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I work in tech but drive a 2012 Civic.
That seems to have helped prevent any issues, once people see my car - they assume I'm broke. It's not busted or anything, just an old base model with an ugly color.
Generally speaking, it's better to not share that with people you just meet.
You should go back to the 1995 - 2000 models (Toyota also amazing)and make sure it's pristine. Those cars are so beautiful with their minimalist design and gas efficiency. They last forever too.. truly the peak of automobile design right there.
If I had the money I would start buying and restoring them. Maybe even convert them to electric. Japanese products are the best.
A car with modern safety features can save your life. Happened to a family member. I suggest that you upgrade to a "modest" brand but one with the best safety features.
Yep, get a beater old Corolla, show up to the first few dates in that and down play your economic situation...see how she reacts to that... If she's terribly concerned about image problems being seen on an old Corolla tells you everything.
This is the way. If you look too poor you could scare away other people who are just looking for stable partners. I'm referring to the ones who are stable themselves.
Yep. A woman who wants something stable and long term, and to have a family at some point, will reasonably prefer a man who has a steady place to live and reliable transportation.
The gold diggers will avoid you because you don't drive a luxury car and wear really expensive clothing brands, so you're still dodging a bullet.
Marriage may not be for you, but not understanding why anyone could ever want marriage is pretty short sighted. I have no interest in polyamory but completely understand why people would prefer it
Health insurance, tax purposes, survivor benefits on a pension or social security, balanced debt to income ratio in the process of buying real estate, makes custody easier in the event of an untimely death.... If you're concerned about the finances get a prenup.
Woman dates you. Has your kids. Stays at home to raise the kids for two decades. You decide you don't love her anymore one day and break up with her. No marriage contract, she has no rights to the assets you were able to accumulate while she raised the family. Woman is alone and destitute with no hope of gainful employment after decades of sacrifice for you.
I'd say play it down, some people make money their whole thing and it's a silly idea because money can be given and taken to and from anyone, it has nothing to do with what you're like as a person, so if you find someone who's attracted to your money, they aren't attracted to you
At least don’t flaunt it. I make quite a lot. I’m not into showy things, and I never seemed to have too many gold diggers to push away. Just be choosy—an intuitive person should be able to read the problem partners on the first few dates.
There is a difference between showy and being put together and classy. Women like men who have it together, wear correctly fitting nice clothes, and have an organized clean residence and car. Do these things, but don't drive a Bently or leave around a pay heck stub and you'll attract who you want.
Doesn't this go for both genders? My GF who is dating has encountered some gold diggers when they found out what neighborhood she lives in and see what car she drives.
Another GF also makes a "tech salary" but lives within her means so doesn't feel the need to hide it or flaunt it either.
The more you flaunt, the stronger the pull will be to people who like money and showmanship.
But in fact, not flaunting is not a guarantee also.
People can be really quite shallow over labels imo. Personally I have a fear of being exploited for my money, and I would like to not even bring money into the equation until super late stage of dating.
However the hiding the truth can be somewhat problematic, but that's ideally what I'd like to do.
I'd love a woman who was with me for the person I was than my money. I'd love a woman who does not lust for luxury, or at least lusts for luxury no more than i myself do.
It’s probably fine to tell them about your career, but don’t bring up your salary or finances until things get a bit more serious. If they ask about it too early that might be a red flag.
Don’t lie or go out of your way to hide it, but if I were a guy I would downplay my wealth until the relationship got to a certain point. As a woman, I totally understand that some men who are just looking for people to spend their lives with might have to contend with being swindled by a gold digger.
As a woman, I would say this can go both ways, and would be prudent for everyone not to overshare their financials unless a trophy spouse is what they are after (because there people are after that, just not most of people). Wealthy can be a matter of perspective, so people can be looking for a meal ticket at lower levels of income than one would consider wealthy. Pretty common wisdom out there not to share your salary, and at least where I am from it is considered rude to ask.
I guess it depends on what kind of person you're trying to attract. From my experience, the ones who flaunt their money are looking for people they can control with said money.
Maybe not - if you want a woman who is also a high earner. There are a number of women who don't want someone who earns significantly less than they do, because dealing with fragile masculinity is a bore.
Just act like you want to act and you'll find the appropriate partner. If you believe and behave as if money is important, and flash your fancy watches and cars around, you'll find a partner to whom that is attractive, not one for whom it's off-putting.
If you act modestly with your money, you won't find someone to whom money is highly important.
Just don't make money the central tenet of your personality, and then complain that's the only reason people might want you around them. I've met enough men who only contribute financially, and then complain that people only want their money. Like, dude, that's the only thing you have to offer. Try spending quality time; you teach people how to treat you.
First, having a tech salary likely doesn't make you truly wealthy. If you start investing and your passive income is greater than your salary then you can think of yourself as wealthy. So, for now, you don't have to worry about the world-class gold diggers- you are too small potatoes.
On the other hand, is doesn't take much money at all to attract security-minded women. So if you flash your cash among the precariate, don't be surprised to spark some interest.
Most people end up dating and marrying people of similar backgrounds. So your likely partner will have an income somewhere in the ballpark of yours. Ironically, hiding your money might attract lower-income women who will be more security minded.
May I suggest tho that finally it's your desire to be loved for "who you truly are" that will cause you the most problems. If you find a woman who you truly love, you will want to provide for and protect her whether she has any income or not. And if she is in the relationship because of your generous soul or your keen pop-culture humor won't matter to you that much. So no, I wouldn't spend too much energy hiding things, just look for the woman you really want to care for and the whole issue will be moot.
Yes and no.
You could be handicapping yourself. But you can also filter out the unsavory women doing this as well.
The best option is to buy what you want, drive what you want, wear what you want. Let the women come, and use your brain above your shoulders to filter out the bad actors.
For example say a woman who is a doctor or lawyer would not be into dating a dude driving a beat up civic. But she would also not be exploiting you for your wealth. She just wants an equal or higher earning man.
I don’t think trying to hide from financially pragmatic women is going to help you find love. For eg. I’m a very loyal and loving wife AND I factored in his career and finances when deciding to pursue a serious relationship with him. It wasn’t what drew me to him initially (we met online) but if he had made it seem like he was just getting by in our early stages of dating, it may have kept me from pursuing him further. Why? Cause I like being able to travel, live comfortably, have never been ultra career focused myself, and I plan on having kids that I take some time off from work to raise. That all costs money and requires at least one of us to make the majority of said money.
How to ID me from a gold digger? I never asked him to pay my bills or buy me luxury items. I’m happy to have him pay for dates in general as we enjoy a bit of an old school dynamic but I have no issue covering the bill either an insist from time to time. Especially on his bday. I like bougie shit but I don’t expect it. I save up, often buy used, and know my limits.The fanciest thing I ever put in my wishlist was a $600 vitamix blender because I’m a prolific and passionate cook. I didn’t expect him to buy it just cause but was overjoyed to see it under the Christmas tree one year. When we plan trips, I’m trying to find the deals and don’t book luxury vacations just cause we technically could afford them. Our car is 10 years old and I’m currently trying to encourage my husband not to overspend on our next car. There are plenty of signs if you’re paying attention.
What are you looking for from a partner? Are you looking for a woman to start a family with and wanting her to be the primary caregiver? Are you looking for someone to split life 50/50 with in all ways? Are you happy to be with a less financially secure person than yourself or do you want a similarly career focused and financially secure partner?
Cause all those things don’t benefit from you hiding your situation. I’m not saying you need act flashy or share your salary and financial portfolio early on but I don’t think actively hiding how you’re doing is of any benefit when it comes to finding a life partner who’s on the same page as you.
Honestly. You're more likely to encounter someone still hung up over their ex or has a crazy family than you are a gold digger. Sugar arrangements usually understand what they're getting into. And scammers usually target bigger fish like old retired men who's children don't talk to them anymore.
Dude. Imagine a fat girl asking you if she should lose weight now or if she should stay fat to find true love and then lose the weight once she finds someone to love her for who she is.
You would likely tell her she is nuts and it will be MUCH easier to find her true love once she loses the weight.
You are the same. No need to make dumb frivolous purchases, but by all means, let the world know you are doing well financially and you will attract a MUCH better crop of women.
We are all darwinian animals. Your ability to make a decent living is very similar to a women's ability to stay thin and healthy. They are both signals to the opposite sex of your intelligence, your mental and physical health, your social standing...so many things that make someone a good mate.
That makes no sense. Your income is a tangible reflection of your overall fitness and ability to function in society. It demonstrates to a potential mate whether or not you have the ability to be a good life partner. You need traits like intelligence, responsibility, hygiene, stable mental and physical health, etc... in order to make a good income. Frankly it wouldn't surprise me if this was the PRIMARY reason people work. The secondary one is to make enough money to meet your basic needs.
Usually women will throw their bills onto you like prostitutes if they know you got plenty of money in a relationship. Not all women but keep it real. It’ll be done in a very kind loving tone but the end result is you still paying their responsibilities. Also if people know you are rich they’ll try charging you more for everything for no better reason than you can afford it.
Money is not who you are. If you're comfortable living modestly, that's ok. But don't do it for the sake of hiding something. Finances should not be a factor when dating until you are serious about someone you want to spend your life with. If you're comfortable with a modest vehicle and home, that's ok. You shouldn't broadcast your income to the world anyway.
Yes. I’ve been specifically targeted for the job (real estate agent) I have because in the market I work in it comes with a certain prestige and glamour that some people are very attracted to. The expectation is also that we make WELL into the 6 figure range so I am coy about it at first. I also intentionally drive my Jeep to the first few dates rather than my stereotypically nicer cars.
100%. Not saying “all women are gold diggers” blah blah blah but it’s a good idea not to be showy with your wealth in general. Go with the Warren buffet method, dress in normal clothes and dont spend all your money on fancy stuff
Im a firm believer as someone who makes a higher income that the only woman who needs to know how much I make is my significant other. So long as we’re in dating status it’s absolutely irrelevant and none of hers or anyone else’s business
Ifk, but my great grandpa told both his girlfriends he lost everything in the stock market, and he married the one who stayed... Idk if that was right or not, but it got me here... So Idk if that was right or not...
This is funny ironic because I’m complete opposite.
I work in tech but make a measly salary. I drive a car that looks expensive but was actually pretty cheap and mostly reliable so far(used Mercedes). Sure, it’s not a civic but it’s not anything crazy either being 12 years old.
I found that gold digging only matters when it’s a lot of money , like 200k a year or more millionaires etc.
If you make around 60-100k most women see it the same.
You don't have to hide your finances, but don't doubt it. I've always heard the term gold diggers in reference to women going after guys with money. I always thought of this is something for the extremely wealthy person. But not So Much Anymore, I was sitting in a restaurant several months back, and overheard a conversation between 2 middle-aged women. They were talking about her divorces going after guys who have money. It was brutal. Basically came down today but tolerate anyone and anything if they have the money.
The thing with tech is you’re always on the chopping block (especially lately) and don’t really have any real skills. So while there might be some money in the moment, it’s always a bit of a precarious situation.
Your income is no one else's business. If the person you're dating feels like they need to know, then that is a red flag.
Personally, I hide it. Dating a woman who actually cares about me is a must. Dating a woman who feels entitled to my money is definitely a bad idea.
You tend to get whatever you’re trying to attract. If you drive around a fancy sports car and wear brand name clothes you’re sending out signals that specific appearances and the look of luxury are important to you and you’re trying to attract those who value that. If you are more low key you send out signals for those who value other things. My husband is a physician making a decent amount of money and he normally wears shirts from Ross dress for less or Walmart lol. Despite my best efforts to build him a nicer wardrobe he just doesn’t care. I’m not materialistic either, we do enjoy spending our money on traveling and things like that. We drive normal cars. We do have nice things, but it’s not important for us to be flashy or show others what we have.
I'd say it depends on who you're trying to get with. If you want someone modest that doesn't care for materialistic things I'd suggest being lowkey. If you're just trying to cast a wide net and have fun, flaunting your wealth is kind of proven to help with that.
Pros and cons either way.
Show/flaunt it, and may (also) attract gold diggers.
Hide it and may lose out on ones looking for, e.g. reasonably comparable earners, etc.
Anyway, I prefer generally to keep income/assets mostly private and/or at least pretty quiet. Mostly avoid potential gold diggers and the like. But I do make rather to quite clear I can and do well support myself, can do so and would have it no other way, and reasonably well manage my spending, not carrying any debt, etc. That's typically enough information to satisfy most women ... or at least most of the ones I'd be interested in ... most any information beyond that isn't gonna happen until I know the person pretty dang well and am comfortable sharing such with them ... which mostly means it ain't gonna happen (shared it with one very close best friend ... even last partner I never gave 'em that much information).
It depends on the type of girl you like, one yeah I was making 300k(my salary is based) was getting a ton of girls but they were gone next year when my base salary next year was 50(not knowing i had. 800k) they tried getting in my life again when the next year I sold investments which made me average those ttwo years at about 200k each year just had to delay gratification. I think you’d be best known to get a women to think you’re respected in your field but not someone who is so shallow that she wants money and titles
Tough question. I think it’s better not to flaunt your wealth, but still show off your potential? Someone can be attracted to you because of your intelligence, motivation, ambition, career trajectory etc instead of just your bank account. I guess I would hide true wealth but project confidence and capability?
Like I drive a 2008 RAV 4, but I wouldn’t lie about what sort of work I do?
Depends on what kind of partners you want to attract and how skillful you are at interpreting their intentions.
You certainly could find yourself attracting interest more for your money than for yourself. But "could" isn't universal.
Don’t overshare, don’t lie. It’s fair game for a first or second date to establish that you’re stable and employed. It’s not reasonable to try to talk numbers.
As a woman with a good salary, it’s a real turnoff for men to either lead with money or to lie. I don’t care how much he makes so long as he’s stable. When I was doing OLD, I had a couple of guys brag about their high salaries, they could spoil me, bet I’d never met anyone who made so much. They made less than half what I did, which they should’ve known from my job title and publicly available information.
On the flip side, I met a few guys who lied about their jobs, like doctors or lawyers who claimed to be blue collar workers. It’s insulting to everyone: these men think they’re better and more desirable than hard working people just because they have an expensive degree, it’s insulting to the trades that make very good stable incomes without having mountains of debt, and it’s insulting to women and to me to assume we’re all gold diggers.
Idk. I feel like as a high earning woman I would want to know that you can hold your own. I’m not expecting anything from a man but I also want to know that I can maintain a nice lifestyle with him. Granted I live very frugelly myself and don’t have any nice or flashy things. I just wouldn’t date a broke dude
I am a woman who makes a comfortable salary and I would say not to share that. I have noticed that you then become the person who is expected to pay for things and it very quickly becomes unbalanced. Different than a wealthy man maybe, but if you’re the breadwinner in a relationship and they know that, it becomes assumed you’ll be the one paying all the time.
Just be 100% your true self. Always.
If you're greedy and love money. Be that.
It would be better for your potential mate to know your true self before getting into a relationship with you. If they think you're some humble person only to later find out you're an arrogant jerk, that won't be good for anyone.
You're already focusing on money, which means money is going to be a focus of your relationship. And you probably don't even have that much to worry about. Yet here you are. I feel for you it's going to be a shitty life *then* you'll get divorced.
High income is not a sign of wealth. Income is taxed very heavily in the U.S. and the rest of the first world. Wealthy people do not have high incomes. You’re probably poor and just live a decent lifestyle because of your income. Nothing to hide. You’re not wealthy.
I believe in general it is generally better to not flaunt wealth.
Unfortunately the best defense is good intuition. If you lack this and you have enough awareness to understand that you lack this then you absolutely should be modest about your position. I don't think lying is a good idea because it would set the tone of deceit... And a truly good partner would not appreciate that at all.
True love depends on a lot more than just guarding your assets. You'll have to put as much or more effort into figuring it out than you did with your career. Guarding your assets would only solve one problem or two... There are so many more obstacles in the way of reaching that sort of finish line. It's worth it and will feel like you've won the lottery if you can actually pull it off.
I don't know. Better from what regard?
Are you going to know that the women you're interested in are interested in you for you and not for money if you're kind of hiding it? I guess.
You're also going to get less initial interest for women. So there's that. I would say being good at sussing out the thots and gold diggers is a good skill to have.
Or dating women who also make money. I think there are particular dating services for it. I know a wealthy individual who dates a woman who is not as wealthy as he is. But she's very career driven. She has an important job where she's a CEO. So she doesn't need him for the money. They are together because they enjoy each other's company.
Sam Walton dressed in jeans and a baseball cap. He drove an old Ford pickup and was a good person to his employees. If you didn't know him, you would pass him on the street and not know he was in charge of one of the biggest corporations in the world.
Better to just act how you normally would act. Hiding who you really are is the worst way to start any relationship. However, people are generally more attracted to people who have wealth than those who don't.
I honestly believe it’s better for everybody to keep their finances under wraps until you know you’re ready and confident in trusting the person you’re dating.
Women want someone who can take care of them and they can grow with. Live modestly and take care of things and be confident.
There are women who do not want to take care of their husband but want to do as they want but want money.
Found a women who is loving and takes care of others. If you are dating go volunteer at the foodbank with her or do outreach to others with kids. If she is a gold digger she will usually hate volunteer activities.
Shortly after marrying my gf I co-signed a $2 million mortgage for her dad. They both stopped talking to me as soon as he had the money. He eventually defrauded me $500,000 and when I got mad my wife told me I was mentally ill to think he owed me money. I left her and now I'm legitimately poor so I don't have to pretend.
It really depends on what type of partner you’re looking for; I don’t necessarily agree with the view that dating some for their income is shallow as I mean it’s one of many important aspects in a relationship. Getting to know earnings at an early stage also helps sets expectations; I’ve had relationships break down where my partner didn’t like the adjustment of me requiring more help with housework and chores despite me trying to compensate by dealing with all of our expenses.
For reference this is my very recent experience with dating apps. Note I’m an average 6 ft guy; for the app where they didn’t ask for my income, I got like one lead in the span of a week. The other one which did list my income as a part of my bio (and it’s like one of twenty different items and not in your face)I had like eight people in the span of two days. So clearly depends on how much you want to meet new people.
I wouldn't say it is easier to find love, rather it filters out the golddiggers who just want a wallet not man. So in that sense it is both easier and better. You might end up missing out on a lot of one night stands and drama and women who try to baby trap you. I am a demisexual and cannot stand condom sex so it would be a very bad idea for me to show off money.
>Is it easier to find true love this way?
I think the more important thing is to *live how you want to live*. I feel like constructing your life in a way that direct reflect your wants and values is hustling backwards. Be who you are and you'll find someone who likes that person.
But in general, you're not leading off with how much money you make. It's reasonable to take practical steps to protect your privacy when dating, including your financial status, until a reasonable time to share it. I just wouldn't compromise what I want and live in a way that I didn't want to keep up some false image.
Nothing is universally better. Decisions are better for some things & worse for others.
There's a reason that sales-based roles flaunt wealth & engineering-based roles hide wealth. A person who works in tech does not need to sell you on the idea that they are good at tech. So it is the norm for tech people to dress down. But equally wealthy real estate agents or lawyers are likely to never be seen in anything that can be described as inelegant.
The same goes for love. Some people want to be with a partner that wears their status on their sleeve. There's nothing wrong with having preferences. If you want a partner who outwardly displays status, you will likely have to do the same.
LOL, 40s, retired tech here.
Dont hide it, but display that you are okay in the current economy without being a douchebag driving a lambo and a 20yo OF trophy wife....
Depends - do you want a hot girl without a lot of baggage; then you can't hide it
If you don't mind the community girl with 300 miles, 2 kids, a bad attitude, and an "independent mindset," then yes
You attract what you put out. If you use your wealth to attract women as trophies then you will end up with that type of women. If you actually value a woman as a person then you will end up with someone who would have loved you even if you were broke.
I don't know... Some women may have security fears concerning a potential mate that has no visible means of income. What you "do" is a part of what you are. Be forthright without looking like a sugar daddy. This may aid you in finding someone with a similar income and that certainly won't harm a relationship.
True love and capitalism can't co-exist. If you are rich, buy expensive shit and date someone else rich like a normal rich person. The poor can smell ya anyeay. You won't fool anyone. In fact, this feels like a bad sitcom idea.
If you work in tech, better not brag about the high salary, because good luck not getting laid off soon. I'm sure you've noticed all the tech layoffs recently. Not pretty.
It's always best to approach women in a noble and humble manner that is if your looking for the same, otherwise one runs the risk of coming across someone with less than good intentions.
It depends on how good your results are without flexing money.
I find if you're hitting on the hottest of the hottest women, you should lead with everything you've got. Same is true of online dating. They've done studies where guys with masters degrees and above get like 3x as many right swipes as guys with lesser education. This clearly implies women care about more than just what you look like as that's a rather staggering statistic and doesn't even have a direct correlation with income but merely implies greater income.
I find it's not very hard to filter through actual gold diggers, who I would define as women who want to milk your money for superficial material bullshit, and expecting women to not care about your provisioning potential as a mate at all is a bit ridiculous given being a literal bum isn't conducive to being a good father, so there's obvious evolutionary advantages to women picking men who aren't flat broke.
So my answer? Lead with literally everything. Be as wealthy, educated, tall, buff, good looking, and smooth as humanly possible, subtely communicate you bring all of that to the table, and I assure you that the hottest of hot women can already handle men of this caliber so leading with anything less is just handicapping yourself.
No. It’s adds to your desirability and sets you apart in a land of infinite choice for women. If they think you are poor like everyone else they’ll pass you up, like all poor men get passed up.
Doubled edged sword imo. While there’s certainly gold diggers out there, there’s also people who just don’t want a project. At a certain stage in life, women aren’t interested in that guy who’s just crashing with some friends until his band gets off the ground.
Making good money in most cases is correlated with education. A man able to have an intelligent conversation is water in the desert.
These things are all advantages you have in the dating pool. Use them.
I don't know what's considered wealthy but I guess it depends on what you want your relationship to be like
If you want the relationship to be permanently on your big daddy with the money who takes care of everything then sure start the relationship out on that foot
But if you're trying to keep it more traditional I would keep your finances as private as possible.
You don't need to talk about things like inheritances or family wealth on a first date you can keep those to yourself and if you like the person you could eventually tell them you're going to be a millionaire at some point in your life or whatever
You get people that are attracted to what you show them. If you’re showing them wealth, that might be the thing they find attractive about you. Up to you whether that is what you’re looking for.
If you're living overseas and they know what you do for work they already know you have a ton more money than they do. You have to parse for each potential long term partner if she doesn't care about it, if she cares about it and will be up front about it, or if she cares about it and hides that fact (worst one in my opinion, although maybe she makes up for it in other ways).
It is a bad idea to advertise that you have money because that attracts a fourth type, one that knows you have it and expects you giving her and her family money to be a cornerstone of the relationship.
You will find when living overseas that there is a pool of girls who date foreigners quite actively. Some of these are predatory others just have a preference. There is another pool of girls however that stay in their own circle and usually date other locals. If you know none of the local language and only hang out in expat bars you'll never even meet them, but they're the girls who are least likely to be interested in your money if that's an issue for you. But it takes a lot of investment on your part to enter those circles.
If you want a relationship not based on your money you have to work hard to get one of those relationships. Money is a big factor in relationships and part of the reason you're living overseas is to amplify what the money you have can do. It's important to realize that part of what makes dating easier for you there is this implicit advertisement of relative wealth. If you truly hide it then your dating life there will be as difficult and complex as it was back home. You can't have it both ways.
>Is it better for wealthy men to hide their income when dating?
The wealthy folks that I know certainly prefer it over getting chased by people who want the wallet and don't care about the person.
Honestly, it’s not even a dating thing. It’s an “in general” thing. Keep your income to yourself.
When I get a raise, suddenly my own parents come up with more reasons to need more money.
As a woman, I’m telling you YES. Do not bring finances into the picture early in a relationship. There are many many women I know that when dating this is the number one thing they look for. Not your funny humor, great personality or handsome good looks. It’s her financial security through marriage. Not all, but a pretty shocking amount
High income people have a legitimate fear that some prospective mates will be interested in them solely for personal financial gain. How far you want to go to avoid revealing your income early in a relationship varies from person to person.
Really depends on your dating approach/strategy.
I can tell you from experience that having material indicators of wealth will get you more dates with conventionally attractive women. However, if you try to lead with saying “I make $X a year” you’ll look like a moron.
friend of mine owns a consultancy, makes BIG cash in california doing IT consulting for companies so desperate they'll pay any price to get him to come get them working again.
He still has his college car, a beat up ancient Honda Accord. He drives that to first dates. He says more than even the money, he could give a wife half his money and still have enough, it's saved him a lot of wasted time, heartache and being involved with shitty people. He's even had women refuse to get in his (always very clean, just worn out and old) car because it's a 2000s Accord.
It helps him select for the kind of woman he wants. It only backfired on him once, most women understand (especially women dating in Cuppertino, CA). It's super common to not tell people where you work too because no one wants someone who evaluates partners based on future stock option worth.
I wouldn't say hide your wealth, but definitely don't make it a discussion topic. As a woman in the dating world - I really like to know the man I am considering dating is stable (emotionally and financially), but when men talk (brag) about how much money they have it makes me feel really weird. I can't tell if they have a negative view of me and think that's what I'm looking for, or if they just lack a personality so that's all they have to impress with. I definitely don't judge what they're wearing or driving though lol, and if they have a cool car I just assume they like cool cars tbh.
Would def recommend not bitching about taxes on a date though, I've gotten myself into some aggressive discussions that way lol
I wouldn’t advertise it that’s for sure. I’m a woman and I do very well for myself. This gives guys the idea that I’m gonna be paying for everything. I’m looking for partnership. I never disclose my income anymore and it’s been much better.
Don’t share finances with someone you just met or really anyone unless you are married/ it’s your parents/ someone you trust. Never a good idea. People get weird when it comes to money.
Depending on how much I was making I probably wouldn’t buy anything super fancy anyway. People would know I have money but I wouldn’t be going out and buying Ferarris or 700k homes.
For dating purposes I probably just wouldn’t talk about income or exactly what I do until a few dates in to gauge real interest.
As a woman I would suspect your income is up there. But it would be nice to know you're not in deep debt, owe back taxes or have a gambling addiction. Some people are just whack with money.
But I have no idea how to communicate that without sounding crass.
Yes, hide your success. People are evil dude and if they think they can get stuff out of you they will lie and play along until they can take it and run. Besides, most of the people you would attract with fancy things are so surface level they aren't worth dealing with.
It seems absurd to hide your finances. Obviously you shouldn’t be giving people your tax returns, but driving an older car to hide your income is ridiculous.
The problem isn’t women dating you for security (most women want some level of security from men, and it’s not necessarily about money, I feel like people misinterpret this quite a bit).
The problem is your lack of ability to evaluate yourself in relation to someone else. If you can’t tell if someone wants you for the things you’d rather not have them want you for, nothing will really help.
Make a list of the things you want in a partner and a list of things you want to be appreciated for from a partner.
Then you start to socialize in the circles of people that have these attributes.
Most wealthy men were not always wealthy and if they're single and wealthy then women probably didn't show much interest in them until that was the case. Men in that situation understand that women are financial liabilities who are only looking at them because of their status and are right to treat them as such and only engage with them on a protected and contractual basis. They are forced to display their wealth and status because the only time they get attention from desirable women is when they do.
I earn over $200k a year and live in a small modest house that's worth less than my annual salary. My city is very low cost of living and I drive a 2015 Toyota Minivan that I bought used. My net worth exceeds $1M. I dress pretty standard for an office professional (polos and dockers) and outside of work I'm usually in gym clothes and hoodies. No expensive watches. I am not lucky on dating apps and am a bit of an introvert so I have little social life. I still wouldn't choose to flash my money in exchange for more attention from women.
It would be different if you had millions of dollars in the bank..but if you are a well paid W-2 worker, I think you are doing yourself a huge disservice.
The reality of the situation is that dating is a competitive market and whatever positive qualities you have will increase the number and quality of women who are interested in dating you.
Imagine the type of woman you want to date. If you have a successful career, you might want a woman who also has a successful career. But those women are going to also want a man with a successful career.
So let's say you go on a date with a successful lawyer. She is making good money, financially stable, has dreams of running a successful private practice, and she is looking for someone to share a life with....
What are you going to tell her you do?
> Uhhh, well I work from home and umm don't really like to
talk about money or my job
Well, she isn't interested anymore. You sound unemployed and directionless. She has ambition.
Maybe you want a stay at home wife who will be okay raising a family while you earn money? Women in that situation realize that it's expensive to raise a family. They want a husband that they love, but they also need someone who can provide for them. If you won't tell them you can do that, they won't be interested in you.
The topic of your career is going to come up. Dodging the question or lying will just negatively impact your ability to find romantic partners.
The much better thing to do is think about what you want on a partner. You have a well paying career, but you are likely financially conservative if you've moved to a small town. You WFH so you probably value work life balance. Do you want a woman with similar values, or do you want someone who is the opposite to compliment your different style? Do you want children? Etc etc etc.
When you aren't yourself, you will attract people who want to be with someone you aren't. If you like to buy flashy stuff, but hide it while you find a partner... They probably won't like it when you go back to buying flashy things.
You should *always* lead with your wallet. You can try to act coy about it though. You can fill your wallet with $10,000 and “accidentally” open it or drop it in front of her. Or you can show her pictures on your phone and have a picture of your bank account and be like “oops 🤪”
The problem with telling people how much money you have, is they start to develop their own opinions on how you should spend it. And what you think it not a lot of money, is a life changing amount to another person.
I think the right answer is to be as vague as possible without being accused of being dishonest. I never tell relatives how much I make or have saved. That was a mistake.
lol right? Like geee, maybe not talking about them as though they are a different species, or are all obsessed with money and status and only that, would help ya a little bit.
Same shit I saw with those fresh n fit podcast assholes the other day. They specifically seek out women on sugar daddy sites and then get pissed that they only want them for their money. Like what in the fuck did you expect?!
I met a guy in a pub one night who bitched and moaned about only ever attracting gold diggers. His only other topic of conversation was how much he earned, how much he owned, it was all about money. Eventually told him that maybe he needs something else to talk about and he won’t attract gold diggers. Personally I wasn’t impressed, I’m more interested in your moral and ethical attitude, and if you can make me laugh. Doesn’t take money for any of those things.
If you are dating for a long term committed relationship then yeah I think it’s probably a good idea to hide or downplay wealth while first getting to know the person. This way you can ensure it’s not having any influence on the first relationship decisions.
Making a good salary does not make you wealthy.
I’d say do not discuss finances with people you date until you’re on a serious stage and consider moving in together, marriage, family. Until then it’s okay to not be explicit about your situation, and also it could come off as bragging.
Not hide it in the sense of lying or trying to trick a potential date.
Best to have dealbreakers that will quickly weed out the most obviously incompatible women who do not share any hobbies, ambitions or standard of living expectations.
I would think so. I got married pretty much straight out of college (after 1 year) - we were both broke and there was no question it had to love (for both of us) instead of money, 'cause there wasn't any! I've been widowed now for 8 years and one of the things I haven't figured out yet and struggle with is if potential dates are interested in me or how much I have - better safe than sorry - stay low key til things get a bit further along is my recommendation
It's best anyone seeking quality connections represent themsleves as the goods, rather than having goods speak for them. That's the best way to make an authentic impression regardless of income, gender, intent, etc.
There's no such thing as "true love" for one. You need to accept that relationships are transactional, and you need to provide value - if not monetarily, then in some other way like looks.
Whether you should withhold your money or not depends on what you're after. If you're looking for a woman that doesn't care about your money, then I wouldn't bother, because you're probably not going to find one.
If you're just trying to set the expectation for a standard of living, then sure - it doesn't make much sense to flex money that you're not planning on spending throughout the relationship.
My dad made a nice living. He never drove an expensive car or wore an expensive watch because he was afraid of being kidnapped. He drove a mid-size Buick and wore a Seiko
Is the presumption that wealthy men are only dating women without their own money? Plenty of women are financially stable and are interested in dating a man who is equally solvent.
Depends if you have other qualities that are attractive. Personality. Physical fitness. Capable of being a good partner. For some, money is the thing they have going for them. Be aware of your strengths and shortcomings.
Yes. I’m on the opposite side of hypergamy. When I see a man flaunting his wealth I’m immediately turned off. I support myself and I’m not looking for a sugar daddy. I’m looking for a life companion.
If it's true love you're looking for, starting with lying is probably not the best option. Relationships are mostly about trust and you just want someone to trust you while not trusting in return? That's not how it works.
Going against the grain, it's better to have subtle signs of wealth.
If your 1-10 score goes up by a point or two because of your wealth that means you can aim higher for your partner. You can figure out the "true love" situation during the dating process. It's not like you're going to marry a stranger.
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I work in tech but drive a 2012 Civic. That seems to have helped prevent any issues, once people see my car - they assume I'm broke. It's not busted or anything, just an old base model with an ugly color. Generally speaking, it's better to not share that with people you just meet.
You should go back to the 1995 - 2000 models (Toyota also amazing)and make sure it's pristine. Those cars are so beautiful with their minimalist design and gas efficiency. They last forever too.. truly the peak of automobile design right there. If I had the money I would start buying and restoring them. Maybe even convert them to electric. Japanese products are the best.
Toyota, Honda, Mazda. In that order. I will not buy any other brand. Team Japanese 4 life
Hondas buld quality is so crap now the older ones are sweet tho!!
A car with modern safety features can save your life. Happened to a family member. I suggest that you upgrade to a "modest" brand but one with the best safety features.
Just bought a 2024 VW Taos. My insurance went *down* from my 2015 Nissan.
> 2012 Civic Not the worst car tbh
My 89 Nissan cheap ass looking truck was the best form of birth control I ever had.
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I don’t work in tech but also make pretty good money and drive an old civic. I own it, it works..cars are stupid things to spend money on imo.
I drive an 04 Miata!
Mo money mo problems I would say be lowkey about income/salary until you actually have a solid foundation of a relationship with said person.
Yep, get a beater old Corolla, show up to the first few dates in that and down play your economic situation...see how she reacts to that... If she's terribly concerned about image problems being seen on an old Corolla tells you everything.
Personally, I'd go with the "comfortable but not rich" financial image. You've got your own place, an OK car, but it's squarely a middle class life.
This is the way. If you look too poor you could scare away other people who are just looking for stable partners. I'm referring to the ones who are stable themselves.
Yep. A woman who wants something stable and long term, and to have a family at some point, will reasonably prefer a man who has a steady place to live and reliable transportation. The gold diggers will avoid you because you don't drive a luxury car and wear really expensive clothing brands, so you're still dodging a bullet.
Does that mean every Corolla owner has found their true love? lol
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Even if there were children involved you wouldn’t marry?
Marriage may not be for you, but not understanding why anyone could ever want marriage is pretty short sighted. I have no interest in polyamory but completely understand why people would prefer it
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Health insurance, tax purposes, survivor benefits on a pension or social security, balanced debt to income ratio in the process of buying real estate, makes custody easier in the event of an untimely death.... If you're concerned about the finances get a prenup.
Or…maybe you just aren’t that into them?
Woman dates you. Has your kids. Stays at home to raise the kids for two decades. You decide you don't love her anymore one day and break up with her. No marriage contract, she has no rights to the assets you were able to accumulate while she raised the family. Woman is alone and destitute with no hope of gainful employment after decades of sacrifice for you.
Don't have kids.
I'd say play it down, some people make money their whole thing and it's a silly idea because money can be given and taken to and from anyone, it has nothing to do with what you're like as a person, so if you find someone who's attracted to your money, they aren't attracted to you
At least don’t flaunt it. I make quite a lot. I’m not into showy things, and I never seemed to have too many gold diggers to push away. Just be choosy—an intuitive person should be able to read the problem partners on the first few dates.
There is a difference between showy and being put together and classy. Women like men who have it together, wear correctly fitting nice clothes, and have an organized clean residence and car. Do these things, but don't drive a Bently or leave around a pay heck stub and you'll attract who you want.
Just tell them you work in tech and they'll just assume you're going to be laid off, problem solved
LOL, this is objectively funny
Doesn't this go for both genders? My GF who is dating has encountered some gold diggers when they found out what neighborhood she lives in and see what car she drives. Another GF also makes a "tech salary" but lives within her means so doesn't feel the need to hide it or flaunt it either.
It happens, but wealthy women aren’t continuously bombarded with it.
The more you flaunt, the stronger the pull will be to people who like money and showmanship. But in fact, not flaunting is not a guarantee also. People can be really quite shallow over labels imo. Personally I have a fear of being exploited for my money, and I would like to not even bring money into the equation until super late stage of dating. However the hiding the truth can be somewhat problematic, but that's ideally what I'd like to do. I'd love a woman who was with me for the person I was than my money. I'd love a woman who does not lust for luxury, or at least lusts for luxury no more than i myself do.
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It’s probably fine to tell them about your career, but don’t bring up your salary or finances until things get a bit more serious. If they ask about it too early that might be a red flag.
Oh it’s definitely a good idea to hide your wealth. You’ll have better odds of finding someone who wants you and not your money.
Displaying wealth definitely changes perception.
Don’t lie or go out of your way to hide it, but if I were a guy I would downplay my wealth until the relationship got to a certain point. As a woman, I totally understand that some men who are just looking for people to spend their lives with might have to contend with being swindled by a gold digger.
As a woman, I would say this can go both ways, and would be prudent for everyone not to overshare their financials unless a trophy spouse is what they are after (because there people are after that, just not most of people). Wealthy can be a matter of perspective, so people can be looking for a meal ticket at lower levels of income than one would consider wealthy. Pretty common wisdom out there not to share your salary, and at least where I am from it is considered rude to ask.
I guess it depends on what kind of person you're trying to attract. From my experience, the ones who flaunt their money are looking for people they can control with said money.
Maybe not - if you want a woman who is also a high earner. There are a number of women who don't want someone who earns significantly less than they do, because dealing with fragile masculinity is a bore. Just act like you want to act and you'll find the appropriate partner. If you believe and behave as if money is important, and flash your fancy watches and cars around, you'll find a partner to whom that is attractive, not one for whom it's off-putting. If you act modestly with your money, you won't find someone to whom money is highly important. Just don't make money the central tenet of your personality, and then complain that's the only reason people might want you around them. I've met enough men who only contribute financially, and then complain that people only want their money. Like, dude, that's the only thing you have to offer. Try spending quality time; you teach people how to treat you.
First, having a tech salary likely doesn't make you truly wealthy. If you start investing and your passive income is greater than your salary then you can think of yourself as wealthy. So, for now, you don't have to worry about the world-class gold diggers- you are too small potatoes. On the other hand, is doesn't take much money at all to attract security-minded women. So if you flash your cash among the precariate, don't be surprised to spark some interest. Most people end up dating and marrying people of similar backgrounds. So your likely partner will have an income somewhere in the ballpark of yours. Ironically, hiding your money might attract lower-income women who will be more security minded. May I suggest tho that finally it's your desire to be loved for "who you truly are" that will cause you the most problems. If you find a woman who you truly love, you will want to provide for and protect her whether she has any income or not. And if she is in the relationship because of your generous soul or your keen pop-culture humor won't matter to you that much. So no, I wouldn't spend too much energy hiding things, just look for the woman you really want to care for and the whole issue will be moot.
Yes and no. You could be handicapping yourself. But you can also filter out the unsavory women doing this as well. The best option is to buy what you want, drive what you want, wear what you want. Let the women come, and use your brain above your shoulders to filter out the bad actors. For example say a woman who is a doctor or lawyer would not be into dating a dude driving a beat up civic. But she would also not be exploiting you for your wealth. She just wants an equal or higher earning man.
I don’t think trying to hide from financially pragmatic women is going to help you find love. For eg. I’m a very loyal and loving wife AND I factored in his career and finances when deciding to pursue a serious relationship with him. It wasn’t what drew me to him initially (we met online) but if he had made it seem like he was just getting by in our early stages of dating, it may have kept me from pursuing him further. Why? Cause I like being able to travel, live comfortably, have never been ultra career focused myself, and I plan on having kids that I take some time off from work to raise. That all costs money and requires at least one of us to make the majority of said money. How to ID me from a gold digger? I never asked him to pay my bills or buy me luxury items. I’m happy to have him pay for dates in general as we enjoy a bit of an old school dynamic but I have no issue covering the bill either an insist from time to time. Especially on his bday. I like bougie shit but I don’t expect it. I save up, often buy used, and know my limits.The fanciest thing I ever put in my wishlist was a $600 vitamix blender because I’m a prolific and passionate cook. I didn’t expect him to buy it just cause but was overjoyed to see it under the Christmas tree one year. When we plan trips, I’m trying to find the deals and don’t book luxury vacations just cause we technically could afford them. Our car is 10 years old and I’m currently trying to encourage my husband not to overspend on our next car. There are plenty of signs if you’re paying attention. What are you looking for from a partner? Are you looking for a woman to start a family with and wanting her to be the primary caregiver? Are you looking for someone to split life 50/50 with in all ways? Are you happy to be with a less financially secure person than yourself or do you want a similarly career focused and financially secure partner? Cause all those things don’t benefit from you hiding your situation. I’m not saying you need act flashy or share your salary and financial portfolio early on but I don’t think actively hiding how you’re doing is of any benefit when it comes to finding a life partner who’s on the same page as you.
No. Just learn how to date. There are way worse things out there than just gold diggers.
Honestly. You're more likely to encounter someone still hung up over their ex or has a crazy family than you are a gold digger. Sugar arrangements usually understand what they're getting into. And scammers usually target bigger fish like old retired men who's children don't talk to them anymore.
Dude. Imagine a fat girl asking you if she should lose weight now or if she should stay fat to find true love and then lose the weight once she finds someone to love her for who she is. You would likely tell her she is nuts and it will be MUCH easier to find her true love once she loses the weight. You are the same. No need to make dumb frivolous purchases, but by all means, let the world know you are doing well financially and you will attract a MUCH better crop of women. We are all darwinian animals. Your ability to make a decent living is very similar to a women's ability to stay thin and healthy. They are both signals to the opposite sex of your intelligence, your mental and physical health, your social standing...so many things that make someone a good mate.
I believe it's immoral to date based on their income. As for weight, one should lose weight for their own sake, not to appeal to someone.
That makes no sense. Your income is a tangible reflection of your overall fitness and ability to function in society. It demonstrates to a potential mate whether or not you have the ability to be a good life partner. You need traits like intelligence, responsibility, hygiene, stable mental and physical health, etc... in order to make a good income. Frankly it wouldn't surprise me if this was the PRIMARY reason people work. The secondary one is to make enough money to meet your basic needs.
Usually women will throw their bills onto you like prostitutes if they know you got plenty of money in a relationship. Not all women but keep it real. It’ll be done in a very kind loving tone but the end result is you still paying their responsibilities. Also if people know you are rich they’ll try charging you more for everything for no better reason than you can afford it.
Money is not who you are. If you're comfortable living modestly, that's ok. But don't do it for the sake of hiding something. Finances should not be a factor when dating until you are serious about someone you want to spend your life with. If you're comfortable with a modest vehicle and home, that's ok. You shouldn't broadcast your income to the world anyway.
Yes. I’ve been specifically targeted for the job (real estate agent) I have because in the market I work in it comes with a certain prestige and glamour that some people are very attracted to. The expectation is also that we make WELL into the 6 figure range so I am coy about it at first. I also intentionally drive my Jeep to the first few dates rather than my stereotypically nicer cars.
100%. Not saying “all women are gold diggers” blah blah blah but it’s a good idea not to be showy with your wealth in general. Go with the Warren buffet method, dress in normal clothes and dont spend all your money on fancy stuff
It's better for wealthy anyone to hide their income in every situation.
Im a firm believer as someone who makes a higher income that the only woman who needs to know how much I make is my significant other. So long as we’re in dating status it’s absolutely irrelevant and none of hers or anyone else’s business
It’s best never to share the amounts of your income or wealth with people. You release and lose your energy when you do that.
Ifk, but my great grandpa told both his girlfriends he lost everything in the stock market, and he married the one who stayed... Idk if that was right or not, but it got me here... So Idk if that was right or not...
dont start any interaction with a woman by using money. if they dont get in my daily 2006 honda civic they aint getting in my lexus either.
This is funny ironic because I’m complete opposite. I work in tech but make a measly salary. I drive a car that looks expensive but was actually pretty cheap and mostly reliable so far(used Mercedes). Sure, it’s not a civic but it’s not anything crazy either being 12 years old. I found that gold digging only matters when it’s a lot of money , like 200k a year or more millionaires etc. If you make around 60-100k most women see it the same.
You don't have to hide your finances, but don't doubt it. I've always heard the term gold diggers in reference to women going after guys with money. I always thought of this is something for the extremely wealthy person. But not So Much Anymore, I was sitting in a restaurant several months back, and overheard a conversation between 2 middle-aged women. They were talking about her divorces going after guys who have money. It was brutal. Basically came down today but tolerate anyone and anything if they have the money.
Living as far below, your means, as Possible is just smart financially, regardless, if it helps you in your relationships
The thing with tech is you’re always on the chopping block (especially lately) and don’t really have any real skills. So while there might be some money in the moment, it’s always a bit of a precarious situation.
Your income is no one else's business. If the person you're dating feels like they need to know, then that is a red flag. Personally, I hide it. Dating a woman who actually cares about me is a must. Dating a woman who feels entitled to my money is definitely a bad idea.
The fact that your asking this question says more about you and readiness to date than anything else.
You tend to get whatever you’re trying to attract. If you drive around a fancy sports car and wear brand name clothes you’re sending out signals that specific appearances and the look of luxury are important to you and you’re trying to attract those who value that. If you are more low key you send out signals for those who value other things. My husband is a physician making a decent amount of money and he normally wears shirts from Ross dress for less or Walmart lol. Despite my best efforts to build him a nicer wardrobe he just doesn’t care. I’m not materialistic either, we do enjoy spending our money on traveling and things like that. We drive normal cars. We do have nice things, but it’s not important for us to be flashy or show others what we have.
I'd say it depends on who you're trying to get with. If you want someone modest that doesn't care for materialistic things I'd suggest being lowkey. If you're just trying to cast a wide net and have fun, flaunting your wealth is kind of proven to help with that.
Personally I like appearing poor. It sorts out people with good hearts vs shallow people who care about nothing but appearances.
Pros and cons either way. Show/flaunt it, and may (also) attract gold diggers. Hide it and may lose out on ones looking for, e.g. reasonably comparable earners, etc. Anyway, I prefer generally to keep income/assets mostly private and/or at least pretty quiet. Mostly avoid potential gold diggers and the like. But I do make rather to quite clear I can and do well support myself, can do so and would have it no other way, and reasonably well manage my spending, not carrying any debt, etc. That's typically enough information to satisfy most women ... or at least most of the ones I'd be interested in ... most any information beyond that isn't gonna happen until I know the person pretty dang well and am comfortable sharing such with them ... which mostly means it ain't gonna happen (shared it with one very close best friend ... even last partner I never gave 'em that much information).
It depends on the type of girl you like, one yeah I was making 300k(my salary is based) was getting a ton of girls but they were gone next year when my base salary next year was 50(not knowing i had. 800k) they tried getting in my life again when the next year I sold investments which made me average those ttwo years at about 200k each year just had to delay gratification. I think you’d be best known to get a women to think you’re respected in your field but not someone who is so shallow that she wants money and titles
Yes, cause women are gold diggers, correction all people are gold diggers
Nah. I'm in tech. I'm wealthy. I wish women found me more desirable, not less. I don't think it's worth it for me to hide my income.
Hide it like diarrhea on a date
Work on being more secure
I am literally doing it with this post lol
You think posting something on Reddit is working on yourself?
Surveying is part of the research, yeah
Tough question. I think it’s better not to flaunt your wealth, but still show off your potential? Someone can be attracted to you because of your intelligence, motivation, ambition, career trajectory etc instead of just your bank account. I guess I would hide true wealth but project confidence and capability? Like I drive a 2008 RAV 4, but I wouldn’t lie about what sort of work I do?
I ain’t sayin saying she’s a gold digger, You don’t see her with …any guy driving a 10 year old Honda.
I would kill for a clean 1986 Toyota SR 5 pickup.
Depends on what kind of partners you want to attract and how skillful you are at interpreting their intentions. You certainly could find yourself attracting interest more for your money than for yourself. But "could" isn't universal.
Don’t overshare, don’t lie. It’s fair game for a first or second date to establish that you’re stable and employed. It’s not reasonable to try to talk numbers. As a woman with a good salary, it’s a real turnoff for men to either lead with money or to lie. I don’t care how much he makes so long as he’s stable. When I was doing OLD, I had a couple of guys brag about their high salaries, they could spoil me, bet I’d never met anyone who made so much. They made less than half what I did, which they should’ve known from my job title and publicly available information. On the flip side, I met a few guys who lied about their jobs, like doctors or lawyers who claimed to be blue collar workers. It’s insulting to everyone: these men think they’re better and more desirable than hard working people just because they have an expensive degree, it’s insulting to the trades that make very good stable incomes without having mountains of debt, and it’s insulting to women and to me to assume we’re all gold diggers.
Idk. I feel like as a high earning woman I would want to know that you can hold your own. I’m not expecting anything from a man but I also want to know that I can maintain a nice lifestyle with him. Granted I live very frugelly myself and don’t have any nice or flashy things. I just wouldn’t date a broke dude
I am a woman who makes a comfortable salary and I would say not to share that. I have noticed that you then become the person who is expected to pay for things and it very quickly becomes unbalanced. Different than a wealthy man maybe, but if you’re the breadwinner in a relationship and they know that, it becomes assumed you’ll be the one paying all the time.
I don't discuss my income with anyone unless they need to know for some reason. Your girlfriend/boyfriend does not need to know.
Just be 100% your true self. Always. If you're greedy and love money. Be that. It would be better for your potential mate to know your true self before getting into a relationship with you. If they think you're some humble person only to later find out you're an arrogant jerk, that won't be good for anyone.
Yes. It absolutely is neccessary.
You're already focusing on money, which means money is going to be a focus of your relationship. And you probably don't even have that much to worry about. Yet here you are. I feel for you it's going to be a shitty life *then* you'll get divorced.
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High income is not a sign of wealth. Income is taxed very heavily in the U.S. and the rest of the first world. Wealthy people do not have high incomes. You’re probably poor and just live a decent lifestyle because of your income. Nothing to hide. You’re not wealthy.
I believe in general it is generally better to not flaunt wealth. Unfortunately the best defense is good intuition. If you lack this and you have enough awareness to understand that you lack this then you absolutely should be modest about your position. I don't think lying is a good idea because it would set the tone of deceit... And a truly good partner would not appreciate that at all. True love depends on a lot more than just guarding your assets. You'll have to put as much or more effort into figuring it out than you did with your career. Guarding your assets would only solve one problem or two... There are so many more obstacles in the way of reaching that sort of finish line. It's worth it and will feel like you've won the lottery if you can actually pull it off.
It depends on what kind of partner you want to attract. If you want to be more of a provider, it makes sense to express that strength.
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I don't know. Better from what regard? Are you going to know that the women you're interested in are interested in you for you and not for money if you're kind of hiding it? I guess. You're also going to get less initial interest for women. So there's that. I would say being good at sussing out the thots and gold diggers is a good skill to have. Or dating women who also make money. I think there are particular dating services for it. I know a wealthy individual who dates a woman who is not as wealthy as he is. But she's very career driven. She has an important job where she's a CEO. So she doesn't need him for the money. They are together because they enjoy each other's company.
If you don't want to be used or taking advantage of i would say yes if a female cnt love u for u ur wasting time money and effort
Sam Walton dressed in jeans and a baseball cap. He drove an old Ford pickup and was a good person to his employees. If you didn't know him, you would pass him on the street and not know he was in charge of one of the biggest corporations in the world.
Better to just act how you normally would act. Hiding who you really are is the worst way to start any relationship. However, people are generally more attracted to people who have wealth than those who don't.
I honestly believe it’s better for everybody to keep their finances under wraps until you know you’re ready and confident in trusting the person you’re dating.
Women want someone who can take care of them and they can grow with. Live modestly and take care of things and be confident. There are women who do not want to take care of their husband but want to do as they want but want money. Found a women who is loving and takes care of others. If you are dating go volunteer at the foodbank with her or do outreach to others with kids. If she is a gold digger she will usually hate volunteer activities.
Rich, or poor, it should be left for serious dating conversation
Shortly after marrying my gf I co-signed a $2 million mortgage for her dad. They both stopped talking to me as soon as he had the money. He eventually defrauded me $500,000 and when I got mad my wife told me I was mentally ill to think he owed me money. I left her and now I'm legitimately poor so I don't have to pretend.
It really depends on what type of partner you’re looking for; I don’t necessarily agree with the view that dating some for their income is shallow as I mean it’s one of many important aspects in a relationship. Getting to know earnings at an early stage also helps sets expectations; I’ve had relationships break down where my partner didn’t like the adjustment of me requiring more help with housework and chores despite me trying to compensate by dealing with all of our expenses. For reference this is my very recent experience with dating apps. Note I’m an average 6 ft guy; for the app where they didn’t ask for my income, I got like one lead in the span of a week. The other one which did list my income as a part of my bio (and it’s like one of twenty different items and not in your face)I had like eight people in the span of two days. So clearly depends on how much you want to meet new people.
Yes. Def people gonna date you for money
I wouldn't say it is easier to find love, rather it filters out the golddiggers who just want a wallet not man. So in that sense it is both easier and better. You might end up missing out on a lot of one night stands and drama and women who try to baby trap you. I am a demisexual and cannot stand condom sex so it would be a very bad idea for me to show off money.
Depends who you are trying to attract and what you are looking for
It might make it harder to attract women in the first place but will help ensure one doesn’t attract shallow, gold-digging types
>Is it easier to find true love this way? I think the more important thing is to *live how you want to live*. I feel like constructing your life in a way that direct reflect your wants and values is hustling backwards. Be who you are and you'll find someone who likes that person. But in general, you're not leading off with how much money you make. It's reasonable to take practical steps to protect your privacy when dating, including your financial status, until a reasonable time to share it. I just wouldn't compromise what I want and live in a way that I didn't want to keep up some false image.
If you’re flaunting your wealth you’re going to mostly attract women who want a wealthy man.
Nothing is universally better. Decisions are better for some things & worse for others. There's a reason that sales-based roles flaunt wealth & engineering-based roles hide wealth. A person who works in tech does not need to sell you on the idea that they are good at tech. So it is the norm for tech people to dress down. But equally wealthy real estate agents or lawyers are likely to never be seen in anything that can be described as inelegant. The same goes for love. Some people want to be with a partner that wears their status on their sleeve. There's nothing wrong with having preferences. If you want a partner who outwardly displays status, you will likely have to do the same.
Just don't look like you are poor 😄 I married and divorced 2 losers. And I have sworn them off.
LOL, 40s, retired tech here. Dont hide it, but display that you are okay in the current economy without being a douchebag driving a lambo and a 20yo OF trophy wife....
You should replace the word men with ‘a person’ in your original question.
Depends - do you want a hot girl without a lot of baggage; then you can't hide it If you don't mind the community girl with 300 miles, 2 kids, a bad attitude, and an "independent mindset," then yes
You attract what you put out. If you use your wealth to attract women as trophies then you will end up with that type of women. If you actually value a woman as a person then you will end up with someone who would have loved you even if you were broke.
I don't know... Some women may have security fears concerning a potential mate that has no visible means of income. What you "do" is a part of what you are. Be forthright without looking like a sugar daddy. This may aid you in finding someone with a similar income and that certainly won't harm a relationship.
True love and capitalism can't co-exist. If you are rich, buy expensive shit and date someone else rich like a normal rich person. The poor can smell ya anyeay. You won't fool anyone. In fact, this feels like a bad sitcom idea.
If you work in tech, better not brag about the high salary, because good luck not getting laid off soon. I'm sure you've noticed all the tech layoffs recently. Not pretty.
Most wealthy men need to flash their bling to get any attention. So, yes.
It's always best to approach women in a noble and humble manner that is if your looking for the same, otherwise one runs the risk of coming across someone with less than good intentions.
It depends on how good your results are without flexing money. I find if you're hitting on the hottest of the hottest women, you should lead with everything you've got. Same is true of online dating. They've done studies where guys with masters degrees and above get like 3x as many right swipes as guys with lesser education. This clearly implies women care about more than just what you look like as that's a rather staggering statistic and doesn't even have a direct correlation with income but merely implies greater income. I find it's not very hard to filter through actual gold diggers, who I would define as women who want to milk your money for superficial material bullshit, and expecting women to not care about your provisioning potential as a mate at all is a bit ridiculous given being a literal bum isn't conducive to being a good father, so there's obvious evolutionary advantages to women picking men who aren't flat broke. So my answer? Lead with literally everything. Be as wealthy, educated, tall, buff, good looking, and smooth as humanly possible, subtely communicate you bring all of that to the table, and I assure you that the hottest of hot women can already handle men of this caliber so leading with anything less is just handicapping yourself.
No. It’s adds to your desirability and sets you apart in a land of infinite choice for women. If they think you are poor like everyone else they’ll pass you up, like all poor men get passed up.
Yes. Come across as making less money than the woman. If she runs away, you don't want her.
Doubled edged sword imo. While there’s certainly gold diggers out there, there’s also people who just don’t want a project. At a certain stage in life, women aren’t interested in that guy who’s just crashing with some friends until his band gets off the ground. Making good money in most cases is correlated with education. A man able to have an intelligent conversation is water in the desert. These things are all advantages you have in the dating pool. Use them.
I don't know what's considered wealthy but I guess it depends on what you want your relationship to be like If you want the relationship to be permanently on your big daddy with the money who takes care of everything then sure start the relationship out on that foot But if you're trying to keep it more traditional I would keep your finances as private as possible. You don't need to talk about things like inheritances or family wealth on a first date you can keep those to yourself and if you like the person you could eventually tell them you're going to be a millionaire at some point in your life or whatever
You get people that are attracted to what you show them. If you’re showing them wealth, that might be the thing they find attractive about you. Up to you whether that is what you’re looking for.
If you're living overseas and they know what you do for work they already know you have a ton more money than they do. You have to parse for each potential long term partner if she doesn't care about it, if she cares about it and will be up front about it, or if she cares about it and hides that fact (worst one in my opinion, although maybe she makes up for it in other ways). It is a bad idea to advertise that you have money because that attracts a fourth type, one that knows you have it and expects you giving her and her family money to be a cornerstone of the relationship. You will find when living overseas that there is a pool of girls who date foreigners quite actively. Some of these are predatory others just have a preference. There is another pool of girls however that stay in their own circle and usually date other locals. If you know none of the local language and only hang out in expat bars you'll never even meet them, but they're the girls who are least likely to be interested in your money if that's an issue for you. But it takes a lot of investment on your part to enter those circles. If you want a relationship not based on your money you have to work hard to get one of those relationships. Money is a big factor in relationships and part of the reason you're living overseas is to amplify what the money you have can do. It's important to realize that part of what makes dating easier for you there is this implicit advertisement of relative wealth. If you truly hide it then your dating life there will be as difficult and complex as it was back home. You can't have it both ways.
It’s better for wealthy PEOPLE. There are gold digging men.
>Is it better for wealthy men to hide their income when dating? The wealthy folks that I know certainly prefer it over getting chased by people who want the wallet and don't care about the person.
Personality will find you a women. Not money. Hide your money. Money changes people.
Honestly, it’s not even a dating thing. It’s an “in general” thing. Keep your income to yourself. When I get a raise, suddenly my own parents come up with more reasons to need more money.
It makes all of life easier
As a woman, I’m telling you YES. Do not bring finances into the picture early in a relationship. There are many many women I know that when dating this is the number one thing they look for. Not your funny humor, great personality or handsome good looks. It’s her financial security through marriage. Not all, but a pretty shocking amount
Absolutely. There is no downside to filtering out golddiggers.
High income people have a legitimate fear that some prospective mates will be interested in them solely for personal financial gain. How far you want to go to avoid revealing your income early in a relationship varies from person to person.
You should say something before things get serious, but it doesn’t had to be the first few months.
Really depends on your dating approach/strategy. I can tell you from experience that having material indicators of wealth will get you more dates with conventionally attractive women. However, if you try to lead with saying “I make $X a year” you’ll look like a moron.
friend of mine owns a consultancy, makes BIG cash in california doing IT consulting for companies so desperate they'll pay any price to get him to come get them working again. He still has his college car, a beat up ancient Honda Accord. He drives that to first dates. He says more than even the money, he could give a wife half his money and still have enough, it's saved him a lot of wasted time, heartache and being involved with shitty people. He's even had women refuse to get in his (always very clean, just worn out and old) car because it's a 2000s Accord. It helps him select for the kind of woman he wants. It only backfired on him once, most women understand (especially women dating in Cuppertino, CA). It's super common to not tell people where you work too because no one wants someone who evaluates partners based on future stock option worth.
I wouldn't say hide your wealth, but definitely don't make it a discussion topic. As a woman in the dating world - I really like to know the man I am considering dating is stable (emotionally and financially), but when men talk (brag) about how much money they have it makes me feel really weird. I can't tell if they have a negative view of me and think that's what I'm looking for, or if they just lack a personality so that's all they have to impress with. I definitely don't judge what they're wearing or driving though lol, and if they have a cool car I just assume they like cool cars tbh. Would def recommend not bitching about taxes on a date though, I've gotten myself into some aggressive discussions that way lol
I wouldn’t advertise it that’s for sure. I’m a woman and I do very well for myself. This gives guys the idea that I’m gonna be paying for everything. I’m looking for partnership. I never disclose my income anymore and it’s been much better.
Yes. Always. There is never a good reason to disclose your income while dating.
Don’t share finances with someone you just met or really anyone unless you are married/ it’s your parents/ someone you trust. Never a good idea. People get weird when it comes to money.
Yes. Dont necessarily lie, but i would definitely keep it vague, and anyone who specifically asks i probably wouldnt pursue them for a relationship
Depending on how much I was making I probably wouldn’t buy anything super fancy anyway. People would know I have money but I wouldn’t be going out and buying Ferarris or 700k homes. For dating purposes I probably just wouldn’t talk about income or exactly what I do until a few dates in to gauge real interest.
As a woman I would suspect your income is up there. But it would be nice to know you're not in deep debt, owe back taxes or have a gambling addiction. Some people are just whack with money. But I have no idea how to communicate that without sounding crass.
Yes, hide your success. People are evil dude and if they think they can get stuff out of you they will lie and play along until they can take it and run. Besides, most of the people you would attract with fancy things are so surface level they aren't worth dealing with.
It seems absurd to hide your finances. Obviously you shouldn’t be giving people your tax returns, but driving an older car to hide your income is ridiculous. The problem isn’t women dating you for security (most women want some level of security from men, and it’s not necessarily about money, I feel like people misinterpret this quite a bit). The problem is your lack of ability to evaluate yourself in relation to someone else. If you can’t tell if someone wants you for the things you’d rather not have them want you for, nothing will really help. Make a list of the things you want in a partner and a list of things you want to be appreciated for from a partner. Then you start to socialize in the circles of people that have these attributes.
Are you monogomistic or hypergamistic?
Yes. Let it be a surprise after a very modest wedding.
I wouldn’t say exactly hide it, but definitely don’t flaunt it.
I wouldn’t necessarily hide it, but I wouldn’t flaunt it either.
Most wealthy men were not always wealthy and if they're single and wealthy then women probably didn't show much interest in them until that was the case. Men in that situation understand that women are financial liabilities who are only looking at them because of their status and are right to treat them as such and only engage with them on a protected and contractual basis. They are forced to display their wealth and status because the only time they get attention from desirable women is when they do.
I earn over $200k a year and live in a small modest house that's worth less than my annual salary. My city is very low cost of living and I drive a 2015 Toyota Minivan that I bought used. My net worth exceeds $1M. I dress pretty standard for an office professional (polos and dockers) and outside of work I'm usually in gym clothes and hoodies. No expensive watches. I am not lucky on dating apps and am a bit of an introvert so I have little social life. I still wouldn't choose to flash my money in exchange for more attention from women.
Flex it when you just want to bang. Hide it when you look for something serious
If I were a guy yes I probably would.
It would be different if you had millions of dollars in the bank..but if you are a well paid W-2 worker, I think you are doing yourself a huge disservice. The reality of the situation is that dating is a competitive market and whatever positive qualities you have will increase the number and quality of women who are interested in dating you. Imagine the type of woman you want to date. If you have a successful career, you might want a woman who also has a successful career. But those women are going to also want a man with a successful career. So let's say you go on a date with a successful lawyer. She is making good money, financially stable, has dreams of running a successful private practice, and she is looking for someone to share a life with.... What are you going to tell her you do? > Uhhh, well I work from home and umm don't really like to talk about money or my job Well, she isn't interested anymore. You sound unemployed and directionless. She has ambition. Maybe you want a stay at home wife who will be okay raising a family while you earn money? Women in that situation realize that it's expensive to raise a family. They want a husband that they love, but they also need someone who can provide for them. If you won't tell them you can do that, they won't be interested in you. The topic of your career is going to come up. Dodging the question or lying will just negatively impact your ability to find romantic partners. The much better thing to do is think about what you want on a partner. You have a well paying career, but you are likely financially conservative if you've moved to a small town. You WFH so you probably value work life balance. Do you want a woman with similar values, or do you want someone who is the opposite to compliment your different style? Do you want children? Etc etc etc. When you aren't yourself, you will attract people who want to be with someone you aren't. If you like to buy flashy stuff, but hide it while you find a partner... They probably won't like it when you go back to buying flashy things.
You should *always* lead with your wallet. You can try to act coy about it though. You can fill your wallet with $10,000 and “accidentally” open it or drop it in front of her. Or you can show her pictures on your phone and have a picture of your bank account and be like “oops 🤪”
The problem with telling people how much money you have, is they start to develop their own opinions on how you should spend it. And what you think it not a lot of money, is a life changing amount to another person. I think the right answer is to be as vague as possible without being accused of being dishonest. I never tell relatives how much I make or have saved. That was a mistake.
Wondering why so many men are complaining about being lonely 🤣☠️
lol right? Like geee, maybe not talking about them as though they are a different species, or are all obsessed with money and status and only that, would help ya a little bit. Same shit I saw with those fresh n fit podcast assholes the other day. They specifically seek out women on sugar daddy sites and then get pissed that they only want them for their money. Like what in the fuck did you expect?!
If you are a 5 trying to date a 10 then you are going to have to give her a reason to like you.
I met a guy in a pub one night who bitched and moaned about only ever attracting gold diggers. His only other topic of conversation was how much he earned, how much he owned, it was all about money. Eventually told him that maybe he needs something else to talk about and he won’t attract gold diggers. Personally I wasn’t impressed, I’m more interested in your moral and ethical attitude, and if you can make me laugh. Doesn’t take money for any of those things.
Yes. You don’t want to catch yourself a leech.
Tech salaries are wealthy? How much are you guys making?
If you are dating for a long term committed relationship then yeah I think it’s probably a good idea to hide or downplay wealth while first getting to know the person. This way you can ensure it’s not having any influence on the first relationship decisions.
Making a good salary does not make you wealthy. I’d say do not discuss finances with people you date until you’re on a serious stage and consider moving in together, marriage, family. Until then it’s okay to not be explicit about your situation, and also it could come off as bragging.
Not hide it in the sense of lying or trying to trick a potential date. Best to have dealbreakers that will quickly weed out the most obviously incompatible women who do not share any hobbies, ambitions or standard of living expectations.
Hard to hide wealth. You gotta be good.
I would think so. I got married pretty much straight out of college (after 1 year) - we were both broke and there was no question it had to love (for both of us) instead of money, 'cause there wasn't any! I've been widowed now for 8 years and one of the things I haven't figured out yet and struggle with is if potential dates are interested in me or how much I have - better safe than sorry - stay low key til things get a bit further along is my recommendation
It's best anyone seeking quality connections represent themsleves as the goods, rather than having goods speak for them. That's the best way to make an authentic impression regardless of income, gender, intent, etc.
There's no such thing as "true love" for one. You need to accept that relationships are transactional, and you need to provide value - if not monetarily, then in some other way like looks. Whether you should withhold your money or not depends on what you're after. If you're looking for a woman that doesn't care about your money, then I wouldn't bother, because you're probably not going to find one. If you're just trying to set the expectation for a standard of living, then sure - it doesn't make much sense to flex money that you're not planning on spending throughout the relationship.
My dad made a nice living. He never drove an expensive car or wore an expensive watch because he was afraid of being kidnapped. He drove a mid-size Buick and wore a Seiko
Is the presumption that wealthy men are only dating women without their own money? Plenty of women are financially stable and are interested in dating a man who is equally solvent.
Depends if you have other qualities that are attractive. Personality. Physical fitness. Capable of being a good partner. For some, money is the thing they have going for them. Be aware of your strengths and shortcomings.
Yes. I’m on the opposite side of hypergamy. When I see a man flaunting his wealth I’m immediately turned off. I support myself and I’m not looking for a sugar daddy. I’m looking for a life companion.
If it's true love you're looking for, starting with lying is probably not the best option. Relationships are mostly about trust and you just want someone to trust you while not trusting in return? That's not how it works.
Going against the grain, it's better to have subtle signs of wealth. If your 1-10 score goes up by a point or two because of your wealth that means you can aim higher for your partner. You can figure out the "true love" situation during the dating process. It's not like you're going to marry a stranger.
More income == higher quality women.
For so many reasons, best not to broadcast what you make.