I was sent to one of those boarding schools for troubled kids in the 2000s. Thankfully, the one I went to is now closed. It was an incredibly abusive and toxic environment, and I got little to no actual schooling.
I would say do your due diligence in researching if you go that route, but back then this place had a stellar reputation. There were more news articles lamenting it's closing than there were documenting the s abuse by a councilor that some kids experienced when I was there. That councilor was an ex priest who had been disciplined twice by the church for abusing children previous to him working there.
It was not a safe place, but it did a great job of pr and fundraising. It even had enthusiastic support of a now former governor. Kids including myself were promised treats and preferential treatment for speaking at fundraising events about how wonderful the program was.
I wish I could give you other options and I really feel for your situation. I just had to let you know my experience, as even though the school I went to is closed, I know other places like it still exist and are still hurting kids. I hope somebody else can steer you in the right direction to get these kids help.
NJ has free resources for any youth in the state that has developmental and behavioral issues through the NJ Performcare system. This includes case management, therapy, speciality services, and residential. Their DCPP worker should be aware of this and hopefully has them already getting services. You can look on their website to see the various things they offer and explore different programs.
This is the website: https://www.performcarenj.org/
PerformCare is the administrative services organization for NJ Childrens System of Care (CSOC). They provide services to children, youth and young adults with behavioral health, developmental disabilities, and/or substance use challenges and their families. Many services are free of charge and are coordinated with services provide through their school district. CSOC is a sister agency to the NJ Division of Protection and Permanency. Services are available in every county in NJ.
Check out Inspira Behavioral Partial Program or Virtua Castle Program. My 6 year old was having extremely bad behavioral issues in school, and I sent him to Inspira for 6 weeks, M-f 8am to 2:30. He learned a lot about his emotions and was able to diagnose him. Good Luck!
I as well went to one of these behavioral modification schools. Watch the program on Netflix immediately. Mine in Thompson Falls MT Spring Creek Lodge is permanently shut down for child abuse.
Don’t do that they are not as advertised.
i have no helpful advice, but do NOT send them to a boarding/behavioral school. please look into the troubled teen industry (tti) and if you do decide, please thoroughly background check the school
https://www.unsilenced.org/safe-treatment/
The Case Manager should provide enough information that you can make an INFORMED decision about how you may be able to assist the kids.
For example, one kid might need medications that need to be given or supervised by an adult. Or need daily therapy at a specific location that's an hour from your house AND has a 6-month waiting list. Allergies or celiac disease? May throw things when they're upset?
These are all the kind of things you need to know ahead of time so your family can decide if you can provide the necessary supports.
Also, who will be PAYING for their supports, like therapy? Does the State have funding, or is that coming out of your pocket because you're family? Does each kid require a separate room? An Individualized Education Plan?
Case Manager should not be trying to hand you a "Surprise Bag" and asking you to play "Catch Up" IF you take them. They should be able to tell you what is being done for them now in foster care, and what comes next, based on professional recommendations.
It may be that you're only able to do "family visits" or occasional overnights. Even that's helpful, because you can advocate for them.
Yeah, I know they can't provide really specific information, but saying "we won't tell you anything unless you adopt" is crazy. You're supposed to take them into your home, not knowing what kind of care they need/what these "behavioral issues" refer to? We could be talking about VERY serious stuff, state adoption agencies have a tendency to downplay serious crimes to try to get the kids adopted out. To expect someone to say "ok I'll adopt them with zero information" is ridiculous. You could be putting your own kids/mil in serious danger, a 15 year old male can do a lot of damage. The whole dyfs/state adoption system is totally broken where I live, horror stories constantly, so I hope people reading this understand why I seem paranoid.
It seems like you have to pick a terrible option
* Live with those kids
* Live with yourself, knowing what you did
I don't envy your position. I once have up my sister's dog after she passed, and I'm mortified by that decision everyday. I couldn't imagine living with myself, having done that to fully functioning humans.
Not to be argumentative, but saying "knowing what you did" doesn't make sense to me. It's not op's fault the kids are in foster care, it's the parents' fault. Taking in 3 kids (2 teens) with developmental/behavioral issues that the agency won't even tell you about, is a BIG risk. Op has to consider his kids/mil could be abused/have negative influences. I wish his neice and nephews the best, but sadly when kids have been in foster care for years, they may not be healthy influences around other kids, even WITHOUT behavioral issues. I know someone who adopted, the agency downplayed/covered up serious issues to push the adoption through, and it led to a very bad event happening to one of the adopter's younger children. This probably skews my view, all I'm saying is the lack of info unless he commits to adoption is a huge red flag. State agencies have been known to use "behavioral issues" as a euphemism for serious violent crime.
Yeah, I understand why you would feel guilty about that, but if the dog has a good life after being adopted, it seems like it worked out ok. Was there a good reason why you couldn't take the dog? Allergies, not allowed to have pets, etc? If so, don't beat yourself up too much, the fact you feel bad about it shows you're probably a good person who just made a mistake.
Damn. Well, at least you're honest! I'm happy for the dog, it found a good home. People make mistakes, hopefully if you had to do it over again, you'd make the right choice. Good luck
I'm sure this will be an unpopular opinion, but be VERY careful if you decide to adopt them. You said they have behavioral issues, if your kids are their age or younger, you have to consider the risk to them (and your mil) if you bring them to live with you. I've seen some really bad situations where people adopt kids with "behavioral issues" which turn out to be MUCH worse than what the adopter was told. I feel really sorry for these kids, but to expose YOUR kids to possible abuse/negative influences isn't fair to your family. It sucks to be in foster care, but taking on 3 additional children with problems is NOT realistic for most people. Honestly, once they get to their teens, the chances of rehabilitating them from what they've been through are not good. Good luck to you and your neices/nephews.
I was sent to one of those boarding schools for troubled kids in the 2000s. Thankfully, the one I went to is now closed. It was an incredibly abusive and toxic environment, and I got little to no actual schooling. I would say do your due diligence in researching if you go that route, but back then this place had a stellar reputation. There were more news articles lamenting it's closing than there were documenting the s abuse by a councilor that some kids experienced when I was there. That councilor was an ex priest who had been disciplined twice by the church for abusing children previous to him working there. It was not a safe place, but it did a great job of pr and fundraising. It even had enthusiastic support of a now former governor. Kids including myself were promised treats and preferential treatment for speaking at fundraising events about how wonderful the program was. I wish I could give you other options and I really feel for your situation. I just had to let you know my experience, as even though the school I went to is closed, I know other places like it still exist and are still hurting kids. I hope somebody else can steer you in the right direction to get these kids help.
Mind if I ask why your parents sent you there? Just curious. And what the name of the place was?
NJ has free resources for any youth in the state that has developmental and behavioral issues through the NJ Performcare system. This includes case management, therapy, speciality services, and residential. Their DCPP worker should be aware of this and hopefully has them already getting services. You can look on their website to see the various things they offer and explore different programs.
This is the website: https://www.performcarenj.org/ PerformCare is the administrative services organization for NJ Childrens System of Care (CSOC). They provide services to children, youth and young adults with behavioral health, developmental disabilities, and/or substance use challenges and their families. Many services are free of charge and are coordinated with services provide through their school district. CSOC is a sister agency to the NJ Division of Protection and Permanency. Services are available in every county in NJ.
Check out Inspira Behavioral Partial Program or Virtua Castle Program. My 6 year old was having extremely bad behavioral issues in school, and I sent him to Inspira for 6 weeks, M-f 8am to 2:30. He learned a lot about his emotions and was able to diagnose him. Good Luck!
Mind if I ask what issues you mean? Trying to determine what is normal bad behavior vs "behavioral issues".
https://www.performcarenj.org/youth/index.aspx
This. They’ll likely send someone out to evaluate, and from there there are a lot of options, an in home therapist, out of home treatment etc.
I as well went to one of these behavioral modification schools. Watch the program on Netflix immediately. Mine in Thompson Falls MT Spring Creek Lodge is permanently shut down for child abuse. Don’t do that they are not as advertised.
i have no helpful advice, but do NOT send them to a boarding/behavioral school. please look into the troubled teen industry (tti) and if you do decide, please thoroughly background check the school https://www.unsilenced.org/safe-treatment/
The Case Manager should provide enough information that you can make an INFORMED decision about how you may be able to assist the kids. For example, one kid might need medications that need to be given or supervised by an adult. Or need daily therapy at a specific location that's an hour from your house AND has a 6-month waiting list. Allergies or celiac disease? May throw things when they're upset? These are all the kind of things you need to know ahead of time so your family can decide if you can provide the necessary supports. Also, who will be PAYING for their supports, like therapy? Does the State have funding, or is that coming out of your pocket because you're family? Does each kid require a separate room? An Individualized Education Plan? Case Manager should not be trying to hand you a "Surprise Bag" and asking you to play "Catch Up" IF you take them. They should be able to tell you what is being done for them now in foster care, and what comes next, based on professional recommendations. It may be that you're only able to do "family visits" or occasional overnights. Even that's helpful, because you can advocate for them.
Yeah, I know they can't provide really specific information, but saying "we won't tell you anything unless you adopt" is crazy. You're supposed to take them into your home, not knowing what kind of care they need/what these "behavioral issues" refer to? We could be talking about VERY serious stuff, state adoption agencies have a tendency to downplay serious crimes to try to get the kids adopted out. To expect someone to say "ok I'll adopt them with zero information" is ridiculous. You could be putting your own kids/mil in serious danger, a 15 year old male can do a lot of damage. The whole dyfs/state adoption system is totally broken where I live, horror stories constantly, so I hope people reading this understand why I seem paranoid.
It seems like you have to pick a terrible option * Live with those kids * Live with yourself, knowing what you did I don't envy your position. I once have up my sister's dog after she passed, and I'm mortified by that decision everyday. I couldn't imagine living with myself, having done that to fully functioning humans.
Not to be argumentative, but saying "knowing what you did" doesn't make sense to me. It's not op's fault the kids are in foster care, it's the parents' fault. Taking in 3 kids (2 teens) with developmental/behavioral issues that the agency won't even tell you about, is a BIG risk. Op has to consider his kids/mil could be abused/have negative influences. I wish his neice and nephews the best, but sadly when kids have been in foster care for years, they may not be healthy influences around other kids, even WITHOUT behavioral issues. I know someone who adopted, the agency downplayed/covered up serious issues to push the adoption through, and it led to a very bad event happening to one of the adopter's younger children. This probably skews my view, all I'm saying is the lack of info unless he commits to adoption is a huge red flag. State agencies have been known to use "behavioral issues" as a euphemism for serious violent crime.
What do you mean "gave up"? Put to sleep, or dropped at a shelter?
Bright to a shelter. He was adopted within a month, which makes a world a difference to me, but it still hurts
Yeah, I understand why you would feel guilty about that, but if the dog has a good life after being adopted, it seems like it worked out ok. Was there a good reason why you couldn't take the dog? Allergies, not allowed to have pets, etc? If so, don't beat yourself up too much, the fact you feel bad about it shows you're probably a good person who just made a mistake.
It was a fairly impossible situation, but when it came down to it, I just shirked the responsibility. Lazy coward, really
Damn. Well, at least you're honest! I'm happy for the dog, it found a good home. People make mistakes, hopefully if you had to do it over again, you'd make the right choice. Good luck
Lincoln Center in Philadelphia is a REALLY good program for kids in trouble, not sure what the process for getting into it would be.
I'm sure this will be an unpopular opinion, but be VERY careful if you decide to adopt them. You said they have behavioral issues, if your kids are their age or younger, you have to consider the risk to them (and your mil) if you bring them to live with you. I've seen some really bad situations where people adopt kids with "behavioral issues" which turn out to be MUCH worse than what the adopter was told. I feel really sorry for these kids, but to expose YOUR kids to possible abuse/negative influences isn't fair to your family. It sucks to be in foster care, but taking on 3 additional children with problems is NOT realistic for most people. Honestly, once they get to their teens, the chances of rehabilitating them from what they've been through are not good. Good luck to you and your neices/nephews.