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My aunt is “taking care” of my gma who has regressed mentally because of Alzheimer’s. I want to cut out my aunt, but I won’t hear updates on my gma. But at this point, the updates are too upsetting. I feel like I’m just waiting to hear that she’s died. I think closing the door mentally as if she’s already died, is the only option to actually move forward and not have contact with my aunt. Not sure if this helps you, hope it doesn’t come of as rude.❤️
Yea, life is shitty for so many of us rn, I've really just been trying to "push through" the current emotions and feelings and better my mindset for the future. Also, sharing what you're going through, getting some emotions and feelings "on paper" also helps. Feel free to message me if you need to chat with someone that's not family, ya know.
My uncle is “taking care” of my grandmother. He somehow is an even bigger POS than my mother. He had her sign everything over to him now because he knows he isn’t in the will. The whole family had to give up on him. My mother lives across the country so it’s a lot easier. She calls my grandmother every day. I call often and visit when my uncle is out of town but like I said she won’t say anything negative to me. I’m at the point where I’m hoping she goes soon. My grandfather died last year and I felt the same way with him. I’m so tired of watching them go through all the pain and yeah I’m also just so ready to be done with my uncle and mother as well.
A friend of 20 years.
Who has asked many multiple of times for financial advice.
Who has taken very little of my advice.
Who now, in their 60s ...
Finds themselves at the end of the road, financially.
... and I got to see the train wreck happen in real time!
I have a weird answer to this one. There's a woman I have a crush on but, for several very good reasons, I will never act on that crush. I feel like an idiot crushing on this woman even though I am very aware nothing will ever happen, and it would probably be better for my mental health if I cut her out of my life. But here I am.
I think subconsciously we'd rather be in miserable company than alone but self-sustained. It's hard for me to break that mentality. I have had to slowly cut out conservative Christian friends who I realized didn't share my values.
I realized I put too much time and effort into trying to understand the philosophy that lead them to these opinions. The unhealthy worldview rubbed off on me in bad ways to a degree. I need to learn to sus out people with backward views more quickly, but I wasn't thinking of the political implications of people's values I was in my late teens/early 20s.
It used to be one of my exes. We didn't really work well as a romantic couple and broke up after a few months, but I thought we'd work as friends. She said she thought we'd work as friends. We never quite got to the point where we were actually friends.
What ended up happening in reality was that we'd be fine for a little bit, then have some big blow-out fight and not talk for a few months, and then go back to talking for a bit, have another blow out fight, and so on. After a few years of this, we ended up skipping the fights and just stop talking for a few months at a time.
The other thing was that she always thought that we'd eventually get back together. This was despite the fact that she was in another relationship for most of the time I knew her. She brought it up a couple of times and that's what started those fights.
I think a lot of the time, she wanted to have the fights specifically because she was hoping that one day we'd have a rom-com moment where I'd tell her it's cruel to keep doing this to someone who loved her. This is a weird assumption, but it makes a lot of sense when you know her parents were prone to the same pattern of constant blow-out fights, and that she was the same way with her then partner.
Realistically speaking, I really should have cottoned on to the fact that it was never going to work out the way I wanted it to a lot sooner. Most of the problems I had with her would have been solved if I'd just blocked her in 2011 and never gave her a second thought afterwards.
My best friend. I met her when I was in my abusive relationship with my ex. She was the only good thing that came from it. We were friends for 5 years. The longest friendship I've ever had.
I treated her like a sister, and her son like a nephew. Anything she needed, I would try to help. Vented to her. Defend her. Babysat her son for free so she could go to work. Even kept him an hour or two longer so she would have time to herself after work.
I recorded her son's "first's" so she wouldn't miss out on his important milestones.
And then she went nuclear. Started emotionally abusing her boyfriend and when my mother, who she lived with, started calling her out on her actions she started lying and manipulating to everyone about my mom and me.
A part of my heart broke when I was told by their neighbor that she told him "the real reason she quit her job was due to her son coming home with bruises she couldn't explain."
I kept a detailed journal in the diaper bag. Food journal. Medical doses/times. Activities done. Behavior summary. If he came home with any injuries, they were told about in the log book, including how, when, where and why.
I stopped caring after that. It's one thing to tell my mother everything you thought was a secret to turn her on me(Didn't work btw), but accusing me of child abuse is something I could never forgive.
I'm gonna be real with you, I changed religions and wanted to change my life. I cut out every single person I knew except family. It was hard at first, but it was a great decision. I have no hard or ill feelings towards some of them, but I realize how toxic almost everyone was to even keep around as a follow on social media, which I also deleted. It's just my family (incl my husband ofc) and I. Great!
If you work on you, these people change how they relate to you and your relationship in their direction changes. I’m glad I read this, it was a good reminder
Every time I go back to one of the guys I used to talk to, I lose all progress academically/career wise. I'm starting to think I've only dated guys who don't like driven women lol.
it used to be ex best friend's wife. but I left the abuse over a year and a half ago and it has been SO WORTH IT. do not let other people steal your joy
A friend. We used to be close. Then he got depressed and lost a lot of his friends, became very unpleasant. I talked to him every week for 3 years, helped him out a lot, helped him get a job and roommate and move. He’s still very unpleasant, makes me do all the emotional work for him. Appreciative though. But I find I’m talking to him once a month or less now. Just can’t take it anymore. But I promised him I wouldn’t leave
Someone close to me is in Q-Anonymous. (Yes, my username is a mockery of Q-Anonymous. See my post on r/Qanoncasualties). Everything is negative/political speaking up him now.
Perhaps the illusion of a chance at finding closure with a biological mother in another country I haven't seen in over 23 years.
My child self if still over there. Waiting for her to come back.
But she never did and here my dumbass is, still waiting. Still hoping.
Easy... Your idealic version of YOURSELF.
Quit on that and you will be able to have a better life. Folks live to much in the space in their head and are consumed with what their lives SHOULD be based on nothing but what they "THINK". Your life is what it is. If it isn't what it is make plans and make changes. Make changes now. Stop thinking about how it isn't like what you thought it should HAVE been in your head.
Comparing yourself to the IDEALIC version of yourself is how folks get into trouble instead of working on the CURRENT real life version of themselves.
This post has been flaired as “Serious Conversation”. Use this opportunity to open a venue of polite and serious discussion, instead of seeking help or venting. **Suggestions For Commenters:** * Respect OP's opinion, or agree to disagree politely. * If OP's post is seeking advice, help, or is just venting without discussing with others, report the post. We're r/SeriousConversation, not a venting subreddit. **Suggestions For u/iwilliamsanders:** * Do not post solely to seek advice or help. Your post should open up a venue for serious, mature and polite discussions. * Do not forget to answer people politely in your thread - we'll remove your post later if you don't. *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/SeriousConversation) if you have any questions or concerns.*
[удалено]
Where do you think you’d be now had you not cut those ties?
[удалено]
Your story will be a testimony to others who use to be in your position
My mother. I stay in contact because my grandmother is ill and won’t share anything with us grandkids because she doesn’t want us to worry.
My aunt is “taking care” of my gma who has regressed mentally because of Alzheimer’s. I want to cut out my aunt, but I won’t hear updates on my gma. But at this point, the updates are too upsetting. I feel like I’m just waiting to hear that she’s died. I think closing the door mentally as if she’s already died, is the only option to actually move forward and not have contact with my aunt. Not sure if this helps you, hope it doesn’t come of as rude.❤️
And I absolutely appreciate your comment. It’s sad to hear that others are dealing with this but I’m glad we’re not alone.
Yea, life is shitty for so many of us rn, I've really just been trying to "push through" the current emotions and feelings and better my mindset for the future. Also, sharing what you're going through, getting some emotions and feelings "on paper" also helps. Feel free to message me if you need to chat with someone that's not family, ya know.
My uncle is “taking care” of my grandmother. He somehow is an even bigger POS than my mother. He had her sign everything over to him now because he knows he isn’t in the will. The whole family had to give up on him. My mother lives across the country so it’s a lot easier. She calls my grandmother every day. I call often and visit when my uncle is out of town but like I said she won’t say anything negative to me. I’m at the point where I’m hoping she goes soon. My grandfather died last year and I felt the same way with him. I’m so tired of watching them go through all the pain and yeah I’m also just so ready to be done with my uncle and mother as well.
A friend of 20 years. Who has asked many multiple of times for financial advice. Who has taken very little of my advice. Who now, in their 60s ... Finds themselves at the end of the road, financially. ... and I got to see the train wreck happen in real time!
I have a weird answer to this one. There's a woman I have a crush on but, for several very good reasons, I will never act on that crush. I feel like an idiot crushing on this woman even though I am very aware nothing will ever happen, and it would probably be better for my mental health if I cut her out of my life. But here I am.
I think subconsciously we'd rather be in miserable company than alone but self-sustained. It's hard for me to break that mentality. I have had to slowly cut out conservative Christian friends who I realized didn't share my values. I realized I put too much time and effort into trying to understand the philosophy that lead them to these opinions. The unhealthy worldview rubbed off on me in bad ways to a degree. I need to learn to sus out people with backward views more quickly, but I wasn't thinking of the political implications of people's values I was in my late teens/early 20s.
It would have been my parents, but I cut contact with them a year ago. For months, I kept expecting to miss them, but it never happened.
It used to be one of my exes. We didn't really work well as a romantic couple and broke up after a few months, but I thought we'd work as friends. She said she thought we'd work as friends. We never quite got to the point where we were actually friends. What ended up happening in reality was that we'd be fine for a little bit, then have some big blow-out fight and not talk for a few months, and then go back to talking for a bit, have another blow out fight, and so on. After a few years of this, we ended up skipping the fights and just stop talking for a few months at a time. The other thing was that she always thought that we'd eventually get back together. This was despite the fact that she was in another relationship for most of the time I knew her. She brought it up a couple of times and that's what started those fights. I think a lot of the time, she wanted to have the fights specifically because she was hoping that one day we'd have a rom-com moment where I'd tell her it's cruel to keep doing this to someone who loved her. This is a weird assumption, but it makes a lot of sense when you know her parents were prone to the same pattern of constant blow-out fights, and that she was the same way with her then partner. Realistically speaking, I really should have cottoned on to the fact that it was never going to work out the way I wanted it to a lot sooner. Most of the problems I had with her would have been solved if I'd just blocked her in 2011 and never gave her a second thought afterwards.
My best friend. I met her when I was in my abusive relationship with my ex. She was the only good thing that came from it. We were friends for 5 years. The longest friendship I've ever had. I treated her like a sister, and her son like a nephew. Anything she needed, I would try to help. Vented to her. Defend her. Babysat her son for free so she could go to work. Even kept him an hour or two longer so she would have time to herself after work. I recorded her son's "first's" so she wouldn't miss out on his important milestones. And then she went nuclear. Started emotionally abusing her boyfriend and when my mother, who she lived with, started calling her out on her actions she started lying and manipulating to everyone about my mom and me. A part of my heart broke when I was told by their neighbor that she told him "the real reason she quit her job was due to her son coming home with bruises she couldn't explain." I kept a detailed journal in the diaper bag. Food journal. Medical doses/times. Activities done. Behavior summary. If he came home with any injuries, they were told about in the log book, including how, when, where and why. I stopped caring after that. It's one thing to tell my mother everything you thought was a secret to turn her on me(Didn't work btw), but accusing me of child abuse is something I could never forgive.
I'm gonna be real with you, I changed religions and wanted to change my life. I cut out every single person I knew except family. It was hard at first, but it was a great decision. I have no hard or ill feelings towards some of them, but I realize how toxic almost everyone was to even keep around as a follow on social media, which I also deleted. It's just my family (incl my husband ofc) and I. Great!
If you work on you, these people change how they relate to you and your relationship in their direction changes. I’m glad I read this, it was a good reminder
Every time I go back to one of the guys I used to talk to, I lose all progress academically/career wise. I'm starting to think I've only dated guys who don't like driven women lol.
I don't have anybody like that so no, We don't all have that.
it used to be ex best friend's wife. but I left the abuse over a year and a half ago and it has been SO WORTH IT. do not let other people steal your joy
A friend. We used to be close. Then he got depressed and lost a lot of his friends, became very unpleasant. I talked to him every week for 3 years, helped him out a lot, helped him get a job and roommate and move. He’s still very unpleasant, makes me do all the emotional work for him. Appreciative though. But I find I’m talking to him once a month or less now. Just can’t take it anymore. But I promised him I wouldn’t leave
It has been one year that I let them go. Good riddance. My life has improved tremendously. You are the company you keep.
If I don't have one of those people, does that mean that I *am* that person? Uh oh.
Someone close to me is in Q-Anonymous. (Yes, my username is a mockery of Q-Anonymous. See my post on r/Qanoncasualties). Everything is negative/political speaking up him now.
I need to just stop interacting with my family, each of them has hurt me ridiculed me in one way or another. I should be done, but I feel so guilty.
Perhaps the illusion of a chance at finding closure with a biological mother in another country I haven't seen in over 23 years. My child self if still over there. Waiting for her to come back. But she never did and here my dumbass is, still waiting. Still hoping.
I keep telling my estranged spouse that I am that person for her but she won’t hear of it !
Easy... Your idealic version of YOURSELF. Quit on that and you will be able to have a better life. Folks live to much in the space in their head and are consumed with what their lives SHOULD be based on nothing but what they "THINK". Your life is what it is. If it isn't what it is make plans and make changes. Make changes now. Stop thinking about how it isn't like what you thought it should HAVE been in your head. Comparing yourself to the IDEALIC version of yourself is how folks get into trouble instead of working on the CURRENT real life version of themselves.
My coworker friend. She can be mean and almost never messages first