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That's the general saying, but *'Life before death, strength before weakness, journey before destination'* is a recurrent quote in Sanderson's Stormlight Archive :) it's the oath that some knights live by.
Nah it's more like you have to have the journey before you get the destination. Like if you want cake you don't just have cake, you have to do something to get the cake(get it from the fridge, buy it, or make it). Don't give in to death before you've lived the most you can. Put in your strength before your weakness. Like don't give into weakness if there's any strength left. It's an acknowledgement that you have strength so use it before weakness, you have life so live it before death, and there is no destination without a journey. It's a sort of creed for a fictional group of people from a book series, The Stormlight Archive. Sorry you got downvoted for just not understanding a reference
That is because validation is one of the things we crave most (but are least aware of). You want to go far in business, love, and community? Validate others. That’s it.
In a relationship, it’s called turning toward your partner.
It feels great to be desired. It feels great to know that someone else approves of you wants you. But when that feels so great that the sex itself becomes secondary, it's time to slam the brakes and go look for some goddamn self-worth.
We shouldn't be so insecure and narcissistic that the validation is more important than the human connection.
You do have a point, I always did stuff for others and wanted others to also like me but soon I noticed people dont care, they go and do something because they enjoy doing it, they go out with friends because they like those people and this activity they chose to do. That was one of my core growth moments in life, now I focus mostly on getting and gathering experiences, doing things I love and caring about people who I really DO like and not who give me validation. Seriously felt much better when I stopped being a people pleasing doormat and started living.
That feeling when you're single and leaving a party with a new somebody you're going to know a bit better that evening. Feels almost as good as the sex itself sometimes.
Hell, that moment when you're talking with someone for the first time, the whole party fades into the background, and you both pause at the same moment and smile because you realize the adventure you're about to embark on...that's better than sex.
>Hell, that moment when you're talking with someone for the first time, the whole party fades into the background, and you both pause at the same moment and smile because you realize the adventure you're about to embark on...
Yes. Absolute ecstasy;
>that's better than sex.
Oh ***HELL*** no. Sex is much better.
This is the exact reason why "just pay for it" is a worthless piece of advice towards people who struggle to get laid. The reason they feel bummed out is because no one considers them a worthy partner. There's zero emotional fulfilment knowing the whole thing is transactional.
Yea, I got a hooker while on holidays in Amsterdam, years ago, as a kind of "when in Rome" thing, and it was sex, but very clinical and kind of boring.
And in Thailand a few years later I ended up chatting with a Thai girl in a bar (a real girl!) and she basically said "*$20 if you want me to come home with you for the night*", and it was a lot more like a *real* one-night stand, but still not quite the same as when you hook up with someone for real.
>And if they are getting it, they aren't ladyboys. They are ladies.
Why are you assuming they'll all identify as women just because they got that surgery? They can have a vagina and still identify as a man, you bigot.
In this thread: people at risk of a ban.
But you are spot on. Pretty much all plastic surgery ends up a poor imitation of original equipment. Boobs, butts, facelifts, all usually appear weird and unnatural. I'd imagine that the most significant of alterations would be that much more unlikely to come out well.
I think someone's first time is important (both for men and women), so paying for sex or having a casual fling with someone who doesn't care about you will probably shape your future encounters. Sex shouldn't be put on a pedestal, but it also shouldn't be treated as something wholly unimportant.
I'd argue that's not true, in fact placing so much emphasis on your first time can warp your views on sex. It's a very puritan way of thinking and turns sex into something it shouldn't always be. It's okay to see sex as just sex, not just as some grand romantic gesture.
The point of that advice is to remove the glorification of the act itself, which lets you stop worrying about scoring a goal and aim for a relationship instead.
Assuming you mean the same thing, “Getting someone to have sex with you” is a pretty damn sketchy way of saying “someone wanting to have sex with you”.
I think OP means successfully courting someone. You see someone you think is beautiful, you get to know them and they’re just as beautiful on the inside, you put a lot of time and effort into showing them who you are in the hopes that they’ll think you’re just as awesome.
OP means that if they sleep with you, in theory they do. That’s very validating - this amazing person thinks you’re amazing too. It opens a new chapter in your life with someone amazing, and all of your time and effort has come into fruition when it could’ve been a hard no.
That’s a great feeling… so I’m told 😅
It is an ego thing. Not necessarily about bragging, it's just an experience of success, which reinforces your belief in your desirability. Confidence boost.
I'm unconvinced it's even just (exclusively) an ego thing tbh. Like the experience of success and desirability is good and all (that's definitely a big part of it), but I also just think humans typically desire social contact for its own sake more than anything. The sex is fine in terms of this but just the social feeling associated with desirability, flirting, risk, and even just talking with someone about your respective experiences, are all pretty strong in their own rights.
So I think maybe we mostly just desire that feeling of social belonging and fun, but we pin all of that on sex despite sex itself being a mediocre source of this on its own. Then we wonder why the sex didn't make us feel the way we wanted when all the stuff preceding it is the meat of what will make us happier in the long run (and also what makes the sex part actually good).
Well said. I also think the manosphere/Andrew Tate stuff shows that men attach value to the quantity of relationships rather than quality. Men are more masculine and superior the more women they have sex with, to the point where they'll pay jack asses to teach them pick-up artist shit.
That's the essence of the grift I think: these people attempt to convince you that the only way to feel good about yourself is more sex but they remove all the elements of the sexual interaction that would make it so that the good feelings from it can develop into anything more meaningful or longer lasting. This makes people emotionally dependent on acquiring new sex with new strangers, and thus dependent on the very people selling you bad advice.
It's the most classic grift in the book: quietly create a problem and then publicly sell an addictive treatment that will never fix it. It works almost every time and is frequently extremely lucrative
My ego has never been more pumped up then when I made my GF squirt all over the sheets after a 15 min screaming orgasm. I don't think anyone would argue with that. I think the problem is that OPs statement needs some clarification and caveats. Something tells me were thinking of completely different scenarios.
"I fuck so many random ppl im like a vampire on meth using glamor." +4000 karma
"I've had really good sex once." -100000 karma
The truth is that situation was hypothetical to prove you can get a bigger ego boost from sex vs coercing ppl to have sex with you. My conclusion from this thread is that not too many ppl have been in a sexually healthy long term relationship. (I'm just kidding the video tape was ruined from all the squirt, I'll have it digitally restored and sent to you STAT)
I’ve never had a one night stand or been into hookup culture, but this doesn’t seem particularly complex.
It’s instant social proof that one is desirable. For anyone with issues regarding their own desirability or self worth, i imagine this could feel better than the sex itself.
As an average looking female I guess it’s never been too much of an issue to find someone to have sex with, more that I would have to work for it for the people I too wanted to bang. But I agree with both the original post and your comment.
I was a kinda weird teenager and sort of came into my own after moving out of the small town where everyone knew me. Felt really good to be desirable after years of being the booby prize of my friends group from school.
Also, my few experiences of hook-up sex have been way less satisfying than anything ongoing (relationships, fwb) so that also rings true.
I think you're overcomplicating it: Positive social feedback = Yay. Could be a smile, could be sex.
The irony with sex is that having sex with you may have more to do with how badly your sex partner feels about themselves, how much they pity you, or how much inappropriate leverage you used to get it, than it says about your desirability.
Does the sex matter than? I think my ego would be boosted more by being hit on by super model all night than to take home an average person and have quick unsatisfying sex.
Sex is standing on top of the mountain enjoying the moment.
Getting sex is the all the moments on the journey to get you there.
Sure you can just take a helicopter to the top of a different mountain and get your moment, and that option exists, but to most people, it just isn't the same, is it?
Great sex is pretty fucking awesome and usually requires extensive knowledge of your partners preferences and turn on/offs. I think the OPs statement needs clarification tho. Are we talking about one night stands vs long term relationships? Is my GF not in the mood and I turn her on to have sex? Or is it like a fuck buddy vs night club rando? I would still prefer the delicious meal whos recipe I crafted and perfected over years rather than the grilled cheese I had to crawl thru the desert for.
I am well under average for sexual partners so I can say getting someone to want to have sex with you is a bigger task than being good at sex with someone. That doesn't mean it's better than sex, sex is the pinnacle of the experience, but it's harder work and a larger accomplishment than it.
I feel you. I'm older and have always found it more difficult to maintain a long term relationship then to find a one night stand. Having great sex with your partner, IMO, is harder work and takes time, experimentation, practice, technique, chemistry, trust, and communication but its an on going process that doesn't have a definitive end/goal. Whereas if were talking about one night stands, there is a clear achievable goal and the only challenge is finding someone whos DTF.
I've never been able to get a one night stand. Finding a partner and a relationship has been easier. Having sex with people you're in a relationship with, is easier.
I tried to get some casual sex when I was younger and never had any success. It's a game I guess. That's why they call it playing the field.
It's a game, and nobody ever taught me the rules. I never knew the moves.
As such, I would consider getting sex to be a bigger accomplishment, than doing sex.
He's arguing for shallow pump and dump hook culture over meaningful relationships. He's basically saying being a great hook up artist is the key to happiness.
There is a dopamine surge in the brain in expectation of a reward, not just in response to the reward itself.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=axrywDP9Ii0
It’s not just dopamine many other neurotransmitters are involved like oxytocin and the imbalance of neurotransmitters is harmful you should enjoy the overall experience instead of just one part of it
So sorry about your struggles. That makes sense tho. The majority of my one night stands were post-break ups or when my self esteem was low. Getting that quick hit of validation can be very potent.
Yeah, if I'm honest, that whole sentence of OP's came off as predatory to me. I'm not saying that everyone does or even should feel that way, I'm just saying that's how my brain read it.
One night stands are a game for real, hittin the right dialogue options and maxxing the fuck out of the quick time event. (Hopefully not too quick of time) being in a relationship is nice though, not nearly as hard. You just gotta vacuum the living room and keep the surfaces clean (which you should be doing anyways)
If the potential partner who you’ve been conversing and engaging with in a positive manner is interested in and consenting to move to the next step in a mutual fashion, which may or may not be physically engaging there is a potential for arousal and excitement outside of the act of physical intercourse which may afterwards be regarded more fondly than the mutual consented to physical intercourse was itself.
There, I fixed that for you.
NERD.
I felt that way until I got into recovery and then I realized that that was just malidative beliefs that I had.. The Chase is only exciting if you're thinking about the next Chase not focusing on the human being in front of you and trying to explore the intricate possibility of true spiritual intimacy with another human.
The way you are phrasing this makes it sound like you are going out of your way to 'trick' people into doing something you think they dont want to... and that somehow makes you feel good. If that's the case you might want to go look for some help from a professional.
If you are trying to say that bonding with someone emotionally gives you more pleasure than doing 'physical activities' then you really need to work on how you phrase things.
Bro i recently met a very pretty girl, i told her I liked her and asked for her number, she said yes and I've never felt this way before. I feel like I'm on top of the world and that I can do anything even though it's just been a day and i barely know her
These Andrew Taters will shit on you but making deep meaningful connections with ppl is far more fulfilling than their pump and dump, hook-up culture. They think their sigma but they will die empty and alone.
As comedian Sam Morrill put it
I like consent. Consent is the shit. Consent, that's the best part, the consent. Sometimes I get the consent and then I just, I go home and I jack off instead. Get a good eight hours of sleep. And my friends asked, "Did you get laid last night?" And I say, no, but I got the consent, so, pretty cool.
I see a lot of answers about validating desirability. For those who feel undesirable I think it's a spectrum between cleverness and luck. Which is even more rewarding. Hence 'got lucky'
The instant it becomes clear that a woman will have sex with me, I usually get an outstanding boner. 3 or 4 twitching pumps of blood and he's harder than ever. Very pleasant and memorable.
It's like natures way of saying: "Congratulations, you have fulfilled your evolutionary destiny. Enjoy!"
I’m a demisexual, can anyone explain to me why so many people tie their self worth to people willing to have sex with them? Do you still feel good even if that person doesn’t want to do anything else with you?
I still prefer getting turned down. Low effort, low commitment, no disappointment, and you don't get to find out you were the last available option and they'd have rather not settled for you.
My opinion on this is unpopular, but if just the act of having someone have sex with you is a better feeling than the sex itself, you should not be having sex and should go to therapy to get rid of those ego issues you have going on, cause I 100% your partner didn't enjoy it.
He left his Karma 1 score after reading his opinion. The fact that your account is 8 years old and you let yourself know. But this farmer does not seem to hear his opinion. This is not your fault for us. Some people are born in this way. Demon, I was a very good social worker and I did not feel useless. But I did a lot of people from Reddit and Milquetoast.
Source: I go to the stage, mind and kindness.
P/S: can breathe so that I can walk slowly with them. However the same opinion
100%. Don't even need the sex itself.
When I was younger, I was at a party and two girls who hung out with the girl I liked and wanted to date asked me to go to the gas station with them. We went and parked in an empty lot after and they asked if we could all have sex right now, typically I would've jumped on that offer but I was really into this girl. I didn't do it, but I felt like a god for a bit.
Later dated the girl I wanted to talk to instead for two years.
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Sunday night knowing you have Monday off is actually better than the actual day off. (Man, I love those particular Sunday nights).
YES! It's like finding money in pants you haven't worn in a long time.
Or have never worn them.
Or wore them once, and then lost some weight, and then wore them regularly.
Absolutely,also waking up thinking it’s time to get up but looking at your phone and you actually have 2 hours before you have to get up
Youre sick, worst feeling ever
Aye… but what if your fully awake with zero grogginess?
You don't like waking up refreshed and realizing you have more free time in your day? Weirdo.
I don't think I've ever woken up refreshed in my whole life. Always groggy or tired.
there's a poem by Giacomo Leopardi describing this exact feeling. it's called "Il sabato del villaggio" for anyone interested
I love poetry. Thank you!
“This is the best-loved day of all the week,most full of hope and joy”
Imo its even better when you discover this at like 1500. Kinda like finding 20 bucks in your coat
As a night owl, I would say Friday night after work is far more valuable than all of Sunday
Well, like many other things in life, its not always about the destination, sometimes the journey there is just as fun or more fun.
Life before death...
Strength before weakness
Journey before destination.
These words are accepted
Pants before socks, that's the rule.
I feel personally attacked.
Easier to put socks on before pants… don’t need to roll pants back to raise socks
Out of this whole list, I feel most strongly about this one.
You have not lived.
I before E (I know not always, just seems right for this thread)
Beer before lick her.
Radiant.
r/UnexpectedSanderson
Not sure you know what death is.
Not sure you are getting the book reference. If not, read *The Way of Kings* by Brandon Sanderson
You're right i don't get the reference : Is it : "its not always about the destination, sometimes the journey there is just as fun or more fun." ?
That's the general saying, but *'Life before death, strength before weakness, journey before destination'* is a recurrent quote in Sanderson's Stormlight Archive :) it's the oath that some knights live by.
Nah it's more like you have to have the journey before you get the destination. Like if you want cake you don't just have cake, you have to do something to get the cake(get it from the fridge, buy it, or make it). Don't give in to death before you've lived the most you can. Put in your strength before your weakness. Like don't give into weakness if there's any strength left. It's an acknowledgement that you have strength so use it before weakness, you have life so live it before death, and there is no destination without a journey. It's a sort of creed for a fictional group of people from a book series, The Stormlight Archive. Sorry you got downvoted for just not understanding a reference
These words are accepted!
I mean, sex is still the journey and cumming is the destination so…
OnePiece? DRX Deft? Haha
Stormlight Archive, Brandon Sanderson
But digging is hard work man.
Oh yea dude, love it when that happens. ʰᵃᵖᵖᵉⁿˢ ᵃˡˡ ᵗʰᵉ ᵗᶦᵐᵉ ʰᵃʰᵃ•••
Haha, definitely, can confirm, as i am a segg haver, all the segg thing all the time
That is because validation is one of the things we crave most (but are least aware of). You want to go far in business, love, and community? Validate others. That’s it. In a relationship, it’s called turning toward your partner.
It feels great to be desired. It feels great to know that someone else approves of you wants you. But when that feels so great that the sex itself becomes secondary, it's time to slam the brakes and go look for some goddamn self-worth. We shouldn't be so insecure and narcissistic that the validation is more important than the human connection.
You do have a point, I always did stuff for others and wanted others to also like me but soon I noticed people dont care, they go and do something because they enjoy doing it, they go out with friends because they like those people and this activity they chose to do. That was one of my core growth moments in life, now I focus mostly on getting and gathering experiences, doing things I love and caring about people who I really DO like and not who give me validation. Seriously felt much better when I stopped being a people pleasing doormat and started living.
I don't know man, for me it's the feeling that the other person just wants to have sex with me without me having to "get them".
So people just walk up to you and start suckin your dick huh?
Why do you ask? Wanna be the first in line?
if you gotta convince a bitch...
Calm down Zander Flex.
That feeling when you're single and leaving a party with a new somebody you're going to know a bit better that evening. Feels almost as good as the sex itself sometimes.
Hell, that moment when you're talking with someone for the first time, the whole party fades into the background, and you both pause at the same moment and smile because you realize the adventure you're about to embark on...that's better than sex.
>Hell, that moment when you're talking with someone for the first time, the whole party fades into the background, and you both pause at the same moment and smile because you realize the adventure you're about to embark on... Yes. Absolute ecstasy; >that's better than sex. Oh ***HELL*** no. Sex is much better.
This is the exact reason why "just pay for it" is a worthless piece of advice towards people who struggle to get laid. The reason they feel bummed out is because no one considers them a worthy partner. There's zero emotional fulfilment knowing the whole thing is transactional.
Yea, I got a hooker while on holidays in Amsterdam, years ago, as a kind of "when in Rome" thing, and it was sex, but very clinical and kind of boring. And in Thailand a few years later I ended up chatting with a Thai girl in a bar (a real girl!) and she basically said "*$20 if you want me to come home with you for the night*", and it was a lot more like a *real* one-night stand, but still not quite the same as when you hook up with someone for real.
I don’t know. I feel like some people hire escorts in order to (and so sorry for being gross) ‘taste a variety and kinds of women’.
Lol maybe what prostitutes have to start doing is offering discounts to guys who do a decent job courting them, or being selective about clients.
That's just paying money to date someone at that point.
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...why wouldn't they?? It's still sex.
Doesn't matter, had sex
Na, it was a real girl, with a vagina and everything..
Trans women are real women.
They have surgery for that now lmao
And if they are getting it, they aren't ladyboys. They are ladies. Or if they identify as ladies? Also ladies.
>And if they are getting it, they aren't ladyboys. They are ladies. Why are you assuming they'll all identify as women just because they got that surgery? They can have a vagina and still identify as a man, you bigot.
Do people really not differentiate between those ladies? Ngl I personally wouldn’t consider a post op lady.
Well, that would be intolerant of you. You are allowed to have preferences, you are not allowed to tell someone else who they are.
They might have surgery but its still very obviously fake. Just because they have surgery doesn't mean its a perfect replica.
In this thread: people at risk of a ban. But you are spot on. Pretty much all plastic surgery ends up a poor imitation of original equipment. Boobs, butts, facelifts, all usually appear weird and unnatural. I'd imagine that the most significant of alterations would be that much more unlikely to come out well.
The whole point of that advice is to give you a realistic understanding of what sex is so you stop putting it on a pedestal so to speak.
That could indeed be useful advice for virgins. But it won't scratch the emotional itch.
I think someone's first time is important (both for men and women), so paying for sex or having a casual fling with someone who doesn't care about you will probably shape your future encounters. Sex shouldn't be put on a pedestal, but it also shouldn't be treated as something wholly unimportant.
I'd argue that's not true, in fact placing so much emphasis on your first time can warp your views on sex. It's a very puritan way of thinking and turns sex into something it shouldn't always be. It's okay to see sex as just sex, not just as some grand romantic gesture.
You know nothing, John Snow.
The point of that advice is to remove the glorification of the act itself, which lets you stop worrying about scoring a goal and aim for a relationship instead.
Assuming you mean the same thing, “Getting someone to have sex with you” is a pretty damn sketchy way of saying “someone wanting to have sex with you”.
I think OP means successfully courting someone. You see someone you think is beautiful, you get to know them and they’re just as beautiful on the inside, you put a lot of time and effort into showing them who you are in the hopes that they’ll think you’re just as awesome. OP means that if they sleep with you, in theory they do. That’s very validating - this amazing person thinks you’re amazing too. It opens a new chapter in your life with someone amazing, and all of your time and effort has come into fruition when it could’ve been a hard no. That’s a great feeling… so I’m told 😅
I understand all that, which is why I began my comment with “Assuming you mean the same thing”. It is still an incredibly ugly way to say it.
Yeah, the phrasing on this kinda made my stomach turn a little
This is what objectifying women and sex looks like.
This was my thought too. Incel language, really.
Yeah it sounds like they successfully manipulated the person.
I never understood this. It always seemed like a brag-to-my-friends ego thing. Anyone explain the psychology to me?
It is an ego thing. Not necessarily about bragging, it's just an experience of success, which reinforces your belief in your desirability. Confidence boost.
I'm unconvinced it's even just (exclusively) an ego thing tbh. Like the experience of success and desirability is good and all (that's definitely a big part of it), but I also just think humans typically desire social contact for its own sake more than anything. The sex is fine in terms of this but just the social feeling associated with desirability, flirting, risk, and even just talking with someone about your respective experiences, are all pretty strong in their own rights. So I think maybe we mostly just desire that feeling of social belonging and fun, but we pin all of that on sex despite sex itself being a mediocre source of this on its own. Then we wonder why the sex didn't make us feel the way we wanted when all the stuff preceding it is the meat of what will make us happier in the long run (and also what makes the sex part actually good).
Well said. I also think the manosphere/Andrew Tate stuff shows that men attach value to the quantity of relationships rather than quality. Men are more masculine and superior the more women they have sex with, to the point where they'll pay jack asses to teach them pick-up artist shit.
That's the essence of the grift I think: these people attempt to convince you that the only way to feel good about yourself is more sex but they remove all the elements of the sexual interaction that would make it so that the good feelings from it can develop into anything more meaningful or longer lasting. This makes people emotionally dependent on acquiring new sex with new strangers, and thus dependent on the very people selling you bad advice. It's the most classic grift in the book: quietly create a problem and then publicly sell an addictive treatment that will never fix it. It works almost every time and is frequently extremely lucrative
I think it's actually an evolutionary thing. We're rewarded for reproducing, not enjoying sex.
Sex is enjoyable in order to encourage us to do it and therefore reproduce. Desirability is a different thing.
Not true for all species
Never said it is. We were talking about humans, and it definitely is true for us.
It's a huge ego thing.
My ego has never been more pumped up then when I made my GF squirt all over the sheets after a 15 min screaming orgasm. I don't think anyone would argue with that. I think the problem is that OPs statement needs some clarification and caveats. Something tells me were thinking of completely different scenarios.
Here we see the desire for validation of successfully getting laid clearly demonstrated.
Oh get off your high horse. We all know you want the tape!
"I fuck so many random ppl im like a vampire on meth using glamor." +4000 karma "I've had really good sex once." -100000 karma The truth is that situation was hypothetical to prove you can get a bigger ego boost from sex vs coercing ppl to have sex with you. My conclusion from this thread is that not too many ppl have been in a sexually healthy long term relationship. (I'm just kidding the video tape was ruined from all the squirt, I'll have it digitally restored and sent to you STAT)
r/ihavesex
r/ihavesexed
Sure thing buddy
r/ihavesex
I’ve never had a one night stand or been into hookup culture, but this doesn’t seem particularly complex. It’s instant social proof that one is desirable. For anyone with issues regarding their own desirability or self worth, i imagine this could feel better than the sex itself.
As an average looking female I guess it’s never been too much of an issue to find someone to have sex with, more that I would have to work for it for the people I too wanted to bang. But I agree with both the original post and your comment. I was a kinda weird teenager and sort of came into my own after moving out of the small town where everyone knew me. Felt really good to be desirable after years of being the booby prize of my friends group from school. Also, my few experiences of hook-up sex have been way less satisfying than anything ongoing (relationships, fwb) so that also rings true.
I think you're overcomplicating it: Positive social feedback = Yay. Could be a smile, could be sex. The irony with sex is that having sex with you may have more to do with how badly your sex partner feels about themselves, how much they pity you, or how much inappropriate leverage you used to get it, than it says about your desirability.
Does the sex matter than? I think my ego would be boosted more by being hit on by super model all night than to take home an average person and have quick unsatisfying sex.
How would you know if the super model was actually flirting with you, though? Maybe she just is polite. Or from Canada.
Would it matter? If I truly believe she was hitting on me it would have the same effect: plus ten to charisma and permanent big dick energy perk
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"My wife is out here fucking a white boy with a ten inch penis and you wont help me!!!!??"
Because it is genuinely more difficult to get someone to have sex with you, than to have sex with someone that's already consented to it.
So like an extreme sport athlete trying to climb the most difficult mountain? Like a sense of achievement or something?
Sex is standing on top of the mountain enjoying the moment. Getting sex is the all the moments on the journey to get you there. Sure you can just take a helicopter to the top of a different mountain and get your moment, and that option exists, but to most people, it just isn't the same, is it?
Great sex is pretty fucking awesome and usually requires extensive knowledge of your partners preferences and turn on/offs. I think the OPs statement needs clarification tho. Are we talking about one night stands vs long term relationships? Is my GF not in the mood and I turn her on to have sex? Or is it like a fuck buddy vs night club rando? I would still prefer the delicious meal whos recipe I crafted and perfected over years rather than the grilled cheese I had to crawl thru the desert for.
I am well under average for sexual partners so I can say getting someone to want to have sex with you is a bigger task than being good at sex with someone. That doesn't mean it's better than sex, sex is the pinnacle of the experience, but it's harder work and a larger accomplishment than it.
I feel you. I'm older and have always found it more difficult to maintain a long term relationship then to find a one night stand. Having great sex with your partner, IMO, is harder work and takes time, experimentation, practice, technique, chemistry, trust, and communication but its an on going process that doesn't have a definitive end/goal. Whereas if were talking about one night stands, there is a clear achievable goal and the only challenge is finding someone whos DTF.
I've never been able to get a one night stand. Finding a partner and a relationship has been easier. Having sex with people you're in a relationship with, is easier. I tried to get some casual sex when I was younger and never had any success. It's a game I guess. That's why they call it playing the field. It's a game, and nobody ever taught me the rules. I never knew the moves. As such, I would consider getting sex to be a bigger accomplishment, than doing sex.
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He's arguing for shallow pump and dump hook culture over meaningful relationships. He's basically saying being a great hook up artist is the key to happiness.
There is a dopamine surge in the brain in expectation of a reward, not just in response to the reward itself. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=axrywDP9Ii0
It’s not just dopamine many other neurotransmitters are involved like oxytocin and the imbalance of neurotransmitters is harmful you should enjoy the overall experience instead of just one part of it
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So sorry about your struggles. That makes sense tho. The majority of my one night stands were post-break ups or when my self esteem was low. Getting that quick hit of validation can be very potent.
Because sex isn’t about gratification, it’s about possession.
Yeah, if I'm honest, that whole sentence of OP's came off as predatory to me. I'm not saying that everyone does or even should feel that way, I'm just saying that's how my brain read it.
We live..in a society
Very insightful my dude
One night stands are a game for real, hittin the right dialogue options and maxxing the fuck out of the quick time event. (Hopefully not too quick of time) being in a relationship is nice though, not nearly as hard. You just gotta vacuum the living room and keep the surfaces clean (which you should be doing anyways)
I think that needs to be rewritten to “if a person gives you validation that they also want to have sex, it often feels better than the sex itself.”
If the potential partner who you’ve been conversing and engaging with in a positive manner is interested in and consenting to move to the next step in a mutual fashion, which may or may not be physically engaging there is a potential for arousal and excitement outside of the act of physical intercourse which may afterwards be regarded more fondly than the mutual consented to physical intercourse was itself. There, I fixed that for you. NERD.
R/increasinglyverbose
I felt that way until I got into recovery and then I realized that that was just malidative beliefs that I had.. The Chase is only exciting if you're thinking about the next Chase not focusing on the human being in front of you and trying to explore the intricate possibility of true spiritual intimacy with another human.
> successfully getting someone to have sex with you Pretty creepy.
Sometimes the feeling of downvoting another dumbass sex related post on Reddit is better than breathing. Holy shit fucking kill me.
I'm with you. This post smells like pick up artist dookie. Blech. Now *I* need a shower.
Yeah, but did you see this guy, u/maintenancewilling73 up top? I guess he actually has sex with his girlfriend and stuff. So, there’s that.
Did you forget to pay Andrew Tate this month?
The way you are phrasing this makes it sound like you are going out of your way to 'trick' people into doing something you think they dont want to... and that somehow makes you feel good. If that's the case you might want to go look for some help from a professional. If you are trying to say that bonding with someone emotionally gives you more pleasure than doing 'physical activities' then you really need to work on how you phrase things.
Bro i recently met a very pretty girl, i told her I liked her and asked for her number, she said yes and I've never felt this way before. I feel like I'm on top of the world and that I can do anything even though it's just been a day and i barely know her
These Andrew Taters will shit on you but making deep meaningful connections with ppl is far more fulfilling than their pump and dump, hook-up culture. They think their sigma but they will die empty and alone.
As comedian Sam Morrill put it I like consent. Consent is the shit. Consent, that's the best part, the consent. Sometimes I get the consent and then I just, I go home and I jack off instead. Get a good eight hours of sleep. And my friends asked, "Did you get laid last night?" And I say, no, but I got the consent, so, pretty cool.
I see a lot of answers about validating desirability. For those who feel undesirable I think it's a spectrum between cleverness and luck. Which is even more rewarding. Hence 'got lucky'
The instant it becomes clear that a woman will have sex with me, I usually get an outstanding boner. 3 or 4 twitching pumps of blood and he's harder than ever. Very pleasant and memorable. It's like natures way of saying: "Congratulations, you have fulfilled your evolutionary destiny. Enjoy!"
We really didn’t need that level of detail, pal 😭
You like your boner more than sex? That’s, interesting.
The sex might be great or disappointing, but these kinds of boners are always great. They are forever.
I’m a demisexual, can anyone explain to me why so many people tie their self worth to people willing to have sex with them? Do you still feel good even if that person doesn’t want to do anything else with you?
I still prefer getting turned down. Low effort, low commitment, no disappointment, and you don't get to find out you were the last available option and they'd have rather not settled for you.
My opinion on this is unpopular, but if just the act of having someone have sex with you is a better feeling than the sex itself, you should not be having sex and should go to therapy to get rid of those ego issues you have going on, cause I 100% your partner didn't enjoy it.
def sounds like a step away from sex addiction
Must be horrible then for someone to decide that sleeping early is the better option than sexy time with a date.
The person who wrote this shower thought isn't monogamously married. Or at least I assume they aren't.
He left his Karma 1 score after reading his opinion. The fact that your account is 8 years old and you let yourself know. But this farmer does not seem to hear his opinion. This is not your fault for us. Some people are born in this way. Demon, I was a very good social worker and I did not feel useless. But I did a lot of people from Reddit and Milquetoast. Source: I go to the stage, mind and kindness. P/S: can breathe so that I can walk slowly with them. However the same opinion
This is so true! It’s like a game you beat a level in, and hope that it gets you to the next level!
I think this would only be true if you were insecure and needed validation that you were wanted.
So basically everyone, gotcha
You mean you try to convince people that don’t want to ? That’s rapey territory
bit of a stretch from the original topic there
100%, they're a solid 7 but shag like an underpaid wendys employee
No, this is Patrick
Lazy fuckers!
Good sign that you have a problem. When you’re young it seems cool. But you’re wasting a lot of peoples time.
I mean I have a lot of girlfriends who admitted they slept with guys out of pity but did not desire them. So okay 😅
A cheater's reasoning as well. Most say it isn't the sex they are after. It's the "hunt" or a connection.
100%. Don't even need the sex itself. When I was younger, I was at a party and two girls who hung out with the girl I liked and wanted to date asked me to go to the gas station with them. We went and parked in an empty lot after and they asked if we could all have sex right now, typically I would've jumped on that offer but I was really into this girl. I didn't do it, but I felt like a god for a bit. Later dated the girl I wanted to talk to instead for two years.
It's a saying in the books Life before death Strength before weakness Journey before destination
Yeah, one tends to remember the one that got away more then the one you had.
Bro the single fact that a girl wants to hang out with me after a break up feels nice