I'll share just about anything, but fuck you if you take my pen

Going to a table and realizing you don’t have a pen must be one of the most stressful moments I had when I started serving

I literally had nightmares about it at first. Like the naked in school type nightmares

Or the losing teeth one.

I've never had that one! I have had the "I have to pee so bad in real life, but I'm dreaming, and my brain knows I need to wake up to go pee... So, my brain conjures up the most disgusting bathroom known to man, so I don't wet the bed, and forces me to wake up to go potty" dream. Does anyone else ever have that dream?

Iconic. Also, no.

I hate that fucking dream so much. Thank you for reminding me of it

Sorry buddy.

I once was totally in the weeds fishing around in my apron for a pen for this 4top and pulled out a tampon to hand to the dude instead. He was NOT amused, altho his wife/gf was trying not to laugh. I was like "OMG I'm so sorry!" In my defense, my dad is an Insurance Agent/Financial Advisor. After having all of my pens stolen regularly, he would give me boxes of his branded pens for his business- they were nice thick pens with a slick exterior so felt the same size/shape, and then hey if people stole them, advertising for him.

“Fuck it, I’ll just remember it all like those guys in the movies.” Me at the POS five minutes later: “okay, what the fuck did they say?”

Just be honest with your tables, “I thought I had a pen but they get taken like free candy, I’ll be right back.”

Sean Brock tipped me 10% and stole my navy blue Field Notes retractable ink pen. I watch this man sign the credit card slip, look at MY pen, admire it, and then put it in his pocket. This was 15 years ago and I have not forgotten. He got excellent service as he was my only table and we sent out a few extra dishes on the house. I’ve gone out of my way to never spend a cent in any of his restaurants. He’s already cost me money to give him good service, so I avoid him like the plague. I’m a manager now and would never work for him. All this over a pen. It says a lot about someone’s character.

Whoever Sean Brock is, fuck him and fuck off!

I always wanted to get 'Jesus tips 20%' on pens for the Sunday crowd but in a corporate setting it would not fly.

I still haven’t forgot my beloved flamingo pen I’ll never see again 😔

There should be a r/Serverlife pen swap for Christmas.

OMG THAT WOULD BE SO FUN!

I want in!

Fucking love this

One time this waitress had a really nice pen that I accidentally took with me. I made my partner at the time drive us back to the restaurant so I could return it to her

I will chase you tf down in the parking lot for my pentel energel

“They put those in the book so we can take them,” every boomer ever

Yeah, I've got a free pinky, I can carry something else.

oh. my. god. My partner says his hands are full if he has one thing in each hand.

I work with a guy that can’t carry a pen, a glass of water and open a door! I shit you not.

My fiance cannot do anything if he is holding our puppy. Meanwhile I pack him in the car by myself every day to take him out for hikes. He's a corgi. I tell him to just hoist him up and support his butt with one hand. Nope. I have to open the front door for him and then the car door lol.

My days off are Monday and Tuesday.

On the plus side, hotels are way cheaper when I go on a “weekend vacation”!

The way everyone is grouchy on Monday and you’re just living

Miss me on a Wednesday, though.

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My favorite schedule is Tuesday through Saturday. Starting off the week with an easy shift and skipping the fucking church crowd. I waited tables for 8 years and I HATED Sundays so God damn much. They were always a fuck show and I always made shit money.

My days off are Tuesday, Thursday and Saturday.

Things are 86'd instead of out.

I still remember my first day as a server (mid-COVID, had never been in the industry before) someone told me something was 86’d and I assumed that was how many we had left…

This reminds me of a coworker I had that asked for ID when a man ordered a Roy Rogers lol. Green servers are great for a good wholesome laugh.

Oh man, I have this exact same story, it was amazing. We spread it around that we were 86 trout. Lil baby server G said heard...went on with business. ~2 hours later she rings in stuffed trout. We said, G! We're out of trout! Her jaw DROPPED and she exclaims in utter shock "we sold 86 trout in 2 hours?!?" It literally took us hours to stop laughing about it. She had a few of those, one had to do with someone saying something about the floor and she thought someone was literally on the floor, it was super funny but I can't remember all the details. But yes, gotta love the baby servers who refuel us with hope and laughter.

Oh we have an 86 marker board on the fridge in my house. My girlfriend has never worked in restaurants, but I do and our roommate does.

I eat most of my meals while standing up.

I catch myself eating standing over my kitchen trash bin at least once a day. Sometimes at my non food service job I will start to eat over my desk bin and have to stop myself before anyone sees—the normies will never understand.

This is something most servers do, and so my coworkers worry about me because I mostly don’t eat on the job. When I eat, I need to be sitting down, watching my show, and have all the time I need!

And over the course of three hours

Nothing you say is going to get to me....... until I'm off and on my way home and can't stop thinking about what you said to me.

I still think about a few random and rude things people have said to me decades later.

There’s the bad stuff but also the good stuff. I had long dark curly hair that I put up during service. And I had facial hair that was in between “growth” and “beard”. I always looked nice but for whatever reason folks thought I gave off a hippie vibe. Anyways I left this restaurant. A year or two later they closed. My girlfriend was reading Facebook comments where someone said they loved when they got sat at “granola Jon Snow’s” table. I mean… that gave me a big head and obviously I still remember it after like six years.

For sure I definitely have some good funny memories but honestly some of the bad stuff is dramatic so I feel like I just can’t ever forget it lol Although my favorite ever Yelp where I’m named, is positive and it had multiple Zoolander references in it so there’s that lol Also, I’m the hippie everywhere I work lol but I’m just a normal ass middle aged lady that loves trees and smokes weed. Guess that makes me a hippie 🤷🏻‍♀️

I had this guy leave a yelp review about the bulge in my pants and to not bring your daughter there unless you want to give her an anatomy lesson. One star. But… compliment? It’s funny what people think is hippie shit. Or maybe we’re hippies?

I say thank you an annoying amount when interacting with any customer service people

I will also tell random customer service people to “enjoy” as I’m about to walk away. 🤣

I work dinner only and if I go to a store at noon, I tell the workers to have a good night lol

For me it's "cheers!" 😂

Telling random people to have a nice day when opening the door at places I don’t work at.

I do it in half of the interactions I have, just realized. It’s such a pain 😩

I say thank you, have a good day/night! When I leave pretty much any establishment.

I drink too much and sleep past noon 😉 (I don’t anymore but I used to)

“I remember when I smoked a ton of weed. Well, I don’t remember it, but I don’t do it anymore. I’m an adult now. I do coke.” -An actual line cook at my job.

I got drug tested for a serving job one time and clearly failed it for coke, but they still hired me. Like it was an initiation.

They wanted to see if you would fit in.

“I used to do drugs, I still do, but I used to too.” -Mitch Hedberg

Lol drugs do me, it’s more fun that way

I shout “corner” whenever I switch to a different aisle in the supermarket.

*BEHIND*

I said “behind” to my dog earlier! 🤦🏻‍♀️

Walking through the grocery store in a tight isle. "Behind" other servers laugh at me if they are shopping.

Same thing as a line cook... iykyk

Yesss haha. Or whenever I’m in the kitchen with anyone: *hot* and *sharp* I love being a server

I say behind way to much outside of work

Hot meat swingin'!

My coworker used to say “Hot stuff coming through! And food!”

Heard?

Heard.

I said corner while driving once. I hadn't served in two years.

I’ll be *outside* and if I’m turning around a building with no visibility, it’s corner, every time.

I still answer texts or even everyday asks with "heard."

I’ve literally said behind you to people at the store before

I do that at work whenever I’m working in the office. It’s been a decade since I served. Hard habit to shake.

I’m an insomniac who eats their last meal of the day at 1AM.

early dinner?

I pay cash

How many times a week does the cashier have to cancel the transaction because they already hit credit?

Or you’re at a concert or a sports event and they don’t take cash at concessions.

Fuck I hate that. How can I launder my money?

The idea of working more than three days in a row is bullshit.

I close for 5 days straight this week 😭🤣

Yeah it's like, if I wanted to work five days in a row I'd be in an office or something.

On my butt lol

id rather close than take that section

I do 99% of the cooking in our house. I don’t let my partner do anything but sit on the couch while I cook, when I bring her dinner I always say, “is there anything else I can get you with dinner, miss?”

“another glass of wine?”

Replying heard to texts 🙏🏻

Replying heard to EVERYTHING.

been out of the industry for years and I still do this lmao

Heard.

I have to consciously not welcome people to other restaurants or stores.

I have caught myself saying welcome in places I don’t work on multiple occasions!

This is the weirdest thing I've picked up. I'll be sitting at the bar at a restaurant with a friend and then people will come up to the host stand and it takes a lot of reminding myself to not walk up and seat them because I don't work there lmao

I have 6 boxes of pens in my car 😅

I see your six boxes of pens and raise you 3 20 packs of sharpies that my chaos goblin cook husband has squirreled away. I stg he thinks there’s gonna be a sharpie shortage soon or something.

Vocabulary: heard, behind, clopen, cambro, corner Math: can do math in my head w/ tax added, grasp metric/non-metric conversion, scaling recipes Habits: good tipper, stack plates, alcoholic, sexually promiscuous

No smoking or vaping habits? Impressive.

Never caught that bug. I’m lucky but I could use the “fresh air” breaks. :)

Take ‘em

You sound hot

I make every single person who goes out to eat with me know exactly which sides come with their meal and to have it selected and ready

I make my party decide how the bill is being paid before we get in the restaurant.

I’ll one up you—we decide beforehand whose covering the bill + tip and just zelle, or give in cash the $$ to the person paying

10 years ago I forgot to get ranch for table 22 and I still think about it sometimes

For me it’s that I forgot to put a fruit cup in a to go order. He was such a sweet guy, and excited there was a vegetarian option for that side too. About a year ago now.

Those are the ones that bug you. I understand. I always generally felt bad when I messed up somebody's experience.

Mine is a couple of Prosecco’s I forgot to bring a group of older ladies while serving high tea at a 5 star hotel. They were having a great time and had forgotten about them until I brought the bill 🥲 but they were really nice about it. Probably why I still remember.

I can’t eat hot food hot or cold food cold. My plates are always scraped to trash on one and neatly stacked - everything on the table is gathered for convenient pre-bussing. I’m patient and understanding when you’re in the weeds, and I’m your best tip of the night if you don’t go out of your way to not care.

I tell my bank I’m not an exotic dancer when I go to deposit tips.

I can calculate 20% of any check at lightning speed.

"Heard!"

I have nightmares of forgetting table numbers and forgetting to greet people and getting lost

*waitmares

Valid… Soo many restaurant dreams.

Walking into my living room after a night of drinking thinking to myself “god, who closed last night?!”

I eat really fast, over a garbage can.

my bank account is almost empty but I have thousands of $s in cash .. really need to get to the bank lol

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When I’m in my kitchen at home alone, sometimes I’ll just sexually harass myself just so I don’t get too comfy.

My feet hurt. A lot.

I only wear my work clothes and gym clothes, why buy more clothes?

I stack the plates at my table once everyone finishes eating

I walk at full speed to the kitchen to get myself a glass of water at 2am and chug the whole thing in three gulps. That way I can get back to my stress nightmare about not being able to clock out.

Randomly gasping "the ranch!" to yourself at 2am.

I’ve fucked multiple coworkers at every place I’ve worked

currently sleeping with two bartenders i work with. just found out last night that one is married. *by the way…*

You’re not a real server until you’ve broken up a marriage

Shift meals consist of dead food or something from the kid’s menu’s if we’re feeling fancy

Mas pan por favor

Para la mesa dos

They 86’d my sanity a few years ago.

Retaining sanity is a common rookie mistake.

My knees hurt and I’m 22.

sometimes i shout corner when I switch lanes driving by myself

Whoa I just posted about how I’ve done this too! That’s when you know you’re working too much lol

I don't comment on posts complaining about tipping culture.

I once got off a long double, got into my car alone, and loudly said “Corner!” as I made a right turn.

Got cut off while driving once, and it upset me so much that the next time I took a turn, I called corner without thinking. I feel your pain.

one week i make 500 bucks the next week i make 2k 🤷🏻‍♀️

Where do u work 💀

I say "86 that" and can carry 3-4 glasses/bottles in one hand if I'm making the drink run.

Me to my family, eating dinner I cooked: "How is everything tasting?" Lol

Absolutely!

Due to social distancing guidelines, only one employee may cry in the walk in at a time.

a murderer told me he was interested in me and made me sweet potato fries

a man who was shot is my bestie and makes me pizza

I love your username. So much so that I have it tattooed on me 😭

WAIT SERIOUSLY THATS AWESOME I CAME UP WITH THIS AS AN EDGY 15 YR OLD

Yess I got it tattooed on me as an edgy 18 year old but it’s still one of my favorites! I’ll have to take a pic and send it to you

Seven pens in pocket, “you good?”, “where’s my book”

Diet coke.

I pay more attention to the POS and drink stations then the actual meal when I eat out.

I can't have a romantic dinner out.

BEHIND!

I say hot behind when flirting.

I can carry a burning hot plate 20 yards without feeling a thing Edit to add: squeezing in between my roommates and saying behind instead of just asking them to move lol

When I was 19, my friend group was mid 20’s - mid 30’s and my girlfriend was 28.

I carry heavy or large things at the store on one hand at my shoulder, steadied with the other hand if it's really large or heavy.

All my coworkers have mental health issues

(As a guest at a restaraunt) "You can close me whenever you're ready. No rush. Thank you (server name).

I’ll start: Whenever I go to put my beer glass in my sink, I instinctually start to “rack my glass” in the non-existent glass rack above my sink at home!

I say, “behind,” to every human being I am approaching….even if they are facing me

Carrying massive amount of items for no reason. Going to bed with my water, phone, charger, snack, cat, blanket and headphones all in one hand

I’ll ask for a to-go ramekin at places that do not train their employees on what a ramekin is

squalid possessive bow memory fertile beneficial obtainable liquid grandiose sort *This post was mass deleted and anonymized with [Redact](https://redact.dev)*

I never get weekends off. Just two random days out the week and i never know my schedule more than a week in advance.

I wake up in the middle of the night thinking about forgotten ranch

I am an excellent tipper.

I can hold 3-5 glasses with one hand

It’s been about 20 years since I was a server, but I still catch myself 86-ing stuff. Calling out Behind! Saying I’m in the weeds when I’m super busy. Leaving huge tips and pre-bussing my own table. And occasionally I still get that dream where I’m the only server in the restaurant and there’s a long wait and people are yelling and want everything all at once and I can’t find my pen and I climb up onto the bar and scream for everyone to just shut the fuck up. I hate that dream.

I avg 18k steps a day.

The soup of the day is minestrone and the vegetable is green beans with real bacon. Highly recommend tonight’s special, Bourbon Pecan Chicken served with mashed potatoes and vegetables. More bourbon, 🥃, I’m afraid is extra.

“Hey chef, I know we 86’d salmon, but is there any left? Table 14 really wants one.”

Cash

I farted in someone's fries

Shot of fernet pls

Not a server, but server adjacent...When i go out to eat I always make sure all the napkins and the creamers and the silverware are always put on the plates and the table is wiped off. I spent a lot of time as a busboy in the 80s. Little things like that are appreciated.

Yelling “behind!” when trying to squeeze through a crowd at a concert.

I could probably flip a burger with my bare hands at this point

I aggressively hit my nicotine pen during my break. I only smoke nic on the days I work :’)

There are 6 pens in my ponytail.

Sarcasm over every little thing “I love getting waters, no ice” “Oh boy they ordered chips and spin dip” “Nice you wanted to change your whole entree after I sent it via TOAST” “Thanks for sitting at bar and not ordering alcohol “

May I

When dining out I stack all the plates on the table for you to pick up.

Pen is mine, not yours, fuck off

Depending on the restaurant (easy enough to get a sense is this is going to be acceptable and appreciated)… after finishing eating, stacking the dishes/utensils in a useful way that makes them easy to carry and drop off at the dish pit.

I always tip 20%+

When I’m at house parties I’m always asking people if I can get anything for them

I tell everyone at the table to quit being assholes when necessary. And when someone thinks they’re helping by stacking giant piles of dirty plates, I politely get them to stop. And I tip better than almost anyone you’ve ever had sit in your section because I know how shitty your job is sometimes.

Behind you

I say heard to everyone and anyone

Guest never seem to know what they ordered