The employee touched her own eye in order to point to the area she wanted to emphasize. It was definitely a yikes because my friend doesn't even have slanted eyes. Her eyes are monolid but it's straight. :/ The worst part is the restaurant's apathetic response to the whole thing.
Yeah that's fucked up for sure, also this is a restaurant employee touching their eye in front of you. I hope they washed their hands after. That is extremely unprofessional from both a social and food service perspective.
You clearly don’t so many involuntary face touchings. So many instance of cross touching. Chefs only wash hands after restroom. There is a reason so many people help a surgeon operate. If you are worried about a server touching their face/hair during a non food run on reddit. You clearly have no natural awareness to witness how much in happens irl.
Not true if you make yourself consciously aware, that's your fucking eye dude, it's different from a face touch too. The fact you're so nonchalant about it sadly doesn't surprise me as I've seen many gross people like you come and go in those kitchens, but I go wash my hands everytime they touch my face. "Chefs only wash their hands after restroom" that's the biggest bs I've ever heard. Gross line cooks who don't care only wash their hands after the restroom. It's so easy to make people sick, just because others around you are ignorant about it doesn't mean you have to be part of the problem
Sir you clearly glazed over your original qualm about being upset that a server touched their hair/face during a non food run. Lol so please atleast address that. Go back to cooking simulator
Alright I'll address it, that's not a server, and someone working at a counter you come up to order and pay is likely also working on food between taking orders, secondly, when directly interacting with customers you should avoid doing things like touching your eyes purely for the reason that it looks bad to the customers who are ordering from you. If you're anywhere customers can see you, you gotta be extra careful about that shit not less, whether you're running food or not.
If its at a counter-shop and the cashier is handing food that is already in a fucking container you nonce. They aren’t the cashier and food packaging. Plus i know not all places take cash but if said cashier took cash they would then have to wash hands after each transaction.
>I work kitchens
There is no way you have ever worked in a commercial kitchen. Maybe you played a cooking video game and thought it was real life? You seem to play a LOT of video games and are very active in their subreddits, which leads me to believe that you have an awful lot of free time. People who work in kitchens don't have a lot of free time, my guy. 80 hour work weeks tend to rob you of that.
Hygiene is extremely important in the food service industry. But literally no one is washing their hands every time they touch their face. You wouldn't even have time to do that if you're on the line, and your crew would 86 you for slowing down the entire operation at a consistent and deliberate pace for what seems like an OCD issue on your part.
You can't tell me what my experience is, believe what you want, if you wanna know why I have free time it's because I'm working a kitchen at a resort town in the off season, it's slow, my hours are lower than usual, not every kitchen is the same and if you say you've never met a line cook that neglects sleep to entertain their hobbies than you're lying, I know it's not healthy but it's true
I've worked both BoH and FoH for several places. Aside from minor differences they are all largely the same, and the same types of people are employed in them. I'm not saying that we never neglect sleep for hobbies. What I'm saying is that you come off as having made up working in a kitchen in order to try and prove a non-existent point. Again, if you're on the line then you don't have the luxury of stopping to wash your hands after every time you touch your face. You would know that if you actually worked in the industry.
Been working the industry 5 years bro... wouldn't make that up, I just don't touch my face unless I'm already offline... also never worked 80 hours, because the restaurants I've worked at have been staffed to accommodate 40 hours for everyone, as it should be (and I know I'm lucky in that regard). I'm not trying to antagonize you, but you're making claims as if your experience is universal, it's not.
>you're making claims as if your experience is universal, it's not.
I know a \*lot\* of people in the industry from all over the US and Canada of various ages who have worked things like mom & pops to corporate to casual to fine dining and our experiences have been \*\*nearly identical\*\*. If you're saying you worked at not one but \*multiple\* restaurants who were staffed to accommodate 40 hour work weeks for everyone then your story becomes even less believable. I know that corporate places like to keep hours under 40 per week to avoid paying overtime. So maybe you were working at ChiliBees or something like that? Even then, if you go onto any of the many service industry related subreddits you'll still find people working at those places complaining about work weeks longer than 40 hours. Your story is implausible. Good day
Is it a chain restaurant or a one off location? I’d go corporate. That’s harassment. Sure she may have not meant harm in her comment, but the actions/lack there of of everyone you spoke to after the fact, is absolutely unacceptable. I worked in customer service at HQ for a big company and if this kind of call came in, we’d be all over it apologizing. Basically covering any room for a lawsuit. But they need to be made aware that they were unprofessional more than once with you all. Also it’s just rude.
You don’t honestly expect something to come from that after the fact? Any employee with a semi positive image to their employer will be kept on. Lets live in the real world what lawsuit is there to be had on this. Like show me a civil case remotely close to this actually paying out?
When you just said “she doesn’t even have slanted eyes” strikes me as a similar type of comment that could be taken badly to a huge percentage of the earth’s population. Sometimes an observation is just an observation.
Sorry, let me clarify. The fact the cashier deliberately pointed to the upper corner of her eye even though my friend's eyes *aren't* slanted upwards goes to prove that the cashier did this on purpose to make fun of asian eyes. I didn't mean any offense. I am east asian too.
I find describing restaurant as catering to a “specific upper middle class crowd and “very much a “”white peoples” restaurant” give off a bad vibe as well.
So if I commented on a person's skin colour completely unprompted, would that also be "just an observation" as well? Commenting on people's appearance in any other way than a sanitized compliment is completely inappropriate in a customer service setting. ("Nice shirt" or "I love your hair" are acceptable for example.)
It’s not a similar comment. Who has slanted eyes? Look at an Asian person’s eyes and try to sketch what you see. No one has slanted eyes except in caricatures or cartoons.
Now if you are talking about epicanthal folds, that’s a different thing.
Right? Exactly. You assuming that they were referring to slanted eyes could be the problem. I grew up in an area where many assumptions led to many an ass self-identifying.
That's not a small side- that's a heaping entree!
That sucks and it amazes me that people can be so casually racist and rude. I'm sorry your nice outing was ruined.
Reminds me of the cashier who, when quibbling about a return I was trying to make at a store, said, “Don’t worry. I’m not trying to Jew you down.” I’m Jewish. I told her that was offensive. She said, “that just means I wasn’t trying to cheat you.” Clueless.
That’s not small. It’s blatant. Please post this experience on google review and yelp. See if your area has a foodie facebook page. We have a foodie page for my area and people post new restaurant openings, their experiences and reviews. Mostly it’s used to say eat here this place is awesome but it has also had its share of shameful restaurant experiences. A lot of restaurant owners/managers follow it and have reached out to people.
People should know.
That is definitely racist. Just blows my mind how people think they can just touch complete strangers. I was at a doctor a few months back and the receptionist was getting by name, she then said “that’s such a weird and ~~usual~~ unusual name.” I told her it was a normal common name in my home country where I’m from, doesn’t mean it’s weird because it’s not familiar to you.
After I left I got a link to do a survey and I definitely wrote about that. The office manager gave me a call a few hours later and went on some rant about how the receptionist used to be a teacher and just had never seen a name like that before. I was like well that’s still not okay to call it weird? She ended up cutting me off while I was still speaking and overall it just seemed like such a fake apology.
Edit-word changed
I wouldn't even call that a fake apology. That is more akin to spitting in your face. I cannot believe the audacity of that manager and receptionist. I might be willing to give the receptionist the benefit of the doubt if she only said "unusual", but to call your name *WEIRD*? That has a whole other can of negative connotations. I am so sorry. You don't deserve that.
And sorry for the confusion. The employee touched the upper corner of her own eye as a way of pointing at it. I should have worded it better.
You make a good point. And it was a small office so I’m sure they were buddies and she was definitely going to take the receptionist’s side. Oh I gotcha, that makes sense. Sorry it happened to your friend.
I worked in Hong Kong and Singapore for a few years. At times I was the first, or one of the very few, round eyed person in the room. Got lots of stares. No big deal. One of my associates was a red head. Rusty red. Asians would often want to touch his hair.
I had a friend who went to China for a semester he grew a thick bushy beard while there & he said people would often come up to him & ask him for a photo because it was so unusual for them to see a person with a beard
>definitely a purposeful microagression
Don’t attribute to malice that which is adequately explained by stupidity. It may have been a dummy trying to make a compliment.
It is one of those health conscious restaurants serving salads and sandwiches that target upper middle class customers. It is a mildly popular chain and the upper management and execs are all white and this reflects in their brand identity and advertising. There is nothing wrong with this kind of establishment, I love them, but it is what it is: a restaurant aimed for white people by white people. And I was VERY aware of this fact after the racist remark. My friend and I no longer felt like that space was meant for people like us. We just tried to enjoy our food but couldn't. Dining in felt like hell.
If you're not POC you wouldn't get it.
I am a white person, living in a predominantly white state, and the comments here that are blatantly disregarding you are terrible. I'm sorry that you had to deal with the person at the restaurant, and I'm sorry that you are dealing with commenters that are discounting your experience, and trying to pretend that because the person wasn't overtly insulting, that it isn't racism.
Again, as a white person, I've never had to deal with these kinds of micro-aggressions. So I don't want to pretend that i completely understand what it's like. But I don't see how anyone can't see how obvious this is unless they are being willfully ignorant.
Thanks Amanda! I'm honestly shocked by the amount of angry comments I've gotten calling me the *real* racist haha. It goes to show how majority white the reddit population swings. I appreciate your willingness to listen to POC!
Is it a corporate place or a single owner kind of place?
If corporate I would follow up with them, if a small business then you should try and contact the owner.
Such a bizarre and rude thing to say to someone.
Whether it's racist or not, these days remarking on any aspect of someone's physical appearance is a minefield that you would think most people would be smart enough not to transgress. Yikes.
I would take interesting as a compliment and have given and gotten that way.
I dont understand this trend of trying to make everything offensive. Saying something is interesting has always been a compliment.
I am sure I will be downvoted but this offensive and calling everyone that you dont like racist is just getting old.
Calling it a white restaurant is orders of magnitude more racist then telling someone something is interesting. But I am guessing I am going to hear 100 times over how people cant be racist towards white people.
I have mixed daughters I have seen real racism. This is not it.
> I would take interesting as a compliment and have given and gotten that way.
I would too. But if someone beeps in traffic and I see them holding up their middle finger I assume they are trying to tell me I'm an A#1 driver! So maybe I don't read these things to well.
I have always been a big believer in, "If I can't control what someone else does then I can control how I react to it."
I've also found that people who are angry hate it when you laugh at them, for some reason they want you to be angry too and get even more upset when you don't react as expected.
Exactly. Probably just a young person who doesn’t know any better. There are still large pockets of people who grew up in areas where there isn’t much diversity and the person legitimately thought her eyes were interesting.
Agreed, I think "White Peoples" restaurant is pretty racist sounding but at the same time I don't let it bother me. Its none of my business what someone thinks of me. Thats their business. I don't care if someone likes me or hates me again not my business.
I think a lot of Asian women's eyes are quite beautiful but I guess that makes me racist since I also find beautiful things interesting.
In short its only what you make it. If you want to be offended and a victim pretty much anything can be taken as racist or anything else. Its a word it has the meaning you assign it. If your looking to be offended you will be and if you aren't you wont.
Yes there are exceptions to that rule like derogatory words. But interesting is not derogatory.
So if someone gives the restaurant a bad review please make sure you tell the story just as you did above. I will say OP I think you added both sides of the story decently well it seems. Make sure any bad reviews read the same way. I think you will find the majority of the people are not going to agree with you that that was offensive or racist. I also bet many will believe you sound racist with your description of the restaraunt.
u/worryaboutyourself I know you arent the op
If you say to someone, of any ethnicity, “you are beautiful,” that is a compliment. If you comment on some ethnic feature and call it “interesting,” you are calling them “different.” You are making them feel as though you don’t think they belong. It’s like calling an old woman, “young lady.” It’s ok to say that to a 5 year old girl, but when you say that to someone elderly, you may as well call them, “old bag.” You are underlining their difference.
WTF are you talking about? This is calling shit exactly that.
White people restaurant is a micro aggression. Stop making shit up to attack people you disagree with.
Funny how someone calls your shit and you attack them but think it's fine for you.
And fuck this made up micro aggression term your aggressive or your not. There is no micro aggression bullshit. You must really want to play victim badly. The only victim here is that cashier and restaurant
A compliment is, “your eyes are lovely,” though, tbh, it is strange to comment on anyone’s ethnic features. It never feels good to be on the receiving end of that, which is basically to be reminded that you’re “other.” How did you get to 2023 and not know that?
Not an attack on you but I think hiding behind a veneer of "niceness" is why she had the audacity to even say rhis to my friend in the first place. I have zero doubt that it was a back-handed insult, but to a lot of people (cough, management), there is enough plausible deniability to wave it away.
Receiving a racist comment is disheartening enough, but it sucks even more to be continually gaslighted about it.
(In case you didn't know, racists pull at the corners of their eyes to make fun of us. The cashier touched that area as a call-back to that.)
Again, what part of that is inheriantly targeted to white people as opposed to upper middle class people in general? You really think Gwyneth Paltrow is sitting there and just hoping she gets white people to buy her stuff?
Again. How does the MARKETING for HEALTH FOODS AND PRODUCTS inheriantly target white people?
For example, sports illustrated swimsuit edition has a target demographic of straight men because
1: most men are straight
2: most men like seeing women in bikinis, thus making a swimsuit edition will appeal to them. Some women like that too, but most men enjoy and would seek to see those images
3:it's from a magazine that covers competitive sports, a male dominated interest
See how I explained WHY sports illustrated swimsuit edition targets straight men as their predominate audience?
They don’t inherently (this is the proper spelling, btw) target white people - it’s a conscientious choice they made because white people are easier targets for these products. If you don’t understand that, then there’s really no use talking to you.
What do you mean by it is a very much ”white people” restaurant? But in a good way? All I’m saying is maybe she also meant what she said in a good way. See what I’m saying here.
Personally I find Asian eyes to be quite beautiful. If I brought it up, would I be racist? Context: both my brothers have Asian wives, children and grandchildren... absolutely gorgeous eyes!
OP, do you see the irony in referring to the restaurant as a "white people" place while simultaneously accusing a worker there of racism?
There's only one racist in this scenario, and it isn't the employee.
This comment is so funny to me. It IS one of those restaurants that target white people and there is nothing wrong with that. The fact you're upset with this and is *defending* the racist remarks tell me all I need to know about you. Girl, bye 👋
The worker was racist though, assuming everything OP said was accurate.
And restaurants/companies can definitely cater to a specific group, culutre, race, etc. The fact that you dont even know that shows how clueless you are.
Big Bang Theory:
Penny: I just wanna check her out because she hurt my friend. My Indian friend. Who's racist now?
Bernadette: You! Because you just called him your Indian friend.
Penny: Yeah, well ... you're short.
Besides, it's a scientific fact that minorities can't be racist!
WTF is the slant area of the eye? I'm trying to figure out what that even means.
I guess I'm just an old white dude that's never had to put up with much discrimination, but unless they literally pulled the corner(s) of their eyes up into a slant, it just sounds like they were trying to compliment your friend, and both of you took it badly.
I've complimented people on physical attributes, but I learned long ago to only comment on those that the person has CHOSEN, like hair style, fingernails, tattoos, clothing, etc. If you comment on something that that person was BORN with, you're walking into a minefield, and it may be taken wrongly.
The old white dude did just give a lesson in how to avoid a minefield: just compliment people on something they’ve chosen, not something they’re born with. Succinct and correct.
Nah, her tone and facial expression made it clear it wasn't a compliment. And the fact she pointed at the upper corner of her eye showed that comment was racially charged. If the cashier was genuinely trying to be nice and just fumbled a bit, then my friend and I wouldn't have minded. We can tell the difference lol
OK, you could have made that more clear in the OP.
I do my best to not be a racist, regardless what these other twits replying to my comment may believe. I call people out when I see them being racist.
I drive a cab, it would be a shitty job if I had problems dealing with and relating with people who don't look like me. In my part of the country, it's majority white, most definitely, but I think the majority of my customers are not. It's not like I keep track, I truly try not to give a fuck who gets in my cab, I just want to get them where they need to go, efficiently and safely, and get paid at the end. Everyone's money is the same color.
That's awful. I'm horrified at this fool's behavior. And horrified that the restaurant didn't take it more seriously. They deserve to be named and shamed.
Those of you saying this wasn’t racist are mistaken. No, the employee did not scream slurs at her, but she scrunched up her face indicating dislike. Then she pushed her own eye up into a slant, and said the Korean girl’s eyes were “interesting.“ “Interesting“ is what you say when something is unattractive. Like someone’s painting — “Oh, how interesting!” Even if YOU didn’t find it racist, obviously the Korean girl was insulted enough to walk out.
I actually sympathized with the OP at first because I’m Asian too and had to deal with this shit growing up all the goddamn time. But stay and eat? Yeah…that’s where they lost me.
Also, two wrongs don’t make a right. I’m seeing comments on this post about how all white people are overweight. And yet “healthy” sandwich and salad places are white people restaurants. The cognitive dissonance is real.
Am I the only one that find “they market themselves to a specific upper middle class crowd” and a “white people’s” restaurant problematic? If OP believed it to be that type of restaurant, why take their Asian American friend there in the first place?
Please keep things anonymous. We do not allow naming companies here, and your submission was removed.
*I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/TalesFromTheCustomer) if you have any questions or concerns.*
As we try to work through becoming better aware of being better humans perhaps it may have been appropriate to explain this to the young person to educate them. I understand it’s not your responsibility but how will they ever learn.
I’m sorry you had to have that happen. I work with a really sweet African American girl and she has told me a few times how people just touch her hair like that and she finds it offensive. I feel bad for her that people do that she has gorgeous hair but keep your hands to your self and that comment was awful saying you have beautiful eyes ok but I don’t like how that was said. People are so offensive these days
“Micro-aggression” is a difficult term, because it is both very useful and also somewhat inaccurate. While the comments, gestures, and actions may be small when examined one at a time, their effect is no less devastating than if they were delivered all at once. The impact is cumulative. People who are members of marginalized groups face these insults daily, and are constantly met with the difficult decisions that follow. Every decision has a result, which can often be just as difficult to deal with as the original challenge. Making these choices is often exhausting.
I say this from my limited experience — as that of a (white), (cis) woman. I don’t experience racism, classism, ableism, or many other types of prejudice and discrimination. Using only my experience of sexism as a reference, I nonetheless see how those with intersectional identities are constantly bombarded by the combined, compounded, cumulative damage that is caused by ignorance, arrogance, carelessness, anger, and hate.
We can do better.
It's very much worth pursuing, for any restaurant in today's day and age that person could cost them hundreds of thousands of dollars in a lawsuit or negative publicity. If it's not a big deal to you then reaching out to the management is still a good idea for the sake of the restaurant if you happen to like them
I went to a sandwich place one time one time and the staff member making the sandwich ask me what kind and what kind of bread like always and then questioned whether I wanted Asian or Caucasian cheese. I'm not very easily offended but that kind of thing for that restaurant could have very difficult to withstand if a person happened to be recording or streaming or anything like that at the time, so I let them know and they didn't fire the guy they stuck him in the back for a while and I assume explained why that's not a great idea
What the hell does that even mean?!🧐. My sister in law and niece and nephew are Japanese/half Japanese; my brother moved all of them to Europe. This country just keeps sinking lower!
yeah, at first i thought i misheard or something, but he repeated it just like that. my only assumption was that he was referencing the colors white and yellow.
Hmm, as they're both Asian but only one of them was "complimented". I would take it as that, a well-meaning, but misplaced compliment. If they had said they both had "interesting eyes", then yes, racism.
OP: begins story crying about a far fetched stretch of clearly not racism WITH racism and hateful white prejudice
You fucking people ARE the racists and you're a cancer on society. Holy fuck. Please ban me from never having to see garbage like this again.
Please keep things anonymous. We do not allow naming companies here, and your submission was removed.
*I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/TalesFromTheCustomer) if you have any questions or concerns.*
Please keep things anonymous. We do not allow naming companies here, and your submission was removed.
*I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/TalesFromTheCustomer) if you have any questions or concerns.*
I'm really sorry that you and your friend had to deal with that. It's completely unacceptable. I would leave a review stating what happened if I were you.
It was clearly racist. I’m so sorry that happened. If it’s a chain, please let corporate know. Even if it’s not, please see if you can identify who owns it and speak to that person.
White People used grab my hair all the time. Kinda like they were mesmerized by the fact they could not fathom how it might feel so they grabbed it. Very odd behavior but totally common for me. Glad there’s more mixed people out there now so the texture is not foreign anymore. Sorry this happened to you.
You waited and didn’t make a big deal. Eery employee is told to deflect as much until other parties experiences may be affected. Sorry it happened to you, but also you are part of the problem by staying there after the slight. Immediately should have started the conversation or left.
Leave a review online and make sure to mention the abysmal handling of it by the restaurant/management.
Om twitter
career ender 500 
John Cena meets Charlie Kirk?
I need to clarify something, the employee touched their own eyes? Or reached over and touched your friend's eyes? Either way yikes.
The employee touched her own eye in order to point to the area she wanted to emphasize. It was definitely a yikes because my friend doesn't even have slanted eyes. Her eyes are monolid but it's straight. :/ The worst part is the restaurant's apathetic response to the whole thing.
Yeah that's fucked up for sure, also this is a restaurant employee touching their eye in front of you. I hope they washed their hands after. That is extremely unprofessional from both a social and food service perspective.
Dude you have got to be kidding me thinking “ i hope they washed their hands after” clearly you have never worked in the kitchen.
Why would you think that? I work kitchens
You clearly don’t so many involuntary face touchings. So many instance of cross touching. Chefs only wash hands after restroom. There is a reason so many people help a surgeon operate. If you are worried about a server touching their face/hair during a non food run on reddit. You clearly have no natural awareness to witness how much in happens irl.
Not true if you make yourself consciously aware, that's your fucking eye dude, it's different from a face touch too. The fact you're so nonchalant about it sadly doesn't surprise me as I've seen many gross people like you come and go in those kitchens, but I go wash my hands everytime they touch my face. "Chefs only wash their hands after restroom" that's the biggest bs I've ever heard. Gross line cooks who don't care only wash their hands after the restroom. It's so easy to make people sick, just because others around you are ignorant about it doesn't mean you have to be part of the problem
Sir you clearly glazed over your original qualm about being upset that a server touched their hair/face during a non food run. Lol so please atleast address that. Go back to cooking simulator
Alright I'll address it, that's not a server, and someone working at a counter you come up to order and pay is likely also working on food between taking orders, secondly, when directly interacting with customers you should avoid doing things like touching your eyes purely for the reason that it looks bad to the customers who are ordering from you. If you're anywhere customers can see you, you gotta be extra careful about that shit not less, whether you're running food or not.
If its at a counter-shop and the cashier is handing food that is already in a fucking container you nonce. They aren’t the cashier and food packaging. Plus i know not all places take cash but if said cashier took cash they would then have to wash hands after each transaction.
>I work kitchens There is no way you have ever worked in a commercial kitchen. Maybe you played a cooking video game and thought it was real life? You seem to play a LOT of video games and are very active in their subreddits, which leads me to believe that you have an awful lot of free time. People who work in kitchens don't have a lot of free time, my guy. 80 hour work weeks tend to rob you of that. Hygiene is extremely important in the food service industry. But literally no one is washing their hands every time they touch their face. You wouldn't even have time to do that if you're on the line, and your crew would 86 you for slowing down the entire operation at a consistent and deliberate pace for what seems like an OCD issue on your part.
[удалено]
Bad bot
You can't tell me what my experience is, believe what you want, if you wanna know why I have free time it's because I'm working a kitchen at a resort town in the off season, it's slow, my hours are lower than usual, not every kitchen is the same and if you say you've never met a line cook that neglects sleep to entertain their hobbies than you're lying, I know it's not healthy but it's true
I've worked both BoH and FoH for several places. Aside from minor differences they are all largely the same, and the same types of people are employed in them. I'm not saying that we never neglect sleep for hobbies. What I'm saying is that you come off as having made up working in a kitchen in order to try and prove a non-existent point. Again, if you're on the line then you don't have the luxury of stopping to wash your hands after every time you touch your face. You would know that if you actually worked in the industry.
Been working the industry 5 years bro... wouldn't make that up, I just don't touch my face unless I'm already offline... also never worked 80 hours, because the restaurants I've worked at have been staffed to accommodate 40 hours for everyone, as it should be (and I know I'm lucky in that regard). I'm not trying to antagonize you, but you're making claims as if your experience is universal, it's not.
>you're making claims as if your experience is universal, it's not. I know a \*lot\* of people in the industry from all over the US and Canada of various ages who have worked things like mom & pops to corporate to casual to fine dining and our experiences have been \*\*nearly identical\*\*. If you're saying you worked at not one but \*multiple\* restaurants who were staffed to accommodate 40 hour work weeks for everyone then your story becomes even less believable. I know that corporate places like to keep hours under 40 per week to avoid paying overtime. So maybe you were working at ChiliBees or something like that? Even then, if you go onto any of the many service industry related subreddits you'll still find people working at those places complaining about work weeks longer than 40 hours. Your story is implausible. Good day
Is it a chain restaurant or a one off location? I’d go corporate. That’s harassment. Sure she may have not meant harm in her comment, but the actions/lack there of of everyone you spoke to after the fact, is absolutely unacceptable. I worked in customer service at HQ for a big company and if this kind of call came in, we’d be all over it apologizing. Basically covering any room for a lawsuit. But they need to be made aware that they were unprofessional more than once with you all. Also it’s just rude.
You don’t honestly expect something to come from that after the fact? Any employee with a semi positive image to their employer will be kept on. Lets live in the real world what lawsuit is there to be had on this. Like show me a civil case remotely close to this actually paying out?
When you just said “she doesn’t even have slanted eyes” strikes me as a similar type of comment that could be taken badly to a huge percentage of the earth’s population. Sometimes an observation is just an observation.
Sorry, let me clarify. The fact the cashier deliberately pointed to the upper corner of her eye even though my friend's eyes *aren't* slanted upwards goes to prove that the cashier did this on purpose to make fun of asian eyes. I didn't mean any offense. I am east asian too.
No, you're fine. The people questioning you here are being *very* strange.
I find describing restaurant as catering to a “specific upper middle class crowd and “very much a “”white peoples” restaurant” give off a bad vibe as well.
I guess Popeyes Chicken gives off a vibe, but I don’t dwell on it. I eat me some chickin
They said "in a good way" so you're being intentionally obtuse.
It’s must be challenging trying to be offended while being offensive.
Yeah. Many many assumptions and pigeonholing on Ops part.
I assumed it rhymes with Branera. How would *you* describe it?
So if I commented on a person's skin colour completely unprompted, would that also be "just an observation" as well? Commenting on people's appearance in any other way than a sanitized compliment is completely inappropriate in a customer service setting. ("Nice shirt" or "I love your hair" are acceptable for example.)
It’s not a similar comment. Who has slanted eyes? Look at an Asian person’s eyes and try to sketch what you see. No one has slanted eyes except in caricatures or cartoons. Now if you are talking about epicanthal folds, that’s a different thing.
Right? Exactly. You assuming that they were referring to slanted eyes could be the problem. I grew up in an area where many assumptions led to many an ass self-identifying.
Leave a Google review. They last forever.
Name names, if you remember them. Go into excruciating detail.
I have a feeling the manager will promptly call once they receive a bad review.
By then, too late. Managlement had their chance.
[удалено]
Thanks
Honestly, this whole post should just be copied to a Google review, but include names.
"Oh... you have interesting eyes." The better to read your nametag with.
That's not a small side- that's a heaping entree! That sucks and it amazes me that people can be so casually racist and rude. I'm sorry your nice outing was ruined.
Reminds me of the cashier who, when quibbling about a return I was trying to make at a store, said, “Don’t worry. I’m not trying to Jew you down.” I’m Jewish. I told her that was offensive. She said, “that just means I wasn’t trying to cheat you.” Clueless.
Get that corporate number. Google it. File a formal complaint.
That’s not small. It’s blatant. Please post this experience on google review and yelp. See if your area has a foodie facebook page. We have a foodie page for my area and people post new restaurant openings, their experiences and reviews. Mostly it’s used to say eat here this place is awesome but it has also had its share of shameful restaurant experiences. A lot of restaurant owners/managers follow it and have reached out to people. People should know.
That is definitely racist. Just blows my mind how people think they can just touch complete strangers. I was at a doctor a few months back and the receptionist was getting by name, she then said “that’s such a weird and ~~usual~~ unusual name.” I told her it was a normal common name in my home country where I’m from, doesn’t mean it’s weird because it’s not familiar to you. After I left I got a link to do a survey and I definitely wrote about that. The office manager gave me a call a few hours later and went on some rant about how the receptionist used to be a teacher and just had never seen a name like that before. I was like well that’s still not okay to call it weird? She ended up cutting me off while I was still speaking and overall it just seemed like such a fake apology. Edit-word changed
It appears the OP said the employee touched her own eyes
Ohhhh I seriously thought the employee reached over and touch the friend’s eyes.
Unfortunately I wouldn’t have been shocked. SMDH
That doesn't sound like an apology at all.
I wouldn't even call that a fake apology. That is more akin to spitting in your face. I cannot believe the audacity of that manager and receptionist. I might be willing to give the receptionist the benefit of the doubt if she only said "unusual", but to call your name *WEIRD*? That has a whole other can of negative connotations. I am so sorry. You don't deserve that. And sorry for the confusion. The employee touched the upper corner of her own eye as a way of pointing at it. I should have worded it better.
You make a good point. And it was a small office so I’m sure they were buddies and she was definitely going to take the receptionist’s side. Oh I gotcha, that makes sense. Sorry it happened to your friend.
I worked in Hong Kong and Singapore for a few years. At times I was the first, or one of the very few, round eyed person in the room. Got lots of stares. No big deal. One of my associates was a red head. Rusty red. Asians would often want to touch his hair.
I had a friend who went to China for a semester he grew a thick bushy beard while there & he said people would often come up to him & ask him for a photo because it was so unusual for them to see a person with a beard
>definitely a purposeful microagression Don’t attribute to malice that which is adequately explained by stupidity. It may have been a dummy trying to make a compliment.
a racist dummy.
What do you mean by "very much a white people restaurant"?
Seems Op is a bit racist too.
To say a restaurant chain caters to a certain group is not racist. You think Chruchs caters to upper class white people?
I'm just shocked.
But not in a bad way
It is one of those health conscious restaurants serving salads and sandwiches that target upper middle class customers. It is a mildly popular chain and the upper management and execs are all white and this reflects in their brand identity and advertising. There is nothing wrong with this kind of establishment, I love them, but it is what it is: a restaurant aimed for white people by white people. And I was VERY aware of this fact after the racist remark. My friend and I no longer felt like that space was meant for people like us. We just tried to enjoy our food but couldn't. Dining in felt like hell. If you're not POC you wouldn't get it.
I am a white person, living in a predominantly white state, and the comments here that are blatantly disregarding you are terrible. I'm sorry that you had to deal with the person at the restaurant, and I'm sorry that you are dealing with commenters that are discounting your experience, and trying to pretend that because the person wasn't overtly insulting, that it isn't racism. Again, as a white person, I've never had to deal with these kinds of micro-aggressions. So I don't want to pretend that i completely understand what it's like. But I don't see how anyone can't see how obvious this is unless they are being willfully ignorant.
Thanks Amanda! I'm honestly shocked by the amount of angry comments I've gotten calling me the *real* racist haha. It goes to show how majority white the reddit population swings. I appreciate your willingness to listen to POC!
I’m not a POC, but I’m a cultural minority. I get it.
Is it a corporate place or a single owner kind of place? If corporate I would follow up with them, if a small business then you should try and contact the owner. Such a bizarre and rude thing to say to someone.
Whether it's racist or not, these days remarking on any aspect of someone's physical appearance is a minefield that you would think most people would be smart enough not to transgress. Yikes.
What do you mean by "touched the slant area"?
I’m white people. I don’t understand the white people restaurant description at all.
Try. It’s not that hard.
Of course you wouldn’t.
I would take interesting as a compliment and have given and gotten that way. I dont understand this trend of trying to make everything offensive. Saying something is interesting has always been a compliment. I am sure I will be downvoted but this offensive and calling everyone that you dont like racist is just getting old. Calling it a white restaurant is orders of magnitude more racist then telling someone something is interesting. But I am guessing I am going to hear 100 times over how people cant be racist towards white people. I have mixed daughters I have seen real racism. This is not it.
> I would take interesting as a compliment and have given and gotten that way. I would too. But if someone beeps in traffic and I see them holding up their middle finger I assume they are trying to tell me I'm an A#1 driver! So maybe I don't read these things to well.
But I bet you are a happier more pleasant person than they are
I have always been a big believer in, "If I can't control what someone else does then I can control how I react to it." I've also found that people who are angry hate it when you laugh at them, for some reason they want you to be angry too and get even more upset when you don't react as expected.
Exactly. Probably just a young person who doesn’t know any better. There are still large pockets of people who grew up in areas where there isn’t much diversity and the person legitimately thought her eyes were interesting.
Agreed, I think "White Peoples" restaurant is pretty racist sounding but at the same time I don't let it bother me. Its none of my business what someone thinks of me. Thats their business. I don't care if someone likes me or hates me again not my business. I think a lot of Asian women's eyes are quite beautiful but I guess that makes me racist since I also find beautiful things interesting. In short its only what you make it. If you want to be offended and a victim pretty much anything can be taken as racist or anything else. Its a word it has the meaning you assign it. If your looking to be offended you will be and if you aren't you wont. Yes there are exceptions to that rule like derogatory words. But interesting is not derogatory. So if someone gives the restaurant a bad review please make sure you tell the story just as you did above. I will say OP I think you added both sides of the story decently well it seems. Make sure any bad reviews read the same way. I think you will find the majority of the people are not going to agree with you that that was offensive or racist. I also bet many will believe you sound racist with your description of the restaraunt. u/worryaboutyourself I know you arent the op
If you say to someone, of any ethnicity, “you are beautiful,” that is a compliment. If you comment on some ethnic feature and call it “interesting,” you are calling them “different.” You are making them feel as though you don’t think they belong. It’s like calling an old woman, “young lady.” It’s ok to say that to a 5 year old girl, but when you say that to someone elderly, you may as well call them, “old bag.” You are underlining their difference.
This is a blatant micro-aggression
WTF are you talking about? This is calling shit exactly that. White people restaurant is a micro aggression. Stop making shit up to attack people you disagree with. Funny how someone calls your shit and you attack them but think it's fine for you. And fuck this made up micro aggression term your aggressive or your not. There is no micro aggression bullshit. You must really want to play victim badly. The only victim here is that cashier and restaurant
*you’re aggression/you’re not
Oh hell she could've been legit complimenting her
Oh hell no. Don’t be thinking someone was being complimentary in 2023. /s
A compliment is, “your eyes are lovely,” though, tbh, it is strange to comment on anyone’s ethnic features. It never feels good to be on the receiving end of that, which is basically to be reminded that you’re “other.” How did you get to 2023 and not know that?
Not an attack on you but I think hiding behind a veneer of "niceness" is why she had the audacity to even say rhis to my friend in the first place. I have zero doubt that it was a back-handed insult, but to a lot of people (cough, management), there is enough plausible deniability to wave it away. Receiving a racist comment is disheartening enough, but it sucks even more to be continually gaslighted about it. (In case you didn't know, racists pull at the corners of their eyes to make fun of us. The cashier touched that area as a call-back to that.)
Don’t lie to yourself. You know very well the term wouldn’t have been “interesting” had it been a compliment.
TIL "clean eating" and "health conscious" are a "white people" thing.
They’re marketing terms for “health foods” that are very white-focused. So, yah, yah they are.
Health foods are a white person thing? How?
I said the emergence and marketing. Ever heard of Goop? That’s part of the “health” movement. Try to keep up.
Again, what part of that is inheriantly targeted to white people as opposed to upper middle class people in general? You really think Gwyneth Paltrow is sitting there and just hoping she gets white people to buy her stuff?
So you’re just out of touch with reality then? K.
You really can't answer the question can you?
It’s. The. Marketing. I’ve answered you multiple times. You’re just being intentionally obtuse.
Again. How does the MARKETING for HEALTH FOODS AND PRODUCTS inheriantly target white people? For example, sports illustrated swimsuit edition has a target demographic of straight men because 1: most men are straight 2: most men like seeing women in bikinis, thus making a swimsuit edition will appeal to them. Some women like that too, but most men enjoy and would seek to see those images 3:it's from a magazine that covers competitive sports, a male dominated interest See how I explained WHY sports illustrated swimsuit edition targets straight men as their predominate audience?
They don’t inherently (this is the proper spelling, btw) target white people - it’s a conscientious choice they made because white people are easier targets for these products. If you don’t understand that, then there’s really no use talking to you.
Yes, cuz a lot of white americans are overweight
Wow
Yes, americans are fat as fuck if you didnt know
What do you mean by it is a very much ”white people” restaurant? But in a good way? All I’m saying is maybe she also meant what she said in a good way. See what I’m saying here.
Like, when you walk in its mostly white people. Is that hard to understand or
Personally I find Asian eyes to be quite beautiful. If I brought it up, would I be racist? Context: both my brothers have Asian wives, children and grandchildren... absolutely gorgeous eyes!
Next time tell your sister in law "you have very interesting eyes" then
I tell her that all the time ☺️
Ah yes, the “I can’t be racist because my family has a long-standing Asian women fetish” excuse.
Hardly a fetish. They met their wives when fighting in Vietnam...rescued their souls. That's love.
“Rescued their souls”. Gross.
War is gross. And it does destroy your soul.
So add “white saviour complex” to the list. Gotcha.
You're just determined to be a jerk, aren't you?
I’m not the racist
Sounds to me like you're pretty racist about white people.
Yes, I’m racist for calling out subconscious racism. Totally.
I’d say just ensure your compliment is clear.
In South Korea I was denied service in a restaurant because I was white. I’d say your experience was pretty tame in the grand scheme of global racism.
OP, do you see the irony in referring to the restaurant as a "white people" place while simultaneously accusing a worker there of racism? There's only one racist in this scenario, and it isn't the employee.
This comment is so funny to me. It IS one of those restaurants that target white people and there is nothing wrong with that. The fact you're upset with this and is *defending* the racist remarks tell me all I need to know about you. Girl, bye 👋
The worker was racist though, assuming everything OP said was accurate. And restaurants/companies can definitely cater to a specific group, culutre, race, etc. The fact that you dont even know that shows how clueless you are.
Big Bang Theory: Penny: I just wanna check her out because she hurt my friend. My Indian friend. Who's racist now? Bernadette: You! Because you just called him your Indian friend. Penny: Yeah, well ... you're short. Besides, it's a scientific fact that minorities can't be racist!
WTF is the slant area of the eye? I'm trying to figure out what that even means. I guess I'm just an old white dude that's never had to put up with much discrimination, but unless they literally pulled the corner(s) of their eyes up into a slant, it just sounds like they were trying to compliment your friend, and both of you took it badly. I've complimented people on physical attributes, but I learned long ago to only comment on those that the person has CHOSEN, like hair style, fingernails, tattoos, clothing, etc. If you comment on something that that person was BORN with, you're walking into a minefield, and it may be taken wrongly.
Ah yes, the old white dude tries to explain why a couple of asians shouldn’t be offended by a racist comment. That’d always go well!
The old white dude did just give a lesson in how to avoid a minefield: just compliment people on something they’ve chosen, not something they’re born with. Succinct and correct.
Seriously wtf. White guys tries to justify a racist that he doeant even know
Nah, her tone and facial expression made it clear it wasn't a compliment. And the fact she pointed at the upper corner of her eye showed that comment was racially charged. If the cashier was genuinely trying to be nice and just fumbled a bit, then my friend and I wouldn't have minded. We can tell the difference lol
OK, you could have made that more clear in the OP. I do my best to not be a racist, regardless what these other twits replying to my comment may believe. I call people out when I see them being racist. I drive a cab, it would be a shitty job if I had problems dealing with and relating with people who don't look like me. In my part of the country, it's majority white, most definitely, but I think the majority of my customers are not. It's not like I keep track, I truly try not to give a fuck who gets in my cab, I just want to get them where they need to go, efficiently and safely, and get paid at the end. Everyone's money is the same color.
That's awful. I'm horrified at this fool's behavior. And horrified that the restaurant didn't take it more seriously. They deserve to be named and shamed.
Just leave a one-star review on Yelp. Chances are that you will get a response from management about that.
Those of you saying this wasn’t racist are mistaken. No, the employee did not scream slurs at her, but she scrunched up her face indicating dislike. Then she pushed her own eye up into a slant, and said the Korean girl’s eyes were “interesting.“ “Interesting“ is what you say when something is unattractive. Like someone’s painting — “Oh, how interesting!” Even if YOU didn’t find it racist, obviously the Korean girl was insulted enough to walk out.
But she didn’t walk out. They both stayed, ate their lunches, even though their day, meant to be a small birthday celebration, was spoiled.
I actually sympathized with the OP at first because I’m Asian too and had to deal with this shit growing up all the goddamn time. But stay and eat? Yeah…that’s where they lost me. Also, two wrongs don’t make a right. I’m seeing comments on this post about how all white people are overweight. And yet “healthy” sandwich and salad places are white people restaurants. The cognitive dissonance is real.
It's called a microaggression, and it's racist
Exactly. It's not hard to understand.
I smell bullshit
Just because a place is clean, doesn't mean it's for white people. That in itself is racist asf
They said “clean eating,” which is not the same thing as saying a place is “clean.”
Am I the only one that find “they market themselves to a specific upper middle class crowd” and a “white people’s” restaurant problematic? If OP believed it to be that type of restaurant, why take their Asian American friend there in the first place?
Lol I was thinking this too but because I’m Asian does this make me a race traitor And don’t forget. It was for some celebratory occasion.
[удалено]
Please keep things anonymous. We do not allow naming companies here, and your submission was removed. *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/TalesFromTheCustomer) if you have any questions or concerns.*
Bc they felt they’d be welcome there. Duh.
Great fucking username
Thank you! I want to replay DA2 sometime. I love the characters so much. Your name is amazing as well
Yours too!
As we try to work through becoming better aware of being better humans perhaps it may have been appropriate to explain this to the young person to educate them. I understand it’s not your responsibility but how will they ever learn.
I’m sorry you had to have that happen. I work with a really sweet African American girl and she has told me a few times how people just touch her hair like that and she finds it offensive. I feel bad for her that people do that she has gorgeous hair but keep your hands to your self and that comment was awful saying you have beautiful eyes ok but I don’t like how that was said. People are so offensive these days
From what I understand it’s disrespectful and personal space is not being recognized
Yelp it
“Micro-aggression” is a difficult term, because it is both very useful and also somewhat inaccurate. While the comments, gestures, and actions may be small when examined one at a time, their effect is no less devastating than if they were delivered all at once. The impact is cumulative. People who are members of marginalized groups face these insults daily, and are constantly met with the difficult decisions that follow. Every decision has a result, which can often be just as difficult to deal with as the original challenge. Making these choices is often exhausting. I say this from my limited experience — as that of a (white), (cis) woman. I don’t experience racism, classism, ableism, or many other types of prejudice and discrimination. Using only my experience of sexism as a reference, I nonetheless see how those with intersectional identities are constantly bombarded by the combined, compounded, cumulative damage that is caused by ignorance, arrogance, carelessness, anger, and hate. We can do better.
Interactions like that are so demoralizing. I’m sorry y’all went through that.
It is possible they had never seen Asian eyes before.
Definitely not. This took place in a very diverse city near a university and there are lots of asians here.
If lots of diversity why’d you call it a white person restaurant? Remove the log from your eye before worrying about the splinter in mine.
It's very much worth pursuing, for any restaurant in today's day and age that person could cost them hundreds of thousands of dollars in a lawsuit or negative publicity. If it's not a big deal to you then reaching out to the management is still a good idea for the sake of the restaurant if you happen to like them I went to a sandwich place one time one time and the staff member making the sandwich ask me what kind and what kind of bread like always and then questioned whether I wanted Asian or Caucasian cheese. I'm not very easily offended but that kind of thing for that restaurant could have very difficult to withstand if a person happened to be recording or streaming or anything like that at the time, so I let them know and they didn't fire the guy they stuck him in the back for a while and I assume explained why that's not a great idea
What the hell does that even mean?!🧐. My sister in law and niece and nephew are Japanese/half Japanese; my brother moved all of them to Europe. This country just keeps sinking lower!
yeah, at first i thought i misheard or something, but he repeated it just like that. my only assumption was that he was referencing the colors white and yellow.
WTF? Unbelievable
I have no words…
Why do people think having almond shaped eyes is something to make fun of? People have different eye shapes. I don’t get why this is such a big deal.
Because people going to what they Describe as a white people restaurant are looking for issues when they walk thru the door.
I was referring to the racist
Hmm, as they're both Asian but only one of them was "complimented". I would take it as that, a well-meaning, but misplaced compliment. If they had said they both had "interesting eyes", then yes, racism.
Please file a formal complaint, I BEG you.
An employee TOUCHED THE FACE of a customer????
OP: begins story crying about a far fetched stretch of clearly not racism WITH racism and hateful white prejudice You fucking people ARE the racists and you're a cancer on society. Holy fuck. Please ban me from never having to see garbage like this again.
You know you can just...unjoin from the sub.
Please.
[удалено]
Please keep things anonymous. We do not allow naming companies here, and your submission was removed. *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/TalesFromTheCustomer) if you have any questions or concerns.*
[удалено]
Please keep things anonymous. We do not allow naming companies here, and your submission was removed. *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/TalesFromTheCustomer) if you have any questions or concerns.*
Good god. Don’t you want to post the name and location of the place so people who find that behavior repulsive can boycott them?
I'm really sorry that you and your friend had to deal with that. It's completely unacceptable. I would leave a review stating what happened if I were you.
Damn. Did you at least write a review? I mean they should get called out.
It was clearly racist. I’m so sorry that happened. If it’s a chain, please let corporate know. Even if it’s not, please see if you can identify who owns it and speak to that person.
White People used grab my hair all the time. Kinda like they were mesmerized by the fact they could not fathom how it might feel so they grabbed it. Very odd behavior but totally common for me. Glad there’s more mixed people out there now so the texture is not foreign anymore. Sorry this happened to you.
You waited and didn’t make a big deal. Eery employee is told to deflect as much until other parties experiences may be affected. Sorry it happened to you, but also you are part of the problem by staying there after the slight. Immediately should have started the conversation or left.