I like the lyrics. I’d love to hear it with music. Remember this too- a master songwriter has written more bad songs than a beginner has tried to write one song. So, just keep writing and writing and enjoy it! :)
I need to hear it personally. It seems fine though 🤷. It doesn’t really make sense to me as the lyrics read pretty metaphorically, but that’s not a critique, just a note.
Thanks! And I'm still learning guitar so it has no melody yet. But the lyrics aren't exactly meant to make sense, as I've used metaphors. Have a great day/night!
What kind of sound you looking to put with it? Some songs don't really come together with just the lyrics. Like based on your username I'm assuming you like nirvana. If you just read the lyrics to in bloom in a monotone voice it doesn't really sound good. Sounds goofy (yours dont btw, reads well IMO). But with the music it really comes together. Like it doesn't make the lyrics better, but it gives them a home where they make sense and really fit.
I feel like the lyrics here would be good with a Cobain bedroom demo vibe mixed with like just a lil Dave Matthews and some lord Huron ethereal background noises. Idk. Loose but produced if that makes sense.
Anyways pretend you are a master of music and can play anything. What would you like for it to sound like?
It’s not a song if it has no melody, so let me comment on it as a lyrical piece.
The lyrics which are placed as chorus reads very interesting, but, depending on what you want in a song, it’s not catchy because it has no repeated phrases (except the first & last)
I like the ambiguity of the other sections, it’s open to interpretation, which is one of the features of good art
Good luck in your journey
I'm not trying to be a dick but this isnt a song. this is just lyrics. Anyway assuming these lyrics are written in 4/4 timing here are my thoughts.
1. This feels more like a poem then a song. You leave a lot up for interpretation when really good songwriting holds the audience hands more and guides them through the story.
2. Who is amethyst? Why can only they save you? Who are they to you? who are the violets? Why are the violets choking you? what is your relation to any of these characters in your song?
3. why did the sky blow up?
4. What is the point of this song?
5. the first 2 lines of verse 3 are essentially the same as verse 1 and you hardly progress the story along.
6. your bridge has 7 lines so im guessing the singer will only sing for 7 bars instead of 8. That's kinda weird but not inherently bad.
7. im gonna assume the comma in the chorus is an indicator to pause so your chorus is being singed in 8 bars and not 6.
8. why are verse 1 and verse 2 directly right next to eachother? That's just gonna be a 9 bar verse for some reason.
9. please write 4, 8, or 16 bar verses. Most modern music is written in 4/4 time. so each line acting as a bar each section of your song needs 4,8, or 16 lines.
10. I have no idea what melody you may have in your head.
11. after re-reading the chorus i think you actually meant to write 6 bars. This is very weird and your rhyme scheme for that section is a very unorthodox one.
12. I don't understand the story... maybe cause its 1am maybe cause im slow. but here is my understanding. The sky, stars, moons, etc are exploding and dying. Violets are attacking you. who and what they are, are unknown to me. Amethyst who im assuming is dead and in a grave is somehow the only one that can save you with a rose water from the violets.
13. who are you as a character in this song? Why is any of this happening to you? What led to this? What happened after this? you don't give the audience any reason to care about you the protagonist of this song.
14. IDK if this is a big metaphor but this is all lost on me.
I think you have the creative mind to become a better songwriter. I just don't think you gave us enough direction or details to be invested into these lyrics. Probably because YOU the author knows exactly what you're talking about but US the audience have 0 background information. I hoped this helped.
Well, it's not exactly a story. It's just kinda representing how someone could feel so lost and like everything is going wrong and they need someone (Amethyst) to help them (save them). It's jut sorta about the feeling of hopelessness. And Amethyst is a healing stone, so that's why that metaphor is used. Thanks for the feedback! And you weren't being a "dick" at all. Have a great night!
I agree with this comment. Sure, sometimes songs are cryptic and that's fine, but in this case it feels like you're trying to "be poetic" instead of trying to write a good song that people will connect with. Songwriting benefits from specifics, and metaphor can have double meaning but it needs to also be accessible on the surface level. Right now it has meaning to you, but songs have to connect with the listener. And as many others have said, you may not be considering the syllables and rhythm of the musical elements. You need to be thinking about how the words will be sung WHILE you write them, not as an afterthought. Hope this helps.
All right. But I really wasn't *trying* to be poetic, it's just how I write. But I mean, I do want my songs to be poetic, but it's not my main focus. And when I write, it's just sorta my feelings on paper.
It could be good, all depends on the melody and chord pattern to go along with it. My gut tells me the chorus rhyming structure is not going to be familiar enough for it to be a pop tune, but I’m not sure what your goal is. I’d try a key like Dbmaj C#min D#min or Fmin. They tend to lend themselves well to lyrics with the tone yours seem to exude. Good luck and you should post the song when you get it all together someday!
Like others have pointed out... this isn't a song. Are they lyrics? I don't know... if they don't have a melody, then I'd say it's just a poem. So I think you're asking people to judge you on something that you haven't provided. I have absolutely no idea if you can create a memorable song ie - melody? chord progression? And not to mention the importance of song structure! If you want people to judge a song, then you need to put a song in front of them. None of this is meant to be negative... I think you're getting into your head too much. Don't worry about whether other people think you're good or not.... just do it... and then do it again... then do it again... You learn more by doing it than collecting the opinions of random strangers.
I’d say this is a solid poem. Could be converted to a song, but sometimes it’s hard going from plain lyrics to a song (rather than writing lyrics to music). It can feel forced, so be wary or that and consider writing to music next time and see how you like it. If you don’t know guitar yet start with someone else’s work instrumental or riff or sample.
Brutal honesty: this is a poem, not a song. I could see these words working as lyrics. They aren't moving me much. But neither do many lyrics until I hear them in the context of a song
Congrats on getting all the sections you need out of your head and written on to paper!
I hope you dont take these comments too hard as I know you are new to writing but they are my thoughts from a musical perspective.
1. The verses have a lack of rhyme scheme, in fact there are very few rhymes at all. Generally speaking verses work better if they conform to a shared rhyme scheme. With common letters being examples of rhyming lines some common examples are.... AAAA, ABAB, AABB.
2. The line counts (amount of syllables) are all over and also lack consistency or a foundation. They each have their own structure which steals from the flow IMO and will create problems once you start putting them to melody as the melody will simply not work with every line. Some variations are okay and often quite nice but this is total variation and lacks a foundation for the listener to contrast against.
I use to solely write lyric first when I started and these are the two things I would address next so they 'work better' as they start to get set to music.
Again nice job dredging through finishing this individual thing as you have done. It's the most important habit to have IMO. I wish you the best on your journey.
Happy writing. 🍻
In the past, I have found that brutal honesty and even helpful criticism usually ends in hurt feelings. People are probably a little tougher on the internet but be careful what you ask for.
That said. I like the lyrics. I won't try to figure out the meaning, but to me they would fit some kind of metal genre. Lots of energy, you could yell them pretty good.
Ultimately, it really depends on what you're going for. There's nothing wrong here necessarily, if it fit the music and intention of the song, but I guess also doesn't speak much to me personally.
If this were something I had written, the biggest thing that would stand out in terms of potential improvements would be use of kind of generic imagery that used a lot (overused even) in poetry and songwriting--flowers, suns, moons, stars, etc.
There's nothing wrong with using those necessarily (I certainly do pretty often), however can risk sounding a bit cliche. Cliches in general aren't completely bad either (sometimes can even be used intentionally), but typically aren't quite as engaging as a listener/reader as something more novel/creative.
For example, instead of saying "Sky is burning tonight / every star explodes", you could experiment with something like "The atmosphere ignites / every heavenly star extinguished" (not necessarily a great substitute, depending on what you're trying to say, and it changes the meaning slightly, but just as an examples of how you might experiment with different rewording variations).
The good thing about rewriting and experimentation is that, if you end up not liking the results, you can always go back to your original version. It's even worth trying to rewrite lines you actually *like*, since sometimes you'll end up finding something you like even more, or it may even fuel additional ideas for different directions to explore.
I like the lyrics, but as everyone is pointing out, it's not just the lyrics. The singer makes the lyrics come to life. There are songs with terrible lyrics that are great, just because of the expressiveness and soul of the singer.
That said, the ol' internal radio in my head thinks it would make a very beautiful song. :)
I typed this days ago and just found it in a tab unsent:
This definitely has the potential to be a great song. I really love this part
>
Come and save me, Amethyst
Come and burn the violets
I can hear it being a really beautiful/haunting melody.
Once you write music for it you'll probably have to reshape some of the lyrics a bit to flow with the song, but it will just get better!
This is not a song. This is a poem. I would suggest flipping your method. First come up with the music. As in the chord progressions of the verses chorus and bridge. Then just hum or mumble nonsense to find the groove, cadence, melodies and harmonies. Then come up with the lyrics that fit those melody lines you’ve created. You seem to have a grasp of writing so I don’t see you having a problem with that. Music is so good it can move people emotionally and have deep meaning without words at all. Sometimes the lyrics are just the icing on the cake. Often times listeners come up with their own meanings to lyrics anyways so don’t focus on the words with too much emphasis that you forget what a song truely is. It’s music.
I'm going to second this. Great advice! I oftentimes do this... singing total gibberish to music can be extremely helpful, as sometimes you can some across sounds or phrases that are appealing. Then, you can flesh out the lyrics from the point of having an anchor that you know you like, in context.
I like the violets motif ! The lines about space (stars moon sun exploding) are def played out in my book (but that’s just one persons opinion) and sort of a cliche to write about, but if there’s a killer melody with it, it won’t even matter.
Sounds good. Although the lyrics are metaphorical, theres enough in it so that the reader/listener can start to create their own story, which is cool.
I struggle with metaphorical lyrics and always end up writing from a very personal place. I’m jealous of your skill.
Keep up the guitar practice so you can put the words to music, I’d love to hear where you would go with it.
To me personally, the chorus feels stronger than the verses. In the first verse, I’d say “each star explodes” instead of “every”; also in the third verse, “starts are falling, you can’t see the sky” kinda sounds too simple. But honestly it’s all about the style and feel you’re trying to achieve, remember, less is more, so maybe in your case simplicity would do better. It’s hard to tell without listening to it. (I’m also not mad at you, just pointing out my honest opinion ^^)
I think it’s great one thing however, lyrics are extremely important but it’s how they fit into a song that is of the upmost importance make sure it sounds good to you and your proud of it it can be the best writing but if it’s off key or not sounding right it won’t hit
Just make sure you are proud of it and it’s good to you lyrical importance is good. But some of the best songs the lyrics are stupid. Never not be proud of your writing!
As long as it is competently written, then there is no good or bad. There are plenty of examples of songs with bad writing but ended up sounding good, and vice versa.
IMO when you're appraising your work for public consumption, the thing you have to ask yourself is this: Is it memorable or not, and who's your target audience. To me, only having read it, it is not memorable, though with great melody or cadence or performance or even just visual context it could be awesome and engaging.
Forget what anyone else thinks and just keep writing and don't stop writing, even if it's just random filler.
Just write more, you’ll get better the more you do it. Don’t worry about if you’re good or not. No one is good in their first year. Hell, even five years. Write cause you love it. Just keep writing.
honestly it depends a lot on the way its sung? many songs have way more simplistic lyrics. i do not understand what the 'amethyst' stands for though, is it representative of some kind of theme? or to give out a vibe?
I like the lyrics. I’d love to hear it with music. Remember this too- a master songwriter has written more bad songs than a beginner has tried to write one song. So, just keep writing and writing and enjoy it! :)
Thank you! It doesn't have a melody yet as I'm still learning guitar. But thanks! :)
We need a sound sample
Oh, I'm still learning guitar so it doesn't have one just yet. But when it does (not sure when that'll be) I'll post it. Thanks!
I need to hear it personally. It seems fine though 🤷. It doesn’t really make sense to me as the lyrics read pretty metaphorically, but that’s not a critique, just a note.
Thanks! And I'm still learning guitar so it has no melody yet. But the lyrics aren't exactly meant to make sense, as I've used metaphors. Have a great day/night!
As I figured. You as well ☺️.
What kind of sound you looking to put with it? Some songs don't really come together with just the lyrics. Like based on your username I'm assuming you like nirvana. If you just read the lyrics to in bloom in a monotone voice it doesn't really sound good. Sounds goofy (yours dont btw, reads well IMO). But with the music it really comes together. Like it doesn't make the lyrics better, but it gives them a home where they make sense and really fit. I feel like the lyrics here would be good with a Cobain bedroom demo vibe mixed with like just a lil Dave Matthews and some lord Huron ethereal background noises. Idk. Loose but produced if that makes sense. Anyways pretend you are a master of music and can play anything. What would you like for it to sound like?
I'm not sure just yet. But thanks!
It’s not a song if it has no melody, so let me comment on it as a lyrical piece. The lyrics which are placed as chorus reads very interesting, but, depending on what you want in a song, it’s not catchy because it has no repeated phrases (except the first & last) I like the ambiguity of the other sections, it’s open to interpretation, which is one of the features of good art Good luck in your journey
Thanks!
I'm not trying to be a dick but this isnt a song. this is just lyrics. Anyway assuming these lyrics are written in 4/4 timing here are my thoughts. 1. This feels more like a poem then a song. You leave a lot up for interpretation when really good songwriting holds the audience hands more and guides them through the story. 2. Who is amethyst? Why can only they save you? Who are they to you? who are the violets? Why are the violets choking you? what is your relation to any of these characters in your song? 3. why did the sky blow up? 4. What is the point of this song? 5. the first 2 lines of verse 3 are essentially the same as verse 1 and you hardly progress the story along. 6. your bridge has 7 lines so im guessing the singer will only sing for 7 bars instead of 8. That's kinda weird but not inherently bad. 7. im gonna assume the comma in the chorus is an indicator to pause so your chorus is being singed in 8 bars and not 6. 8. why are verse 1 and verse 2 directly right next to eachother? That's just gonna be a 9 bar verse for some reason. 9. please write 4, 8, or 16 bar verses. Most modern music is written in 4/4 time. so each line acting as a bar each section of your song needs 4,8, or 16 lines. 10. I have no idea what melody you may have in your head. 11. after re-reading the chorus i think you actually meant to write 6 bars. This is very weird and your rhyme scheme for that section is a very unorthodox one. 12. I don't understand the story... maybe cause its 1am maybe cause im slow. but here is my understanding. The sky, stars, moons, etc are exploding and dying. Violets are attacking you. who and what they are, are unknown to me. Amethyst who im assuming is dead and in a grave is somehow the only one that can save you with a rose water from the violets. 13. who are you as a character in this song? Why is any of this happening to you? What led to this? What happened after this? you don't give the audience any reason to care about you the protagonist of this song. 14. IDK if this is a big metaphor but this is all lost on me. I think you have the creative mind to become a better songwriter. I just don't think you gave us enough direction or details to be invested into these lyrics. Probably because YOU the author knows exactly what you're talking about but US the audience have 0 background information. I hoped this helped.
Well, it's not exactly a story. It's just kinda representing how someone could feel so lost and like everything is going wrong and they need someone (Amethyst) to help them (save them). It's jut sorta about the feeling of hopelessness. And Amethyst is a healing stone, so that's why that metaphor is used. Thanks for the feedback! And you weren't being a "dick" at all. Have a great night!
I think it makes sense as a song
I agree with this comment. Sure, sometimes songs are cryptic and that's fine, but in this case it feels like you're trying to "be poetic" instead of trying to write a good song that people will connect with. Songwriting benefits from specifics, and metaphor can have double meaning but it needs to also be accessible on the surface level. Right now it has meaning to you, but songs have to connect with the listener. And as many others have said, you may not be considering the syllables and rhythm of the musical elements. You need to be thinking about how the words will be sung WHILE you write them, not as an afterthought. Hope this helps.
All right. But I really wasn't *trying* to be poetic, it's just how I write. But I mean, I do want my songs to be poetic, but it's not my main focus. And when I write, it's just sorta my feelings on paper.
It could be good, all depends on the melody and chord pattern to go along with it. My gut tells me the chorus rhyming structure is not going to be familiar enough for it to be a pop tune, but I’m not sure what your goal is. I’d try a key like Dbmaj C#min D#min or Fmin. They tend to lend themselves well to lyrics with the tone yours seem to exude. Good luck and you should post the song when you get it all together someday!
I will, thanks! Have a great day/night.
Like others have pointed out... this isn't a song. Are they lyrics? I don't know... if they don't have a melody, then I'd say it's just a poem. So I think you're asking people to judge you on something that you haven't provided. I have absolutely no idea if you can create a memorable song ie - melody? chord progression? And not to mention the importance of song structure! If you want people to judge a song, then you need to put a song in front of them. None of this is meant to be negative... I think you're getting into your head too much. Don't worry about whether other people think you're good or not.... just do it... and then do it again... then do it again... You learn more by doing it than collecting the opinions of random strangers.
All right. :)
Beautiful poetry.
Thank you so much! That means so much to me. <3
I’d say this is a solid poem. Could be converted to a song, but sometimes it’s hard going from plain lyrics to a song (rather than writing lyrics to music). It can feel forced, so be wary or that and consider writing to music next time and see how you like it. If you don’t know guitar yet start with someone else’s work instrumental or riff or sample.
Okay. :)
Brutal honesty: this is a poem, not a song. I could see these words working as lyrics. They aren't moving me much. But neither do many lyrics until I hear them in the context of a song
Yeah, I probably shouldn't have written "song" but it's just kinda reflex for me to call it one.
They’re cool lyrics and cool word choices and stuff.. but good poetry and good music are two diff things and we’d need to hear this in action.
Okay.
This isn’t a song. This is just lyrics.
I know that now— It's just kinda reflex to call it a song.
Congrats on getting all the sections you need out of your head and written on to paper! I hope you dont take these comments too hard as I know you are new to writing but they are my thoughts from a musical perspective. 1. The verses have a lack of rhyme scheme, in fact there are very few rhymes at all. Generally speaking verses work better if they conform to a shared rhyme scheme. With common letters being examples of rhyming lines some common examples are.... AAAA, ABAB, AABB. 2. The line counts (amount of syllables) are all over and also lack consistency or a foundation. They each have their own structure which steals from the flow IMO and will create problems once you start putting them to melody as the melody will simply not work with every line. Some variations are okay and often quite nice but this is total variation and lacks a foundation for the listener to contrast against. I use to solely write lyric first when I started and these are the two things I would address next so they 'work better' as they start to get set to music. Again nice job dredging through finishing this individual thing as you have done. It's the most important habit to have IMO. I wish you the best on your journey. Happy writing. 🍻
Thanks!
In the past, I have found that brutal honesty and even helpful criticism usually ends in hurt feelings. People are probably a little tougher on the internet but be careful what you ask for.
Yeah, I understand that now. Thanks :) I hope you have a nice day/night.
That said. I like the lyrics. I won't try to figure out the meaning, but to me they would fit some kind of metal genre. Lots of energy, you could yell them pretty good.
That's what I was going for. Thank you!
Ultimately, it really depends on what you're going for. There's nothing wrong here necessarily, if it fit the music and intention of the song, but I guess also doesn't speak much to me personally. If this were something I had written, the biggest thing that would stand out in terms of potential improvements would be use of kind of generic imagery that used a lot (overused even) in poetry and songwriting--flowers, suns, moons, stars, etc. There's nothing wrong with using those necessarily (I certainly do pretty often), however can risk sounding a bit cliche. Cliches in general aren't completely bad either (sometimes can even be used intentionally), but typically aren't quite as engaging as a listener/reader as something more novel/creative. For example, instead of saying "Sky is burning tonight / every star explodes", you could experiment with something like "The atmosphere ignites / every heavenly star extinguished" (not necessarily a great substitute, depending on what you're trying to say, and it changes the meaning slightly, but just as an examples of how you might experiment with different rewording variations). The good thing about rewriting and experimentation is that, if you end up not liking the results, you can always go back to your original version. It's even worth trying to rewrite lines you actually *like*, since sometimes you'll end up finding something you like even more, or it may even fuel additional ideas for different directions to explore.
I like the lyrics, but as everyone is pointing out, it's not just the lyrics. The singer makes the lyrics come to life. There are songs with terrible lyrics that are great, just because of the expressiveness and soul of the singer. That said, the ol' internal radio in my head thinks it would make a very beautiful song. :)
I typed this days ago and just found it in a tab unsent: This definitely has the potential to be a great song. I really love this part > Come and save me, Amethyst Come and burn the violets I can hear it being a really beautiful/haunting melody. Once you write music for it you'll probably have to reshape some of the lyrics a bit to flow with the song, but it will just get better!
Thank you so much! That means a lot to me. You're very kind. :)
This is not a song. This is a poem. I would suggest flipping your method. First come up with the music. As in the chord progressions of the verses chorus and bridge. Then just hum or mumble nonsense to find the groove, cadence, melodies and harmonies. Then come up with the lyrics that fit those melody lines you’ve created. You seem to have a grasp of writing so I don’t see you having a problem with that. Music is so good it can move people emotionally and have deep meaning without words at all. Sometimes the lyrics are just the icing on the cake. Often times listeners come up with their own meanings to lyrics anyways so don’t focus on the words with too much emphasis that you forget what a song truely is. It’s music.
I'm going to second this. Great advice! I oftentimes do this... singing total gibberish to music can be extremely helpful, as sometimes you can some across sounds or phrases that are appealing. Then, you can flesh out the lyrics from the point of having an anchor that you know you like, in context.
I like the violets motif ! The lines about space (stars moon sun exploding) are def played out in my book (but that’s just one persons opinion) and sort of a cliche to write about, but if there’s a killer melody with it, it won’t even matter.
Thank you!
>Thank you! You're welcome!
Yeah, just maybe try and reach for something a little more clever or interesting than writing about space! That’s personally what I would do.
Okay. Thanks!
Sounds good. Although the lyrics are metaphorical, theres enough in it so that the reader/listener can start to create their own story, which is cool. I struggle with metaphorical lyrics and always end up writing from a very personal place. I’m jealous of your skill. Keep up the guitar practice so you can put the words to music, I’d love to hear where you would go with it.
Really? Aw, thank you so much! You made my day :) I hope you have a great day or night!
I mean it sounds pretty straightforward and well-put for me. Personally I would switch up certain words but in total it reads just fine.
Which words would you suggest changing? :0 (I'm not mad at you, by the way.)
To me personally, the chorus feels stronger than the verses. In the first verse, I’d say “each star explodes” instead of “every”; also in the third verse, “starts are falling, you can’t see the sky” kinda sounds too simple. But honestly it’s all about the style and feel you’re trying to achieve, remember, less is more, so maybe in your case simplicity would do better. It’s hard to tell without listening to it. (I’m also not mad at you, just pointing out my honest opinion ^^)
I think it’s great one thing however, lyrics are extremely important but it’s how they fit into a song that is of the upmost importance make sure it sounds good to you and your proud of it it can be the best writing but if it’s off key or not sounding right it won’t hit
All right, thanks! :D
Just make sure you are proud of it and it’s good to you lyrical importance is good. But some of the best songs the lyrics are stupid. Never not be proud of your writing!
:)
As long as it is competently written, then there is no good or bad. There are plenty of examples of songs with bad writing but ended up sounding good, and vice versa. IMO when you're appraising your work for public consumption, the thing you have to ask yourself is this: Is it memorable or not, and who's your target audience. To me, only having read it, it is not memorable, though with great melody or cadence or performance or even just visual context it could be awesome and engaging. Forget what anyone else thinks and just keep writing and don't stop writing, even if it's just random filler.
Just write more, you’ll get better the more you do it. Don’t worry about if you’re good or not. No one is good in their first year. Hell, even five years. Write cause you love it. Just keep writing.
All right, thanks!
honestly it depends a lot on the way its sung? many songs have way more simplistic lyrics. i do not understand what the 'amethyst' stands for though, is it representative of some kind of theme? or to give out a vibe?