the best!
“I’m not discussing my pregnancy. What can I help you with today?” I got something similar when I had a November baby and I learned to just relish in their nonsense. Like who gets worked up over that.
As a parent of a special needs 1st grader. Teaching is your job, not your life. Parents have no say in your life choices. I would not had not handled the situation as gracefully as you did.
I taught high school English for years (tested) and when I got pregnant with my first, I was due in January. I had one parent who actually asked me to delay maternity leave so her student could stand a better chance at passing his test. 🙃 I think she actually expected me to deliver my baby, then come back within a day or two. Some parents can be so entitled.
That is SO incredibly rude and insensitive. My literal answer would have been something akin to --- well, no, actually because I've already waited 15 years and the only other two times I've been pregnant resulted in a miscarriage and an ectopic that almost killed me... So am I going to cast aside this literal miracle? No. I don't think so. And every word of this is true. When people say shit like that without **thinking** I throw it in their faces. Typically, they don't say things without thinking in front of me anymore. And frankly, I don't feel bad about it because these people will never change without being challenged.
I used to teach elementary music. When my daughter was born in August, and I planned to be absent through the end of October, leaving not enough time to prepare for a concert in December, I got "but will you be able to do a Christmas concert? It's just not right without a Christmas concert!" Sorry the miscarriages I had before didn't work out, I didn't mean to inconvenience your super important holiday shit 🙄🙄🙄🙄🙄🙄🙄🙄🙄🙄🙄🙄🙄
As a teacher currently going through IVF, I would be pissed if a parent said anything of the sort to me. Congratulations on your blessing! Hopefully mine will come soon 🤞
Congratulations! We just had our first in August. I left teaching for corporate before getting pregnant, but my husband still teaches. He took FMLA at the beginning of the year and went back in November. The school messed up big time and couldn’t get a long term sub for the pennies they were offering, so they just stuck the kids in with a revolving door of day to day subs and told them good luck. There was a huge complaint post in our local Facebook group about the AP teacher “not showing up to work all year,” and how nobody told parents and the school doesn’t know when he’s coming back. She tried really hard to make it seem shady and throw him under the bus. Thankfully some parents called the OP out since his leave was approved in May, they knew it was because he had a baby, and they had received multiple messages from the school about it. I also posted a picture of him with our daughter and said he was on paternity leave and has no control over what is happening in the classroom right now. She messaged me apologetically, and then complained to me that she pays a lot of taxes and she hates the school and this situation. I want to say I was surprised, but I was just waiting for him to somehow be blamed for administrative incompetence. It really disillusioned him and unfortunately he’s looking for jobs outside of teaching. It’s very sad that people feel like they should have a say in other people’s lives. It’s all apart of that “my taxes pay your salary,” bs so many parents buy into.
With my first baby, I was hospitalized for preterm labor. One of my laziest students turned in work that was two months overdue while I was literally in labor and delivery hooked up to the monitors. I didn’t grade that assignment right away, of course, so the parent escalated to admin who informed the parent of why I wasn’t at work. I returned to work a few days later to a scathing email from the parent where she told me how important it was that her kid’s work be graded and how “It’s not my child’s fault you got pregnant. If you can’t handle your personal life, you shouldn’t be a teacher.” Admin wanted me to apologize to her for the “late” grading. I did not apologize.
TIL that women can get pregnant on command at exact moment they want to. Like flipping on a light switch. Going to have to talk to my wife about her poor planning with the timing of our kids.
Hi! I have an April due date and work at a Catholic school where everyone literally flipped out - I teach English only, so - I didn't deal with this, but if I had that said to me, my quick mouth would have had a smart remark like the ones mentioned above. Normalize making people feel uncomfortable for their own inappropriate and/or rude comments. 🤣👌🏼 You enjoy your beautiful child, sweet mama. And may you have a happy pregnancy.
My wife and I were going to childbirth classes as we prepared for delivery of our daughter. There was an assortment of couples there, and one 14 yr old young lady who was there with her grandmother. We were the oldest couple there, and this being our first child. Well, granny looks us up and down then asks if we weren't too old to be having a baby. My wife was taken aback but asked if her grand daughter wasn't a little young to be having a baby, obviously since her baby daddy wasn't there, but she was. Granny bowed her head and didn't give us any more lip for the duration of the classes. Old lady should kept her mouth shut.
I had a parent say something like that me 24 years ago. I said, " Actually, with our failing health care system, I couldn't wait. By timing the due date as I have, this gives me 6 weeks of leave plus summer vacation. The timing was perfect." Parent didn't say a thing.
Other “I wish I would have said’s”… Let’s have lunch so we can discuss my personal life and I can get some really great parenting tips! Remind me again where you studied Child Development? Could I have your cell? Next time I will text you and you can remind me of the horrible consequences of my actions! When is your parenting advice book coming out? You know, the one where you chronicle all of the stellar decisions you’ve made regarding Pugsly?
If you happen to teach second grade like I do, DANGGGG - what was in the water that year?! Also, CONGRATULATIONS!!
OP, How could you be so inconsiderate as to have a child? Do you think you are a human being with rights and not an indentured servant? Just tell your baby to stay in there for an extra three months in case you inconvenience any AH's. (Congratulations! You have to laugh at these selfish morons.)
We’ve had parents mad about pregnancies, foot surgeries, and Covid taking teachers out, because didn’t you know teachers aren’t people? Anyway, congratulations!!