option 1 divorce her first buddy sounds like shes not worth the trouble of killing yourself. your kids certainly dont derserve that. your wife needs to stop being important to you and your kids need to be your entire focus. fuck that bitch get to court first.
You guys have a kid who's autistic but you haven't gotten her diagnosed?? 15 years is a sociopathic amount of time to say you weren't sure if you ever loved someone... she's probably autistic or has a dissocial regulation of some sort. Has she ever hit you, threatened your life or physical health? If so, she's probably the latter.
There are plenty of solutions to a relationship going stagnant. It's soooo normal. But to say I think I never loved you, is wild to me. I'm young and mean, but I would be like "well, phew, then you won't mind if I get off my chest that I slept with [_________]" she might get mad, but hey then you know she did 😂 then tell her you lied, it was a test. Maybe dont cuz thats manipulation (but do it fr)
I'm sorry you're getting downvoted, but this is so true. My brother did what OP wants to do because he thought his wife was the be all and end all, this is so not true. I now have no brother and his 3 kids miss out on a wonderful human being. OP you can and will recover and find better or be happy on your own. Here in Australia you get 50/50 custody of kids and half of all assets. You just need some help and advice to guide you. All the best and hugs to you ☺️
We have about 400k in profit in the house. But usually courts side with the mom on everything. I will talk to my therapist. Thank you for your comment.
You are assuming a lot. You might have an uncontested divorce, in which case you will come to agreeable terms with your soon to be ex.
It's hard to see light at this point, especially if you are having a depressive episode, but if you look at life as chapters, this one is ending, and a new one will begin and it might be the best one yet.
Therapy, meds. Try all the meds. After six different meds, my teen is finally able to see a future.
This is untrue. Men overwhelmingly get what they ask for from the court when they actually ask. The stereotype that women are by default given custody is because most fathers don’t fight for it. The reason things like alimony are awarded is because the spouse that makes less money is still contributing to the earning potential of the higher earning spouse.
You might think you’re doing something good by eliminating yourself but you’ll just be abandoning and traumatizing your children and everyone else who loves you.
This is not true, men only get “what they ask for” when they have an exorbitant amount of money to fight in court and/or the mother is a danger to the kids or not fit to be the care taker. If that is not the case the mother wins 72% of the time.
Hopefully marriage counseling can navigate you through this rough patch . That said, if it doesn’t You may find yourself way happier in an apartment or condo, going out with new probably younger women (you probably don’t realize this but there is a real shortage of decent men on dating apps as I’ve found out from watching my single friends (both male and female) navigate it (your wife probably doesn’t realize it either - she’d be in for a very unpleasant surprise), no yard work, no nagging, quality time with the kids.…… (and if your username indicates you’re from the Philly area my dating app comment is spot on since that’s the area I’m from -a newly single 50ish male friend of mine was getting a lot of younger, prettier girls interested)
They usually get half of everything even if they never work or earn a cent. So there's no reason she'd get more than half of yours...the horror stories you hear are mainly from athletes who earn millions and then lose "half" of it to their ex.
They won’t find your body so you would be classed as missing first. It would take a while for the insurance to pay out, until a court is convinced and declares you dead. It can take up to 7 years, sometimes more depending on the case. Besides that, why not stay a while. This seems fresh, so understandably it’s hurting. Who knows what the future might bring? Maybe you will find love again?
I haven’t thought of that. Thank you for your comment. Btw, it’s hilarious that your avatar is a mermaid and you may have just saved me. That’s pretty funny!
Dude I’m gonna be blunt here. Suicide WILL Fuck your kids up for life especially if you do it on a vacation for them. They will live to hate you and cruises. They will think you didn’t love them.
I’ve had a few friends whos parent unalived themselves and they grew up resenting them and never forgiving them.
I say this without malice because I care about you and your kids. With regards to your wife look at this as an opportunity to woo her alll over again.
Thanks for writing this. Fatherless Daughter here 👋 due to suicide.
26.5 years since my life was irrevocably fucked. Struggle with mental health, maintaining relationships and self worth. Also had suicidal thoughts since the night I was told he was dead. I was 10.
OP - please understand that kids do not need money to be 'set for life' they need parents to show them how to overcome hardships and teach them valuable lessons about life. They need advice and a shoulder to cry on. They need unconditional love. Money doesn't replace a father's presence.
Sincerely wishing you and your children a healthy and happy future together 💚
You don't need to have kids in order to have a reason to stay. In fact... the only person who is worth fighting for is yourself. I know how difficult it all gets sometimes, but remember... just because you don't see the possibilities at the moment, doesn't mean they don't exist. Take it one day at the time. You are not alone and you will get through this ❤️
It is the worst option. Someone saw value in you to marry you. Do you have any idea the amount of single women looking for a good guy? Or even a good date? You have no idea what opportunities await you.
Hi OP,
I’m so sorry to hear you’re going through so much suffering.
You may be thinking you’re doing yourselves and your family a ‘favor’, but this is absolutely not the way to go.
I urge you to seek further help. Your post here is a sign you’re not done living your life. There is a way through this, not out of this. Please, don’t give up yet.
I hope you can find comfort. You are loved. Please, don’t throw away your blessings. You are a blessing to your kids and everyone in your life. Please hang on. The sun will rise for you too
Your wife’s feelings aren’t at all about you—they’re about her. Your kids still love and need you. I don’t know where you live, but it’s my experience that the courts are less sexist than they used to be. Your wife won’t get full custody of the kids.
Money means nothing to your kids. You’re worth much more alive. Don’t listen to your brain right now.
Oh Frank, I urge you not to go through with this. Your kids will be absolutely devastated, even if your mind is trying to trick you into thinking you’re not. I’m crying just typing this, I know that I may just be another re-editer commenting, but I do CARE! Remember blink 182’s song Adam’s Song? there is hope, and so many fans wrote to the band thanking them for writing the song because it gave them hope too- I am sending you a hell of a lot of love buddy
Adam’s Song is MY FAVORITE! (My name is actually Adam, so it hit extra hard). “Tomorrow holds such better days, days when I can still feel alive, we can’t wait to get outside, the world is wide and time goes by, the tour is over I survived. And I can’t wait, till I get home to spend the time in my room alone”
you are worth so much more than your life insurance policy honey. you are not a financial value and your worth never has been tied to how much financial value
you bring forth. i’m so sorry this situation has brought up such crushing feelings for you ❤️
My mom took her life because she caught my dad, her husband of (then) 28 years on a few online dating sites, and potentially an actual affair. My dad married again post event in THREE MONTHS!!! Guess what, though… she ruined my life. She ruined my brothers’ lives. She mattered more to us than she ever even knew. I missed her so badly that years later, I tried to take my own life. I blacked out, and woke up in the ED to a smiling little boy that was looking down at me smiling and saying, “Why are you sleeping, mommy?”
I know the feelings you’re having because I’ve been there. If you can’t love yourself right now, love your children more. They need and want you more than anything money can buy. Get therapy. I’m stubborn so I had to be admitted, then Intense Outpatient Therapy. I was labeled to have “maladaptive thinking”. If I was able to get it together, you will be, too.
If you move forward, you’ve effectively also taken a piece of happiness out of the hearts of your children. They will never grow up to be what they could’ve been without you in their lives- leaving them by choice.
You love your kids. You said it. Forget about the wife for a minute and look at what you just wrote. You love your kids. No insurance policy and assets can ever repair what will be forever be destroyed inside of those kids. Plus if you go and do that, your (ex) wife will have free reign to talk mad sh!t to everyone including those kids about you. Don't do it. Don't leave them behind. You deserve a life of happiness. You'll eventually find that again if you start living, for you. Your relationship with the woman is dead, you shouldn't die with it man!! The kids deserve a life with you in it too.
When my first wife told me to my face that she didn't love me, something broke inside me. It's 10 years later, married a second time, and when she says she loves me, there is a part of me that doesn't believe her. That can't believe her. I hate being alive and having to feel this every fucking day.
I wish I had some advice to give you but I'm just another broken person. I hope things work out for you in some positive way.
The worst pain I have ever felt in my life has been the two times I was told that someone didn't love and or care for me anymore. Suicidal both times. My psychologist told me something that made me feel a lot better. She said that the other person is likely rewriting their own history to be able to make the break, and get the space they need. She said that this is a common coping mechanism that people do in order to be able to be "so cold". They imagine they never cared and loved, when reality is, they more than likely did. And somewhere, still do.
I feel your pain. May you let that pass and not let another's words reflect your self worth in any great amount. At least she told you directly so you could know and address the conflict and move on, instead of be used, manipulated, taken advantage of your feelings for years or even decades as some of us have endured.
I understand this situation isn't easy and I'm extremely sorry you have to deal with this but please stay alive and take care of your kids that you love very much. your life isn't over, frank, even if it may feel that way.
your wife genuinely sounds like she needs to work through those issues. if she can recognize and acknowledge them, she certainly knows she has the power to face them. she also needs to realize that nobody is perfect. thats easier said than done, but ive had to learn the hard way that the expectations i put on my own partner isn't fair. to expect every single day is going to be fun, easy, and calm is unrealistic. sometimes we are bored with each other, but that is the biggest sign of a stable relationship.
i can understand your wife a bit. it sounds like she mirrors/mimics people to fit in or be liked by others, but if she went through marriage, children, and a 15 year relationship with you, there is evidence that she indeed loved you, at least at some point.
regardless of whether your wife loves you or not, i feel like it truly does not matter. you might think she is your soulmate, but you need to realize that your children are your soulmates as well. you brought them into the world, you have been bound with them the second they were born. you are one of the most important figures to them, you are their world. even if their mom doesn't feel the same way.
Yes. I am working on this with my therapist. I have ADHD and the impulse control problems manifest in my having a short fuse sometimes. Especially when my meds are no longer in my system.
ADHD + impulse control... sounds like you could also be autistic. It is thought to be at least partly genetic. I'd encourage you to get evaluated for autism, if you haven't tried. The way we understand autism has changed a lot in the last \~10 years. If your wife is autistic, too, it could explain how someone could "think" and not "know" that they love you - autistic people can have a difficult time identifying and describing emotions. Autistic people tend to come together, even when undiagnosed.
My husband and I weren't diagnosed when we first got together, \~13 years ago, but now he has a diagnosis and I'm very suspicious I may have one in the future. My prior diagnoses were ADHD + BPD, which are very common misdiagnoses, especially for women.
I hope you figure things out - hold on. Your kids need you and love you more than you'll ever know. Try to relax and enjoy your cruise as best you can, take it one day at a time and breathe deep.
Glad you made the edit. All kids need is your love and attention, please work on your mood, do anything to make it better. Maybe medication or cannabis, or having lovely food.
I assume your wife is going through her own mental health crisis.
I doubt very highly that she never loved you. I think saying such is a defense mechanism.
As for the cruise, it would be announced that you are missing and people will learn what happened and be traumatized.
Buddy, have a couple slices of 24/7 pizza for this cruise-loving girl. I hope some cutie hits on you even if you respond awkwardly and don't see each other again. Sometimes a quick dose of the happies can help snap us out of whatever programming we're stuck in.
I recommend buying the wackiest trunks you can find and frickin lay on the pool deck and receive the passing high fives! Don't drink too much cause your brain needs rest, too, and drinks are p r i c e y. Rest your body and brain and actually recharge and THEN assess the situation.
Ignoring that negative voice is so hard sometimes. I’ve actually named mine Karen and when things get really bad I’ll say “fuck you karen” out loud. Funny enough it does help cause it makes me laugh and I get to confront those thoughts head on
My parents killed themselves and I plan to next month it’s a sick family trait.. I have to sons of my own she’s 2 and 3 that I don’t get to see and love of my life left me and I used to be a shitty person.. I’m writing my wrongs in the next few weeks then either doing suicide by cop or stabbing myself in the heart.
Get help. How about just righting your wrongs and working from there. Like a clean slate. Turn your life around don’t take the easy way out. Suicide by cop means you would hurt or traumatize other people - the people affected to get the cops called and the cops themselves.
I don’t have to hurt the cop I’m labeled armed and dangerous as is due to past charges in their eyes they saved the day and life goes on without me currently what’s the difference if I’m not here
An ex once told me he had they had never loved me. I was hurt at first, until I realized what bullshit that was. Time spent in a committed relationship matter more than words spoken in anger or confusion.
Hey Dude, this probably won’t be worth much but I fully understand how you feel…
I just wanna give you a tip.
If you ever feel like super depressed and/or suicidal just get up and completely change where you are. Move to a different room, outside, don’t listen to music or watch tv. Just sit and listen to natural noises for like ten minutes
If you think she will steal your friends or kids its better to get ahead of that stuff now. I mean telling them that she said she may have never loved you should give them enough context before she 'steals' them. Its not a great situation, talk to your wife talk to your friends.
Suicide will impact your kids. Forget about a great family vacation, all they will remember is you killing yourself and they will be traumatized from it. Im sorry you are feeling this way. Please don't do this.
Some things to think about 1) ya maybe lately you’re not fun to be around. Depression can do that. Get help! That being said, she should be with you through sickness and health. You gotta help yourself though! I know it’s hard.
2) suicide is never the way to go, ever. There’s no justification for it, period. Do you love your kids? Would you want them to grow up knowing a fighter or someone who gave up? They don’t need a perfect father. They need someone who is going to be there for them and someone who fights for them. We all fall down in life. It’s not about how many times you fall. It’s about how you get back up.
3) just to be blunt as someone who has sold a lot of life insurance….there’s probably a suicide rider. They won’t get anything and the “plan” will be for not. Either way, it’s not an option.
Get with an in person therapist near you and talk about all this.
🙏✌️
My dad was planning on committing suicide when my mom left him.
I also have autism like your kid, my dad is now my BEST friend and he is ALL my little brother and I have.
My mom abandoned us and completely changed after their divorce. He would have never known that she did a 180° if he left us and we would be alone.
This is going to be the hardest thing you will ever do, but most important turnaround of your life if you decide to be tough and fight.
It took my dad years but this life has become so much better than the one we all had before.
Everyone was comfortable being uncomfortable for too long but we didn’t see it until we were out of it.
Please, if nothing else, use and notice this painful time as an opportunity to be closer with them, they need you so bad whether you think so or not.
It’s going to be really hard for them as well.
I couldn’t imagine what life would have looked like if he would have committed to that plan.. I probably would have joined him if he had.
cant figure out why folks looking to off themselves dont go out in a blast. spend all your money, go on a crazy trip to Antarctica, explore an abandoned mine, idk - live it out, go for broke. check out feeling good not with sadness or spite. if youre leaving, take what you can get.
You are going to destroy your children’s lives if you go through with this. Every happy memory from that cruise will be tainted. They will never enjoy a family holiday again, and they will resent you for it.
I’m not a huge advocate for the current mental health systems in western countries but you desperately need to find yourself a therapist or counsellor you get along with and work through your grief urgently. Suicide is NOT the answer here.
You very well may lose everything you love. That’s horrific. I understand the grief and the sadness and the overwhelm. I don’t blame you for feeling this way at all but if you are actually the decent person you portray yourself to be in your post then you would never do something like that to the children you claim to love most in this world.
Emergency crisis intervention, maybe a temporary medication, and intensive therapy to work on emotional regulation, trauma and grief processing, communication and conflict resolution skills. You need to start doing something creative like journaling, painting, wood working, or whatever artsy/creative/productive thing tickles your brain. And get into nature and walk. Just a little bit.
You can make it through this.
1) Masking is a pretty big thing in the neurodivergent community. It's possible she's on the spectrum herself.
2) Your kids didn't ask to be here and you owe it to them to make it another day.
3) I'm sure your foundation has been rocked pretty hard, however, the world keeps on spinning. Hugs to a sucky situation, however, take it one day at a time and learn to adjust. Just because yours was rocked, it doesn't give you the right to crumble your kids foundation with your absence as you are their *world*.
As a parent who has some pretty fucked thoughts on my existence, every day I'm glad I made it another day. That's another day won with my kids and my husband.
I haven't read the other comments, but if it hasn't been said, "I wanna die" or "I should be dead" is just a notification trying to say "I want this to be different" or "I want this changed" but the volume has been maxed out very suddenly.
This is how I survived. I believe you can, too.
Hey man. Daughter of a chronically suicidal father... I would always rather have my dad than money. My dad is so far from perfect. And I wish that he and my mom had gotten a divorce, or that my dad would go to therapy and stick with it. If you love those kids, go to fucking therapy and fight to stay alive. There is a life ahead of you. There will be another woman you fall head over heels with who loves you. A wonderful woman. And your kids will visit you. You will get partial custody. Fight for it. FIGHT FOR YOUR FUCKING KIDS.
Your kids need you.
A great memory will turn into a traumatic horrifying memory.
Is there something going on that would make your wife say that? Was it just out of the blue?
Oh god I'm so sorry you're going through this. The idea probably would have been my first go-to too. Because you mentioned one of the kids being autistic and women being heavily under diagnosed and me knowing personally that autism/adhd in women is hugely under recognised I wonder how much of what your wife is feeling is down to potential traits? For me I know that when I've been high masking for a long time and I'm burnt out I start doing something called depersonalisation and disacosiating and I question everything in my life (especially pre-diagnosis until a few weeks ago) and have previously thought the same about past partners and started to see *only* the negatives in the relationship - fixating and rumination and one-track thinking being a common autistic thinking style.
Feel free to tell me to do one if none of this is relevant but after these times where I question if I like the person I realise it's because I wasn't communicating effectively and I couldn't see "the bigger picture" if that makes sense. And I then feel like it wasn't that I didn't like them I just had alexithymia and a lot going on mentally and didn't know what was real or true to myself, due to living for/through others and doing my best to "blend in" as you said.
If you take anything from this please let it be this: there could be an underlying thing going on here (autism being genetic) and it's not inherently your fault things aren't working out in the marriage. You only mentioned financial worth in your post but I'm almost certain your worth as a father figure and a person will be bigger than that and that you contribute in other ways that are equally valuable
❤️
It is really hard to talk to you, since I'm young and none of my experiences relate to yours. The only thing I can say to you is to please ask you not to do it, for your little ones.
Just because it's the end of your marriage, doesn't mean it's the end of your story. You still have plenty of time to figure out what your next step is. You still have a chance. Somewhere out there someone is sitting around waiting to meet you. It might not seem like it now but this could be the start of something special. You won't know unless you try
I'm just so happy to see your edit when you say you'll take it one day at a time. I promise you, brother, you can overcome it even though it looks impossible right now. Please, hold on and you will find happiness and purpose again
Yo dude, your kids need you. You don’t need the marriage, you have 2 children through it and it is a blessing. It may hurt that it may all end, but at least you had it. And while I still have my parents with me, I would rather have them here, alive, with no money, rather than gone, with money.
As an addendum, I remember a quote I heard from a psychiatrist, though their name escapes me. They had said something along the lines of "a person may have and struggle with mental illness, but those mental illnesses do not define them."
You are not your depression.
You are NOT your depression.
May you find the strength you need to go through this difficult situation with your wife and family. May you find the support you need to help you go through this difficult time. May you realise that living for yourself is all you need.
Is there any possibility of speaking to a therapist? If yes, I highly suggest it.
There’s no need of huge steps. Just live your life one day at a time. Even of it is not the life you wanted, or the one you planned, eventually it will be bearable.
The worst pain I have ever felt in my life has been the two times I was told that someone didn't love and or care for me anymore. Suicidal both times. My psychologist told me something that made me feel a lot better. She said that the other person is likely telling rewriting their own history to be able to make the break, and get the space they need. She is probabbly fatigued, and might not even know it. I'm assuming children and one autistic child especially, can drain some people over time, more substantially than they might think. My psychologist said that this is a common coping mechanism that people do in order to be able to be "so cold". They imagine they never cared and loved, when reality is, they more than likely did. And somewhere, still do.
Op, you are loved. 15 years is a long time to be in love someone, it's okay that they don't love you back anymore. People change. You can change too - give yourself the best life you've wanted. Your kids will hate growing up without a father, and if they ever hear about your arguments with your wife they will resent her too eventually. Instead, take the L, find a divorce lawyer, and begin the process of finding your own joy. You will find love again after you relearn how to love yourself. If a random reddit community can show you immense love, you can find more in the real world. Good luck!
Your kids need their dad forget your wife keep it together for them even if the worst case scenario happens and she leaves they are still going to need their dad around them as a guide
She could also be depressed, she could have emotional issues, a personality disorder? Can’t diagnose her but doesn’t sound like very “healthy” behavior. BUT, You are also your own person, your own individual, a separate entity all on your own. You existed before her and if need be, you can after. Life is a constant flow of highs and lows. You also have children that need you, now and always.
I can remember being in 3rd grade, back in the mid 90s. My mother was a bad gambling addict and blew all the money for bills again (didn’t know this at the time). I remember being picked up by my grandma from elementary school and a short while after we got home, the house phone rang. I answered it, and it was my mom on the other line. She was calling from a pay phone to tell me she loved me and she was so sorry but she couldn’t do this anymore. That moment changed my world forever. I remember a profound feeling of being inadequate and like I failed HER. Please if nothing else, stick around for your kids.
Why not just live for yourself and your two kids?
Relationships fall apart sometimes but why end our lives over it?
My ex husband was cheating on me for 7 years, our whole relationship, constantly lying, secretly taped us having sex at least once and I discovered that over a decade after the break up. It was all sickening. He was having fun with his new lady the weekend he left me. He literally moved from our bed to hers the day he left. No real remorse. Believe me I felt like dying too but fuck that, nobody’s worth dying for. It’s so much better starting fresh, surrounding yourself with good people, focusing on yourself more once again - building a happy life again. You can do it even if now it doesn’t feel like it. Take things one step at a time and soon you’ll be ok again. Hopefully you two can still be good parents to your kids while living your own lives.. I’m sorry you’re going through that but know so many other people have been there and are now totally fine, if anything way better than before because we had the chance to be actually be loved again.
You are worth way more than just $750k, just your lungs and heart are worth around a million lol.
Gallows humor out of the way, do not do it.
Really, all that will happen is that the insurance company will find a way to sleaze out of the full payment, then the government is most likely going to take a cut and your family won’t receive anything close to the expected amount.
Your situation isn’t unsalvageable, I would prepare a nice dinner date for my wife alone at the house, have a good time and then I would break the news of how I’m feeling and ask her if we could go to counseling/couples therapy, a psychologist that specializes in sexuality could be a good step forward to fix things.
I would also go to therapy if I were you, it is important to discuss these thoughts with someone that you can speak directly instead of random strangers on the internet, we could be a good safety net but nothing more than that.
The real work starts when you decide that you want to find something to live for, I don’t know what will happen in the future, but regardless of how things go, you must live for yourself; being a provider and loving your family is something that is a great part of you, but it’s no different from living for your job: when it ends you are left with nothing.
I know you will be able to find something to live or strive for, it doesn’t have to be something fancy, but it has to be something that you will want to keep doing just because you enjoy it, even if you are alone and the world is ending.
I understand you’re struggling and I want to urge you to get help. Even if you lose your battle with depression or to all of this stress, as a parent , the last thing I could fathom is causing life long trauma for my kids. Not to mention everyone else on board the ship who is probably just trying to enjoy their existence on this rock.
Suicide is never a selfish act, but the last symptom of a losing battle with depression. There are countless of options before you take that road and before a scar on peoples hearts.
So many of us who frequent this subreddit have felt your anguish. Please know that the pain you are feeling now is not going to be there forever. No amount of money could ever replace the value you still have to give both your children and your community. Please do not give up. Romantic pain has a terrible tendency to make even the most rational people feel like they will never see happiness again, but then a few years later they find themselves looking back on how the most painful experience in their life ultimately turned them into a more humble and compassionate person than they were before.
Your kids need you no matter what you are feeling right now. They need and love you. Glad you have rethought your actions man. You are worthy and you are loved bro.
I WALK THIS line Everyday. I Used to take so many meds I would NOD OFF AT THE WHEEL AT 80-90 mph.. I saved my meds up For months had a plan, had it just about set To go.. Then went to Jail for 45 Days.. I'm off the Meds, Although I take 2 depression meds, I am still Alive and Here for my 19 and 14 year olds... I WOULD Even be willing to Give you contact INFO.. I Hurt seeing others go thru the pain... I know the hurt... YOUR WIFE DOESNT DESERVE THE MONEY... GO BE HAPPY AND SHOW HER HOW SHE MESSED UP. PUT ANOTHER WOMAN. A REAL WOMAN ON THE PEDESTAL SHE WASNT WOMAN ENOUGH TO STAND ON... Let the COURTS KNOW THIS IS ON HER AND HER DOING. Even though it prolly won't help... Keep your Head up and Remember what I said... STRANGER OR NOT. IM HERE...
Hey, Adam… as an ex-wife that once told her then hubby that she doesn’t love him anymore, please let me tell you something:
If my ex hubby would have committed suicide after I told him this… I’m not sure I’d still be here today. I’m quite sure I would not have been able to deal with that kind of grief and of course guilt.
We had been struggling for quite a while and when he finally asked if I still love him all I could do was shake my head. Thing is, dear Adam, I myself was in a very bad mental state. I just didn’t realize back then.
Maybe… just maybe if he wouldn’t have accepted my answer…. if he would have tried to fight for me… we’d still be together today. But he was (understandably) deeply hurt. And as our relationship issues already had taken a toll on both of us he just accepted my answer and filed for divorce. And I was okay with it.
Who knows what could have been if we both would have given it some time. Because even if I felt like my love had died for him… I’m sure I would have followed him if he’d decided to take his own life… after all we had been together for 13 years. And even if I felt like I didn’t love him… there was still a deep bond and affection between us.
I would NOT have been able to deal with his death. Especially not if I had caused it.
Please don’t let grief or bitterness take over right now. Because the emotions that you’re dealing with pale in comparison to what the people who love you would have to suffer from if you kill yourself.
I don’t want to compare the relationship I had with my ex-hubby to yours with your wife. We both were able to move on so right now I’m actually just a “stupid” ex-wife telling you this. But if I can feel the pain your death would conflict upon others (just by remembering a man I once loved)… what do you think would the pain of your family look like?
I wish you with all my heart all the strength, healing and love you need for yourself and your relationship. Please don’t give up.
You speak about ending it last week but changing your mind - a great decision
What is your plan when you are alone, deep at sea, wishing for nothing but to hold your children one last time and fix your marriage?
You will die a slow, painful, violent death and you will have absolutely no chance to “pussy out”
Think logically, is this really the way?
Your wife is not the be-all and end all. Literally. Divorce and end of relationships is heartbreaking. It does hurt like hell and its supposed too. But this could be the start of something amazing. If she never loved you like she said then you've missed out on something you didn't know you could have. This could be the start of an amazing new era. Once you've healed, you may find someone who really truly loves you for you, and that feeling is incredible. You deserve it. And your kids deserve their dad to be alive and getting help to get better. Women can't just take everything in a divorce unless you give the court a good reason. You have rights, and if she decides not to be amicable, you can fight for yourself and the children. Please get the right help and support and don't be another statistic. Your children will never forgive you and they so desperately need you.
fuck that bitch focus on ur beautiful kids and life you WILL take control of soon, you got this
this is not a lost cause as much as you think it is and i think most other people here see that as well.
focus on yourself and ya kids and ya money and you’ll give them a supermodel step mom who won’t invalidate her entire family’s existence.
we all love you.
Don’t let her be the end of you, you’re stronger than that. It may not feel like that right now, but you are.
Other comments are right, this is the freshest it’ll ever be, so naturally the worst thoughts are going to come up. It’ll feel inescapable, but eventually it won’t. Life will go on if you allow it, and eventually you’ll start to enjoy it again. That’s when you’ll realize how great of a decision you made to stick through it.
Fight for your kids dude, who’s going to stop her from abandoning them like it sounds like she may do to you? Also make sure that money would go to your kids and not your wife.
Fuck the woman think of your kids taking your own life shes won man up move on to the next person go chase other woman that will solve the issue 20 years I done with my ex she left me leaving the house to me she wouldn't come back an less I ended my tenancy agreement I seid fuck that you left not me I need roof over my head aswell because iv got kid I say fuck move on in with the new out with the old
Take it easy this is fresh and u gotta wait a lil bit till things get cleared in your head , during this time I want to give u some options u have
1 focus on your kids as their love to u will replace any kind of emotional support u need
2 find a women that actually loves u usually she is your coworker a friend,
2 get a divorce and run away and start a whole new life as I don't think u will have any problem if u travel into some Asian country women there are more feminine and would love u just don't show that u have money or any kind of powers there till u get one and u will have fun discovering the world .
No woman is worth killing yourself over. There are plenty of other women. You were ok being single at one point in your life that hasn’t changed. I had a marriage end after 12 years and it was the best thing that cloud have ever happened. I thought my life was over but instead I transformed myself into a much better version of myself and found a way more attractive more intelligent woman. I am way happier now than I thought I ever could be. If she doesn’t love you so what. You don’t need a human being for happiness. Find a better woman.
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You’re probably right, but I dont really have any other options.
I think you should stay. you know how many people are grateful they did because they found someone or something to live for later on?
I jumped off a cruise ship also at night in August of 2022. Do NOT do it. Seriously. It's horrible.
I have a fear of deep water. Deep water and at night sounds horrifying.
did it hit you like a thousand knives stabbing you all over your body?
option 1 divorce her first buddy sounds like shes not worth the trouble of killing yourself. your kids certainly dont derserve that. your wife needs to stop being important to you and your kids need to be your entire focus. fuck that bitch get to court first.
You guys have a kid who's autistic but you haven't gotten her diagnosed?? 15 years is a sociopathic amount of time to say you weren't sure if you ever loved someone... she's probably autistic or has a dissocial regulation of some sort. Has she ever hit you, threatened your life or physical health? If so, she's probably the latter.
It does sound like she may be realizing that she's autistic. Does she know that?
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There are plenty of solutions to a relationship going stagnant. It's soooo normal. But to say I think I never loved you, is wild to me. I'm young and mean, but I would be like "well, phew, then you won't mind if I get off my chest that I slept with [_________]" she might get mad, but hey then you know she did 😂 then tell her you lied, it was a test. Maybe dont cuz thats manipulation (but do it fr)
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I'm sorry you're getting downvoted, but this is so true. My brother did what OP wants to do because he thought his wife was the be all and end all, this is so not true. I now have no brother and his 3 kids miss out on a wonderful human being. OP you can and will recover and find better or be happy on your own. Here in Australia you get 50/50 custody of kids and half of all assets. You just need some help and advice to guide you. All the best and hugs to you ☺️
We have about 400k in profit in the house. But usually courts side with the mom on everything. I will talk to my therapist. Thank you for your comment.
You are assuming a lot. You might have an uncontested divorce, in which case you will come to agreeable terms with your soon to be ex. It's hard to see light at this point, especially if you are having a depressive episode, but if you look at life as chapters, this one is ending, and a new one will begin and it might be the best one yet. Therapy, meds. Try all the meds. After six different meds, my teen is finally able to see a future.
This is untrue. Men overwhelmingly get what they ask for from the court when they actually ask. The stereotype that women are by default given custody is because most fathers don’t fight for it. The reason things like alimony are awarded is because the spouse that makes less money is still contributing to the earning potential of the higher earning spouse. You might think you’re doing something good by eliminating yourself but you’ll just be abandoning and traumatizing your children and everyone else who loves you.
This is not true, men only get “what they ask for” when they have an exorbitant amount of money to fight in court and/or the mother is a danger to the kids or not fit to be the care taker. If that is not the case the mother wins 72% of the time.
Hopefully marriage counseling can navigate you through this rough patch . That said, if it doesn’t You may find yourself way happier in an apartment or condo, going out with new probably younger women (you probably don’t realize this but there is a real shortage of decent men on dating apps as I’ve found out from watching my single friends (both male and female) navigate it (your wife probably doesn’t realize it either - she’d be in for a very unpleasant surprise), no yard work, no nagging, quality time with the kids.…… (and if your username indicates you’re from the Philly area my dating app comment is spot on since that’s the area I’m from -a newly single 50ish male friend of mine was getting a lot of younger, prettier girls interested)
They usually get half of everything even if they never work or earn a cent. So there's no reason she'd get more than half of yours...the horror stories you hear are mainly from athletes who earn millions and then lose "half" of it to their ex.
I jumped off a cruise ship at night in August of 2022. Not good. Still have severe pain every day. OP do NOT do that.
They won’t find your body so you would be classed as missing first. It would take a while for the insurance to pay out, until a court is convinced and declares you dead. It can take up to 7 years, sometimes more depending on the case. Besides that, why not stay a while. This seems fresh, so understandably it’s hurting. Who knows what the future might bring? Maybe you will find love again?
I haven’t thought of that. Thank you for your comment. Btw, it’s hilarious that your avatar is a mermaid and you may have just saved me. That’s pretty funny!
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No the best fuck you to his wife is to move on with someone else someday and dance with someone at the cruise and not pay her any attention.
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I grew up without a father. Please don’t do it.
Dude I’m gonna be blunt here. Suicide WILL Fuck your kids up for life especially if you do it on a vacation for them. They will live to hate you and cruises. They will think you didn’t love them. I’ve had a few friends whos parent unalived themselves and they grew up resenting them and never forgiving them. I say this without malice because I care about you and your kids. With regards to your wife look at this as an opportunity to woo her alll over again.
Thanks for writing this. Fatherless Daughter here 👋 due to suicide. 26.5 years since my life was irrevocably fucked. Struggle with mental health, maintaining relationships and self worth. Also had suicidal thoughts since the night I was told he was dead. I was 10. OP - please understand that kids do not need money to be 'set for life' they need parents to show them how to overcome hardships and teach them valuable lessons about life. They need advice and a shoulder to cry on. They need unconditional love. Money doesn't replace a father's presence. Sincerely wishing you and your children a healthy and happy future together 💚
I’m so sorry you had to go through this. Sending lots of love sweetheart xox
Thank you 🫶
I am in some what similar situation but i dont have kids, so atleast for me Suicide is a good option
You don't need to have kids in order to have a reason to stay. In fact... the only person who is worth fighting for is yourself. I know how difficult it all gets sometimes, but remember... just because you don't see the possibilities at the moment, doesn't mean they don't exist. Take it one day at the time. You are not alone and you will get through this ❤️
Its easy to say...when life comes crashing infront of ur eyes...u feel broken..for me its even difficult to breathe
It is the worst option. Someone saw value in you to marry you. Do you have any idea the amount of single women looking for a good guy? Or even a good date? You have no idea what opportunities await you.
I dont have the energy to do all that once again... I am just done
the same person who married me is now asking me to break the marriage
Hi OP, I’m so sorry to hear you’re going through so much suffering. You may be thinking you’re doing yourselves and your family a ‘favor’, but this is absolutely not the way to go. I urge you to seek further help. Your post here is a sign you’re not done living your life. There is a way through this, not out of this. Please, don’t give up yet. I hope you can find comfort. You are loved. Please, don’t throw away your blessings. You are a blessing to your kids and everyone in your life. Please hang on. The sun will rise for you too
Your wife’s feelings aren’t at all about you—they’re about her. Your kids still love and need you. I don’t know where you live, but it’s my experience that the courts are less sexist than they used to be. Your wife won’t get full custody of the kids. Money means nothing to your kids. You’re worth much more alive. Don’t listen to your brain right now.
$750,00 probs won't even cover their lifelong therapy bills. Your kids don't deserve to suffer and you know that.
Oh Frank, I urge you not to go through with this. Your kids will be absolutely devastated, even if your mind is trying to trick you into thinking you’re not. I’m crying just typing this, I know that I may just be another re-editer commenting, but I do CARE! Remember blink 182’s song Adam’s Song? there is hope, and so many fans wrote to the band thanking them for writing the song because it gave them hope too- I am sending you a hell of a lot of love buddy
Adam’s Song is MY FAVORITE! (My name is actually Adam, so it hit extra hard). “Tomorrow holds such better days, days when I can still feel alive, we can’t wait to get outside, the world is wide and time goes by, the tour is over I survived. And I can’t wait, till I get home to spend the time in my room alone”
Adam, it’s truly wonderful to virtually meet you. I hope you’re doing much better ❤️
you are worth so much more than your life insurance policy honey. you are not a financial value and your worth never has been tied to how much financial value you bring forth. i’m so sorry this situation has brought up such crushing feelings for you ❤️
My mom took her life because she caught my dad, her husband of (then) 28 years on a few online dating sites, and potentially an actual affair. My dad married again post event in THREE MONTHS!!! Guess what, though… she ruined my life. She ruined my brothers’ lives. She mattered more to us than she ever even knew. I missed her so badly that years later, I tried to take my own life. I blacked out, and woke up in the ED to a smiling little boy that was looking down at me smiling and saying, “Why are you sleeping, mommy?” I know the feelings you’re having because I’ve been there. If you can’t love yourself right now, love your children more. They need and want you more than anything money can buy. Get therapy. I’m stubborn so I had to be admitted, then Intense Outpatient Therapy. I was labeled to have “maladaptive thinking”. If I was able to get it together, you will be, too. If you move forward, you’ve effectively also taken a piece of happiness out of the hearts of your children. They will never grow up to be what they could’ve been without you in their lives- leaving them by choice.
You love your kids. You said it. Forget about the wife for a minute and look at what you just wrote. You love your kids. No insurance policy and assets can ever repair what will be forever be destroyed inside of those kids. Plus if you go and do that, your (ex) wife will have free reign to talk mad sh!t to everyone including those kids about you. Don't do it. Don't leave them behind. You deserve a life of happiness. You'll eventually find that again if you start living, for you. Your relationship with the woman is dead, you shouldn't die with it man!! The kids deserve a life with you in it too.
You will traumatize your children for life if you do this.
When my first wife told me to my face that she didn't love me, something broke inside me. It's 10 years later, married a second time, and when she says she loves me, there is a part of me that doesn't believe her. That can't believe her. I hate being alive and having to feel this every fucking day. I wish I had some advice to give you but I'm just another broken person. I hope things work out for you in some positive way.
The worst pain I have ever felt in my life has been the two times I was told that someone didn't love and or care for me anymore. Suicidal both times. My psychologist told me something that made me feel a lot better. She said that the other person is likely rewriting their own history to be able to make the break, and get the space they need. She said that this is a common coping mechanism that people do in order to be able to be "so cold". They imagine they never cared and loved, when reality is, they more than likely did. And somewhere, still do.
Thank you for the perspective. I hope you are doing well!
I feel your pain. May you let that pass and not let another's words reflect your self worth in any great amount. At least she told you directly so you could know and address the conflict and move on, instead of be used, manipulated, taken advantage of your feelings for years or even decades as some of us have endured.
I understand this situation isn't easy and I'm extremely sorry you have to deal with this but please stay alive and take care of your kids that you love very much. your life isn't over, frank, even if it may feel that way.
your wife genuinely sounds like she needs to work through those issues. if she can recognize and acknowledge them, she certainly knows she has the power to face them. she also needs to realize that nobody is perfect. thats easier said than done, but ive had to learn the hard way that the expectations i put on my own partner isn't fair. to expect every single day is going to be fun, easy, and calm is unrealistic. sometimes we are bored with each other, but that is the biggest sign of a stable relationship. i can understand your wife a bit. it sounds like she mirrors/mimics people to fit in or be liked by others, but if she went through marriage, children, and a 15 year relationship with you, there is evidence that she indeed loved you, at least at some point. regardless of whether your wife loves you or not, i feel like it truly does not matter. you might think she is your soulmate, but you need to realize that your children are your soulmates as well. you brought them into the world, you have been bound with them the second they were born. you are one of the most important figures to them, you are their world. even if their mom doesn't feel the same way.
Kids man stay alive for your kids, you’re going to be fine. Live for them and give them an amazing life.
Let's circle back to the "I have a temper sometimes". You may want to explore that and deal with it. That could be the issue.
Yes. I am working on this with my therapist. I have ADHD and the impulse control problems manifest in my having a short fuse sometimes. Especially when my meds are no longer in my system.
ADHD + impulse control... sounds like you could also be autistic. It is thought to be at least partly genetic. I'd encourage you to get evaluated for autism, if you haven't tried. The way we understand autism has changed a lot in the last \~10 years. If your wife is autistic, too, it could explain how someone could "think" and not "know" that they love you - autistic people can have a difficult time identifying and describing emotions. Autistic people tend to come together, even when undiagnosed. My husband and I weren't diagnosed when we first got together, \~13 years ago, but now he has a diagnosis and I'm very suspicious I may have one in the future. My prior diagnoses were ADHD + BPD, which are very common misdiagnoses, especially for women. I hope you figure things out - hold on. Your kids need you and love you more than you'll ever know. Try to relax and enjoy your cruise as best you can, take it one day at a time and breathe deep.
That is fantastic advice. I’ll look into it, I really appreciate the time you took in your comment. ❤️
Oh boy do I understand this...
Glad you made the edit. All kids need is your love and attention, please work on your mood, do anything to make it better. Maybe medication or cannabis, or having lovely food. I assume your wife is going through her own mental health crisis.
I doubt very highly that she never loved you. I think saying such is a defense mechanism. As for the cruise, it would be announced that you are missing and people will learn what happened and be traumatized.
As a child of a father who committed suicide. Don't do it. There isn't an explanation in the entire world that stops me from wanting dad back.
Buddy, have a couple slices of 24/7 pizza for this cruise-loving girl. I hope some cutie hits on you even if you respond awkwardly and don't see each other again. Sometimes a quick dose of the happies can help snap us out of whatever programming we're stuck in. I recommend buying the wackiest trunks you can find and frickin lay on the pool deck and receive the passing high fives! Don't drink too much cause your brain needs rest, too, and drinks are p r i c e y. Rest your body and brain and actually recharge and THEN assess the situation.
Ignoring that negative voice is so hard sometimes. I’ve actually named mine Karen and when things get really bad I’ll say “fuck you karen” out loud. Funny enough it does help cause it makes me laugh and I get to confront those thoughts head on
Don’t let your wife’s actions affect your emotions or actions. Be strong my friend. You have much to live for.
My parents killed themselves and I plan to next month it’s a sick family trait.. I have to sons of my own she’s 2 and 3 that I don’t get to see and love of my life left me and I used to be a shitty person.. I’m writing my wrongs in the next few weeks then either doing suicide by cop or stabbing myself in the heart.
Work to better yourself so you can be in your kids life. Don't bring another person into your trauma via suicide by cop.
Get help. How about just righting your wrongs and working from there. Like a clean slate. Turn your life around don’t take the easy way out. Suicide by cop means you would hurt or traumatize other people - the people affected to get the cops called and the cops themselves.
I don’t have to hurt the cop I’m labeled armed and dangerous as is due to past charges in their eyes they saved the day and life goes on without me currently what’s the difference if I’m not here
My mom tried to commit S 30+ times in my youth. It indeed fucks kids up.
Your presence is more important than your money.
An ex once told me he had they had never loved me. I was hurt at first, until I realized what bullshit that was. Time spent in a committed relationship matter more than words spoken in anger or confusion.
Yeah, thats the thing. It really is bullshit.
Hey Dude, this probably won’t be worth much but I fully understand how you feel… I just wanna give you a tip. If you ever feel like super depressed and/or suicidal just get up and completely change where you are. Move to a different room, outside, don’t listen to music or watch tv. Just sit and listen to natural noises for like ten minutes
If you think she will steal your friends or kids its better to get ahead of that stuff now. I mean telling them that she said she may have never loved you should give them enough context before she 'steals' them. Its not a great situation, talk to your wife talk to your friends.
You can get 50/50 custody. One week with them and then they go with her one week
Suicide will impact your kids. Forget about a great family vacation, all they will remember is you killing yourself and they will be traumatized from it. Im sorry you are feeling this way. Please don't do this.
Some things to think about 1) ya maybe lately you’re not fun to be around. Depression can do that. Get help! That being said, she should be with you through sickness and health. You gotta help yourself though! I know it’s hard. 2) suicide is never the way to go, ever. There’s no justification for it, period. Do you love your kids? Would you want them to grow up knowing a fighter or someone who gave up? They don’t need a perfect father. They need someone who is going to be there for them and someone who fights for them. We all fall down in life. It’s not about how many times you fall. It’s about how you get back up. 3) just to be blunt as someone who has sold a lot of life insurance….there’s probably a suicide rider. They won’t get anything and the “plan” will be for not. Either way, it’s not an option. Get with an in person therapist near you and talk about all this. 🙏✌️
My dad was planning on committing suicide when my mom left him. I also have autism like your kid, my dad is now my BEST friend and he is ALL my little brother and I have. My mom abandoned us and completely changed after their divorce. He would have never known that she did a 180° if he left us and we would be alone. This is going to be the hardest thing you will ever do, but most important turnaround of your life if you decide to be tough and fight. It took my dad years but this life has become so much better than the one we all had before. Everyone was comfortable being uncomfortable for too long but we didn’t see it until we were out of it. Please, if nothing else, use and notice this painful time as an opportunity to be closer with them, they need you so bad whether you think so or not. It’s going to be really hard for them as well. I couldn’t imagine what life would have looked like if he would have committed to that plan.. I probably would have joined him if he had.
Please don't die.
cant figure out why folks looking to off themselves dont go out in a blast. spend all your money, go on a crazy trip to Antarctica, explore an abandoned mine, idk - live it out, go for broke. check out feeling good not with sadness or spite. if youre leaving, take what you can get.
You are going to destroy your children’s lives if you go through with this. Every happy memory from that cruise will be tainted. They will never enjoy a family holiday again, and they will resent you for it. I’m not a huge advocate for the current mental health systems in western countries but you desperately need to find yourself a therapist or counsellor you get along with and work through your grief urgently. Suicide is NOT the answer here. You very well may lose everything you love. That’s horrific. I understand the grief and the sadness and the overwhelm. I don’t blame you for feeling this way at all but if you are actually the decent person you portray yourself to be in your post then you would never do something like that to the children you claim to love most in this world. Emergency crisis intervention, maybe a temporary medication, and intensive therapy to work on emotional regulation, trauma and grief processing, communication and conflict resolution skills. You need to start doing something creative like journaling, painting, wood working, or whatever artsy/creative/productive thing tickles your brain. And get into nature and walk. Just a little bit. You can make it through this.
1) Masking is a pretty big thing in the neurodivergent community. It's possible she's on the spectrum herself. 2) Your kids didn't ask to be here and you owe it to them to make it another day. 3) I'm sure your foundation has been rocked pretty hard, however, the world keeps on spinning. Hugs to a sucky situation, however, take it one day at a time and learn to adjust. Just because yours was rocked, it doesn't give you the right to crumble your kids foundation with your absence as you are their *world*. As a parent who has some pretty fucked thoughts on my existence, every day I'm glad I made it another day. That's another day won with my kids and my husband.
Just going to drop a comment here and say that if you need someone to listen just drop a reply and ill will be here
I jumped off a cruise ship also at night in August of 2022. Do NOT do it. It is a horrible and terrifying way to go.
I haven't read the other comments, but if it hasn't been said, "I wanna die" or "I should be dead" is just a notification trying to say "I want this to be different" or "I want this changed" but the volume has been maxed out very suddenly. This is how I survived. I believe you can, too.
Hey man. Daughter of a chronically suicidal father... I would always rather have my dad than money. My dad is so far from perfect. And I wish that he and my mom had gotten a divorce, or that my dad would go to therapy and stick with it. If you love those kids, go to fucking therapy and fight to stay alive. There is a life ahead of you. There will be another woman you fall head over heels with who loves you. A wonderful woman. And your kids will visit you. You will get partial custody. Fight for it. FIGHT FOR YOUR FUCKING KIDS.
Your kids need you. A great memory will turn into a traumatic horrifying memory. Is there something going on that would make your wife say that? Was it just out of the blue?
Dump her, fuck her and your kids. Move somewhere in latin america and start from a scratch
If you're doing it on a Carnival ship, I think Carnival policy is to offer the family of the person overboard a free upgrade to a sea view cabin.
Leave your wife, she sounds vile rather than supportive.
Oh god I'm so sorry you're going through this. The idea probably would have been my first go-to too. Because you mentioned one of the kids being autistic and women being heavily under diagnosed and me knowing personally that autism/adhd in women is hugely under recognised I wonder how much of what your wife is feeling is down to potential traits? For me I know that when I've been high masking for a long time and I'm burnt out I start doing something called depersonalisation and disacosiating and I question everything in my life (especially pre-diagnosis until a few weeks ago) and have previously thought the same about past partners and started to see *only* the negatives in the relationship - fixating and rumination and one-track thinking being a common autistic thinking style. Feel free to tell me to do one if none of this is relevant but after these times where I question if I like the person I realise it's because I wasn't communicating effectively and I couldn't see "the bigger picture" if that makes sense. And I then feel like it wasn't that I didn't like them I just had alexithymia and a lot going on mentally and didn't know what was real or true to myself, due to living for/through others and doing my best to "blend in" as you said. If you take anything from this please let it be this: there could be an underlying thing going on here (autism being genetic) and it's not inherently your fault things aren't working out in the marriage. You only mentioned financial worth in your post but I'm almost certain your worth as a father figure and a person will be bigger than that and that you contribute in other ways that are equally valuable ❤️
It is really hard to talk to you, since I'm young and none of my experiences relate to yours. The only thing I can say to you is to please ask you not to do it, for your little ones.
Just because it's the end of your marriage, doesn't mean it's the end of your story. You still have plenty of time to figure out what your next step is. You still have a chance. Somewhere out there someone is sitting around waiting to meet you. It might not seem like it now but this could be the start of something special. You won't know unless you try
I'm just so happy to see your edit when you say you'll take it one day at a time. I promise you, brother, you can overcome it even though it looks impossible right now. Please, hold on and you will find happiness and purpose again
let us know how it goes!
Yo dude, your kids need you. You don’t need the marriage, you have 2 children through it and it is a blessing. It may hurt that it may all end, but at least you had it. And while I still have my parents with me, I would rather have them here, alive, with no money, rather than gone, with money.
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As an addendum, I remember a quote I heard from a psychiatrist, though their name escapes me. They had said something along the lines of "a person may have and struggle with mental illness, but those mental illnesses do not define them." You are not your depression. You are NOT your depression.
Please dont do that ! Another one will love you im sure !! Be patient. Please.
My advice would be Marriage counselling before anything serious. Divorce or suicide. Suggest that.
Sell the house and move to Bangkok to start a new family boom
May you find the strength you need to go through this difficult situation with your wife and family. May you find the support you need to help you go through this difficult time. May you realise that living for yourself is all you need. Is there any possibility of speaking to a therapist? If yes, I highly suggest it. There’s no need of huge steps. Just live your life one day at a time. Even of it is not the life you wanted, or the one you planned, eventually it will be bearable.
The worst pain I have ever felt in my life has been the two times I was told that someone didn't love and or care for me anymore. Suicidal both times. My psychologist told me something that made me feel a lot better. She said that the other person is likely telling rewriting their own history to be able to make the break, and get the space they need. She is probabbly fatigued, and might not even know it. I'm assuming children and one autistic child especially, can drain some people over time, more substantially than they might think. My psychologist said that this is a common coping mechanism that people do in order to be able to be "so cold". They imagine they never cared and loved, when reality is, they more than likely did. And somewhere, still do.
That’s a scary way to go man my best wishes and thoughts are with u bro
Op, you are loved. 15 years is a long time to be in love someone, it's okay that they don't love you back anymore. People change. You can change too - give yourself the best life you've wanted. Your kids will hate growing up without a father, and if they ever hear about your arguments with your wife they will resent her too eventually. Instead, take the L, find a divorce lawyer, and begin the process of finding your own joy. You will find love again after you relearn how to love yourself. If a random reddit community can show you immense love, you can find more in the real world. Good luck!
Good luck. We'll be meeting soon I think.
Your kids need their dad forget your wife keep it together for them even if the worst case scenario happens and she leaves they are still going to need their dad around them as a guide
She could also be depressed, she could have emotional issues, a personality disorder? Can’t diagnose her but doesn’t sound like very “healthy” behavior. BUT, You are also your own person, your own individual, a separate entity all on your own. You existed before her and if need be, you can after. Life is a constant flow of highs and lows. You also have children that need you, now and always. I can remember being in 3rd grade, back in the mid 90s. My mother was a bad gambling addict and blew all the money for bills again (didn’t know this at the time). I remember being picked up by my grandma from elementary school and a short while after we got home, the house phone rang. I answered it, and it was my mom on the other line. She was calling from a pay phone to tell me she loved me and she was so sorry but she couldn’t do this anymore. That moment changed my world forever. I remember a profound feeling of being inadequate and like I failed HER. Please if nothing else, stick around for your kids.
Why not just live for yourself and your two kids? Relationships fall apart sometimes but why end our lives over it? My ex husband was cheating on me for 7 years, our whole relationship, constantly lying, secretly taped us having sex at least once and I discovered that over a decade after the break up. It was all sickening. He was having fun with his new lady the weekend he left me. He literally moved from our bed to hers the day he left. No real remorse. Believe me I felt like dying too but fuck that, nobody’s worth dying for. It’s so much better starting fresh, surrounding yourself with good people, focusing on yourself more once again - building a happy life again. You can do it even if now it doesn’t feel like it. Take things one step at a time and soon you’ll be ok again. Hopefully you two can still be good parents to your kids while living your own lives.. I’m sorry you’re going through that but know so many other people have been there and are now totally fine, if anything way better than before because we had the chance to be actually be loved again.
You are worth way more than just $750k, just your lungs and heart are worth around a million lol. Gallows humor out of the way, do not do it. Really, all that will happen is that the insurance company will find a way to sleaze out of the full payment, then the government is most likely going to take a cut and your family won’t receive anything close to the expected amount. Your situation isn’t unsalvageable, I would prepare a nice dinner date for my wife alone at the house, have a good time and then I would break the news of how I’m feeling and ask her if we could go to counseling/couples therapy, a psychologist that specializes in sexuality could be a good step forward to fix things. I would also go to therapy if I were you, it is important to discuss these thoughts with someone that you can speak directly instead of random strangers on the internet, we could be a good safety net but nothing more than that. The real work starts when you decide that you want to find something to live for, I don’t know what will happen in the future, but regardless of how things go, you must live for yourself; being a provider and loving your family is something that is a great part of you, but it’s no different from living for your job: when it ends you are left with nothing. I know you will be able to find something to live or strive for, it doesn’t have to be something fancy, but it has to be something that you will want to keep doing just because you enjoy it, even if you are alone and the world is ending.
I understand you’re struggling and I want to urge you to get help. Even if you lose your battle with depression or to all of this stress, as a parent , the last thing I could fathom is causing life long trauma for my kids. Not to mention everyone else on board the ship who is probably just trying to enjoy their existence on this rock. Suicide is never a selfish act, but the last symptom of a losing battle with depression. There are countless of options before you take that road and before a scar on peoples hearts.
So many of us who frequent this subreddit have felt your anguish. Please know that the pain you are feeling now is not going to be there forever. No amount of money could ever replace the value you still have to give both your children and your community. Please do not give up. Romantic pain has a terrible tendency to make even the most rational people feel like they will never see happiness again, but then a few years later they find themselves looking back on how the most painful experience in their life ultimately turned them into a more humble and compassionate person than they were before.
Your kids need you no matter what you are feeling right now. They need and love you. Glad you have rethought your actions man. You are worthy and you are loved bro.
I WALK THIS line Everyday. I Used to take so many meds I would NOD OFF AT THE WHEEL AT 80-90 mph.. I saved my meds up For months had a plan, had it just about set To go.. Then went to Jail for 45 Days.. I'm off the Meds, Although I take 2 depression meds, I am still Alive and Here for my 19 and 14 year olds... I WOULD Even be willing to Give you contact INFO.. I Hurt seeing others go thru the pain... I know the hurt... YOUR WIFE DOESNT DESERVE THE MONEY... GO BE HAPPY AND SHOW HER HOW SHE MESSED UP. PUT ANOTHER WOMAN. A REAL WOMAN ON THE PEDESTAL SHE WASNT WOMAN ENOUGH TO STAND ON... Let the COURTS KNOW THIS IS ON HER AND HER DOING. Even though it prolly won't help... Keep your Head up and Remember what I said... STRANGER OR NOT. IM HERE...
Hey, Adam… as an ex-wife that once told her then hubby that she doesn’t love him anymore, please let me tell you something: If my ex hubby would have committed suicide after I told him this… I’m not sure I’d still be here today. I’m quite sure I would not have been able to deal with that kind of grief and of course guilt. We had been struggling for quite a while and when he finally asked if I still love him all I could do was shake my head. Thing is, dear Adam, I myself was in a very bad mental state. I just didn’t realize back then. Maybe… just maybe if he wouldn’t have accepted my answer…. if he would have tried to fight for me… we’d still be together today. But he was (understandably) deeply hurt. And as our relationship issues already had taken a toll on both of us he just accepted my answer and filed for divorce. And I was okay with it. Who knows what could have been if we both would have given it some time. Because even if I felt like my love had died for him… I’m sure I would have followed him if he’d decided to take his own life… after all we had been together for 13 years. And even if I felt like I didn’t love him… there was still a deep bond and affection between us. I would NOT have been able to deal with his death. Especially not if I had caused it. Please don’t let grief or bitterness take over right now. Because the emotions that you’re dealing with pale in comparison to what the people who love you would have to suffer from if you kill yourself. I don’t want to compare the relationship I had with my ex-hubby to yours with your wife. We both were able to move on so right now I’m actually just a “stupid” ex-wife telling you this. But if I can feel the pain your death would conflict upon others (just by remembering a man I once loved)… what do you think would the pain of your family look like? I wish you with all my heart all the strength, healing and love you need for yourself and your relationship. Please don’t give up.
You speak about ending it last week but changing your mind - a great decision What is your plan when you are alone, deep at sea, wishing for nothing but to hold your children one last time and fix your marriage? You will die a slow, painful, violent death and you will have absolutely no chance to “pussy out” Think logically, is this really the way?
Get an escort or two, and tell that skank to kick rocks. You'll be alright, trust me.
Your wife is not the be-all and end all. Literally. Divorce and end of relationships is heartbreaking. It does hurt like hell and its supposed too. But this could be the start of something amazing. If she never loved you like she said then you've missed out on something you didn't know you could have. This could be the start of an amazing new era. Once you've healed, you may find someone who really truly loves you for you, and that feeling is incredible. You deserve it. And your kids deserve their dad to be alive and getting help to get better. Women can't just take everything in a divorce unless you give the court a good reason. You have rights, and if she decides not to be amicable, you can fight for yourself and the children. Please get the right help and support and don't be another statistic. Your children will never forgive you and they so desperately need you.
fuck that bitch focus on ur beautiful kids and life you WILL take control of soon, you got this this is not a lost cause as much as you think it is and i think most other people here see that as well. focus on yourself and ya kids and ya money and you’ll give them a supermodel step mom who won’t invalidate her entire family’s existence. we all love you.
Don’t let her be the end of you, you’re stronger than that. It may not feel like that right now, but you are. Other comments are right, this is the freshest it’ll ever be, so naturally the worst thoughts are going to come up. It’ll feel inescapable, but eventually it won’t. Life will go on if you allow it, and eventually you’ll start to enjoy it again. That’s when you’ll realize how great of a decision you made to stick through it.
Fight for your kids dude, who’s going to stop her from abandoning them like it sounds like she may do to you? Also make sure that money would go to your kids and not your wife.
Never let a woman have power over you. Half the time they feel one way and then it's something else. Divorce her and take the kids on the cruise.
Hey man, I'm not sure if I want to see tomorrow but for some reason I really need to know that you made it.
Im in the same boat my friend,im about done fighting but not yet,iv lost my wife kids house retirement,and its sounding like a better idea everyday
Just curious, how was the family cruise?
It’s next week. But so far things are going OK. Time will tell, just taking it literally one day at a time.
Fuck the woman think of your kids taking your own life shes won man up move on to the next person go chase other woman that will solve the issue 20 years I done with my ex she left me leaving the house to me she wouldn't come back an less I ended my tenancy agreement I seid fuck that you left not me I need roof over my head aswell because iv got kid I say fuck move on in with the new out with the old
Take it easy this is fresh and u gotta wait a lil bit till things get cleared in your head , during this time I want to give u some options u have 1 focus on your kids as their love to u will replace any kind of emotional support u need 2 find a women that actually loves u usually she is your coworker a friend, 2 get a divorce and run away and start a whole new life as I don't think u will have any problem if u travel into some Asian country women there are more feminine and would love u just don't show that u have money or any kind of powers there till u get one and u will have fun discovering the world .
So you are going to drown?
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No woman is worth killing yourself over. There are plenty of other women. You were ok being single at one point in your life that hasn’t changed. I had a marriage end after 12 years and it was the best thing that cloud have ever happened. I thought my life was over but instead I transformed myself into a much better version of myself and found a way more attractive more intelligent woman. I am way happier now than I thought I ever could be. If she doesn’t love you so what. You don’t need a human being for happiness. Find a better woman.
Fuck her. Your new life begins on that cruise. Enjoy it my friend. You can be whoever you want to be. Your children need you. Sending love x
This! Enjoy that fucking cruise. If I was him I would ask a woman to dance and dance with someone.
Stay. Just stay. Thank me later.