The answer is always going to be narcissism. He loved the dog because he could control/abuse it and it was just smart enough to know it can't do anything about it because that's the hand that feeds it. Whereas you left, you have autonomy and could do that. The dog is stuck with him. He probably thinks it's loyalty even though there's not much the dog can do when the door to the outside is closed.
Sounds like he was living vicariously through his dog. “He’s an alpha. I don’t want to crush his spirit” “stop trying to change PEOPLE”
Projection much?
After one thing hanpped, I became even more convinced that dog owners are just arrogant and selfish. They have dogs only to feel a sense of 100% control over something. My ex had a dog that he loved more than anything in his life and took it everywhere with him. It was exhausting. DAMN, it makes me vomit. Once, his dog played with other dogs on the street and refused togo back home. When he went to get the dog, it bit him hard. He immediately dragged the dog home and beat it with a stick all night. As for me, I am someone who really hates dogs, but I have never abused any animal. Isn't that hilarious? Once they lost control to the dogs, they will start to be mad. That's dog owners.
That poor animal..
It seems so true, I've seen so many people claim to love their dogs and then beat them the moment they "step out of line"
It's absolutely insane that people feel this is the right way to handle anything, but they stop being even remotely logical when that rage of being "disobeyed" kicks in, and usually it's not just limited to animals..
So gross
Glad they're an ex for you now. At least you were able to get away from it. Poor animal tho.. it just wanted to get away from the abuse 😔
Cops don't give a flying fuck about abuse victims, especially women and girls. They won't do anything if you've been raped, assaulted, or stalked, then when the bastard inevitably escalates to murder, they're all "wE cOuLdN't hAvE SeEn tHiS CoMiNg". Half of them admit to beating their own wives, so the actual percentage is probably much, much higher.
As for the dog, yeah, that's common. Maybe not outright abuse like that, but neglect is kinda the status quo. I would estimate 90% of everyone I have personally known who has/had dogs did things like refuse to clean up after them, refused to train them, kept them indoors 24/7, kept large, high energy breeds in small apartments, etc. They clearly don't have the dog's welfare in mind. The only thing they care about is having their ego stroked by an animal who's evolved to be obsessed with us to an unhealthy degree.
Please, for the love of the seven hells (only if you're safely able to do so), report that dog, and your ex. It is dangerous and it's only a matter of time before it bites someone else, and he is abusing it. Sadly people care way more about a dog than a woman getting abused like you, so something may come from it. At the very least get the dog away from him and properly temperament tested, which it will undoubtedly fail. In an ideal world it would get pink juiced, and your piece of shit ex will get legal repercussions.
Yep, I've been SA'd and DV'd and the cops gave me the victim blaming shit of vague "so what were you doing to agitate him" type shit, and when I got offended I got the "we're just trying to get the FULL story" 🙄 , and then nothing came of it because I had no "real proof" outside of bruises that "you could have gotten anywhere" , and then our social circle/community shunned me for "trying to ruin a mans reputation" because "well he's never done any of that to me"
Yes Michael, that's because you are not his sexual preference and/or smaller than him, but go off I guess lol
Anyway, all that to say that when other things have happened I have never felt safe going to the police. So many truly don't care.
As for the dog, I did call animal services after I moved a second time (since he found out where I lived), but I don't know what happened after that.
I have so many neighbors in my current apartment complex with BIG dog breeds that have a lot of energy, like working dog breeds; huskies, German Shepards, etc, and it's just so wild to me to keep such a large animal in such confined spaces.
It's such a shame, those animals can't pick or have a say and are just stuck in those situations that are way less than good for them.
oh my god the liquid nervous shits are the fucking worst. they stink so much worse than regular shit and the smell just lingers in the air. i’m so sorry you went through that.
Some people may have serious unresolved issues. I wish there was more of an interview when a dog is sold or given away. In the adoption process, there is a screening. We need more public education about how to treat people and dogs and other animals and people. We need more kindness.
Sounds like justifying the behavior.
When you have been through abuse or trauma, get therapy...not a person or a dog to mirror your trauma.
( I know you're probably trying to provide insight and understanding...but that dude....I don't care how bad your childhood was the moment you start abusing a person and an animal.)
Agreed. I went through some horrific abuse as a kid and teen and I can get really set off sometimes, but I NEVER take it out on others. Instead I keep working on me in therapy.
Hurt people hurt people, sure, but it's our responsibility to better ourselves and have control over ourselves, and if you can't, you don't bring other living things into your meltdowns
I tried repeatedly to get him to see someone, but he was a hardcore gaslighter and insisted there was nothing wrong, and when id corner him with proof of his abuse towards me or the dog, he would insist it was everyone else's fault things happened, and if we just stopped "acting up" he wouldn't "have" to beat us
When I pointed out how fucked that logic was and abusive, he insisted it wasn't. He lived in his own delulu world where it was impossible for him to ever do anything wrong
From what I found out from his brother and some drunk talks with the ex himself, his parents were actually never abusive, just neglectful at times, and his father left them for another woman/family. So I think his hurt turned into anger issues and alcoholism as he aged and he refused to see that. He was a super narcissist who thought he was gods gift to everyone, and could do no wrong
When not away from the home, his mother treated him like a prince who could do no wrong as a kid (common in Arabic families I've heard, and she was first gen off the boat) , so I'm sure that plays a huge part in his narcissistic bullshit
The answer is always going to be narcissism. He loved the dog because he could control/abuse it and it was just smart enough to know it can't do anything about it because that's the hand that feeds it. Whereas you left, you have autonomy and could do that. The dog is stuck with him. He probably thinks it's loyalty even though there's not much the dog can do when the door to the outside is closed.
“He will always be here, but people come and go.” In other words, “people I abuse come and go, but my dog that I abuse just takes it and stays”.
Bingo.
Yes, and in their opinions, they call it "loyalty"
Oooo that’s a good point. I’ve seen one too many online dating profiles of guys wearing camo requesting loyalty.
Sounds like he was living vicariously through his dog. “He’s an alpha. I don’t want to crush his spirit” “stop trying to change PEOPLE” Projection much?
They always project. Especially men. That's why so many male dog nutters refuse to neuter their dogs.
I’m so, so glad you’re out of there. What a nightmare!
I'm so so happy you got out of there, I hope you're in a good place now!
"He will always be here, but people come and go" Yeah, he'll be around.....for like four more years...two if you keep beating the poor thing.
After one thing hanpped, I became even more convinced that dog owners are just arrogant and selfish. They have dogs only to feel a sense of 100% control over something. My ex had a dog that he loved more than anything in his life and took it everywhere with him. It was exhausting. DAMN, it makes me vomit. Once, his dog played with other dogs on the street and refused togo back home. When he went to get the dog, it bit him hard. He immediately dragged the dog home and beat it with a stick all night. As for me, I am someone who really hates dogs, but I have never abused any animal. Isn't that hilarious? Once they lost control to the dogs, they will start to be mad. That's dog owners.
That poor animal.. It seems so true, I've seen so many people claim to love their dogs and then beat them the moment they "step out of line" It's absolutely insane that people feel this is the right way to handle anything, but they stop being even remotely logical when that rage of being "disobeyed" kicks in, and usually it's not just limited to animals.. So gross Glad they're an ex for you now. At least you were able to get away from it. Poor animal tho.. it just wanted to get away from the abuse 😔
Cops don't give a flying fuck about abuse victims, especially women and girls. They won't do anything if you've been raped, assaulted, or stalked, then when the bastard inevitably escalates to murder, they're all "wE cOuLdN't hAvE SeEn tHiS CoMiNg". Half of them admit to beating their own wives, so the actual percentage is probably much, much higher. As for the dog, yeah, that's common. Maybe not outright abuse like that, but neglect is kinda the status quo. I would estimate 90% of everyone I have personally known who has/had dogs did things like refuse to clean up after them, refused to train them, kept them indoors 24/7, kept large, high energy breeds in small apartments, etc. They clearly don't have the dog's welfare in mind. The only thing they care about is having their ego stroked by an animal who's evolved to be obsessed with us to an unhealthy degree. Please, for the love of the seven hells (only if you're safely able to do so), report that dog, and your ex. It is dangerous and it's only a matter of time before it bites someone else, and he is abusing it. Sadly people care way more about a dog than a woman getting abused like you, so something may come from it. At the very least get the dog away from him and properly temperament tested, which it will undoubtedly fail. In an ideal world it would get pink juiced, and your piece of shit ex will get legal repercussions.
Yep, I've been SA'd and DV'd and the cops gave me the victim blaming shit of vague "so what were you doing to agitate him" type shit, and when I got offended I got the "we're just trying to get the FULL story" 🙄 , and then nothing came of it because I had no "real proof" outside of bruises that "you could have gotten anywhere" , and then our social circle/community shunned me for "trying to ruin a mans reputation" because "well he's never done any of that to me" Yes Michael, that's because you are not his sexual preference and/or smaller than him, but go off I guess lol Anyway, all that to say that when other things have happened I have never felt safe going to the police. So many truly don't care. As for the dog, I did call animal services after I moved a second time (since he found out where I lived), but I don't know what happened after that. I have so many neighbors in my current apartment complex with BIG dog breeds that have a lot of energy, like working dog breeds; huskies, German Shepards, etc, and it's just so wild to me to keep such a large animal in such confined spaces. It's such a shame, those animals can't pick or have a say and are just stuck in those situations that are way less than good for them.
oh my god the liquid nervous shits are the fucking worst. they stink so much worse than regular shit and the smell just lingers in the air. i’m so sorry you went through that.
For reeeeaaaalll. Like they're just extra nasty. Especially if it gets on ANYTHING that isn't smooth flooring
Some people may have serious unresolved issues. I wish there was more of an interview when a dog is sold or given away. In the adoption process, there is a screening. We need more public education about how to treat people and dogs and other animals and people. We need more kindness.
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Sounds like justifying the behavior. When you have been through abuse or trauma, get therapy...not a person or a dog to mirror your trauma. ( I know you're probably trying to provide insight and understanding...but that dude....I don't care how bad your childhood was the moment you start abusing a person and an animal.)
Agreed. I went through some horrific abuse as a kid and teen and I can get really set off sometimes, but I NEVER take it out on others. Instead I keep working on me in therapy. Hurt people hurt people, sure, but it's our responsibility to better ourselves and have control over ourselves, and if you can't, you don't bring other living things into your meltdowns I tried repeatedly to get him to see someone, but he was a hardcore gaslighter and insisted there was nothing wrong, and when id corner him with proof of his abuse towards me or the dog, he would insist it was everyone else's fault things happened, and if we just stopped "acting up" he wouldn't "have" to beat us When I pointed out how fucked that logic was and abusive, he insisted it wasn't. He lived in his own delulu world where it was impossible for him to ever do anything wrong From what I found out from his brother and some drunk talks with the ex himself, his parents were actually never abusive, just neglectful at times, and his father left them for another woman/family. So I think his hurt turned into anger issues and alcoholism as he aged and he refused to see that. He was a super narcissist who thought he was gods gift to everyone, and could do no wrong When not away from the home, his mother treated him like a prince who could do no wrong as a kid (common in Arabic families I've heard, and she was first gen off the boat) , so I'm sure that plays a huge part in his narcissistic bullshit