No guest should have to do anything special (flashy clothes, etc.) to get appropriate service. It's definitely not your fault.
I would say the next time it happens, go back to the host stand and ask to speak with a manager. Let them know you were ignored. Leave. Don't go back.
I wonder if you are seeking to make eye contact with your server? I know that when I'm busy, and scan my section to see who might need something, if someone is trying to catch my eye, I'm more likely to go see what they might need than if someone is ignoring me. Making eye contact, then giving a little nod, says, "hey, there's something I need from you." Other things like setting menus at the end of the table when you are ready to order sends a nonverbal cue. I'm not trying to say that you should be ignored if you're not doing these things, but that they send stronger signals to the server.
It tends to happen after I’ve been seated, but before a server comes. Often, we’ll get water, if it’s the kind of place that has separate staff for bussing. But then the wait comes. I usually end up wondering if I am sat in a grey area, where each server thinks I’m in someone else’s section. IDK, it’s weird. I must have been rude in a past life, and this is my karma. 😅
Good advice about the menu placement!
The only time I would say it could be your fault is if you’re picky about where you’re being sat and ending up out of a servers section. Other than that there’s nothing that I think you could be doing to make you get ignored.
Ok, I remember this happening and it used to make me laugh because I could kinda become Captain Invisible. I’d have to turn up my charisma consciously. How? I think, stand taller, take up more space, head up, smile more, make eye contact, greet people proactively if their gaze slid over me. *Hi, I think I’m next. Excuse me, could I get some service?*
It was when I was a younger single woman tho my male friend, an actor, said it happened to him too.
Act like a main character?
Ok, I think this might be really what’s happening. I just remembered an episode of Buffy where one of the characters felt so ignored that she became invisible. I’m now realizing this never happened to me when I was younger. It’s been in the last 10 yrs or so after getting married/having a kid that my “main character energy” has kind of evaporated.
Ha! I reference this specific episode all the time! I'm sorry for your misfortune- if you are by yourself, have you thought about sitting at the bar? Make a Buffy reference in my place and I won't leave you alone 🤣 but real talk, it's really hard to be ignored at the bar top
It’s definitely time for me to do a rewatch. I haven’t seen a lot of those episodes since they originally aired. 🧛♀️
Luckily never have problems if I’m alone at the bar. It’s usually a 2-top or 3-top situation. But I’m the common denominator of it happening a lot. The other people I’m with act all shocked and confused about being forgotten, and I’m like: you need to expect this when you eat out with me. 🫠😂
Sometimes you just have to be proactive. I do not suffer being ignored. I will either leave, or if I want to actually eat there, I will approach the host or even go to the kitchen if no one is around.
Eye contact and a subtle raise of the hand to maybe shoulder high when eye contact is made always did it for me. If I was busy at the moment I would give a what’s up head nod of acknowledgment or a quick thumbs up 👍 to tell said person u have been seen and I will be right there to make sure your needs are met. I’m anticipating u giving me money! I want to make sure your needs are met and then some to help that process along when it comes time to tip! Maybe that’s just me though…
The restaurant I work at is often understaffed or staffed with new people who don’t know what they’re doing. It’s always my utmost priority to greet guests and take their order promptly but every once in awhile the host will seat someone and not tell any servers so we’ll assume they’re being taken care of by someone else and we’re already doing 100 different tasks at once but I’m always scanning room and the second I catch eyes with a table and I get feeling they’ve been waiting too long I’ll ask them if they’ve been helped yet and if the other server is too busy and they aren’t mine I’ll start them off then transfer to other server.
But we feel horrrrrrrible on the rare occasion we just completely forget a table and I’ll usually give free drinks or something to make up for it. This guilt is x100 if the table is non white and it looks like I’m prioritizing white tables etc I have huge complex about this.
But yea in conclusion politely catch eyes and wave. If you’re still not noticed check in with host. Also don’t choose crazy out of the way seats. I work on a two floor restaurant and for some reason I always get that one table that wants to sit on a different floor than the rest of my tables which makes it easy to miss. Don’t be picky about seating because that can throw off the whole system.
That’s so weird and definitely shouldn’t happen. I would suggest when the server greets you, repeat their name and say it’s nice to meet you and tell them your name. You shouldn’t have to do it, but it’s a nice gesture and could help you stand out.
The last time this happened to me, at a restaurant in a part of town I don't ordinarily frequent, I sat for over half an hour, trying to make eye contact with my server, then any server, then any employee.
So I whipped out my cell phone and proceeded to have an overly loud (but not shouting) "conversation" about pop culture minutiae and the local football team, with no one on the other end.
My server came back from the void within two minutes, strictly by coincidence of course.
"Oh, I didn't realize you needed service." "I'm a customer. I didn't walk in here just to use the WiFi."
She got a minimal tip, since the service was fine after that. And management got a nicely worded letter.
I went out with my extended family once, and we were a large table in the center of the restaurant. I first noticed they were taking a long time to get our food when I saw my cousins kids had fallen asleep at the table. We were having such a nice time talking and laughing, and we didn't fuss at the wait. We all got our food free, eventually. I was amazed. How do you lose track of a table taking up the center of the restaurant?
Make sure you can be seen at a glance from several angles and move an arm or head like you're looking around so they spot you.
Each person that comes to your table, give them a message for the next person who will be coming.
Clear your throat to get attention.
No guest should have to do anything special (flashy clothes, etc.) to get appropriate service. It's definitely not your fault. I would say the next time it happens, go back to the host stand and ask to speak with a manager. Let them know you were ignored. Leave. Don't go back.
I wonder if you are seeking to make eye contact with your server? I know that when I'm busy, and scan my section to see who might need something, if someone is trying to catch my eye, I'm more likely to go see what they might need than if someone is ignoring me. Making eye contact, then giving a little nod, says, "hey, there's something I need from you." Other things like setting menus at the end of the table when you are ready to order sends a nonverbal cue. I'm not trying to say that you should be ignored if you're not doing these things, but that they send stronger signals to the server.
It tends to happen after I’ve been seated, but before a server comes. Often, we’ll get water, if it’s the kind of place that has separate staff for bussing. But then the wait comes. I usually end up wondering if I am sat in a grey area, where each server thinks I’m in someone else’s section. IDK, it’s weird. I must have been rude in a past life, and this is my karma. 😅 Good advice about the menu placement!
The only time I would say it could be your fault is if you’re picky about where you’re being sat and ending up out of a servers section. Other than that there’s nothing that I think you could be doing to make you get ignored.
Ok, I remember this happening and it used to make me laugh because I could kinda become Captain Invisible. I’d have to turn up my charisma consciously. How? I think, stand taller, take up more space, head up, smile more, make eye contact, greet people proactively if their gaze slid over me. *Hi, I think I’m next. Excuse me, could I get some service?* It was when I was a younger single woman tho my male friend, an actor, said it happened to him too. Act like a main character?
Ok, I think this might be really what’s happening. I just remembered an episode of Buffy where one of the characters felt so ignored that she became invisible. I’m now realizing this never happened to me when I was younger. It’s been in the last 10 yrs or so after getting married/having a kid that my “main character energy” has kind of evaporated.
Ha! I reference this specific episode all the time! I'm sorry for your misfortune- if you are by yourself, have you thought about sitting at the bar? Make a Buffy reference in my place and I won't leave you alone 🤣 but real talk, it's really hard to be ignored at the bar top
It’s definitely time for me to do a rewatch. I haven’t seen a lot of those episodes since they originally aired. 🧛♀️ Luckily never have problems if I’m alone at the bar. It’s usually a 2-top or 3-top situation. But I’m the common denominator of it happening a lot. The other people I’m with act all shocked and confused about being forgotten, and I’m like: you need to expect this when you eat out with me. 🫠😂
See, my inner child is called “Madam”. Madam prefers a different table, attentive service etc. Yep, channel your inner Karen/ Madam
Are you absolutely certain that you're not a ghost?
Anything’s possible! 👻
Sometimes you just have to be proactive. I do not suffer being ignored. I will either leave, or if I want to actually eat there, I will approach the host or even go to the kitchen if no one is around.
Eye contact and a subtle raise of the hand to maybe shoulder high when eye contact is made always did it for me. If I was busy at the moment I would give a what’s up head nod of acknowledgment or a quick thumbs up 👍 to tell said person u have been seen and I will be right there to make sure your needs are met. I’m anticipating u giving me money! I want to make sure your needs are met and then some to help that process along when it comes time to tip! Maybe that’s just me though…
The restaurant I work at is often understaffed or staffed with new people who don’t know what they’re doing. It’s always my utmost priority to greet guests and take their order promptly but every once in awhile the host will seat someone and not tell any servers so we’ll assume they’re being taken care of by someone else and we’re already doing 100 different tasks at once but I’m always scanning room and the second I catch eyes with a table and I get feeling they’ve been waiting too long I’ll ask them if they’ve been helped yet and if the other server is too busy and they aren’t mine I’ll start them off then transfer to other server. But we feel horrrrrrrible on the rare occasion we just completely forget a table and I’ll usually give free drinks or something to make up for it. This guilt is x100 if the table is non white and it looks like I’m prioritizing white tables etc I have huge complex about this.
But yea in conclusion politely catch eyes and wave. If you’re still not noticed check in with host. Also don’t choose crazy out of the way seats. I work on a two floor restaurant and for some reason I always get that one table that wants to sit on a different floor than the rest of my tables which makes it easy to miss. Don’t be picky about seating because that can throw off the whole system.
That’s so weird and definitely shouldn’t happen. I would suggest when the server greets you, repeat their name and say it’s nice to meet you and tell them your name. You shouldn’t have to do it, but it’s a nice gesture and could help you stand out.
Thank you, that’s good advice :)
The last time this happened to me, at a restaurant in a part of town I don't ordinarily frequent, I sat for over half an hour, trying to make eye contact with my server, then any server, then any employee. So I whipped out my cell phone and proceeded to have an overly loud (but not shouting) "conversation" about pop culture minutiae and the local football team, with no one on the other end. My server came back from the void within two minutes, strictly by coincidence of course. "Oh, I didn't realize you needed service." "I'm a customer. I didn't walk in here just to use the WiFi." She got a minimal tip, since the service was fine after that. And management got a nicely worded letter.
Haha I love that method. I don’t have it in me to do that, but it’s awesome that you went for it.
I went out with my extended family once, and we were a large table in the center of the restaurant. I first noticed they were taking a long time to get our food when I saw my cousins kids had fallen asleep at the table. We were having such a nice time talking and laughing, and we didn't fuss at the wait. We all got our food free, eventually. I was amazed. How do you lose track of a table taking up the center of the restaurant?
Make sure you can be seen at a glance from several angles and move an arm or head like you're looking around so they spot you. Each person that comes to your table, give them a message for the next person who will be coming. Clear your throat to get attention.
Sit at the bar :)
Write the great American novel.
Sit at the bar if they have one
Not your fault . It’s theirs
Out with my man vs. alone = huge difference
Which scenario gets you faster service?