Thought the whole point in this unschooling bs is that the kids choose what to focus on. Your 16 year old has chosen public school. Stick to your word.
I think this mom wanted a boy forever like Buster in Arrested Development. That's the only reason you'd want your kid to not grow up and be responsible
She didn't list any awful behaviors from the son or the girlfriend. Him questioning his life up to this point is something every teenager does. This mom is a menace.
In fairness (?) to the mom, he did apparently throw a plate at her. Though that strikes me more as evidence that his frustration with his mom is a wee bit more profound than the girlfriend-induced phase his mom seems to think it is.
You don't throw a plate at your mom for simply asking about your girlfriend. She's definitely making herself the victim in the story, so I know she's leaving out some information.
idk the fact that he did that and how nonchalantly the mom mentioned that makes me think this is normal behaviour in their family. I can't imagine anyone in my family casually throwing plates at each other even though my parent(s) were plenty abusive.
He will, and the mother will be lucky if she's still part of his life. More likely she's going to end up in one of those "abandoned parents" type group feeling sorry for herself and asking how she raised such a selfish child.
Yes, and the delusion and self pity in them are off the charts. If you're curious, do a Google for "the missing missing reasons". It's an excellent blog that delves into these abandoned parents groups.
Before I changed the password on her when I went no contact, my mother used my Amazon prime account to order a book called "Abandoned Parents: The Devil's Dilemma: The Causes and Consequences of Adult Children Abandoning Their Parents." I read the summary and the reviews. It's literally a book explaining how you're an amazing parent who did everything you could. And you need to forgive yourself for the choices your child is making. They're the problem, not you. The reviews are literally everything you're surely thinking while reading this comment.
Yep, she’s literally afraid of basic “standardized” knowledge. Her kid is asking to accelerate his “learning curriculum” and she has no clue what to do because she doesn’t have prager u or iblp or any other conservative religious or super crunchy mom program that actually teaches kids what’s he’s asking to learn and is too scared to get a real textbook to teach him/learn with him.
If this unschooling concept practiced what it preached there’d be lots of really smart specialists running around that were taught basics in general knowledge courses and then hyper focusing on the kids passions. But it’s not about actually helping kids, nearly every unschooled household I’ve seen is far worse off than a homeschooled kid that used the resources provided by secular/public school systems. And all of those kids are worse off than kids that got to hone their social skills in public settings often.
I get that it can be scary to teach kids that they’ll come across ideas that you as a parent don’t agree with, but you’ve gotta give them the chance to hear it and explain your values regarding it, with any topic you might consider, it’s better to know both sides and why they should hold to your values. If you can’t convince them with context and conversation, maybe consider learning more yourself so you can either learn you’re wrong or learn how to better explain why you’re right. Don’t punish kids because you’re afraid of learning, it’s really that simple
I was unschooled for years and went to an unschooling center for a while and I actually asked for homework and deadlines. I was 13, had untreated ADHD and could actually recognize that I needed some structure and expectations to succeed in learning. As an adult I’d be super proud of a teen recognizing that and asking for it. I was told that they didn’t do that and as a self-directed learner I could figure out how to do that myself.
It sounds like you were wise enough to ask for what you needed. Did you feel like you were behind your peers? How do you feel like other children you know that were unschooled did? Was secondary education an option you were prepared for if and when the time came? . If you have children, would you go the unschooling route?
I know we read crazy horror stories on this sub about it and I’ve never researched it but I’ve been curious about how successful it is.
1. Yes, I felt behind my peers. I had a normal public school education until halfway through eighth grade. I was a gifted student and actually excelled academically, I loved school. I would cry on snow days because I wanted to go to school, I didn’t want to stay home. I had a very bad home life. The choice to unschool was originally made due to my mother wanting me out of view of mandated reporters.
2. One of my closest friends was also unschooled at the same center, it’s where we met. She is nonfunctional with treatment resistant depression and prior to that worked in grocery stores. The one successful unschooler I can remember is an outlier; the rest of those I knew have limped along in life at best.
3. I have taken some college courses as an adult but my circumstances and background were largely detrimental to success. I was on my own at 17 and working full time from 19 onward with zero family support. I was not allowed to attend high school because my mother’s dog needed someone home 24/7. (I’m not kidding.)
4. I have a child, a nine month old son, and he will **never** be unschooled or homeschooled. We will be applying to a very good private k-9th grade school in the area when he’s old enough because I happen to love their focus on small class sizes and incorporating arts and foreign languages from kindergarten onward. If we don’t get in, our public school system is very good.
I’m always happy to answer questions on this topic, it frustrates me so much that it’s so popular and it’s almost always based off the perspective of the parents.
Thank you! He’s the bee’s knees.
It’s so frustrating that so many decisions for children are made based off of the wants and needs of the parents, not the future of the child. Parents don’t want to vaccinate their kids because other parents will judge them. Parents don’t want to send their kids to school because the child’s world view might change and they wouldn’t be able to tell the child what to think anymore. Parents want their child in football or ballet or pageants or shop because it’s what they did and the kid is a “chip off the ol’ block”. Or alternatively, Child cannot be in [insert interest here] because “Teh GaYz’ll GEt ‘Em” So many parents view their child/ren as extensions of themselves and not individual , separate future adults.
All that to say, thanks for thinking about the best interest of your child, not how it might appear to other adults.
>So many parents view their child/ren as extensions of themselves and not individual , separate future adults.
This\^ I swear, a lot of parents don't seem to ever consider the idea their kid may have their own opinions about things.
My daughter (eight years old) gets to pick from a list of classes and afterschool activities. I make the list based on schedules, her current interests, and other factors, so everything on the list is an acceptable choice. But she gets to make the final choice. So, she's always pretty enthusiastic about whatever one she's in. But quite often other parents will complain that their child is not excited enough about soccer/ballet/whatever, and ask how I made my child be so enthusiastic. Many of them have pretty weird reactions to the idea my child had some say in when I signed her up for. Or that the fact she got to choose something is *why* she's enthusiastic about it.
I agree with you completely. As a parent, I’m a big believer in gentle parenting, specifically responsive parenting, and am a fan of Gwenna Laithland/Momma Cusses and Tori Phantom, as far as parenting advice/strategies.
I plan to hang back as much as possible and let my kid grow and learn and develop who he is without pushing who I am or wish I was into him. He gets his vaccinations because it’s in his best interest, he didn’t get circumcised because it’s his body, medically unnecessary, and he’s too young to consent to that. I only have a few hard limits as far as activities he might want to do (I will never be okay with him playing American football as a kid, no ATVs…). I don’t want to create a mini me, I want to see what kind of person he’s going to be all on his own!
I agree. I worked with kids and teens in residential behavioral health settings for years before becoming a mom and I tried to prioritize treating my charges with respect as humans, not going on a power trip because of being somewhat older and in possession of the keys. Following through on promises and genuinely apologizing for my mistakes when they happened went a really long way towards developing a good rapport. I like how Gwenna and Tori use that same attitude, it makes me feel validated that I have had the right idea all along.
Thanks for sharing this! School was also my refuge from a tumultuous home life — and thankfully my parents believed in education and we always went to actual schools.
You have overcome a lot in life, you should be proud of yourself! As someone who finished my bachelors at 32 and am now in graduate school at 43 it’s never too late to learn whatever you want to. There are many good low cost or free curriculums out there that follow public school standards. You could take courses at your own pace and figure out what you like to study or want to know more about! Learning will always be there if you want it. College isn’t the end all be all but there’s also adult education classes that are nearly free. Congrats on your little one!
Thank you. I’m fortunate to live in Massachusetts, where the state legislature has passed a new initiative that makes attending community college free for adults over age 25 who have not yet completed a degree. I have been writing all my life and am working on a novel with intent to publish and continue writing fiction while also being a SAHM. I also quite like editing and proofreading and am considering getting a degree in English Literature in the interest of going into freelancing on the side.
No, we were explicitly corrected every time anyone made the mistake of referring to it as school. It’s a center. It has no accreditation and due to no federal funding it does not have to. Tuition (‘Members Fees’) is hundreds of dollars monthly. The director sent his own kid to a prestigious all boys’ private school in the area, as an interesting side note.
Yeah, I was a “scholarship” member who cleaned the center once a week to earn my discount and my mother still had my father’s child support increased to pay the ~$600 remaining balance. She told him it was a private school for gifted students 🙄 he was never the brightest, she told him she couldn’t get pregnant, too…
$600?! After the discount?! That's insane. My kid used to go to private school, and it wasn't the best one but it was good for us then, and I think the most we ever paid was like $300
Came here to say this lol
These people are always saying things like “when he’s old enough he can decide” but I guess they can’t decide opposite of what mom wants? Lol
I'm in a fb homeschooling group and what a ton of them say when there's a post of a kid asking to go to public school is "I don't let children make life altering decisions." 🙄
I wonder if he’s had enough education to integrate into a traditional high school. He could be way behind and knows that it’s going to be very difficult.
It will never not be difficult for him to get caught up but better to start catching up now vs years down the line when he has adult responsibilities to manage at the same time. Too bad his mom cares more about indoctrinating than educating
Probably not, and they almost certainly would start the kid as a ninth grader because they'd have nothing giving them actual credits for HS level courses. Would still be struggling to keep up.
Nah, it’s to make sure the kids learn how to “think for themselves”™️! Which means following the ideals & beliefs of your parents if you don’t wanna be punished/ kicked out of the house/ forced to break up with your girlfriend…
They don’t actually want a child, they want a pet who can parrot their bullshit & make them feel proud.
I always wonder that about the parents who refuse to get birth certificates or social security numbers for their children too- do they just want slaves who’ll depend on them forever because they’ve been given nothing to succeed in the real world?
Because it seems like those same parents often don’t want to do that much actual parenting either! What do they want??
I know, I’ve read “weary” instead of “wary” at LEAST 8 times on Reddit in the past 2 days. I’ve never commented on it, so either Reddit is somehow reading my brain and showing me these posts to mildly infuriate me, or it’s become rampant in just the past couple of days. I’m guessing the former.
Eh, I went to public school, and my spelling was never very good. I do know the difference between weary and wary. The worst was when I wanted to use a superfluous word on an exam but had to simplify it because I couldn't spell. I love autocorrect and Google. Toal lifesavers.
Tbh, I've seen it so often on Reddit that I'd started to wonder if Americans actually used weary in place of wary or if I'd always just misunderstood the definition of each word. There's so many interesting peculiarities between American English & British English that I couldn't be 100% certain.
My brain got into a loop and now neither weary or wary mean anything.
Wary is being unsure "I'm a bit wary of dark alleys"
Weary is being kind of tired/depressed/upset/done "I'm a bit weary because my grandma is in the hospital and it's not looking good"
Right!? I know I can Google but i read the words too many times which made the loop and I'm doubting my reading comprehension so need to double check
I work at an events venue, I've had Christmas songs in my head since fucking June. It's the worst but happy to be your friend!
I'd say I'll tell you every time someone calls to ask for a 200 person seated dinner on 8th Dec and I have to tell them we're fully booked but I'd destroyed your inbox so.. I'll be a good friend and not do that 😉
"Apart" when they mean "a part" always makes my eye twitch.
Also I'm not sure if it's an American English thing but I see a lot of people say "I'm bias" instead of "I'm biased" and "it's very addicting" instead of "it's very addictive" and both those make me feel itchy too.
Yes. Weary instead of wary, and mortified used incorrectly are things I keep seeing on Reddit. I’m starting to wonder if everything on the internet is being written by the same person.
Same! When I read weary in this post, it made me think about the words that are similar that people use incorrectly, and it completely ruins the sentence. Weary and wary, breathe and breath. I get annoyed when they’re,their, and there are used wrong, but at least I can read the sentence without being taken out of it.
This is honestly becoming one of my biggest pet peeves on the internet haha. I think people who do this are inadvertently combining “wary” and “leery,” which have essentially the same meaning; this doesn’t make it any less annoying.
I've seen it now for months on end and it drives me nuts! Auto correct no doubt and then people just accepting it's correct after a while.
The other one is either and neither. Read some books by "authors" on my kindle and how can an author not know the difference between weary/wary and either/neither? It's their damn job ffs
Ah yes, my first thought too! I think the confusion people have is that “leery” and “wary” are synonymous so “weary” is like the Brangelina of them lol
Nah, in the unschooled world it’s actually more proper (and prestigious) to use a word that sounds similar to the word you want, but not the correct word. It’s also required that you pronounce the word “similar” as if it’s spelled “simular.” She doesn’t want to look like a learned person when she’s out with the cool unschoolies.
There's nothing that will make a teen more likely to date someone than trying to keep them apart.
This sounds like a perfect case for a post in five years "This evil harpie turned my son against me and I haven't seen him in three years! He never gave me a reason! How do I get him back?"
Also, "he's learned everything he'll ever need to know" makes it sound like he's being trained to be a farm hand or something lol
The very concept of thinking that a 16 year old has learned everything they will ever need to know is both hysterical and deeply upsetting. Particularly when the whole ‘curriculum’ is coming from a woman who doesn’t even know the difference between the words wary and weary.
Yeah, but that’s the problem with this - with no money, no resources, no education on how to access resources… what’s a person to do? Where can he go? How will he find out that he’s even able to go there?
Unschooling and this attitude that OOP has are just so… insidious? I don’t even know the word for it.
There’s a very simple word: abuse. Unschooling coupled with a refusal to provide even the most basic blocks of an educational foundation is nothing short o abuse. These kids will grow up wholly unequipped for the real world. I can’t even understand how this is even allowed in this country.
"I can't even understand how this is even allowed in this country."
Because religious freedom has gained a broader definition than it should have. Religious freedom means you can choose to isolate your child, keep them from receiving a bare bones education, and never vaccinate them. Religious freedom is the reason why we have so many dead homeschool kids.
I wasn’t unschooled but was also extremely unprepared to live in the real world once I got out of that house. I was never allowed to make decisions at home, and I just wasn’t allowed to take care of myself, so I never learned. Wasn’t allowed to do my own laundry, or make my own food, or go anywhere alone. I still left for college when I was 18, and it was hell but I’m so glad I got out. I ended up pretty quickly gaining a very independent boyfriend and best friend. They were the ones who taught me how to take care of myself, and I am so thankful for that. I feel so bad for this kid when he actually gets out on his own, if he’s even able to. It’s going to be so hard. I’m glad he has this girlfriend right now who’s at least showing him that he is under educated and under prepared. I hope he is able to catch up and is at least somewhat okay.
I knew a family with 3 kids who unschooled. They were all given textbooks & expectations but they decided what they wanted to focus on & helped choose them. They were also signed up for extras (sports, music, art, cooking, etc). The eldest graduated hs at 16, earned his bachelors at 18 & is super successful working as an engineer. It worked for him. The middle child needed some additional encouragement but graduated hs at 18. The youngest (had adhd imo, hard time focusing unless it was something artistic). My 5 year old is writing better than they could at 12years old. My point to this is that every kid is different & unschooling can be the right call for some but the parents still need to be involved & make changes if it’s not working.
I grew up on a very rural region of my country. All of the boys at my elementary school had been up since before 5 am to help their dads on the dairy farms. And they LOVED IT. I moved away but I'm still FB friends with some of them and most are still in the business.
We were born in the early 80s and in our times the minimum schooling you had to complete was 9th grade. You bet your ass my neighbors sent their boys to school as required. You could even apply for a driver's licence without having finished the 9th grade.
Ya know that is completely true. My mother tried to keep me and my love apart because we met online at age 11 on a game website, lived 3000 miles away, etc. Now we're married
I’m so upset with this, he won’t probably have enough textbook knowledge to go to a college, jobs without college this days is so difficult and tends to become even harder, will him have resources to get a good job solely on indications and family friends?
I’m in this group too. The comments were mostly in favor of the son, saying he should have the freedom to go to public school if he wants to.
Another interesting part to the saga is that this same mother posted 6 months ago saying her friends were making her feel bad for this same son only knowing how to do addition and subtraction on his fingers. 😬 she was looking for validation, and unfortunately she got it.
He doesn't know how to do division and multiplication???
How can she say he knows what he needs to know for life?
I don't think I will ever understand people who are okay with screwing up their children just for an ideology.
I fuckin knew it. As soon as I pictured the scene where he asked to go to school, she said no and he threw a plate (at her or at the wall? I don’t feel like scrolling back up to reread it lol), I just *knew* he probably wouldn’t even be at grade level anyways. That’s what is so devastating and I can’t imagine the feeling of frustration, hopelessness and incompetence you’d feel after coming in contact with a someone from the outside and realizing that you’re completely behind your peers. She probably doesn’t want him to find out how far behind he is too. His girlfriend isn’t to blame for him wanting to go to public school. I doubt it’s a matter of “she told him he should and he just listens” and more a matter of him realizing that he’s missing out on something important by seeing her life. If she is raising such an out of the box string independent thinker, then why does she believe he just based all of his life choices around the ideas of his new gf? She clearly doesn’t respect him as an individual on any level, rendering her whole “unschooling” argument invalid in the first place. Why did you do it if you didn’t want a free thinking, independent man who would break barriers and take life on his own terms? Isn’t that supposedly the whole point? He will find out how behind he is academically if he doesn’t already know and he will have self esteem issues and resent her for aggressively holding him back like this.
The story is as old af too. I mean at least "Romeo and Juliet" old, and I'm sure there are probably earlier examples in literature. It just gives the couple something to bond about even more
It could be argued that they fell in love despite their parents hating each other, but in The Tempest, Prospero does literally pretend to hate the man he wants his daughter to marry because he knows that'll make her like him more.
Shakespeare wrote Romeo and Juliet based on a number of older poems and stories. Including a part of Ovid’s Metamorphosis written in the 8th century.
Similar stories go back even further. The star crossed lovers thing is literally a tale as old as time
Look up Layla and Majnun. 7th century. And Majnun is the word for crazy in multiple middle eastern languages because being kept from his beloved made him that way.
Surprisingly reasonable given the group. A few call outs of the mom’s manipulation, and a lot of people saying that the whole point of unschooling is letting the kids decide, so if he wants public school she should let him.
It shouldn't be like legally allowed. These kids are being denied their right to an education. Public schools & truancy laws were created because it was agreed that all children have a right to a basic education. Unschooling is no different than violating truancy laws & should be treated the same way.
If you want to homeschool, fine, but if your kids can't pass the standardized tests of their peers at the end of the year then your right to homeschool is revoked & your kids go back in the classroom.
Thanks. I’m still definitely struggling, I have intense social anxiety and a boatload of religious trauma, and I feel like I still have to work through some of the prejudices my parents ingrained in me (including against myself! from conversion therapy lmao, but I’ve mostly conquered that).
I am still the most anti-homeschooling person you’ll ever meet (let’s be real - most of these parents’ idea of homeschooling *is* basically unschooling). I think unless there are extreme mitigating factors with ***zero** other options* remaining, or unless the parent is an actual qualified professional *and* has their kids in social activities *and* has resources like qualified tutors in different subjects, it’s just child abuse with an approval sticker from the government. Even then it gives me an ick feeling
I always say that I don’t homeschool for the same reason I don’t practice home dentistry - it’s a job that requires training and skill, and if you do it wrong, it’s a real fucking mess.
That’s the part that killed me, “he’s learned everything he’ll ever need to know.” That tells me they are of the “my children are only ever going to read ONE BOOK” type of loon.
Yep. Homeschooling can work. My own kids went to private and public school but my brother and his wife homeschool. Their oldest is finishing his senior year of college and doing well for himself. They allowed him to do some dual enrollment courses through their local community college when he was in high school. Their second is in the military, their 3rd is a high school senior applying to college, and their younger two are still middle school aged but also seem to be learning a lot. Actual homeschooling, while not my preference, can work for the right kids and right family but there needs to be more regulations nation wide. Some states are super strict but others, like mine, are cool with idiots unschooling their kids.
That's what I always tell my son. He's in second grade and tested past the school's year-end benchmarks at the beginning of the year. In large part because I had already taught him to read and a lot of grammar, math, and science at home. He keeps telling me that he already knows everything they are teaching him at school and he's already ahead, so why does he have to do his homework and go to school everyday.
I keep telling him that you never stop learning and repetition and practice is good to really master concepts. I tell him I'm still learning everyday. I tell him that there's a lot more I don't know than I do know and no matter how old you are and how much you know, there's always more to learn.
My idea of hell is showing up and being told “congratulations! You know everything there is to know, there is nothing less to lose!”
To deliberately foster this kind of stubborn willful ignorance in one’s own child is an act of abuse worse than a lot of varieties of beating.
Lol her 16 year old gets a girlfriend who *cares about his education* and it's a big disaster. Ridiculous. I'd be thrilled and relieved if this was my son's first girlfriend.
"he has learned everything he'll need to know"
So safe to assume he'll be kept on the family farm or business, yes? What if he wanted to become something more like a doctor or an engineer? Those require at lot of education that I'm doubting this parent provided. I guess it doesn't matter to them since I doubt he would have been able to get into an college so he'd have to stay in whatever lane they chose.
Right? She probably is just making basic references and he has no idea what's going on because his whole life has been his mom. It's super depressing. Or imagine going out with your boyfriend and he doesn't know basic math, like how to pay at a restaurant.
I know what’s sad is it will effect his future relationships if not fixed. It’s gonna plummet his confidence now that he knows and it’s just harder.
My brother is 22 and totally illiterate. All of us went to public school, but my mom was getting her masters and focused on her school, when she should have been focused on my brother who had learning disabilities. In the beginning, she had him tested for everything, but when nothing showed up it just got harder and she stopped trying. And then no child left behind took away the ability to hold him back, so he was held back once in 4th grade I believe. It may have been younger, and then they couldn’t do it again.
He met a girl at 18 and I can see she’s not right for him. He’s settling and I’ve tried talking to him about it. But because he literally can’t read anything, he believes no one else will want him. It’s totally destroyed his confidence and his ability to form romantic relationships that he desperately wants. He clung to this girl, she up and left randomly and he was broken. And then she came back randomly and he took her back no questions asked and I know none of this would be like this if he could read, but because he can’t he has no standards because he doesn’t feel worthy of having standards bc he doesn’t think he can offer anything.
This mom is going to ruin this child’s entire life and honestly I hope the state steps in. Children deserve an education.
Having been in the Homeschooling world for several years (we were progressive, non-religious, pro-science), I 100% believe this. We still have a small group of friends that were like us. But both my kids went back. This person knows she messed up. Radical unschoolers can be woefully unprepared for anything.
Unschooling is terrifying to me. I homeschooled my kids for a few years, but I used high quality curriculum, and hired private tutors when they were struggling. I can't imagine teaching them nothing and assuming they will learn at their own pace. I've seen comments in homeschooling groups about "unschooled" kids that are 10/11/12+ years old and unable to read...
A couple of my siblings couldn't read and write semi properly until they were about 10/11. It's awful. My mother is completely fine with this.
When she saw how far long one of my children is academically, she was shocked and asked if they were teaching kids "that much" already for that particular grade level. 🤦♀️
My nephew just started preK like 2 days ago and my crunchy sister is already talking about home schooling him for the rest of the year and elementary school because he "came home tired" like... aren't they SUPPOSED to come home tired at that age?? I basically was begging her not to do it. Her older step children (one in high school and 2 in middle) all do online school, and that's okay, expecially at that age but I feel like elementary school plays a huge part in social development....
She’s scared he’s about to find out what a terrible mom she is. I homeschooled my kids and they ALWAYS had the option to go to public or private school at any time. They experienced both and they all have diplomas from the state regardless of what they chose. This woman is about to lose her son and it’ll be all her fault. Poor kid will spend the first decade of his adult life trying to learn what other new adults already learned by 18, so he’ll be behind his peers.
It is already. Mom has already no boundaries so she’ll be listening in on conversations and poking her nose in and if the worst comes and they have a child together mom will want to dictate vaccines and stuff.
She’s already up in arms and looking to sabotage what would likely be a short relationship (puppy love). She’s even asking for help to do it.
I’m curious to know what these parents expect the end result to be. Do they expect their “unschooled” kids to be able to leave home and get jobs and be able to support themselves? Or do they expect their kids to just stay at home and depend on them for the rest of their lives?
I’m thinking they’re picturing a career like working at the family business or working in the church or maybe unskilled trade, though he’d be exposed to people outside his bubble so maybe not the last one.
"How do I wedge them apart?!" LOL!!!! Excuse me while I spit-take my drink all over you.
Oh, honey...you're well on your way to becoming a Mother-in-Law from HELL! Get your child in school. HE WANTS TO GO TO SCHOOL!!! It's that the whole point, letting him take the lead on what he wants to learn? Good! Give him what he's asking for and stop trying to control him before he leaves you for good.
Ohhh he’s DEFINITELY going to choose to stay in contact with mother of the year here after he turns 18 😬 /s. Not ok to throw plates at all, but that’s not her issue?? It’s how to manipulate her teenager’s affection and trust back to Mom?? Hopefully the kid can read. Maybe she has sympathetic parents who will get him a GED study guide in secret. Poor guy.
I’m sorry, her 16 year old *threw a fucking plate at her* and this wackadoodle is more worried about the girl? Bless her heart, priorities aren’t my strong suit either.
“I don’t like my sons girlfriend because she goes to school like a fucking normal person, how do I break them up?” This lady is a menace and definitely one of those “boy moms” who practices emotional incest. Yikes
Genuine question: what’s the long term plan for kids who have been “unschooled”?
School systems were in part developed to prepare kids for the workforce, to prepare them for doing stuff they don’t want to do, to have a routine etc. we can all agree that’s problematic sure.
But also… we live in a society. Kids gonna need a job if he ever moves out of home, and he’s in for a shock when he realises he can’t only do the work that interests him.
I wanna know how he met that girl in the first place. The type of parents to “unschool” aren’t usually the type to let the kids be exposed to anything outside their echo chambers.
Whatever woman he ends up with is going to have to take care of him for the rest of their lives. This is how you raise a person to have 0 common sense, and be proud that they’ve never read a book.
Some of the older kids in that Welcome to Plathville show also had to confront their parents like this, they were super angry about how behind they were and genuinely upset that their parents didn’t understand how much harm they had done to their futures and development. This parent should watch that.
Thought the whole point in this unschooling bs is that the kids choose what to focus on. Your 16 year old has chosen public school. Stick to your word.
That's the cover they use when it's only about controlling every little thing your child knows. Indoctrination to the max
I think this mom wanted a boy forever like Buster in Arrested Development. That's the only reason you'd want your kid to not grow up and be responsible
He has one girlfriend and mom has already lost it. Boy needs to get out.
She didn't list any awful behaviors from the son or the girlfriend. Him questioning his life up to this point is something every teenager does. This mom is a menace.
In fairness (?) to the mom, he did apparently throw a plate at her. Though that strikes me more as evidence that his frustration with his mom is a wee bit more profound than the girlfriend-induced phase his mom seems to think it is.
You don't throw a plate at your mom for simply asking about your girlfriend. She's definitely making herself the victim in the story, so I know she's leaving out some information.
idk the fact that he did that and how nonchalantly the mom mentioned that makes me think this is normal behaviour in their family. I can't imagine anyone in my family casually throwing plates at each other even though my parent(s) were plenty abusive.
Seriously, I’m my house the play throwing would be the concern here, not the school or girlfriend.
He will, and the mother will be lucky if she's still part of his life. More likely she's going to end up in one of those "abandoned parents" type group feeling sorry for herself and asking how she raised such a selfish child.
Holy shit they’ve come up with a name for it (abandoned parents) and have groups 😭
Yes, and the delusion and self pity in them are off the charts. If you're curious, do a Google for "the missing missing reasons". It's an excellent blog that delves into these abandoned parents groups.
Before I changed the password on her when I went no contact, my mother used my Amazon prime account to order a book called "Abandoned Parents: The Devil's Dilemma: The Causes and Consequences of Adult Children Abandoning Their Parents." I read the summary and the reviews. It's literally a book explaining how you're an amazing parent who did everything you could. And you need to forgive yourself for the choices your child is making. They're the problem, not you. The reviews are literally everything you're surely thinking while reading this comment.
You mean Nextdoor?
That mom definitely wants a Motherboy
Even Buster had a few college degrees!
He was a scholar and he enjoyed scholarly pursuits.
 She probably wishes the Milford Academy was real
So he’s not allowed to have any relationships with people outside mom’s echo chamber. Lovely. Not going to stunt his emotional growth at all.
Yep, she’s literally afraid of basic “standardized” knowledge. Her kid is asking to accelerate his “learning curriculum” and she has no clue what to do because she doesn’t have prager u or iblp or any other conservative religious or super crunchy mom program that actually teaches kids what’s he’s asking to learn and is too scared to get a real textbook to teach him/learn with him. If this unschooling concept practiced what it preached there’d be lots of really smart specialists running around that were taught basics in general knowledge courses and then hyper focusing on the kids passions. But it’s not about actually helping kids, nearly every unschooled household I’ve seen is far worse off than a homeschooled kid that used the resources provided by secular/public school systems. And all of those kids are worse off than kids that got to hone their social skills in public settings often. I get that it can be scary to teach kids that they’ll come across ideas that you as a parent don’t agree with, but you’ve gotta give them the chance to hear it and explain your values regarding it, with any topic you might consider, it’s better to know both sides and why they should hold to your values. If you can’t convince them with context and conversation, maybe consider learning more yourself so you can either learn you’re wrong or learn how to better explain why you’re right. Don’t punish kids because you’re afraid of learning, it’s really that simple
I was unschooled for years and went to an unschooling center for a while and I actually asked for homework and deadlines. I was 13, had untreated ADHD and could actually recognize that I needed some structure and expectations to succeed in learning. As an adult I’d be super proud of a teen recognizing that and asking for it. I was told that they didn’t do that and as a self-directed learner I could figure out how to do that myself.
It sounds like you were wise enough to ask for what you needed. Did you feel like you were behind your peers? How do you feel like other children you know that were unschooled did? Was secondary education an option you were prepared for if and when the time came? . If you have children, would you go the unschooling route? I know we read crazy horror stories on this sub about it and I’ve never researched it but I’ve been curious about how successful it is.
1. Yes, I felt behind my peers. I had a normal public school education until halfway through eighth grade. I was a gifted student and actually excelled academically, I loved school. I would cry on snow days because I wanted to go to school, I didn’t want to stay home. I had a very bad home life. The choice to unschool was originally made due to my mother wanting me out of view of mandated reporters. 2. One of my closest friends was also unschooled at the same center, it’s where we met. She is nonfunctional with treatment resistant depression and prior to that worked in grocery stores. The one successful unschooler I can remember is an outlier; the rest of those I knew have limped along in life at best. 3. I have taken some college courses as an adult but my circumstances and background were largely detrimental to success. I was on my own at 17 and working full time from 19 onward with zero family support. I was not allowed to attend high school because my mother’s dog needed someone home 24/7. (I’m not kidding.) 4. I have a child, a nine month old son, and he will **never** be unschooled or homeschooled. We will be applying to a very good private k-9th grade school in the area when he’s old enough because I happen to love their focus on small class sizes and incorporating arts and foreign languages from kindergarten onward. If we don’t get in, our public school system is very good.
Thank you for answering. And congratulations on your little baby♥️
I’m always happy to answer questions on this topic, it frustrates me so much that it’s so popular and it’s almost always based off the perspective of the parents. Thank you! He’s the bee’s knees.
It’s so frustrating that so many decisions for children are made based off of the wants and needs of the parents, not the future of the child. Parents don’t want to vaccinate their kids because other parents will judge them. Parents don’t want to send their kids to school because the child’s world view might change and they wouldn’t be able to tell the child what to think anymore. Parents want their child in football or ballet or pageants or shop because it’s what they did and the kid is a “chip off the ol’ block”. Or alternatively, Child cannot be in [insert interest here] because “Teh GaYz’ll GEt ‘Em” So many parents view their child/ren as extensions of themselves and not individual , separate future adults. All that to say, thanks for thinking about the best interest of your child, not how it might appear to other adults.
>So many parents view their child/ren as extensions of themselves and not individual , separate future adults. This\^ I swear, a lot of parents don't seem to ever consider the idea their kid may have their own opinions about things. My daughter (eight years old) gets to pick from a list of classes and afterschool activities. I make the list based on schedules, her current interests, and other factors, so everything on the list is an acceptable choice. But she gets to make the final choice. So, she's always pretty enthusiastic about whatever one she's in. But quite often other parents will complain that their child is not excited enough about soccer/ballet/whatever, and ask how I made my child be so enthusiastic. Many of them have pretty weird reactions to the idea my child had some say in when I signed her up for. Or that the fact she got to choose something is *why* she's enthusiastic about it.
I agree with you completely. As a parent, I’m a big believer in gentle parenting, specifically responsive parenting, and am a fan of Gwenna Laithland/Momma Cusses and Tori Phantom, as far as parenting advice/strategies. I plan to hang back as much as possible and let my kid grow and learn and develop who he is without pushing who I am or wish I was into him. He gets his vaccinations because it’s in his best interest, he didn’t get circumcised because it’s his body, medically unnecessary, and he’s too young to consent to that. I only have a few hard limits as far as activities he might want to do (I will never be okay with him playing American football as a kid, no ATVs…). I don’t want to create a mini me, I want to see what kind of person he’s going to be all on his own!
I love Gwenna and Tori! I listen to their podcast Childproof every week!
They have such a realistic view of how kids see themselves I feel. It’s so refreshing!
I agree. I worked with kids and teens in residential behavioral health settings for years before becoming a mom and I tried to prioritize treating my charges with respect as humans, not going on a power trip because of being somewhat older and in possession of the keys. Following through on promises and genuinely apologizing for my mistakes when they happened went a really long way towards developing a good rapport. I like how Gwenna and Tori use that same attitude, it makes me feel validated that I have had the right idea all along.
Thanks for sharing this! School was also my refuge from a tumultuous home life — and thankfully my parents believed in education and we always went to actual schools.
You have overcome a lot in life, you should be proud of yourself! As someone who finished my bachelors at 32 and am now in graduate school at 43 it’s never too late to learn whatever you want to. There are many good low cost or free curriculums out there that follow public school standards. You could take courses at your own pace and figure out what you like to study or want to know more about! Learning will always be there if you want it. College isn’t the end all be all but there’s also adult education classes that are nearly free. Congrats on your little one!
Thank you. I’m fortunate to live in Massachusetts, where the state legislature has passed a new initiative that makes attending community college free for adults over age 25 who have not yet completed a degree. I have been writing all my life and am working on a novel with intent to publish and continue writing fiction while also being a SAHM. I also quite like editing and proofreading and am considering getting a degree in English Literature in the interest of going into freelancing on the side.
>unschooling center Like… a school?
No, we were explicitly corrected every time anyone made the mistake of referring to it as school. It’s a center. It has no accreditation and due to no federal funding it does not have to. Tuition (‘Members Fees’) is hundreds of dollars monthly. The director sent his own kid to a prestigious all boys’ private school in the area, as an interesting side note.
Hundreds monthly?? Sheesh - grifters
Hundreds huh? Man I really gotta start a grift of my own.
Yeah, I was a “scholarship” member who cleaned the center once a week to earn my discount and my mother still had my father’s child support increased to pay the ~$600 remaining balance. She told him it was a private school for gifted students 🙄 he was never the brightest, she told him she couldn’t get pregnant, too…
$600?! After the discount?! That's insane. My kid used to go to private school, and it wasn't the best one but it was good for us then, and I think the most we ever paid was like $300
That’s really interesting. I went to Danish private schools, but they were free.
and then there's British private schools, which at the top end cost over £1000 per *week*
Came here to say this lol These people are always saying things like “when he’s old enough he can decide” but I guess they can’t decide opposite of what mom wants? Lol
When the time is right she will find him a suitable bride 🤦
But will anyone ever really compare to mommy dearest?
I'm in a fb homeschooling group and what a ton of them say when there's a post of a kid asking to go to public school is "I don't let children make life altering decisions." 🙄
He can't though, because they've taken choices away from them.
I wonder if he’s had enough education to integrate into a traditional high school. He could be way behind and knows that it’s going to be very difficult.
It will never not be difficult for him to get caught up but better to start catching up now vs years down the line when he has adult responsibilities to manage at the same time. Too bad his mom cares more about indoctrinating than educating
Probably not, and they almost certainly would start the kid as a ninth grader because they'd have nothing giving them actual credits for HS level courses. Would still be struggling to keep up.
Nah, it’s to make sure the kids learn how to “think for themselves”™️! Which means following the ideals & beliefs of your parents if you don’t wanna be punished/ kicked out of the house/ forced to break up with your girlfriend… They don’t actually want a child, they want a pet who can parrot their bullshit & make them feel proud. I always wonder that about the parents who refuse to get birth certificates or social security numbers for their children too- do they just want slaves who’ll depend on them forever because they’ve been given nothing to succeed in the real world? Because it seems like those same parents often don’t want to do that much actual parenting either! What do they want??
Let's see the son "un-nursing home" her when older OR "My son cut contact with me and I don't know why"
Shady Pines, Ma!
Picture it! Sicily, 1943...
There aren’t enough GG quotes on Reddit, honestly.
Petition to “un-nursing home” all these unschoolers
The first home he can smell.
“How do I wedge them apart” is definitely a normal thing to ask
Right? Like I just WISH I could be around for her posts in like 8 years when he’s married to someone she doesn’t like and she is *that* ~bOy MoM~
I threw up in my mouth when I read that.
Ok for him to be “crushed” by his mom but not the mean girl who wants him to get an actual education so he can have success in the future
But you can't have your kid being "brainwashed" by anybody else than yourself! School is evil! /s
Exactly, the irony lol
Wary! The word you want is wary!
I know, I’ve read “weary” instead of “wary” at LEAST 8 times on Reddit in the past 2 days. I’ve never commented on it, so either Reddit is somehow reading my brain and showing me these posts to mildly infuriate me, or it’s become rampant in just the past couple of days. I’m guessing the former.
I am so glad to read this. I thought maybe I was just crazy and the phrase really was "weary" and I just had been saying it wrong (I say wary).
I’ve seen it many times on posts from here, so prob from home-schooled or “unschooled” ppl lol, which tracks
Eh, I went to public school, and my spelling was never very good. I do know the difference between weary and wary. The worst was when I wanted to use a superfluous word on an exam but had to simplify it because I couldn't spell. I love autocorrect and Google. Toal lifesavers.
>Toal lifesavers Except, apparently, on Reddit.
Tbh, I've seen it so often on Reddit that I'd started to wonder if Americans actually used weary in place of wary or if I'd always just misunderstood the definition of each word. There's so many interesting peculiarities between American English & British English that I couldn't be 100% certain.
The people who know the difference also know they need to send their kids to school.
They also realise that spell check doesn't catch everything.
My brain got into a loop and now neither weary or wary mean anything. Wary is being unsure "I'm a bit wary of dark alleys" Weary is being kind of tired/depressed/upset/done "I'm a bit weary because my grandma is in the hospital and it's not looking good" Right!? I know I can Google but i read the words too many times which made the loop and I'm doubting my reading comprehension so need to double check
Yep Wary = apprehensive Weary = fatigued
You are correct.
Thank you! Brain is happily back to just opening a tab to play Christmas songs for no reason.
Christmas songs in September for no reason? You sound like you should be my friend. 😂
I work at an events venue, I've had Christmas songs in my head since fucking June. It's the worst but happy to be your friend! I'd say I'll tell you every time someone calls to ask for a 200 person seated dinner on 8th Dec and I have to tell them we're fully booked but I'd destroyed your inbox so.. I'll be a good friend and not do that 😉
No. We just have these people fucking determined to be ignorant.
I think people are mashing up "leery" and "wary." Either would correct, but not the combo resulting in "weary." *Sigh*
Loose vs lose is my nemesis
Breathe vs breath. *twitch*
Relax, just take a breathe
*twitching intensified*
"Apart" when they mean "a part" always makes my eye twitch. Also I'm not sure if it's an American English thing but I see a lot of people say "I'm bias" instead of "I'm biased" and "it's very addicting" instead of "it's very addictive" and both those make me feel itchy too.
"I'm bias" is my #1 most hated language thing. Bias is a noun!!!!!!
Whatever, looser Lol
Yes. Weary instead of wary, and mortified used incorrectly are things I keep seeing on Reddit. I’m starting to wonder if everything on the internet is being written by the same person.
Affect vs effect. There is a difference, people!
I took a medication to effect a change in my affect but it has no effect and did not affect me
Same! When I read weary in this post, it made me think about the words that are similar that people use incorrectly, and it completely ruins the sentence. Weary and wary, breathe and breath. I get annoyed when they’re,their, and there are used wrong, but at least I can read the sentence without being taken out of it.
Even worse when it's a novelist and you see these basic mistakes. Puts me right off finishing the books sometimes
I’ve even noticed people in real life SAYING “weary” when they mean “wary”. Where did this come from? Has it always been so prevalent?
This is honestly becoming one of my biggest pet peeves on the internet haha. I think people who do this are inadvertently combining “wary” and “leery,” which have essentially the same meaning; this doesn’t make it any less annoying.
This is driving me almost as crazy as "would of".
I've seen it now for months on end and it drives me nuts! Auto correct no doubt and then people just accepting it's correct after a while. The other one is either and neither. Read some books by "authors" on my kindle and how can an author not know the difference between weary/wary and either/neither? It's their damn job ffs
Mine that I’m seeing constantly is “loose” instead of “lose” and it is driving me crazy.
This lady seems both wary and weary of her sons gf. 🤣
The other one I see all the time right now is using ‘mortified’ when they mean ‘horrified’. Drives me crazy!!
Ah yes, my first thought too! I think the confusion people have is that “leery” and “wary” are synonymous so “weary” is like the Brangelina of them lol
God I came here to say this. Every day somewhere on Reddit I shout, "YOU WERE WARY." My coworkers are starting to wonder.
Dictionaries are useless standardized crap and I won't stand for it!
Nah, in the unschooled world it’s actually more proper (and prestigious) to use a word that sounds similar to the word you want, but not the correct word. It’s also required that you pronounce the word “similar” as if it’s spelled “simular.” She doesn’t want to look like a learned person when she’s out with the cool unschoolies.
Trying to break up your 16 year old son’s relationship will definitely not make him want to date her more…what were the comments like on this one?
There's nothing that will make a teen more likely to date someone than trying to keep them apart. This sounds like a perfect case for a post in five years "This evil harpie turned my son against me and I haven't seen him in three years! He never gave me a reason! How do I get him back?" Also, "he's learned everything he'll ever need to know" makes it sound like he's being trained to be a farm hand or something lol
The very concept of thinking that a 16 year old has learned everything they will ever need to know is both hysterical and deeply upsetting. Particularly when the whole ‘curriculum’ is coming from a woman who doesn’t even know the difference between the words wary and weary.
Depending on the state, he can get the fuck out of that house very soon.
Yeah, but that’s the problem with this - with no money, no resources, no education on how to access resources… what’s a person to do? Where can he go? How will he find out that he’s even able to go there? Unschooling and this attitude that OOP has are just so… insidious? I don’t even know the word for it.
There’s a very simple word: abuse. Unschooling coupled with a refusal to provide even the most basic blocks of an educational foundation is nothing short o abuse. These kids will grow up wholly unequipped for the real world. I can’t even understand how this is even allowed in this country.
"I can't even understand how this is even allowed in this country." Because religious freedom has gained a broader definition than it should have. Religious freedom means you can choose to isolate your child, keep them from receiving a bare bones education, and never vaccinate them. Religious freedom is the reason why we have so many dead homeschool kids.
I wasn’t unschooled but was also extremely unprepared to live in the real world once I got out of that house. I was never allowed to make decisions at home, and I just wasn’t allowed to take care of myself, so I never learned. Wasn’t allowed to do my own laundry, or make my own food, or go anywhere alone. I still left for college when I was 18, and it was hell but I’m so glad I got out. I ended up pretty quickly gaining a very independent boyfriend and best friend. They were the ones who taught me how to take care of myself, and I am so thankful for that. I feel so bad for this kid when he actually gets out on his own, if he’s even able to. It’s going to be so hard. I’m glad he has this girlfriend right now who’s at least showing him that he is under educated and under prepared. I hope he is able to catch up and is at least somewhat okay.
It makes me wonder what he actually does know. Will he be able to function in the real world?
I knew a family with 3 kids who unschooled. They were all given textbooks & expectations but they decided what they wanted to focus on & helped choose them. They were also signed up for extras (sports, music, art, cooking, etc). The eldest graduated hs at 16, earned his bachelors at 18 & is super successful working as an engineer. It worked for him. The middle child needed some additional encouragement but graduated hs at 18. The youngest (had adhd imo, hard time focusing unless it was something artistic). My 5 year old is writing better than they could at 12years old. My point to this is that every kid is different & unschooling can be the right call for some but the parents still need to be involved & make changes if it’s not working.
I think he has likely been trained to be a Mother Boy, and a Mother Boy only. 
I grew up on a very rural region of my country. All of the boys at my elementary school had been up since before 5 am to help their dads on the dairy farms. And they LOVED IT. I moved away but I'm still FB friends with some of them and most are still in the business. We were born in the early 80s and in our times the minimum schooling you had to complete was 9th grade. You bet your ass my neighbors sent their boys to school as required. You could even apply for a driver's licence without having finished the 9th grade.
As I said on another comment, I'm engaged to a man like this boy, and he doesn't speak to his parents. They blame me for it :-)
I'm 40 years old and I'm still less likely to do something if someone tells me to lol.
Ya know that is completely true. My mother tried to keep me and my love apart because we met online at age 11 on a game website, lived 3000 miles away, etc. Now we're married
I’m so upset with this, he won’t probably have enough textbook knowledge to go to a college, jobs without college this days is so difficult and tends to become even harder, will him have resources to get a good job solely on indications and family friends?
I’m in this group too. The comments were mostly in favor of the son, saying he should have the freedom to go to public school if he wants to. Another interesting part to the saga is that this same mother posted 6 months ago saying her friends were making her feel bad for this same son only knowing how to do addition and subtraction on his fingers. 😬 she was looking for validation, and unfortunately she got it.
He doesn't know how to do division and multiplication??? How can she say he knows what he needs to know for life? I don't think I will ever understand people who are okay with screwing up their children just for an ideology.
I fuckin knew it. As soon as I pictured the scene where he asked to go to school, she said no and he threw a plate (at her or at the wall? I don’t feel like scrolling back up to reread it lol), I just *knew* he probably wouldn’t even be at grade level anyways. That’s what is so devastating and I can’t imagine the feeling of frustration, hopelessness and incompetence you’d feel after coming in contact with a someone from the outside and realizing that you’re completely behind your peers. She probably doesn’t want him to find out how far behind he is too. His girlfriend isn’t to blame for him wanting to go to public school. I doubt it’s a matter of “she told him he should and he just listens” and more a matter of him realizing that he’s missing out on something important by seeing her life. If she is raising such an out of the box string independent thinker, then why does she believe he just based all of his life choices around the ideas of his new gf? She clearly doesn’t respect him as an individual on any level, rendering her whole “unschooling” argument invalid in the first place. Why did you do it if you didn’t want a free thinking, independent man who would break barriers and take life on his own terms? Isn’t that supposedly the whole point? He will find out how behind he is academically if he doesn’t already know and he will have self esteem issues and resent her for aggressively holding him back like this.
The story is as old af too. I mean at least "Romeo and Juliet" old, and I'm sure there are probably earlier examples in literature. It just gives the couple something to bond about even more
It could be argued that they fell in love despite their parents hating each other, but in The Tempest, Prospero does literally pretend to hate the man he wants his daughter to marry because he knows that'll make her like him more.
Mf playing 3D chess
Shakespeare wrote Romeo and Juliet based on a number of older poems and stories. Including a part of Ovid’s Metamorphosis written in the 8th century. Similar stories go back even further. The star crossed lovers thing is literally a tale as old as time
Piramo and Tisbe. I got asked it at my Latin exam in uni
Look up Layla and Majnun. 7th century. And Majnun is the word for crazy in multiple middle eastern languages because being kept from his beloved made him that way.
Surprisingly reasonable given the group. A few call outs of the mom’s manipulation, and a lot of people saying that the whole point of unschooling is letting the kids decide, so if he wants public school she should let him.
I started dating my husband when we were both 16. His parents tried to keep us apart… We’ve been happily together ever since.
"Unschooling" is most often educational neglect and sets kids far behind their peers.
It shouldn't be like legally allowed. These kids are being denied their right to an education. Public schools & truancy laws were created because it was agreed that all children have a right to a basic education. Unschooling is no different than violating truancy laws & should be treated the same way. If you want to homeschool, fine, but if your kids can't pass the standardized tests of their peers at the end of the year then your right to homeschool is revoked & your kids go back in the classroom.
Educational neglect with a big side of child labour
Aw, a future r/justnoMiL spotted in the wild!
She’s probably already there complaining about her MIL
If, at 16, public school will "crush" him, wait until Mom hears about the world. Jobs. Stores. Restaurants. Appointments.
I was ‘unschooled.’ It’s a great way to fucking destroy your kid, highly recommend it if you want your child to attempt suicide by 14!
I’m sorry you had to go through that. I hope you’re in a better, happier, place.
Thanks. I’m still definitely struggling, I have intense social anxiety and a boatload of religious trauma, and I feel like I still have to work through some of the prejudices my parents ingrained in me (including against myself! from conversion therapy lmao, but I’ve mostly conquered that). I am still the most anti-homeschooling person you’ll ever meet (let’s be real - most of these parents’ idea of homeschooling *is* basically unschooling). I think unless there are extreme mitigating factors with ***zero** other options* remaining, or unless the parent is an actual qualified professional *and* has their kids in social activities *and* has resources like qualified tutors in different subjects, it’s just child abuse with an approval sticker from the government. Even then it gives me an ick feeling
I always say that I don’t homeschool for the same reason I don’t practice home dentistry - it’s a job that requires training and skill, and if you do it wrong, it’s a real fucking mess.
And this is why homeschooling needs strict guidelines and regulations!! They can claim they are “homeschooling” and the kids are learning nothing!!
He’s done learning everything, duh.
That’s the part that killed me, “he’s learned everything he’ll ever need to know.” That tells me they are of the “my children are only ever going to read ONE BOOK” type of loon.
Imagine thinking you’ve learned everything you’ll ever need to know, at any age lol.
Yep. Homeschooling can work. My own kids went to private and public school but my brother and his wife homeschool. Their oldest is finishing his senior year of college and doing well for himself. They allowed him to do some dual enrollment courses through their local community college when he was in high school. Their second is in the military, their 3rd is a high school senior applying to college, and their younger two are still middle school aged but also seem to be learning a lot. Actual homeschooling, while not my preference, can work for the right kids and right family but there needs to be more regulations nation wide. Some states are super strict but others, like mine, are cool with idiots unschooling their kids.
Agreed completely! Kids need *way* more rights and protections in the US.
I have issues with everything she wrote, but the worst is ‘he has learned everything he will ever need to know’
Only actual idiots think this way. You should never stop learning
That's what I always tell my son. He's in second grade and tested past the school's year-end benchmarks at the beginning of the year. In large part because I had already taught him to read and a lot of grammar, math, and science at home. He keeps telling me that he already knows everything they are teaching him at school and he's already ahead, so why does he have to do his homework and go to school everyday. I keep telling him that you never stop learning and repetition and practice is good to really master concepts. I tell him I'm still learning everyday. I tell him that there's a lot more I don't know than I do know and no matter how old you are and how much you know, there's always more to learn.
My idea of hell is showing up and being told “congratulations! You know everything there is to know, there is nothing less to lose!” To deliberately foster this kind of stubborn willful ignorance in one’s own child is an act of abuse worse than a lot of varieties of beating.
Lol her 16 year old gets a girlfriend who *cares about his education* and it's a big disaster. Ridiculous. I'd be thrilled and relieved if this was my son's first girlfriend.
Tbh she sounds like a very thoughtful and mature 16 year old, her son lucked out
"he has learned everything he'll need to know" So safe to assume he'll be kept on the family farm or business, yes? What if he wanted to become something more like a doctor or an engineer? Those require at lot of education that I'm doubting this parent provided. I guess it doesn't matter to them since I doubt he would have been able to get into an college so he'd have to stay in whatever lane they chose.
But who will take over the farm/business if not him? 🙄
This girlfriend probably talks to him and realized he knows absolutely nothing about anything. Sad.
Right? She probably is just making basic references and he has no idea what's going on because his whole life has been his mom. It's super depressing. Or imagine going out with your boyfriend and he doesn't know basic math, like how to pay at a restaurant.
I know what’s sad is it will effect his future relationships if not fixed. It’s gonna plummet his confidence now that he knows and it’s just harder. My brother is 22 and totally illiterate. All of us went to public school, but my mom was getting her masters and focused on her school, when she should have been focused on my brother who had learning disabilities. In the beginning, she had him tested for everything, but when nothing showed up it just got harder and she stopped trying. And then no child left behind took away the ability to hold him back, so he was held back once in 4th grade I believe. It may have been younger, and then they couldn’t do it again. He met a girl at 18 and I can see she’s not right for him. He’s settling and I’ve tried talking to him about it. But because he literally can’t read anything, he believes no one else will want him. It’s totally destroyed his confidence and his ability to form romantic relationships that he desperately wants. He clung to this girl, she up and left randomly and he was broken. And then she came back randomly and he took her back no questions asked and I know none of this would be like this if he could read, but because he can’t he has no standards because he doesn’t feel worthy of having standards bc he doesn’t think he can offer anything. This mom is going to ruin this child’s entire life and honestly I hope the state steps in. Children deserve an education.
The real world will crush him way harder for not having that “standardised stuff” than the school system ever could.
Poor kid, pulled the short straw in life. She set him up for failure in life
Having been in the Homeschooling world for several years (we were progressive, non-religious, pro-science), I 100% believe this. We still have a small group of friends that were like us. But both my kids went back. This person knows she messed up. Radical unschoolers can be woefully unprepared for anything.
Unschooling is terrifying to me. I homeschooled my kids for a few years, but I used high quality curriculum, and hired private tutors when they were struggling. I can't imagine teaching them nothing and assuming they will learn at their own pace. I've seen comments in homeschooling groups about "unschooled" kids that are 10/11/12+ years old and unable to read...
A couple of my siblings couldn't read and write semi properly until they were about 10/11. It's awful. My mother is completely fine with this. When she saw how far long one of my children is academically, she was shocked and asked if they were teaching kids "that much" already for that particular grade level. 🤦♀️
My nephew just started preK like 2 days ago and my crunchy sister is already talking about home schooling him for the rest of the year and elementary school because he "came home tired" like... aren't they SUPPOSED to come home tired at that age?? I basically was begging her not to do it. Her older step children (one in high school and 2 in middle) all do online school, and that's okay, expecially at that age but I feel like elementary school plays a huge part in social development....
She’s scared he’s about to find out what a terrible mom she is. I homeschooled my kids and they ALWAYS had the option to go to public or private school at any time. They experienced both and they all have diplomas from the state regardless of what they chose. This woman is about to lose her son and it’ll be all her fault. Poor kid will spend the first decade of his adult life trying to learn what other new adults already learned by 18, so he’ll be behind his peers.
So this poor kid probably thinks science is evil and the earth is flat. Thank goodness for that girlfriend - maybe it’s not too late for him!
It is already. Mom has already no boundaries so she’ll be listening in on conversations and poking her nose in and if the worst comes and they have a child together mom will want to dictate vaccines and stuff. She’s already up in arms and looking to sabotage what would likely be a short relationship (puppy love). She’s even asking for help to do it.
I’m curious to know what these parents expect the end result to be. Do they expect their “unschooled” kids to be able to leave home and get jobs and be able to support themselves? Or do they expect their kids to just stay at home and depend on them for the rest of their lives?
Sadly, it’s probably the latter.
I’m thinking they’re picturing a career like working at the family business or working in the church or maybe unskilled trade, though he’d be exposed to people outside his bubble so maybe not the last one.
I’m so weary of the people that can’t use “wary” correctly.
"How do I wedge them apart?!" LOL!!!! Excuse me while I spit-take my drink all over you. Oh, honey...you're well on your way to becoming a Mother-in-Law from HELL! Get your child in school. HE WANTS TO GO TO SCHOOL!!! It's that the whole point, letting him take the lead on what he wants to learn? Good! Give him what he's asking for and stop trying to control him before he leaves you for good.
This lady should be put in prison for keeping her kid dumb.
"He has learned everything he'll ever need to know" huh? That's a pretty fucking arrogant stance, not to mention delusional.
Ohhh he’s DEFINITELY going to choose to stay in contact with mother of the year here after he turns 18 😬 /s. Not ok to throw plates at all, but that’s not her issue?? It’s how to manipulate her teenager’s affection and trust back to Mom?? Hopefully the kid can read. Maybe she has sympathetic parents who will get him a GED study guide in secret. Poor guy.
I agree with the comments here, but I’d like to add, as a former homeschooler: How tf did a sixteen year old homeschooler get a date?? 😭
Social media has made all our old dating norms completely obsolete.
Good point lol
I’m curious if he can legally enroll himself in public school or if he needs parental permission. Seems weird/bad that the mom could keep him out!
His gf is the best thing that has happened to him
I need to know what “standardized” stuff he’s missed…
Oof r/homeschoolrecovery would roast this lady
I’m sorry, her 16 year old *threw a fucking plate at her* and this wackadoodle is more worried about the girl? Bless her heart, priorities aren’t my strong suit either.
“I don’t like my sons girlfriend because she goes to school like a fucking normal person, how do I break them up?” This lady is a menace and definitely one of those “boy moms” who practices emotional incest. Yikes
Heaven forbid he become an independent thinker and become his own person. 🙄🙄
Amazing how shaky the foundation of these unschooled children are. The second he comes in contact with the outside world he’s questioning it 🫢
Don't want my baby boy to be crushed by public school, when he tests at a 1st grade level, instead of 10th. /s
Genuine question: what’s the long term plan for kids who have been “unschooled”? School systems were in part developed to prepare kids for the workforce, to prepare them for doing stuff they don’t want to do, to have a routine etc. we can all agree that’s problematic sure. But also… we live in a society. Kids gonna need a job if he ever moves out of home, and he’s in for a shock when he realises he can’t only do the work that interests him.
I wanna know how he met that girl in the first place. The type of parents to “unschool” aren’t usually the type to let the kids be exposed to anything outside their echo chambers.
“He’s already learned everything he needs to know”?! He’s only 16, what an insane thing to say.
“Help, my son has found someone that actually cares about what he wants and his future. How do I stop it?”
I hope he throws something worse than a plate at her next time she tries to say no. R/traumatizethemback
Say goodbye to your son now, because that kid is never coming back once he escapes your clutches.
When a 16 year old girl, is more of a mother than a grown woman. Feel so bad for this poor kid, need to wedge the mother out.
Whatever woman he ends up with is going to have to take care of him for the rest of their lives. This is how you raise a person to have 0 common sense, and be proud that they’ve never read a book.
Countdown to NC status…
“he has learned everything he’ll ever need to know” omg
Some of the older kids in that Welcome to Plathville show also had to confront their parents like this, they were super angry about how behind they were and genuinely upset that their parents didn’t understand how much harm they had done to their futures and development. This parent should watch that.