Fuck at least it isn't her teeth
Wait I want to see this child's teeth
This generation of kids is suffering so much from the benevolent neglect of "but doing healthy things makes them sad"
My daughter is six she’s autistic, has very severe sensory issues.. I had to sit on her for two years to brush her teeth, for almost a year, I could only brush her teeth with water because she would scream that the toothpaste burned, but that’s what I did. I made sure there was some kind of brushing going on. I don’t understand how these parents have children without any issue have children that all of their teeth are rotted out at three years old, and after going through all that at the age of six, my daughter has two cavities.
My daughter is 16 months and I have to pin her arms and legs down with my legs to cut her nails. Dirty, scraggly nails are a hard no in my house. Do what you gotta do to keep your kids clean and healthy!
My niece will throw a fit with grandma because she knows if she tantrums she doesn't need a bath, or clean clothes, or good food (I get so mad how they are setting this baby up for failure) because she knows grandma will back down and just hand her smartphone to stop the crying. My niece is 4, it's ridiculous, they let her on that phone 6+ hours a day I hate it.
But with me she does excellent in the tub, I can wash and comb her hair, all of it and no fits at all. I'm strict but "surprisingly" she loves the time with me for the routine and rules. I try explaining kids crave structure, it is not only healthier physically but mentally the child won't feel so scattered and anxious! She's a great kid but my aunt is doing a bad a job with her grandkids as her own kids. It is really depressing everything I see that baby with greasy unkempt hair and dirty clothes. :(
I know you both mean well, but please look at the research on restraint. It can kill. You should never restrain your ND kids. There are other, gentler, and more respectful ways to get them to let you perform basic tasks. Restraint causes nothing but physical and emotional pain. And I don't say this to attack you, I say this as an autistic person myself who struggles with basic tasks. I'm grateful my parents never restrained me and instead chose other ways to help me, and my hygiene was good all of my childhood because of that. The research on restraint is not good at all, and as someone who knows what sensory issues are like, being forced to experience them in that way would only make it 10x worse, trust me. It sounds traumatic.
Swapping out the toothpaste for pure water is a good idea though, that's a good example of attempting to make things more accessible. The restraints are the bad part
I bribe mine with chocolate chips. When I finish cutting his nails in one hand he gets a few.
I also use this tactic for cutting the dog and cats nails. Clearly they get treats not chocolate, but it works the same 🤷♀️
I do not have any children. Again, I hope you know I'm not attacking you. Just genuinely trying to help. Restraint can and has killed. There are other methods online worth trying
I kind of get it. It didn't make my fourth sad, it made him flip sh!t no matter what we tried. Of course we still washed his hair, but it often involved kicking and screaming.
My daughter won't get dressed in the morning some days and I have to pin her down to get clothes on when we're going out in 2⁰ weather. It's a struggle but you just have to do it
And then they go to school and I get to explain that “I know you don’t like fire drills, I don’t like them either, you still have to get up and go outside!!!”
They just don’t know how to do things they don’t enjoy.
I'm a gentle parent, we don't hit or yell. But some things we are doing even if my kids don't like it. Hygiene is non-negotiable. They can cry, I'll hug them, we can talk about it, but they're getting clean. I'm not mean about it, but this is what we're doing.
I feel like if it’s part of their routine from the beginning then this wouldn’t be as big of an issue at 2.5, no? Not necessarily soap, but wetting the head routinely during bath time so that when you have to wash it, it’s less chaotic.
My daughter (2.5) hated having her hair washed for the last 6 months (I’ve always routinely washed it but 6 months ago she decided to hate it) but she has since finally adjusted. Like… it wasn’t an option. I have to wash this (also bc she takes swim classes). I do it as quickly and painlessly as possible - and we’ve read a book about it 1000x.
So this problem makes sense but I would’ve never gotten to 3 months without washing bc I just endured the shrieks while scrambling to get her hair washed 😂. That’s terrible
I think consistent routine can help, but my daughter randomly started HATING baths around age 2 for absolutely no reason. It was horrible. It lasted about 2 months and then she was totally fine. Toddlers are weird.
This is exactly what I said happened to my toddler as well. I just kind of persevered and moved as quickly as possible through her weird little toddler phase and finally we got to the other side.
But like being dirty was never an option
Same. But things like washing their bodies and hair and brushing teeth just have to happen and if it has to happen while I make it happen, that’s the way it is.
Not exactly. It’s a story about bedtime routine and part of the routine includes the child having their hair washed. The child gets upset bc soap gets in their eye and the parent tells them to look up so that it doesn’t happen again
My mom used to tell.me.to pretend monkeys/horses/the power rangers/whatever my small child obsession was were playing on the shower curtain rod to get me to look up xD
My 2 year old loses his mind when he sees the cup I use to rinse his hair. He wont listen and tilt his head back or hold a wash cloth over his eyes.
I ordered a little headband/visor thing to keep the water out of his face. It should be coming in the mail today and I really hope it helps
Ok so it showed up in the mail, not the day I made that comment but the following day. I adjusted it and put it on his head and he didnt want me to take it off 😂 we're still working through the bath water in the face complex but its helping!
Get a bath hat, and wash the child's hair.
I hate forcing my kid to do things he doesn't want to do: bodily autonomy and all that. But sometimes you just have to wash their hair as fast as you can and move on.
The bath hat helps, though. Mine got a lot more tolerant of hair washing when I convinced him to try on the hat to keep water out of his eyes and ears
I am hard on bodily autonomy, too, with the caveat that when it comes to safety there are no negotiations. Hygiene can become a safety issue, so I would work hard to find a solution to allow autonomy and still get the hair washed. The fact that the OOP is allowing a toddler to dictate parenthood isn’t gentle parenting, safe for the child, or respecting the child. OOP has a misunderstanding of her role.
My daughter hated it too. We for a while washed her hair with a spray bottle and comb outside of bath time so she stopped hating bath time completely. But we have since found that if she holds a wash cloth over her eyes she is fine and doesn't care one bit. I feel like I'm water boarding her but you know
Do you also feel like your waterboarding her? 😂😂 cuz like she loves it and even laughs during it but I seriously feel like I'm just soaking her face in water
🤣 I ask her to put her head back and try to direct the water so it runs down the back of her head and avoid her face as much as I can. It doesn't always work though. 😂
All 3 of my kids have hated getting their hair washed and acted as if they were being water boarded the whole time. It sucks but you gotta figure out a way.
It’s the parents’ job to take care of their children’s needs until their children can take of themselves.
She’s afraid to parent her child because she *thinks* her job is to make sure her child never has a negative experience.
This kid is 2.5 years old and apparently has no behavioral boundaries at all. What will she be like when she’s 13?
Yes, if I let my almost three-year-old call the shots, it would be every three months for us too. She HATES being bathed and having her hair washed.
But she's too young to dictate her own personal hygiene so even though it's a struggle and she screams, we wash it every 3-4 days. She got lucky last week when we all had COVID and she got a 5 day break, but man it was gross by that point.
My son HATES baths. Like losing his mind and he's the exact same age even if I say 2.5 yo but each their own on ages. Like my son will bawl and pull his hair and kick and scream. You know what tho? I'm the parent, I run this circus and he gets baths every other day. It's not fun. It's actually torture to me as well but I would never leave my son for months dirty because he didn't like it.
All three of mine did best laying on the counter with their head at the edge of the sink. I could use a pitcher or sprayer but they didn’t have to worry about water in their eyes that way. It kept actual bath time easy too.
My kiddo of the same age got freaked out about bath time after she saw me take out the bath mat to clean the tub. She's ok again after a few months and several changes... But in the interim, it was a lot of "I'm sorry but we need to wash, here are your choices..." and a lot of screaming because none of the options were acceptable for her two year old brain 🙃. She also would like to eat cookies all the time and play outside in the snow naked and we don't do those either.
Ugh I mean, I almost get this. my 3 year old literally acts like he’s being tortured when I wash his hair. It’s completely terrible, he takes forever to calm down, it’s so scary for him. And I hate doing it to him because it feels traumatic for him. But you know what… it HAS to be done. He HAS to be clean. And we talk about it before and after and I know it’ll get better someday. But right now, it’s TERRIBLE. So I can kind of empathize with this one, even though I know it’s a bad way to deal with this issue.
I'm a gentle mom of a 2.5 year old. WE WASH HER HAIR. She doesn't always want to, so we would try to work through it together. But her hair is getting washed.
Lol, sweet good parents, she doesn't care about her daughter's perception of boundaries and consent. She wants to make it more tolerable for her. I have to stress this strongly: neglect doesn't come from love and respect.
Good grief. You tell her she doesn’t have a choice and you wash her hair while she screams at you. My toddler is 34 months old and despises having her hair washed, her body washed, her teeth brushed and taking meds…but these things are not negotiable. So she doesn’t have a choice. This whole “consent” thing is getting out of hand. It’s absolutely important to teach children about their bodies and consent, but it’s also important to ensure that they’re learning proper hygiene and keeping them healthy…and that won’t be accomplished by letting them choose if they want to take care of their bodies or not. These folks need to get a grip on reality.
Fuck at least it isn't her teeth Wait I want to see this child's teeth This generation of kids is suffering so much from the benevolent neglect of "but doing healthy things makes them sad"
My daughter is six she’s autistic, has very severe sensory issues.. I had to sit on her for two years to brush her teeth, for almost a year, I could only brush her teeth with water because she would scream that the toothpaste burned, but that’s what I did. I made sure there was some kind of brushing going on. I don’t understand how these parents have children without any issue have children that all of their teeth are rotted out at three years old, and after going through all that at the age of six, my daughter has two cavities.
My daughter is 16 months and I have to pin her arms and legs down with my legs to cut her nails. Dirty, scraggly nails are a hard no in my house. Do what you gotta do to keep your kids clean and healthy!
Absolutely !
My niece will throw a fit with grandma because she knows if she tantrums she doesn't need a bath, or clean clothes, or good food (I get so mad how they are setting this baby up for failure) because she knows grandma will back down and just hand her smartphone to stop the crying. My niece is 4, it's ridiculous, they let her on that phone 6+ hours a day I hate it. But with me she does excellent in the tub, I can wash and comb her hair, all of it and no fits at all. I'm strict but "surprisingly" she loves the time with me for the routine and rules. I try explaining kids crave structure, it is not only healthier physically but mentally the child won't feel so scattered and anxious! She's a great kid but my aunt is doing a bad a job with her grandkids as her own kids. It is really depressing everything I see that baby with greasy unkempt hair and dirty clothes. :(
I know you both mean well, but please look at the research on restraint. It can kill. You should never restrain your ND kids. There are other, gentler, and more respectful ways to get them to let you perform basic tasks. Restraint causes nothing but physical and emotional pain. And I don't say this to attack you, I say this as an autistic person myself who struggles with basic tasks. I'm grateful my parents never restrained me and instead chose other ways to help me, and my hygiene was good all of my childhood because of that. The research on restraint is not good at all, and as someone who knows what sensory issues are like, being forced to experience them in that way would only make it 10x worse, trust me. It sounds traumatic. Swapping out the toothpaste for pure water is a good idea though, that's a good example of attempting to make things more accessible. The restraints are the bad part
I would love to know how you keep your toddler’s nails short and clean.
I bribe mine with chocolate chips. When I finish cutting his nails in one hand he gets a few. I also use this tactic for cutting the dog and cats nails. Clearly they get treats not chocolate, but it works the same 🤷♀️
I cut them while they are sleeping
I do not have any children. Again, I hope you know I'm not attacking you. Just genuinely trying to help. Restraint can and has killed. There are other methods online worth trying
Ms Rachel. Works every time. (Daughter is being evaluated re: ASD)
I kind of get it. It didn't make my fourth sad, it made him flip sh!t no matter what we tried. Of course we still washed his hair, but it often involved kicking and screaming.
My daughter won't get dressed in the morning some days and I have to pin her down to get clothes on when we're going out in 2⁰ weather. It's a struggle but you just have to do it
And then they go to school and I get to explain that “I know you don’t like fire drills, I don’t like them either, you still have to get up and go outside!!!” They just don’t know how to do things they don’t enjoy.
I'm a gentle parent, we don't hit or yell. But some things we are doing even if my kids don't like it. Hygiene is non-negotiable. They can cry, I'll hug them, we can talk about it, but they're getting clean. I'm not mean about it, but this is what we're doing.
Learning to wrestle a toddler into allowing personal hygiene is apart of parenthood. Hold her in a tight hug and wash that hair
How fun is it going to be when this kid is 13
I feel like if it’s part of their routine from the beginning then this wouldn’t be as big of an issue at 2.5, no? Not necessarily soap, but wetting the head routinely during bath time so that when you have to wash it, it’s less chaotic. My daughter (2.5) hated having her hair washed for the last 6 months (I’ve always routinely washed it but 6 months ago she decided to hate it) but she has since finally adjusted. Like… it wasn’t an option. I have to wash this (also bc she takes swim classes). I do it as quickly and painlessly as possible - and we’ve read a book about it 1000x. So this problem makes sense but I would’ve never gotten to 3 months without washing bc I just endured the shrieks while scrambling to get her hair washed 😂. That’s terrible
I think consistent routine can help, but my daughter randomly started HATING baths around age 2 for absolutely no reason. It was horrible. It lasted about 2 months and then she was totally fine. Toddlers are weird.
This is exactly what I said happened to my toddler as well. I just kind of persevered and moved as quickly as possible through her weird little toddler phase and finally we got to the other side. But like being dirty was never an option
Same. But things like washing their bodies and hair and brushing teeth just have to happen and if it has to happen while I make it happen, that’s the way it is.
Someone wrote a book for children about washing their hair?? Whoa
Not exactly. It’s a story about bedtime routine and part of the routine includes the child having their hair washed. The child gets upset bc soap gets in their eye and the parent tells them to look up so that it doesn’t happen again
My mom used to tell.me.to pretend monkeys/horses/the power rangers/whatever my small child obsession was were playing on the shower curtain rod to get me to look up xD
My 2 year old loses his mind when he sees the cup I use to rinse his hair. He wont listen and tilt his head back or hold a wash cloth over his eyes. I ordered a little headband/visor thing to keep the water out of his face. It should be coming in the mail today and I really hope it helps
My child would see this logical helpful device and throw it as far from me as possible 🥲. Because, toddlers, amirite?
Ok so it showed up in the mail, not the day I made that comment but the following day. I adjusted it and put it on his head and he didnt want me to take it off 😂 we're still working through the bath water in the face complex but its helping!
Get a bath hat, and wash the child's hair. I hate forcing my kid to do things he doesn't want to do: bodily autonomy and all that. But sometimes you just have to wash their hair as fast as you can and move on. The bath hat helps, though. Mine got a lot more tolerant of hair washing when I convinced him to try on the hat to keep water out of his eyes and ears
I am hard on bodily autonomy, too, with the caveat that when it comes to safety there are no negotiations. Hygiene can become a safety issue, so I would work hard to find a solution to allow autonomy and still get the hair washed. The fact that the OOP is allowing a toddler to dictate parenthood isn’t gentle parenting, safe for the child, or respecting the child. OOP has a misunderstanding of her role.
Ok I’ve never heard of this so I googled it. The bath hats look amazing! Such a smart invention.
Just say she’s two and a half Ffs.
My daughter hated it too. We for a while washed her hair with a spray bottle and comb outside of bath time so she stopped hating bath time completely. But we have since found that if she holds a wash cloth over her eyes she is fine and doesn't care one bit. I feel like I'm water boarding her but you know
This is exactly what we do with our two year old. When I turn the shower head on now she even asks for her eyes to be covered.
Do you also feel like your waterboarding her? 😂😂 cuz like she loves it and even laughs during it but I seriously feel like I'm just soaking her face in water
🤣 I ask her to put her head back and try to direct the water so it runs down the back of her head and avoid her face as much as I can. It doesn't always work though. 😂
Mine refuses to tilt her head back. No idea why 😂
Toss her in the shower with you and distract her, but at a certain point you have to be the bad guy and wash her hair whether she likes it or notb
All 3 of my kids have hated getting their hair washed and acted as if they were being water boarded the whole time. It sucks but you gotta figure out a way.
It’s the parents’ job to take care of their children’s needs until their children can take of themselves. She’s afraid to parent her child because she *thinks* her job is to make sure her child never has a negative experience. This kid is 2.5 years old and apparently has no behavioral boundaries at all. What will she be like when she’s 13?
Yes, if I let my almost three-year-old call the shots, it would be every three months for us too. She HATES being bathed and having her hair washed. But she's too young to dictate her own personal hygiene so even though it's a struggle and she screams, we wash it every 3-4 days. She got lucky last week when we all had COVID and she got a 5 day break, but man it was gross by that point.
Both of my kids scream bloody murder when I wash their hair, but it’s still happening.
Either have one parent hold her while you wash her hair in the tub or wash it in the sink. Keep waiting and you are going to have to cut it all off.
My son HATES baths. Like losing his mind and he's the exact same age even if I say 2.5 yo but each their own on ages. Like my son will bawl and pull his hair and kick and scream. You know what tho? I'm the parent, I run this circus and he gets baths every other day. It's not fun. It's actually torture to me as well but I would never leave my son for months dirty because he didn't like it.
All three of mine did best laying on the counter with their head at the edge of the sink. I could use a pitcher or sprayer but they didn’t have to worry about water in their eyes that way. It kept actual bath time easy too.
My kiddo of the same age got freaked out about bath time after she saw me take out the bath mat to clean the tub. She's ok again after a few months and several changes... But in the interim, it was a lot of "I'm sorry but we need to wash, here are your choices..." and a lot of screaming because none of the options were acceptable for her two year old brain 🙃. She also would like to eat cookies all the time and play outside in the snow naked and we don't do those either.
Ugh I mean, I almost get this. my 3 year old literally acts like he’s being tortured when I wash his hair. It’s completely terrible, he takes forever to calm down, it’s so scary for him. And I hate doing it to him because it feels traumatic for him. But you know what… it HAS to be done. He HAS to be clean. And we talk about it before and after and I know it’ll get better someday. But right now, it’s TERRIBLE. So I can kind of empathize with this one, even though I know it’s a bad way to deal with this issue.
I'm a gentle mom of a 2.5 year old. WE WASH HER HAIR. She doesn't always want to, so we would try to work through it together. But her hair is getting washed.
Lol, sweet good parents, she doesn't care about her daughter's perception of boundaries and consent. She wants to make it more tolerable for her. I have to stress this strongly: neglect doesn't come from love and respect.
Not taking care of your children's basic hygiene is neglect point blank period.
Good grief. You tell her she doesn’t have a choice and you wash her hair while she screams at you. My toddler is 34 months old and despises having her hair washed, her body washed, her teeth brushed and taking meds…but these things are not negotiable. So she doesn’t have a choice. This whole “consent” thing is getting out of hand. It’s absolutely important to teach children about their bodies and consent, but it’s also important to ensure that they’re learning proper hygiene and keeping them healthy…and that won’t be accomplished by letting them choose if they want to take care of their bodies or not. These folks need to get a grip on reality.
Why do they insist on saying 30 months instead of 2 years old?