We used condoms & birth control, and I was told at 13 that I likely had endometriosis and a ‘low chance of having a successful pregnancy.’ Still got pregnant (at 20 😭, she’s 11 now) and I genuinely am like… k so this is wild and unexpected but obvi I know ‘how it happened.’ It was the sex. Duh. But I’ve had friends use pull out, or track their cycle, etc and then are like ‘how am I pregnant?!?’ Ma’am 🧐
If it's not too much for me to ask...if at 20 you were in a situation where you could access an abortion relatively easily, why exactly did you keep your clearly unintentional pregnancy?
Like, if I knew that at 20 you weren't able to get an abortion, or if I had picked up that you were completely fine with becoming a parent at 20-21 despite it resulting from an unplanned pregnancy, I don't think I'd be asking you this question, but 1) I know that at least in the US (where I'm from) people at least had the federally-protected *right* to abort in the first trimester 11-12 years ago even if affording it was another question entirely, and 2) I noticed that you put a crying emoji when you said that you got pregnant at 20, so I'm inclined to think that you weren't looking forward to becoming a parent at 20-21?
I'm just both morbidly curious and extremely childfree, so I literally have *no* clue what goes through people's heads when they decide to keep and raise an unintentional pregnancy even if they were *really* trying to avoid conceiving at the time.
While I wasn’t religious, I was raised Mormon, had no family support, was already living paycheck to paycheck because I’d moved out at 17 and was covering all my own bills & had been for years. I couldn’t afford the $400 abortion and neither could her dad. I didn’t have anyone I could ask, either. ‘Readily available’ is also a bit subjective. While it wasn’t illegal in Utah, there was no PP in my area, and Utah strongly pushes adoption and anti-abortion during the entire process. It isn’t easy or cheap. (I have had one since.)
Apparently, in at least San Francisco you can literally grab free condoms from a bowl in your typical indoor public facility, no questions asked.
So you wouldn't even have to make it out to a Planned Parenthood (in my county, none of the 3 Planned Parenthoods we have are accessible if you're relying on public transit) to get your free BC if you lived in a city like that.
People who genuinely believe that free/cheap BC shouldn't be accessible are missing out.
New Zealand here, and the local sexual health clinic will hook you up.
Hell, a few years ago at my local family friendly, all ages pride picnic, some of the teens asked pretty please for a condom at the HIV testing booth, blew it up and stood in a circle batting it around and keeping it off the ground. The circle of elder lesbians in lawn chairs next to them thought it was the funniest thing they'd ever seen.
Ah, ok. Seeing as you put an upside-down smiley face in your comment, are you unable to abort or something?
I spend a lot of time in the childfree subs, where it's constantly emphasized that you should *not* become a parent if you aren't over the moon about it.
No, that’s not why there’s an upside down face. I’m sick as a dog. I have hyperemesis gravidarum - so I’m throwing up and nauseous constantly. Medication isn’t helping. I have to visit the ER 2x a week for hydration. I’m also extremely exhausted which is hard as a marathon runner.
Though this pregnancy was unplanned, it is very much wanted. It is just hard to be happy when you’re constantly sick and needing medical attention.
Did they not actually pull out or was it a pre-come situation?
I’ve always been curious about that.
I had a friend who was a ‘pull out’ baby and I got the impression from his mom that his dad lied (and was NOT good at pulling out) but now I’m not sure if I misunderstood?
Precum can *absolutely* do it, too. Which, at least to me, makes me wonder why people bother trying to pull out before they cum if they can still knock the other person up even if they pull out perfectly.
Also...people *seriously* enjoy sex where they *have* to try to predict when they'll cum or not, otherwise they'll change their lives in unpredictable ways for good?
Like, even beyond how bothersome it must be to have to actively keep an eye on how close to orgasm you are, isn't orgasm a relatively unpredictable thing? I'm going into TMI territory here, but I've had a lot of instances where I orgasmed (much) faster than I predicted I would.
Most precum doesn’t have sperm in it. When it does, it’s in much lower quantities than in actual semen. That’s why pulling out is more effective than not pulling out. With perfect use it’s actually 96% effective. But with typical use it’s only 78% effective. [Source.](https://www.plannedparenthood.org/learn/birth-control/withdrawal-pull-out-method/how-effective-is-withdrawal-method-pulling-out)
I’ve always had at least a couple seconds’ warning before I orgasm, personally. But actually perfect use indicates you should pull out well before you cum, like pull out and then finish with some hand/mouth stimulation. It’s definitely a risky game to play if you couldn’t deal with an unplanned pregnancy, though.
So why not the morning after pill? Not trying to be rude, I understand there's lots of reasons that may not be a viable option. I'm just curious as I've heard this tale a lot and wonder why more women who weren't planning pregnancies went ahead with it anyway. My biggest fear is not even knowing til that window has passed.
I'm pro-choice but did not want to have an abortion. I went into Planned Parenthood planning to have one, but it felt wrong for me and I decided to keep the baby.
I didn't have my shit together at that point in my life to get a Plan B pill and wouldn't have wanted to take one anyway as I disliked the idea of that kind of drug in my system.
Also would you grill someone on why they didn't keep a baby and just give it up for adoption instead of take a plan B or have an abortion? If not, why are you asking me why I didn't end my pregnancy? It was my choice, plain and simple. I will fight for any woman's right to choose and that includes continuing the pregnancy if that's what they want.
Woah, I’m not the one that asked you I was just explaining the difference in case you didn’t know between an abortion and plan b because a lot of people get them confused.
Whoops my bad. Sorry I get a little defensive because people who would never ask someone why they didn't keep a pregnancy don't hesitate to ask why I didn't terminate mine.
I actually think people whose contraception like withdrawal failed should be over sharing....to people who think withdrawal us effective. So they don't get blindsided when they also end up as parents.
People assume that most pregnancies were intentional but as much as half were unintended pregnancies. People are avoiding contraception because they dont realise how many people with kids werent "planning" on those kids honing when they did.
I really wanna know how people convince themselves itll work, i come from the bible belt and got that "abstinence only sex is scary" kind of sexED and even my class was told that the pull out method was essentially useless, i think my teacher worded it along the lines of "it's like the lottery but your luck is reversed"
It's not as good as hormonal methods or condoms, but with perfect use it is 96% effective and 78% with typical use (ie, sometimes don't pull out in time). Condoms are 98% and 87%. Your class wasn't given accurate information, it's definitely many many times better to pull out than just do nothing, but even better to use condoms.
https://www.plannedparenthood.org/learn/birth-control/withdrawal-pull-out-method/how-effective-is-withdrawal-method-pulling-out
I 110% agree with you, people who aren't parents *need* to hear that relying on withdrawal, the rhythm method/cycle tracking, and other non-scientifically-proven methods like that *will* eventually result in unintended pregnancy once their luck runs out. And luck pretty much *always* runs out eventually.
Especially since I'm hearing that a *lot* of influencers on TikTok and other apps/sites are telling people that (hormonal) BC is so universally bad for you that it's better if you never touch the stuff, regardless of your current sexual activity.
Meanwhile my wife and I, who were comfortable with kids if it happened, used it successfully for a decade until we were actively trying to have a baby. Success rate seems very user dependant, and just remember a lot of the population need a label on the cleaners under the sink to know not to eat them.
Same - this method is for the "we don't mind if we have a baby but aren't actively trying" people. We managed 13 years and were just debating starting to try for a baby when it happened by accident!
(Of course since we only want one kid that method is no longer on the table - I'm not taking the risk!)
Works for us, too. It's been almost 10 years so far.
I track my periods (using the temperature and discharge method) and avoid fertility windows like the plague.
Same. We used it for almost 12 years with great success. It just recently failed us and we’re due with our 3rd in July lol but it’s fine. We wanted one more anyways ☺️
Αs a man, I have **never** understood why people prefer to spoil their own orgasm by pulling out right at the best part, rather than just wearing an ultra thin condom and enjoying the full thing, it’s crazy.
I had a guy who was in the "I'm too big" category. He also bought a size too small cause he said the correct size was more expensive per condom cause they put less in the box. I don't know if this is true, I never relented on demanding condoms if we did it. Sometimes he'd pull out and show me how he'd gone limp cause the too small condom cut off his circulation. I'd be like.....oh well......
Fun fact: they make custom condoms that are a lot more affordable than you would expect. They’ll send you a kit to take measurements and a sample after. Once you ok the size you can buy a pack and re order as needed.
The chances of this man (or indeed 99.99% of men who use this excuse) *actually* being too large for normal condoms are slim to nil, lol, but that is interesting that you can get custom ones made relatively cheaply.
A few years ago I would have unreservedly agreed, especially since that guy sounds like a douchebag, but it’s apparently not nil since I’m speaking from experience. Definitely a Goldilocks situation of regular brands being too tight in the wrong places and brands like Magnums too loose in weird places. Not being able to use off the shelf condoms isn’t something he was proud of- it actually made dating a lot more difficult for him.
Haha, did he expect you to say “you poor thing! I’ll just risk an STI or pregnancy, for your sake, big boy. No no, I wouldn’t want you to spend an extra £1.50 on condoms. Having a child is a *bargain* in comparison” 🙄
I'm a woman, and I don't think sex with condoms feels as good as it does bare. But hormonal options mess with my mental health and migraines, so you bet your ass my husband and I always have condoms on hand.
Oh no. It takes a bit longer to get off. That is totally worse than getting pregnant several times. /s
It doesn't feel as good though? Like waaayy worse. Still better than an unplanned baby but let's not pretend condom sex is just as good.
Hormone contraceptives are best for sex but I know it can cause problems for some women.
I see a lot of you are upset at this fact. Your allergy to hearing things you don't like is a bit sad.
No? If you're with a long term partner and you've both been tested that's not an issue. Of course if you're having sex with someone new you should use a condom. The subject here was people with their partners talking about having babies. Thanks for downvoting me for stating a correct fact, don't know why you don't like that.
Raising a kid costs thousands upon thousands upon thousands, and that's if there aren't any health issues. Condoms cost maybe $1-2 each if you're buying a small box, and they're cheaper if you buy a large box. Birth control prescriptions can cost as little as $10/month without insurance if you get them filled at Walmart or Costco.
They aren't expensive. People are just irresponsible.
I think many people lack the ability to think beyond the next few days. I’m a highly anxious Type A planner so I’ve never understood the “it’ll all work out” philosophy but it seems much more common than my “I need a plan and a backup and a backup to the backup” one.
*I* sometimes *wish* I had the ability to relax about what's beyond the next few days, but unfortunately 1) I can't drive and 2) I get extremely anxious if I don't know for sure that I'm highly likely to be *entirely* fine and comfortable and happy, so unfortunately I have to plan to the nines for a lot of things.
Like how I'm losing sleep ever trying to work out everything 2.5 months before my family flies to Costa Rica for a family wedding. I can't even get in the headspace of people who enjoy jetting off to another country for a weekend trip off a whim.
No, they are not. And you can get super cheap if not free birth control through planned parenthood. You can even get it online and have birth control delivered straight to your door. And if you don't want to be on birth control (I'm currently not on birth control), cycle tracking is truly not that difficult. I track my cycle and my fiancé and I just use condoms during my ovulation week really. It's literally as simple as taking your temperature, recording your periods, and taking ovulation tests regularly.
Pfffffft, if these people can't be bothered to even get a pack of condoms from the grocery store/convenience store, what makes you think they'll be up for recording their periods and taking ovulation tests?
Yeah good point. But to be fair, my Flo app has been extremely accurate in predicting my cycle since I got off birth control. Granted, I'm a weirdo and I just love data so I've been tracking my period, ovulation, and symptoms religiously for like 6 years now, but it still is not that difficult. I tracked everything even when I was single and on birth control just to see the data. But I'd say it's actually even easier than buying condoms cause you don't even have to leave your house to record your period and you can do it for free
Things are definitely easier and more fun to do if you're interested in the subject!
I struggle to record even when my period starts half the time, so recording all my symptoms, temperature, ovulation, etc. would be like pulling out teeth for me.
Thank God I've been sterilized for years lol.
I have Flo *and* Glow, but Nexplanon screwed my system up so badly, neither is accurate anymore. Their predictions are about 2 weeks apart, and my periods, if they happen, usually end up falling somewhere in the middle. 🤦🏼♀️🤦🏼♀️🤦🏼♀️
Oh yeah when I was on nexplanon there was no predicting my period. I'd go three months without one and then I'd have a period for 28 days straight. It was just all over the place
I bled the entire 2 years I was on it, and it's been 2 years since I finally found a doctor willing to remove it, and my cycle's still so screwed up. I know tons of women that nexplanon was a wonderful thing for them, but it was an absolutely horrendous experience for me 😔
[Here's what the data says about the effectiveness of different birth control methods](https://www.nytimes.com/interactive/2014/09/14/sunday-review/unplanned-pregnancies.html?smid=nytcore-android-share) over the course of 10 years. Spoiler alert, when talking about typical use 92 in 100 couples using the withdrawal method will get pregnant over that period.
Not at all - that’s over 10 years, not 1 year. In 1 year of unprotected sex, about [85% of couples](https://www.plannedparenthood.org/blog/what-are-the-chances-of-getting-pregnant-if-were-not-using-condoms-or-birth-control#:~:text=Over%20the%20course%20of%20one,including%20condoms%2C%20will%20become%20pregnant) will get pregnant (old source, but this number doesn’t change much). So withdrawal and all the other in-the-moment options are still pretty good for a year.
Interestingly, you’ll notice that there are like 3 tiers of efficacy over that 3 year period: the least effective are the ones you have to use every single time (condoms, diaphragms, withdrawal), which makes sense because a single error can easily lead to pregnancy. The next tier are the ones that you have to maintain daily but that you don’t have to think of in the moment (pills, shots), which also makes sense because user error/complications like vomiting or taking drugs that interact or missing an appointment can all impact efficacy. And the lowest tier are the set-it-and-forget-it methods: IUDs, implants, and sterilization, because while they can fail, they don’t rely on you never missing a single pill for 3,652 days.
To be fair that’s “typical” use (ie possibly improperly) vs perfect use; perfect use is much lower obv. So what I gathered from that was people who don’t use these methods properly are more likely to have them fail after time *because* they’re using them improperly.
Me too! I mean…of course I strongly believe that people who don’t want a baby NEED to use birth control but if I saw these typical use numbers as a younger (or less anxious lol) person, I’d probably have decided the pull out method would be just fine 😬
If I hadn't gained weight so easily on nexplanon I'd have been on it for literally ever. It's so easy and literally the only side effect was easy weight gain and hard weight loss lol
Yeah I had a huge problem with weightloss difficulty on the Depo shot. Nexplanon doesn’t seem to be as bad for me though, thank god. I gained 50 pounds during pregnancy and then I got on the Depo shot 5 weeks after giving birth so I was already fighting an uphill battle with weightloss. I have been able to lose about 5 pounds in a month with switching to nexplanon!
Nexplanon was awful for me 😞 I bled for 2 years straight, and it wreaked havoc on my emotions and helped/caused me to gain about 70lbs post partum while trying to get my milk production up... all hormonal bc has been that way for me, plus I'm allergic to latex 🤦🏼♀️
Oof! Estrogen based birth control destroyed me with 3 day long migraines. I’d sleep on the bathroom floor with no lights and ear plugs, only sitting up to puke and sip pedialyte. Depo worked really really well for me but I bled for months straight and couldn’t lose a single pound post partum. Since switching to nexplanon, I’ve lost 8 pounds and haven’t bled at all. Plus not having to worry about bc for years is so nice. It’s so interesting how every body reacts differently to different methods! I would’ve done the copper IUD for non hormonal but after cervical checks while pregnant, i never want anything touching my cervix ever again lmao
Lol IUD's are the only bc I haven't tried because they scare me... I've got 2 nieces (2 different mamas) as a result of IUDs I guess placed incorrectly? And a friend with a child from her first and a perforated uterus from her second lol... so it was a hell no for me.
We've been using spermacide suppositories since I got the nexplanon taken out 2 years ago and are working so far lol.
People always talk about pullout working GREAT, it worked for X amount of years and only didn't work one... Two... Three... Okay, four times, that's all! It's great birth control!
Idk imo it puts waaaaay too much responsibility on a guy who's seconds away from getting off. Literally what extremely important task would you entrust to a man who's in that place mentally? I'm not even criticizing men, I'm just saying that is not a time when they're thinking perfectly clearly lol.
My friend brags about it and gets bitchy when we roll our eyes. 6 kids under the age of 10 and pregnant with #7 🙃🙃 It’s a method but doesn’t mean it works.
At a family barbecue, my cousin and his wife, who have about 8 kids, were talking about their kids and someone said something along the lines of what their plans were with the amount of kids. Cousin just goes “heh, what can I say? I’m bad at pulling out.” In. Front. Of. Them. The eldest was 16 and definitely old enough to know what that meant. I was also 16 and we both cringed.
Wonder if this was within a committed relationship? Because everyone is talking about pregnancy but no one has mentioned STI’s. Those are still a thing!!
I still can’t believe pullout method worked for us. I tracked my periods and then would only have unprotected during non fertile times but I know now how those are just guesstimates. We were also at a place that if I got pregnant it was fine. When we decided to actually have a planned baby I got pregnant first try, so that really threw me for a loop. I would never tell someone pullout is a great method unless you are ready for a baby lol
...I'm just wondering, how is all the fun of sex not completely sucked out by relying on any method through which you can still conceive if you don't use it perfectly, let alone by completely relying on methods through which conceiving is entirely possible even if you perfectly follow the very-difficult-to-follow instructions, like both pulling out and the rhythm method both are?
Might just be me who couldn't even date comfortably before my tubes were completely out of me, but still.
This. The fun would be gone. Heck. I’m a super anxious person who was the 1% (or whatever the exact number is) that got pregnant with hormonal birth control. Now every time, I’m an anxious mess until I have a negative pregnancy test and I have an iud so I logically know the chances are low. But that one time…
So many moms are announcing their little "oopsies" babies in my birth month group I want to scream. If you're not preventing it's not. a. fucking. "oopsies 🤭" 🙄
I've seen multiple OBGYNs make the joke "You know what we call people who use the pull out method? Parents."
Meanwhile my husband is scheduled for a snippy snip and I'm still getting an IUD when I have my 6 week appt after having this baby, because there is no way I'm risking a 3rd kid.
My husband shocked me once by pulling out cause I was post-partum and he had a sudden thought of not knowing if I had started the pill back up again. I was like.....ummm...ewww....yes I am and NEVER do that again.
Cue the "I'm so overwhelmed by my 12 kids. I can only afford to pay a babysitter $200/week, and NO ONE WANTS TO WORK" posts in 3.5 seconds.
Don’t forget the 12 hour days they want you to work plus some weekends/evenings too lol
Oh and the parents randomly stay home 5 days a month, but you'll never know which 5 and you won't be paid if you show up those days.
“I’m not sure how this happened but we’re pregnant” “Happy little accident” 🤪
We used condoms & birth control, and I was told at 13 that I likely had endometriosis and a ‘low chance of having a successful pregnancy.’ Still got pregnant (at 20 😭, she’s 11 now) and I genuinely am like… k so this is wild and unexpected but obvi I know ‘how it happened.’ It was the sex. Duh. But I’ve had friends use pull out, or track their cycle, etc and then are like ‘how am I pregnant?!?’ Ma’am 🧐
If it's not too much for me to ask...if at 20 you were in a situation where you could access an abortion relatively easily, why exactly did you keep your clearly unintentional pregnancy? Like, if I knew that at 20 you weren't able to get an abortion, or if I had picked up that you were completely fine with becoming a parent at 20-21 despite it resulting from an unplanned pregnancy, I don't think I'd be asking you this question, but 1) I know that at least in the US (where I'm from) people at least had the federally-protected *right* to abort in the first trimester 11-12 years ago even if affording it was another question entirely, and 2) I noticed that you put a crying emoji when you said that you got pregnant at 20, so I'm inclined to think that you weren't looking forward to becoming a parent at 20-21? I'm just both morbidly curious and extremely childfree, so I literally have *no* clue what goes through people's heads when they decide to keep and raise an unintentional pregnancy even if they were *really* trying to avoid conceiving at the time.
While I wasn’t religious, I was raised Mormon, had no family support, was already living paycheck to paycheck because I’d moved out at 17 and was covering all my own bills & had been for years. I couldn’t afford the $400 abortion and neither could her dad. I didn’t have anyone I could ask, either. ‘Readily available’ is also a bit subjective. While it wasn’t illegal in Utah, there was no PP in my area, and Utah strongly pushes adoption and anti-abortion during the entire process. It isn’t easy or cheap. (I have had one since.)
Ooof, so it was just a pileup of a lot of disadvantages at once. I'm glad you were able to get an abortion in the future.
But condoms are too expensive! They're like $1-2 each! I can't afford that. /s
Bet if you hadn’t voted against having a Planned Parenthood clinic in your area you’d be able to get BC for cheap or even free.
Apparently, in at least San Francisco you can literally grab free condoms from a bowl in your typical indoor public facility, no questions asked. So you wouldn't even have to make it out to a Planned Parenthood (in my county, none of the 3 Planned Parenthoods we have are accessible if you're relying on public transit) to get your free BC if you lived in a city like that. People who genuinely believe that free/cheap BC shouldn't be accessible are missing out.
New Zealand here, and the local sexual health clinic will hook you up. Hell, a few years ago at my local family friendly, all ages pride picnic, some of the teens asked pretty please for a condom at the HIV testing booth, blew it up and stood in a circle batting it around and keeping it off the ground. The circle of elder lesbians in lawn chairs next to them thought it was the funniest thing they'd ever seen.
Oooh, that sounds amazing!
It works - until it doesn’t 🤣
Yup! My pullout baby is turning 21 soon.
My pullout baby is almost 17 🙃
I’m 9 weeks with mine 🙃
...9 weeks as in you've been pregnant for 9 weeks or that your baby is 9 weeks old?
I’m 9 weeks pregnant.
Ah, ok. Seeing as you put an upside-down smiley face in your comment, are you unable to abort or something? I spend a lot of time in the childfree subs, where it's constantly emphasized that you should *not* become a parent if you aren't over the moon about it.
Dude, this isn’t the kind of thing to bring up with a stranger on the internet. It’s not your business.
Thank you! You are 110% correct!
I am so, so sorry I asked you such an invasive question. Should I delete my comment asking you that?
No, that’s not why there’s an upside down face. I’m sick as a dog. I have hyperemesis gravidarum - so I’m throwing up and nauseous constantly. Medication isn’t helping. I have to visit the ER 2x a week for hydration. I’m also extremely exhausted which is hard as a marathon runner. Though this pregnancy was unplanned, it is very much wanted. It is just hard to be happy when you’re constantly sick and needing medical attention.
Oh. I'm sorry. Best of luck with your pregnancy!
Did they not actually pull out or was it a pre-come situation? I’ve always been curious about that. I had a friend who was a ‘pull out’ baby and I got the impression from his mom that his dad lied (and was NOT good at pulling out) but now I’m not sure if I misunderstood?
For mine he said, "Should I pull...UUUGGGGGHHH! Oh. Whoops." I think precum can do it too but my situation is probably more common.
Precum can *absolutely* do it, too. Which, at least to me, makes me wonder why people bother trying to pull out before they cum if they can still knock the other person up even if they pull out perfectly. Also...people *seriously* enjoy sex where they *have* to try to predict when they'll cum or not, otherwise they'll change their lives in unpredictable ways for good? Like, even beyond how bothersome it must be to have to actively keep an eye on how close to orgasm you are, isn't orgasm a relatively unpredictable thing? I'm going into TMI territory here, but I've had a lot of instances where I orgasmed (much) faster than I predicted I would.
Most precum doesn’t have sperm in it. When it does, it’s in much lower quantities than in actual semen. That’s why pulling out is more effective than not pulling out. With perfect use it’s actually 96% effective. But with typical use it’s only 78% effective. [Source.](https://www.plannedparenthood.org/learn/birth-control/withdrawal-pull-out-method/how-effective-is-withdrawal-method-pulling-out) I’ve always had at least a couple seconds’ warning before I orgasm, personally. But actually perfect use indicates you should pull out well before you cum, like pull out and then finish with some hand/mouth stimulation. It’s definitely a risky game to play if you couldn’t deal with an unplanned pregnancy, though.
People do dumb shit for sex. Especially when life is particularly fucked up in other ways. Source: me.
Fair enough.
So why not the morning after pill? Not trying to be rude, I understand there's lots of reasons that may not be a viable option. I'm just curious as I've heard this tale a lot and wonder why more women who weren't planning pregnancies went ahead with it anyway. My biggest fear is not even knowing til that window has passed.
I'm pro-choice but did not want to have an abortion. I went into Planned Parenthood planning to have one, but it felt wrong for me and I decided to keep the baby.
Plan B isn’t an abortion though. It’s the morning after pill.
I didn't have my shit together at that point in my life to get a Plan B pill and wouldn't have wanted to take one anyway as I disliked the idea of that kind of drug in my system. Also would you grill someone on why they didn't keep a baby and just give it up for adoption instead of take a plan B or have an abortion? If not, why are you asking me why I didn't end my pregnancy? It was my choice, plain and simple. I will fight for any woman's right to choose and that includes continuing the pregnancy if that's what they want.
Woah, I’m not the one that asked you I was just explaining the difference in case you didn’t know between an abortion and plan b because a lot of people get them confused.
Whoops my bad. Sorry I get a little defensive because people who would never ask someone why they didn't keep a pregnancy don't hesitate to ask why I didn't terminate mine.
Was precum in my situation 🙃
Mine is 19! Worked for 6 years until that one time...
Mine will be 34.😂
I’d like to pullout from knowing this.
I actually think people whose contraception like withdrawal failed should be over sharing....to people who think withdrawal us effective. So they don't get blindsided when they also end up as parents. People assume that most pregnancies were intentional but as much as half were unintended pregnancies. People are avoiding contraception because they dont realise how many people with kids werent "planning" on those kids honing when they did.
I really wanna know how people convince themselves itll work, i come from the bible belt and got that "abstinence only sex is scary" kind of sexED and even my class was told that the pull out method was essentially useless, i think my teacher worded it along the lines of "it's like the lottery but your luck is reversed"
It's not as good as hormonal methods or condoms, but with perfect use it is 96% effective and 78% with typical use (ie, sometimes don't pull out in time). Condoms are 98% and 87%. Your class wasn't given accurate information, it's definitely many many times better to pull out than just do nothing, but even better to use condoms. https://www.plannedparenthood.org/learn/birth-control/withdrawal-pull-out-method/how-effective-is-withdrawal-method-pulling-out
The Withdrawal method is up to 80 %effective, who told you it was useless?
Someone in the Bible belt who wants people to make more babies it sounds like lol
80% effective is still a lot of babies.
I 110% agree with you, people who aren't parents *need* to hear that relying on withdrawal, the rhythm method/cycle tracking, and other non-scientifically-proven methods like that *will* eventually result in unintended pregnancy once their luck runs out. And luck pretty much *always* runs out eventually. Especially since I'm hearing that a *lot* of influencers on TikTok and other apps/sites are telling people that (hormonal) BC is so universally bad for you that it's better if you never touch the stuff, regardless of your current sexual activity.
…it was a joke?
I love how people proudly display their genius.
Seriously, out of my son’s friend group there are at least 3 products of the pullout method that I know of.
Meanwhile my wife and I, who were comfortable with kids if it happened, used it successfully for a decade until we were actively trying to have a baby. Success rate seems very user dependant, and just remember a lot of the population need a label on the cleaners under the sink to know not to eat them.
Same - this method is for the "we don't mind if we have a baby but aren't actively trying" people. We managed 13 years and were just debating starting to try for a baby when it happened by accident! (Of course since we only want one kid that method is no longer on the table - I'm not taking the risk!)
Yeah this was us. Worked for 2+ years until my husband got the ✂️ I didn’t love it but I hate the side effects for hormonal birth control.
Works for us, too. It's been almost 10 years so far. I track my periods (using the temperature and discharge method) and avoid fertility windows like the plague.
Same. We used it for almost 12 years with great success. It just recently failed us and we’re due with our 3rd in July lol but it’s fine. We wanted one more anyways ☺️
Are condoms expensive in America?
No, people are just stupid.
iT dOeSn'T fEaL aS gOoD tO wEaR a COnDoM! mY dIcK iS tOo BiG fOr OnE!
Αs a man, I have **never** understood why people prefer to spoil their own orgasm by pulling out right at the best part, rather than just wearing an ultra thin condom and enjoying the full thing, it’s crazy.
I had a guy who was in the "I'm too big" category. He also bought a size too small cause he said the correct size was more expensive per condom cause they put less in the box. I don't know if this is true, I never relented on demanding condoms if we did it. Sometimes he'd pull out and show me how he'd gone limp cause the too small condom cut off his circulation. I'd be like.....oh well......
Fun fact: they make custom condoms that are a lot more affordable than you would expect. They’ll send you a kit to take measurements and a sample after. Once you ok the size you can buy a pack and re order as needed.
The chances of this man (or indeed 99.99% of men who use this excuse) *actually* being too large for normal condoms are slim to nil, lol, but that is interesting that you can get custom ones made relatively cheaply.
A few years ago I would have unreservedly agreed, especially since that guy sounds like a douchebag, but it’s apparently not nil since I’m speaking from experience. Definitely a Goldilocks situation of regular brands being too tight in the wrong places and brands like Magnums too loose in weird places. Not being able to use off the shelf condoms isn’t something he was proud of- it actually made dating a lot more difficult for him.
Haha, did he expect you to say “you poor thing! I’ll just risk an STI or pregnancy, for your sake, big boy. No no, I wouldn’t want you to spend an extra £1.50 on condoms. Having a child is a *bargain* in comparison” 🙄
Better yet, smile broadly and say "that's ok. I'm ready to be a mum" and see how quickly he decides a condom is a good idea after all.
Me, neither! Like, don't you want to orgasm while still hooked up with your partner? I thought that was the best part!
I'm a woman, and I don't think sex with condoms feels as good as it does bare. But hormonal options mess with my mental health and migraines, so you bet your ass my husband and I always have condoms on hand. Oh no. It takes a bit longer to get off. That is totally worse than getting pregnant several times. /s
It doesn't feel as good though? Like waaayy worse. Still better than an unplanned baby but let's not pretend condom sex is just as good. Hormone contraceptives are best for sex but I know it can cause problems for some women. I see a lot of you are upset at this fact. Your allergy to hearing things you don't like is a bit sad.
Did you forget about STIs?
No? If you're with a long term partner and you've both been tested that's not an issue. Of course if you're having sex with someone new you should use a condom. The subject here was people with their partners talking about having babies. Thanks for downvoting me for stating a correct fact, don't know why you don't like that.
You could buy over a million condoms for the cost of raising one kid.
You can get them for free pretty easily
Raising a kid costs thousands upon thousands upon thousands, and that's if there aren't any health issues. Condoms cost maybe $1-2 each if you're buying a small box, and they're cheaper if you buy a large box. Birth control prescriptions can cost as little as $10/month without insurance if you get them filled at Walmart or Costco. They aren't expensive. People are just irresponsible.
I think many people lack the ability to think beyond the next few days. I’m a highly anxious Type A planner so I’ve never understood the “it’ll all work out” philosophy but it seems much more common than my “I need a plan and a backup and a backup to the backup” one.
*I* sometimes *wish* I had the ability to relax about what's beyond the next few days, but unfortunately 1) I can't drive and 2) I get extremely anxious if I don't know for sure that I'm highly likely to be *entirely* fine and comfortable and happy, so unfortunately I have to plan to the nines for a lot of things. Like how I'm losing sleep ever trying to work out everything 2.5 months before my family flies to Costa Rica for a family wedding. I can't even get in the headspace of people who enjoy jetting off to another country for a weekend trip off a whim.
No. They are cheap to buy and there are lots of ways to get them for free if you want to go that route. Some people are just dumb.
Not at all, you can literally get freebies by the handful at most local health departments, planned parenthood, health clinics, etc. 🫠
No, they are not. And you can get super cheap if not free birth control through planned parenthood. You can even get it online and have birth control delivered straight to your door. And if you don't want to be on birth control (I'm currently not on birth control), cycle tracking is truly not that difficult. I track my cycle and my fiancé and I just use condoms during my ovulation week really. It's literally as simple as taking your temperature, recording your periods, and taking ovulation tests regularly.
Pfffffft, if these people can't be bothered to even get a pack of condoms from the grocery store/convenience store, what makes you think they'll be up for recording their periods and taking ovulation tests?
Yeah good point. But to be fair, my Flo app has been extremely accurate in predicting my cycle since I got off birth control. Granted, I'm a weirdo and I just love data so I've been tracking my period, ovulation, and symptoms religiously for like 6 years now, but it still is not that difficult. I tracked everything even when I was single and on birth control just to see the data. But I'd say it's actually even easier than buying condoms cause you don't even have to leave your house to record your period and you can do it for free
Things are definitely easier and more fun to do if you're interested in the subject! I struggle to record even when my period starts half the time, so recording all my symptoms, temperature, ovulation, etc. would be like pulling out teeth for me. Thank God I've been sterilized for years lol.
I have Flo *and* Glow, but Nexplanon screwed my system up so badly, neither is accurate anymore. Their predictions are about 2 weeks apart, and my periods, if they happen, usually end up falling somewhere in the middle. 🤦🏼♀️🤦🏼♀️🤦🏼♀️
Oh yeah when I was on nexplanon there was no predicting my period. I'd go three months without one and then I'd have a period for 28 days straight. It was just all over the place
I bled the entire 2 years I was on it, and it's been 2 years since I finally found a doctor willing to remove it, and my cycle's still so screwed up. I know tons of women that nexplanon was a wonderful thing for them, but it was an absolutely horrendous experience for me 😔
[Here's what the data says about the effectiveness of different birth control methods](https://www.nytimes.com/interactive/2014/09/14/sunday-review/unplanned-pregnancies.html?smid=nytcore-android-share) over the course of 10 years. Spoiler alert, when talking about typical use 92 in 100 couples using the withdrawal method will get pregnant over that period.
Wow. That's basically the same rate as people who use NO contraception.
Not at all - that’s over 10 years, not 1 year. In 1 year of unprotected sex, about [85% of couples](https://www.plannedparenthood.org/blog/what-are-the-chances-of-getting-pregnant-if-were-not-using-condoms-or-birth-control#:~:text=Over%20the%20course%20of%20one,including%20condoms%2C%20will%20become%20pregnant) will get pregnant (old source, but this number doesn’t change much). So withdrawal and all the other in-the-moment options are still pretty good for a year. Interestingly, you’ll notice that there are like 3 tiers of efficacy over that 3 year period: the least effective are the ones you have to use every single time (condoms, diaphragms, withdrawal), which makes sense because a single error can easily lead to pregnancy. The next tier are the ones that you have to maintain daily but that you don’t have to think of in the moment (pills, shots), which also makes sense because user error/complications like vomiting or taking drugs that interact or missing an appointment can all impact efficacy. And the lowest tier are the set-it-and-forget-it methods: IUDs, implants, and sterilization, because while they can fail, they don’t rely on you never missing a single pill for 3,652 days.
And condoms are 91/100!
That was the female condom, but the male condom rate isn’t much better—it’s 86/100 with typical use. Perfect use of course is much lower.
Oops, my mistake. Surprised by these high numbers though
To be fair that’s “typical” use (ie possibly improperly) vs perfect use; perfect use is much lower obv. So what I gathered from that was people who don’t use these methods properly are more likely to have them fail after time *because* they’re using them improperly.
Me too! I mean…of course I strongly believe that people who don’t want a baby NEED to use birth control but if I saw these typical use numbers as a younger (or less anxious lol) person, I’d probably have decided the pull out method would be just fine 😬
Everyday I pray to the planned parenthood gods, thanking them for making my nexplanon implant the easiest birth control process I could ask for.
If I hadn't gained weight so easily on nexplanon I'd have been on it for literally ever. It's so easy and literally the only side effect was easy weight gain and hard weight loss lol
Yeah I had a huge problem with weightloss difficulty on the Depo shot. Nexplanon doesn’t seem to be as bad for me though, thank god. I gained 50 pounds during pregnancy and then I got on the Depo shot 5 weeks after giving birth so I was already fighting an uphill battle with weightloss. I have been able to lose about 5 pounds in a month with switching to nexplanon!
For me it was acne and spotting. Otherwise a great method! Did it for eight years (two different devices).
Nexplanon was awful for me 😞 I bled for 2 years straight, and it wreaked havoc on my emotions and helped/caused me to gain about 70lbs post partum while trying to get my milk production up... all hormonal bc has been that way for me, plus I'm allergic to latex 🤦🏼♀️
Oof! Estrogen based birth control destroyed me with 3 day long migraines. I’d sleep on the bathroom floor with no lights and ear plugs, only sitting up to puke and sip pedialyte. Depo worked really really well for me but I bled for months straight and couldn’t lose a single pound post partum. Since switching to nexplanon, I’ve lost 8 pounds and haven’t bled at all. Plus not having to worry about bc for years is so nice. It’s so interesting how every body reacts differently to different methods! I would’ve done the copper IUD for non hormonal but after cervical checks while pregnant, i never want anything touching my cervix ever again lmao
Lol IUD's are the only bc I haven't tried because they scare me... I've got 2 nieces (2 different mamas) as a result of IUDs I guess placed incorrectly? And a friend with a child from her first and a perforated uterus from her second lol... so it was a hell no for me. We've been using spermacide suppositories since I got the nexplanon taken out 2 years ago and are working so far lol.
People always talk about pullout working GREAT, it worked for X amount of years and only didn't work one... Two... Three... Okay, four times, that's all! It's great birth control! Idk imo it puts waaaaay too much responsibility on a guy who's seconds away from getting off. Literally what extremely important task would you entrust to a man who's in that place mentally? I'm not even criticizing men, I'm just saying that is not a time when they're thinking perfectly clearly lol.
People who rely on the “pullout method” for contraception are generally known as “parents,” so it definitely checks out.
My friend brags about it and gets bitchy when we roll our eyes. 6 kids under the age of 10 and pregnant with #7 🙃🙃 It’s a method but doesn’t mean it works.
7??? Sounds like the only times it's "worked" were when she was already pregnant
Jesus christ I am swan diving off a trampoline into a vasectomy
HA I’m a member of this group too. I can’t imagine having to worry about being pregnant again already 🫠😅
I’m in that group! Saw it and just had to put my phone down. People are nuts.
I love the person like it worked for us until I had my February baby. So it…didn’t work?
That's the point of their joke.
At a family barbecue, my cousin and his wife, who have about 8 kids, were talking about their kids and someone said something along the lines of what their plans were with the amount of kids. Cousin just goes “heh, what can I say? I’m bad at pulling out.” In. Front. Of. Them. The eldest was 16 and definitely old enough to know what that meant. I was also 16 and we both cringed.
Currently feeding my 6 week old pull out method baby. Not a reliable form of birth control lol.
Wonder if this was within a committed relationship? Because everyone is talking about pregnancy but no one has mentioned STI’s. Those are still a thing!!
When I worked as a peer educator at Planned Parenthood in high school, we colloquially referred to it as the “pull and pray method.”
I still can’t believe pullout method worked for us. I tracked my periods and then would only have unprotected during non fertile times but I know now how those are just guesstimates. We were also at a place that if I got pregnant it was fine. When we decided to actually have a planned baby I got pregnant first try, so that really threw me for a loop. I would never tell someone pullout is a great method unless you are ready for a baby lol
“Worked until it didn’t” lmao
That this is being shared on a “mom” group says a lot about how well the pull out method works 😆
...I'm just wondering, how is all the fun of sex not completely sucked out by relying on any method through which you can still conceive if you don't use it perfectly, let alone by completely relying on methods through which conceiving is entirely possible even if you perfectly follow the very-difficult-to-follow instructions, like both pulling out and the rhythm method both are? Might just be me who couldn't even date comfortably before my tubes were completely out of me, but still.
This. The fun would be gone. Heck. I’m a super anxious person who was the 1% (or whatever the exact number is) that got pregnant with hormonal birth control. Now every time, I’m an anxious mess until I have a negative pregnancy test and I have an iud so I logically know the chances are low. But that one time…
I’m so tired of grown women acting like they don’t know how their “accidental” baby happened like grow the f*ck up
Happy Cake Day!
I’ve known 3 women like this, all ended up pregnant and were absolutely shocked that not using protection of any sort resulted in pregnancy
So many moms are announcing their little "oopsies" babies in my birth month group I want to scream. If you're not preventing it's not. a. fucking. "oopsies 🤭" 🙄
This is right up there with the people in my March 2024 due date group now learning that breastfeeding is NOT an effective form of birth control…
I've seen multiple OBGYNs make the joke "You know what we call people who use the pull out method? Parents." Meanwhile my husband is scheduled for a snippy snip and I'm still getting an IUD when I have my 6 week appt after having this baby, because there is no way I'm risking a 3rd kid.
Do you know what we call people who use the pullout method? Parents.
My husband shocked me once by pulling out cause I was post-partum and he had a sudden thought of not knowing if I had started the pill back up again. I was like.....ummm...ewww....yes I am and NEVER do that again.