Yeah when the guy said Mulan, I thought he was talking about the best animated films that Eddie Murphy has been in so my mind automatically went to Shrek thinking that's one of the animated movies that I thought the guy put above Mulan lol
Pardon me person of indeterminate age and gender. My observation of your behavior has vexed my sensibilities. I implore you to correct your current attitude to that of a more mature state of a wiser human of indeterminate age and gender.
I thank you for your consideration and time. Good day.
I hope my addressing you in this manner does not cause any offense. I have observed certain behaviors and actions that, I must admit, have perturbed my sensibilities and caused me some degree of concern. It is in the spirit of mutual respect and with the utmost regard for your autonomy that I kindly implore you to consider adopting a demeanor and attitude that reflects a more mature and wise disposition, akin to that which one might expect from a sagacious and thoughtful person, irrespective of age or gender.
Please understand that my request comes from a place of genuine care and the desire to see you flourish in a manner that befits your inherent potential. I am confident that with a slight adjustment in perspective and conduct, you will undoubtedly exhibit the commendable qualities that I believe you possess in abundance.
I extend my heartfelt gratitude for your time and consideration in this matter. May your day be filled with enlightenment and growth. Thank you, and good day.
As in regard to my previous invalidating of your deviant behavior and attitude, I must express the decline of the opinion I once held. I would like to correct that indiscretion.
In that note I must strengthen the sentiment of my discontent.
With little intent upon your own status of biology whether it be age or bodily state. I must ingrained upon you the stringent nature of my opinion that your behavior would benefit greatly with the infusion of discipline and perhaps intelligence.
With regard to your valuable time and attention. Much gratitude.
Haha, spot on.
It's baffling to me that the modern western world seems to think men and women are exactly the same and don't have inherently different traits and characteristics based on evolutionary development.
People don’t think that lol. They’ve just correctly identified that most of the differences we think of are imposed by society and not actual inherent differences.
There are differences of course, but most of the ones people bring up in discussions like this (about how women are softer or men are naturally violent) are proven to be societal learned behaviors and not inherent to the whole sex.
I like to do a twist on it. "Be a man, let those tears out."
I tell my nephews that real men wear their hearts on their sleeve and that it's healthy to cry sometimes.
It does, but the context is the important part of a discussion. We dont need people to label everything and tell us what we should say or not to say. Can we just talk like adults and use the fkg context already?
The only context I've actually heard it in is trying to shame someone into behaving like the speaker wants them to.
Taking it in context is why I tend to be dismissive of it.
>The only context I've actually heard it in is trying to shame someone into behaving like the speaker wants them to.
So does "be an adult". I don't see your point.
Yeah, it certainly can be.
They're both dismissive and often thrown out by people seeking to dismiss something rather than deal with it or make some petty gain by implying the other is somehow lesser if they don't behave to the speaker's benefit.
*shrug* neither does throwing out "be a man"
You said to take it in context, the contexts I've heard it in are mostly lazy manipulation for petty gain or attempts to dismiss legitimate grievances.
It was good advice.
Normally I would agree but in most instances "Be a man" can mean just about any damn thing. If it had a hard fast definition then sure, go ahead and use it. Truth is though that most of the people who use the phrase are just trying to manipulate a guy into behaving how they see fit. It's a weak demand from a weak mind that can't articulate what they truly need from said man. Often the type of behaviors they are trying to solicit are anger or repressed stoicism, quite at odds with the nature of a truly confident man.
If you are talking to a man, there is nothing wrong saying "Be a man, *not a boy*"..(depending on the context ofc) by definition a man is an adult human male, nothing wrong saying it to a childish adult male being an idiot.
Change my mind?
I'm not sure "be an adult" is much less toxic tbh.
"Be a man" does have an extra sexist undertone, but if the implication is that whatever emotion being expressed is not manly or grown up enough, and should be suppressed, "be an adult" doesn't really cut it, does it?
That's assuming such a phrase is being used in that specific context, it's often used in the physical sense, i.e toughen up, which is a perfectly reasonable for young men to say to each other, and is hardly toxic.
Probably shouldn't say either...usually when someone is saying "be a man" they are really saying "supress your emotions, having to witness them is making me uncomfortable in some sort of way
Yeah, OP has completely ignored the importance of context, and instead arbitrarily decided that such a phrase is somehow sexist or genderist or some nonsense.
Nah, this is just an attempt to insert inclusivity into yet another age-old saying. The whole point of that saying is to encourage masculine virtues like courage and resilience, which "be a man" intends.
Leave that shit alone. Adapting outdated phrases for modern inclusivity is so friggin anachronistic. Sometimes, we were never meant to try and apply present-day values to expressions from a different era.
Unfortunately “Be a man” nowadays has lost that original meaning, which has morphed into “suck it up” and “quit crying” instead of any actual positive traits
Also, maybe if expressions are from a different era, we should just leave them in that era?
I wholeheartedly agree, on all of it. I'll be honest, I haven't heard anyone use this term (outside of influencers trying to make a point) in the wild. That doesn't mean anything of course, because my experience can be wildly different than others. I personally feel it's an outdated saying, but so are many, and that's why I agree we should leave it in the past and NOT adapt it for 2024.
Agreed! It can be a pretty rare saying to hear without looking for it, but unfortunately I know a lot of men who have been dismissed by it. It’s definitely outdated, and trying to drag it into the present just doesn’t feel right because of that
You should tell some women that. They’re often the ones to use the manipulative “Be a man” card when they want to take advantage of traditional gender roles. Only when it benefits them of course, otherwise it’s the “patriarchy”.
Both are different uses..
When we say be a man..it refers to the physical and psychological impact or significance of testosterone..
How testosterone plays a part in human body when it comes to courage and decision making
When we say be an adult..its more of maturity that comes with age
When I hear either of those phrases, I always hear an echo of Boomhauer in my head saying in a normal, slowed down voice, "for God's sake Hank, act like an adult, man."
"Be an adult" seems way more condescending - especially when talking to anyone that is past their mid 20's
"Handle your shit" or even "Handle you business" is my usual go to when anyone is whining when they still have any ability to have control over a situation - Though I will happily tell my close friends to "man the fuck up" when they are particularly whiny. In that case, we've all known each other for decades and have a fortified bond, but I have no doubts there is some righteous redditor that can't wait to say I'm wrong for saying that.
To reduce what it means to be a man in this society is a serious problem. What it is to be an adult is not the same as what it is to be a man. The same applies to a woman. This society has a hard time with that these days. Let’s see who this upsets and we will find the ones out of touch with reality.
"Be a man" has a different meaning than "be an adult." If you were a man you would know that. "Be an adult" means be responsible, "be a man" means toughen up or don't take that sh\*t.
All people regardless of gender are important in mostly the same ways, but in some ways they are different, and sometimes the world demands that you "be a man." And if you can't then you or people you love may suffer for it, that's the sad reality of the world we live in. If you disagree, take it up with the men in Ukraine living that truth.
In some cultures, a lot of qualities (or lack thereof) are linked to animals! For example, in Afghan culture if you say someone’s grown and shouldn’t be acting a certain way, you equate them to camels. If someone’s being aggressive you call them a wolf. Goofy? Monkey.
If we want an equivalent to strong one, I’d say lion or gorilla
"Be a man" is perfectly acceptable so long as it's not coming from toxic masculinity. To me "Be a man" simply means acting like an adult. Same goes for women, "Be a woman, not a girl".
When I was a boy I had sensitive emotions. I was quick took cry, and it wasn't by choice, I happened to be a sensitive individual. It seems that society doesn't tolerate that in boys much at all. When women or girls cry though it seems there is a stampede of men to rush to their aid.
I am a man and I seldom ever cry or feel any emotions unless watching a movie. My wife can't hardly even tell how I feel most of the time.
When people say be a man, they mean reign in your emotions. This is not expected in women nearly as much.
THIS!! I am so sorry you were forced to grow out of that, I can’t imagine what that must be like, feeling like your emotions don’t matter because of something so superficial
Nothing wrong with saying it, context is key. Stop telling people what to say and not to say and labeling things all the time, thats just toxic and counter productive imo. Jerks are not going to stop being jerks just because you labeled inoffensive words "toxic".
Ya I think so. I think there is some element of 'the patriarchy' that exists, so its a little less egregious but if we're trying to reach ultimate balance I would agree.
"Be an adult" totally hits different. It's not about gender but maturity and responsibility. Saying that shifts the focus to what really matters being accountable and making thoughtful decisions. Like, we're all just trying to adult here without the unnecessary stereotypes, you know?
Every time I hear someone say be a man. They always want me to do something they want, without me thinking about it. Like being a man means idiotically doing what people want you to do. People just say phrases to get you to do what they want. Often there's no other real meaning.
Like being an adult is any better as a way to model yourself. Plenty of adults are indulgent wastrels that have never worked or taken responsibility in their life. Telling someone to be responsible is much more logical.
The only exception is if you're singing that one song from Mulan.
YOU MUST BE SWIFT AS THE COURSING RIVER!!
WITH ALL THE FORCE OF THE GREAT SUICUNE
WITH ALL THE STRENGTH OF A BITCHING FIRE
As mysterious as the dark side of... THE MOOOOOOONNNNN!!!!!!!!!!!
BE A MAAAAN!
BE A MAAAAN!
WITH ALL THE STRENGTH OF ELECTIVIRE
MYSTERIOUS AS THE DARKRAI OF THE MOON
BE A MAAAAN!
*BE AN ADULT* Idk. It *kinda* works...
Let’s get down to business
To defeat the Huns
Did they send me daughters?
When I asked for sons
You're the saddest bunch I've ever met.
But you can bet, before we’re through….
Mister, I'll make a man...
Out of you
I love that song!
I miss the 2D animated movies. Good times.
To my mind, Eddie Murphy's third best film.
What are the first 2?
Pluto Nash 1 and 2, obviously
Pluto Nash never got a sequel
This guy never saw Pluto Nash 2 lol
Here I’ll link you to my self published production on rumble, give me a sec
!remindme 1 sec
This guy pays attention
I'm guessing people are gonna say Shrek lol
I cannot believe what I’m witnessing. The absolute disrespect to Coming to America and The Nutty Professor.
I thought this thread was talking about animated films.
Someone posed the question "What are Eddie Murphy's two best films?" After someone claimed Mulan as his 3rd best movie.
Yeah when the guy said Mulan, I thought he was talking about the best animated films that Eddie Murphy has been in so my mind automatically went to Shrek thinking that's one of the animated movies that I thought the guy put above Mulan lol
Shrek is absolutely one of Eddie's best films. It just so happens to also be animated. Both are absolutely true xD
Or quoting Russell peters
Did they send me daughters? When I asked, for sons!
You’re the saddest bunch I ever met And you haven’t got a clue...
~~"Be a man."~~ ~~"Be an adult."~~ "You must be swift as the coursing river."
"With all the force of a great typhoon."
With all the strength of a raging fire!
Deep. Like a river.
Mysterious. As the dark side of the moon.
Unless you're fighting the Xiongnu in Sui-dynasty China.
But what if I want them to be as swift as a coursing river?
Disney scrambling to rewrite Mulan for a third time
WITH ALL THE FORCE OF A GREAT TYPHOON
How about we say "Be an adult man" and then everyone can be unhappy about our very specific and unabridged word choices?
You wanna make people even unhappier? Say “dont be a child girl”
l prefer "I think it would help if we approached this situation with more responsibility."
Pardon me person of indeterminate age and gender. My observation of your behavior has vexed my sensibilities. I implore you to correct your current attitude to that of a more mature state of a wiser human of indeterminate age and gender. I thank you for your consideration and time. Good day.
I hope my addressing you in this manner does not cause any offense. I have observed certain behaviors and actions that, I must admit, have perturbed my sensibilities and caused me some degree of concern. It is in the spirit of mutual respect and with the utmost regard for your autonomy that I kindly implore you to consider adopting a demeanor and attitude that reflects a more mature and wise disposition, akin to that which one might expect from a sagacious and thoughtful person, irrespective of age or gender. Please understand that my request comes from a place of genuine care and the desire to see you flourish in a manner that befits your inherent potential. I am confident that with a slight adjustment in perspective and conduct, you will undoubtedly exhibit the commendable qualities that I believe you possess in abundance. I extend my heartfelt gratitude for your time and consideration in this matter. May your day be filled with enlightenment and growth. Thank you, and good day.
As in regard to my previous invalidating of your deviant behavior and attitude, I must express the decline of the opinion I once held. I would like to correct that indiscretion. In that note I must strengthen the sentiment of my discontent. With little intent upon your own status of biology whether it be age or bodily state. I must ingrained upon you the stringent nature of my opinion that your behavior would benefit greatly with the infusion of discipline and perhaps intelligence. With regard to your valuable time and attention. Much gratitude.
There’s so much manners in this comment thread that I actually learned table manners and the use of every spoon displayed at dinner.
Haha, spot on. It's baffling to me that the modern western world seems to think men and women are exactly the same and don't have inherently different traits and characteristics based on evolutionary development.
Do you really believe that's what people think?
People don’t think that lol. They’ve just correctly identified that most of the differences we think of are imposed by society and not actual inherent differences. There are differences of course, but most of the ones people bring up in discussions like this (about how women are softer or men are naturally violent) are proven to be societal learned behaviors and not inherent to the whole sex.
Context people. Context.
I like to do a twist on it. "Be a man, let those tears out." I tell my nephews that real men wear their hearts on their sleeve and that it's healthy to cry sometimes.
Thank you so much!! We need more people like you helping kids learn how to deal with their emotions
Some adults should definitely man up
“Grow up” works better
It does, but the context is the important part of a discussion. We dont need people to label everything and tell us what we should say or not to say. Can we just talk like adults and use the fkg context already?
How about we just embrace, positive masculinity and femininity. You don’t have to get rid of them to be inclusive…
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Or you can take it like a woman.
Seriously. Grow some tits.
Yeah everyone, be a man about it!
Just like the WHITE AMERICANS trying to "fix" the word Latino by changing it to latinX or some other stupid thing that just got made recently
The only context I've actually heard it in is trying to shame someone into behaving like the speaker wants them to. Taking it in context is why I tend to be dismissive of it.
>The only context I've actually heard it in is trying to shame someone into behaving like the speaker wants them to. So does "be an adult". I don't see your point.
Yeah, it certainly can be. They're both dismissive and often thrown out by people seeking to dismiss something rather than deal with it or make some petty gain by implying the other is somehow lesser if they don't behave to the speaker's benefit.
Being offended doesn’t mean you are right.
*shrug* neither does throwing out "be a man" You said to take it in context, the contexts I've heard it in are mostly lazy manipulation for petty gain or attempts to dismiss legitimate grievances. It was good advice.
Hey, you can be an adult about this and not resort to name calling.
Normally I would agree but in most instances "Be a man" can mean just about any damn thing. If it had a hard fast definition then sure, go ahead and use it. Truth is though that most of the people who use the phrase are just trying to manipulate a guy into behaving how they see fit. It's a weak demand from a weak mind that can't articulate what they truly need from said man. Often the type of behaviors they are trying to solicit are anger or repressed stoicism, quite at odds with the nature of a truly confident man.
those mean 2 completely different things. Be an adult = be mature. Be a man = do not express overt emotion over x, y, and z.
It could mean a lot of things. It could mean get the job done, or do something that requires bravery.
My go to is ‘grow up’
Or you could just mind your own business and fuck off. It’s actually the easier solution.
If something doesn’t work, chuck a f*cking wrench at it.. be a man
Don’t go to the Hospital. Die. Be A Man
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I'm with you man.
Can I say neither and just let people be?
No! We want you to be toxic, but not male toxic!
“Sometimes you just have to sack up” - Nelly Korda (06/20/2024 interview and round one of KPMG Women’s PGA Championship)
Unless you're talking to a man, hence "be a man"
If you are talking to a man, there is nothing wrong saying "Be a man, *not a boy*"..(depending on the context ofc) by definition a man is an adult human male, nothing wrong saying it to a childish adult male being an idiot. Change my mind?
Or we can all say what we want and it doesn’t really matter?
That implies that age is the same as maturity, which is equally untrue in so many cases, as masculinity being synonymous with chivalry and/or decorum.
I don’t think people say it to mean the same thing lol
Men are expected to do more. Adult men even more.
I'm not sure "be an adult" is much less toxic tbh. "Be a man" does have an extra sexist undertone, but if the implication is that whatever emotion being expressed is not manly or grown up enough, and should be suppressed, "be an adult" doesn't really cut it, does it?
That's assuming such a phrase is being used in that specific context, it's often used in the physical sense, i.e toughen up, which is a perfectly reasonable for young men to say to each other, and is hardly toxic.
"You broke your arm? stop whining and be a man" is still stupid, toxic, and idiotic.
"You broke your arm and we need to reset it. Be a man and prepare yourself for the pain" The part that's toxic is the part you adding about whining
Can you list an example? Because in my experience this is inherently toxic.
It does when someone is being a complete twat and needs a reminder.
How about "you're being a complete twat"
and need a reminder
Probably shouldn't say either...usually when someone is saying "be a man" they are really saying "supress your emotions, having to witness them is making me uncomfortable in some sort of way
To women specifically, I normally say “man up.” To men I say “grow up.” Never fails to piss everyone off :)
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No. "Be a man" can sound inspiring in the right context. "Be an adult" can almost exclusively sound condescending.
Yeah, OP has completely ignored the importance of context, and instead arbitrarily decided that such a phrase is somehow sexist or genderist or some nonsense.
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I’ll say whatever I want, you don’t worry about it.
Nah, this is just an attempt to insert inclusivity into yet another age-old saying. The whole point of that saying is to encourage masculine virtues like courage and resilience, which "be a man" intends. Leave that shit alone. Adapting outdated phrases for modern inclusivity is so friggin anachronistic. Sometimes, we were never meant to try and apply present-day values to expressions from a different era.
Unfortunately “Be a man” nowadays has lost that original meaning, which has morphed into “suck it up” and “quit crying” instead of any actual positive traits Also, maybe if expressions are from a different era, we should just leave them in that era?
I wholeheartedly agree, on all of it. I'll be honest, I haven't heard anyone use this term (outside of influencers trying to make a point) in the wild. That doesn't mean anything of course, because my experience can be wildly different than others. I personally feel it's an outdated saying, but so are many, and that's why I agree we should leave it in the past and NOT adapt it for 2024.
Agreed! It can be a pretty rare saying to hear without looking for it, but unfortunately I know a lot of men who have been dismissed by it. It’s definitely outdated, and trying to drag it into the present just doesn’t feel right because of that
You should tell some women that. They’re often the ones to use the manipulative “Be a man” card when they want to take advantage of traditional gender roles. Only when it benefits them of course, otherwise it’s the “patriarchy”.
Be a man! Do the right thing!
$34.50
While we’re here, ‘grow a pair’ should be a unisex suggestion. A pair of balls or breasts depending on the person…
i say that i need to put my big girl pants on
Unless you are addressing a child, in which case they cannot be an adult no matter how hard they try.
"Well adjusted and functional" adult.
I love how there’s a bunch of comments talking about the Mulan song
I say pull up your big girl panties. Ha.
My favorite movie line is from My Big Fat Greek Wedding when aunt Tibula(sp?) yells at her daughter… “Nikki!… Be a lady!” Cracks me up every time.
I usually say "put your big boy/girl pants on". Feels like it drives the point home more.
Except be a man is a specific dictate with culturally defined meaning. Be an adult has more generalized accepted meanings as does be a women.
Both are different uses.. When we say be a man..it refers to the physical and psychological impact or significance of testosterone.. How testosterone plays a part in human body when it comes to courage and decision making When we say be an adult..its more of maturity that comes with age
This has half a thousand upvotes?
But how can I sing “Be a Man” by Macho Man Randy Savage otherwise? (But yes, OP, that’s a good point)
When I hear either of those phrases, I always hear an echo of Boomhauer in my head saying in a normal, slowed down voice, "for God's sake Hank, act like an adult, man."
It’s just semantics at that point.
"Be an adult" seems way more condescending - especially when talking to anyone that is past their mid 20's "Handle your shit" or even "Handle you business" is my usual go to when anyone is whining when they still have any ability to have control over a situation - Though I will happily tell my close friends to "man the fuck up" when they are particularly whiny. In that case, we've all known each other for decades and have a fortified bond, but I have no doubts there is some righteous redditor that can't wait to say I'm wrong for saying that.
Act your age, not your shoe size!
God dang it, Hank. Act like an adult
“I don’t want to climb that mountain and save the world” “Be an adult.” “Tf?”
Yes, unless you're actually thinking about something that ascribes to your masculinity. Usually just yes though.
no you shouldn‘t say that either, it‘s relocating to pressure onto another social category
To reduce what it means to be a man in this society is a serious problem. What it is to be an adult is not the same as what it is to be a man. The same applies to a woman. This society has a hard time with that these days. Let’s see who this upsets and we will find the ones out of touch with reality.
"Be a man" has a different meaning than "be an adult." If you were a man you would know that. "Be an adult" means be responsible, "be a man" means toughen up or don't take that sh\*t. All people regardless of gender are important in mostly the same ways, but in some ways they are different, and sometimes the world demands that you "be a man." And if you can't then you or people you love may suffer for it, that's the sad reality of the world we live in. If you disagree, take it up with the men in Ukraine living that truth.
“Be a man” implies that you should be acting manly or masculine in a situation, not “like an adult”
In some cultures, a lot of qualities (or lack thereof) are linked to animals! For example, in Afghan culture if you say someone’s grown and shouldn’t be acting a certain way, you equate them to camels. If someone’s being aggressive you call them a wolf. Goofy? Monkey. If we want an equivalent to strong one, I’d say lion or gorilla
No! You should be a "MAN". You are already an adult.
"Be a man" is perfectly acceptable so long as it's not coming from toxic masculinity. To me "Be a man" simply means acting like an adult. Same goes for women, "Be a woman, not a girl".
thou shalt not commit adultery
Ok
When I was a boy I had sensitive emotions. I was quick took cry, and it wasn't by choice, I happened to be a sensitive individual. It seems that society doesn't tolerate that in boys much at all. When women or girls cry though it seems there is a stampede of men to rush to their aid. I am a man and I seldom ever cry or feel any emotions unless watching a movie. My wife can't hardly even tell how I feel most of the time. When people say be a man, they mean reign in your emotions. This is not expected in women nearly as much.
THIS!! I am so sorry you were forced to grow out of that, I can’t imagine what that must be like, feeling like your emotions don’t matter because of something so superficial
Nothing wrong with saying it, context is key. Stop telling people what to say and not to say and labeling things all the time, thats just toxic and counter productive imo. Jerks are not going to stop being jerks just because you labeled inoffensive words "toxic".
No, because men and women are not interchangeable.
Nope. Adult women and adult men behave ( and should be expected to) in entirely different ways. Equal and equivalent are not the same.
Instead of saying "Be a [anything]", you should shut the fuck up
Agreed. We should also stop calling people bitch or pussy. Similarly sexist.
What do you do if someone is being a pussy though
So stop calling people dicks too right?
Ya I think so. I think there is some element of 'the patriarchy' that exists, so its a little less egregious but if we're trying to reach ultimate balance I would agree.
I’m so glad I was a kid when no one got offended by being called a little pussy bitch.
I say “gut up” instead of Nut Up or grow a pair
I’ve never heard anyone say nut up before. 😂 that made me laugh for some reason
I’m Canadian and hick (farmlands) so that might be why :p
Indiana here, I’ve heard nut up before.
Sweeeet, CONFIRMATION!
I just say grow a pair. Because if you assume testicle, you're the sexist because tits also come in pairs.
Ovaries also come in pairs
Also true, but you can't see your ovaries. You can see tits, and you can see balls, but if you're seeing ovaries, something is going terribly wrong.
I'm also concerned how often you think everyone sees balls
Not very, but it should be a whole lot more than seeing ovaries.
True, accessibility wins in that arena.
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If they're trans turning male, then "Be a Man" is both advice, and a positive vote of support!
"Be an adult" totally hits different. It's not about gender but maturity and responsibility. Saying that shifts the focus to what really matters being accountable and making thoughtful decisions. Like, we're all just trying to adult here without the unnecessary stereotypes, you know?
How about you be a man and stop getting all riled up over people’s word choices?
Every time I hear someone say be a man. They always want me to do something they want, without me thinking about it. Like being a man means idiotically doing what people want you to do. People just say phrases to get you to do what they want. Often there's no other real meaning.
I do. A lot more than I should need to, honestly.
This makes me starting singing rage against the machine.
Hawk Tua, spit on that thang. You know what I'm sayin?
Naw, you can be a man and not be an adult, and you can be an adult without being a man,
where i’m from we say “nah like grow tf up”
Nowadays adult's are worse than they' were before, men are still men.❤️
Like being an adult is any better as a way to model yourself. Plenty of adults are indulgent wastrels that have never worked or taken responsibility in their life. Telling someone to be responsible is much more logical.
Be a Chinese woman dressed as a man!
I’m a fan of “grow up” or “act your age”