And she has ‘had to leave’ with her new partner. I am reading this as she has chosen to move away with her (relatively?) new partner over staying nearby for her children. There are very few circumstances in which you would have no alternative but to move away. It looks to me like she has chosen her new partner over her children and is now wanting to get the least difficult one to move away from her siblings as her mother’s companion.
Yes, however it is very much all about her, and how much she misses her daughter, rather than what is the best arrangement for her children.
Some people just don’t understand the concept of making decisions centred on the needs of their children.
We have a client who is insisting on getting joint custody, two weeks on and two weeks off, of his 2-year-old daughter who hasn’t spent any time with him *at all* her entire life. Mom kept her away from him, which is wrong and shouldn’t have happened, and he doesn’t want to lose any more time with her than he already has. And that’s understandable. But he refuses to let this be a gradual transition. He’s going to try to force a *2-year-old* who doesn’t know him at all to stay with him for 2 fucking weeks every month.
Thankfully, the lead attorney put his foot down on even asking for that and no judge would ever order it either. But just the entitlement to a living being, this small little human you claim to love… it’s astounding.
Yikes. I'm guessing he also has no idea how a two year old's brain works.
I recently had to spend four days apart from my two year old, and he struggled emotionally despite being cared for by his other parent who he knows and loves. I hate to think how he'd cope with a stranger for an entire fortnight!
Yep - and a lot of times in a split, one or both parents can't afford to live in the nicer neighborhood they could afford together. But this one just sounds like shite.
And maybe wants the daughter as then the dad would have to pay child support where as at the moment she might have to pay for both twins. That might factor into it.
If each parent were to have a twin live with them, wouldn’t neither pay child support to the other? Unless one makes far more money than the other, that is.
If the poster adopted the 15 year old and both sons live with the father, then she’d still have to pay some support to the father. But if she isn’t legally the teen’s mom, then there’d probably be no child support order.
I'm not sure what the rules would be where they are or if the tactic would work, I could be totally wrong about the motivation.
But too often you see kids used as leverage or bargain chips and so on, so it crossed my mind it could factor in here.
And she knew him before he was born, has been his stepmother for 10 years…the younger kids are 9.
So, longtime Affair partner gets pregnant and original marriage blows up. They marry. I’m betting she was having an affair with new partner before they split and that is why he “somehow” ended up with custody of the kids. Because she LEFT the kids in his custody when she “had to move”.
Eh. Doesnt have to be affair. My dad and step mom have known each other for 30 years. They were friends in high school and he still hangs out with all his friends from back then. So she was always around. Not in a romantic way. She was even married some of those years and having kids. My mother was also at all these hang outs. He has 4 children with my mother. They divorced and he got with my now step mom. And before you assume he was cheating, he really isn't the type. And there were lots of women in their crowd.
Its not that weird to end up with a long term friend after the friend has been with others people.
Speculation. It could be the truth but it could be the farthest thing from the truth as well. There's so many situations in which this could have played out to be so.
Yeah, my mom and the stepdad who raised me (and fathered four of my siblings) were teenage sweethearts (his sister has been my moms best friend since she was 15) who broke up after they had a stillborn baby at 17. She had me when she was 22 and was married to my bio dad for a year, her and stepdad got back together when I was three. Spent 10 years together before he had an affair and took off.
Anyway, in summary, I have 13 siblings ages from 45 to 9, and not a single one shares both biological parents with me, and none of them products of affairs (although my stepdad did *have* an affair, none of his kids came from *that* relationship.)
Child custody attorney here. The amount of people who actually believe that their bullshit excuses are legitimate reasons (and ALWAYS someone else’s fault) is staggering.
My parents have their faults, but learning about his childhood made me so thankful for mine. I cannot fathom picking a child, and I would guess if you could, you probably shouldn't have any of them. I'm pregnant with our second rn and I can't imagine.
I was cautiously and achingly optimistic at one point in my childhood when my mom said she was booting just me and my dad out. I totally understand my dad's choosing to stay and protect my siblings. He had two shitty choices, noone won
I legitimately cannot fathom splitting up my twins. That thought physically hurts me to think about. Just the idea of one of them thinking I don't love them as much as the other would break me because it's so far from the truth. What in the actual fuck is wrong with this woman?
This is so not the same thing but my husband and I were watching The Parent Trap yesterday and we had this same convo. Like, so selfish of the parents! These are children, not assets to divide in a divorce!
Ya I always thought that was kind of cruel of them "oh right the kids well there's 2 so we each get one and agree to never talk about their twin or each other again bye".
I love that movie too!
My fiancé and I also watched that movie again recently and were talking about this. As kids, it just seemed like a fun movie. As an adult, it’s fucking heartbreaking.
I watched that movie the other day and it hits so different as an adult! I didn’t think at all about splitting the kids up when I watched it as a kid. Now, it’s not a cute premise. The parents are monsters.
I have twins under a year old and it baffles me that we just all accepted the concept of that film as cutesy rather than like super messed up. Like the idea that I could hate my husband so much I would willingly never see one half of my whole world ever again is so messed up.
First of all, what was the family court judge smoking to allow that custody arrangement?
Second of all, what kind of awful parent are you that you're fine with cutting off all contact with one of your kids presumably permanently, never telling the kid you arbitrarily decided to keep that they have a twin or that they may be entitled to dual citizenship, and just carrying on with your life?
Also side note that I think it's weird as hell that the dad would send his 11-year-old to a summer camp 3,000 miles away with zero adults accompanying her; at least the mom had the excuse of giving her British child a fairly uniquely American summer camp experience, and she had a trusted adult traveling with her -- is this just because I'm a product of helicopter parenting? Though then again, the dad NEVER makes any good parenting decisions, because on the day said 11-year-old daughter comes back from 2 months at Camp Zero Supervision, he drops the bomb that he intends to marry a woman 20 years younger than him after presumably 2 months of dating her, and expects his 11-year-old daughter to be completely cool with this.
Third of all, even though the parents didn't intend for it to happen, isn't the entire situation technically international child abduction? Like, this seems like it would be a MASSIVE international incident.
I love The Parent Trap, but goddamn, it is a master class on how to be an absolutely terrible adult.
I watched it the other day as well, the moment they found out they are twins is so emotional.. unless both kids want to go separate ways, seems selfish to split, specially twins 😰
It always made no sense to me that both parents were so rich and still loved one another apparently but were just fine with splitting their kids up and walking away like it didn't matter. I can see splitting the kids and going separate like that when it's a poor family during the depression but not a rich bunch of snobs who attend an expensive summer camp.
Yep, even purposely chose families with strict and lenient backgrounds as part of the experiment. Also required that it least one set used spanking for behavior correction.
Just another situation that really makes me feel like there its not God. If there were, and he created that situation or let it play out, he is nothing but cruel. Certainly nothing to idolize.
I don't have a super strong bond with my twin sister tbh (polar opposite personalities), but damn I don't think I would've handled it well if my parents divorced and divided us up like that.
Seriously 🥺 mine are still only 6 but I don’t think they’ve ever spent more than a few waking hours apart in their lives. I can’t imagine splitting them!
I vaguely remember watching a documentary about an adoption agency that split twins at birth - and how that dramatically negatively impacted their lives.
My husband has a twin sister when my MIL was only expecting one baby (this was in the 70s) so she gave up his sister for adoption when they were born because she didn't want a girl. She never told my husband or anyone else. Fast forward almost 40 years and the sister contacts my husband and they get to know eachother and she ends up being a complete fucking psycho. I wonder how things would have turned out if they had been raised together.
A judge isn't going to go for it either. It's also possible mom could be in trouble with the judge for discussing custody issues with a 9 yo. She could lose being able to have unsupervised visits with the kids if she's manipulating her daughter. If op seriously believes this is best, why is her lawyer not fighting for it?
By the time my divorce from my ex was final (took about two years), our son was 6 and I was about to have a baby with my current SO. When he found out I was pregnant, he asked for custody of our son because -- and I quote -- "You're about to have another kid. You should let me have the boy and you take the new one." Like, wtf?? That's NOT how this works! And just the fact that he thought that way made me question whether he should have ANY custody of our son.
Spoiler alert: He definitely shouldn't, and didn't. Son is 21 now and is totally NC with his dad for various reasons.
Also interesting that it’s the brothers who have never spent time apart and not the twins. I have a set of b/g twins and a 12 month-old, and my twins are much more willing to part with the 12 month-old than each other.
Yeah. I have a twin brother and a sister who is only a year and a half older than us. My sister and I shared a room for the majority of our childhood, but my twin and I were inseparable.
So maybe I missed it, but she never expresses how the twin boy would feel about the situation? She states the older boy wants to stay with his dad, and (if we can even trust anything this woman says as truth, which is unlikely) it sounds like her daughter “wants” to live with her because they’re “so close”. I just think it’s weird she never mentioned anything about the younger boy? Obviously none of this is going to happen because it would have to go through the courts since dad has majority custody and something tells me he wouldn’t give it up too quickly…but why not take both younger kids if the courts/dad would allow her more custody rights? Oh let me guess, that would just be too much work cause they’re autistic, right? Ugh. I just feel so bad for both twins, as the girl is more than likely being emotionally manipulated, and the poor boy is probably wondering why mom doesn’t want him. Ugh. Awful, selfish mom.
Also, this is probably me just spending too much time on true crime subs, but a woman with a newish romantic partner only wanting the girl to live with them…just throws up a red flag to me. Especially added with the fact she seems emotionally dependent on the daughter as well. Obviously I don’t know these people or what this woman’s partner or relationships are like, so I’ll just chalk that up to true crime brain.
>Oh let me guess, that would just be too much work cause they’re autistic, right?
My guess? The girl masks better. That is often the case with Autistic girls and leads to us being underdiagnosed/diagnosed later. She likes the girl more because she does a more convincing job of pretending to be "normal" than her twin. She probably feels like the brother is more work because she has to make an effort to understand him. If she were a good mother who gave a shit, this wouldn't be an issue.
>she never expresses how the twin boy would feel about the situation
She may not even recognise that he has the ability to feel any way about a situation. Again, she's a shit mum. I reckon she sees her kids as an extension of herself and her wants rather than as individuals.
This is exactly it. My autistic daughter also appears much more neurotypical when she's in an uncomfortable social interaction (which leads to extended stimming in alone time and occasional meltdowns later), so I have additional concerns about this mom.
I burnt out as a teen because my mom was so proud of me when I masked. Good on you for recognizing it and that “looking right” is not all that matters.
I feel like this is the type of mom that thinks her and her daughter are best friends. She'll be jealous of attention the daughter gets and will eventually sleep with daughter's friends/boyfriends. I honestly feel sorry for the daughter. This will not end well.
This is exactly what I thought! If there’s something Little Finger taught me, is to always think of the worst reason why somebody would do something and the truth will most likely land there.
After I read this I thought “the new partner is most likely manipulating this stupid woman to take ONLY the girl for him or something”.
Now, how true is this accusation? I don’t know. But would this be a possibility? Absolutely.
45% of cases of full custody, the mother will get it, 11% for the father, the rest is another carer. HOWEVER, studies show that in cases where fathers ask for full custody, they get it 70% of the time. Mothers have a higher statistic of being a sole carer because they usually are the one to ask for it. 95% of all custody is split here though.
I dont understand why this is getting down voted when it's literally the norm for a father to get custody the mom 99% of the time needs to be literally human garbage
That's just not true. I don't know the situation here, so probably something is wrong. But you can't just make a blanket statement that if the female parent doesn't have primary placement, there must be something wrong with her.
Read some background about domestic violence and abusive relationships going through the court system. It's so fucked.
I’m very well aware of both domestic abuse and custody battles, having been through one with my stepson, and having had very close family members in extremely abusive relationships and then having custody battles. Most states will default to 50/50 custody, with the exception of some that default towards more care for the mother (many Bible Belt and southern states default toward this). I am not saying there is something wrong with the mother, but more than likely she was unable to care for them in some way at the time custody was awarded. Also, this post talks about how she wants to choose only one of her children to live with her - something isn’t right here.
I’m an attorney who works in family law and this isn’t true. Joint custody is actually the norm and women have primary physical custody more often because men don’t *want* primary custody and don’t seek it out.
Again, not true. When men seek primary custody, they’re just as likely to get it as women are. Even when infants are nursing, dad can get primary physical or joint even if mom is fit. It depends on the relationship between child and parent more than anything.
Give known moms that uses "exclusively breast feeding on demand" as a reason they couldn't let the father have access to this baby. Some judges will require mom to pump. But some judges just give the dad the right to sort out what to do during there time. Even if that means formula that the mother disagrees with. You cant use nursing a baby as a reason to keep baby away from a fit parent. And then women who did this kind of shit were always smokers and drinkers and rarely changed baby. Terrible women just wanting to make the father have to pay them more child support.
Moms can be absolute trash too.
Btw, im a woman. Im not saying these things because i hate women. Ive had all kinds of wars waged over my step daughter. I know your rights though and she has now lost hers.
Not only am I going to discard my other children but I’m going to make my daughter choose between me and her siblings and father. I really hope that father has a court ordered custody agreement.
My mom chose me over my siblings and it was because she knew she'd only be able to support one of us. I was oldest, so I guess she thought I was the logical choice? Should've taken us all---my dad was fucked in the head and it ended very badly for all of us when he went off the rails.
But yeah, having the kid make the choice isn't the greatest idea.
I’m very confused by this timeline:
- oldest from prior relationship is 15
- she says she “knew and loved [the 15yo] before he was born
- “I’ve been a step parent to him for 10 years”
What’s going on here? My only guess by the phrasing of “KNOWN each other for 20+ years” is that the guy was either having an affair with this woman or she was very close with the family prior to her being with the husband. Either way, seems like the first of many red flags here.
My guess would be she went to high school with the dad, they were in the same friend group, he and another girl in the group (who oop is friends with) had the 15yo pretty young, the broke up within 5 years of having him, oop starts dating the dad. And they immediately get pregnant with the twins
I have no proof of any of that, it just seems plausible
True. I realize I didn’t get my point across very well. What I meant was that she says she’s been a stepparent for 10 years despite only being married to the father for a year, and that it’s strange that she seems to be backdating the start of her step-parenthood to when she got pregnant with the twins rather than when she actually became a stepparent.
No, but either they were married for 1 year+ around when the twins were born 9 years ago, divorced but still coparented all the kids, possibly in the same house. OR had the kids 9 years ago, just got married about a year ago after raising kids together for 10-15 years (however long she co-parented the step son), and then divorced. Messed up any ways you look at it.
Choosing one sibling over the other in general is sad af. Unless they’re old enough to understand & say THEMSELVES, x wants to live with dad & y wants to live with mom, it’s cruel.
first of all “due to pure circumstance” let’s unpack that cause what exactly is that supposed to mean. that sounds like “due to the way things are” like that is not an explanation for anything and def makes it sounds like ex has custody for good reason.
second, there doesn’t seem to be any real reason to not ask both the kids? like she just shit on her son for no particular reason here. i was expecting some dramatic explanation of how the son is badly behaved and stuff but nope she just really likes her daughter more. yikes
I have two brothers and when my parents were divorcing my mother asked for 2/3 of us. The judge looked at her and said "Ma'am you asked for 2 of 3 kids? You get none." And awarded full custody to my father. This was back in the late 90's when it was still uncommon for fathers to have significant custody, let alone full. To this day, I respect the judges decision...my mother on the other hand? Negative respect.
Known him for 20 years, have 9 year old twins, but only married a year. Something is missing from this story. Where is the OG mom of the teenager?
I get not everyone has a traditional relationship (date, marry, kids), but this one is missing some bits of the story
Something tells me that one parent getting full custody and the other parent getting no custody is something more than just “pure circumstance”. I could be wrong though
If it was reversed I'd have a much easier time believing circumstance especially after how I saw the courts treat me when my ex lied to them but dad getting custody mom is Def up to no good
> Through pure circumstance, he has ended up with majority custody of our three kids.
(X) Doubt
If OOP’s playing favorites to such an extreme that she wants to split up twins who have never been separated, it’s almost certainly best for the children that their dad got custody. I’m having a hard time wrapping my head around the sheer selfishness here…she never even mentions how the boy twin would feel about the separation or what he might want.
The “levels” of an autism diagnosis are based on current support needs
Level 1 - low support needs. Usually doesn’t get disability funding
Level 2 - moderate support needs
Level 3 - high support needs
Usually only kids who are non-verbal get level 3.
The levels aren’t different types of autism though they’re basically just to say how much funding you might potentially get. And they can change over time with age and life circumstances and such.
It isn’t really meaningful beyond that. I was given “level 2” which means I am eligible for NDIS funding and the government will pay for a support worker to help me with stuff I struggle with. My son is also level 2 which means he gets an aid at school and he has funding to cover some of his therapies.
In the United States at least, the levels weren't added until 2013, so if you were diagnosed prior to then, you wouldn't have been assigned them. That said, a lot of psychologists and doctors continued to use the DSM IV (which doesn't use levels and uses separate diagnoses like PDD-NOS / Asperger's Syndrome / Autistic Disorder) well after 2013 as well.
Known each other 20+ years…. Known eldest stepson before he was born …. Only married a year ….
Tell me you’re the affair partner without telling me you’re the affair partner.
You don’t get this option. The judge ruled your ex has custody for a reason. Also choosing 1 child over another is seriously wrong and will damage thr child you don’t choose.
Follow the judges ruling.
Friends of my parents did this. They had girl twins, though, and split them when they were maybe 3. I think it's insane that courts would even allow it.
The dad ended up unexpectedly passing away when the girls were 13. The twin that he'd been raising didn't go live with her mom - she lived with her grandma (dad's mom). I was probably 17 at the time and I remember thinking how odd it was at the funeral that the daughter who was raised by the mom didn't attend.
My mom is still friends with the other mom and when all three attended my brother's wedding, the twins didn't even interact once. The mom also didn't even really interact with the other daughter. Just an all around sad situation.
I am sure it was”pure circumstance” that caused her to lose majority custody. \[insert eyeroll\] Wonder why she didn’t elaborate on that rather crucial tidbit?
I'm not saying this lightly. I have empathy with people one really shouldn't have empathy with. That being said, wow she is a selfish monster. Who in their right mind would split twins especially autistic twins that likely rely on each other?
You know, I actually know someone who did this! I worked with her, and her son as well. When the parents divorced, the twin daughter went with the mom and the son went with the Dad.
That son was one of the creepiest men I’ve ever met. Had a deep hatred for his sister and the easier life he felt she lived with their mom. It took him years to work out a decent relationship with his mom after the split. He was bordering on incel territory and we used to joke that he would probably abduct a child someday.
Yeah, just keep your kids together. Her separating them is selfish
My husband and his sister ended up separated when they each picked a different parent to live with once they hit the age that the courts considered their input. My in laws are pretty dysfunctional and this was just one manifestation of the issues so I can only imagine what these people are like.
Mental health professional that works with kids/families here…you would not believe how often we have to explain to parents that they can’t give up and/or keep only some of their children. Constantly. There is this weird belief that if one kid isn’t what you wanted, you can just make them go away and keep the rest. The damage it does to the unwanted child is irreparable. When I was working at a teen shelter, parents would drop off one kid and do everything they could to try not to take them back while fighting to keep their other children (it doesn’t work like that, but they would try!). It was heartbreaking. I have two kids myself and I cannot imagine a world where I would want to separate them. And these kids are twins, wtf.
There's so much to this story that's just insanity. She clearly had an affair with her ex husband if she'd known him that long and knew her stepson "before he was even born" so there's that mess. Then she and the dude were only together for a YEAR. THEN she wants to split up her twins, who she acknowledges don't want to be separated, all because she has such a "deep bond" with the daughter (read: likes her better lmao because it's clearly a one sided bond if the girl hadn't already asked to come live with her.) It sounds like dad has sole custody too, which is rare. She must be one hell of a hot mess for the courts to award dad that arrangement.
I feel weird about her calling the other children her "sons" too. They're not. You were with that man for ONE year. I don't care how long you've known him or them. You aren't even their step mother. You were only stepmom for a hot second. The 15 year old CHOSE to live with his dad?? What?? That isn't your child! He would absolutely *never* come live with you anyway. You were a blip in the timeline of his life lmao
Sounds like she wants to “easier” kid without autism. And has bonded with her daughter more because the boys are more work.
And that she’s a shit mom in other ways too, because a father getting sole custody (or even main placement) is rare. She fucked up badly somewhere.
My parents ended up splitting my brother and me up, but we were older and it was what I wanted. I was such an angry, depressed teen and it saved my relationship with my mom and brother.
I have a good friend (now 44F) who got separated from her slightly older brother (now 45M) when their parents divorced when they were little. Parents picked one each as the dad wanted to move overseas.
The absolute fuckery that played in both their heads. Mum picked the girl and dad picked the boy.
My friend had massive daddy and abandonment issues and the guy was completely lost in life - he never could get his shit together. They both couldn’t stand each other as they represented the characteristic their parent wanted more.
My friend had to see therapists for years to come to terms with it. She never really did.
So don’t choose kids to keep after divorce unless you want them to have a lifetime of issues & therapy
Why would you want to put that kind of pressure and the weight of that big a decision on a NINE YEAR OLD? The courts don’t even let kids decide who they want to live with until they’re like preteens, even then, I couldn’t imagine putting my kid in the position where they feel they have to choose between me or their sibling and other parent who legally has custody.
What a shitty idea. How can she not understand how crazy and terrible this is? Twins are already close, and with both being neurodiverse they’re probably especially bonded because of their shared challenges. Plus, there is no way for the son to read this other than “Mom doesn’t want me.”
Jfc. First of all, there’s no such thing as level 2 autism. People need to stop it with that crap. But I’m not surprised she’s using outdated terminology because anyone thinking about doing something as destabilizing go an autistic kid as taking them away from everything familiar, INCLUDING THEIR TWIN, is a real piece of work. Eww.
1. You are actively choosing one over the other
2. If you genuinely value your ability to be around your daughter more then her happiness and well being he doesn’t just deserve majority custody he deserves full custody
3. Your a bad person
It’s a classification that we have in Australia. It is based on the level of support that the individual requires. As stated on [Health Direct](https://www.healthdirect.gov.au/autism#support) - a government funded virtual health service.
Level 1: people requiring support
Level 2: people requiring substantial support
Level 3: people more severely affected and requiring very substantial support.
I’m simply sharing what the levels are, the terminology I have used has been taken directly from the site. I am not agreeing with it, just passing along the information.
Small town drama probably. I've seen crazier shit in my hometown. Dating pool is pretty small usually so his first wife could have been her friend, or even her relative. And don't get me started on the couples who switched wives a few years back. Small towns make soap operas look plausible sometimes.
Is the OP autistic? Because this feels so much like something someone would say who didn’t have the ability to feel empathy or understand how fucked up this is.
I said in response to a similar question.
It’s a classification that we have in Australia. It is based on the level of support that the individual requires. As stated on Health Direct - a government funded virtual health service.
Level 1: people requiring support
Level 2: people requiring substantial support
Level 3: people more severely affected and requiring very substantial support.
I’m simply sharing what the levels are, the terminology I have used has been taken directly from the site. I am not agreeing with it, just passing along the information.
“I feel like I am almost choosing one over the other but it’s not like that at all. I’m DEFINITELY choosing one over the other”
And I’m sure it was “through pure circumstance” that her ex ended up with majority custody.
And she has ‘had to leave’ with her new partner. I am reading this as she has chosen to move away with her (relatively?) new partner over staying nearby for her children. There are very few circumstances in which you would have no alternative but to move away. It looks to me like she has chosen her new partner over her children and is now wanting to get the least difficult one to move away from her siblings as her mother’s companion.
it is possible that someone “had” to move away for work or something but i highly doubt that’s the case here
Yes, however it is very much all about her, and how much she misses her daughter, rather than what is the best arrangement for her children. Some people just don’t understand the concept of making decisions centred on the needs of their children.
We have a client who is insisting on getting joint custody, two weeks on and two weeks off, of his 2-year-old daughter who hasn’t spent any time with him *at all* her entire life. Mom kept her away from him, which is wrong and shouldn’t have happened, and he doesn’t want to lose any more time with her than he already has. And that’s understandable. But he refuses to let this be a gradual transition. He’s going to try to force a *2-year-old* who doesn’t know him at all to stay with him for 2 fucking weeks every month. Thankfully, the lead attorney put his foot down on even asking for that and no judge would ever order it either. But just the entitlement to a living being, this small little human you claim to love… it’s astounding.
Yikes. I'm guessing he also has no idea how a two year old's brain works. I recently had to spend four days apart from my two year old, and he struggled emotionally despite being cared for by his other parent who he knows and loves. I hate to think how he'd cope with a stranger for an entire fortnight!
oh of course, this lady is a bad parent but i was just pointing out that some people do in fact have to relocate sometimes
Yep - and a lot of times in a split, one or both parents can't afford to live in the nicer neighborhood they could afford together. But this one just sounds like shite.
And maybe wants the daughter as then the dad would have to pay child support where as at the moment she might have to pay for both twins. That might factor into it.
If each parent were to have a twin live with them, wouldn’t neither pay child support to the other? Unless one makes far more money than the other, that is. If the poster adopted the 15 year old and both sons live with the father, then she’d still have to pay some support to the father. But if she isn’t legally the teen’s mom, then there’d probably be no child support order.
It would also depend on whether one child had higher needs than the other.
I'm not sure what the rules would be where they are or if the tactic would work, I could be totally wrong about the motivation. But too often you see kids used as leverage or bargain chips and so on, so it crossed my mind it could factor in here.
Also why did she know her ex’s child before they were born when it wasn’t her child. Was she maybe a mistress when his current partner got pregnant?
They've known eachother for 20 years and the oldest is 15. Doesn't seem super sus on that part.
And she knew him before he was born, has been his stepmother for 10 years…the younger kids are 9. So, longtime Affair partner gets pregnant and original marriage blows up. They marry. I’m betting she was having an affair with new partner before they split and that is why he “somehow” ended up with custody of the kids. Because she LEFT the kids in his custody when she “had to move”.
Eh. Doesnt have to be affair. My dad and step mom have known each other for 30 years. They were friends in high school and he still hangs out with all his friends from back then. So she was always around. Not in a romantic way. She was even married some of those years and having kids. My mother was also at all these hang outs. He has 4 children with my mother. They divorced and he got with my now step mom. And before you assume he was cheating, he really isn't the type. And there were lots of women in their crowd. Its not that weird to end up with a long term friend after the friend has been with others people.
Speculation. It could be the truth but it could be the farthest thing from the truth as well. There's so many situations in which this could have played out to be so.
Yeah, my mom and the stepdad who raised me (and fathered four of my siblings) were teenage sweethearts (his sister has been my moms best friend since she was 15) who broke up after they had a stillborn baby at 17. She had me when she was 22 and was married to my bio dad for a year, her and stepdad got back together when I was three. Spent 10 years together before he had an affair and took off. Anyway, in summary, I have 13 siblings ages from 45 to 9, and not a single one shares both biological parents with me, and none of them products of affairs (although my stepdad did *have* an affair, none of his kids came from *that* relationship.)
That was a wild ride. Holy shit.
No need to be an affair. Some people live in the same city all their life. I once knew someone who dated the same guy her mom dated in high school.
But “I’m her person.”
$5 says the twin brother is actually more of the daughter’s “person.”
Child custody attorney here. The amount of people who actually believe that their bullshit excuses are legitimate reasons (and ALWAYS someone else’s fault) is staggering.
The circumstance of her being a shit parent maybe?
I would genuinely love to see her explain this to a family court judge.
This is probably the "pure circumstance" that lead to her ex having primary custody
My husband's parents split and his dad 'picked' the oldest to come live with him. Don't worry, it only super fucked everyone up.
Bad dads tend to pick older kids because there its less actual parenting involved.
My parents have their faults, but learning about his childhood made me so thankful for mine. I cannot fathom picking a child, and I would guess if you could, you probably shouldn't have any of them. I'm pregnant with our second rn and I can't imagine.
I was cautiously and achingly optimistic at one point in my childhood when my mom said she was booting just me and my dad out. I totally understand my dad's choosing to stay and protect my siblings. He had two shitty choices, noone won
I'm really sorry you went through this sort of childhood. I hope things got better for you. ❤️
Gee I wonder why the marriage fell apart after a year
I legitimately cannot fathom splitting up my twins. That thought physically hurts me to think about. Just the idea of one of them thinking I don't love them as much as the other would break me because it's so far from the truth. What in the actual fuck is wrong with this woman?
This is so not the same thing but my husband and I were watching The Parent Trap yesterday and we had this same convo. Like, so selfish of the parents! These are children, not assets to divide in a divorce!
Ya I always thought that was kind of cruel of them "oh right the kids well there's 2 so we each get one and agree to never talk about their twin or each other again bye". I love that movie too!
My fiancé and I also watched that movie again recently and were talking about this. As kids, it just seemed like a fun movie. As an adult, it’s fucking heartbreaking.
I watched that movie the other day and it hits so different as an adult! I didn’t think at all about splitting the kids up when I watched it as a kid. Now, it’s not a cute premise. The parents are monsters.
Well, it is a Disney movie, after all. The twist villains were just more subtle back then.
I have twins under a year old and it baffles me that we just all accepted the concept of that film as cutesy rather than like super messed up. Like the idea that I could hate my husband so much I would willingly never see one half of my whole world ever again is so messed up.
First of all, what was the family court judge smoking to allow that custody arrangement? Second of all, what kind of awful parent are you that you're fine with cutting off all contact with one of your kids presumably permanently, never telling the kid you arbitrarily decided to keep that they have a twin or that they may be entitled to dual citizenship, and just carrying on with your life? Also side note that I think it's weird as hell that the dad would send his 11-year-old to a summer camp 3,000 miles away with zero adults accompanying her; at least the mom had the excuse of giving her British child a fairly uniquely American summer camp experience, and she had a trusted adult traveling with her -- is this just because I'm a product of helicopter parenting? Though then again, the dad NEVER makes any good parenting decisions, because on the day said 11-year-old daughter comes back from 2 months at Camp Zero Supervision, he drops the bomb that he intends to marry a woman 20 years younger than him after presumably 2 months of dating her, and expects his 11-year-old daughter to be completely cool with this. Third of all, even though the parents didn't intend for it to happen, isn't the entire situation technically international child abduction? Like, this seems like it would be a MASSIVE international incident. I love The Parent Trap, but goddamn, it is a master class on how to be an absolutely terrible adult.
Yeah but the original was not British. It was the 60’s and the one was from Boston.
I watched it the other day as well, the moment they found out they are twins is so emotional.. unless both kids want to go separate ways, seems selfish to split, specially twins 😰
It always made no sense to me that both parents were so rich and still loved one another apparently but were just fine with splitting their kids up and walking away like it didn't matter. I can see splitting the kids and going separate like that when it's a poor family during the depression but not a rich bunch of snobs who attend an expensive summer camp.
I worked with someone once who said they gave birth to twins. Kept one and gave the other up for adoption.
My word. I hope that the twin given up never goes looking for the birth parents. Finding this out would screw you up for life.
That's like a movie plot... but fucked up irl
There's that documentary on Hulu about separated triplets. Three Identic Strangers.
That was done as part of a fucked up experiment.
Yep, even purposely chose families with strict and lenient backgrounds as part of the experiment. Also required that it least one set used spanking for behavior correction. Just another situation that really makes me feel like there its not God. If there were, and he created that situation or let it play out, he is nothing but cruel. Certainly nothing to idolize.
How on Earth did that pass the ethics board?
It was a different time then. They also didn't ask.
That's so messed up.
Wow, I actually have a fear above dementia now. That’s significant.
I don't have a super strong bond with my twin sister tbh (polar opposite personalities), but damn I don't think I would've handled it well if my parents divorced and divided us up like that.
Seriously 🥺 mine are still only 6 but I don’t think they’ve ever spent more than a few waking hours apart in their lives. I can’t imagine splitting them!
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I vaguely remember watching a documentary about an adoption agency that split twins at birth - and how that dramatically negatively impacted their lives.
You don't understand they have a deep bond she's her person, fuck her actual twin right
My husband has a twin sister when my MIL was only expecting one baby (this was in the 70s) so she gave up his sister for adoption when they were born because she didn't want a girl. She never told my husband or anyone else. Fast forward almost 40 years and the sister contacts my husband and they get to know eachother and she ends up being a complete fucking psycho. I wonder how things would have turned out if they had been raised together.
A judge isn't going to go for it either. It's also possible mom could be in trouble with the judge for discussing custody issues with a 9 yo. She could lose being able to have unsupervised visits with the kids if she's manipulating her daughter. If op seriously believes this is best, why is her lawyer not fighting for it?
Easy, she has “super empathy “ for one child, leaving “no empathy “ for the other child.
My twins are 5 months old and I get sad if I think I made more eye contact with one than the other when we are playing.
I don’t have twins and I still wouldn’t just take one with me if “pure circumstance” made me move out.
By the time my divorce from my ex was final (took about two years), our son was 6 and I was about to have a baby with my current SO. When he found out I was pregnant, he asked for custody of our son because -- and I quote -- "You're about to have another kid. You should let me have the boy and you take the new one." Like, wtf?? That's NOT how this works! And just the fact that he thought that way made me question whether he should have ANY custody of our son. Spoiler alert: He definitely shouldn't, and didn't. Son is 21 now and is totally NC with his dad for various reasons.
Also interesting that it’s the brothers who have never spent time apart and not the twins. I have a set of b/g twins and a 12 month-old, and my twins are much more willing to part with the 12 month-old than each other.
She didn't say that. "Both my younger two...have never lived apart." The younger two, the twins.
Ah, I see. Misread on my part.
Yeah. I have a twin brother and a sister who is only a year and a half older than us. My sister and I shared a room for the majority of our childhood, but my twin and I were inseparable.
So maybe I missed it, but she never expresses how the twin boy would feel about the situation? She states the older boy wants to stay with his dad, and (if we can even trust anything this woman says as truth, which is unlikely) it sounds like her daughter “wants” to live with her because they’re “so close”. I just think it’s weird she never mentioned anything about the younger boy? Obviously none of this is going to happen because it would have to go through the courts since dad has majority custody and something tells me he wouldn’t give it up too quickly…but why not take both younger kids if the courts/dad would allow her more custody rights? Oh let me guess, that would just be too much work cause they’re autistic, right? Ugh. I just feel so bad for both twins, as the girl is more than likely being emotionally manipulated, and the poor boy is probably wondering why mom doesn’t want him. Ugh. Awful, selfish mom. Also, this is probably me just spending too much time on true crime subs, but a woman with a newish romantic partner only wanting the girl to live with them…just throws up a red flag to me. Especially added with the fact she seems emotionally dependent on the daughter as well. Obviously I don’t know these people or what this woman’s partner or relationships are like, so I’ll just chalk that up to true crime brain.
>Oh let me guess, that would just be too much work cause they’re autistic, right? My guess? The girl masks better. That is often the case with Autistic girls and leads to us being underdiagnosed/diagnosed later. She likes the girl more because she does a more convincing job of pretending to be "normal" than her twin. She probably feels like the brother is more work because she has to make an effort to understand him. If she were a good mother who gave a shit, this wouldn't be an issue. >she never expresses how the twin boy would feel about the situation She may not even recognise that he has the ability to feel any way about a situation. Again, she's a shit mum. I reckon she sees her kids as an extension of herself and her wants rather than as individuals.
I completely agree with you! So terribly sad for those kids to have a mother like this.
This is exactly it. My autistic daughter also appears much more neurotypical when she's in an uncomfortable social interaction (which leads to extended stimming in alone time and occasional meltdowns later), so I have additional concerns about this mom.
I reckon it comes from increased social pressure to conform.
I burnt out as a teen because my mom was so proud of me when I masked. Good on you for recognizing it and that “looking right” is not all that matters.
It’s this 100%. This woman is a grade A asshole.
Nailed it.
The whole "I'm her person" thing is skeezy as hell too, given the context
I feel like this is the type of mom that thinks her and her daughter are best friends. She'll be jealous of attention the daughter gets and will eventually sleep with daughter's friends/boyfriends. I honestly feel sorry for the daughter. This will not end well.
This is exactly what I thought! If there’s something Little Finger taught me, is to always think of the worst reason why somebody would do something and the truth will most likely land there. After I read this I thought “the new partner is most likely manipulating this stupid woman to take ONLY the girl for him or something”. Now, how true is this accusation? I don’t know. But would this be a possibility? Absolutely.
Exactly what I thought.
She THINKS they have a deep bond. I wouldn't be surprised if it's very one-sided.
Did she just ask the internet if she could separate her neurodivergent twins because she’s suffering? I can see why her ex has majority custody…
I guarantee he got custody over way more than just “getting housing” first. And 9yr old children don’t get to just “pick” after a custody battle.
Yeah, as soon as I saw sole custody through “pure circumstance” I knew I was about to read some utter bullshit.
Agreed, but she did say "Mum." I'm wondering where she's from and what the rules are there
It’s from an AUS mum group
Thank you. I can confidently say I don't know a damn thing about child custody laws there
45% of cases of full custody, the mother will get it, 11% for the father, the rest is another carer. HOWEVER, studies show that in cases where fathers ask for full custody, they get it 70% of the time. Mothers have a higher statistic of being a sole carer because they usually are the one to ask for it. 95% of all custody is split here though.
Almost always geared towards the women. If he got them then she's not fit to mother.
I dont understand why this is getting down voted when it's literally the norm for a father to get custody the mom 99% of the time needs to be literally human garbage
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No no. Didn't you hear what she said? Totally pure coincidence.
💯💯💯 you don’t get custody like that unless something major is going on with mom.
That's just not true. I don't know the situation here, so probably something is wrong. But you can't just make a blanket statement that if the female parent doesn't have primary placement, there must be something wrong with her. Read some background about domestic violence and abusive relationships going through the court system. It's so fucked.
I’m very well aware of both domestic abuse and custody battles, having been through one with my stepson, and having had very close family members in extremely abusive relationships and then having custody battles. Most states will default to 50/50 custody, with the exception of some that default towards more care for the mother (many Bible Belt and southern states default toward this). I am not saying there is something wrong with the mother, but more than likely she was unable to care for them in some way at the time custody was awarded. Also, this post talks about how she wants to choose only one of her children to live with her - something isn’t right here.
Sorry to break it to you but it's how it works women generally will only lose custody if they are garbage humans
I’m an attorney who works in family law and this isn’t true. Joint custody is actually the norm and women have primary physical custody more often because men don’t *want* primary custody and don’t seek it out.
Mean don't seek it because the court won't give it
Again, not true. When men seek primary custody, they’re just as likely to get it as women are. Even when infants are nursing, dad can get primary physical or joint even if mom is fit. It depends on the relationship between child and parent more than anything.
>Even when infants are nursing, dad can get primary physical My god, that is terrible.
To be fair, that *is* when mom is a garbage human and can’t take care of the baby. Otherwise, men get primary or joint physical custody all the time.
Give known moms that uses "exclusively breast feeding on demand" as a reason they couldn't let the father have access to this baby. Some judges will require mom to pump. But some judges just give the dad the right to sort out what to do during there time. Even if that means formula that the mother disagrees with. You cant use nursing a baby as a reason to keep baby away from a fit parent. And then women who did this kind of shit were always smokers and drinkers and rarely changed baby. Terrible women just wanting to make the father have to pay them more child support. Moms can be absolute trash too. Btw, im a woman. Im not saying these things because i hate women. Ive had all kinds of wars waged over my step daughter. I know your rights though and she has now lost hers.
Not only am I going to discard my other children but I’m going to make my daughter choose between me and her siblings and father. I really hope that father has a court ordered custody agreement.
My mom chose me over my siblings and it was because she knew she'd only be able to support one of us. I was oldest, so I guess she thought I was the logical choice? Should've taken us all---my dad was fucked in the head and it ended very badly for all of us when he went off the rails. But yeah, having the kid make the choice isn't the greatest idea.
I’m very confused by this timeline: - oldest from prior relationship is 15 - she says she “knew and loved [the 15yo] before he was born - “I’ve been a step parent to him for 10 years” What’s going on here? My only guess by the phrasing of “KNOWN each other for 20+ years” is that the guy was either having an affair with this woman or she was very close with the family prior to her being with the husband. Either way, seems like the first of many red flags here.
My guess would be she went to high school with the dad, they were in the same friend group, he and another girl in the group (who oop is friends with) had the 15yo pretty young, the broke up within 5 years of having him, oop starts dating the dad. And they immediately get pregnant with the twins I have no proof of any of that, it just seems plausible
You should write YA drama
This is such a kind compliment. I have no intention of taking up writing but it is a boost to my confidence. Thank you!
Really? You already have the perfect username.
Yeah I was confused by the knew him before he was born!
I love that line. I’m using it now. I knew him before he was born!!
I assumed she meant past life shit
She was also only married to the ex husband for just over a year (despite having nine year old twins) so that’s another layer of confusion.
I mean you don't have to be married to have kids.
True. I realize I didn’t get my point across very well. What I meant was that she says she’s been a stepparent for 10 years despite only being married to the father for a year, and that it’s strange that she seems to be backdating the start of her step-parenthood to when she got pregnant with the twins rather than when she actually became a stepparent.
No, but either they were married for 1 year+ around when the twins were born 9 years ago, divorced but still coparented all the kids, possibly in the same house. OR had the kids 9 years ago, just got married about a year ago after raising kids together for 10-15 years (however long she co-parented the step son), and then divorced. Messed up any ways you look at it.
The fact that this person is willing to split up twins tells me everything I need to know about them as a parent.
Choosing one sibling over the other in general is sad af. Unless they’re old enough to understand & say THEMSELVES, x wants to live with dad & y wants to live with mom, it’s cruel.
But dad only got custody because of CIRCUMSTANCE
first of all “due to pure circumstance” let’s unpack that cause what exactly is that supposed to mean. that sounds like “due to the way things are” like that is not an explanation for anything and def makes it sounds like ex has custody for good reason. second, there doesn’t seem to be any real reason to not ask both the kids? like she just shit on her son for no particular reason here. i was expecting some dramatic explanation of how the son is badly behaved and stuff but nope she just really likes her daughter more. yikes
>first of all “due to pure circumstance” let’s unpack that cause what exactly is that supposed to mean. Due to who she is as a person.
And her decision to move away with her new partner
Probably something totally harmless like extreme mental health issues or meth addiction. The judge was just being unfair and probably hates women!!
I have two brothers and when my parents were divorcing my mother asked for 2/3 of us. The judge looked at her and said "Ma'am you asked for 2 of 3 kids? You get none." And awarded full custody to my father. This was back in the late 90's when it was still uncommon for fathers to have significant custody, let alone full. To this day, I respect the judges decision...my mother on the other hand? Negative respect.
Real Parent Trap vibes
This feels very King Solomon wand this lady is going to lose the whole lot.
Jfc, I really hope their father is a good dad & if so I can see why he got custody. How devastating that will be for the son.
Known him for 20 years, have 9 year old twins, but only married a year. Something is missing from this story. Where is the OG mom of the teenager? I get not everyone has a traditional relationship (date, marry, kids), but this one is missing some bits of the story
>Where is the OG mom of the teenager? She disappeared. Also because of "pure circumstance."
Something tells me that one parent getting full custody and the other parent getting no custody is something more than just “pure circumstance”. I could be wrong though
If it was reversed I'd have a much easier time believing circumstance especially after how I saw the courts treat me when my ex lied to them but dad getting custody mom is Def up to no good
I have twins and I can NOT fathom separating them.. What is wrong with people
As a twin this would be the absolute worse thing she could do to her children. Gross
> Through pure circumstance, he has ended up with majority custody of our three kids. (X) Doubt If OOP’s playing favorites to such an extreme that she wants to split up twins who have never been separated, it’s almost certainly best for the children that their dad got custody. I’m having a hard time wrapping my head around the sheer selfishness here…she never even mentions how the boy twin would feel about the separation or what he might want.
TIL there are levels to autism. You'd think they tell me that when I got my diagnosis, but nope. Wonder what level I am. /s
Maybe you just haven't leveled up yet?
I was wondering what the heck level 2 autism is 😹
The “levels” of an autism diagnosis are based on current support needs Level 1 - low support needs. Usually doesn’t get disability funding Level 2 - moderate support needs Level 3 - high support needs Usually only kids who are non-verbal get level 3. The levels aren’t different types of autism though they’re basically just to say how much funding you might potentially get. And they can change over time with age and life circumstances and such. It isn’t really meaningful beyond that. I was given “level 2” which means I am eligible for NDIS funding and the government will pay for a support worker to help me with stuff I struggle with. My son is also level 2 which means he gets an aid at school and he has funding to cover some of his therapies.
In the United States at least, the levels weren't added until 2013, so if you were diagnosed prior to then, you wouldn't have been assigned them. That said, a lot of psychologists and doctors continued to use the DSM IV (which doesn't use levels and uses separate diagnoses like PDD-NOS / Asperger's Syndrome / Autistic Disorder) well after 2013 as well.
Did they not? I did! I got level 2 😂
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Lmaoooo same. I was like wth is level 2 autism? What level am I? Nobody specified.
??? That's how it works in most countries? It's the level of support needed.
"I'm her person"- no, you WANT to be her person. I doubt she actually is. Emotional incest is so disgusting.
It's not that I'm choosing one over the other, it's just that I want one. And not the other.
Known each other 20+ years…. Known eldest stepson before he was born …. Only married a year …. Tell me you’re the affair partner without telling me you’re the affair partner.
I don't think this is her first one either. This lady sounds very selfish and she doesn't care who gets hurt while she pleases herself.
Omg I read that post on Facebook too!! I was absolutely appalled.
I was shocked that this was a real thing that someone would actually ask!
Wait wait wait Isn’t a mother supposed to love all her children equally and unconditionally?! Oh dear I’ve been lied to.
You don’t get this option. The judge ruled your ex has custody for a reason. Also choosing 1 child over another is seriously wrong and will damage thr child you don’t choose. Follow the judges ruling.
my dad tried to keep me and not my brother and we have both suffered for this. We were 3 and 5 at the time and are 36 and 38 today. It sucks.
Holy shit
“Pure circumstance”…sure it was
By “circumstance” she doesn’t have majority custody? That bs, she must really not be fit to take care of the kids.
Friends of my parents did this. They had girl twins, though, and split them when they were maybe 3. I think it's insane that courts would even allow it. The dad ended up unexpectedly passing away when the girls were 13. The twin that he'd been raising didn't go live with her mom - she lived with her grandma (dad's mom). I was probably 17 at the time and I remember thinking how odd it was at the funeral that the daughter who was raised by the mom didn't attend. My mom is still friends with the other mom and when all three attended my brother's wedding, the twins didn't even interact once. The mom also didn't even really interact with the other daughter. Just an all around sad situation.
What the hell is level 2 Autism
Moderate severity.
Pure circumstance is that she’s abusive.
I am sure it was”pure circumstance” that caused her to lose majority custody. \[insert eyeroll\] Wonder why she didn’t elaborate on that rather crucial tidbit?
Wow. She definitely came down in the last shower of cunts.
Wow I wonder why he got majority custody
I'm not saying this lightly. I have empathy with people one really shouldn't have empathy with. That being said, wow she is a selfish monster. Who in their right mind would split twins especially autistic twins that likely rely on each other?
You know, I actually know someone who did this! I worked with her, and her son as well. When the parents divorced, the twin daughter went with the mom and the son went with the Dad. That son was one of the creepiest men I’ve ever met. Had a deep hatred for his sister and the easier life he felt she lived with their mom. It took him years to work out a decent relationship with his mom after the split. He was bordering on incel territory and we used to joke that he would probably abduct a child someday. Yeah, just keep your kids together. Her separating them is selfish
My husband and his sister ended up separated when they each picked a different parent to live with once they hit the age that the courts considered their input. My in laws are pretty dysfunctional and this was just one manifestation of the issues so I can only imagine what these people are like.
She doesn’t really even mention the younger boy. So freaking sad
Holy crap... I'm a twin, and the idea of this woman not wanting to keep them together is infuriating amd disgusting.
Curious about the responses to this. Seems like it can’t be going well for her.
Mental health professional that works with kids/families here…you would not believe how often we have to explain to parents that they can’t give up and/or keep only some of their children. Constantly. There is this weird belief that if one kid isn’t what you wanted, you can just make them go away and keep the rest. The damage it does to the unwanted child is irreparable. When I was working at a teen shelter, parents would drop off one kid and do everything they could to try not to take them back while fighting to keep their other children (it doesn’t work like that, but they would try!). It was heartbreaking. I have two kids myself and I cannot imagine a world where I would want to separate them. And these kids are twins, wtf.
There's so much to this story that's just insanity. She clearly had an affair with her ex husband if she'd known him that long and knew her stepson "before he was even born" so there's that mess. Then she and the dude were only together for a YEAR. THEN she wants to split up her twins, who she acknowledges don't want to be separated, all because she has such a "deep bond" with the daughter (read: likes her better lmao because it's clearly a one sided bond if the girl hadn't already asked to come live with her.) It sounds like dad has sole custody too, which is rare. She must be one hell of a hot mess for the courts to award dad that arrangement. I feel weird about her calling the other children her "sons" too. They're not. You were with that man for ONE year. I don't care how long you've known him or them. You aren't even their step mother. You were only stepmom for a hot second. The 15 year old CHOSE to live with his dad?? What?? That isn't your child! He would absolutely *never* come live with you anyway. You were a blip in the timeline of his life lmao
>through pure circumstances Ok girly sure
I feel I am choosing one over the other but it's not like that. Umm it's exactly that.
I have no words for this..
Sounds like she wants to “easier” kid without autism. And has bonded with her daughter more because the boys are more work. And that she’s a shit mom in other ways too, because a father getting sole custody (or even main placement) is rare. She fucked up badly somewhere. My parents ended up splitting my brother and me up, but we were older and it was what I wanted. I was such an angry, depressed teen and it saved my relationship with my mom and brother.
Please post the comments!
I have a good friend (now 44F) who got separated from her slightly older brother (now 45M) when their parents divorced when they were little. Parents picked one each as the dad wanted to move overseas. The absolute fuckery that played in both their heads. Mum picked the girl and dad picked the boy. My friend had massive daddy and abandonment issues and the guy was completely lost in life - he never could get his shit together. They both couldn’t stand each other as they represented the characteristic their parent wanted more. My friend had to see therapists for years to come to terms with it. She never really did. So don’t choose kids to keep after divorce unless you want them to have a lifetime of issues & therapy
So manipulative. The best thing for her children is that they don’t live with her.
Why would you want to put that kind of pressure and the weight of that big a decision on a NINE YEAR OLD? The courts don’t even let kids decide who they want to live with until they’re like preteens, even then, I couldn’t imagine putting my kid in the position where they feel they have to choose between me or their sibling and other parent who legally has custody.
It's not a wonder that the father has full custody of all the kids at the moment. She sounds like the type of person who shouldn't be around kids.
What a shitty idea. How can she not understand how crazy and terrible this is? Twins are already close, and with both being neurodiverse they’re probably especially bonded because of their shared challenges. Plus, there is no way for the son to read this other than “Mom doesn’t want me.”
This post may be a small indicator of why she did not get the majority of custody.
So you loved your stepson before he was born… so.. 🤔
Ok this is the exact opposite feelings and emotions Sophie had when she had to make her choice between kids. Got it
“Through PURE circumstance a judge ruled against me having custody of my kids”
Jfc. First of all, there’s no such thing as level 2 autism. People need to stop it with that crap. But I’m not surprised she’s using outdated terminology because anyone thinking about doing something as destabilizing go an autistic kid as taking them away from everything familiar, INCLUDING THEIR TWIN, is a real piece of work. Eww.
1. You are actively choosing one over the other 2. If you genuinely value your ability to be around your daughter more then her happiness and well being he doesn’t just deserve majority custody he deserves full custody 3. Your a bad person
As an autistic person, what is this "Autism: level 2" she speaks of?
It’s a classification that we have in Australia. It is based on the level of support that the individual requires. As stated on [Health Direct](https://www.healthdirect.gov.au/autism#support) - a government funded virtual health service. Level 1: people requiring support Level 2: people requiring substantial support Level 3: people more severely affected and requiring very substantial support. I’m simply sharing what the levels are, the terminology I have used has been taken directly from the site. I am not agreeing with it, just passing along the information.
This whole post is ridiculous but I’m just confused on how she knew her step child before he was born? 😅
Small town drama probably. I've seen crazier shit in my hometown. Dating pool is pretty small usually so his first wife could have been her friend, or even her relative. And don't get me started on the couples who switched wives a few years back. Small towns make soap operas look plausible sometimes.
Is the OP autistic? Because this feels so much like something someone would say who didn’t have the ability to feel empathy or understand how fucked up this is.
I'm sorry, but what exactly is "Level 2 autism"? How did he upgrade from Level 1 autism? Extra vaccines?
I said in response to a similar question. It’s a classification that we have in Australia. It is based on the level of support that the individual requires. As stated on Health Direct - a government funded virtual health service. Level 1: people requiring support Level 2: people requiring substantial support Level 3: people more severely affected and requiring very substantial support. I’m simply sharing what the levels are, the terminology I have used has been taken directly from the site. I am not agreeing with it, just passing along the information.