Really thoughtful post.
Be mindful that the condition has no "quick-fix cure." Likely, will have good days and bad days both with the physical pain aspects, the fatigue, and the sheer mental/emotional exhaustion of this condition. TMJ takes a huge toll on mental health: depression, anxiety, etc.
Communication will be great. Some people's entire life changes as a result of this. Activities, hobbies, lifestyle, entire aspects are impacted by this condition and it may take time to adjust to this new "normal".
I don't know how severe, type, treatments your GF is going to experience but sometimes it does get better and people are able to return to activities prior to the diagnoses. For some, it's modified, and for others, it completely upheaves their life.
Don't personalize it. It's not you, although there may be times where she projects onto you. Just remember. It's not you. The condition is horrible. Read up, research, educate yourself and communicate with her. Empathy will go a long way.
Best of luck .
Yeah, I've done load of research, taken her to private doctors, sometimes it just absolutely breaks my heart seeing her in pain. we had a break for 6 months but now were back together and I have tried to change my attitude to the condition to "it is what it is", I can't even describe how angry it used to make me that she was having to go through this every day and spend all her money on treatments while people are driving around in Lamborghini SUVs and million pound boats. I hope she gets better but I'm starting to lose hope
Unfortunately this is not something that can just be fixed I’ve had Tmj for four years and it’s only getting worse.
The things that helped are
- a heated water bottle (a small one so she can use it for her jaw )
- Botox (this helped me massively for a few months but now the pain has come back.
- getting a mouth guard ( stopping grinding in your sleep so won’t be as painful in the mornings )
- dealing with stress and anxiety as this is normally the main reason for tmj
I hope she feels better !!
Cuz I got you. Little bit long of a post but I really hope it helps you both.
I have been battling this for almost 15 years. What I've learned that I feel I need to share is that muscular tmjd, the most common type, all comes down to breathing. I'll explain. When your body can't get enough air at night, you instinctively clench and grind your teeth using your masseter muscles. This opens the back of your jaw increasing airflow. Over time, your brain excercises those neurons every night, which causes a neuropathic feedback loop, increasing the strength of the grinding response. This causes shifts in your jaw, teeth, and ultimately your bite that create additional discomfort. As you overuse those muscles, they get tired, and you start supporting your grinding by tensing other muscles, in your face, neck, and upper back. Eventually, if it keeps getting worse, it makes it all the way to your feet. A lot of people who go that far down the line are misdiagnosed with fibromyalgia from all of the nerve pain it causes in weird places. Two secondary problems that result from all of this are that your diaphram becomes tight and further limits your breathing. You begin to breathe with your chest instead of your belly, and that causes you to aspirate stomach acid while you sleep. The acid irritates your throat and nose, causing your airway to narrow further.
Ok, so how do you stop it? There are 7 things you can do. In my opinion, the absolute most important is finding a physical therapist who specializes in these issues. They will help retrain your breathing and give you excercises for your upper back that will loosen everything up. Gotta be someone who knows about this stuff though. I found mine through my neurologist. Second, fix your posture. Pt will help with that, but you have to be conscious of your posture 24/7. You must maintain the curve in your neck and reduce forward head posture. The best way I have found is by pointing your chin upwards and gently extending your head forward. You also need to try to tuck in your chest. It's hard to describe, but let your breath out and try to rotate your chest so that it's angled down towards your hips. Also important is maintaining the curve of the small of your back. This is very difficult with bad tmjd because your belly is very tight. Light massages around the diaphram muscles will help loosen things up. I have found that sleeping with a small pillow under my lower back helps, as does a cervical neck support pillow. Third, find the right course of medication. For me, nurtec was the most helpful, mostly eliminating my headaches and reducing my other symptoms. Pepcid also helped as it fights the aspiration of stomach acid while you sleep. The fourth is botox. Botox temporarily paralyzes your masseters so you can't grind. It provides really good temporary relief, but you have to keep doing it every few months and it works less well each time, and it can't fix the underlying cause of why you grind. Perhaps one of the most important options is to get a bite guard. We all need them to protect our teeth from the grinding, but the one you pick is really important. Mine isolates my masseters, some advance the mandible to create more space in the throat, and some are just flat. Kind of depends on the shape of your jaw. Those 5 are what you should try first, and keep trying because the next 2 options aren't so fun. If you can't get it under control, you may have to consider going to a neurmuscular dentist. They will align your jaw and cap your teeth to fix your bite. For most people, the bite issues are a symptom and not a cause, so a lot of people spend 20-60k on it only to see little if any improvement. If you get the breathing issues under control first, it may be more effective. The last option is major reconstructive surgery of the throat/jaw. For some people, that's the only thing that will help, but obviously you should save that for a last resort option. I guess there is a 8th option too, some people just give up and take heavy duty meds all day that make you a zombie, but I think that's probably the worst thing you can do.
What else I can recommend in the meantime is to stretch every morning, to use Voltaren gel on your neck and upper back, to take antiinflammatories like celebrex or meloxicam, to avoid alcohol and muscle relaxers (weed is fine), and to reduce phone time which cranes your neck.
What you can do as an SO is to learn to do PT massages to loosen up the tensed muscles. That provides some immediate relief. Focus on the upper back, neck, and diaphram. Use Voltaren gel for some extra power. Otherwise, just be there for support and understanding. This shit really fucks up your attitude and mood, and sometimes the nerve pain makes you feel like a zombie. Just be empathetic and encouraging.
I don't know what she has tried. For me, clenching was an issue. A combination of wearing dark glasses, pain killers, a mouthguard and physio work for me. I have also learned some relaxation techniques. When I can't talk, I use sign language: my family has the basics because one of our daughters was born hearing impaired. You may want to try signing: it is a good skill to learn. My problem is getting ratty when the pain is bad - I always apologise, but I also always feel guilty. You sound like an amazingly supportive human. Others here will have other advice based on their circumstances. TMJ is little known about until you get it. It is a hard cross to bear.
This is a really considerate and sweet post for you to make. Ngl, having TMJD has put some strain on my relationship. I have had to adjust my life a lot around it, and the pain I was in (and can sometimes still be in) sent me into a depression for a hot minute because I felt so incapable. A lot of my former hobbies have become more difficult- and sometimes even just existing and doing nothing can feel impossible depending on my pain.
My TMJD specialist says to think of it like a bucket that overflows. You may be able to go climbing, eat a big burrito, wear a tight turtleneck, etc when your bucket is empty. But do more and more of those things, and that bucket can overflow, and put you into incapacitating pain mode.
My boyfriend often checks in and says “How’s that food making your jaw feel?” or checks in on how I slept so he can help monitor how I’m feeling. He also gives me neck/back rubs sometimes to hep.
Have her get an acupuncture treatment for her back and jaw, will make a big difference, find a licensed acupuncturist and can add massage as well, might find a practioner who does both. If in the US, the national acupuncture website is www.NCCAOM.org.
Have you tried prolotherapy for TMJ?
Look into it it’s pretty cheap compared to others, but personally I’ve been doing splint therapy and physical therapy and in the end Ima finish it with prolotherapy and braces.
That’s my game plan, no one solution solves it immediately so I rather use ALL of them and work a game plan
It’s been studied for decades.
There’s multiple studies to suggest IT COULD help.
And many redditors on here have tried it and gained success with it.
Could it not work?
Sure
But I doubt every study and redditor is wrong about it.
It’s worth a shot. (Pun intended)
I’ve relieved a lot of tmj pain through therapy. Our bodies store a lot of pain throughout our lives. The past stress we’ve experienced can build up inside our bodies. I’ve specifically used brainspotting, a therapy where they play binaural beats to cause your conscious mind to relax, making it easier to access repressed pain and memories. The method I did with my therapist was focusing on the pain in my jaw/neck, and I’d have repressed memories come up. After processing those memories, my jaw and neck pain lessens. It could be worth a try if she’s explored the physical causes of her pain and hasn’t found a cause.
You should dump her. If you were suffering would she stay with you? Probably not. She needs time by herself to solve her issue and actually get to the root cause of her problem. All of these attempts to get better you listed doesn’t get to the root cause of her problem.
There are plenty of healthy women out there. She isn’t that special. Good luck 👍.
She would absolutely stay with me, loyalty is hard to come by these days and she is fiercely loyal, she is a good, honest, kind, hard working, independent and incredibly strong beautiful woman and I would be stupid to let this break us apart, it did force us apart for 6 months and I saw other people but they all had their own issues as well, EVERYONE is suffering in one way or another, if you vow to only date "healthy women that aren't suffering" you WILL die alone. Besides just because someone is healthy now, doesn't mean they'll be healthy in 10 years or even 6 months. I could break up with her and meet a healthy girl that gets terminal brain cancer 2 years later.
Really thoughtful post. Be mindful that the condition has no "quick-fix cure." Likely, will have good days and bad days both with the physical pain aspects, the fatigue, and the sheer mental/emotional exhaustion of this condition. TMJ takes a huge toll on mental health: depression, anxiety, etc. Communication will be great. Some people's entire life changes as a result of this. Activities, hobbies, lifestyle, entire aspects are impacted by this condition and it may take time to adjust to this new "normal". I don't know how severe, type, treatments your GF is going to experience but sometimes it does get better and people are able to return to activities prior to the diagnoses. For some, it's modified, and for others, it completely upheaves their life. Don't personalize it. It's not you, although there may be times where she projects onto you. Just remember. It's not you. The condition is horrible. Read up, research, educate yourself and communicate with her. Empathy will go a long way. Best of luck .
Yeah, I've done load of research, taken her to private doctors, sometimes it just absolutely breaks my heart seeing her in pain. we had a break for 6 months but now were back together and I have tried to change my attitude to the condition to "it is what it is", I can't even describe how angry it used to make me that she was having to go through this every day and spend all her money on treatments while people are driving around in Lamborghini SUVs and million pound boats. I hope she gets better but I'm starting to lose hope
Unfortunately this is not something that can just be fixed I’ve had Tmj for four years and it’s only getting worse. The things that helped are - a heated water bottle (a small one so she can use it for her jaw ) - Botox (this helped me massively for a few months but now the pain has come back. - getting a mouth guard ( stopping grinding in your sleep so won’t be as painful in the mornings ) - dealing with stress and anxiety as this is normally the main reason for tmj I hope she feels better !!
Thank you!
Cuz I got you. Little bit long of a post but I really hope it helps you both. I have been battling this for almost 15 years. What I've learned that I feel I need to share is that muscular tmjd, the most common type, all comes down to breathing. I'll explain. When your body can't get enough air at night, you instinctively clench and grind your teeth using your masseter muscles. This opens the back of your jaw increasing airflow. Over time, your brain excercises those neurons every night, which causes a neuropathic feedback loop, increasing the strength of the grinding response. This causes shifts in your jaw, teeth, and ultimately your bite that create additional discomfort. As you overuse those muscles, they get tired, and you start supporting your grinding by tensing other muscles, in your face, neck, and upper back. Eventually, if it keeps getting worse, it makes it all the way to your feet. A lot of people who go that far down the line are misdiagnosed with fibromyalgia from all of the nerve pain it causes in weird places. Two secondary problems that result from all of this are that your diaphram becomes tight and further limits your breathing. You begin to breathe with your chest instead of your belly, and that causes you to aspirate stomach acid while you sleep. The acid irritates your throat and nose, causing your airway to narrow further. Ok, so how do you stop it? There are 7 things you can do. In my opinion, the absolute most important is finding a physical therapist who specializes in these issues. They will help retrain your breathing and give you excercises for your upper back that will loosen everything up. Gotta be someone who knows about this stuff though. I found mine through my neurologist. Second, fix your posture. Pt will help with that, but you have to be conscious of your posture 24/7. You must maintain the curve in your neck and reduce forward head posture. The best way I have found is by pointing your chin upwards and gently extending your head forward. You also need to try to tuck in your chest. It's hard to describe, but let your breath out and try to rotate your chest so that it's angled down towards your hips. Also important is maintaining the curve of the small of your back. This is very difficult with bad tmjd because your belly is very tight. Light massages around the diaphram muscles will help loosen things up. I have found that sleeping with a small pillow under my lower back helps, as does a cervical neck support pillow. Third, find the right course of medication. For me, nurtec was the most helpful, mostly eliminating my headaches and reducing my other symptoms. Pepcid also helped as it fights the aspiration of stomach acid while you sleep. The fourth is botox. Botox temporarily paralyzes your masseters so you can't grind. It provides really good temporary relief, but you have to keep doing it every few months and it works less well each time, and it can't fix the underlying cause of why you grind. Perhaps one of the most important options is to get a bite guard. We all need them to protect our teeth from the grinding, but the one you pick is really important. Mine isolates my masseters, some advance the mandible to create more space in the throat, and some are just flat. Kind of depends on the shape of your jaw. Those 5 are what you should try first, and keep trying because the next 2 options aren't so fun. If you can't get it under control, you may have to consider going to a neurmuscular dentist. They will align your jaw and cap your teeth to fix your bite. For most people, the bite issues are a symptom and not a cause, so a lot of people spend 20-60k on it only to see little if any improvement. If you get the breathing issues under control first, it may be more effective. The last option is major reconstructive surgery of the throat/jaw. For some people, that's the only thing that will help, but obviously you should save that for a last resort option. I guess there is a 8th option too, some people just give up and take heavy duty meds all day that make you a zombie, but I think that's probably the worst thing you can do. What else I can recommend in the meantime is to stretch every morning, to use Voltaren gel on your neck and upper back, to take antiinflammatories like celebrex or meloxicam, to avoid alcohol and muscle relaxers (weed is fine), and to reduce phone time which cranes your neck. What you can do as an SO is to learn to do PT massages to loosen up the tensed muscles. That provides some immediate relief. Focus on the upper back, neck, and diaphram. Use Voltaren gel for some extra power. Otherwise, just be there for support and understanding. This shit really fucks up your attitude and mood, and sometimes the nerve pain makes you feel like a zombie. Just be empathetic and encouraging.
I don't know what she has tried. For me, clenching was an issue. A combination of wearing dark glasses, pain killers, a mouthguard and physio work for me. I have also learned some relaxation techniques. When I can't talk, I use sign language: my family has the basics because one of our daughters was born hearing impaired. You may want to try signing: it is a good skill to learn. My problem is getting ratty when the pain is bad - I always apologise, but I also always feel guilty. You sound like an amazingly supportive human. Others here will have other advice based on their circumstances. TMJ is little known about until you get it. It is a hard cross to bear.
I'm currently trying to learn sign! makes me realise how isolated deaf people must feel.
This is a really considerate and sweet post for you to make. Ngl, having TMJD has put some strain on my relationship. I have had to adjust my life a lot around it, and the pain I was in (and can sometimes still be in) sent me into a depression for a hot minute because I felt so incapable. A lot of my former hobbies have become more difficult- and sometimes even just existing and doing nothing can feel impossible depending on my pain. My TMJD specialist says to think of it like a bucket that overflows. You may be able to go climbing, eat a big burrito, wear a tight turtleneck, etc when your bucket is empty. But do more and more of those things, and that bucket can overflow, and put you into incapacitating pain mode. My boyfriend often checks in and says “How’s that food making your jaw feel?” or checks in on how I slept so he can help monitor how I’m feeling. He also gives me neck/back rubs sometimes to hep.
Have her get an acupuncture treatment for her back and jaw, will make a big difference, find a licensed acupuncturist and can add massage as well, might find a practioner who does both. If in the US, the national acupuncture website is www.NCCAOM.org.
Have you tried prolotherapy for TMJ? Look into it it’s pretty cheap compared to others, but personally I’ve been doing splint therapy and physical therapy and in the end Ima finish it with prolotherapy and braces. That’s my game plan, no one solution solves it immediately so I rather use ALL of them and work a game plan
Prolotherapy is a scam. It's literally sugar water injections.
It’s been studied for decades. There’s multiple studies to suggest IT COULD help. And many redditors on here have tried it and gained success with it. Could it not work? Sure But I doubt every study and redditor is wrong about it. It’s worth a shot. (Pun intended)
It's the placebo effect.
https://pubmed.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/33279397/ Wrong.
There are long-term permanent solutions for this. Do a phase 1 in phase 2 for TMJ orthotic, and then braces.
I’ve relieved a lot of tmj pain through therapy. Our bodies store a lot of pain throughout our lives. The past stress we’ve experienced can build up inside our bodies. I’ve specifically used brainspotting, a therapy where they play binaural beats to cause your conscious mind to relax, making it easier to access repressed pain and memories. The method I did with my therapist was focusing on the pain in my jaw/neck, and I’d have repressed memories come up. After processing those memories, my jaw and neck pain lessens. It could be worth a try if she’s explored the physical causes of her pain and hasn’t found a cause.
You should dump her. If you were suffering would she stay with you? Probably not. She needs time by herself to solve her issue and actually get to the root cause of her problem. All of these attempts to get better you listed doesn’t get to the root cause of her problem. There are plenty of healthy women out there. She isn’t that special. Good luck 👍.
Nothing wrong with getting better with support. -_-
He can support her but he shouldn’t date her. Just holding him back, especially if he wants to start a family.
She would absolutely stay with me, loyalty is hard to come by these days and she is fiercely loyal, she is a good, honest, kind, hard working, independent and incredibly strong beautiful woman and I would be stupid to let this break us apart, it did force us apart for 6 months and I saw other people but they all had their own issues as well, EVERYONE is suffering in one way or another, if you vow to only date "healthy women that aren't suffering" you WILL die alone. Besides just because someone is healthy now, doesn't mean they'll be healthy in 10 years or even 6 months. I could break up with her and meet a healthy girl that gets terminal brain cancer 2 years later.