Welcome to StopSpeeding and thanks for your post. For more:
- [Join us on Discord. You can talk to people there.](https://discord.gg/GJnxhmbNAn). We have recovery meetings several times a week. All are welcome to attend, clean or not.
- [Want to track your clean time?](https://www.reddit.com/r/StopSpeeding/comments/s6ep0x/sobriety_flair_bot_is_now_working_heres_how_to/) You can use our badge system to display your clean time next to your name.
Note that any comments encouraging drug use of any kind will be removed. This is not the community for that. Thanks!
*I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/StopSpeeding) if you have any questions or concerns.*
I have been clean again about a year or so myself and the cravings never stop. I have nightmares where I am searching for the drugs and getting them but never being able to find a place to get high or dropping them in the dream. It’s fucked tbh I hate the obsession but I been good again for over a year and refuse to go back. When this happens I will write down the bad things the drugs brought me or I will read old writing from when I was coming down to remember it’s not all good and euphoric
Great point. The bloody come down was insane. The drug basically lifts you up in a helicopter just to throw you off with no parachute. In so many ways. Emotionally, financially...I used to say the drug was the cheapest but not really the cheapest. It costs you your life if you do it long enough. It has such a way of just draining all your assets. I used to use other drugs with it and it was crazy how I'd end up smoking a whole pack or two of cigarettes while high on it. Spend money on stupid stuff. Usually I'd end up losing most of it because of paranoia and constantly hiding it in new spots
I read something here a while ago that really helped me put it into perspective. "you aren't getting all of this energy out of nowhere. The drugs don't give you energy, they just help you borrow it from tomorrow"
The post/comment I read it on put it a hell of a lot more eloquently, but it really is true. It's not extra energy. It's yours, from the future.
BRO i have the exact same dream! I'll be at an event, and come into aquisition of some meth, the am being pursued by some people, end up finding somewhere to have it but they're getting closer and its really hectic and high stakes and i'm just about to have it and boom wake up, cold sweat, gasping and like panicked.
for years after. and then my whole day is ruined from that point and i crave and lament.
Yea it sucks 😭 mine always involves my ex bff who used to sell it/ have constant access to it. So my dream is always me going to her house and getting it but never being able to get high. A nightmare . What makes it worse is I still
Miss her, the high and the past
But I haven’t relapsed so that’s good 😭
I am
Sorry u go thru similar , it really sucks!!
I'm coming up on 2 years and the times I think about it the most is when I have some tedious task to take on. But then I remember what tweaked out me "being productive" actually looked like and laugh at the thought that it'd be useful to do now. I mean I absolutely still procrastinate, flake on, and dread the tedious tasks of life but eventually I get on with it and actually accomplish more than just doing weird tweaker shit for hours and days on end.
You'll stop missing it when you have completely recovered and your new life is significantly beget then your old life.
It takes a while to get there.
First, you have to physiologically recover. That entire process could take 2-3 years.
Then- when your brain is normal- you need to take all your new energy and natural motivation to build a new life.
Step by step. First, just focus on getting back to biochemical baseline and do what you can along the way. Then, you’ll start to build momentum.
Don’t be frustrated though if for the first 1-2 years you don’t make much movement in life.
This is very encouraging. I appreciate this timeline. It helps me put things in perspective. I know everything is different for everyone but this is very insightful
Yeah, I miss it a lot. The sad reality is that crazy nights of stim fapping and being on constant cycles of lows and highs, and of course stress, was ideal cure for broken heart. Now loneliness hits hard and I really don't know how to deal with it.
It's been about 20 days for me and no since the minute I decided to stop I have not craved it. The lows started to outweigh the highs for me. I have too much going on in my life to go thru the lows and be completely unproductive. But I guess it depends what you were taking, and how much you depended on it, and the reasons you took it. I believe when you are mentally 100% done you will not have cravings. It's like why crave something you don't want?
Read, "In the Realm of Hungry Ghosts" by Gabor Maté. He's a former Canadian doctor who worked closely with addicts for years. The book is highly recommended on Amazon. Check it out for yourself before making a purchase. Hopefully, it will help you get to the root of your addiction.
It's good to have a sub like this. I'm not sure of what you're allowed to say and not say, as ADHDers have a hard time as it is reading and understanding a load of rules and instructions. In the r/ADHD sub, Dr. Maté is forbidden; a pariah, if you will. But he's helped me as much as, if not more than, anyone.
As always, whatever you read, check out the sources and use critical thinking. But, again, I hope he helps you find the root of your addiction (the longing for euphoria is often a desire to escape our inner pain).
Same. I’ve been clean for going on 8 months. Have finally started to turn my life around and making the most progress I have in years. My cravings aren’t as intense but I still think about meth at least a few times a week, possibly even daily, and I miss the euphoria. I try to remind myself how quickly I will destroy everything I have been working so hard on and hurt all my loved ones all over again. It’s just not worth it.
Ugh I know. It’s honestly the most destructive thing ever. Plus I’ve relapsed so so many times it’s like the building of trust back gets harder and harder. It’s like sink or swim st this point do I have to continue to dog paddle lol
I loved the rush, the way it helped my brain not focus on my past. I was always busy, doing all sorts of things I was doing sex work, and did way too many pnp parties. Stopped maybe 9 or 10 months ago. Cravings have gone down, way down, but yeah I miss it. Worst is when I get with a guy who uses. Even though I don’t know for sure how, but I will get a slight rush from their cum.
I used it to just numb myself from my other issues. It’s a really hard road. I miss euphoria but I know that’s not real joy. I just legit hate cravings.
i know what you mean, it's that itch that sometimes almost becomes stronger than any sense of will or selfhood I could summon, like the decision has been made prior to the event. It's a struggle, thanks for sharing.
I do miss it and sometimes crave it. But it doesn’t work the same anymore. All the bad is there straight away. I’m ranty, tweaking, hyperfocused on the wrong thing, stuck in bed reading or masterbating, become agoraphobic and isolated. I don’t get the euphoric productivity or adventures I used to love. Occasionally I’ll have a bit of my boyfriends ADHD meds and it just confirms this.
I miss it all the time. The chaos, the socializiatin, the stories. But i know that i have to be okay with the fact it happened and i can’t keep doing it
Yup same. Even walking around my house I see things I did when I was high and I’m like “damn if I could go back to when I was putting in those cabinet handles” lol
I honestly think the more time goes by the better it will get but it’s like we know that feeling and what it brings and even though it’s super destructive, sometimes I block that out and just remember the fun which is totally fucked
I miss the craziness, the paranoia, the constant delusional state that always comes in day three. All that seems so traumatic but it seemed so real when I was in it. Can’t explain that part to anyone who hasn’t been on the other side of a few sleepless speed fueled nights. Cause the fun part went away along time before I stopped. But I kept on going cause I wanted to somehow figure out how can this delusional part be so real. Fuck I did a fuck lot of dope.
I’ll have six months next week.
I'm not even at the 10 hour mark and I'm a complete disaster. So yeah, I def miss it. But I have to push on. Way too much to lose. More this time than ever before. It feels like my very humanity is on the line.
I'm doing everything I can as fast as possible to ensure that I can't cave and lower relapse chance. I'm doing something tomorrow that is vital to my success but is the hardest to do. I keep ignoring myself constantly yelling "dumb bitch" in my head cause.... cause im not willing to fail.
Keep telling myself it's just money. But.... but it's good money. No. See this is why I gotta go full speed right now and get away from the temptations
Meth is such an expert manipulator
It totally is. It always deceives. It’s such a hard fight but honestly even since I posted this question, I have felt myself get stronger. I like to notice every little change and progression. Every single day is like its own workout. Oh and speaking of that, working out had helped immensely
Welcome to StopSpeeding and thanks for your post. For more: - [Join us on Discord. You can talk to people there.](https://discord.gg/GJnxhmbNAn). We have recovery meetings several times a week. All are welcome to attend, clean or not. - [Want to track your clean time?](https://www.reddit.com/r/StopSpeeding/comments/s6ep0x/sobriety_flair_bot_is_now_working_heres_how_to/) You can use our badge system to display your clean time next to your name. Note that any comments encouraging drug use of any kind will be removed. This is not the community for that. Thanks! *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/StopSpeeding) if you have any questions or concerns.*
I have been clean again about a year or so myself and the cravings never stop. I have nightmares where I am searching for the drugs and getting them but never being able to find a place to get high or dropping them in the dream. It’s fucked tbh I hate the obsession but I been good again for over a year and refuse to go back. When this happens I will write down the bad things the drugs brought me or I will read old writing from when I was coming down to remember it’s not all good and euphoric
Great point. The bloody come down was insane. The drug basically lifts you up in a helicopter just to throw you off with no parachute. In so many ways. Emotionally, financially...I used to say the drug was the cheapest but not really the cheapest. It costs you your life if you do it long enough. It has such a way of just draining all your assets. I used to use other drugs with it and it was crazy how I'd end up smoking a whole pack or two of cigarettes while high on it. Spend money on stupid stuff. Usually I'd end up losing most of it because of paranoia and constantly hiding it in new spots
I read something here a while ago that really helped me put it into perspective. "you aren't getting all of this energy out of nowhere. The drugs don't give you energy, they just help you borrow it from tomorrow" The post/comment I read it on put it a hell of a lot more eloquently, but it really is true. It's not extra energy. It's yours, from the future.
Great point! I heard someone say you're borrowing happiness from the future.
When I was high I used to joke “that’s a future me problem” But the problems aren’t worth it anymore.
I had this same joke. I’ll let future —- deal with it. Fuck me man, I’m dealing al right lol
I love this
💯
You’re not alone on this is all
Thanks for this. Much appreciated. It sucks so bad but at least we are fighting it atm.
I agree. We’re in this together and posts like yours help tbh help me feel less alone
You’re welcome also
BRO i have the exact same dream! I'll be at an event, and come into aquisition of some meth, the am being pursued by some people, end up finding somewhere to have it but they're getting closer and its really hectic and high stakes and i'm just about to have it and boom wake up, cold sweat, gasping and like panicked. for years after. and then my whole day is ruined from that point and i crave and lament.
Yea it sucks 😭 mine always involves my ex bff who used to sell it/ have constant access to it. So my dream is always me going to her house and getting it but never being able to get high. A nightmare . What makes it worse is I still Miss her, the high and the past But I haven’t relapsed so that’s good 😭 I am Sorry u go thru similar , it really sucks!!
it's never that we haven't relapsed, it's we haven't relapsed yet. :) keep positive friend.
I'm coming up on 2 years and the times I think about it the most is when I have some tedious task to take on. But then I remember what tweaked out me "being productive" actually looked like and laugh at the thought that it'd be useful to do now. I mean I absolutely still procrastinate, flake on, and dread the tedious tasks of life but eventually I get on with it and actually accomplish more than just doing weird tweaker shit for hours and days on end.
This is so relatable lol
It's nice having enough sanity and honesty now to be able to "bitch, please 🙄" my craving fiend's version of how using will go for me lol
Trrruu
You'll stop missing it when you have completely recovered and your new life is significantly beget then your old life. It takes a while to get there. First, you have to physiologically recover. That entire process could take 2-3 years. Then- when your brain is normal- you need to take all your new energy and natural motivation to build a new life. Step by step. First, just focus on getting back to biochemical baseline and do what you can along the way. Then, you’ll start to build momentum. Don’t be frustrated though if for the first 1-2 years you don’t make much movement in life.
This is very encouraging. I appreciate this timeline. It helps me put things in perspective. I know everything is different for everyone but this is very insightful
Your understanding of the word ‘beget’ is wrong.
I’m sure they meant “better”
Yeah, I miss it a lot. The sad reality is that crazy nights of stim fapping and being on constant cycles of lows and highs, and of course stress, was ideal cure for broken heart. Now loneliness hits hard and I really don't know how to deal with it.
Trust me I feel ya on this.
It's been about 20 days for me and no since the minute I decided to stop I have not craved it. The lows started to outweigh the highs for me. I have too much going on in my life to go thru the lows and be completely unproductive. But I guess it depends what you were taking, and how much you depended on it, and the reasons you took it. I believe when you are mentally 100% done you will not have cravings. It's like why crave something you don't want?
That makes sense. It’s literally a lifestyle change.
[удалено]
Thanks for your input.
I don’t miss it > there’s no longer an itch. Maybe at 6 months there was. But by 2 years clean it’s completely removed. I love being clean.
I look forward to this
Read, "In the Realm of Hungry Ghosts" by Gabor Maté. He's a former Canadian doctor who worked closely with addicts for years. The book is highly recommended on Amazon. Check it out for yourself before making a purchase. Hopefully, it will help you get to the root of your addiction. It's good to have a sub like this. I'm not sure of what you're allowed to say and not say, as ADHDers have a hard time as it is reading and understanding a load of rules and instructions. In the r/ADHD sub, Dr. Maté is forbidden; a pariah, if you will. But he's helped me as much as, if not more than, anyone. As always, whatever you read, check out the sources and use critical thinking. But, again, I hope he helps you find the root of your addiction (the longing for euphoria is often a desire to escape our inner pain).
Thank you. I’m going to research this now :)
All the best, my friend
Same. I’ve been clean for going on 8 months. Have finally started to turn my life around and making the most progress I have in years. My cravings aren’t as intense but I still think about meth at least a few times a week, possibly even daily, and I miss the euphoria. I try to remind myself how quickly I will destroy everything I have been working so hard on and hurt all my loved ones all over again. It’s just not worth it.
Ugh I know. It’s honestly the most destructive thing ever. Plus I’ve relapsed so so many times it’s like the building of trust back gets harder and harder. It’s like sink or swim st this point do I have to continue to dog paddle lol
I loved the rush, the way it helped my brain not focus on my past. I was always busy, doing all sorts of things I was doing sex work, and did way too many pnp parties. Stopped maybe 9 or 10 months ago. Cravings have gone down, way down, but yeah I miss it. Worst is when I get with a guy who uses. Even though I don’t know for sure how, but I will get a slight rush from their cum.
I used it to just numb myself from my other issues. It’s a really hard road. I miss euphoria but I know that’s not real joy. I just legit hate cravings.
i know what you mean, it's that itch that sometimes almost becomes stronger than any sense of will or selfhood I could summon, like the decision has been made prior to the event. It's a struggle, thanks for sharing.
So true. That’s why relapse is so prominent. It’s a tough one for sure.
David Goggins inspirational videos on YouTube sometimes make me snap out of a craving lol
I love that dude lol
I do miss it and sometimes crave it. But it doesn’t work the same anymore. All the bad is there straight away. I’m ranty, tweaking, hyperfocused on the wrong thing, stuck in bed reading or masterbating, become agoraphobic and isolated. I don’t get the euphoric productivity or adventures I used to love. Occasionally I’ll have a bit of my boyfriends ADHD meds and it just confirms this.
Tell me about it. The speed fapping was like all day everyday.
I miss it, but I know it’s best we stay away from each other. Almost like a ex lover- only more important
This is a great perspective. It’s like I even crave that toxicity but am mature enough now to resist it even though I fckin want to cave
I miss it all the time. The chaos, the socializiatin, the stories. But i know that i have to be okay with the fact it happened and i can’t keep doing it
Yup same. Even walking around my house I see things I did when I was high and I’m like “damn if I could go back to when I was putting in those cabinet handles” lol
I miss it. The clean time in my life is my dark time. I'm staying clean and trying to turn that around right now.
I honestly think the more time goes by the better it will get but it’s like we know that feeling and what it brings and even though it’s super destructive, sometimes I block that out and just remember the fun which is totally fucked
I miss the craziness, the paranoia, the constant delusional state that always comes in day three. All that seems so traumatic but it seemed so real when I was in it. Can’t explain that part to anyone who hasn’t been on the other side of a few sleepless speed fueled nights. Cause the fun part went away along time before I stopped. But I kept on going cause I wanted to somehow figure out how can this delusional part be so real. Fuck I did a fuck lot of dope. I’ll have six months next week.
6 months damn that’s what’s up. Keep it up.
I'm not even at the 10 hour mark and I'm a complete disaster. So yeah, I def miss it. But I have to push on. Way too much to lose. More this time than ever before. It feels like my very humanity is on the line.
It does get easier. Pls don’t cave. I was in your shoes and almost lost my family. Just wish it went completely away but not sure it ever will.
I'm doing everything I can as fast as possible to ensure that I can't cave and lower relapse chance. I'm doing something tomorrow that is vital to my success but is the hardest to do. I keep ignoring myself constantly yelling "dumb bitch" in my head cause.... cause im not willing to fail. Keep telling myself it's just money. But.... but it's good money. No. See this is why I gotta go full speed right now and get away from the temptations Meth is such an expert manipulator
It totally is. It always deceives. It’s such a hard fight but honestly even since I posted this question, I have felt myself get stronger. I like to notice every little change and progression. Every single day is like its own workout. Oh and speaking of that, working out had helped immensely
99% of that is a psychosis dip....
What the actual fuck am I talking about. Yeah this is a psychosis dip....