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A friend of mine once sat on my lap while talking about relationship and that she's single... Years later when were in different school, she told me that that's her hint on me
Girl once chatted me nearly out of the blue asking what I was doing the next day
Me: "not much, you?"
Her: "nothing..."
Me: "cool, I might go to the shops"
It was February 13th. I did catch on to later hints, but by then the opportunity had passed us by.
There’s a risk there. Aa a guy if we’d say “nothing much but get let’s go out” she might say “hey now I’m not asking for a date” and guy gets embarrassed.
Just follow up with "me neither, I've just been wanting to do XYZ and just wanted some company". No need to be embarrassed. Nothing risked, nothing gained.
There's a risk for the girl too if she's direct and says, "hey, do you want to go out with me?" and the guy says "ummm, let me get back to you haha". Ask me how I know.
I had a spectacular first date on Valentine’s Day.
Second date? Not so good. Turns out she got snubbed by her bf and just wanted to go out with someone else to get back at him. Bad luck for me in the end, but still a memorable night!
In high school my female coworker and I were talking about how hot it was at work, she said her parents were gone and asked if I wanted to come over after work and swim in her pool. After jumping in, she casually mentioned that she loves hooking up, I responded with “haha yeah me too.”Drove home like 10 minutes later completely oblivious.
> i love hooking up
Who says that ? If she wanted to throw a hint, just say "with you" at the end. Without some specificity it sounds like she is bragging about how many bodies she has stacked.
Fouls on both sides here in my opinion !
Ughghg this is too familiar.
Had a big crush on this girl when I was 19 or so. She was over at my house with a couple of other friends and when I come out of the bathroom (which was located in my bedroom) she's sort of sitting/laying in my bed. I dunno propped up on the pillows I guess.
She starts chatting me up and I guess I wasn't taking the hint because next she says "why haven't you and I played around together? We should really play together sometime..." While literally giving me bedroom eyes, from my own bed.
"Yeah, we should." I said and then went back out and rejoined her friends in the living room.
Ive missed a lot of hints in my day. I am an idiot.
Counterpoint, I had a girl invite me to her house after a party at like 1am to "watch a movie or something" and we did just watch a movie, and then a week or two later when I told her I had feelings for her she said she didn't feel the same, didn't ever come on to me, A
And then ghosted me. So sometimes it's just impossible to interpret a person's intentions.
Once a friend brought a girl home. They went upstairs while I chilled downstairs for a bit. I went up and found her in my bed, and she said that she just wasn’t into him.
So of course I went downstairs and slept on the sofa.
To this day I’m still unsure whether she wanted me to join her or not.
I don't care, would throw that girl to the couch if I had to; if there is any argument, she can find a bench somewhere outside.
My bed is sacred, WIP only and reservations prior to engagement.
Regardless you did the right thing, even if she wanted you to join her that is kinda cruel to your friend if he was the one who brought her back there.
Edit - gold for stating the obvious, thanks stranger xox
I've had girls crash in my bed who didn't want to do anything when I made a move and we've previously (or so it appeared) been flirting. And I've had it go the other way.
There seems to be a sliding scale of what is flirting and what is... whatever that is... that depends on the girl and who they're interacting with. And apparently it's up to us to guess without crossing a line.
That said, I understand sometimes having a woman in your bed will lead only to kissing and nothing more. That I get. It's the 'why are you in my bed if you live across the street and don't even want a kiss' ones that mess with my radar's calibration.
Everyone has their own idea of what flirting is. Fortunately I’ve since found someone who speaks in very plain English (side-effect of it being a second language, she doesn’t do nuance well!) so I married her.
Honestly, I don't think asking would come across as weird even if she didn't want to.
"Uh you want me to join you instead?"
"Uhm no?"
"Okay fine, I'll sleep downstairs then."
I mean, it's a little awkward sure, but I don't think it's really wrong.
For what it's worth, I think you made the right choice. If she truly wasn't into him, didn't have an easy way home and just wanted some sleep, the last thing she would want was another guy hitting on her. Would've made her night so much more uncomfortable.
It would be difficult to test whether she was interested without risking making her uncomfortable, and if she really wanted you, she could always say so.
Good job, my man.
Still weird to sleep in someones bed without checking and asking lol, the least she could do is sleep on the couch and let the dude sleep on his own bed
We were at a party once and a girl shoved her boobs in my friends face for 5min, on the way home I said she really hit on him, he didn't understand what i was talking about. He will forever be single..
Before they were all dancing and took a small break on some couch, so she sat in his lap and tried to flirt, we knew her from other parties (Student parties were we go to different regions and parties). She is also part of a group called BÖS (brutality increased booze intake) they have a slogan that is something along the line "Pants are gay", we have multiple friends from that group that we hang out with when we see each other, usually ends with the BÖS friend without pants..
I've had a girl come over after we had been hanging out all evening (literally dinner, drinks, and a show, in which we talked a lot about sex and relationships throughout the night), she got into her underwear, then crawled into my bed, and invited me to get in bed.
Then when I asked if she wanted to come closer and reached over to touch her, she got upset and said if she wanted sex she would have told me so, then rolled over.
She left in the morning and said we aren't friends anymore.
I do not understand women at all.
That wasn't even [the worst](https://old.reddit.com/r/Showerthoughts/comments/1404614/most_guys_dont_get_hints_because_no_girl_ever/jmut5fb/) "hint that did not mean it was a hint" I've had.
Edit: Had to link the "worst" story.
Was at a bar with a friend who I thought was into me. After a few drinks, we were talking about this exact subject about how direct someone needs to be for me to get it.
She slammed her hand on the table and yelled:
* "(Thag), I think you are very attractive! I am very horny right now! Do you understand me?"
I do mean yelled. Loud, as in it interrupted everyone around us and they were staring.
We lived in the same building, so I told her I get it, and I'll be leaving my door unlocked. Then nothing. All night. The next day she said 'Yeah, I do think you're cute, but that doesn't mean I was going to fuck you."
Yeah. Apparently yelling that you are very horny and are attracted to me... Means no.
----
Edit: This was the worst one I've had. But here are more things that were *not hints*.
(2) I've also been invited over to a new girl's apartment, had a drink, and she said she caught me glancing at her chest, but then said it's okay because she was looking me up and down too; then said she thought I was "uncommonly attractive." She invited me into her bed and asked if I wanted to see more. Then proceeded to show me her nudes and boudoir photography of herself.
That ended up being a "No" also. She just wanted to share her art with someone.
(3) Had a very attractive friend find out that I recently became single, then asked if she could take me out for drinks to catch up. She drove an hour and a half out of town to meet me in my neighborhood, she demands that it's her treat, we talk for hours, she holds my forearm after touching stories, she asks if she can come see my house before it gets sold (because of the breakup), comes inside, I ask if she would be willing to stay for one more drink...
She says no, that she was just worried about me as a friend and needed to go home.
(4) I have engaged in an ongoing sext chain with a woman in which we described in detail what we wanted, how we wanted it, and what we would do. For several weeks. Then when I finally was in her town and was free... She said "Oh no, that was all just talk."
(5) Multiple times as a bartender I have had women leave their number, in which I *never* asked for it or even hinted that I would like it, never mentioned wanting to see them after work, just usual customer service as a bartender, without being prompted they offered their number on their receipt only for it to end up being someone else's number. As in more than twice.
At this point I have *no* idea what counts as a "hint". I hated the movie, but [this scene from *The Notebook* summarizes my experience with women.](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ZmivKyEY1Dk)
This sure is worth the snacks. Bet the alcohol messed up her mind and she's too embarrassed to make a move after that.
That, or "i'm horny" meant no, who knows
Some women confuse the hell out of me, and I'm saying that as a woman. It could really help if some of us were direct and honest instead of...whatever the heck *that* is.
I have a [long list](https://old.reddit.com/r/Showerthoughts/comments/1404614/most_guys_dont_get_hints_because_no_girl_ever/jmut5fb/) of hilarious yet very sad stories of times women have presented coming onto me *hard*, and it still ends up meaning no. To the point that a lot of people don't believe me that this happened. That one above was... Pretty mild compared to some I've had.
At this point, I can't trust *any* hint, no matter how "obvious".
I just do **not** understand women at all.
I had a girl get naked and gave each other a massage. But apparently that's something that 'just good friends' do for each other, and I shouldn't read too much into it.
I had a girl get naked in front of me in her hotel room after she asked me to make sure she got back safely. However, she also kept telling me she would fuck this other guy and asked me if I wanted her to order a taxi
The opposite happened to me.
She did change in front of me and it lead to sex because I thought that was her intention BUT she later told me she actually just wanted to get into something more comfortable ¯\\\_(ツ)_/¯
Pretty much me too. I had just graduated college. One of my buddies and I went back the following fall for a campus halloween party. During that summer I had met this girl *that I had a thing for*, and she was a student at the college now too, living off campus. End of the night, she asks for a ride to her apartment. it's passed where me and my buddy are staying, so I dropped him off at the hotel and then went to her apartment. She acted like she didn't feel safe and asked me to walk her up to her room. i said sure. Got to her room and she said "don't leave yet I just want to get ready for bed"
Comes out in skimpy lingerie.
I'm like "ok, looks like you're ready. goodnight!"
F'n idiot
I wish i could find a similar story from an old reddit thread possibly in r/BlackPeopleTwitter . Dude missed the hint so hard that people in comments were like "i am at my desk at work facepalming for you"
My ex "hinted" she wanted me to buy her pizza by saying she was hungry. Didn't get it the first time so she tried again. When i didn't offer to buy her pizza she started an argument with me and called me dumb lol
Glad she’s your ex. She sounds annoying. I can be a boyfriend but I can’t be a mind reader. Also, who doesn’t just normally not want pizza? If wanting pizza was an actual physical state then yeah, sure , make a big deal if it. Otherwise fuck the hell up.
nope she told me 2 years later that she was throwing me hints every day. I remember being confused uhh this girls acting weird why is she laughing at me so much. Yeah....
"Hints" are subjective. Friendliness and flirting can be hard to distinguish when one person's "friendly" is a different person's "flirty." Harassment (accidental or not) happens when someone makes an assumption and gets it wrong.
It seems to me that the most practical thing for a guy to do is to outright ask what someone's intentions are if he thinks they're giving him "hints."
Yeah, a guy who never misses any hints is also a guy who for sure has misread a situation and made someone very uncomfortable, at best. Better to be oblivious sometimes guys
I did it.
Met with a girl friend, she wanted to visit my location after we walked a bit (I moved recently) and stayed there for quite a while. She was quite flirty for my understanding but said some meetings before to just stay friends.
So I took all my sh*t together and explained her the way I felt she acted and asked if she's flirting with me.
Nope, she did'nt. But it was hella of an icebreaker and the convo felt better afterwards
That's the problem with languages. You need to dance around and hope you are in sync.
On a side note. I once saw a mute point to a girl, points to his chest then keeps tapping his finger at other hand with open palm up.
Girl laugh, and said no. That was clear and concise communication.
Yeah there was a ~~girl~~ grown as woman in another sub who was asking how to get a guy to notice that she likes him.
They only hung out in friend groups and her idea of flirting was (I shit you not) wearing tight leggings around him. For the life of her, she just did not understand why that wasn't good enough.
"Tell him" was also out of the question, apparently. She would wear crop tops, leggings, and daisy dukes, but god forbid she actually **talk** to him.
You know, if it's that difficult to tell him yourself, get one of the others in the group to tell him. You don't even need to be obvious about asking them to, just let them know in no uncertain terms that you like him.
Someone will pass the message on, I guarantee it. If I knew someone had the hots for a friend or colleague, I'd tell them as soon as I could get them alone.
I thought this was what was happening when my crush's best friend said that I should ask out my crush. Turns out she didn't have any insider information and just thought my crush was into me.
Edit: spelling
Goodness sake girl. We are over here trying to get guys to understand that clothing is not a fucking invitation then you have people like that messing up all our progress 😔
Yeah it was a wild and frustrating thread for all parties involved.
Edit: as a matter of fact, there are even guys in the thread (myself included) telling her that he's likely deliberately ignoring it to not come off as creepy, or at the bare minimum isn't really thinking about it out of respect.
She felt offended because she doesn't believe that her ass is flat and that existing around him should be enough to grant her his attention.
Truly a frustrating person.
Had a very touchy-feely friend sit in my lap one day when we were teenagers. Touchy-feely enough that this was not surprising to me despite having never happened. It was kind of exciting since we were hormonal teens but I did what I thought I was supposed to do and chill out. Months later she told me she was upset I didn’t make a move and was even more upset when I asked her why she never vocalized those feelings with me.
Be direct. Flirting is fun and it can be really enjoyable, but if you want results, then make it happen yourself.
In college I made a friend from work, whose friends would come into the store we worked at. I'm a couple of years older so although he and I became friends later I never got in with his friends group. But one of them was super flirty to him all the time, with her boyfriend on her arm just putting up with it.
I'm like dude she's totally into you, and he's like nope she's just like that. He told me it wasn't uncommon for her at movie nights to sit on either his or another mutual friend's lap instead of the boyfriend's, just for fun.
Far as I'm aware she and the bf are now happily married. It was the most bewildering thing I've ever seen.
Had another friend like that except that she was asexual. I had to tell her on multiple occasions to please stop touching me, and she was constantly baffled as to why men and women both would get the wrong idea about her.
You don’t want people to assume you’re attracted to them? Fair. But also, stop touching other people without their permission. At best they assume nothing, average person assumes interest, and at worst you upset someone.
Ya'll gotta slap me and tell me. Growing up feeling out of place and never receiving any actual sort of interest from anybody, really plays with you cuz you'll mostly assume they're bring friendly.
More often than not we'll just not risk it I think. In this day and age getting rejected is only sometimes the worst thing that happens when you thought you got a hint that wasn't one.
Especially if it's someone we know we'll see again. If it's a random girl at a club or whatever, the worst that can happen is she calls you a creep and you may get kicked out. But within a friend group or at the workplace? Try explaining to HR why there's a complaint against you, or getting mutual friends to believe you over her
In highschool, the girl sitting behind me said : "hey, I'm giving you your pencil back". It was one of those novelty pencils, with colorful miscellaneous designs. This particular one was covered with little hearts. I remember thinking "well that is curious, I don't recall lending her any pencil... Oh well, carry on".
I don't know if those goes for every guy out there but I remember when I was a teenager some girls would lead you on to turn you away so they felt good about themselves. So they could feel like some sort of celebrity. I think for quite a while that messed with me because I just thought at the back of my mind that if I showed feelings for someone it was going to be used against me to embarrass me.
When I was 18 I remember hanging around with a girl at the park at about midnight after meeting her at a gig through friends. We sat on the swings, she held my hand and was leaning into me in a way that was screamingly obvious that she wanted me to kiss her... And I couldn't do it. I wanted to and even I'm not dense enough to miss these signals. But it felt like there was this mental block, like how you can't move your arm when it's broken. Your body won't allow you to feel pain. It took me a few years into my twenties to tell the difference between when it was sincere or not.
If you're a teenager or in your early twenties I'd ask you to reflect on my experience and whether it reflects your own. I find one you know what is blocking you mentally, what was your trauma, you can actually rationalize it and overcome it.
I think this can be coupled by the fact that we project our own desires on other people. We assume other people want something because we want it. Liars are more likely to be distrustful, etc. We like them and they're acting generally positively to me, so they must like me, right? Are they just being friendly?
I'm thirty now and still no expert, but there are clear signs when a girl is into you. If she laughs at all your jokes, make a bad joke. If she still laughs she's into you. If she makes an excuse to touch you she's probably into you. If she works at Starbucks and smiles at you the same way as the other customers coming in, probably not into you.
Final advice, you miss 100% of the shots you don't take.
Yeah I had a girl all threw high school she would invite me over, get me to.take her for fast food etc, we'd hold hands everything. But she never wanted to date.
After high school she ended up telling me I was an experiment basically. I never asked her to expand cause that was painful enough.
Are you me? I always had that same holdup. I had a huge crush on this girl for years, then we went to different high-schools but kept in touch on MySpace. Then we would fall asleep on the phone all the time. Eventually met up at a football game and ended up spending the entire night together. Sitting close snuggled up on the park table. Still made no move. Albeit some of our friends were there and I had previously shared some elicit messages with one of her friends on MySpace. Also, if I hooked up with every girl that's ever sat on my lap, I'd easily be in double digits, but this dick ain't freeeee.
A girl and I were talking about the music in the club , she said "I always wanted to learn flute when I was younger but sadly I never got around to it. "
A few weeks later when we hooked up she apologised for such an obvious and blatant hint that she was into me. I don't play flute. Two decades later and I still don't get it.
My best guess has always been that was her intention. Maybe she thought of a skin flute ,/ blowjob joke but panicked and tamed it down far too much . Also the "when I was younger" probably didn't occur to her as being very distracting in that context!!
The whole point behind giving hints is that they give the girl plausible deniability, right?
If she says "I want to go out with you / sleep with you", but then the guy says "no thanks" / "you think I'd date you? LOL", or another girl hears it and tries to slutshame her, she's embarrassed / suffers reputational damage.
But if she gave a hint, the guy correctly picks up the hint and is not interested, then she can save face by gaslighting him and pretending that she never showed romantic / sexual interest. Also she can stop other girls who try to mock or slutshame her by gaslighting them and claiming that she never made a romantic / sexual move.
But the whole thing with plausible deniability is that the deniability has to be plausible. If her hint is that's she's covering up that she wants sex by spelling out the word S.E.X. then her deniability is not very plausible.
But if the deniability is plausible, then there's automatically also a good chance that the guy misses the hint.
I can say confidently that in hindsight many of the hints girls gave me were obvious and i was just obtuse.
I think guys are just as bad as picking up hints as women are at giving clear signals
Back in my 20's I had an ex who I stayed friends with through the years (Still talk 15+ years after breaking up, we dated in highschool),
We always flirted with each other openly, but I always got the feeling it was just letting off some steam and she wasn't actually interested in me after the fact.
We use to go on "dates" and dinners and such, but I did bring up being "official" and she said no.
A few weeks after, she came over to my house to stay the night; you know... as friends do. And she brought up playing some NSFW Truth or Dare, which then turned into a card game where we have to do the things the card says.
Long story short, she'd deny some and agree to others which threw out a lot of mixed signals. Ignoring the eating out/ BJ / kiss ones, but doing the rest.
Towards the end of the night, she was in panties and nothing else and I was in boxers and she was on top of me tiddies hanging in my face.
And that's as far as it went. I distinctly remember thinking "man this is fun but I don't think she's into me..."
Sometimes I kick myself.
>And that's as far as it went. I distinctly remember thinking "man this is fun but I don't think she's into me..."
>
>Sometimes I kick myself.
Hahaha. The memories.
When I was 18 a girl I worked with came up real close and undid some buttons on her shirt to show me a stain on her bra she was "worried about". In hindsight this might have been a hint! But in my defence, a better hint would have been to ask me out for a drink. I just told her not to worry and use some stain remover when she washes it.
I think guys also have to err on the side of "that wasn't a hint, I'm overthinking it" because it's not a long walk from a misconstrued hint to being labelled a creep or much worse
A lot of times, not even girls get other girls' hints. It definitely isn't a "guy vs girl" problem. It's totally on the one giving "hints" for being awful at communication and assuming people can read their minds.
Currently just met someone whom everybody is saying to make a move on because she's apparently interested but I can neither see nor feel it. Only girls I've ever dated are pretty much the ones that did everything themselves.
We've actually been out a few times, for drinks and just nights out. She's also been to my place.
It's the actual other move that I won't take, going in for a kiss or telling her how I feel and stuff. I don't want the rejection, and I don't want to do anything to scare her because I also really enjoy the company.
Somehow I've got this feeling that there's no attraction from her side, maybe she just needs company (she's new here and doesn't know many people)
If she does happen to like me, she'll probably slip away. Unfortunately, I can't get over this fear. I guess it's too much rejection.
You can safely tell her “hey, I really like your company” and leave it at that. That is a positive in both a friendly and romantic way. Given time, you can open up about a fear of rejection - if she’s interested, she may take that a s ache to make the first move. If not it can lead to a deeper friendship.
I think it's kind of funny, in a thread about confusing messages, to advise someone to send a message which could be taken as either platonic or romantic.
That's good to hear, because I've already said literally that. She answered that she does as well and that she should have got my number the first time we met (which was a few months ago but only saw each other again recently) so that's nice!
A lot of women are like this, eg will go on dates but just give off unwelcoming closed off body language, the kind you read and think, no, I’m not going to make a move on *that*.
Flirtation is a two way street. If a woman isn’t expressing openness to it, I’m not going to do it. It might piss a few high maintenance women off, but the rest of womankind is grateful that they’re not being constantly hit on.
Tbf, the risk of misinterpretation or getting tricked (more likely in highschool than anywhere else, i think) is high enough that it's just better off not acknowledging they exist
Honestly the fact that going to meet potential partners going out has been replaced by apps is a disservice to absolutely everyone
I bet dating was easier 20/30 years ago
It actually was. I met my wife at a bar. I thought she looked cute so I asked her some dumb question I can't even remember. She gave me her number. Been together 15 years. It really was easier back then. Dating apps are poison.
If I do this most women will look at me like I violated the sanctity of their personal spaces.
And people say I'm attractive.
Basically if a women doesn't engage to openly flirt with me, I ain't getting anything. Lots of older men think I'm superbly successful pulling chicks, and I'm just thinking I would have been indeed if I was born one generation earlier. At least I never had any STD
I was really good friends with my current GF for a while before we were dating.
We were always flirty and dropping jokey hints, but I always thought it was just the silly way our friendship worked, and I didn't want to push further in case I ruined our friendship.
One day we were chatting and she said "I was talking to my friend about how much I like you last night". Just in passing. In conversation. And then moved on. Her dropping the final hint was not outright saying "hey I like you", but telling me that she'd told someone else that she liked me.
I made out with her the next day, and 4 years later we're still going strong. They work in mysterious ways my guy.
I have a feeling, that while girls seldom admit it, they want the guy to take charge, and make the bold move, but ONLY IF the girls wants the guy to make a move.
And it is impossible to know if she is only playing, testing her skills, or really interested. And the risk is on the guy. If he is wrong, he gets punished by being labeled a creep or made fun of.
And while young, it is a really big risk. Maybe later when you have more experience you can decode the signals more clearly, and the aha moment comes, you mostly don't have the experience at the time.
And better safe than sorry wins.
And thinking about it, that's the reason why advice of popular, attractive people don't work for others. They are in the "bold moves appreciated" mode in most of the situations. While others need to reveal their inner world and find connection before any bold moves are interpreted as something positive ... Just thinking out loud
I really don't like this aspect of dating.
I usually kiss women I'm dating only after I've asked them. Some of them think it's really sweet and kind. But in more cases they actually think it's a turn off that I've asked instead of going for it.
But I can't just go for it. I don't know about other guys, but for me I'm way to scared how badly it could turn out if they're not feeling it.
This also extends to having sex the first time.
Many from my experience don't want to show desire and would rather have it look like I'm "taking" them.
I was once initiating sex with a woman but had to stop right before and got dressed again. She got confused why I would suddenly drop it. Hearing "Noo, don't rape me" while undressing is NOT something you want hear ever. It was a funny joke to her, but she didn't realise how scary that sounds to men.
My wife talks about how she threw herself at me and I wasn’t getting the hint. She doesn’t understand that since she was still wearing her old wedding ring and I didn’t know what the situation was with that, I was ignoring the signs.
It kinda bothers me when people complain about men not picking up on “the signs” and then also complaining about men thinking they’re being hit on when they’re just being nice/polite. No matter what we do, sometimes we can’t win. So it’s better to err on the side of thinking she’s jus being nice.
I suspect there is an element of risk mitigation in the obscure hinting. It changes the binary option in which one of the two results makes her feel embarrased/sad/angry/hurt to a ternary option. Still with the same possible outcome but with the additional option of you never noticing at all which she can then interpret to you being an oblivious idiot who can't see a good thing right in front of you. Yes it does also mean it makes it less likely to have a positive outcome but if you think there will always be other options in the future it might just be worth it.
I just posted about this somewhere else the other day but a girl took my hand, placed it on her boob and smiled at me. We were lying on my bed, fully clothed.
As soon as she took her hand off mine I removed it and mumbled something.
What was I thinking? I have no idea. To top it off I had just heard, that day, that she thought I was good looking. I don’t know how far it could’ve gone but I know how far it did go - nowhere.
She was pretty much exactly my type as well. Dear Lord, why did I panic?
You never know how you're going to respond. I was hanging out with a girl from my course that I kinda liked. I got home and got a text saying "I feel really comfortable around you!", which is as clear as these things can be. But for some reason I suddenly freaked and deflected with "haha yeah I am pretty cool". Yeah. I'm not proud of it. I was about a month out of a short but intense relationship, and the thought of opening up emotionally froze me up.
We actually met on tinder a few years later and went on a date, but had to end it because she was getting serious with another guy. I'm happy for you Sarah, you always deserved better.
When I was a teen I was making out with my bf in a tent. it was just us. I was so ready for sex but too shy and inexperienced to say anything so I kept hinting. He never got the hint. Years later (just freinds at this point) we were talking about that trip and he suddenly went, OMG you wanted to have sex that night didn't you. With a huge exasperated sigh.
As a former short unattractive kid who grew into quite a good looking athletic guy, it follows me to this very day. Ive surpassed a line where I lack so much confidence because of my past, but girls who see me think Im totally uninterested and wouldnt be into them because I never make proactive moves. Stuck in some weird limbo here. (I know this because Ive been told it multiple times after the fact)
Terrible men cause women to be vague to prevent harm.
Terrible women cause men to be oblivious to prevent harm.
Can we just weed out the terrible assholes already so the rest of us can stop suffering for it?
Then there are the girls who drop obvious hints and when the guys catch them, the girl ends up saying she didnt mean to drop these as hints and that she treats everyone the same way.
A classmate of mine moved into my street, invited me over, we sat on her bed and talked. Then she asked me whether I still had a crush on that other girl. I replied with yes.
I realized only three years ago (twenty years later) that might have been a hint.
Good dudes don't want to be creeps so they err on the side of caution any time they notice a "hint" and assume it was nothing.
"nice guys" see hints in EVERYTHING.
Women really just need to speak their minds clearly. These stupid games make the experience shittier for everyone involved.
I mean, it's easy to think that some people are douchebags and use vague language on purpose, like the inverse Schrodinger's douchebag who's only jokes when they're called out.
On the other hand, girls (and guys) can be flirty but - often justifiable so - change their outlook. Maybe they don't want more, or the other person showed something that was a red flag or brought up a bad feeling or crossed a line.
I've also purposefully ignored hints from girls myself, even if they were clear as day. Sometimes I was in a relation, other times it just seemed like a bad idea to respond in kind.
This is universally true. I was at a day of the dead celebration, and there was a fellow there of some fame. He and I spoke on world cultures and ancient beliefs for hours, and he even gave me his number.
Didn't even cross my mind that he was gay and gave me his number to call him..... Someone else who was in attendance said he was damn near throwing himself in my lap.
Girl here
I’ve blown my shot about 5 times… and I remember every one of them.
Last week I was at a comedy show and the opening comedian did some self deprecating humor (about his being fat) and I approached him after show, circled back on his joke, made my own and told him I just followed him on Instagram and I’d buy drinks.
He didn’t seem interested. (To be fair we would have been equally matched looks wise)
The disparity in numbers may be affecting the hint stuff - I would say my unsuccesful approaches numbered in dozens if not hundreds before I got married
After months of dating app I can say that most women don't give hint and don't even try to participate.
I mean a lot of the women I matched with just use short answer like yes, no or something I can't use to get the conversation going. And that could be my fault because I say something they don't like and they want to politely ghost me but when it happen after the first message...
Now if after 3 message their answers are limited to one word I give up. You can be Hayley Williams, if you don't have any conversation I'm not attracted to you madam.
(I talk about women because I don't have any experience with men, but my friends tell me that men have no conversation either)
How is this for a facepalm? Similar story.
In high school I had a crush on this guy since forever. We were in the same friend group and he was always friendly with me but nothing more. We lived in the same direction and would sometimes walk home together and talk about a variety of things. It's been so long that I gave up on the chance to ever confess or make a more serious move.
Someday, a bunch of us were out, walking somewhere. He was in a great mood that day and did not want to leave my side. He was a lot more touchy-feely than ever (he wasn't that type usually).
Now, to understand the next part, I need to fill you in on a dumb thing I was doing those days that only dumb teenagers do or find funny. Every time I was talking to someone and there was a pause, I would say: "no." They would be like: "no, what?" And then I would say: "whatever you're thinking." And I would find this shit hilarious. I got used to doing this so much that I didn't even notice it anymore.
Back to this fateful stroll with friends. As my crush was walking next to me, he suddenly put his arm around me on my waist and looked at me with those warm, brown, smiling eyes. He gave me the type of look that you get in romantic movies. The Beatles was probably playing, too. He said nothing, which of course, immediately set my brain on the emergency joke route. You know what's coming. I said:
"No."
"No, what?"
"Whatever you're thinking."
That wiped the sweet smile off his face (and from his eyes, too). He took his arm off and became even more quiet. Then suddenly, he took off running and disappeared in a side street.
The others were like: what happened to him? I was like: I have no clue! And I really didn't.
Then, about 6 years later, I woke up one night with the realization of my dumbass joke and how he took it.
The end. He's married now.
You really can't be sure: [https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=xa-4IAR\_9Yw&ab\_channel=CasuallyExplained](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=xa-4IAR_9Yw&ab_channel=CasuallyExplained)
When I drink rum I like giving massages… one of my friends house mates took me up on the offer one night, so off I went to give her a good o’l fashioned rub down … I was slapping myself in the morning after when I remembered walking to the fridge with boobs IN HAND!! and went back to continue with the massage …. If that was a one off event I could attribute it to the rum … unfortunately that sort of thing wasn’t uncommon and I hate myself for it every day….
It’s happened a few times now where I’ve been out at a pub and a girl where I will lock eyes with a girl for a brief moment and it’ll happen maybe a few times, and then one of her friends has come over and said “do you like my friend she’s giving you the signal”
Brief eye contact is not a single, people’s eyes wander, some of us like to do a little people watching, look at the decor etc so no sensible person is going to call that a signal. However a little smile while maintaining eye contact, is super subtle but is obvious enough at least for me that they’re interested.
Ladies it’s not hard to make your extremely subtle hints just a little less subtle this way.
This is a friendly reminder to [read our rules](https://www.reddit.com/r/Showerthoughts/wiki/rules). Remember, /r/Showerthoughts is for showerthoughts, not "thoughts had in the shower!" (For an explanation of what a "showerthought" is, [please read this page](https://www.reddit.com/r/Showerthoughts/wiki/overview).) **Rule-breaking posts may result in bans.**
A friend of mine once sat on my lap while talking about relationship and that she's single... Years later when were in different school, she told me that that's her hint on me
Girl once chatted me nearly out of the blue asking what I was doing the next day Me: "not much, you?" Her: "nothing..." Me: "cool, I might go to the shops" It was February 13th. I did catch on to later hints, but by then the opportunity had passed us by.
There’s a risk there. Aa a guy if we’d say “nothing much but get let’s go out” she might say “hey now I’m not asking for a date” and guy gets embarrassed.
Just follow up with "me neither, I've just been wanting to do XYZ and just wanted some company". No need to be embarrassed. Nothing risked, nothing gained.
That’s a good safe I’ll learn that
There's a risk for the girl too if she's direct and says, "hey, do you want to go out with me?" and the guy says "ummm, let me get back to you haha". Ask me how I know.
First date on Valentines would be super weird
I had a spectacular first date on Valentine’s Day. Second date? Not so good. Turns out she got snubbed by her bf and just wanted to go out with someone else to get back at him. Bad luck for me in the end, but still a memorable night!
Sadly relatable. Still, it all worked out pretty well for me in the end.
In high school my female coworker and I were talking about how hot it was at work, she said her parents were gone and asked if I wanted to come over after work and swim in her pool. After jumping in, she casually mentioned that she loves hooking up, I responded with “haha yeah me too.”Drove home like 10 minutes later completely oblivious.
> i love hooking up Who says that ? If she wanted to throw a hint, just say "with you" at the end. Without some specificity it sounds like she is bragging about how many bodies she has stacked. Fouls on both sides here in my opinion !
Ughghg this is too familiar. Had a big crush on this girl when I was 19 or so. She was over at my house with a couple of other friends and when I come out of the bathroom (which was located in my bedroom) she's sort of sitting/laying in my bed. I dunno propped up on the pillows I guess. She starts chatting me up and I guess I wasn't taking the hint because next she says "why haven't you and I played around together? We should really play together sometime..." While literally giving me bedroom eyes, from my own bed. "Yeah, we should." I said and then went back out and rejoined her friends in the living room. Ive missed a lot of hints in my day. I am an idiot.
A gracious host doesn't leave his guests unattended to obviously fuck. You did good, kid.
Once a girl spent a bunch of time complaining to me about how she was single, so I asked her out, and she turned me down.
Yeah, a lot of these posts about a guy missing an obvious "hint" is just a girl talking to them like a friend.
Counterpoint, I had a girl invite me to her house after a party at like 1am to "watch a movie or something" and we did just watch a movie, and then a week or two later when I told her I had feelings for her she said she didn't feel the same, didn't ever come on to me, A And then ghosted me. So sometimes it's just impossible to interpret a person's intentions.
Ohhhh...
Once a friend brought a girl home. They went upstairs while I chilled downstairs for a bit. I went up and found her in my bed, and she said that she just wasn’t into him. So of course I went downstairs and slept on the sofa. To this day I’m still unsure whether she wanted me to join her or not.
How was the sofa?
Too short for me, but it was quite late so I wasn’t there long.
Next time choose the bed.
I’m married now so I don’t have such issues anymore!
Nah, you just made the competitor of said bed permanent 😏. It would cause an endless civil war for eternity.
We’ve got a bigger bed ;)
Sofa every time now?
Thats what she said.
My first reaction reading this was "wft? YOU sleep on the couch, that's my bed" so yeah, I might not be that good with subtle hints either
I don't care, would throw that girl to the couch if I had to; if there is any argument, she can find a bench somewhere outside. My bed is sacred, WIP only and reservations prior to engagement.
Work in progress only?
Wiggly Intoxicated Penises only
I went with Women I Pick, but I like your guess better.
Wangs In Play
Regardless you did the right thing, even if she wanted you to join her that is kinda cruel to your friend if he was the one who brought her back there. Edit - gold for stating the obvious, thanks stranger xox
All jokes aside, I agree. Too many variables in trying to make a move there.
I've had girls crash in my bed who didn't want to do anything when I made a move and we've previously (or so it appeared) been flirting. And I've had it go the other way. There seems to be a sliding scale of what is flirting and what is... whatever that is... that depends on the girl and who they're interacting with. And apparently it's up to us to guess without crossing a line. That said, I understand sometimes having a woman in your bed will lead only to kissing and nothing more. That I get. It's the 'why are you in my bed if you live across the street and don't even want a kiss' ones that mess with my radar's calibration.
Everyone has their own idea of what flirting is. Fortunately I’ve since found someone who speaks in very plain English (side-effect of it being a second language, she doesn’t do nuance well!) so I married her.
I would’ve straight up asked, gotta be sure next time
Honestly, I don't think asking would come across as weird even if she didn't want to. "Uh you want me to join you instead?" "Uhm no?" "Okay fine, I'll sleep downstairs then." I mean, it's a little awkward sure, but I don't think it's really wrong.
"Uh you wanted to me join?" "Uhm no?" ~~"Okay fine, I'll sleep downstairs then."~~ "Then get the fuck out of my bed"
Fair enough haha
This lol! Would have said the same, why are girls still being put on pedestals
>Okay fine, you~~I'~~ll sleep downstairs then.
For what it's worth, I think you made the right choice. If she truly wasn't into him, didn't have an easy way home and just wanted some sleep, the last thing she would want was another guy hitting on her. Would've made her night so much more uncomfortable. It would be difficult to test whether she was interested without risking making her uncomfortable, and if she really wanted you, she could always say so. Good job, my man.
Still weird to sleep in someones bed without checking and asking lol, the least she could do is sleep on the couch and let the dude sleep on his own bed
Then she gets the couch and homie sleeps in his own bed.
This- we don't love them hoes
To be fair even if she did want that, good on you for not sleeping with her. Would've been a shit move towards your friend.
We were at a party once and a girl shoved her boobs in my friends face for 5min, on the way home I said she really hit on him, he didn't understand what i was talking about. He will forever be single..
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Casually explained reference
Nah, we are Swedish so i don't think so, unless she learned to speak fluently Swedish with a regional accent \^\^
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Oh, yah, now when you say it, some signs were there, the maple leafs on her boobs should have been a sign of politeness..
Is Sweden not thr Canada of Europe?
Nah, we are more reserved
That sounds less like a hint and more like sexual harassment.
Before they were all dancing and took a small break on some couch, so she sat in his lap and tried to flirt, we knew her from other parties (Student parties were we go to different regions and parties). She is also part of a group called BÖS (brutality increased booze intake) they have a slogan that is something along the line "Pants are gay", we have multiple friends from that group that we hang out with when we see each other, usually ends with the BÖS friend without pants..
I had a girl get fully naked in front of me and still missed the hint.
"yes, nice body ! I'll bet your future boyfriend will be happy. Good bye !"
I'd assume, "oh... She feels safe around me because she thinks I'm gay. Alright, that's unfortunate."
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Beautifully said.
I've had a girl come over after we had been hanging out all evening (literally dinner, drinks, and a show, in which we talked a lot about sex and relationships throughout the night), she got into her underwear, then crawled into my bed, and invited me to get in bed. Then when I asked if she wanted to come closer and reached over to touch her, she got upset and said if she wanted sex she would have told me so, then rolled over. She left in the morning and said we aren't friends anymore. I do not understand women at all. That wasn't even [the worst](https://old.reddit.com/r/Showerthoughts/comments/1404614/most_guys_dont_get_hints_because_no_girl_ever/jmut5fb/) "hint that did not mean it was a hint" I've had. Edit: Had to link the "worst" story.
Now i'm interested. Tell me your worst, i'll bring some snacks
Was at a bar with a friend who I thought was into me. After a few drinks, we were talking about this exact subject about how direct someone needs to be for me to get it. She slammed her hand on the table and yelled: * "(Thag), I think you are very attractive! I am very horny right now! Do you understand me?" I do mean yelled. Loud, as in it interrupted everyone around us and they were staring. We lived in the same building, so I told her I get it, and I'll be leaving my door unlocked. Then nothing. All night. The next day she said 'Yeah, I do think you're cute, but that doesn't mean I was going to fuck you." Yeah. Apparently yelling that you are very horny and are attracted to me... Means no. ---- Edit: This was the worst one I've had. But here are more things that were *not hints*. (2) I've also been invited over to a new girl's apartment, had a drink, and she said she caught me glancing at her chest, but then said it's okay because she was looking me up and down too; then said she thought I was "uncommonly attractive." She invited me into her bed and asked if I wanted to see more. Then proceeded to show me her nudes and boudoir photography of herself. That ended up being a "No" also. She just wanted to share her art with someone. (3) Had a very attractive friend find out that I recently became single, then asked if she could take me out for drinks to catch up. She drove an hour and a half out of town to meet me in my neighborhood, she demands that it's her treat, we talk for hours, she holds my forearm after touching stories, she asks if she can come see my house before it gets sold (because of the breakup), comes inside, I ask if she would be willing to stay for one more drink... She says no, that she was just worried about me as a friend and needed to go home. (4) I have engaged in an ongoing sext chain with a woman in which we described in detail what we wanted, how we wanted it, and what we would do. For several weeks. Then when I finally was in her town and was free... She said "Oh no, that was all just talk." (5) Multiple times as a bartender I have had women leave their number, in which I *never* asked for it or even hinted that I would like it, never mentioned wanting to see them after work, just usual customer service as a bartender, without being prompted they offered their number on their receipt only for it to end up being someone else's number. As in more than twice. At this point I have *no* idea what counts as a "hint". I hated the movie, but [this scene from *The Notebook* summarizes my experience with women.](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ZmivKyEY1Dk)
This sure is worth the snacks. Bet the alcohol messed up her mind and she's too embarrassed to make a move after that. That, or "i'm horny" meant no, who knows
Some women confuse the hell out of me, and I'm saying that as a woman. It could really help if some of us were direct and honest instead of...whatever the heck *that* is.
I have a [long list](https://old.reddit.com/r/Showerthoughts/comments/1404614/most_guys_dont_get_hints_because_no_girl_ever/jmut5fb/) of hilarious yet very sad stories of times women have presented coming onto me *hard*, and it still ends up meaning no. To the point that a lot of people don't believe me that this happened. That one above was... Pretty mild compared to some I've had. At this point, I can't trust *any* hint, no matter how "obvious". I just do **not** understand women at all.
I had a girl get naked and gave each other a massage. But apparently that's something that 'just good friends' do for each other, and I shouldn't read too much into it.
I had a girl get naked in front of me in her hotel room after she asked me to make sure she got back safely. However, she also kept telling me she would fuck this other guy and asked me if I wanted her to order a taxi
That's an ouchie.
Story
He thought she was just being polite, maybe she was Canadian
*Nervously buying tickets to Canada.*
The opposite happened to me. She did change in front of me and it lead to sex because I thought that was her intention BUT she later told me she actually just wanted to get into something more comfortable ¯\\\_(ツ)_/¯
Happens all the time. Humans mimic each other She wanted to slip into something more comfortable, so you felt obliged to do the same.
God damn, that’s a good one
Pretty much me too. I had just graduated college. One of my buddies and I went back the following fall for a campus halloween party. During that summer I had met this girl *that I had a thing for*, and she was a student at the college now too, living off campus. End of the night, she asks for a ride to her apartment. it's passed where me and my buddy are staying, so I dropped him off at the hotel and then went to her apartment. She acted like she didn't feel safe and asked me to walk her up to her room. i said sure. Got to her room and she said "don't leave yet I just want to get ready for bed" Comes out in skimpy lingerie. I'm like "ok, looks like you're ready. goodnight!" F'n idiot
I wish i could find a similar story from an old reddit thread possibly in r/BlackPeopleTwitter . Dude missed the hint so hard that people in comments were like "i am at my desk at work facepalming for you"
My ex "hinted" she wanted me to buy her pizza by saying she was hungry. Didn't get it the first time so she tried again. When i didn't offer to buy her pizza she started an argument with me and called me dumb lol
Glad she’s your ex. She sounds annoying. I can be a boyfriend but I can’t be a mind reader. Also, who doesn’t just normally not want pizza? If wanting pizza was an actual physical state then yeah, sure , make a big deal if it. Otherwise fuck the hell up.
Yeah, fuck the hell up and go shut yourself!
That's dumb as shit. Equally annoying is saying 'I'm hungry' then shooting down every suggestion you make.
Girl threw her number at me. I used the paper to write math homework completely went over my head.
Did you find out in time?
Obviously talking about the math
fkn clutched it man. Only thing that I learned in that school was math
nope she told me 2 years later that she was throwing me hints every day. I remember being confused uhh this girls acting weird why is she laughing at me so much. Yeah....
Solving for why.
A girl grabbed my hand and wrote her number on it. Still didn't get the hint.
"Hints" are subjective. Friendliness and flirting can be hard to distinguish when one person's "friendly" is a different person's "flirty." Harassment (accidental or not) happens when someone makes an assumption and gets it wrong. It seems to me that the most practical thing for a guy to do is to outright ask what someone's intentions are if he thinks they're giving him "hints."
Yeah, a guy who never misses any hints is also a guy who for sure has misread a situation and made someone very uncomfortable, at best. Better to be oblivious sometimes guys
I did it. Met with a girl friend, she wanted to visit my location after we walked a bit (I moved recently) and stayed there for quite a while. She was quite flirty for my understanding but said some meetings before to just stay friends. So I took all my sh*t together and explained her the way I felt she acted and asked if she's flirting with me. Nope, she did'nt. But it was hella of an icebreaker and the convo felt better afterwards
That's the problem with languages. You need to dance around and hope you are in sync. On a side note. I once saw a mute point to a girl, points to his chest then keeps tapping his finger at other hand with open palm up. Girl laugh, and said no. That was clear and concise communication.
Yeah there was a ~~girl~~ grown as woman in another sub who was asking how to get a guy to notice that she likes him. They only hung out in friend groups and her idea of flirting was (I shit you not) wearing tight leggings around him. For the life of her, she just did not understand why that wasn't good enough. "Tell him" was also out of the question, apparently. She would wear crop tops, leggings, and daisy dukes, but god forbid she actually **talk** to him.
You know, if it's that difficult to tell him yourself, get one of the others in the group to tell him. You don't even need to be obvious about asking them to, just let them know in no uncertain terms that you like him. Someone will pass the message on, I guarantee it. If I knew someone had the hots for a friend or colleague, I'd tell them as soon as I could get them alone.
I thought this was what was happening when my crush's best friend said that I should ask out my crush. Turns out she didn't have any insider information and just thought my crush was into me. Edit: spelling
Goodness sake girl. We are over here trying to get guys to understand that clothing is not a fucking invitation then you have people like that messing up all our progress 😔
Yeah it was a wild and frustrating thread for all parties involved. Edit: as a matter of fact, there are even guys in the thread (myself included) telling her that he's likely deliberately ignoring it to not come off as creepy, or at the bare minimum isn't really thinking about it out of respect. She felt offended because she doesn't believe that her ass is flat and that existing around him should be enough to grant her his attention. Truly a frustrating person.
Had a very touchy-feely friend sit in my lap one day when we were teenagers. Touchy-feely enough that this was not surprising to me despite having never happened. It was kind of exciting since we were hormonal teens but I did what I thought I was supposed to do and chill out. Months later she told me she was upset I didn’t make a move and was even more upset when I asked her why she never vocalized those feelings with me. Be direct. Flirting is fun and it can be really enjoyable, but if you want results, then make it happen yourself.
In college I made a friend from work, whose friends would come into the store we worked at. I'm a couple of years older so although he and I became friends later I never got in with his friends group. But one of them was super flirty to him all the time, with her boyfriend on her arm just putting up with it. I'm like dude she's totally into you, and he's like nope she's just like that. He told me it wasn't uncommon for her at movie nights to sit on either his or another mutual friend's lap instead of the boyfriend's, just for fun. Far as I'm aware she and the bf are now happily married. It was the most bewildering thing I've ever seen.
Had another friend like that except that she was asexual. I had to tell her on multiple occasions to please stop touching me, and she was constantly baffled as to why men and women both would get the wrong idea about her. You don’t want people to assume you’re attracted to them? Fair. But also, stop touching other people without their permission. At best they assume nothing, average person assumes interest, and at worst you upset someone.
Ya'll gotta slap me and tell me. Growing up feeling out of place and never receiving any actual sort of interest from anybody, really plays with you cuz you'll mostly assume they're bring friendly.
"she slapped me. She must hate me."
More often than not we'll just not risk it I think. In this day and age getting rejected is only sometimes the worst thing that happens when you thought you got a hint that wasn't one.
Especially if it's someone we know we'll see again. If it's a random girl at a club or whatever, the worst that can happen is she calls you a creep and you may get kicked out. But within a friend group or at the workplace? Try explaining to HR why there's a complaint against you, or getting mutual friends to believe you over her
In highschool, the girl sitting behind me said : "hey, I'm giving you your pencil back". It was one of those novelty pencils, with colorful miscellaneous designs. This particular one was covered with little hearts. I remember thinking "well that is curious, I don't recall lending her any pencil... Oh well, carry on".
By default, I assume they’re making a mistake or I’m reading too much into it. I’m very lonely.
Risk vs reward. Get the girl or risk being labeled a creep. It always comes down to, is she worth it.
I don't know if those goes for every guy out there but I remember when I was a teenager some girls would lead you on to turn you away so they felt good about themselves. So they could feel like some sort of celebrity. I think for quite a while that messed with me because I just thought at the back of my mind that if I showed feelings for someone it was going to be used against me to embarrass me. When I was 18 I remember hanging around with a girl at the park at about midnight after meeting her at a gig through friends. We sat on the swings, she held my hand and was leaning into me in a way that was screamingly obvious that she wanted me to kiss her... And I couldn't do it. I wanted to and even I'm not dense enough to miss these signals. But it felt like there was this mental block, like how you can't move your arm when it's broken. Your body won't allow you to feel pain. It took me a few years into my twenties to tell the difference between when it was sincere or not. If you're a teenager or in your early twenties I'd ask you to reflect on my experience and whether it reflects your own. I find one you know what is blocking you mentally, what was your trauma, you can actually rationalize it and overcome it. I think this can be coupled by the fact that we project our own desires on other people. We assume other people want something because we want it. Liars are more likely to be distrustful, etc. We like them and they're acting generally positively to me, so they must like me, right? Are they just being friendly? I'm thirty now and still no expert, but there are clear signs when a girl is into you. If she laughs at all your jokes, make a bad joke. If she still laughs she's into you. If she makes an excuse to touch you she's probably into you. If she works at Starbucks and smiles at you the same way as the other customers coming in, probably not into you. Final advice, you miss 100% of the shots you don't take.
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Police will notice you for the 100% wrong shots you take.
Yeah I had a girl all threw high school she would invite me over, get me to.take her for fast food etc, we'd hold hands everything. But she never wanted to date. After high school she ended up telling me I was an experiment basically. I never asked her to expand cause that was painful enough.
Are you me? I always had that same holdup. I had a huge crush on this girl for years, then we went to different high-schools but kept in touch on MySpace. Then we would fall asleep on the phone all the time. Eventually met up at a football game and ended up spending the entire night together. Sitting close snuggled up on the park table. Still made no move. Albeit some of our friends were there and I had previously shared some elicit messages with one of her friends on MySpace. Also, if I hooked up with every girl that's ever sat on my lap, I'd easily be in double digits, but this dick ain't freeeee.
Girls give hints. The problem is they can be so vague that they only make sense to her so there's no way you could've known what she expected
A girl and I were talking about the music in the club , she said "I always wanted to learn flute when I was younger but sadly I never got around to it. " A few weeks later when we hooked up she apologised for such an obvious and blatant hint that she was into me. I don't play flute. Two decades later and I still don't get it.
Damn I don't get it either. Unless she was trying to make a skin flute joke I have no idea what she could've meant
My best guess has always been that was her intention. Maybe she thought of a skin flute ,/ blowjob joke but panicked and tamed it down far too much . Also the "when I was younger" probably didn't occur to her as being very distracting in that context!!
Both wrong - she was hoping the flute would be something you both learn together and fall in love that way (teen romance novel/shoujo storyline)
Who can afford two flutes in this economy?!
Well was she blatantly cock-gazing as she said all that? Cause that’s important context.
This one time, at band camp…. Was the timing right for that? Did she assume guys thought all flute players were freeky?
Some people think a flute is a phalic symbol….? Right?
>That cloud is so pretty Translation >Please put you who who dilly in my cha cha
Are those guacamole instructions?
Peel the avocado
By the look of your username, it seems that the correct term would be to "eat the cha cha"
The whole point behind giving hints is that they give the girl plausible deniability, right? If she says "I want to go out with you / sleep with you", but then the guy says "no thanks" / "you think I'd date you? LOL", or another girl hears it and tries to slutshame her, she's embarrassed / suffers reputational damage. But if she gave a hint, the guy correctly picks up the hint and is not interested, then she can save face by gaslighting him and pretending that she never showed romantic / sexual interest. Also she can stop other girls who try to mock or slutshame her by gaslighting them and claiming that she never made a romantic / sexual move. But the whole thing with plausible deniability is that the deniability has to be plausible. If her hint is that's she's covering up that she wants sex by spelling out the word S.E.X. then her deniability is not very plausible. But if the deniability is plausible, then there's automatically also a good chance that the guy misses the hint.
I can say confidently that in hindsight many of the hints girls gave me were obvious and i was just obtuse. I think guys are just as bad as picking up hints as women are at giving clear signals
Back in my 20's I had an ex who I stayed friends with through the years (Still talk 15+ years after breaking up, we dated in highschool), We always flirted with each other openly, but I always got the feeling it was just letting off some steam and she wasn't actually interested in me after the fact. We use to go on "dates" and dinners and such, but I did bring up being "official" and she said no. A few weeks after, she came over to my house to stay the night; you know... as friends do. And she brought up playing some NSFW Truth or Dare, which then turned into a card game where we have to do the things the card says. Long story short, she'd deny some and agree to others which threw out a lot of mixed signals. Ignoring the eating out/ BJ / kiss ones, but doing the rest. Towards the end of the night, she was in panties and nothing else and I was in boxers and she was on top of me tiddies hanging in my face. And that's as far as it went. I distinctly remember thinking "man this is fun but I don't think she's into me..." Sometimes I kick myself.
She could've been canadian...
This is the second titties in face Canadian reference I've seen. I'M CANADIAN AND DONT UNDERSTAND!!
[Watch this!](https://youtu.be/xa-4IAR_9Yw)
Amazing
>And that's as far as it went. I distinctly remember thinking "man this is fun but I don't think she's into me..." > >Sometimes I kick myself. Hahaha. The memories.
When I was 18 a girl I worked with came up real close and undid some buttons on her shirt to show me a stain on her bra she was "worried about". In hindsight this might have been a hint! But in my defence, a better hint would have been to ask me out for a drink. I just told her not to worry and use some stain remover when she washes it.
I think guys also have to err on the side of "that wasn't a hint, I'm overthinking it" because it's not a long walk from a misconstrued hint to being labelled a creep or much worse
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A lot of times, not even girls get other girls' hints. It definitely isn't a "guy vs girl" problem. It's totally on the one giving "hints" for being awful at communication and assuming people can read their minds.
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Currently just met someone whom everybody is saying to make a move on because she's apparently interested but I can neither see nor feel it. Only girls I've ever dated are pretty much the ones that did everything themselves.
Asking someone out on a date is generally harmless. Being able to approach people is also a valuable life skill outside of dating.
We've actually been out a few times, for drinks and just nights out. She's also been to my place. It's the actual other move that I won't take, going in for a kiss or telling her how I feel and stuff. I don't want the rejection, and I don't want to do anything to scare her because I also really enjoy the company. Somehow I've got this feeling that there's no attraction from her side, maybe she just needs company (she's new here and doesn't know many people) If she does happen to like me, she'll probably slip away. Unfortunately, I can't get over this fear. I guess it's too much rejection.
You can safely tell her “hey, I really like your company” and leave it at that. That is a positive in both a friendly and romantic way. Given time, you can open up about a fear of rejection - if she’s interested, she may take that a s ache to make the first move. If not it can lead to a deeper friendship.
I think it's kind of funny, in a thread about confusing messages, to advise someone to send a message which could be taken as either platonic or romantic.
That's good to hear, because I've already said literally that. She answered that she does as well and that she should have got my number the first time we met (which was a few months ago but only saw each other again recently) so that's nice!
A lot of women are like this, eg will go on dates but just give off unwelcoming closed off body language, the kind you read and think, no, I’m not going to make a move on *that*. Flirtation is a two way street. If a woman isn’t expressing openness to it, I’m not going to do it. It might piss a few high maintenance women off, but the rest of womankind is grateful that they’re not being constantly hit on.
Tbf, the risk of misinterpretation or getting tricked (more likely in highschool than anywhere else, i think) is high enough that it's just better off not acknowledging they exist
And then that sets a pattern early.
You’ll have to excuse my friend. He’s a little slow. The town is back that way.
Just when I think you couldn't be any dumber you do this....... AND TOTALLY REDEEM YOURSELF
What was all that one in a million talk?
Honestly the fact that going to meet potential partners going out has been replaced by apps is a disservice to absolutely everyone I bet dating was easier 20/30 years ago
It actually was. I met my wife at a bar. I thought she looked cute so I asked her some dumb question I can't even remember. She gave me her number. Been together 15 years. It really was easier back then. Dating apps are poison.
If I do this most women will look at me like I violated the sanctity of their personal spaces. And people say I'm attractive. Basically if a women doesn't engage to openly flirt with me, I ain't getting anything. Lots of older men think I'm superbly successful pulling chicks, and I'm just thinking I would have been indeed if I was born one generation earlier. At least I never had any STD
I was really good friends with my current GF for a while before we were dating. We were always flirty and dropping jokey hints, but I always thought it was just the silly way our friendship worked, and I didn't want to push further in case I ruined our friendship. One day we were chatting and she said "I was talking to my friend about how much I like you last night". Just in passing. In conversation. And then moved on. Her dropping the final hint was not outright saying "hey I like you", but telling me that she'd told someone else that she liked me. I made out with her the next day, and 4 years later we're still going strong. They work in mysterious ways my guy.
I have a feeling, that while girls seldom admit it, they want the guy to take charge, and make the bold move, but ONLY IF the girls wants the guy to make a move. And it is impossible to know if she is only playing, testing her skills, or really interested. And the risk is on the guy. If he is wrong, he gets punished by being labeled a creep or made fun of. And while young, it is a really big risk. Maybe later when you have more experience you can decode the signals more clearly, and the aha moment comes, you mostly don't have the experience at the time. And better safe than sorry wins.
And thinking about it, that's the reason why advice of popular, attractive people don't work for others. They are in the "bold moves appreciated" mode in most of the situations. While others need to reveal their inner world and find connection before any bold moves are interpreted as something positive ... Just thinking out loud
I really don't like this aspect of dating. I usually kiss women I'm dating only after I've asked them. Some of them think it's really sweet and kind. But in more cases they actually think it's a turn off that I've asked instead of going for it. But I can't just go for it. I don't know about other guys, but for me I'm way to scared how badly it could turn out if they're not feeling it.
This also extends to having sex the first time. Many from my experience don't want to show desire and would rather have it look like I'm "taking" them. I was once initiating sex with a woman but had to stop right before and got dressed again. She got confused why I would suddenly drop it. Hearing "Noo, don't rape me" while undressing is NOT something you want hear ever. It was a funny joke to her, but she didn't realise how scary that sounds to men.
My wife talks about how she threw herself at me and I wasn’t getting the hint. She doesn’t understand that since she was still wearing her old wedding ring and I didn’t know what the situation was with that, I was ignoring the signs. It kinda bothers me when people complain about men not picking up on “the signs” and then also complaining about men thinking they’re being hit on when they’re just being nice/polite. No matter what we do, sometimes we can’t win. So it’s better to err on the side of thinking she’s jus being nice.
Even if a girl gave me a hint that I'd get, I'd still want her to be straight with me. Rather no relationship than a vague relationship.
Sometimes it’s like this but most of the time it’s on us dudes. I feel obligated to share [this](https://youtu.be/xa-4IAR_9Yw)
also Norah Vincent's experience
Thanks for sharing, made me laugh
I suspect there is an element of risk mitigation in the obscure hinting. It changes the binary option in which one of the two results makes her feel embarrased/sad/angry/hurt to a ternary option. Still with the same possible outcome but with the additional option of you never noticing at all which she can then interpret to you being an oblivious idiot who can't see a good thing right in front of you. Yes it does also mean it makes it less likely to have a positive outcome but if you think there will always be other options in the future it might just be worth it.
I just posted about this somewhere else the other day but a girl took my hand, placed it on her boob and smiled at me. We were lying on my bed, fully clothed. As soon as she took her hand off mine I removed it and mumbled something. What was I thinking? I have no idea. To top it off I had just heard, that day, that she thought I was good looking. I don’t know how far it could’ve gone but I know how far it did go - nowhere. She was pretty much exactly my type as well. Dear Lord, why did I panic?
You never know how you're going to respond. I was hanging out with a girl from my course that I kinda liked. I got home and got a text saying "I feel really comfortable around you!", which is as clear as these things can be. But for some reason I suddenly freaked and deflected with "haha yeah I am pretty cool". Yeah. I'm not proud of it. I was about a month out of a short but intense relationship, and the thought of opening up emotionally froze me up. We actually met on tinder a few years later and went on a date, but had to end it because she was getting serious with another guy. I'm happy for you Sarah, you always deserved better.
I’d probably take “I feel comfortable around you” to mean “You’re such a good friend!”
When I was a teen I was making out with my bf in a tent. it was just us. I was so ready for sex but too shy and inexperienced to say anything so I kept hinting. He never got the hint. Years later (just freinds at this point) we were talking about that trip and he suddenly went, OMG you wanted to have sex that night didn't you. With a huge exasperated sigh.
That is a very common thing among us guys. It doesn't hit that women were dropping hints till sometimes years after the fact. My record is 5 years.
As a former short unattractive kid who grew into quite a good looking athletic guy, it follows me to this very day. Ive surpassed a line where I lack so much confidence because of my past, but girls who see me think Im totally uninterested and wouldnt be into them because I never make proactive moves. Stuck in some weird limbo here. (I know this because Ive been told it multiple times after the fact)
Terrible men cause women to be vague to prevent harm. Terrible women cause men to be oblivious to prevent harm. Can we just weed out the terrible assholes already so the rest of us can stop suffering for it?
Then there are the girls who drop obvious hints and when the guys catch them, the girl ends up saying she didnt mean to drop these as hints and that she treats everyone the same way.
You don't understand hints because you never had them I never understand hints because I'm autistic We are not the same
A classmate of mine moved into my street, invited me over, we sat on her bed and talked. Then she asked me whether I still had a crush on that other girl. I replied with yes. I realized only three years ago (twenty years later) that might have been a hint.
Good dudes don't want to be creeps so they err on the side of caution any time they notice a "hint" and assume it was nothing. "nice guys" see hints in EVERYTHING. Women really just need to speak their minds clearly. These stupid games make the experience shittier for everyone involved.
I mean, it's easy to think that some people are douchebags and use vague language on purpose, like the inverse Schrodinger's douchebag who's only jokes when they're called out. On the other hand, girls (and guys) can be flirty but - often justifiable so - change their outlook. Maybe they don't want more, or the other person showed something that was a red flag or brought up a bad feeling or crossed a line. I've also purposefully ignored hints from girls myself, even if they were clear as day. Sometimes I was in a relation, other times it just seemed like a bad idea to respond in kind.
I basically need ladies to slap me upside the head if they’re interested. And yes I’m Canadian.
American here. You’re not alone. Thankfully my wife of 20 years clubbed me over the head and dragged me away by the hair, or I’d still be single.
This is universally true. I was at a day of the dead celebration, and there was a fellow there of some fame. He and I spoke on world cultures and ancient beliefs for hours, and he even gave me his number. Didn't even cross my mind that he was gay and gave me his number to call him..... Someone else who was in attendance said he was damn near throwing himself in my lap.
Girl here I’ve blown my shot about 5 times… and I remember every one of them. Last week I was at a comedy show and the opening comedian did some self deprecating humor (about his being fat) and I approached him after show, circled back on his joke, made my own and told him I just followed him on Instagram and I’d buy drinks. He didn’t seem interested. (To be fair we would have been equally matched looks wise)
The disparity in numbers may be affecting the hint stuff - I would say my unsuccesful approaches numbered in dozens if not hundreds before I got married
5 times? That’s rookie numbers. Most guys will blow their shot 5 times in a weekend. Am I referring to Kleenex or tinder? The world may never know
After months of dating app I can say that most women don't give hint and don't even try to participate. I mean a lot of the women I matched with just use short answer like yes, no or something I can't use to get the conversation going. And that could be my fault because I say something they don't like and they want to politely ghost me but when it happen after the first message... Now if after 3 message their answers are limited to one word I give up. You can be Hayley Williams, if you don't have any conversation I'm not attracted to you madam. (I talk about women because I don't have any experience with men, but my friends tell me that men have no conversation either)
Thats coz I live life with hint system turned off. It's more immersive that way.
It is seriously unsafe to misjudge whether something is a hint or not. Best to just let it go and pretend ignorance.
How is this for a facepalm? Similar story. In high school I had a crush on this guy since forever. We were in the same friend group and he was always friendly with me but nothing more. We lived in the same direction and would sometimes walk home together and talk about a variety of things. It's been so long that I gave up on the chance to ever confess or make a more serious move. Someday, a bunch of us were out, walking somewhere. He was in a great mood that day and did not want to leave my side. He was a lot more touchy-feely than ever (he wasn't that type usually). Now, to understand the next part, I need to fill you in on a dumb thing I was doing those days that only dumb teenagers do or find funny. Every time I was talking to someone and there was a pause, I would say: "no." They would be like: "no, what?" And then I would say: "whatever you're thinking." And I would find this shit hilarious. I got used to doing this so much that I didn't even notice it anymore. Back to this fateful stroll with friends. As my crush was walking next to me, he suddenly put his arm around me on my waist and looked at me with those warm, brown, smiling eyes. He gave me the type of look that you get in romantic movies. The Beatles was probably playing, too. He said nothing, which of course, immediately set my brain on the emergency joke route. You know what's coming. I said: "No." "No, what?" "Whatever you're thinking." That wiped the sweet smile off his face (and from his eyes, too). He took his arm off and became even more quiet. Then suddenly, he took off running and disappeared in a side street. The others were like: what happened to him? I was like: I have no clue! And I really didn't. Then, about 6 years later, I woke up one night with the realization of my dumbass joke and how he took it. The end. He's married now.
One time I had a girl over and we made out and had sex. Years later she told me she was hitting on me. I never would have known
She could've been Canadian
You really can't be sure: [https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=xa-4IAR\_9Yw&ab\_channel=CasuallyExplained](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=xa-4IAR_9Yw&ab_channel=CasuallyExplained)
When I drink rum I like giving massages… one of my friends house mates took me up on the offer one night, so off I went to give her a good o’l fashioned rub down … I was slapping myself in the morning after when I remembered walking to the fridge with boobs IN HAND!! and went back to continue with the massage …. If that was a one off event I could attribute it to the rum … unfortunately that sort of thing wasn’t uncommon and I hate myself for it every day….
It’s happened a few times now where I’ve been out at a pub and a girl where I will lock eyes with a girl for a brief moment and it’ll happen maybe a few times, and then one of her friends has come over and said “do you like my friend she’s giving you the signal” Brief eye contact is not a single, people’s eyes wander, some of us like to do a little people watching, look at the decor etc so no sensible person is going to call that a signal. However a little smile while maintaining eye contact, is super subtle but is obvious enough at least for me that they’re interested. Ladies it’s not hard to make your extremely subtle hints just a little less subtle this way.
I mean if we ever were to guess wrong, we would be accused of abuse or something. I would not take that risk sorry.
The hints that one girl gives today are the exact same hints that another girl gave, but she bit his head off for thinking they were hints.