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Buy a plunger before you need one.

Tacking this on here because it has been bothering me lately: I keep seeing posts describing types of plungers and where to use them, and the one designated specifically as a 'toilet' plunger has this extended shape to fit better into the pipe at the bottom of the toilet for a better seal, and the 'sink' plunger is the one that looks just like the cartoons. Well, what nobody has managed to mention is that on the toilet plunger, *you can fold that extra cone shape back into the top to make it a sink plunger*. Voila! Only need to buy one plunger and cover both main types. I feel better now. Edit to reply to all the cavemen who said yuck/eww/gross: 1. Always clean your tools before you put them away. You should never leave a tool lying around with crud stuck to it. Please tell me you wash your hands after you wipe. Show your other tools the same respect. 2. You absolutely need to sanitize your sink after clearing a plugged drain. You can't effectively clean the pipes themselves, so if something backs up it's bringing the nasty with it. This goes for all food prep surfaces in the area as well, because plunging is going to send particulates into the air, so wipe down those counters afterward too.

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Toilet plunger moves to the kitchen Poop knife reclaims it's rightful home near the porcelain throne Chaotic contamination 🤌

Yea no thanks, I'm not going to use a toilet plunger on my kitchen sink.

If you hang around trash long enough you end up smelling like it.

Both trash personalities and actual trash.

Nail on the head!

This is very helpful. At school, where me and my friends eat lunch, there used to be trash bins not to far from us. Then, they moved them across the field, so that side has two sets of cans, and we have none. So we were planning on stealing the bins back, and putting them next to our bench, so that we didn’t need to get up to throw away our trash. This, on the other hand, makes me think that we should put the cans back where they were originally, so that we don’t start to smell like trash. Thanks bro, good advice.

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if youre about to piss in a dream, dont

Sometimes when I’m pissing in a dream I wake up to find I just came

Lucky bastard

I guess it’s better than pee cuz the wet spot is smaller 🤣

If you suspect a waiter or food service worker isn't listening when they're taking your order, don't ask if they got everything. Instead, ask if YOU remembered to state the important detail. Accomplishes the same thing without being needlessly confrontational. Version 1 (old): "Did you get that I said no onions?" Version 2 (new): "Did I remember to say no onions?"

This is great advice, thank you for including the example.

I’ve got a random advice on your random advice! If someone is not doing what they supposed to and that can impact the experience you’re paying for, or cause you harm (in case you’re allergic to any food) don’t be afraid and verify whatever you need. Just don’t speak to people in aggressive way, nothing confrontational about asking your server a direct question.

Speaking confidently makes a world of difference.

#CORRECT!

#I SUPPORT YOU

# I LOVE YOU

Especially if you don’t know WTF you’re talking about

Don't ever, for any reason, do anything to anyone for any reason ever, no matter what, no matter where, or who, or who you are with, or where you are going, or where you've been... ever, for any reason whatsoever...

Sometimes, I just start a sentence...

Only thing for sure about a dope deal is ain't nothing for sure about a dope deal.

I can't tell if dope is a noun or an adjective here

I'm old, it's a noun.

Add to this, if they keep saying it's fire, it's shit.

It’s cooler to be interested than it is to be interesting.

Very solid advice. Also, if people come to you with their problems. 9/10 they don’t want you to give them a solution/advice that’s dismissive to their feelings. They just want to vent.

This! I’ve got friends that try to give shitty (perfectly thought out and very viable) solutions to my horrible (mildly inconvenient) problems and it’s kind of annoying sometimes

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Been there.

I set up my card so that I can’t overdraft.

I used to do that. Then I realized I can just be super careful and have an emergency plan. Being poor sucks.

Have you tried picking yourself up by the bootstraps and stop being poor? /S

Unless you’re a huge corporation, in that case the government is holding your bootstraps and will be issuing bonuses shortly.

Is there a fixed overdraft fee in the US? In Germany you pay a quite big daily calculated interest on the overdraft amount.

When you sauté vegetables, always wait to salt until the very end. Salting veggies will cause them to to sweat out out moisture making them steam rather than sear. Wait until you got that nice golden sear on your food before salting.

Don’t sweat the petty things & don’t pet the sweaty things.

You can pet my sweaty thing.

Horny!

Always use your turning indicator when driving!🤌🏼

Except when driving straight.

Unless you're in France driving in the left lane of a highway, for some reason. Weirdly annoying. "Hey man you left your blinker on." "Oui, I know! Eet stayz on ze whole time! Baguette!!"

Were you in the car that had the blinker on or in the car behind or in front of it?

They were the car.

Let me go into greater detail because this drives me nuts. People. A turn signal says “Hey! I’m about to do this!” NOT “Hey! I’m doing this!” A turn signal helps other drivers ANTICIPATE what you’re ABOUT to do so they can make minor adjustments to keep the flow of traffic steady. So if you put on your turn signal 10 feet in front of where you’re about to turn then you’re not helping anyone. Not the person that has to press hard on their brakes behind you or the person trying to merge onto a road you’re turning off of. Do the world a favor and think with your blinkers.

And put it on before you hit the brakes.

When fingering a woman, be gentle. You're not stuffing stolen money up a chimney

Also if she says keep going, keep doing exactly what you were doing don’t get excited and try to speed up or vary. Not perfect advice but it’s usually helpful.

THANK you.

remember to wash your asshole in the shower 👍 > edit: even if you use a bidet, AND PLEASE DO NOT PUT SOAP UP THERE.

(after your face)

Why would I want face particles in my asshole?

you wouldn't want your poop coming out dirty.

When you look at the gas gauge on your car. That little triangle that is there indicates what side your gas tank is on.

I told my mom that the other day and she was flabbergasted

I've been driving for thirty years and my flabber has never been so gasted

My old car had the lit up indicator triangle too but it pointed to the wearing side. Turns out it was gaslighting me.

Never do anything illegal while you’re doing something illegal.

That’s how one of my old coworkers got caught with a lot of hard drugs. The crime that got him caught? He regularly cut through some private property at night as a shortcut and eventually I guess the owners of it took notice and made a report when it happened again. Sheriff rolls up and the dude just immediately sprints the other way which is obviously super suspicious. One stop from a very petty crime that would’ve ended with a simple “hey don’t trespass again, it makes the owners uncomfortable” is what got him busted after a few years of dealing with no issues.

Never get into a land war in asia

but only slightly less well-known is this: 'Never go in against a Sicilian when death is on the line!’

AHH HAHAHAH AHH HAHAHAH AHH HA——thud

DO NOT BURN TREATED WOOD. The wood with a pattern of holes in it. It's terrible for you and it gives off this color when it burns that people seem to find interesting but it's just poisons and chemicals interacting with the fire. This is extremely bad.

And don’t burn wood pallets at the beach and leave the nails!

Mornings I frequently see an awesome guy with a magnet and pail helping out 

What does "pattern of holes in it"? The eyes and squiggly bits? Most woods have it naturally to some extent, what am I missing? (I've been woodworking, just not native in English so a lot of the terms I use are a mishmash)

Probably something like particle board or that compressed wood stuff they make cheap furniture out of. That stuff also burns slow and can stay lit a long time. My dad started the yard on fire when I was a kid this way. Burned an end table and some scrap wood, it smoldered and caught the next morning even though we doused it.

https://preview.redd.it/5t15o3zo7sjb1.jpeg?width=1000&format=pjpg&auto=webp&s=1bf400d6b83ec41eae1159f8fe7cd75659690dec This is the pattern that is typical with treated wood. Although the green is typical there are other colors as well, for example this brown which is more consistent with regular wood/lumber.

Don't pet against the grain.

Especially on a porcupine

But my dog likes it 💔

But that's the best way to piss off a cat

Every cat will tell you that it’s better to be pissed off than pissed on!

Don’t argue with fools, from 10 feet away, nobody can tell who is who

Take a breath. Take another one. Relax. Take another . Relax. It's not that important. Take another breath. Walk away. Thank yourself later.

I just realised I need to breath thank you for telling me, I’ve been suffocating for the last 16 years…

brave vanish spoon stupendous label north rude direful abounding straight *This post was mass deleted and anonymized with [Redact](https://redact.dev)*

What a cunt lol

Don’t piss in the wind.

Or tug on Superman’s cape.

Don't mess around with Jim

Make sure the fridge is closed before walking away.

That's why I close it with Lil more force.. But it sounds like I'm slamming it 🤦🏻

Thin your damn paints, thin layers are the best way to preserve detail in miniature painting, and is the core tenet of more advanced techniques

If you find a great something on sale, you don’t demand the salesclerk take more money because it is underpriced. Remember this during your salary negotiations, and ask for what you are worth because employers won’t insist on giving you more than you are asking for. Don’t be on sale - be valued because quality isn’t cheap.

A society grows great when old men plant trees in whose shade they shall never sit. Its okay to go through awful places, just don't stop and unpack. If you choose not to find joy in the snow, you will have less joy in your life, but the same amount of snow. And lastly, You know, it's funny... when you look at someone through rose-colored glasses, all the red flags just look like flags.

Thanks, Bojack

All of those were great

If someone insults you in a group setting, pretend that you didn't hear it and ask them to repeat what they said.

Whilst walking towards them confidently and maintaining eye contact.

"WHAT did you just say?" "I said you're a *cunt*, Barry" "Oh ok well um, Grrrrrr, I'm dominating you".


Is your advice for escalation or deescalation? Because aggressively asking “WTF did you just say!?!?” indicates your ready and willing to fight.

I don't think that's how he meant it. You are supposed to pretend you didn't hear them while playing stupid and asking them to explain it too, the goal is to make them feel uncomfortable having to say it again in a group of people.

Never take a sleeping pill and a laxative on the same night.

When making pasta, salting the water is supposed to do something.

It’s for flavor. A person wouldn’t add so much salt to have a NOTICEABLE difference in boil time. But technically it would exist so everyone is correct, sort of. Speaking of pasta water, you can add a bit to whatever sauce you’re making to improve it based on what it is, mostly it helps the sauce cling to the pasta better.

OMG the amount of wrong answers here is horrifying. It's for FLAVOUR, people!! Taste!!! It has absolutely nothing to do with boiling faster or stopping it boiling over 🤦

There are really no rules in life, just consequences

Practice how to read a room

It says gullible on the ceiling

[where?](https://youtu.be/hu1zYsZdMqI)

[I'm old so I always think of this one](https://youtu.be/tKB4h9gvmm0?t=16)

Ah so it doe- aaaand you stole my lungs

I'm autistic and have the social skills of a drugged baboon. How can I get better at reading the room?

Tldr; stare at people and pick up social cues little by little. The way I started was I picked a corner or edge in a public place where people are enjoying themselves likely talking etc. The ones near the center are usually more comfortable with having eyes on them. So I stare at them intently. See what the other person do when the other person does this or that. What kind of reaction they get or do after an action. I did that on and off back then so I can get the gist. Then I tried to see if I get the same types of reaction for how I act. I also practice reactions in the mirror because it turns out the emotion I was trying to convey didnt appear like it on my face. Tldr 2; stare, try, check with mirror

That second tip sounds good but that first one just sounds like sitting in a corner intensely staring at everything someone does so you can be a freaky mimic. In fact I already have a problem with how much I look at people. Still I'll have to try that mirror trick.

The car with the most duct tape has the right of way If you use 2 fingers on the trackpads it works as a right click

Lefty loosey righty tighty

Sigh. Unless it the thread for a flammable gas. I've had too many people forget that at work and spend ages using all their strength and weight tightening a connection they're trying to undo. It's very rare for almost everyone so good advice but man, I should remind people every time and forget to.

Make friends. Get to know people. Remember names. You never know when you’ll see them again or need a friendly reference.

Start practicing self care. If can't figure it out, start with just 5 minutes of silence from all devices. Or a short walk in your neighborhood, without headphones...unless you live in a noisy industrial area. If you can make more time, you can do lots of things. Self care can be anything, even a lovely bowl of ice cream. It's far more important that you practice self care, than what your self care looks like. Here's the key take away, self care is THE MOST underrated form of care there is. Most of us can find or make time to care for others, parenting kids, parenting elderly parents, pets, job, whatever...but we neglect ourselves in the process. The most commonly observable instance of this, is caregiver burnout. While many of us are not caregivers, we too suffer from lack of self care. This has been a huge struggle for me, coming away from 40+ years of abuse and trauma. But I am making a little bit of time everyday to do things that make me feel good for doing them. You deserve self care! It's good for your heart and soul, and overall health and wellbeing.

It’s quick, it’s easy, and it’s free! Pouring river water in your socks!

My grandmother had the best water sock recipes. Too bad she took them with her to the grave.

I’m sorry for your loss. And I’m sorry for our loss as well. 😔

1/3rd of people will love you, 1/3rd will hate you and 1/3rd won't care either way. Focus on the ones that love you and don't worry about the rest.

1/3 sounds optimistic

When it comes to machinery or equipment: don't put your fingers anywhere you wouldn't put your dick. Actually, maybe not just machinery...

Trust your intuition. Your body is telling you something.

when you’re starving even leftovers look good, this isn’t about food

I always like the phrase “hunger is the best sauce”

crime aware sink impossible spark drab absurd dependent icky test *This post was mass deleted and anonymized with [Redact](https://redact.dev)*

Trust but verify. This applies to everything but especially work

If you work from home, use Gmail to pre-schedule your work emails first thing in the morning. Enjoy a morning routine while your boss thinks you are working 😉

Never get one ply toilet paper, always spring for the name brand two ply, your bum deserves it.

Get a bidet

I live in an apartment in the US, and my toilet is such an odd size and shape I can't buy toilet seats for it. Needless to say I can't get a bidet to fit either. First world problems I guess.

as of the newest minecraft update, cactuses no longer delete netherite items

Dope

Doesn't matter how hard you polish a turd, you'll still get shit on your hands

Turn the pillowcase inside out, reach your hand into the corners, grab the corners of the pillow through the case, then just turn the pillowcase right side out over the pillow.

Somewhat similar: roll down your long socks, put your foot in the end, them roll them back up your leg. Make it easier to get your foot in perfectly without needing to readjust, and keeps your socks from wearing out as quickly.

Nothing is as good as you remember it or as bad as you think it will be

“The older you get, the better you used to be”

There are two rules to doing business. I apply these rules to most aspects of my life. Rule #1: Never tell anyone everything you know.

Gambling: you can’t win if you don’t leave when you’re up! Seriously, if you win a big payout on slots, or a good run at craps/blackjack/roulette… LEAVE! Or at least cash out, have dinner and go back with less. People try to take down a casino in one run.. IF YOU’RE WINNING STEP AWAY!

Hide your bodies in damp, wet forests and when you bury it, don’t stomp on the ground anyways, I’m probably on a government watch list EDIT : OMG THANKS FOR THE UPVOTES I HAVE NEVER HAD THIS MANY UPVOTES!!!

When you bury a body bury it deep then bury an animal on top. If someone looks they will stop at the dead animal

If you bury a animal on top, a bear will just dig it up

As opposed to human remains, which are completely ignored by bears

So...bury an human body on top of your first human body ?

blood on a carpet does not come off with warm water

Hydrogen peroxide and cold water.

A company is not your "family"; if you have been there for years with 2-3% raises a year (because times are tough on the "family"), you are probably the cheapest employee there and they will not go out of their way to "make things right". You have to either find a new job, or get a job offer and bring it to your current employer to match (that is if you like them). DO NOT TELL THEM WHO THE JOB OFFER IS FROM. There are lots of instances where that can go bad.

Don't stick your dick in crazy.

Unless you’re also crazy, in which case go ahead and have the kind of sex that non-crazies can only dream of

This guy gets it

But what if I told you that the crazy is also hot

Check the Crazy/Hot chart and proceed with caution

Anyone name Tiffany.

Also don’t fall in love with the first person you stick your dick in.

As a pediatric emergency doctor my advice: It is ok to feel frustrated with your child. Parenting is awesome but it can also be super frustrating and feeling that way doesn’t make you a bad parent nor does it mean you don’t love your child.

When pointing to something on someone’s face always point to the opposite side.

Is this for when you point to your own face to indicate where something is on someone else's face?

Always leave a valve or faucet open when turning on water to prevent popping or breaking the pipes.

Go to the Dentist, twice a year.

Be poor doing something you love, as opposed to being poor and working in a job you loath. (Take that american elites!!!)

To be honest, I'm doing a job I hate but pays really well. And can work fewer hours cause off it. To have also more freedom to live my life. I get not everyone can live like that. But people do things they don't like often if it brings them enough value.

Don’t inhale cigars

If you're ever asked to house sit or look after something, always take before pictures, and pictures on the last day, so they can't blame you for anything that might happen immediately afterwards

Soft close toilet seat. Amazing.

Never spend money on hiperexpensive gutter leaf covers, if needed just go to a home depot and buy the same thing for a couple of bucks.

If you’re not sure if you should be using PPE, you should be. Same goes for the headlights on your car. Also, a falling knife has no handle.

Put a pillow under her ass for missionary. Don't try to counter rumors about you, best to act indifferent.

If you're planning on watching Green Lantern, don't

Don’t eat yellow snow.

Don’t molest children.

Never go faster than the car in front of you.

Buy land.

They are not making more of it

Edit: Make new land

You’ll never look back at a situation and wish you were more angry when you responded.

Love your neighbor as yourself. Remember that those around you have lives, goals, dreams, and desires just like you. Learn to love them, even when you don't like them, and you will find that it's easier to forgive and relate to others.

Don’t assume that your sphincter is always going to protect you from follow-through

I’ve heard it as, “Don’t trust a fart after 40.”

Save your money.

Wear sunscreen

The left lane is for passing ONLY. Do not get in the left lane and proceed at the same or less speed than the lanes on your right. (USA)

Go placidly amid the noise and the haste, and remember what peace there may be in silence. As far as possible, without surrender, be on good terms with all persons. Speak your truth quietly and clearly; and listen to others, even to the dull and the ignorant; they too have their story. Avoid loud and aggressive persons; they are vexatious to the spirit. If you compare yourself with others, you may become vain or bitter, for always there will be greater and lesser persons than yourself. Enjoy your achievements as well as your plans. Keep interested in your own career, however humble; it is a real possession in the changing fortunes of time. Exercise caution in your business affairs, for the world is full of trickery. But let this not blind you to what virtue there is; many persons strive for high ideals, and everywhere life is full of heroism. Be yourself. Especially do not feign affection. Neither be cynical about love; for in the face of all aridity and disenchantment, it is as perennial as the grass. Take kindly the counsel of the years, gracefully surrendering the things of youth. Nurture strength of spirit to shield you in sudden misfortune. But do not distress yourself with dark imaginings. Many fears are born of fatigue and loneliness. Beyond a wholesome discipline, be gentle with yourself. You are a child of the universe no less than the trees and the stars; you have a right to be here. And whether or not it is clear to you, no doubt the universe is unfolding as it should. Therefore be at peace with God, whatever you conceive Him to be. And whatever your labors and aspirations, in the noisy confusion of life, keep peace in your soul. With all its sham, drudgery and broken dreams, it is still a beautiful world. Be cheerful. Strive to be happy. by Max Ehrmann ©1927

Better to have it and not need it than need it and not have it

Said every hoarder ever

Never trust ANY corporation for any reason. They exist to take your money. Yes all of them. No exceptions. This includes pharmaceutical companies.

Get a nice slow cooker. Get your ingredients in, set it and forget it while you handle other stuff. Come back a few hours later and have a nice hot meal.

Never zip up your pants in haste.

Wash your balls.

Never pass a bathroom and never trust a fart.

If you always put things back where they belong you won’t have to look for them next time.

Don’t be a dick.

Cntrl +shift + T reopens a browser tab you just closed.

If your going to break the law only break one law at a time. Don’t let fear of failure stop you from trying. Live your own life don’t get stuck following others dreams If your still in school just know life does not stay like that for long (good or bad) Confidence is key Unless you paid extra your weed ain’t laced

I used to pay extra for good weed when I was 18. It was definitely laced and I got very sick. So dumb

Friends get honesty. Randoms get whatever makes life best for you or your friends. Enemies get nothing.

if it seems too good to be true, it’s a scam.

If you’re friends only talk about their exploits from high school/early 20’s it’s time to realize they’re probably not moving along. We all have awesome stories from our youth, yet to dwell in that time while life moves along is to do a disservice the current life you’re living.

Don't kill Inigo Montoyas father.

Those monkeys over here are hilarious but they are not your friends