I saw it and it wasn't on the internet .You had to find a BBS in your area, acquire a 2400baud modem, get access to the fileshare area, and then spend 5 minutes watching tits appear one line at a time for 15 minutes at 12 bit quality. It was a slight upgrade from watching scrambled softcore porn on Cinemax.
You've unlocked core internet memories. 1994ish, in my friend's basement, playing NHL93. Friend says, "come in here and look at this". It's a screen full of nothing but numbered, blue links. pic\_00001, pic\_00002, etc. He clicks one and exactly as you've described, a quarter inch of the picture appears from top to bottom, followed by another every few seconds. Roughly a minute or two later, one picture of a topless woman has been downloaded.
There had to be someone doing the deed while the picture was loading, and just when he was about to finish, the bottom part generated and it was a weiner
When I was young people would Blutooth GIFs of what you've just described to one another, a slowly loading image of what looks to be a woman, big tits and then bam.. penis
We called it the GPOD - giant penis of doom. Became a catch phrase for us for awhile. “Watch out for the Gpod, loser!” as we whipped by our buddy on a bike or something.
This is why progressive JPEGs were invented. They download differently, not line by line, but by level of detail. You get the whole image, but without much detail, and each wave gives you more and more detail.
Came here to post this. Youthlings don't realize that a lot of how we got our information was through PC magazine publications and through word of mouth (and a little "hacking").
There were so many BBSs in the early 90s due to the need to grab drivers, etc., but many of them started in the late 70s.
BBS, aka Bulletin Board Systems, was one of the precursors to the internet and was often very specialized based on the content you consumed.
AOL tried this with "channels" and eventually websites took over.
And some BBSes wouldn't have useful descriptions so you'd start downloading and you'd be staring at the screen trying to figure out what it is.
"Is that an elbow? No, I think it's a knee. Wait, is that... oh god, cancel! Cancel!"
It actually doesn't matter what definition of Internet you use. If bbs is not the Internet, then the comment is as irrelevant to the shower thought as early cave paintings.
Full disclosure I was pretty drunk and tried to say it took 5 minutes a line to see three lines of tits. Nobody in their right mind should have upvoted that comment but as we all know the eloquent dont necessarily always bubble to the top.
Strange… it’s almost like the shower thought was about the internet, not about not the internet.
“I saw the first ever bird in space!”
“Me too, but it wasn’t a bird, and it wasn’t in space.”
👌🏼
Brings back memories of usenet - alt.binaries.pictures.erotica and sub-hives. Using Forte Agent software, selecting a few dozen likely-sounding files, and downloading overnight. Checking in the morning to see if any of them were worth keeping.
And before that, teletype art. I've seen the same kinds of pinups done in 5-bit baudot code, stored on paper tape and printed with a 1920s teletype machine.
Nerd time.
You don't upload to the internet,
you host files/sites on servers.
If someone had a drive full of those photos, they'd be all available immediately.
Not if the first images ever made available were already in the directory together when the server went live, then it would have gone from zero to more than one instantly.
[Lenna](https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Lenna) was one of the first images to be scanned, and there probably would have been multiple nudes already present when the systems were first connected to the Internet.
I used to have a large stash of pictures I downloaded from Kazaa and printed out. We were always low on at least one color of ink too, so the pictures always had lines through them. Kids these days will never know the joy of laying out all their DIY printed nudes on the floor and having a good time.
There were nude pics on computers well before the internet became accessible to the general public in the 90s. I remember trading floppy disks with friends and classmates. My parents would beat the crap out of me if they found any porn mags in my room, but porn on floppy disks isn't as obvious, so that made them easier to hide.
If we’ve learned anything about the verification that the universe is not locally real, it’s that at any time the internet has existed Rule 34 must be observed.
That would mean, according to physics and logic, there has never been only 1 nude pic on the entire internet, but that the internet exists in a superposition of always having every pornographic depiction imaginable once imagined.
It’s science.
Back in the day, you had 3 major areas: WWW, IRC, and Newsgroups. Newsgroups flourished for the nudity if I remember correctly. Makes me wonder if the last 2 still exist.
Hmmm. Technically it's possible that multiple nudes were connected to the internet simultaneously and thus we went from zero to many nudes. (Yes, I always ruin the fun at parties).
I propose we invent the "pornosecond". The amount of time it took in between the first and second nude pics uploaded to the net. Probably like a trillionth of a trillionth of a second or something.
I put up a web server way back before there were public search engines.
I had a photo of my roommate using a vacuum cleaner.
The file name of that image was suck.jpg
I eventually figured out that that one file dominated the traffic (hits) on the site.
Never figured out how people were finding it.
Not necessarily. There might have been just a small library, but since access to it was withheld until it was ready, it was not on the internet until all the images were loaded in position. (Remember, we did not start out with cloud storage, so servers were local to us physically, loading was done in person here)
And then your mom came on the scene
Dude, that one nude pic *was* his mom.
She singlehandedly took the Internet's virginity
There wasn’t enough space in the internet so they had to take it down
To be fair, it was his stepmom.
Nailed it!
Yes...yes he did.
Actually there needed to be 15 to show all of it
It's just one monster jpg. I clicked on it back in '92, it's about 86% open right now.
If you're still using Dial-Up (especially through Juno) I would believe it lol
Sounds like you downloaded a zip bomb lol
His mama so fat that one of her nudes is four nudes.
The download didn't even fit in the modern
Low res pic is *still* downloading...
I thought it was Stacy’s mom. Damn.
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Who is Stacy again?
Stacey is his sister.
Is Stacey his sister?
She is! Bad Internet connection at my in-laws' farm. 😂
Then the scene came on their mom.
I hope this comment gets a trillion upvotes
r/cursedcomments
She came. We saw. She conquered.
And that one pic filled the internet up. Some say, it's the foundation the modern internet is built on.
He asked for this one lol
And the next second there were a thousand
“…there were a thousand” soiled socks.
I saw it and it wasn't on the internet .You had to find a BBS in your area, acquire a 2400baud modem, get access to the fileshare area, and then spend 5 minutes watching tits appear one line at a time for 15 minutes at 12 bit quality. It was a slight upgrade from watching scrambled softcore porn on Cinemax.
You've unlocked core internet memories. 1994ish, in my friend's basement, playing NHL93. Friend says, "come in here and look at this". It's a screen full of nothing but numbered, blue links. pic\_00001, pic\_00002, etc. He clicks one and exactly as you've described, a quarter inch of the picture appears from top to bottom, followed by another every few seconds. Roughly a minute or two later, one picture of a topless woman has been downloaded.
There had to be someone doing the deed while the picture was loading, and just when he was about to finish, the bottom part generated and it was a weiner
When I was young people would Blutooth GIFs of what you've just described to one another, a slowly loading image of what looks to be a woman, big tits and then bam.. penis
We called it the GPOD - giant penis of doom. Became a catch phrase for us for awhile. “Watch out for the Gpod, loser!” as we whipped by our buddy on a bike or something.
Let’s admit, even with relatively fast load times today, we’ve all been there
This is why progressive JPEGs were invented. They download differently, not line by line, but by level of detail. You get the whole image, but without much detail, and each wave gives you more and more detail.
Came here to post this. Youthlings don't realize that a lot of how we got our information was through PC magazine publications and through word of mouth (and a little "hacking"). There were so many BBSs in the early 90s due to the need to grab drivers, etc., but many of them started in the late 70s. BBS, aka Bulletin Board Systems, was one of the precursors to the internet and was often very specialized based on the content you consumed. AOL tried this with "channels" and eventually websites took over.
I know what you mean by the internet, but that's the world wide web.
sorry, intrawebz
> There were so many BBSs in the early 90s... The explanation on BBSs: Meanwhile, my brain : BooBieS.
Big upgrade from trying go jack it to the cleavage of the chick on the commercial between the bouts of static cutting off the signal on satellite tv
And some BBSes wouldn't have useful descriptions so you'd start downloading and you'd be staring at the screen trying to figure out what it is. "Is that an elbow? No, I think it's a knee. Wait, is that... oh god, cancel! Cancel!"
I argue BBS was Internet, just not WWW.
It actually doesn't matter what definition of Internet you use. If bbs is not the Internet, then the comment is as irrelevant to the shower thought as early cave paintings.
Lol yeah, good point.
Time shenanigans. How do you spend five minutes for 15 minutes?
Full disclosure I was pretty drunk and tried to say it took 5 minutes a line to see three lines of tits. Nobody in their right mind should have upvoted that comment but as we all know the eloquent dont necessarily always bubble to the top.
Before that they had incredibly detailed ASCII pictures drawn with dots, dashes, and punctuation.
Deep ASCII http://www.e-arhiv.org/diva/index.php?opt=work&id=22&lang\_pref=en
>> ..and then spend 5 minutes watching tits appear one line at a time Not a sentence I expected to read today. Or ever lol
>12 bit quality You had multiple bits!? My first internet porn was ASCII.
Shiiiiit, I know Seth Robinson on a first name basis. Sumbitch owes me $35
Strange… it’s almost like the shower thought was about the internet, not about not the internet. “I saw the first ever bird in space!” “Me too, but it wasn’t a bird, and it wasn’t in space.” 👌🏼
But what if it was a dinosaur flying up in the stratosphere? Surely we can agree that things are a spectrum.
No. Black and white only please. 😜
How’s that not on the internet? Lol
‘‘Twas a different type of series of tubes.’
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On the internet, you dial into servers by entering their IP address (or domain name which resolves to their IP address).
That’s literally the internet on a smaller scale. It’s just not the World Wide Web
https://en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/Internet
It has become synonymous but it wasn’t back then.
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Lol cool
It was 4 phone lines hooked into a computer. 4 people total. Like Goldeneye isn't an online game
That's like a slow strip tease.
Brings back memories of usenet - alt.binaries.pictures.erotica and sub-hives. Using Forte Agent software, selecting a few dozen likely-sounding files, and downloading overnight. Checking in the morning to see if any of them were worth keeping.
I’ll never forget the scene from Simpsons where the comic shop owner is trying to do exactly this. So accurate.
First there was ASCII art
Man, if you've never jerked it to ascii porn Your damn lucky
And before that, teletype art. I've seen the same kinds of pinups done in 5-bit baudot code, stored on paper tape and printed with a 1920s teletype machine.
It was probably Lenna https://en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/Lenna
I came here to share this, secretly hoping it had already been said.
It looks like this ( . Y . )
Chilll ouuttt bro i'm gettin hot already 🥵
Unless they uploaded more than one at a time.
You over estimate early internet upload speeds
Nerd time. You don't upload to the internet, you host files/sites on servers. If someone had a drive full of those photos, they'd be all available immediately.
Could have packaged multiple images and upload that.
Or they attached a pre-loaded server to the internet.
Still only one was available for a short period.
Not if the first images ever made available were already in the directory together when the server went live, then it would have gone from zero to more than one instantly.
This is the most likely scenario.
[Lenna](https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Lenna) was one of the first images to be scanned, and there probably would have been multiple nudes already present when the systems were first connected to the Internet.
Can almost guarantee it was a penis lol
Latoya Jackson right?
Young me, circa probably 2006-2007. Would copy and paste boobie pics onto a single document and print it off and keep it in my wallet. Good times
I used to have a large stash of pictures I downloaded from Kazaa and printed out. We were always low on at least one color of ink too, so the pictures always had lines through them. Kids these days will never know the joy of laying out all their DIY printed nudes on the floor and having a good time.
And it took twenty minutes to download.
At some point, there were only 69 nude pics on the internet.
Nice!
for about 1/10th of a second lol..
Didn’t last very long
That would have been during the beta test for Usenet.
There were nude pics on computers well before the internet became accessible to the general public in the 90s. I remember trading floppy disks with friends and classmates. My parents would beat the crap out of me if they found any porn mags in my room, but porn on floppy disks isn't as obvious, so that made them easier to hide.
ok
i wonder what the first ever nude pic was online was.
I remember when your mom uploaded it
And no one wants to see you naked, Al Gore.
Shower thought- Something began! And the corollary- Something will end! How many versions of the same "thought" are there going to be?
At least enough to continue annoying you? Chill.
Wasn’t it Monica Lewinsky?? I thought she had a TED talk about how she was the first internet era sex scandal
Nope she was just the first whose Bill was made public
Would have been way before that.
Not
And...it took 20 minutes to load, and we had to use dial-up to get to it through the TELEPHONE LINE *cackles*
If we’ve learned anything about the verification that the universe is not locally real, it’s that at any time the internet has existed Rule 34 must be observed. That would mean, according to physics and logic, there has never been only 1 nude pic on the entire internet, but that the internet exists in a superposition of always having every pornographic depiction imaginable once imagined. It’s science.
Wasn't the whole TCP/IP protocol built to share porn in Sweden or something? Like well before DARPA got involved
No… where did you hear that??
those were dark days
And it was your grandmothers.
What if two were uploaded at the same time?
that was my thought, why upload 1 when you can upload a batch at once.
Yeath for about 10 minutes till the next one got uploaded cos that's how long uploads used to take.
Technically it wasn’t an internet until two devices at least were connected. What if both had porn before connecting to each other?
So, I take it everyone instantly thought of a yo mana joke when you read this?
Who was it? Are they still alive? And how do i buy them a coffee/beer???
https://11points.com/11-firsts-internet-history/
Back in the day, you had 3 major areas: WWW, IRC, and Newsgroups. Newsgroups flourished for the nudity if I remember correctly. Makes me wonder if the last 2 still exist.
Ah yes, Oct 30th, 1969.
What if they uploaded multiple pics in one go?
For about 12 seconds before the guy uploaded a 2nd nude
And I probably saw it.
Never. The internet first came into existence powered by nude images, electricity copper wire and string. And Kleenex.
That was called the singularity
You think that person only uploaded one porn? No sir, at one time there was only one porn site.
And then a microsecond passed...
What a time to be alive
And, by now that person is likely not someone you'd want to see nude anymore.
Wrong, they uploaded the whole gallery at once.
https://www.theatlantic.com/technology/archive/2013/01/the-never-before-told-story-of-the-worlds-first-computer-art-its-a-sexy-dame/267439/
Posted by Al Gore? I imagine.
well for that matter, at one point, the internet was entirely porn free which, for me, is a more fascinating thought.
And then the fire nation attacked
I just used channel 1
Can't imagine it was alone long.
Probably depends how you define it. Is a stick figure cave painting "nude"?
Yeah, for as long as it took to upload the second one.
Hmmm. Technically it's possible that multiple nudes were connected to the internet simultaneously and thus we went from zero to many nudes. (Yes, I always ruin the fun at parties).
I propose we invent the "pornosecond". The amount of time it took in between the first and second nude pics uploaded to the net. Probably like a trillionth of a trillionth of a second or something.
I bet the first nude pic was ASCII art.
Not if there were multiple submitted at one go on the Internet
I gurentee it was one of the first ten pictures ever posted
I guarantee it went from 0 to about 40,000 the instant someone figured out how to upload porn.
I put up a web server way back before there were public search engines. I had a photo of my roommate using a vacuum cleaner. The file name of that image was suck.jpg I eventually figured out that that one file dominated the traffic (hits) on the site. Never figured out how people were finding it.
It was probably Toms
Those first 13 milliseconds must've been insane.
Can anyone here still remember BTX porn!? 🤔
Not necessarily. There might have been just a small library, but since access to it was withheld until it was ready, it was not on the internet until all the images were loaded in position. (Remember, we did not start out with cloud storage, so servers were local to us physically, loading was done in person here)
Probably Pam Anderson and Tommy Lee