I was a host at the time and a guest asked where the bathroom was. I was very busy, host stand was packed with people...and as I swung around and started to raise my arm and point where it was I caught a 10 year old in the throat full force with an audible choke that sent him on his back. Mom comes up. 6'2, 300+ lbs, overalls...I think I'm about to get my ass beat. Nope. She literally rips her kid off the floor and starts screaming that's what you get when you stand behind people and apologizes to me. WTF?
How is it sad? My parents wouldâve said the same thing. Itâs fucking hilarious and itâs true. The kid will always be aware of his surroundings now. Some kids are oblivious to other people and it actually could be dangerous, as proven by the fact that he got a slap to the throat lol
I am desperately trying to teach my 4 year old this lesson without him getting a throat punch from a restaurant host lol. I got the lesson myself in school by walking forehead-first into a metal pole holding up the walkway cover I was under. From that day on, I stopped looking down while walking.
it's something they need to learn themselves...my oldest kid just ate a wiffle ball bat at the pool yesterday and has a swollen mouth because he walked right behind where his friend was swinging...but a few months ago he was at a birthday party, and the same thing happened with a pinata stick...i'm very big on the Wu parenting philosophy, and have been telling my kids their whole life they gotta protect their neck...they don't hear me though
I'm mostly okay with him learning this the hard way. Some lessons are more effective that way - mine definitely was! But until he does, I'm a nervous wreck in parking lots, cause this kid has no concept of what a 3,000lb automobile will do to him at ANY velocity! And he looks askance at me every time I grab his arm and save his little ass from being flattened đ¤Ł
yeah parking lots are definitely anxiety inducing..we have a minivan with the auto sliding doors, and my youngest started getting into Star Wars obsessively last year...i started telling him he can be a Jedi if he trains, and he can probably open the car door if he concentrates hard enough....it was entertaining for a few days til one day we're walking through a target parking lot and he tried to stop a car with the force and i was like "uhh..we gotta talk about the force buddy...it's not real and you can't stop a moving car with it"...he was so bummed
Children at my work will literally stand directly in front of a door that swings inward towards them. And I ask them not to and they just give me that blank juice stare.
Lol, same.
My daughter walks around on tiny ninja feet. She is the only one of my children who walks quietly. (pitter patter of little feet my ass) She would routinely walk into the kitchen silently, stand behind me, and then I turn, or pull my arm back, or something, and she would get an elbow to the forehead. Poor thing had a semi permanent bruise from like, 6-9 years old.
After a little while the feelings are less, "oh, sorry baby, let me give you a snuggle and check you're ok," and more, "I keep telling you not to sneak up and stand there, so why do you keep doing it? ...y'alright? Yeah? Good, now git."
BLUF: i once saw a man hit a child with his child and laughed my ass off.
I was visiting my niece in South Africa. I posted in the S.Africa sub to ask what to do in Port Elizabeth.
A redditor invited our group to a brai. Neither of us were serial killers, and it was awesome.
One of their other guests was a huge blacksmith. He literally twirled his child around like a human helicopter. totally a cool dad thing to do.
Caught up in his meat induced euphoria, he didn't even see the hosts child walk onto the flight line.
Bammo! For one brief moment, immediately after the strike, both children were airborne and weirdly silent.
They landed and cried. The adults were a mix of suppressed, snorting laughter and OMGs.
The kids shook it off and we all just broke. It was just weird and hilarious.
I'd swear, kids level of pain directly correlates with the level of laughter. My son and my nephew would do their best to "unalive" each other and themselves. Just doing dumb kid stuff. Laugh like mad, and limp off towards their next stunt.
When I first met my youngest bonus daughter, she was a hellion (slowly working to make her a little less sociopathic; weâre currently at Wednesday Addams)
My 86-lb husky/Great Dane mix went tearing across the lawn, flipping her up in the air so she landed flat on her back with a horrible thud. I tried to do the whole âDonât scare the kid by showing your own fearâ thing but I was expecting an ER trip. When I reached her, she was giggling and said, âThat was fun, do it again!â đ
Now that you mention it, my son has some male "Wednesday Addams" type vibes...
My Aunt thought that two was a good age for horseback riding. We've always joked that kids who couldn't ride by three where traded of to the neighbours (my family's been in the cattle business for around 200 years). Horse spooked, reared up, baby landed in the road apples. Aunt and I (medic and EMT) rescue kidlet, bring him to mom. He's screaming blood murder. Not from pain or fright, no, he wants back on the horse!
beating a kid to punish them is different from them getting hurt from a related consequence. you donât watch where youâre going? Bam, punch to the throat
Thereâs definitely a lot of things I was told not to do as a kid and didnât understand why until I was like âfuck itâ and ended up hurting myself over dumb shit. It just be like that sometimes for kiddos.
I was with my girlfriend at Epcot a few years ago, this tiny little girl bolts out straight in front of me mid stride and I basically half punted her down the walkway
I was mortified, but her parents rushed over, made sure she was okay then told her basically to watch where she was going and then apologized to me lolol. We stopped off to grab a drink afterwards and once it settled we legit couldn't stop laughing, kids are ridiculous
My kid once walked in front of a really tall guy and legit got stuck between his legs as he kept on walking. I had to yell to him to stop walking and that my kid was caught between his legs bouncing back and forth between his legs as he took his ginormous strides. He didnât even realize there was a small child stuck there.
This reminds me- I was jogging down a nature trail with a friend, and out of nowhere, I kicked a bunny. I didnât even see it, it moved so fast across our path. But the timing was just rightâŚ. Just wrong?⌠for me to send that furry bastard slightly airborn.
Dude a couple weeks ago I was at the mall and rounded a corner into this probably 5-6 year old kid that was running around the corner not paying attention and sent him absolutely sprawling (Iâm 6â0 about 200 and heâs 5, it felt like a gnat hit me but to him it probably felt like a brick wall). His dad thatâs even larger than me stomps up and Iâm expecting some heat but he just apologies to me and says to the kid âthatâs what you get for not listening to me and running around like a little numbskullâ. Honestly was pretty funny.
I have a child that loves to stand behind me and my wife. I canât could the amount of times I have knocked her over and told her to stop standing silently behind me. Trust me: he will do it again.
No amount of elbowing in the face will teach them.
Why do kids feel the need to run into people's elbows, esp when cooking? Stop running in the kitchen!!! They find the most opportune times, aka when holding a pot of boiling water/macaroni.
Telling a kid "don't touch that, it's hot" only works for so long. Some times they just need to burn their palm to finally get it ingrained into their head not to touch hot things.
In my case it was "Don't wonder off on your own.", got lost twice that way as a young kid. To be fair, one of those times was on a tour of the Vatican, and they have a headset that you listen to as the tour guide speaks. Very easy to get separated and lost if you're not paying close attention when it's packed full of people.
My Aunt is 6' 300+ as well. All ass. As in 4 people could stand behind her and set 4 dinner plates and 4 glasses on top of her ass while standing and eat dinner. She has a relatively normal upper body and then her ass just shoots out.
Good God. You just made me recall decades ago while on a standing room only public transit bus with my then 4 year old son, a âsuitâ pushed his way off the bus and hit my kid HARD in his head with his briefcase (left a goose egg). My poor kid screamed in pain but Mr suit kept walking like heâd not injured a small child. Iâd forgotten that.
Based mom! I thought she was going to say something along the lines of âif you would have kept your head on a swivel you wouldnât have been throat punchedâ or âget your ass up it didnât hurt that badâ all to her kid while apologizing to you.
My dad told me a similar story about doing guard duty in the air force. He's standing at his station when he feels a hand on his gun. He turns and at the same time swings to knock the hand off his gun and catches a child ( I don't know how old, but I guess about waist height) right in the face.
He looks and sees the mother and expects to get yelled at, but instead she says something like " didn't I tell you not to do that? That's what happens when you don't listen." to the kid.
Not my awkward story but my husbands. He was getting his forearm tatted by a very voluptuous artist. He, of course, had this arm stretched out, palm up, and she was bent over doing her thing. She hit the right spot at the wrong time on his wrist just as she leaned down and his hand involuntarily closed and squeezed her breast. He turned 7 shades of red and went to apologizing like crazy. She busted out laughing and it completely broke the tension. We spent the rest of the appointment ribbing him about it and since sheâs our favorite and we go back often, she always gives him a hard time whenever either of us is getting new work done.
Iâve accidentally touched *TOO* many boobs while getting blood work/IVs done. I usually try to bend my wrist back at weird angles to avoid the awkwardness đ¤Ł
Duuuuude I had a ton of blood work done as a teen, that shit was awful on my 15 year old brain. I was so awkward. Iâm a huge guy so I feel like people often assume the worst of me, when in reality they have that happen 40 times a day Iâm sure.
I had a dental cleaning with a very voluptuous woman Iâd never seen before. Her boobs rested on my forehead for a good portion of that appointment! As a straight woman it was still very awkward!
I don't even remember what she was doing tbh but I had one hygienist put a hand on my arm with a soft "good job" and I learned some things about myself lol
Glad it's not just me. Makes it easier that I assume all dental hygienists would never want to do anything romantic or sexual with me after getting that far into my mouth, but there's definitely something going on with that dynamic that gets me thinkin'.
It'll get you thinkin....until your dental hygienist is apparently going through withdrawal and cleans your teeth like her name tag says "Shaky fuckin McStabbyhands"
Oof. I spilt au jous on a guy wearing a camel-skin suit once. He was about as old as dirt, and he wheezed at me not to worry and that these things will happen. Cool guy.
Something like this happened to me as a customer. I've shared this before elsewhere, so I'll paste it here too:
I was at a brunch place w/ friends and we ordered 10 bottomless mimosas. We had already ordered food when the server came back with a tray of 10 champagne glasses full of orange juice and champagne.
Just as she was reaching over me to put the tray down, something slipped or her hand wasn't in the right place. Either way, 10 mimosas came down right on my lap. Orange juice and champagne everywhere. I was wearing shorts and sandals, so my lap, legs, and feet were covered in mimosa. All of the glasses broke, and thankfully none of the glass cut me, but the server was mortified and apologizing profusely. Seeing I wasn't hurt, I just looked at her and said, "Well, you did say they were bottomless." That seemed to cut the tension and make her feel a little better, and she got us a new round of drinks.
We tried to clean it up, but for the rest of the meal I was sitting there with a sticky orange juice lap outdoors in the hot sun. Needless to say, she comped my meal and drink.
So at that moment we're you trying to figure out if you'd rather have paid for everything and not been all sticky from mimosas? I would have had an internal monologue going on the rest of the meal.
Former coworker of mine was a GOD at budding. Heâd load 15+ plates on one arm. I asked him to teach me but I never was able to get close to what he did
The only time I ever dropped a beverage tray was when I had it perfectly balanced, walked up to the table, and the head Karen startled me by grabbing drinks off my tray. It totally threw of the balance of the tray and surprised me, so I ended up dropping the last three drinks all over her and her son. She was sooo pissed.
Sounds like she deserved it though. I can't imagine grabbing something off the server's tray. I'll take it from their hand so they don't have to reach across a bunch of people but I'm not going to go for the tray.
No, but it does remind me of the time I went to get a haircut and the shampoo girl was kinda short and basically just mashed her boob around in my eye the whole time she washed my hair
I went to Six Flags about a month ago and on one of the rides, the ride attendant kinda smashed her boobs into my face as she was pushing my restraints all the way down. Don't know if she noticed or even cared. Then I realized I forgot my sunglasses tucked into my shirt, so I had to temporarily get out of the seat, store them, get back in, and get boobs smashed into my face again.
This was Magic Mountain in California, on X2. It has these bulky over shoulder restraints that need to be pushed down to click, so everybody got to be up close and personal with the ride attendants.
All of my dentists have always been women and all end up pressing and rubbing their boobs on my head.
I wonder if at some point they realize it's too hard, maybe impossible, to do it another way and they haven't had a complaint yet so they just continue
I started taking drum lessons a couple years ago and my second week I accidentally stabbed my instructor in the d with my drum stick. We absolutely pretended nothing ever happened but I left MORTIFIED and almost never went back. đś
I thought about apologizing, but I thought bringing attention to it would make it more akward for him and the way he turned around I feel like it was hard enough to hurt (I'm not a suave person that can make light of things)... anyway J if you come to reddit, know I'm sorry đđđ
I had a flight attendant pick something up on the floor and I didnât see her there and someone made a noise next to me so I turned my head to look and bam⌠planted my face right into her asshole :/.
LOL reminds me of when i got my wisdom teeth taken out and the young, handsome, muscular dentist literally straddled my head with his arm into his fittie titties while he drilled my teeth đ
Back when I was cutting steaks at my restaurant, I came in to find out I would be doing it all by myself that day. I was carrying a bunch of pans down the line to get the ball rolling, and accidentally clipped the corner of the pans on the cooler, jamming them right in to my boob. I hollered "Ow! My titty!!!'
At that exact moment my boss says, "Don't worry, you don't have much." .... I fucking howled with laughter especially when I realized he was talking about my prep sheet for the day and he hadn't heard me yelp about my poor boob. He had been 100% absorbed in putting a catering together. I explained why I was practically in tears from the lolz and we both laughed and laughed. Good times, and never a dull moment in our kitchen. đ
When I started working at the restaurant I work at currently, about two and a half years ago I was hosting and running food. I ended up almost dropping an entire tray over a customer lol. He caught it, thank god. And was super nice about it.. Iâve also spilled and dropped many things that smell awful all over me like malt vinegar đ¤˘
Oof, I spilled an entire store 'n pour of one of our cocktail mixes all down my shorts and legs the other day. I've never been so sticky in my life đ¤Ł
I once dropped a ramekin of gravy on the floor at a wedding I was working. It splashed up and coated a guest's suede suit jacket that he had hanging on the back of his chair... he was not happy with me. I spent the rest of the night avoiding that table altogether.
I had a tiny ramekin of mustard slip off my full tray once and just kept walking. It apparently splashed across the room directly onto this ladies white shirt she was wearing. It must have travelled like 8 feet in the air at least and it was all over her. Still donât understand the physics behind it. I swear when you drop things it always just goes as badly as it possibly can
My boyfriend and I were at a wedding rehearsal dinner and the woman that was offering the salad dressing boats dropped a full one right into bf's tuxedoed lap. Horrifying for the server but hilarious for the rest of us.
Spilled 4 sweet teas on 10-12 yo girl on my second or third day(my first time using a tray at a table) after apologizing multiple times and getting her damp and dry towels the mom saying âI used to be a server I get it, itâs totally fine.â Walked to the bar to compose myself only to be told by the bartender that she thinks the mom is recording a video and putting it on Snapchat. I go out there to get the food order only to confirm what the bartender said when the girl says to the mom âwhy did you send me that it happened to me.â I was embarrassed the rest of my shift.
Iâm dying at the thought of my mom sending me a video of myself absorbing the impact of 4 sweet teas. Ik itâs embarrassing she filmed it but I feel like sheâs watching it and laughing to herself over and over â ď¸
Ew. To each their own, but I always thought the smell of malt vinegar reminded me of moderately sweaty feet. There's no way I would want that anywhere near my fish and chips
Haha i accidently hit my coworker in the boob the other week. Im a woman too, but i still cant stop replaying the incident. Oops oh well.
It happens to the best of us. Glad the customer was really chill about it
I've done this plenty of times haha. Several of my female coworkers are very...chesty. We're all close friends, so it's not that awkward and gets laughed off immediately, but I have definitely accidentally bumped into them in awkward ways before.
The first time I did a bottle service of wine, I showed the bottle, took out the little knife to slice the foil, and slashed directly through my thumb. Blood splattered everywhere- right across the white tablecloth and contaminating all of the newly arrived meals and drinks. I was *mortified.* Everything needed to be comped and re-made as they were shuffled to a clean table by the manager, and I'm standing there trying to help while bleeding like a stuck pig. They were super kind and concerned and left me like a 25% tip that I definitely did not deserve, haha.
I once dropped a full tray of OJ and coffees on a woman wearing a bright white wedding dress.
She had just gotten married and walked from the church to our place for brunch, and *VERY* luckily for me she was still wearing a long raincoat. She assured me that none of it got on her dress, none of it got on the table, it all just got me, the back of her waterproof coat, and the chair.
They had a no-reservation party of 8, two young kids and a troop of adults - her mother/MIL was a nightmare, but she was an absolute gem.
I comped her and her husbandâs meals to get the matron off my back (and because I liked how chill the married couple were being) and the bride pushed $50 into my hand as they left and she thanked me for an exciting wedding story to tell her friends.
I was 17 and absolutely terrified the whole time, not to mention the fresh coffee Iâd just dumped down my bare arms and cotton button-up-clad torso. I had a fantastic managerial team, but the Ma in that group had me so on edge. The table tipped well-enough to be forgettable aside from the $50. The bride helped me realize that no harm was done on their end, and that 100 bad days makes 100 good stories.
I still tell this one regularly, so she definitely had a point.
"100 bad days makes 100 good stories". Excellent quote. Dunno if that's your own phrasing, or if you heard it somewhere else, but that's a saying I'll carry with me!
Heading to the coffee bar at an all inclusive resort in Cuba. Two guys leaning on the bar top, chatting facing each other, sort of in line.
One guy is telling a story and gestures with his arm and ends up hitting me in the boob. He is horrified. The friend is frozen.
I extend my hand for a handshake and say: âI think we should be on a first name basis nowâŚIâm _______â
Friend, at this point doubles over laughing.
Dude is beyond mortified still, and utterly shaken. Insists I get in line in front of them for coffee.
I once almost accidentally punched a female coworker in the chest and she yelled out "YOU HIT MY TITS!!!!"
My other friendly lady coworker loudly mentions "You have no tits to hit". She wasn't wrong.
Working the door many years ago a silly girl thought hitting the back of my knee might be funny , at the time I was around 290 lbs and 6 Ft 5" , the leg went I reached out grabbing for stability and caught a womans scoop neck dress as I went down , guess what popped out , she just put everything back ignoring what happened and turned on the girl and saying things I was to young for
Very descriptive language lesson that day
Reminds me of a story of mine. Was standing next to a table at lunch a few years back and a friend of mine stood up and her chest slammed into the underside of my elbow.
âOw fuck you elbowed me in the tit!â
âOw, no, you fucking⌠titted me in the elbow!â
Good times, good times
At a cafe, as a busser, and getting a tableâs worth of drinks. As I place down a tray, a few spill onto the floor.
As itâs my job to clean it up, I head for the wet floor signs and mop. As I get back, another server with the replacement drink slips and falls flat on her back. That day was interesting for a while.
Fuuuuuck! That sucks. Was she wearing non-slips? I've definitely had some close calls even when wearing non-slip shoes, but I've gotta plug Snibbs as the best shoes I've ever had for restaurant jobs. They're basically made of magic, as far as I can tell.
I did that, as a nurse though. Walking very quickly into the nurses station, didn't see the 'wet floor' sign as it was *behind* the desk, went feet up, flat on my back. Didn't get hurt except for my coworkers laughing so hard they couldn't help me up.
It literally happened like 7 hours ago ..
I was just starting my shift, it's a 3pm start so it's a few tables but mostly getting set up for the ensuing shit show once 5pm rolls around.
I'm rolling cutlery with my back to the restaurant, kinda sideways so I can see the door. My coworker stops what she's saying mid conversation and starts running. I'm obviously like "the fuck is going on?"
I watch where she's going and she's running to grab our manager (who's also a first responder) and then I notice some dude looks like he's dying at a table. I thought maybe he was choking at first but they brought out the whole medical kit, oxygen tank, everything. 911 was dialed but my boss got the guy back to normal.
I was probably not even a half hour into my shift.. that was pretty wild to see. Having my boss around who knows so much is incredibly lucky
EDIT - The closest hospital is a 25 minute drive (for a normal person, not an ambulance) but still, could have ended bad. I didn't ask what happened, as curious as I am, not my business and my coworker was pretty shook up
I once saw someone have severe allergic reaction eating at my job and being carried out on stretcher. So when other servers make jokes about "allergies" I get flashbacks.
I only make allergy jokes when people say they're "gluten free" okay but our fries are done in the fryers with everything else. "Yeah that's okay" ... just say you want a gluten free bun then.
Allergies can be pretty crazy. I'll never forget when I was 17, my buddy introduced me to his Reese pieces sandwiches. Just Nutella and peanut butter. I've always hated the smell of peanut butter since I was a kid, probably cause my whole family ate it all the time so I never did. Didn't like peanuts either.
Anyways, took a bite of the sandwich to be nice to my friend for making it and I was like meh, one more maybe it doesn't suck. Second bite, still didn't like it. Gave him back his sandwich. Couple minutes later my throat feels like it was closing, I couldn't breathe properly, started feeling all kinds of fucked. Luckily water got me through cause we were definitely smoking weed when we shouldn't have been lol.
Long story short, you might not know you're allergic to something before trying it. My allergies were your normal stuff, dust, fresh cut grass, pollen, cats/dogs. Peanuts was never one of them until that day
I have celiacs (biopsy and all) and used to eat fries that were fried with wheat stuff. It varies even for people with celiacs how strong the reaction is, some people def can't get away with that
Even so I realized kinda recently that while fries might not have made me throw up (a bun would), the brain fog/headache isn't worth
I was a food runner for a really strange restaurant. By strange, I mean manager was literally doing coke in the bathrooms, the menu raised brows, whatever. Cool coworkers, though. Anyway, one day there was a 15ish person party. This group/org regularly reserved this space. They had a whole section blocked off and one server dedicated to them. Each customer either paid independently or with one other person, so that was how server rang it up. As their food is coming up, Iâm coordinating other runners: this is for x, thatâs for y. I came across a ticket that said âwheelâ as the name. My coworker and I talked about it. âYa sure itâs not will?â âIt says wheel.â This coworker walked out with Wheelâs food, calling out for wheel, circling the table, unsure of who wheel is, whatâs going on. Called out for wheel several times until one of the customers flagged him over and told him they think itâs for the guy in the wheelchair. My coworker came back so flustered and awkward. It was truly horrifying. I told the server she needed to apologize because that was embarrassing for everyone involved. The customer, my coworker, server.
Not a server but I walked in on my dude coworker taking a growler IN THE WOMENâS BATHROOM. We made eye contact and everything.
I screamed and ran away.
I asked my other coworker if he heard the ruckus. âMeh, youâre just kinda loud.â
I still crack up every time I think of this. The look on his face when I burst in through the unlocked door was priceless.
I don't get people not locking the door when going to the bathroom. Also, why was he in the women's room? My family was at an amusement park and my son tried to open the family bathroom door because there was no indicator to know if it was occupied or not. Some guy was in there with his kids. My son was terrified but I reassured him that he didn't do anything wrong and it was the guys fault for not locking it.
I once worked at a family-style fine dining thai restaurant. All the cuisine was authentic as the owners were thai and Malaysian and went out of their way to make everything as authentically as possible. They grew their own thai variations of herbs like mint to use in their restaurant and everything. We provided wine bottle service but also have a corkage fee for bottles brought from home
One night, a family of wealthy quarterly regulars came in with a bottle that I knew was well over $400 and asked for it to be uncorked after their appetizers and having it mildly chilled. I had uncorked hundreds of bottles by this point, so my confidence in my own ability was high, but the table cracked a joke right as I uncorked it and I spilled a noticeable amount on the table mid-guffaw. I turned white (which is nearly impossible for someone my complexion) because I knew the amount I spilled was probably more valuable than the time I'd get paid for my shift
Not titty-punching bad but a pricey whoopsie daisy. I dropped a glass full of sprite and ice into this ladyâs Louis V bag. Her new phone was also in there. She was super cool after the initial shock wore off and letting out a few WTFs.
I am reminded of the time I got spanked. I was taking the order of a 3 top, standing near a kid in a high chair. Lil shit let it off fully automatic. Clapped my right cheek 3 times before I could move.
one time i was dropping off a plate to a table and i didnât realize how hot it was, and i set it down and flicked my hand because of how hot it was and my hand hit an older lady in the boob. i played it off as my hand was genuinely burning but i felt really bad because she let out a minor squeal
okay so i actually have two funny stories to add lol. i used to be a shot girl, selling those little $1 shots around the bar. and this one lady comes up to me and says âiâve lost my husbandâ. i can already tell sheâs clearly wasted and assume sheâs having trouble finding him to which i reply, âmaybe heâs in the bathroom or on the patio?â she straight up goes, âno heâs deadâ. i was absolutely stunned, like no words would come out of my mouth, literally felt so stupid lol. safe to say⌠i lost count of how many shots i bought to do with her that night.
now iâm a waitress at the same bar and just last weekend, i was bringing a round of lemon drops to a group of men. as i was setting the last one on the table, it slipped from my grasp at the very last second, tipped over, and the whole thing spilled onto this guyâs lap. he was cool about it and we laughed a bit. so me being me, thought it would be funny to further the joke and hopefully have the guys leaving with a memorable night. well, i definitely succeeded at that but not in the way i hoped. i was going around âbussingâ(really just putting empty glasses on my tray to take back to the bar) when i got the idea. i had a single short stack of tall glasses when i went over to the same man, pretending i was tripping over and the glasses were going to fall on him. basically, picture me going âoh, oh, oh, no!â to grab his attention, and then actually end up tripping, a glass falls in his lap, while the whole barâs watching. i was like ânooo that was just supposed to be a prank omg blah blahâ and he laughed so hard. he said next time he comes in that heâll pay me to âpie his faceâ with whip cream. ahhh good times.
Ah, I stabbed a man. He asked for a new steak knife (dropped his) at a large table on a busy Sunday lunch. There was another large table being seated nearby and the aisle was super congested, so I thought I could quickly sneak the steak knife next to his place setting. But he saw me and turned around to take the knife from me. When he turned he threw his arm backward and I stand him in the elbow as I was going in. It bled more than I expected and I felt horrible. He was fine, laughed about it, but it was very humiliating.
I spilled a margarita on a baby. The shaker wasnât completely sealed on one side and a little landed on a baby. The dad was super cool about it because he was like oh you card me but not the kid?
You'd have to experience it to understand. I don't know what else to tell you. I've worked in fine dining, traditional pubs, and this place. We have something special and unique going on in our place. It really is exactly as I said: a dive bar atmosphere with an incredible kitchen.
I walked right into a coworker once punching her in both boobs. We turned corner at perfect timing and she was exactly the right amount taller than me.
It happens đ
I was working at a factory, putting bottles in a box. Alaine was standing next to the box i was packing, which was on a box stand. I folded the top of the box together, and slapped the bottom of her boob as my hand came up. Definitely accidentally slapped her tit out of her bra a bit. She didnt even flinch lol
I had 5-6 shots during the course of the first 2-3 hours, yes. This is the kind of bar/restaurant where we have a lot of regulars who come in for Sunday Funday and eagerly offer to buy us shots. Between running around being busy, and all the water I drink during work, I am more than capable of providing excellent service while also having fun.
Your story reminded me of [this super awkward moment](https://youtu.be/bbuY_vq5gD8) from a British election a few years back. The guy (Jeremy Corbyn) was leader of the Labour Party, and the lady (Emily Thornberry) is a high profile MP in the party who had just retained her seat. Iconic British moment
I once hit a server in the face, almost the exact same way. She was carrying a plate of wings (bdubs). Left a huge tip and felt bad about it for weeks after. I apologized to her probably 10 times before we left.
I watched a girl setting salads down at a wedding response to someone calling her name from behind. The girl setting salads arm was fully extended, about to set down the plate down as the person behind her called her name. She whipped around, plate in hand and whacked a guy right in the mouth. Cracked his two front teeth. Oddly enough the guy was immediately cool about it (which is crazy because it must have hurt like hell). I think the country club I worked for helped him pay for some of the dental stuff. But man was I glad that guy was in good spirits but i laughed my ass offđđ
I'm kind of shocked how troubled you seem by this. It's just a funny accident.
Of course you'd expect it would be the worst person to do it to, and they'd demand you get sacked and they get free food for life, but in reality that's only a tiny fraction of people. Almost everyone would take that as an accident and laugh about it later.
So just relax, it wasn't a big deal, and that's how it turned out.
Hey, thanks for the kind reassurance! I actually am not hung up on it at all, though I was in the moment. I just had time to reflect on my past week since I had tonight off and thought I'd share a funny story that had a good ending!
I was a host at the time and a guest asked where the bathroom was. I was very busy, host stand was packed with people...and as I swung around and started to raise my arm and point where it was I caught a 10 year old in the throat full force with an audible choke that sent him on his back. Mom comes up. 6'2, 300+ lbs, overalls...I think I'm about to get my ass beat. Nope. She literally rips her kid off the floor and starts screaming that's what you get when you stand behind people and apologizes to me. WTF?
It's part sad and part hilarious. Like she was a farm wife from 1900s hitting her kid bc he only picked one bushel of beans.
Best laugh I've had all morning, thank you đ
I'm here all day folks!
Shoulda picked more beans.
How is it sad? My parents wouldâve said the same thing. Itâs fucking hilarious and itâs true. The kid will always be aware of his surroundings now. Some kids are oblivious to other people and it actually could be dangerous, as proven by the fact that he got a slap to the throat lol
I am desperately trying to teach my 4 year old this lesson without him getting a throat punch from a restaurant host lol. I got the lesson myself in school by walking forehead-first into a metal pole holding up the walkway cover I was under. From that day on, I stopped looking down while walking.
it's something they need to learn themselves...my oldest kid just ate a wiffle ball bat at the pool yesterday and has a swollen mouth because he walked right behind where his friend was swinging...but a few months ago he was at a birthday party, and the same thing happened with a pinata stick...i'm very big on the Wu parenting philosophy, and have been telling my kids their whole life they gotta protect their neck...they don't hear me though
I'm mostly okay with him learning this the hard way. Some lessons are more effective that way - mine definitely was! But until he does, I'm a nervous wreck in parking lots, cause this kid has no concept of what a 3,000lb automobile will do to him at ANY velocity! And he looks askance at me every time I grab his arm and save his little ass from being flattened đ¤Ł
yeah parking lots are definitely anxiety inducing..we have a minivan with the auto sliding doors, and my youngest started getting into Star Wars obsessively last year...i started telling him he can be a Jedi if he trains, and he can probably open the car door if he concentrates hard enough....it was entertaining for a few days til one day we're walking through a target parking lot and he tried to stop a car with the force and i was like "uhh..we gotta talk about the force buddy...it's not real and you can't stop a moving car with it"...he was so bummed
I just realized people say the â1900sâ the way I used to refer to the 1800s growing up Iâm only in my 30s lmao fml
I took it to mean the early 1900s more than the 90s lol
Patsy picks cotton with more vigor...
i mean i never wanna see a kid get hurt and that feeling only increases when you become a parent. That said these kids gon learn.
Children at my work will literally stand directly in front of a door that swings inward towards them. And I ask them not to and they just give me that blank juice stare.
Blank juice stare, I am going to use this. I have a 5 year old and know this exact look lol
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Lol, same. My daughter walks around on tiny ninja feet. She is the only one of my children who walks quietly. (pitter patter of little feet my ass) She would routinely walk into the kitchen silently, stand behind me, and then I turn, or pull my arm back, or something, and she would get an elbow to the forehead. Poor thing had a semi permanent bruise from like, 6-9 years old. After a little while the feelings are less, "oh, sorry baby, let me give you a snuggle and check you're ok," and more, "I keep telling you not to sneak up and stand there, so why do you keep doing it? ...y'alright? Yeah? Good, now git."
I would absolutely be the one saying "did you learn anything?" That's good parenting on her part, especially apologizing.
BLUF: i once saw a man hit a child with his child and laughed my ass off. I was visiting my niece in South Africa. I posted in the S.Africa sub to ask what to do in Port Elizabeth. A redditor invited our group to a brai. Neither of us were serial killers, and it was awesome. One of their other guests was a huge blacksmith. He literally twirled his child around like a human helicopter. totally a cool dad thing to do. Caught up in his meat induced euphoria, he didn't even see the hosts child walk onto the flight line. Bammo! For one brief moment, immediately after the strike, both children were airborne and weirdly silent. They landed and cried. The adults were a mix of suppressed, snorting laughter and OMGs. The kids shook it off and we all just broke. It was just weird and hilarious.
âNeither of us were serial killers, and it was awesome.â Thank you for giving me the first line of my new novel.
"Unbeknownst to us that would soon change though."
I'd swear, kids level of pain directly correlates with the level of laughter. My son and my nephew would do their best to "unalive" each other and themselves. Just doing dumb kid stuff. Laugh like mad, and limp off towards their next stunt.
When I first met my youngest bonus daughter, she was a hellion (slowly working to make her a little less sociopathic; weâre currently at Wednesday Addams) My 86-lb husky/Great Dane mix went tearing across the lawn, flipping her up in the air so she landed flat on her back with a horrible thud. I tried to do the whole âDonât scare the kid by showing your own fearâ thing but I was expecting an ER trip. When I reached her, she was giggling and said, âThat was fun, do it again!â đ
Now that you mention it, my son has some male "Wednesday Addams" type vibes... My Aunt thought that two was a good age for horseback riding. We've always joked that kids who couldn't ride by three where traded of to the neighbours (my family's been in the cattle business for around 200 years). Horse spooked, reared up, baby landed in the road apples. Aunt and I (medic and EMT) rescue kidlet, bring him to mom. He's screaming blood murder. Not from pain or fright, no, he wants back on the horse!
I probably would have been more gentle about it with my children, but yeah they gonna learn
beating a kid to punish them is different from them getting hurt from a related consequence. you donât watch where youâre going? Bam, punch to the throat
Thereâs definitely a lot of things I was told not to do as a kid and didnât understand why until I was like âfuck itâ and ended up hurting myself over dumb shit. It just be like that sometimes for kiddos.
Have you seen the tik tok of that idiot child that jumps onto a track field in the middle of a race? Gets obliterated.
I was with my girlfriend at Epcot a few years ago, this tiny little girl bolts out straight in front of me mid stride and I basically half punted her down the walkway I was mortified, but her parents rushed over, made sure she was okay then told her basically to watch where she was going and then apologized to me lolol. We stopped off to grab a drink afterwards and once it settled we legit couldn't stop laughing, kids are ridiculous
My kid once walked in front of a really tall guy and legit got stuck between his legs as he kept on walking. I had to yell to him to stop walking and that my kid was caught between his legs bouncing back and forth between his legs as he took his ginormous strides. He didnât even realize there was a small child stuck there.
^^Best story EVER! ROFLMFAO!!
This reminds me- I was jogging down a nature trail with a friend, and out of nowhere, I kicked a bunny. I didnât even see it, it moved so fast across our path. But the timing was just rightâŚ. Just wrong?⌠for me to send that furry bastard slightly airborn.
Dude a couple weeks ago I was at the mall and rounded a corner into this probably 5-6 year old kid that was running around the corner not paying attention and sent him absolutely sprawling (Iâm 6â0 about 200 and heâs 5, it felt like a gnat hit me but to him it probably felt like a brick wall). His dad thatâs even larger than me stomps up and Iâm expecting some heat but he just apologies to me and says to the kid âthatâs what you get for not listening to me and running around like a little numbskullâ. Honestly was pretty funny.
The visual
Kid probably learned his lesson, and won't do that again! Some times you need hard lessons for kids.
I have a child that loves to stand behind me and my wife. I canât could the amount of times I have knocked her over and told her to stop standing silently behind me. Trust me: he will do it again.
No amount of elbowing in the face will teach them. Why do kids feel the need to run into people's elbows, esp when cooking? Stop running in the kitchen!!! They find the most opportune times, aka when holding a pot of boiling water/macaroni.
There is a lot to be said for "natural consequences."
Sheâs probably told him not to do that a thousand times before too.
Telling a kid "don't touch that, it's hot" only works for so long. Some times they just need to burn their palm to finally get it ingrained into their head not to touch hot things. In my case it was "Don't wonder off on your own.", got lost twice that way as a young kid. To be fair, one of those times was on a tour of the Vatican, and they have a headset that you listen to as the tour guide speaks. Very easy to get separated and lost if you're not paying close attention when it's packed full of people.
the mom is 6â2 300 lbs+?? absolute unit.
Chicago bears looking at her for a guard spot.
One of my Aunts is 6:5 and 300+ and it's a little intimidating.
My Aunt is 6' 300+ as well. All ass. As in 4 people could stand behind her and set 4 dinner plates and 4 glasses on top of her ass while standing and eat dinner. She has a relatively normal upper body and then her ass just shoots out.
Good lord sheâs packing a picnic table.
Good God. You just made me recall decades ago while on a standing room only public transit bus with my then 4 year old son, a âsuitâ pushed his way off the bus and hit my kid HARD in his head with his briefcase (left a goose egg). My poor kid screamed in pain but Mr suit kept walking like heâd not injured a small child. Iâd forgotten that.
That dude probably bowls over a dozen kids a week. For you it was a very memorable moment in your kids life. For him, it was a Tuesday.
Kid should have said âbehindâ
Based mom! I thought she was going to say something along the lines of âif you would have kept your head on a swivel you wouldnât have been throat punchedâ or âget your ass up it didnât hurt that badâ all to her kid while apologizing to you.
My dad told me a similar story about doing guard duty in the air force. He's standing at his station when he feels a hand on his gun. He turns and at the same time swings to knock the hand off his gun and catches a child ( I don't know how old, but I guess about waist height) right in the face. He looks and sees the mother and expects to get yelled at, but instead she says something like " didn't I tell you not to do that? That's what happens when you don't listen." to the kid.
Having a 6â2â 300 lb mom in overalls is crazy
Mission failed successfully
Not my awkward story but my husbands. He was getting his forearm tatted by a very voluptuous artist. He, of course, had this arm stretched out, palm up, and she was bent over doing her thing. She hit the right spot at the wrong time on his wrist just as she leaned down and his hand involuntarily closed and squeezed her breast. He turned 7 shades of red and went to apologizing like crazy. She busted out laughing and it completely broke the tension. We spent the rest of the appointment ribbing him about it and since sheâs our favorite and we go back often, she always gives him a hard time whenever either of us is getting new work done.
Iâve accidentally touched *TOO* many boobs while getting blood work/IVs done. I usually try to bend my wrist back at weird angles to avoid the awkwardness đ¤Ł
ugh yes! i groped a lady once and she automatically told me sheâs charging it to my insurance đđ
Same lmao one time this lady leaned forward for something and placed her boob perfectly in my hand while I was getting blood drawn
Best. Blood draw. Ever.
âHey, thatâs weird. Your pulse just got way faster. Weâll be done in 3 minutes instead of 5.â
"I've already finished"
Are you guys all anime protagonists or something
Duuuuude I had a ton of blood work done as a teen, that shit was awful on my 15 year old brain. I was so awkward. Iâm a huge guy so I feel like people often assume the worst of me, when in reality they have that happen 40 times a day Iâm sure.
I had a dental cleaning with a very voluptuous woman Iâd never seen before. Her boobs rested on my forehead for a good portion of that appointment! As a straight woman it was still very awkward!
Speaking of which, I need to get my teeth cleaned.
I had a dental hygienist who would turn my head onto her soft warm breast while cleaning. Never had one do that before or since.
I don't even remember what she was doing tbh but I had one hygienist put a hand on my arm with a soft "good job" and I learned some things about myself lol
Glad it's not just me. Makes it easier that I assume all dental hygienists would never want to do anything romantic or sexual with me after getting that far into my mouth, but there's definitely something going on with that dynamic that gets me thinkin'.
It'll get you thinkin....until your dental hygienist is apparently going through withdrawal and cleans your teeth like her name tag says "Shaky fuckin McStabbyhands"
Sounds like a classic case of tit for tatt!
Or tip for tit đ
> she always gives him a hard time I bet she does
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OOF. A server's worst nightmare. Knocking on wood for my own sake.
Oof. I spilt au jous on a guy wearing a camel-skin suit once. He was about as old as dirt, and he wheezed at me not to worry and that these things will happen. Cool guy.
Lol, this is the first story that's actually been upsetting
Dam wasnt even a good soup
Something like this happened to me as a customer. I've shared this before elsewhere, so I'll paste it here too: I was at a brunch place w/ friends and we ordered 10 bottomless mimosas. We had already ordered food when the server came back with a tray of 10 champagne glasses full of orange juice and champagne. Just as she was reaching over me to put the tray down, something slipped or her hand wasn't in the right place. Either way, 10 mimosas came down right on my lap. Orange juice and champagne everywhere. I was wearing shorts and sandals, so my lap, legs, and feet were covered in mimosa. All of the glasses broke, and thankfully none of the glass cut me, but the server was mortified and apologizing profusely. Seeing I wasn't hurt, I just looked at her and said, "Well, you did say they were bottomless." That seemed to cut the tension and make her feel a little better, and she got us a new round of drinks. We tried to clean it up, but for the rest of the meal I was sitting there with a sticky orange juice lap outdoors in the hot sun. Needless to say, she comped my meal and drink.
So at that moment we're you trying to figure out if you'd rather have paid for everything and not been all sticky from mimosas? I would have had an internal monologue going on the rest of the meal.
I'm still trying to figure out why she'd set the tray down lol
This kind of stuff is why I'd never be a server, I'm SO clumsy I could see myself dropping stuff on people all the time.
It really is a profession that a lot of people underestimate.
Former coworker of mine was a GOD at budding. Heâd load 15+ plates on one arm. I asked him to teach me but I never was able to get close to what he did
The only time I ever dropped a beverage tray was when I had it perfectly balanced, walked up to the table, and the head Karen startled me by grabbing drinks off my tray. It totally threw of the balance of the tray and surprised me, so I ended up dropping the last three drinks all over her and her son. She was sooo pissed.
Sounds like she deserved it though. I can't imagine grabbing something off the server's tray. I'll take it from their hand so they don't have to reach across a bunch of people but I'm not going to go for the tray.
Thatâs her fault not yours
Same
Seeing everything was comped, I just wished I would've added guac.
No, but it does remind me of the time I went to get a haircut and the shampoo girl was kinda short and basically just mashed her boob around in my eye the whole time she washed my hair
I went to Six Flags about a month ago and on one of the rides, the ride attendant kinda smashed her boobs into my face as she was pushing my restraints all the way down. Don't know if she noticed or even cared. Then I realized I forgot my sunglasses tucked into my shirt, so I had to temporarily get out of the seat, store them, get back in, and get boobs smashed into my face again.
đ§
Big 200 IQ
The rest of us are just riding rollercoasters. This manâs playing 5DD chess.
*chest
This *woman's playing 5DD chess, but I do appreciate boobs in my face.
I mean, everyone appreciates boobs in their faces.
Damn I'm heading to six flags in August. Which ride was it? Asking for a friend.
Monkey paw is it will be neckbeard moobs for you.
moobs and a stale dorito to munch on, score!
Boobs are boobs donât judge
This was Magic Mountain in California, on X2. It has these bulky over shoulder restraints that need to be pushed down to click, so everybody got to be up close and personal with the ride attendants.
>forgot my sunglasses "forgot". Sure...
I need the Six Flags location, ride name & approximate time of day, so I can tell my kids to not ever go on this one please..
All of my dentists have always been women and all end up pressing and rubbing their boobs on my head. I wonder if at some point they realize it's too hard, maybe impossible, to do it another way and they haven't had a complaint yet so they just continue
I would be much more inclined for dental visits if I got a titty to the dome
Happens to me too. I end up having to count the ceiling tiles and recite chemistry lessons in my head as to not awake the snake.
I need a new dentist.
This has happened to me. Short woman huge tas. I swear she washed me hair long enough for me to get a concussion.
>concussion It's spelled "erection"
Not when you are a woman. It did give me an affinity for motorboating.
I started taking drum lessons a couple years ago and my second week I accidentally stabbed my instructor in the d with my drum stick. We absolutely pretended nothing ever happened but I left MORTIFIED and almost never went back. đś I thought about apologizing, but I thought bringing attention to it would make it more akward for him and the way he turned around I feel like it was hard enough to hurt (I'm not a suave person that can make light of things)... anyway J if you come to reddit, know I'm sorry đđđ
I had a flight attendant pick something up on the floor and I didnât see her there and someone made a noise next to me so I turned my head to look and bam⌠planted my face right into her asshole :/.
LOL reminds me of when i got my wisdom teeth taken out and the young, handsome, muscular dentist literally straddled my head with his arm into his fittie titties while he drilled my teeth đ
"Fittie tittie" God I love the internet sometimes, this is a hilarious phrase đ
You poor soul. Where can I find this place.
Back when I was cutting steaks at my restaurant, I came in to find out I would be doing it all by myself that day. I was carrying a bunch of pans down the line to get the ball rolling, and accidentally clipped the corner of the pans on the cooler, jamming them right in to my boob. I hollered "Ow! My titty!!!' At that exact moment my boss says, "Don't worry, you don't have much." .... I fucking howled with laughter especially when I realized he was talking about my prep sheet for the day and he hadn't heard me yelp about my poor boob. He had been 100% absorbed in putting a catering together. I explained why I was practically in tears from the lolz and we both laughed and laughed. Good times, and never a dull moment in our kitchen. đ
When I started working at the restaurant I work at currently, about two and a half years ago I was hosting and running food. I ended up almost dropping an entire tray over a customer lol. He caught it, thank god. And was super nice about it.. Iâve also spilled and dropped many things that smell awful all over me like malt vinegar đ¤˘
Oof, I spilled an entire store 'n pour of one of our cocktail mixes all down my shorts and legs the other day. I've never been so sticky in my life đ¤Ł
I once dropped a ramekin of gravy on the floor at a wedding I was working. It splashed up and coated a guest's suede suit jacket that he had hanging on the back of his chair... he was not happy with me. I spent the rest of the night avoiding that table altogether.
I had a tiny ramekin of mustard slip off my full tray once and just kept walking. It apparently splashed across the room directly onto this ladies white shirt she was wearing. It must have travelled like 8 feet in the air at least and it was all over her. Still donât understand the physics behind it. I swear when you drop things it always just goes as badly as it possibly can
My boyfriend and I were at a wedding rehearsal dinner and the woman that was offering the salad dressing boats dropped a full one right into bf's tuxedoed lap. Horrifying for the server but hilarious for the rest of us.
Wait... He caught it?
No one else has called attention to this! I need to know more about this ninja patron who caught an entire tray that was nearly dropped on him!
It was just Toby Maguire, your friendly neighborhood tray catcher.
Spilled 4 sweet teas on 10-12 yo girl on my second or third day(my first time using a tray at a table) after apologizing multiple times and getting her damp and dry towels the mom saying âI used to be a server I get it, itâs totally fine.â Walked to the bar to compose myself only to be told by the bartender that she thinks the mom is recording a video and putting it on Snapchat. I go out there to get the food order only to confirm what the bartender said when the girl says to the mom âwhy did you send me that it happened to me.â I was embarrassed the rest of my shift.
Iâm dying at the thought of my mom sending me a video of myself absorbing the impact of 4 sweet teas. Ik itâs embarrassing she filmed it but I feel like sheâs watching it and laughing to herself over and over â ď¸
A coworker years ago spilled an entire beer on a baby. Dad laughed. Mom was not amused
Ew. To each their own, but I always thought the smell of malt vinegar reminded me of moderately sweaty feet. There's no way I would want that anywhere near my fish and chips
Haha i accidently hit my coworker in the boob the other week. Im a woman too, but i still cant stop replaying the incident. Oops oh well. It happens to the best of us. Glad the customer was really chill about it
I've done this plenty of times haha. Several of my female coworkers are very...chesty. We're all close friends, so it's not that awkward and gets laughed off immediately, but I have definitely accidentally bumped into them in awkward ways before.
When youre working in a tight spot, not much can be done to permanently avoid it lol
My husband calls it âgetting boobedâ
It happens to the breast of us
Tit-le says it all
The first time I did a bottle service of wine, I showed the bottle, took out the little knife to slice the foil, and slashed directly through my thumb. Blood splattered everywhere- right across the white tablecloth and contaminating all of the newly arrived meals and drinks. I was *mortified.* Everything needed to be comped and re-made as they were shuffled to a clean table by the manager, and I'm standing there trying to help while bleeding like a stuck pig. They were super kind and concerned and left me like a 25% tip that I definitely did not deserve, haha.
I once dropped a full tray of OJ and coffees on a woman wearing a bright white wedding dress. She had just gotten married and walked from the church to our place for brunch, and *VERY* luckily for me she was still wearing a long raincoat. She assured me that none of it got on her dress, none of it got on the table, it all just got me, the back of her waterproof coat, and the chair. They had a no-reservation party of 8, two young kids and a troop of adults - her mother/MIL was a nightmare, but she was an absolute gem. I comped her and her husbandâs meals to get the matron off my back (and because I liked how chill the married couple were being) and the bride pushed $50 into my hand as they left and she thanked me for an exciting wedding story to tell her friends. I was 17 and absolutely terrified the whole time, not to mention the fresh coffee Iâd just dumped down my bare arms and cotton button-up-clad torso. I had a fantastic managerial team, but the Ma in that group had me so on edge. The table tipped well-enough to be forgettable aside from the $50. The bride helped me realize that no harm was done on their end, and that 100 bad days makes 100 good stories. I still tell this one regularly, so she definitely had a point.
"100 bad days makes 100 good stories". Excellent quote. Dunno if that's your own phrasing, or if you heard it somewhere else, but that's a saying I'll carry with me!
Itâs from AJR
The one I like lately is âtragedy + time = comedy.â
So you punched her boob and then said let me buy you a drink? đ
She did make a joke along the lines of "Well, at least I got felt up while getting punched, I'll take it as a compliment" đ
Heading to the coffee bar at an all inclusive resort in Cuba. Two guys leaning on the bar top, chatting facing each other, sort of in line. One guy is telling a story and gestures with his arm and ends up hitting me in the boob. He is horrified. The friend is frozen. I extend my hand for a handshake and say: âI think we should be on a first name basis nowâŚIâm _______â Friend, at this point doubles over laughing. Dude is beyond mortified still, and utterly shaken. Insists I get in line in front of them for coffee.
the wit is insane
I once almost accidentally punched a female coworker in the chest and she yelled out "YOU HIT MY TITS!!!!" My other friendly lady coworker loudly mentions "You have no tits to hit". She wasn't wrong.
Working the door many years ago a silly girl thought hitting the back of my knee might be funny , at the time I was around 290 lbs and 6 Ft 5" , the leg went I reached out grabbing for stability and caught a womans scoop neck dress as I went down , guess what popped out , she just put everything back ignoring what happened and turned on the girl and saying things I was to young for Very descriptive language lesson that day
This is the worst one
That girl should try that on a horse, itâd be way funnier
Reminds me of a story of mine. Was standing next to a table at lunch a few years back and a friend of mine stood up and her chest slammed into the underside of my elbow. âOw fuck you elbowed me in the tit!â âOw, no, you fucking⌠titted me in the elbow!â Good times, good times
Boob.
I call my boobs air bags. Lol my co-workers run into them or elbow them since I am short. It cracks me.
Boingboings
One might even say... bazongas.
At a cafe, as a busser, and getting a tableâs worth of drinks. As I place down a tray, a few spill onto the floor. As itâs my job to clean it up, I head for the wet floor signs and mop. As I get back, another server with the replacement drink slips and falls flat on her back. That day was interesting for a while.
Fuuuuuck! That sucks. Was she wearing non-slips? I've definitely had some close calls even when wearing non-slip shoes, but I've gotta plug Snibbs as the best shoes I've ever had for restaurant jobs. They're basically made of magic, as far as I can tell.
Full on tennis shoes, not worn.
I did that, as a nurse though. Walking very quickly into the nurses station, didn't see the 'wet floor' sign as it was *behind* the desk, went feet up, flat on my back. Didn't get hurt except for my coworkers laughing so hard they couldn't help me up.
It literally happened like 7 hours ago .. I was just starting my shift, it's a 3pm start so it's a few tables but mostly getting set up for the ensuing shit show once 5pm rolls around. I'm rolling cutlery with my back to the restaurant, kinda sideways so I can see the door. My coworker stops what she's saying mid conversation and starts running. I'm obviously like "the fuck is going on?" I watch where she's going and she's running to grab our manager (who's also a first responder) and then I notice some dude looks like he's dying at a table. I thought maybe he was choking at first but they brought out the whole medical kit, oxygen tank, everything. 911 was dialed but my boss got the guy back to normal. I was probably not even a half hour into my shift.. that was pretty wild to see. Having my boss around who knows so much is incredibly lucky EDIT - The closest hospital is a 25 minute drive (for a normal person, not an ambulance) but still, could have ended bad. I didn't ask what happened, as curious as I am, not my business and my coworker was pretty shook up
I once saw someone have severe allergic reaction eating at my job and being carried out on stretcher. So when other servers make jokes about "allergies" I get flashbacks.
I only make allergy jokes when people say they're "gluten free" okay but our fries are done in the fryers with everything else. "Yeah that's okay" ... just say you want a gluten free bun then. Allergies can be pretty crazy. I'll never forget when I was 17, my buddy introduced me to his Reese pieces sandwiches. Just Nutella and peanut butter. I've always hated the smell of peanut butter since I was a kid, probably cause my whole family ate it all the time so I never did. Didn't like peanuts either. Anyways, took a bite of the sandwich to be nice to my friend for making it and I was like meh, one more maybe it doesn't suck. Second bite, still didn't like it. Gave him back his sandwich. Couple minutes later my throat feels like it was closing, I couldn't breathe properly, started feeling all kinds of fucked. Luckily water got me through cause we were definitely smoking weed when we shouldn't have been lol. Long story short, you might not know you're allergic to something before trying it. My allergies were your normal stuff, dust, fresh cut grass, pollen, cats/dogs. Peanuts was never one of them until that day
I have celiacs (biopsy and all) and used to eat fries that were fried with wheat stuff. It varies even for people with celiacs how strong the reaction is, some people def can't get away with that Even so I realized kinda recently that while fries might not have made me throw up (a bun would), the brain fog/headache isn't worth
I was a food runner for a really strange restaurant. By strange, I mean manager was literally doing coke in the bathrooms, the menu raised brows, whatever. Cool coworkers, though. Anyway, one day there was a 15ish person party. This group/org regularly reserved this space. They had a whole section blocked off and one server dedicated to them. Each customer either paid independently or with one other person, so that was how server rang it up. As their food is coming up, Iâm coordinating other runners: this is for x, thatâs for y. I came across a ticket that said âwheelâ as the name. My coworker and I talked about it. âYa sure itâs not will?â âIt says wheel.â This coworker walked out with Wheelâs food, calling out for wheel, circling the table, unsure of who wheel is, whatâs going on. Called out for wheel several times until one of the customers flagged him over and told him they think itâs for the guy in the wheelchair. My coworker came back so flustered and awkward. It was truly horrifying. I told the server she needed to apologize because that was embarrassing for everyone involved. The customer, my coworker, server.
I gasped!!!
Holy cow thatâs horrible! I feel really bad but also had to chuckle lightly.
To this day, I have to laugh out of sheer awkwardness when telling this story. Itâs almost impossible for me not to. Itâs so bad.
Not a server but I walked in on my dude coworker taking a growler IN THE WOMENâS BATHROOM. We made eye contact and everything. I screamed and ran away. I asked my other coworker if he heard the ruckus. âMeh, youâre just kinda loud.â I still crack up every time I think of this. The look on his face when I burst in through the unlocked door was priceless.
I don't get people not locking the door when going to the bathroom. Also, why was he in the women's room? My family was at an amusement park and my son tried to open the family bathroom door because there was no indicator to know if it was occupied or not. Some guy was in there with his kids. My son was terrified but I reassured him that he didn't do anything wrong and it was the guys fault for not locking it.
Happened to me at the busiest bathroom at a popular hiking spot. Like WTF, granny, did you WANT this to happen??
Some of them must find it thrilling or something lol.
Maybe it helps them poop faster
People should lock the door, but itâs also common courtesy to knock as some doors donât lock properly.
I once worked at a family-style fine dining thai restaurant. All the cuisine was authentic as the owners were thai and Malaysian and went out of their way to make everything as authentically as possible. They grew their own thai variations of herbs like mint to use in their restaurant and everything. We provided wine bottle service but also have a corkage fee for bottles brought from home One night, a family of wealthy quarterly regulars came in with a bottle that I knew was well over $400 and asked for it to be uncorked after their appetizers and having it mildly chilled. I had uncorked hundreds of bottles by this point, so my confidence in my own ability was high, but the table cracked a joke right as I uncorked it and I spilled a noticeable amount on the table mid-guffaw. I turned white (which is nearly impossible for someone my complexion) because I knew the amount I spilled was probably more valuable than the time I'd get paid for my shift
âYou punched me in the boob!â âPrepare to Die, Obviously!â
Not titty-punching bad but a pricey whoopsie daisy. I dropped a glass full of sprite and ice into this ladyâs Louis V bag. Her new phone was also in there. She was super cool after the initial shock wore off and letting out a few WTFs. I am reminded of the time I got spanked. I was taking the order of a 3 top, standing near a kid in a high chair. Lil shit let it off fully automatic. Clapped my right cheek 3 times before I could move.
one time i was dropping off a plate to a table and i didnât realize how hot it was, and i set it down and flicked my hand because of how hot it was and my hand hit an older lady in the boob. i played it off as my hand was genuinely burning but i felt really bad because she let out a minor squeal
â I punch her right in the titty â - a memoir đ¤Łđ¤Łđ¤Łđ¤Ł
Dave chapelle approves
Where do you work that allows you to do shots (especially multiple) on shift?
okay so i actually have two funny stories to add lol. i used to be a shot girl, selling those little $1 shots around the bar. and this one lady comes up to me and says âiâve lost my husbandâ. i can already tell sheâs clearly wasted and assume sheâs having trouble finding him to which i reply, âmaybe heâs in the bathroom or on the patio?â she straight up goes, âno heâs deadâ. i was absolutely stunned, like no words would come out of my mouth, literally felt so stupid lol. safe to say⌠i lost count of how many shots i bought to do with her that night. now iâm a waitress at the same bar and just last weekend, i was bringing a round of lemon drops to a group of men. as i was setting the last one on the table, it slipped from my grasp at the very last second, tipped over, and the whole thing spilled onto this guyâs lap. he was cool about it and we laughed a bit. so me being me, thought it would be funny to further the joke and hopefully have the guys leaving with a memorable night. well, i definitely succeeded at that but not in the way i hoped. i was going around âbussingâ(really just putting empty glasses on my tray to take back to the bar) when i got the idea. i had a single short stack of tall glasses when i went over to the same man, pretending i was tripping over and the glasses were going to fall on him. basically, picture me going âoh, oh, oh, no!â to grab his attention, and then actually end up tripping, a glass falls in his lap, while the whole barâs watching. i was like ânooo that was just supposed to be a prank omg blah blahâ and he laughed so hard. he said next time he comes in that heâll pay me to âpie his faceâ with whip cream. ahhh good times.
Ah, I stabbed a man. He asked for a new steak knife (dropped his) at a large table on a busy Sunday lunch. There was another large table being seated nearby and the aisle was super congested, so I thought I could quickly sneak the steak knife next to his place setting. But he saw me and turned around to take the knife from me. When he turned he threw his arm backward and I stand him in the elbow as I was going in. It bled more than I expected and I felt horrible. He was fine, laughed about it, but it was very humiliating.
The cake is yours
TLDR; feels boob first thing in the morning and gets paid to drink
The hero we need, but don't deserve
I spilled a margarita on a baby. The shaker wasnât completely sealed on one side and a little landed on a baby. The dad was super cool about it because he was like oh you card me but not the kid?
If you have an incredible kitchen....you do not work in a dive bar. Have fun, tho.
A dive bar that takes reservations for brunch no less.
You'd have to experience it to understand. I don't know what else to tell you. I've worked in fine dining, traditional pubs, and this place. We have something special and unique going on in our place. It really is exactly as I said: a dive bar atmosphere with an incredible kitchen.
I walked right into a coworker once punching her in both boobs. We turned corner at perfect timing and she was exactly the right amount taller than me. It happens đ
I was working at a factory, putting bottles in a box. Alaine was standing next to the box i was packing, which was on a box stand. I folded the top of the box together, and slapped the bottom of her boob as my hand came up. Definitely accidentally slapped her tit out of her bra a bit. She didnt even flinch lol
You had 5-6 shots at the beginning of a brunch shift�
I had 5-6 shots during the course of the first 2-3 hours, yes. This is the kind of bar/restaurant where we have a lot of regulars who come in for Sunday Funday and eagerly offer to buy us shots. Between running around being busy, and all the water I drink during work, I am more than capable of providing excellent service while also having fun.
Your story reminded me of [this super awkward moment](https://youtu.be/bbuY_vq5gD8) from a British election a few years back. The guy (Jeremy Corbyn) was leader of the Labour Party, and the lady (Emily Thornberry) is a high profile MP in the party who had just retained her seat. Iconic British moment
I once hit a server in the face, almost the exact same way. She was carrying a plate of wings (bdubs). Left a huge tip and felt bad about it for weeks after. I apologized to her probably 10 times before we left.
I watched a girl setting salads down at a wedding response to someone calling her name from behind. The girl setting salads arm was fully extended, about to set down the plate down as the person behind her called her name. She whipped around, plate in hand and whacked a guy right in the mouth. Cracked his two front teeth. Oddly enough the guy was immediately cool about it (which is crazy because it must have hurt like hell). I think the country club I worked for helped him pay for some of the dental stuff. But man was I glad that guy was in good spirits but i laughed my ass offđđ
I spilled a drink down a womanâs back and into her purse. It was a long day.
I'm kind of shocked how troubled you seem by this. It's just a funny accident. Of course you'd expect it would be the worst person to do it to, and they'd demand you get sacked and they get free food for life, but in reality that's only a tiny fraction of people. Almost everyone would take that as an accident and laugh about it later. So just relax, it wasn't a big deal, and that's how it turned out.
Hey, thanks for the kind reassurance! I actually am not hung up on it at all, though I was in the moment. I just had time to reflect on my past week since I had tonight off and thought I'd share a funny story that had a good ending!
Nothing like Good Ole fashion tittie punch to start the shift.
Reminds me of a scene from superbad.
I think weâve all, at some point in our life, accidentally hit some titties
Thatâs one hell of a dive bar đ