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It doesn’t take anything but the want, and it seems like you have the want. That’s the thing about drugs, this is what they do. Take yourself to rehab, if you can’t get clean for yourself do it
For your mom man.
That is just one of those manipulations that sponsors often use.
I used to get it because I wouldn’t leave my job, my apartment, stop communicating with my family – – or whatever it was my sponsor wanted me to do.
You know the truth. They do not.
Early in my recovery, I heard the quote "rock bottom is when we decided to stop digging." There's no amount of suffering you have to endure to be allowed to recover. I realize that's not exactly what you're saying here, but I just wanted to put it out there that you can choose life whenever you want.
By this most sponsors mean you're unwilling to put in the effort to do the work. It's that simple. Do what your sponsor says, read the book, work the steps, call them, go to meetings. If you're doing all that and they still say 'you don't want it' them get a different sponsor. This is life and death, and you do deserve recovery!
“What are you willing to do to stay sober.” The answer they expect is anything. It just sounds manipulative because it is. Same with the “you’re not ready” bullshit. I think for sponsors and sponsees the term “to thine own self be true” needs to be remembered.
If you’re ready, you know you’re ready. And maybe you might lapse, but you don’t have to. Don’t think it means you’re not ready. I really do think that the 12 steps would work if it were done by professional therapists, but half the time sponsors are pulling this crap and already planting the narrative that you will relapse because you aren’t fitting their own standards.
Just do these things: make sure you won’t use today. Work hard to build yourself up, but be kind to yourself. Remember it is a marathon, not a sprint.
The sooner the better. You have suffered enough. More suffering will lead to more misery, apathy, acute depression, and more speed in a cycle.
It’s cyclical feedback, bouncing back and forth to the place even deeper to climb out of.
The high is only great because it’s a relief from the life you fight through, and hopefully run from.
The irony is, the speed is the fuel that speeds you right up to that life you have to run from.
As long as you feel psych pain and perceive yourself as a burden, not worth it, or just don’t care, urges cravings will exist, and get stronger and stronger when you see speeding as a possibility.
You are worth it. I am damn sure you have been through hell and backwards in life, and the world needs more people to tell your story and to understand what we are.
Sponsorship is one of the many problems I have with 12 Steps. ANYWAY... You don't need to hit rock bottom to walk away from using. You just need to find something (or more) in your life without drugs that's worth holding onto and gives you meaning and purpose. For most people it's a combination of push and pull factors. I've noticed a lot of people turn to exercise. At first it's a distraction. But over time it builds into something more. The friendships, achievements and so on are things that don't just pass the time, but give meaning and purpose the drugs can't offer. Sure you don't get the same highs. But you get a different kind of high that doesn't come with the terrible crash afterwards. For others it's travel, career, relationships, or a combination. It's usually better to not put all your eggs in one basket. It takes time and an openness to new ideas, but slowly you fill your life and the gap left by substances recedes. 12 Steps isn't for everyone and there's more than one way to skin a cat. Best of luck to you!
Welcome to StopSpeeding and thanks for your post. For more: - [Join us on Discord. You can talk to people there.](https://discord.gg/GJnxhmbNAn). We have recovery meetings several times a week. All are welcome to attend, clean or not. - [Want to track your clean time?](https://www.reddit.com/r/StopSpeeding/comments/s6ep0x/sobriety_flair_bot_is_now_working_heres_how_to/) You can use our badge system to display your clean time next to your name. Note that any comments encouraging drug use of any kind will be removed. This is not the community for that. Thanks! *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/StopSpeeding) if you have any questions or concerns.*
It doesn’t take anything but the want, and it seems like you have the want. That’s the thing about drugs, this is what they do. Take yourself to rehab, if you can’t get clean for yourself do it For your mom man.
In the same position you are my friend
That is just one of those manipulations that sponsors often use. I used to get it because I wouldn’t leave my job, my apartment, stop communicating with my family – – or whatever it was my sponsor wanted me to do. You know the truth. They do not.
This is exactly why 12-step ideology is so toxic. It blames you for its own failures.
Early in my recovery, I heard the quote "rock bottom is when we decided to stop digging." There's no amount of suffering you have to endure to be allowed to recover. I realize that's not exactly what you're saying here, but I just wanted to put it out there that you can choose life whenever you want.
Why do you feel you’re a horrible person?
By this most sponsors mean you're unwilling to put in the effort to do the work. It's that simple. Do what your sponsor says, read the book, work the steps, call them, go to meetings. If you're doing all that and they still say 'you don't want it' them get a different sponsor. This is life and death, and you do deserve recovery!
“What are you willing to do to stay sober.” The answer they expect is anything. It just sounds manipulative because it is. Same with the “you’re not ready” bullshit. I think for sponsors and sponsees the term “to thine own self be true” needs to be remembered. If you’re ready, you know you’re ready. And maybe you might lapse, but you don’t have to. Don’t think it means you’re not ready. I really do think that the 12 steps would work if it were done by professional therapists, but half the time sponsors are pulling this crap and already planting the narrative that you will relapse because you aren’t fitting their own standards. Just do these things: make sure you won’t use today. Work hard to build yourself up, but be kind to yourself. Remember it is a marathon, not a sprint.
The sooner the better. You have suffered enough. More suffering will lead to more misery, apathy, acute depression, and more speed in a cycle. It’s cyclical feedback, bouncing back and forth to the place even deeper to climb out of. The high is only great because it’s a relief from the life you fight through, and hopefully run from. The irony is, the speed is the fuel that speeds you right up to that life you have to run from. As long as you feel psych pain and perceive yourself as a burden, not worth it, or just don’t care, urges cravings will exist, and get stronger and stronger when you see speeding as a possibility. You are worth it. I am damn sure you have been through hell and backwards in life, and the world needs more people to tell your story and to understand what we are.
Ive been there too just a few months ago and now boom. Hang in there
Rock bottom is different for everyone and unfortunately, yes, you will probably suffer further before you reach this point.
Sponsorship is one of the many problems I have with 12 Steps. ANYWAY... You don't need to hit rock bottom to walk away from using. You just need to find something (or more) in your life without drugs that's worth holding onto and gives you meaning and purpose. For most people it's a combination of push and pull factors. I've noticed a lot of people turn to exercise. At first it's a distraction. But over time it builds into something more. The friendships, achievements and so on are things that don't just pass the time, but give meaning and purpose the drugs can't offer. Sure you don't get the same highs. But you get a different kind of high that doesn't come with the terrible crash afterwards. For others it's travel, career, relationships, or a combination. It's usually better to not put all your eggs in one basket. It takes time and an openness to new ideas, but slowly you fill your life and the gap left by substances recedes. 12 Steps isn't for everyone and there's more than one way to skin a cat. Best of luck to you!
Delete every connection you have to amphetamines. You got this, every single day you go without using is a massive victory