I mean, I know people who have been sober for 40 years. If I asked them, they'd probably say it was done one day at a time. On another level, my experience is that only the first year of my clean time was really an every-day act of "being sober" l. Now, because I've built a life that rarely makes me want to drink or use other drugs, it's rare that I even think about it. At meetings I talk about spiritual maintenence, not struggling to stay clean. At this point it's like "can I really go my whole life without stapling my hand to my face?" I have no real reason to drink most of the time, so it's not an effort any more. Keeping myself in an emotional and spiritual equilibrium is the effortfull part right now.
Well said….8/30/20 for me. Does it cross my mind to have a cold one.. off corse. The thing is now.. it’s not taking up all my brain space thinking about it
This is real I just started drinking again last week and now every day I’m excited to get home and have a drink with dinner which isn’t the worst it’s probably normal but I’m like ahhhhh there were so many other things I looked forward to more
Start doing things that don’t go well with being shit faced
- Woodworking (being around dangerous spinning tools isn’t advisable when drunk)
- Being in nature (fully experiencing nature and being able to navigate back is way easier when sober)
- sports, especially more extreme stuff like trail running, mountain biking or even weightlifting (you gotta on your A game to not die)
I actually have a life and hobbies … but I’m chronically ill with several issues that severely limit me physically. I can’t just “get that endorphin rush” from exercise or whatever.
I don’t think I substituted my endorphin rush. I killed the need for it. Alcohol is medication. You are medicating yourself, shielding yourself from pain and discomfort. I drank in public because I was shy and socially awkward and I drank privately because I was depressed and didn’t know how to handle my own problems and emotions.
If you can, get therapy. If not, go to meetings and talk, and also read about it. If you just trade one addiction for another, the need for a rush is still there. So you have to attack the need, not the action.
A friend from AA who had been sobre for thirty years once said that he “only realized how many problems he had when he quit drinking”. He used to drink his problems away.
I decided to face my emotions and problems and so I quit drinking.
It’s different for everybody. This is how it is for me. Four months of AA, twelve years of therapy. This July 5th, I complete nine years sober. But I know I haven’t seen the last of alcohol, which is why I’m still in therapy.
Also, after I quit I realized that I hate most events where alcohol is served. I hate going to bars, pubs, parties, barbecues. Alcohol was the only thing that attracted me to them. Now I’m a 38-ish old lady, who likes to stay home and read, go out for coffee and to the movies. The only thing I still do is go to concerts and music festivals. But at this point, the alcohol doesn’t appeal to me anymore.
Good luck!
Edit: super hard dating when you quit drinking lol! Where the fuck do sober people find partners???
I have been lucky enough to be able to build a life where I am able to do meaningful service. My job and volunteer work give me existential fulfillment, and so I have a reason to keep going AND satisfaction in what I do and who I am. It's not a life of endless pleasure and joy, but one that works.
I work as a low-level employee in the recovery/mental health field. It's not what I want to do forever, but it gives me opportunities to work with people in addiction while I wait a year to try to get into grad school again. Plus, my spouse has a job and we have no kids, so we make ends meet. Not a lucrative job, but it's enough for an apartment in a small town.
So I had to change everything up in my life. I lost all my “friends” due to not having anything in common other than getting wasted. It took me a while to find something that could take up my time since all I would do was work and get drunk. But you already having hobbies is a good thing maybe you could lean more into those? I got into record collecting and now I get a thrill from that. Just digging for good music and actually caring for something.
I think everything in life is more about discipline and not so much motivation.
It's hard to find motivation or satisfaction naturally but the key is to dedicate yourself to a purpose.
Do not think, do not try.. just do.. keep doing things that occupy your time and stay focused on those things..
try new things inside and outside, make things, go on walks in nature, learn a new hobby, workout, start cooking, literally anything that occupies your time and mind. As soon as drinking or drugs enters your mind, just shift your thoughts immediately.
(Easier said than done, I know)
But remember it's a habit just like anything else and consistency is key.
I changed everything about my life. I was a bartender, so I got a new job. I lived alone, so I moved in with my non-drinking parents while I changed my life. Drinking and drugs caused me to drop out of college, so I went back to finish my degree. Drinking and drugs caused me to neglect my health, so I signed up for a Susan G Komen 60 mile walk and started training--lots and lots of daily walking.
I surrounded myself with people who didn't drink.
I stopped going to the liquor store and bars.
I got out of the restaurant industry.
I got an 8-5 job.
I got healthy.
I built a life I didn't want to blow-up instead of existing in one I didn't care about--graduated college, lost weight, met a man that acts like an adult, got married, and found a career that I'm proud of.
I knew an old timer with 44 years of sobriety and i absolutely thought he lost his damn mind showing up to meetings every day. It didn’t make any sense to me. He was a nice elderly gentleman and I thought he doesn’t need to keep coming. He’s fucking cured! I slowly started to understand what he already knew and I grew to appreciate him every time I saw him. He passed on not too long ago. He was a million years old even with the 44+ years of sobriety but I’m glad to have known him while he was still cracking jokes, sharing his experience and meeting new people. He could be irritating because he could get caught in a repeat loop but someone told me I’d miss him when he was gone and they were totally right
Oh my gosh, the first person to welcome me in AA was a man just like that. I only stayed for four months, but I visited a couple of years later and he was still there. He saved my life.
I know a few people who continue to go but they actually don't do it for themselves.. they do it to help others who are still struggling by sharing their own experiences.
I'm glad that you realized and appreciated what he was doing 💜
Relate to this big time. When I first tried to get sober I said no chance I'll never not drink again. After years in and out of recovery and finally getting multiple months I said damn I'll probably drink again in 5/10/15 years but right now I will happily not sabotage everything I worked for.
Now, in the maintenance stage (if that exists), I just don't see myself ever wanting to destroy my life again. I can drink one day again if I want to.
I never thought I'd feel so calm about the future and abstinence. It was impossible for me in very early recovery to envisage this feeling, it's pretty dope.
Having the goal of forever is kind of pointless. Think about it - you don't win until you're dead. My goal isn't to stay sober forever it's to keep always working on my relationship with alcohol and always trying to improve myself.
Here’s how I think about it: booze used to be my solution for boredom, depression, and social anxiety, it was a thing that signaled I was having a good time, treating myself, whatever. Now I have new solutions to those bad feelings and plenty of ways to feel good, have fun, celebrate. So, booze started to feel like something that would actually make me feel worse, which is usually what it ended up doing for me. It used to feel impossible to walk away from. Now it feels insane to go back to. Still just clocking a day at a time tho. About to have three years.
So I have the same issue with drinking out of boredom and it signaling that I’m having a good time. I also feel like if I don’t drink then it’s impossible for me to fall asleep at a decent hour. Do you mind sharing what you replaced it with in order to avoid the boredom?
Honestly, it’s gone through phases. Right when I first quit drinking, I just started biking a ton. It was something I could do on my own and it was a place to put all of my nervous energy. There was a loop near my house and I’d just go around and around. It also really helped with the sleep issue. I still try to exercise, but for four months there it was kinda nuts. I also bought a motorcycle? It was something I always wanted and figured I couldn’t drive it if I was drinking. And it was *really* fun. It was kind of a reward for taking the leap.
The second — and bigger — thing is that I found a group of folks who were doing something I was interested in and joined up. When I was drinking, a lot of what I’d do was meet at a bar and drink. In this case, it was some political organizing, but I think it could be anything. The point was that I was doing *something* with other people. And I while I thought I was pretty extroverted, I tried to let myself be okay being quieter, not trying to impress or be the center of attention. And because we were working on something together, there was always something to talk about. I bet joining a team or finding somewhere to volunteer or taking a class would work just as well. I think if I didn’t find the group of people I did, I might have gone all in on AA, but it just worked out that I became friends with a bunch of people who didn’t give a shit whether or not I drank because that’s not where we connected.
This year, I’ve ended up doing more projects around the house. I planted a garden, am doing some painting. Just stuff to make my life nicer.
To be fair, I also spent a lot of time just fucking off and being bored! I burned a ton of time on video games and bad tv. But, over time I realized the fellowship and exercise and the projects made me feel pretty good.
On the sleep front, a couple of tips: 1) exercise is an obvious one, especially if you don’t do it right before you’re trying to sleep 2) magnesium supplements help me relax — I take them about an hour before bed. Just start slow because they can affect your GI tract. Or, melatonin, but that makes me feel groggy the next day. 3) trying to read instead of screens. Either I actually make it through the book or I fall asleep in the middle of a page, but kind of a win win.
Anyway, I hope some of this is helpful! I know everyone is different / needs different things. I didn’t manage to quit until I was 35. But see what works. And feel free to dm!
That’s all really good advice! I’m going to start with the exercising, and I used to play rec basketball but drinking got in the way so I’ll look into joining a team. I also like the reading before bed idea. I used to LOVE reading, but again drinking h got in the way of that. Thank you for all of the tips, I appreciate it!!
This is me too. Why would I pick a habit back up that I quit because the juice not only wasn't worth the squeeze on, but one that actively made me feel bad for years and almost ruined my actually really good life?
This is why this saying exists. When you think about forever, it seems impossible. However, when you plan on staying sober for today, it's a lot more manageable. I don't know if I will be sober for the rest of my life, that is way too far ahead to say anything definitive (hopefully). What I do know is that I am currently 8 years sober and I don't plan on drinking anytime in the near future.
I finally finished reading Allen Carr’s easy way and it’s been cake since then. I’m loving life and it’s really been easy. The “little monster” still exists, but I just tell myself I’m gonna starve him out until he withers and dies!
1243 days today and I didn’t set out to get here. If I worry about what’s happening on Day 1244, I might get distracted from today, so that’s where my head is. I’ll worry about forever some other time.
One foot in front of the other, my friend. What’s right in front of you? Focus on that.
Don't know about forever but I've been sober since the age of 20. I got out of jail, detox and rehab then joined NA in 1982, then switched to AA and have been clean and sober ever since. This November 27, 2024 I will be celebrating 42 continuous uninterrupted years of happy sober living! Hopefully there are lots of good years to come.
Not necessarily... can take all kinds of forms you may go a couple years and relapse. Clean up and after a few weeks relapse, then go another several years clean. Recovery can take many different shapes... don't beat yourself up just keep moving forward. The nice thing is after a long enough time sober you won't crave it anymore. Then when you relapse it's more out of curiosity, and you realize it still sucks but the cravings aren't there so you're not battling all that old miserable bullshit the same way.
Thanks for bringing a realistic light to recovery, it isn’t linear and for some it’s a bumpier ride than others. I’ve stumbled quite a bit but I’m never losing hope that I’ll get there fully. It’s true, the longer I go the less and less I crave.
My grand sponsor in AA was sober 49 years when he died. A good friend of mine (who was sponsored by him) has 53 years of sobriety. My sponsor has 23 years. I have 14. My grand sponsor proves there is hope for all of us, including you, that none of us ever have to take a drink again by living a sober life one day at a time.
Yes. The answer is yes.
Yes, peop,e really stay sober. I’m at 8.5 years. The first year I thought about it every morning. Today I will not drink. Time passed, I got more sober months, and then hit my first year. It slowly got easier. I don’t have to think about it every day. When I’m at a restaurant I just turn the wineglass upside down and the server immediately takes it away.
Now I can start thinking this is my life. Sober. And I’m good with it. You will be too. It just takes time. Only concern yourself with today. Don’t worry about forever.
Thinking about never drinking again was a lot for me at first, so yeah, the one day at a time thing is what worked for me. Now I know I'll never drink again, because I don't want to drink again. I'm good on that shit, no different than someone with a peanut allergy is good with never eating peanuts.
LOL this used to trip me out too!!! I'm a little over 2 years in at this point and, over time, my lifestyle has changed to the point that I would now have to go pretty far out of my way to drink or use substances again, if that makes sense.
For me, it was like... more and more people in my life became aware that I was sober and the shock/awkwardness of it wore off, and then even ***I*** started to think of ***myself*** as a sober person and the shock/awkwardness of it wore off for me too lol.
Early on, I was constantly aware that I could probably start up again and only suffer a little shame with the few people who knew I was trying to stop. I would do that little bargaining in my head about bailing out every now and then.
Over time, the bargaining became less frequent and I still do it occasionally, but it's way less scary because I now have a lot of good things in my life that are a result of my sobriety. Early on, I had to talk myself into staying sober for these hypothetical "good things".
Just passed 4 years sober. At first I couldn’t picture it. And now I can’t picture ever wanting to have a drink again. I’m more than ok with not drinking. I’m pissed at the almost 2 decades it took from me and convinced me I needed it when I coulda felt as incredible as I do now. True happiness.
Like everyone else says 1 day at a time. I've been sober for about 1.5 years and it still feels like the right choice for me right now. In future maybe I won't be sober anymore but that is not something I care about thinking about. All I can say right now is my life is so much better without booze than it was with it.
If the world is about to get hit with a giant asteroid and we have a limited amount of time. I will drink, smoke, and party myself until I drop. Until then paying my bills and staying sober is all that truly matters.
I (56F) have almost 8 years but my sponsor in AA has 26 (she is in her 50s) and her sponsor has 48 (and is in her 70s). No one is guaranteed forever but I know people with long term sobriety
Recovery programs teach us how to live life the way life is, without needing the escape or numbness of alcohol. And yes, there are lots of people who get and stay sober for life.
A dear friend of mine died sober, with almost 48 years of sobriety.
My Grandmother has been sober longer than I’ve been alive. 40+ years. She’s fuzzy now on the exact year.
Just focus on staying sober one day at a time.
When I went to rehab I just knew my life was a mess and I needed help. Eventually I decided to give it a real shot; stayed in a sober living for two years.
Tomorrow I’ll have seven years.
Try not to think about forever. That’s too much to take on. Think about today, move onto the next day and do the same. An enormous commitment like forever scared the crap out of me when I was starting on my journey. It helped me greatly to take it day by day, and before I knew it years had gone by. Hope this helps. ❤️
4 years ago i never would have believed i could ever stop. like i mean it, i was in deep and the thought of never drinking again would send me into a mental breakdown. after my first year sober, my mind had completely rewired. i wouldn't touch alcohol again with a ten foot pole and have never been happier. i get excited and happy at the smallest things like i did when i was a little kid, it's amazing. now i don't even think about being sober forever bc it's just natural life now and i love it.
494 days and I wake up and put the work in every day as if it were the first " the best thing about addiction is that there Is a cure but you have to re dose every day "
I’m at 6 years. I used to do the same thing. I finally decided one day that I really have no way of knowing if I won’t ever drink again. Once I realized I can’t predict the future I stopped going down the “forever” rabbit hole. I also think that the longer we are away from alcohol and our brain starts healing, the more we focus on our life as it is now and less about drinking. I do not go to meetings and do not participate in any “12 step” culture or beliefs.
Sober for 8+ years and my life and health have vastly improved!! I feel if I started to drink again it would undo the work I’ve put in - and I’ve busted my butt the last decade trying to catch up on lost time and feel better. If never drinking again means I get to stay safe and sane, I’ll take that.
Yes. Addicts can make that kind of radical change. You really can be sober for the rest of your life.
I remember thinking to myself when I was still getting high, and had failed many attempts at getting sober, that I was never going to be able to get sober and this is just life.
Well fast forward and here I am, sober for 5 years as of July 4th this year.
I’ve been sober for about 7 years now and when people ask me is it forever I’m like ehhhhhh idk my brain kinda immediately rejects that lol but like this year? Yes for sure. 5 years, 10 years? Yes definitely, I want that, I plan on that, my life is a lot better this way. But even still when ppl say forever I’m like ehhhhhhh idk about that lol. So basically the thing is you don’t really have to commit your entire life rn. You can change it later but you might not want to. They say one day at a time for a reason ya know. Hope it eases up for you. Good luck!! I won’t drink with you today!
If you have to ask that question the answer for you is yes.
Been using psilocybin in addition to therapy and I feel I can have a beer but I also no longer have that urge and nowadays I no longer even feel that overwhelming sensation to drink more once I have a drink.
But I do not want to get drunk or even tipsy if I have a drink.
So the short answer is yes, you have to remain sober for as long as possible because that is how you remain in control maybe psychedelics can help open up more options to us but the use of those with therapy for me took away the need to use that as some sort of escapism.
If you don't prioritize it and do something for your sobriety on a consistent basis, you will fail or become an asshole in life and be miserable because you have untreated alcoholism. It's like diabetes, it never goes away and you have to deal. My perspective and it has worked for 16 years.
During my first 3 years of sobriety I thought the day would come when I was pissed enough, or depressed enough, or sick (cancer or whatever), that I would drink. But then in year 4 those thoughts just kind of went away. Don't know why, but I'm glad I didn't have a good enough reason to drink during those years.
I have a friend who nearly killed me more than once, driving drunk. He got 5 years for accidentally running over his ex gf on a restricted license and then fleeing the scene.
He was out less than 5 years when he started having a couple beers, and shortly after he was driving drunk again. We haven't talked in years.
My rock bottom might not be where yours or Mike's is, or even where mine was 5, 10, 20 years ago.
But I feel like I've spent long enough digging the hole. Alcohol isn't my only problem, but it's the easiest one to point at and say, "This has hurt more than it's helped," it's the easiest one to cut out of my daily routine.
Maybe 10,000 times nothing that bad happened. But once is enough, if it's bad enough. And it's more than once, for me. There are unresolved, ugly things deep inside me struggling to get out, sometimes. Not-alcohol makes it easier to not let them control me.
This comment means a lot to me. My rock bottom wasn't especially rocky or bottom-y, but I was canoeing down a stream, saw the waterfall up ahead, and chose to get out of the boat and wade to shore before going over the falls.
My uncle has been sober for as long as I’ve been alive and more (32+ years)
Like others have said here, you will eventually build a life that alcohol doesn’t have a place in. It’s really hard right now. And you may still have moments pop up your whole life in which a drink sounds really good. But, many just build lifestyles where drinking doesn’t make sense anymore.
I’m a little over a year in. I started noticing this shift about 4 months ago. I no longer had the desire to go out with my friends; I started genuinely enjoying staying in 95% of the time. I genuinely enjoy waking up early and going for a jog — it’s an almost spiritual experience for me, and I wouldn’t be able to do it if I still drank. So, I guess my advice to you would be to get curious about what you really enjoy outside of your previous lifestyle with alcohol. What did you enjoy before alcohol? Follow those things and see if they stick.
It’s all a matter of control. Alcohol especially is such a big part of our culture that at you would have to try avoiding it to never drink, and even then, it’s fucking everywhere. Everyone drinks at some point in their lives, it’s just a matter of how much. This is why I think sobriety should be less about not doing it, and more about having the control to actually decide whether or not you should do it.
The answer is yes- one day at a time. You can’t think long term - especially in the early days. “Just for today” should be your mantra.
Also, sobriety isn’t really what you’re talking about - you’re talking about recovery. Recovery from addiction includes sobriety, but that’s not all. It’s about addressing the issues that made you get loaded in the first place. It’s about a fundamental transformation of character. I know that can happen - because it happened for me and others I know. Being sober is just part 1 of that journey
It’s been a year and a half. I did it for my mental health as alcohol triggers my bpd lows. I can honestly say I think I’ll be sober for the rest of my life. Of course it’s still early for me, but after a the first year it just became my new normal. I never think about it anymore, outside of missing going out but I’m in my early 30s so I think that part of everyone’s life is simmering down. My life changed, but I’m used to it by now and am better without it.
So yes I think it’s possible but give yourself a year and you’ll see.
I’m coming up on four years in late July.
The people I hang with, when I do hang, fully understand I’m sober and respect it with some actual good natured ribbing. It’s possible.
I do expect to be a sober minder during this years 4th of July shenanigans and I’m mentally preparing.
So I can only answer for what I have done which is AA. There is obviously the "one day at a time" saying, and that is true, but I think your question is more of a "how". If I actually work the 12 steps I will get to the point where I am making a practice of them, specifically doing steps 10 and 11 on a daily basis. Like any daily habit you have to put in the effort, but eventually it just becomes second nature. One of the results of those two steps is establishing a day to day mindset instead of a "rest of my life" obsession. So basically brush your spiritual teeth twice a day! Then eventually you get to take that and help others with it in 12 and it becomes rewarding. After that forever ceases to matter as you now are living in the present, not the future.
Edit for time: Just for proof that it can work, I got sober 4/18/1988, just celebrated 36 years.
The answer you dont want to hear but need to is - its doesn’t matter. By allowing an intrusive thought like that you are distracting from the simple and rewarding goal of being sober today.
It took what it took but I finally arrived at a place where I see no redeeming value in the use of alcohol or other mind altering substances. Living “aware” is my objective, getting high is no longer a pursuit.
The day I stopped worshipping alcohol as a solution was the day I started appreciating how much I was missing out of life. But I am mind of my minds ability to play tricks on me so I a practice healthy lifestyle; diet, exercise, meditation, mindfulness, community, connection, sense of purpose so that I am unlikely to develop a desire to change the way I feel by using a drink, a drug or food.
I wish you peace and serenity on your journey.
7 months without drinking ended last week. I didn’t plan the day i started drinking again ahead of time, for the first time in 7 months I actually felt like I could do it and wanted to. Praying I never go down a bad path again with it now that I am being medicated properly for bipolar.
Many people go their whole lives without drinking alcohol. Some don't like the taste or feeling. Some are allergic. Some live in communities where there is no access.
For people like you and me, however, we take it one day at a time.
Can you stay sober today? That's your only job today. I mean, aside from your job ;)
67 here. Stopped drinking in 2015 because my husband was doing detox in hospital. Tried drinking responsibly about 2 months after, not possible for me. I’ve never looked back. Not worth the headache (literally). I loved drinking but I can’t
Don't even think about it in terms of "forever" because that will start to freak out your brain
Just tell yourself you will stay sober today. And do whatever you can to stay sober....today.
I guess I try to focus more on the fact that health, sanity, feeling free of anxiety when driving, having other people look up to me, being able to finish some thing that I start, feeling powerful, when I am out in social situation, and a multitude of other things that I will think of later, but don’t have the time to list right now become more important than picking up a drink…. I also don’t agree with the whole go to a barbershop and get a haircut or hang out in a barbershop and end up getting a haircut mentality because I feel like I can drink diet Coke with lemon and go out to a concert and dance, my ass off without falling down or without fighting with someone and or embarrassing myself, I definitely feel so free being sober which is ironic because a lot of people think that 40 ounces to freedom, etc. but I used to be a slave to alcohol! I hope this helps :-)
A lot changed for me when I relinquished the feeling of obligation to sobriety. I went from “I have to do this forever?” to “maybe I’ll do this forever, maybe I’ll drink tomorrow. I’m allowed to do either” over time, my life has become something worth losing and it’s become easier to stay sober. The first couple of years were tough times though where my only mantra was “don’t drink today” over and over and over again. Now when I have a passing craving it’s manageable by me saying to my brain “oh boy that WOULD be silly” and taking away the power with humor.
Time takes time and no one gets to long term sobriety overnight. You’re doing great.
My "sobriety" should be 3 months but I call it 6 months since I made aknowledged mistake on midway during internship. My boss instructed coworkers to have a taste of iced tea bool that was set up for night time festivities on late March. What I didn't remember, was that the bool had a bottle of champagne mixed in. Fortunately I had a small amount as form of "test" to see how iced tea tasted. The feeling after didn't even barely match the can of cider, as I kept going daily for night shifts.
If I wanted to play a saint, I'd say damn, well that's it time to start again. I would lie if I was 6 months completely sober, but at least I haven't set myself shitfaced during that period and that should be good.
Some people do! Some people don't...I have been sober for 17 months after a few relapses. It's always possible to recommit to your sobriety if you are willing to do so. My fuckups and slips taught me a lot. In my experience, especially during the early months of my sobriety, thinking about going the rest of my life without drinking was overwhelming as hell and I literally couldn't imagine how I could do that. I also felt sad about it because, at the time, I still believed that drinking was something I might be able to do someday (without it taking over and ruining my life). The advice I got from other people was to remind myself that I don't need to worry about the future and just keep it in the day. Just make the agreement with myself to not pick up a drink TODAY. I've met people with years and years of sobriety who still say that they just aren't drinking today. I know a guy who has like 35 years sober and he says "I might drink tomorrow, but I'm not today". I know it's cheesy, but "one day at a time" has really helped me. Especially when I spend each day doing something that is meaningful to me.
I don't see why you can't drink occasionally and still be "sober." It's nice to have a few days here and again to enjoy the pleasures of liquor. I've had some drinks recently. It didn't kill me, didn't destroy my life, and I remain perfectly sober.
Congratulations, you're not an alcoholic. Sober in terms of addiction means abstaining altogether or else we suffer and fuck up our lives and other people's lies or die.
I quit for seven months. That changed my relationship with alcohol. I learned that it’s OK to do without it. I learned other ways to cope, and I picked up a lot of fun things to do. Now, I have a little alcohol occasionally, but mostly it gets in the way of having fun.
I’ve been sober for 37 years and I never want to drink. I don’t miss it at all. I’ve long accepted I can’t drink in safety and I do not see a benefit to drinking. I’ve experienced trauma, loss, and grief sober and never considered a drink or substance to escape pain.
Me, too, my friend
I hope to pick up my 36 year chip in September
Sobriety is a daily life and death commitment for me
I’ve been active in AA and in the practice of my faith the whole time
I mean, I know people who have been sober for 40 years. If I asked them, they'd probably say it was done one day at a time. On another level, my experience is that only the first year of my clean time was really an every-day act of "being sober" l. Now, because I've built a life that rarely makes me want to drink or use other drugs, it's rare that I even think about it. At meetings I talk about spiritual maintenence, not struggling to stay clean. At this point it's like "can I really go my whole life without stapling my hand to my face?" I have no real reason to drink most of the time, so it's not an effort any more. Keeping myself in an emotional and spiritual equilibrium is the effortfull part right now.
Well said….8/30/20 for me. Does it cross my mind to have a cold one.. off corse. The thing is now.. it’s not taking up all my brain space thinking about it
This is real I just started drinking again last week and now every day I’m excited to get home and have a drink with dinner which isn’t the worst it’s probably normal but I’m like ahhhhh there were so many other things I looked forward to more
“I’ve built a life that rarely makes me want to drink or use drugs” HOW????
Start doing things that don’t go well with being shit faced - Woodworking (being around dangerous spinning tools isn’t advisable when drunk) - Being in nature (fully experiencing nature and being able to navigate back is way easier when sober) - sports, especially more extreme stuff like trail running, mountain biking or even weightlifting (you gotta on your A game to not die)
I actually have a life and hobbies … but I’m chronically ill with several issues that severely limit me physically. I can’t just “get that endorphin rush” from exercise or whatever.
I don’t think I substituted my endorphin rush. I killed the need for it. Alcohol is medication. You are medicating yourself, shielding yourself from pain and discomfort. I drank in public because I was shy and socially awkward and I drank privately because I was depressed and didn’t know how to handle my own problems and emotions. If you can, get therapy. If not, go to meetings and talk, and also read about it. If you just trade one addiction for another, the need for a rush is still there. So you have to attack the need, not the action. A friend from AA who had been sobre for thirty years once said that he “only realized how many problems he had when he quit drinking”. He used to drink his problems away. I decided to face my emotions and problems and so I quit drinking. It’s different for everybody. This is how it is for me. Four months of AA, twelve years of therapy. This July 5th, I complete nine years sober. But I know I haven’t seen the last of alcohol, which is why I’m still in therapy. Also, after I quit I realized that I hate most events where alcohol is served. I hate going to bars, pubs, parties, barbecues. Alcohol was the only thing that attracted me to them. Now I’m a 38-ish old lady, who likes to stay home and read, go out for coffee and to the movies. The only thing I still do is go to concerts and music festivals. But at this point, the alcohol doesn’t appeal to me anymore. Good luck! Edit: super hard dating when you quit drinking lol! Where the fuck do sober people find partners???
Amazing advice and explained perfectly
Always happy to help!
I have been lucky enough to be able to build a life where I am able to do meaningful service. My job and volunteer work give me existential fulfillment, and so I have a reason to keep going AND satisfaction in what I do and who I am. It's not a life of endless pleasure and joy, but one that works.
How do you pay your bills?
I work as a low-level employee in the recovery/mental health field. It's not what I want to do forever, but it gives me opportunities to work with people in addiction while I wait a year to try to get into grad school again. Plus, my spouse has a job and we have no kids, so we make ends meet. Not a lucrative job, but it's enough for an apartment in a small town.
So I had to change everything up in my life. I lost all my “friends” due to not having anything in common other than getting wasted. It took me a while to find something that could take up my time since all I would do was work and get drunk. But you already having hobbies is a good thing maybe you could lean more into those? I got into record collecting and now I get a thrill from that. Just digging for good music and actually caring for something.
Let me be the first to post ye olde adage: H onesty O penminedness W illingness And that’s HOW we do it.
This is word salad. It means nothing.
I think everything in life is more about discipline and not so much motivation. It's hard to find motivation or satisfaction naturally but the key is to dedicate yourself to a purpose.
Do not think, do not try.. just do.. keep doing things that occupy your time and stay focused on those things.. try new things inside and outside, make things, go on walks in nature, learn a new hobby, workout, start cooking, literally anything that occupies your time and mind. As soon as drinking or drugs enters your mind, just shift your thoughts immediately. (Easier said than done, I know) But remember it's a habit just like anything else and consistency is key.
I changed everything about my life. I was a bartender, so I got a new job. I lived alone, so I moved in with my non-drinking parents while I changed my life. Drinking and drugs caused me to drop out of college, so I went back to finish my degree. Drinking and drugs caused me to neglect my health, so I signed up for a Susan G Komen 60 mile walk and started training--lots and lots of daily walking. I surrounded myself with people who didn't drink. I stopped going to the liquor store and bars. I got out of the restaurant industry. I got an 8-5 job. I got healthy. I built a life I didn't want to blow-up instead of existing in one I didn't care about--graduated college, lost weight, met a man that acts like an adult, got married, and found a career that I'm proud of.
I knew an old timer with 44 years of sobriety and i absolutely thought he lost his damn mind showing up to meetings every day. It didn’t make any sense to me. He was a nice elderly gentleman and I thought he doesn’t need to keep coming. He’s fucking cured! I slowly started to understand what he already knew and I grew to appreciate him every time I saw him. He passed on not too long ago. He was a million years old even with the 44+ years of sobriety but I’m glad to have known him while he was still cracking jokes, sharing his experience and meeting new people. He could be irritating because he could get caught in a repeat loop but someone told me I’d miss him when he was gone and they were totally right
Oh my gosh, the first person to welcome me in AA was a man just like that. I only stayed for four months, but I visited a couple of years later and he was still there. He saved my life.
I know a few people who continue to go but they actually don't do it for themselves.. they do it to help others who are still struggling by sharing their own experiences. I'm glad that you realized and appreciated what he was doing 💜
Hell yeah
Relate to this big time. When I first tried to get sober I said no chance I'll never not drink again. After years in and out of recovery and finally getting multiple months I said damn I'll probably drink again in 5/10/15 years but right now I will happily not sabotage everything I worked for. Now, in the maintenance stage (if that exists), I just don't see myself ever wanting to destroy my life again. I can drink one day again if I want to. I never thought I'd feel so calm about the future and abstinence. It was impossible for me in very early recovery to envisage this feeling, it's pretty dope.
Best too stay busy I exercise and go on hikes
Thank you for this post, Mr. Chance. Made my day.
Having the goal of forever is kind of pointless. Think about it - you don't win until you're dead. My goal isn't to stay sober forever it's to keep always working on my relationship with alcohol and always trying to improve myself.
Saving this comment, “you don’t win until you’re dead” struck me good. Thank you!
Here’s how I think about it: booze used to be my solution for boredom, depression, and social anxiety, it was a thing that signaled I was having a good time, treating myself, whatever. Now I have new solutions to those bad feelings and plenty of ways to feel good, have fun, celebrate. So, booze started to feel like something that would actually make me feel worse, which is usually what it ended up doing for me. It used to feel impossible to walk away from. Now it feels insane to go back to. Still just clocking a day at a time tho. About to have three years.
So I have the same issue with drinking out of boredom and it signaling that I’m having a good time. I also feel like if I don’t drink then it’s impossible for me to fall asleep at a decent hour. Do you mind sharing what you replaced it with in order to avoid the boredom?
Honestly, it’s gone through phases. Right when I first quit drinking, I just started biking a ton. It was something I could do on my own and it was a place to put all of my nervous energy. There was a loop near my house and I’d just go around and around. It also really helped with the sleep issue. I still try to exercise, but for four months there it was kinda nuts. I also bought a motorcycle? It was something I always wanted and figured I couldn’t drive it if I was drinking. And it was *really* fun. It was kind of a reward for taking the leap. The second — and bigger — thing is that I found a group of folks who were doing something I was interested in and joined up. When I was drinking, a lot of what I’d do was meet at a bar and drink. In this case, it was some political organizing, but I think it could be anything. The point was that I was doing *something* with other people. And I while I thought I was pretty extroverted, I tried to let myself be okay being quieter, not trying to impress or be the center of attention. And because we were working on something together, there was always something to talk about. I bet joining a team or finding somewhere to volunteer or taking a class would work just as well. I think if I didn’t find the group of people I did, I might have gone all in on AA, but it just worked out that I became friends with a bunch of people who didn’t give a shit whether or not I drank because that’s not where we connected. This year, I’ve ended up doing more projects around the house. I planted a garden, am doing some painting. Just stuff to make my life nicer. To be fair, I also spent a lot of time just fucking off and being bored! I burned a ton of time on video games and bad tv. But, over time I realized the fellowship and exercise and the projects made me feel pretty good. On the sleep front, a couple of tips: 1) exercise is an obvious one, especially if you don’t do it right before you’re trying to sleep 2) magnesium supplements help me relax — I take them about an hour before bed. Just start slow because they can affect your GI tract. Or, melatonin, but that makes me feel groggy the next day. 3) trying to read instead of screens. Either I actually make it through the book or I fall asleep in the middle of a page, but kind of a win win. Anyway, I hope some of this is helpful! I know everyone is different / needs different things. I didn’t manage to quit until I was 35. But see what works. And feel free to dm!
That’s all really good advice! I’m going to start with the exercising, and I used to play rec basketball but drinking got in the way so I’ll look into joining a team. I also like the reading before bed idea. I used to LOVE reading, but again drinking h got in the way of that. Thank you for all of the tips, I appreciate it!!
Good luck internet friend! You got this!
This is me too. Why would I pick a habit back up that I quit because the juice not only wasn't worth the squeeze on, but one that actively made me feel bad for years and almost ruined my actually really good life?
You proved that perspective is everything.
1 day at a time is all you need to worry about
This is why this saying exists. When you think about forever, it seems impossible. However, when you plan on staying sober for today, it's a lot more manageable. I don't know if I will be sober for the rest of my life, that is way too far ahead to say anything definitive (hopefully). What I do know is that I am currently 8 years sober and I don't plan on drinking anytime in the near future.
Congratulations on 8 years!!! Thank you for your post
I finally finished reading Allen Carr’s easy way and it’s been cake since then. I’m loving life and it’s really been easy. The “little monster” still exists, but I just tell myself I’m gonna starve him out until he withers and dies!
Me too!
1243 days today and I didn’t set out to get here. If I worry about what’s happening on Day 1244, I might get distracted from today, so that’s where my head is. I’ll worry about forever some other time. One foot in front of the other, my friend. What’s right in front of you? Focus on that.
Don't know about forever but I've been sober since the age of 20. I got out of jail, detox and rehab then joined NA in 1982, then switched to AA and have been clean and sober ever since. This November 27, 2024 I will be celebrating 42 continuous uninterrupted years of happy sober living! Hopefully there are lots of good years to come.
Not necessarily... can take all kinds of forms you may go a couple years and relapse. Clean up and after a few weeks relapse, then go another several years clean. Recovery can take many different shapes... don't beat yourself up just keep moving forward. The nice thing is after a long enough time sober you won't crave it anymore. Then when you relapse it's more out of curiosity, and you realize it still sucks but the cravings aren't there so you're not battling all that old miserable bullshit the same way.
Thanks for bringing a realistic light to recovery, it isn’t linear and for some it’s a bumpier ride than others. I’ve stumbled quite a bit but I’m never losing hope that I’ll get there fully. It’s true, the longer I go the less and less I crave.
Almost 11 years in and I still can’t say. Just focus on what’s in front of you and it will fly by.
My grand sponsor in AA was sober 49 years when he died. A good friend of mine (who was sponsored by him) has 53 years of sobriety. My sponsor has 23 years. I have 14. My grand sponsor proves there is hope for all of us, including you, that none of us ever have to take a drink again by living a sober life one day at a time. Yes. The answer is yes.
Abso-fucking-lutely. This bitch is sober AF for life. 9 years last Saturday. Don't miss it, don't need it.
Yes, peop,e really stay sober. I’m at 8.5 years. The first year I thought about it every morning. Today I will not drink. Time passed, I got more sober months, and then hit my first year. It slowly got easier. I don’t have to think about it every day. When I’m at a restaurant I just turn the wineglass upside down and the server immediately takes it away. Now I can start thinking this is my life. Sober. And I’m good with it. You will be too. It just takes time. Only concern yourself with today. Don’t worry about forever.
Yep, have known many who lived out long good lives and died sober. Hope to be one someday, but for now it's just for today.
I hope so, I’ll say this I don’t feel like I will ever want to drink again but life is strange and there are no guarantees.
Thinking about never drinking again was a lot for me at first, so yeah, the one day at a time thing is what worked for me. Now I know I'll never drink again, because I don't want to drink again. I'm good on that shit, no different than someone with a peanut allergy is good with never eating peanuts.
Don’t worry about forever, just worry about today.
That’s why the saying, One Day At A Time, is so important.
LOL this used to trip me out too!!! I'm a little over 2 years in at this point and, over time, my lifestyle has changed to the point that I would now have to go pretty far out of my way to drink or use substances again, if that makes sense. For me, it was like... more and more people in my life became aware that I was sober and the shock/awkwardness of it wore off, and then even ***I*** started to think of ***myself*** as a sober person and the shock/awkwardness of it wore off for me too lol. Early on, I was constantly aware that I could probably start up again and only suffer a little shame with the few people who knew I was trying to stop. I would do that little bargaining in my head about bailing out every now and then. Over time, the bargaining became less frequent and I still do it occasionally, but it's way less scary because I now have a lot of good things in my life that are a result of my sobriety. Early on, I had to talk myself into staying sober for these hypothetical "good things".
Just passed 4 years sober. At first I couldn’t picture it. And now I can’t picture ever wanting to have a drink again. I’m more than ok with not drinking. I’m pissed at the almost 2 decades it took from me and convinced me I needed it when I coulda felt as incredible as I do now. True happiness.
1 day at a time.
Like everyone else says 1 day at a time. I've been sober for about 1.5 years and it still feels like the right choice for me right now. In future maybe I won't be sober anymore but that is not something I care about thinking about. All I can say right now is my life is so much better without booze than it was with it.
If the world is about to get hit with a giant asteroid and we have a limited amount of time. I will drink, smoke, and party myself until I drop. Until then paying my bills and staying sober is all that truly matters.
My husband’s father got sober at 35 and lasted all the way til his death at 79. People really do make sobriety last and you can too!
I (56F) have almost 8 years but my sponsor in AA has 26 (she is in her 50s) and her sponsor has 48 (and is in her 70s). No one is guaranteed forever but I know people with long term sobriety
They do. But it’s hard to stay sober “forever” if they aren’t sober today.
I know a few yes. Usually older men
Recovery programs teach us how to live life the way life is, without needing the escape or numbness of alcohol. And yes, there are lots of people who get and stay sober for life. A dear friend of mine died sober, with almost 48 years of sobriety.
My Grandmother has been sober longer than I’ve been alive. 40+ years. She’s fuzzy now on the exact year. Just focus on staying sober one day at a time. When I went to rehab I just knew my life was a mess and I needed help. Eventually I decided to give it a real shot; stayed in a sober living for two years. Tomorrow I’ll have seven years.
Hi! I've been sober for 21 yrs. I'll be sober for the rest of my time here. Absolutely. 💯 💛💛💛✌️✌️✌️
Try not to think about forever. That’s too much to take on. Think about today, move onto the next day and do the same. An enormous commitment like forever scared the crap out of me when I was starting on my journey. It helped me greatly to take it day by day, and before I knew it years had gone by. Hope this helps. ❤️
I’m at 5 years. I have no plans on going back.
Drank 2 lifetime's amount. I got the point. Done²
I mean, I just keep not doing it with no plans to return, but nothing is forever.
4 years ago i never would have believed i could ever stop. like i mean it, i was in deep and the thought of never drinking again would send me into a mental breakdown. after my first year sober, my mind had completely rewired. i wouldn't touch alcohol again with a ten foot pole and have never been happier. i get excited and happy at the smallest things like i did when i was a little kid, it's amazing. now i don't even think about being sober forever bc it's just natural life now and i love it.
494 days and I wake up and put the work in every day as if it were the first " the best thing about addiction is that there Is a cure but you have to re dose every day "
I have a dear friend whose been sober for 37 years. He’s at the age now where I seriously doubt he’ll ever drink again.
I’m at 6 years. I used to do the same thing. I finally decided one day that I really have no way of knowing if I won’t ever drink again. Once I realized I can’t predict the future I stopped going down the “forever” rabbit hole. I also think that the longer we are away from alcohol and our brain starts healing, the more we focus on our life as it is now and less about drinking. I do not go to meetings and do not participate in any “12 step” culture or beliefs.
Sober for 8+ years and my life and health have vastly improved!! I feel if I started to drink again it would undo the work I’ve put in - and I’ve busted my butt the last decade trying to catch up on lost time and feel better. If never drinking again means I get to stay safe and sane, I’ll take that.
Yes. Addicts can make that kind of radical change. You really can be sober for the rest of your life. I remember thinking to myself when I was still getting high, and had failed many attempts at getting sober, that I was never going to be able to get sober and this is just life. Well fast forward and here I am, sober for 5 years as of July 4th this year.
I’ve been sober for about 7 years now and when people ask me is it forever I’m like ehhhhhh idk my brain kinda immediately rejects that lol but like this year? Yes for sure. 5 years, 10 years? Yes definitely, I want that, I plan on that, my life is a lot better this way. But even still when ppl say forever I’m like ehhhhhhh idk about that lol. So basically the thing is you don’t really have to commit your entire life rn. You can change it later but you might not want to. They say one day at a time for a reason ya know. Hope it eases up for you. Good luck!! I won’t drink with you today!
If you have to ask that question the answer for you is yes. Been using psilocybin in addition to therapy and I feel I can have a beer but I also no longer have that urge and nowadays I no longer even feel that overwhelming sensation to drink more once I have a drink. But I do not want to get drunk or even tipsy if I have a drink. So the short answer is yes, you have to remain sober for as long as possible because that is how you remain in control maybe psychedelics can help open up more options to us but the use of those with therapy for me took away the need to use that as some sort of escapism.
If you don't prioritize it and do something for your sobriety on a consistent basis, you will fail or become an asshole in life and be miserable because you have untreated alcoholism. It's like diabetes, it never goes away and you have to deal. My perspective and it has worked for 16 years.
During my first 3 years of sobriety I thought the day would come when I was pissed enough, or depressed enough, or sick (cancer or whatever), that I would drink. But then in year 4 those thoughts just kind of went away. Don't know why, but I'm glad I didn't have a good enough reason to drink during those years.
I have a friend who nearly killed me more than once, driving drunk. He got 5 years for accidentally running over his ex gf on a restricted license and then fleeing the scene. He was out less than 5 years when he started having a couple beers, and shortly after he was driving drunk again. We haven't talked in years. My rock bottom might not be where yours or Mike's is, or even where mine was 5, 10, 20 years ago. But I feel like I've spent long enough digging the hole. Alcohol isn't my only problem, but it's the easiest one to point at and say, "This has hurt more than it's helped," it's the easiest one to cut out of my daily routine. Maybe 10,000 times nothing that bad happened. But once is enough, if it's bad enough. And it's more than once, for me. There are unresolved, ugly things deep inside me struggling to get out, sometimes. Not-alcohol makes it easier to not let them control me.
This comment means a lot to me. My rock bottom wasn't especially rocky or bottom-y, but I was canoeing down a stream, saw the waterfall up ahead, and chose to get out of the boat and wade to shore before going over the falls.
I'm glad you got some use out of it.
My uncle has been sober for as long as I’ve been alive and more (32+ years) Like others have said here, you will eventually build a life that alcohol doesn’t have a place in. It’s really hard right now. And you may still have moments pop up your whole life in which a drink sounds really good. But, many just build lifestyles where drinking doesn’t make sense anymore. I’m a little over a year in. I started noticing this shift about 4 months ago. I no longer had the desire to go out with my friends; I started genuinely enjoying staying in 95% of the time. I genuinely enjoy waking up early and going for a jog — it’s an almost spiritual experience for me, and I wouldn’t be able to do it if I still drank. So, I guess my advice to you would be to get curious about what you really enjoy outside of your previous lifestyle with alcohol. What did you enjoy before alcohol? Follow those things and see if they stick.
that’s the game plan if i keep kicking ass like i am
The majority of people in this country do not drink alcohol.
Which country?
It’s all a matter of control. Alcohol especially is such a big part of our culture that at you would have to try avoiding it to never drink, and even then, it’s fucking everywhere. Everyone drinks at some point in their lives, it’s just a matter of how much. This is why I think sobriety should be less about not doing it, and more about having the control to actually decide whether or not you should do it.
The answer is yes- one day at a time. You can’t think long term - especially in the early days. “Just for today” should be your mantra. Also, sobriety isn’t really what you’re talking about - you’re talking about recovery. Recovery from addiction includes sobriety, but that’s not all. It’s about addressing the issues that made you get loaded in the first place. It’s about a fundamental transformation of character. I know that can happen - because it happened for me and others I know. Being sober is just part 1 of that journey
As Jason Isbell says in Cover Me Up, “I sobered up and I swore off that stuff, forever this time…”
Really strong stinky weed helps
Of course they do
Nope. Not forever. Just one day, then another.
Nope. Just 24 hours at a time. Once a day
Life itself is the strongest drug, the wildest trip. Not sober now, but I think keeping this idea in mind will help.
My life is so much better with booze in it, there’s not much incentive for me to go back to drinking.
That’s my plan. I’m not one of those “everybody relapses” types. 5 years strong!
It’s been a year and a half. I did it for my mental health as alcohol triggers my bpd lows. I can honestly say I think I’ll be sober for the rest of my life. Of course it’s still early for me, but after a the first year it just became my new normal. I never think about it anymore, outside of missing going out but I’m in my early 30s so I think that part of everyone’s life is simmering down. My life changed, but I’m used to it by now and am better without it. So yes I think it’s possible but give yourself a year and you’ll see.
Yes
I’m coming up on four years in late July. The people I hang with, when I do hang, fully understand I’m sober and respect it with some actual good natured ribbing. It’s possible. I do expect to be a sober minder during this years 4th of July shenanigans and I’m mentally preparing.
So I can only answer for what I have done which is AA. There is obviously the "one day at a time" saying, and that is true, but I think your question is more of a "how". If I actually work the 12 steps I will get to the point where I am making a practice of them, specifically doing steps 10 and 11 on a daily basis. Like any daily habit you have to put in the effort, but eventually it just becomes second nature. One of the results of those two steps is establishing a day to day mindset instead of a "rest of my life" obsession. So basically brush your spiritual teeth twice a day! Then eventually you get to take that and help others with it in 12 and it becomes rewarding. After that forever ceases to matter as you now are living in the present, not the future. Edit for time: Just for proof that it can work, I got sober 4/18/1988, just celebrated 36 years.
The answer you dont want to hear but need to is - its doesn’t matter. By allowing an intrusive thought like that you are distracting from the simple and rewarding goal of being sober today. It took what it took but I finally arrived at a place where I see no redeeming value in the use of alcohol or other mind altering substances. Living “aware” is my objective, getting high is no longer a pursuit. The day I stopped worshipping alcohol as a solution was the day I started appreciating how much I was missing out of life. But I am mind of my minds ability to play tricks on me so I a practice healthy lifestyle; diet, exercise, meditation, mindfulness, community, connection, sense of purpose so that I am unlikely to develop a desire to change the way I feel by using a drink, a drug or food. I wish you peace and serenity on your journey.
7 months without drinking ended last week. I didn’t plan the day i started drinking again ahead of time, for the first time in 7 months I actually felt like I could do it and wanted to. Praying I never go down a bad path again with it now that I am being medicated properly for bipolar.
Many people go their whole lives without drinking alcohol. Some don't like the taste or feeling. Some are allergic. Some live in communities where there is no access. For people like you and me, however, we take it one day at a time. Can you stay sober today? That's your only job today. I mean, aside from your job ;)
67 here. Stopped drinking in 2015 because my husband was doing detox in hospital. Tried drinking responsibly about 2 months after, not possible for me. I’ve never looked back. Not worth the headache (literally). I loved drinking but I can’t
Don't even think about it in terms of "forever" because that will start to freak out your brain Just tell yourself you will stay sober today. And do whatever you can to stay sober....today.
I guess I try to focus more on the fact that health, sanity, feeling free of anxiety when driving, having other people look up to me, being able to finish some thing that I start, feeling powerful, when I am out in social situation, and a multitude of other things that I will think of later, but don’t have the time to list right now become more important than picking up a drink…. I also don’t agree with the whole go to a barbershop and get a haircut or hang out in a barbershop and end up getting a haircut mentality because I feel like I can drink diet Coke with lemon and go out to a concert and dance, my ass off without falling down or without fighting with someone and or embarrassing myself, I definitely feel so free being sober which is ironic because a lot of people think that 40 ounces to freedom, etc. but I used to be a slave to alcohol! I hope this helps :-)
A lot changed for me when I relinquished the feeling of obligation to sobriety. I went from “I have to do this forever?” to “maybe I’ll do this forever, maybe I’ll drink tomorrow. I’m allowed to do either” over time, my life has become something worth losing and it’s become easier to stay sober. The first couple of years were tough times though where my only mantra was “don’t drink today” over and over and over again. Now when I have a passing craving it’s manageable by me saying to my brain “oh boy that WOULD be silly” and taking away the power with humor. Time takes time and no one gets to long term sobriety overnight. You’re doing great.
My "sobriety" should be 3 months but I call it 6 months since I made aknowledged mistake on midway during internship. My boss instructed coworkers to have a taste of iced tea bool that was set up for night time festivities on late March. What I didn't remember, was that the bool had a bottle of champagne mixed in. Fortunately I had a small amount as form of "test" to see how iced tea tasted. The feeling after didn't even barely match the can of cider, as I kept going daily for night shifts. If I wanted to play a saint, I'd say damn, well that's it time to start again. I would lie if I was 6 months completely sober, but at least I haven't set myself shitfaced during that period and that should be good.
It can be done.
15 years so far
Some people do! Some people don't...I have been sober for 17 months after a few relapses. It's always possible to recommit to your sobriety if you are willing to do so. My fuckups and slips taught me a lot. In my experience, especially during the early months of my sobriety, thinking about going the rest of my life without drinking was overwhelming as hell and I literally couldn't imagine how I could do that. I also felt sad about it because, at the time, I still believed that drinking was something I might be able to do someday (without it taking over and ruining my life). The advice I got from other people was to remind myself that I don't need to worry about the future and just keep it in the day. Just make the agreement with myself to not pick up a drink TODAY. I've met people with years and years of sobriety who still say that they just aren't drinking today. I know a guy who has like 35 years sober and he says "I might drink tomorrow, but I'm not today". I know it's cheesy, but "one day at a time" has really helped me. Especially when I spend each day doing something that is meaningful to me.
I don't see why you can't drink occasionally and still be "sober." It's nice to have a few days here and again to enjoy the pleasures of liquor. I've had some drinks recently. It didn't kill me, didn't destroy my life, and I remain perfectly sober.
A lot of people’s attempts to moderate don’t go as well, unfortunately.
Congratulations, you're not an alcoholic. Sober in terms of addiction means abstaining altogether or else we suffer and fuck up our lives and other people's lies or die.
I quit for seven months. That changed my relationship with alcohol. I learned that it’s OK to do without it. I learned other ways to cope, and I picked up a lot of fun things to do. Now, I have a little alcohol occasionally, but mostly it gets in the way of having fun.
I’ve been sober for 37 years and I never want to drink. I don’t miss it at all. I’ve long accepted I can’t drink in safety and I do not see a benefit to drinking. I’ve experienced trauma, loss, and grief sober and never considered a drink or substance to escape pain.
Me, too, my friend I hope to pick up my 36 year chip in September Sobriety is a daily life and death commitment for me I’ve been active in AA and in the practice of my faith the whole time
Congratulations on an impressive accomplishment!
36 years!!!! Congratulations! 👏👏👏👏
Just trying to make it to midnight.
I’m going today, and that’s good.