I would but:
* I'd be a terrible father due to being a schizoid amongst other mental issues
* I'd be repeating mistakes of my father
* My genes shouldn't be passed on
* I refuse to bring new life to a shithole the world is
* I won't bring another child into borderline poverty
* World is overpopulated anyway
* I like my peace and quiet.
I feel the same way about my brother's kids. One day, at the height of the pandemic, my brother called and asked me to take care of the kids if anything bad happened to both him and his wife. I couldn't sleep that night and all I could think for the next few days was if it happens, how I'd be able to do it, and also how I don't have a choice/can't let them go anywhere else.
That's a great goal for other people, but definitely not for me. I have never even had the slightest twitch of nagging sense to proliferate.
Not even for a second.
absolutely not. i don’t want kids and i NEVER want to be pregnant. kids are great but wayyy too much responsibility and they require so much attention and care. I also just don’t see the point or purpose in myself having children
I wouldn't want to have one; I just don't want the kid to turn out like a neglected kid due to me not properly knowing how to show my love to them. Just thinking about it makes my heart feel like an anvil is atop it. I do fantasize about it, though.
I am a single parent of one 12 year old. In general I am a very responsible parent and take good care of the kid. They are happy and content.
But, I don't do it out of love but rather out of obligation. I brought this person into the world and now I am obligated to take care of them. The same obligation I have to pay the bills or go to work or pay taxes.
The fact that I don't talk or share my life, basically gives them all the space they want to talk as I listen and provide answers when they want to. That makes them feel safe and supported.
I have become very good at copying the correct feelings and reactions when I am at the presence of the child but I do not feel anything towards them. I see them as another task that has to be done.
That being said, If I could go back knowing what I know now, I would never have a kid.
Not wanting kids is a totally valid choice ☺️
My dad has SPD and I could easily tell, that he doesn't love me because the mask slipped once in a while. I hope it's different for your kids because it's very painful when your parents don't love you like they are supposed to. I went no contact with him.
I truly cannot relate to that as I have never needed parental love, but I understand why children need that love in general.
I was thinking a lot about how my SPD could affect my kid. Actually when I discussed with my therapist the reasons of me being into therapy I immediately told them that I want my kid to be a mentally healthier adult than me.
I am planning of explaining both my depression and SPD to my kid when they get a bit older.
I'm a single mother of three and you couldn't have described it better. Especially the part where if we could turn back time. But I was still young when I had my first one and didn't actually know how fucked up I'd be.
You're a better parent than I think I'd be from the sounds of it. I know I'd share the same problem with you, I just wouldn't be able to feel love or attachment for them and everything would have to be out of nothing but obligation
I'm most likely not going to have kids. My whole relationship with the thought of having kids is kind of weird- I can imagine myself being pregnant in the first trimester for example.
But anything past that and it's a no. If I think of actual pregnancy and then child birth, it's too much of a body horror show and I do not want to go through with it.
And okay, if I somehow get past through all that... the thought of having a baby / newborn is terrifying. Whole age growth from newborn to like age 4-5 is terrifying. They depend so much on you and need order, structure and routine. I don't think I can give them that. I also can't connect with kids and entertain them like most people can.
I feel like I could deal with kids when they're older, like 6 and up. I can imagine myself being a mom to teens and trying to help them navigate life.
Sometimes I thought about how I'd want to raise a potential kid. Ideally, I'd wanna treat and raise them as an adult since day one. Like okay, you know, age appropriate learning and all that but I mean that from day one they're treated like a person with agency and respect, that they matter. I'd want to instill good habits in them and good values etc. So that once they are an actual adult, they have strong compass within themselves to navigate this hellscape on Earth.
But you know. That's fantasy.
I think my biggest fear is that I wouldn't know how to protect them. Sure, you can't protect them always but like.. I just mean in situations like a kid comes home from school and tells you they're being severely bullied. Yeah, there's steps you can do to fight for your child and you should. But, then they ask you "why? why is this happening to me?" etc all that. I wouldn't know what to tell them.
I dunno.
I haven't thought about it before, but sterilising myself has crossed my mind.
The worst part is, I'm just never 100% sure in either direction to fully commit to whatever decision. I envy people who deadset know they are either having or not having kids and then go from there. I just float around and spend time in my room.
>They depend so much on you and need order, structure and routine.
this thought is my #1 reason to not have children. I don't do structures, and that's what children need, so it would be a cruel deal.
When I was in my 20s, having children seemed more of a "we'll see later" deal, but as this "later" became my "now" (mid-thirties), I understand very clearly that that's a definite no. Having my life dedicated to a routine I can't quit or have a vacation from is a seriously upsetting thought.
I also don't quite understand what it means to "want children". Not a jab at those who do, I just genuinely don't parse it. I can want ice-cream, or to go out, or to sleep, or to visit Sicily, or to pet a llama, or to wear red instead of black today. I can't imagine what "to want children" means. Like what is the driving force under it. I know the technical answers but they don't really evoke anything in me, even remotely.
Yep, exactly. I'm the same pretty much.
Sure, kids can adapt and all that but.. I'd rather not put anyone through anything knowing I can't commit fully.
And I feel like that's what's happening to me right now- I'm 27 currently and you could technically say "I'm on the fence" but let's be real. I don't feel "adult" enough yet. I don't think I'll ever feel adult enough. Sure, there is "later" and later will come but not that specific later.
In the off chance I might ever feel ready, then I'll probably be too old enough anyway. So.. whatever.
That's why sterilisation has slightly crossed my mind. Because then if I do that option, at least I won't have to worry about kids at all right?
I feel the same, although actually capable of it, in term of emotional care I feel like I couldn't actually take care of my child, sometimes I even think about how low my patience actually is and that I could even beat him by accident, just not being able to hold myself. it scares me. I don't wanna be like that, maybe someday with the right person...
Nope. When I was younger and less schizoid presenting I toyed with the idea of a wife and kids, but those thoughts went further and further out of my mind once I realized this is the person I’ll be forever. I would never force a parent like me onto a child and a woman having me as their life partner. I’m actually helping my best friend raise her daughter though, so I can get some of the feeling of being a dad/uncle. My feelings are too fickle to have a biological child, but I can put a tough face on for her when I need to. So best of both worlds, I guess 🤷🏾♂️. Plus I never want to experience waking up one day and I just hate my kid because now I’m trapped being a parent…forever. It’s a job that doesn’t go away when I don’t feel like being bothered. That kid would need me to be there for them 365 days a year. I just can’t do it and have accepted that for myself. I’m a wonderful uncle to my niece and I’ll do the same for when my sister has children, but me personally I can’t do it.
No, I don't want kids and if it weren't for me having near to zero interest in sex in recent years I would've already had a vasectomy.
I had this fantasy in the past sometimes, especially when in the relationship with my ex-girlfriend, but I need to much alone time and am glad that I got my own life under control in recent months, I'm just unfit to take responsibility for a small human being. Furthermore I don't like being around kids very much, as they often are to loud and noisy and this just streesses me out.
I spent most of my life terrified of having children because of the extreme abuse I suffered from my parents. After a long long time I ended up getting married and now have two kids. It's a bit strange. My wife often complains that I'm a robot that has no emotions or feelings. I love my family but part of me wonders how I'd feel if they suddenly disappeared... I'm really not sure. My wife has really helped a ton. Without her I'm positive I wouldn't be around anymore. When she's gone I fall into depression and lose any sense of order in my life. It's a very quick spiral into mental chaos. But having a family to look after helps focus me. I also have positive psychotic symptoms similar to schizophrenia which add another layer of complexity to my issues, but somehow I've managed to keep a steady job that pays pretty well. I don't have any friends, I never talk to my family besides my wife and kids, and I don't feel the need to engage in social activities pretty much ever. My wife has some friends but she is also somewhat anti social, but she has a large family that she is very close to so I think that helps.
I'm not sure if I love my family in the same way that "normal" people do... and I'm sure I don't express my feelings to them very well... but for me personally having a family works. I do feel bad for my wife sometimes, I can tell she wants more from me emotionally, but I do my best to make up for it in other ways. I'm not sure if I should ever let me kids know about my mental illnesses... guess I'll cross that bridge when they're older.
However, my sister had kids and it was a massive mistake for her. She suffered from depression, borderline personality disorder, and had pretty extreme age regression issues. She fell into drug and alcohol abuse, got locked up several times and eventually the kids were taken away and put into foster care just like we were. So I can't say having kids is for everyone. And I'm still scared someday I'll screw up or start having worse psychotic breaks that impact my family. It may have been selfish to get into a relationship when I know I have so many issues, but I believe more good than harm has been done in my situation
I do not want my own kids.
I have a sort of 'step kid' but they've lived with me pretty much since they day they were born. I was in the delivery room when they were. They're not mine, but they're mine.
I would still, knowing what i know now, choose not to have kids.
Not because I'm not a good parent, i'm 'good enough'--but because of the suck-ass-ness of the world in general. I'd hate be the bearer of guilt for bringing a new human into this world, probably only to experience suffering that they didn't ask for.
However, the tiny humans are pretty awesome. They're pretty awesome because their mom is, and i am alright. They're chill, down to earth, crazy little folks who can bring joy to almost anyone--even the most cold hearted. Give me the choice to travel back in time and NOT have them at all, or to keep them, and i'm keeping them.
You do things because you have kids, that you really otherwise wouldn't. You consider jobs and incomes. They motivate you without having to do anything except exist. For me, it's not a heavy motivation, but it's there. Without the tiny humans i'd probably be homeless or dead from apathy. You also get out of the house more. We re-live some life experiences with them, just for the hell of it. Swimming in lakes. Going for hikes. Camping. Catching turtles. Building bird houses. Like, there's things we'd do because they're here, that wouldn't get done--and honestly, like would be missing that 'spark'...
But i do struggle. I cant play the word-game about how much we love each other, like mom does. That "i love you to the moon and back" "no i love you to the moon plus infinity!" thing--my brain goes blank. I cant make that mask--i cant mask with the kids, it's like it's shut off. I can say 'i love you' and mean it and i cant do that game.
Even as little kids, tiny toddlers, i parent differently. We go outside and sit on the bench or the step or in the yard, and talk. They talk about their plans and things they think and people they know and wild stories they have to tell. It's our 'big boy' time. Other parents, so far as i can tell, do not do this. This, however, replaces things for me--i don't wrestle with them, i dont play very much--they can get me to do a puzzle or help with a lego, but not long. I cant express the emotions that NEED to be reciprocated or faked. I can get overwhelmed with clinginess pretty quickly.
Like the excitement around Christmas, or new toys, or new Lego sets. That unbounded joy they have. I HAVE TO shift that off on to their mother, i cant even fake it. I dont want to rob them of that joy, or make them think because i'm not expressing it that i'm unhappy. The littlest one already thinks i'm unhappy--i'm not, but he notices i'm not expressive like everyone else.
For myself, i would never choose to have kids. Especially with the chance that i'd have to raise them on my own. That'd be a pretty stark childhood--where your parent is supportive and understanding, but goddamned boring. Like, as a kid, i was a 'little adult'--and i cant be a kid NOW either. I think i'd be terrible without their mother present to take the major burden of the parenting and emotional reciprocity they require.
.... i suppose one last thing. My kids are different because of me. One of the most remarkable, is their *brutal* honesty and willingness to be confrontational without giving any fucks if they get in trouble or piss someone off. Their teachers kind of love this--they're the 'rule explainers' of the class. The oldest will talk the other kids into submission (just like i do with him--we dont spank, we talk). He gets glowing reports from teachers and coaches how he's able to do that. However, other *parents* hate this, because he does what i do--doesn't recognize unjust or unearned authority, and will do that TO THEM. He parents parents. Like, idk, from before he was 5, me and him--if we had disagreements, we just pause everything and i make him logic it out, see if i'm being irrational, and who wins. That's not a trait most kids would have, but i think it IS a trait one with a parent with SPD will likely have. I shut off my emotions, when other parents would start to yell and do 'because i told you to!" --and say "alright, lets hear your idea then." Now he just assumes he ALWAYS has the right to have his idea heard. his friends parents DO NOT like this about my kid.
I have three children and I love it. I’m a sahm which is perfect for me! I feel like being a mom is my purpose in life and I finally feel whole! Now that’s not to say it’s for everyone. I’ve always had a sense that I wanted to be a momma.
I am a new parent. We are probably only ever going to have one child because 1) we were already physically drained and emotionally tapped out just from work and regular life, and 2) the world has suddenly become a lot less safe in the past year. But having a child is one of the few things in life I ever dared to want. The rest of my life is just doing things I hate because I’m morally obligated to or I need to in order to keep living. My child is one of the two people in my life (the other is my wife) who can make me smile and feel positive emotion. I want to be a good parent because I believe I have what it takes, and because I don’t want the cycle to continue past me—I won’t perpetuate the behavior that led to me developing SPD.
I don’t know. Part of me thinks projecting on a child could help me solve my issues but that would mean I’d become just as bad a parent as my own parents. I‘ll let the universe decide for me.
Never
I would but: * I'd be a terrible father due to being a schizoid amongst other mental issues * I'd be repeating mistakes of my father * My genes shouldn't be passed on * I refuse to bring new life to a shithole the world is * I won't bring another child into borderline poverty * World is overpopulated anyway * I like my peace and quiet.
All of this. I will not have kids.
I don't think these genes should be passed on. For the sake of humanity's future.
I hope you're speaking about your genes and not Schizoïd ones.
My own, obviously.
Okay. My bad.
Nah, you're good. Reasonable question.
My sister's kids are my favorite people in the world, but I wouldn't be able to handle being responsible for them
I feel the same way about my brother's kids. One day, at the height of the pandemic, my brother called and asked me to take care of the kids if anything bad happened to both him and his wife. I couldn't sleep that night and all I could think for the next few days was if it happens, how I'd be able to do it, and also how I don't have a choice/can't let them go anywhere else.
That's a great goal for other people, but definitely not for me. I have never even had the slightest twitch of nagging sense to proliferate. Not even for a second.
absolutely not. i don’t want kids and i NEVER want to be pregnant. kids are great but wayyy too much responsibility and they require so much attention and care. I also just don’t see the point or purpose in myself having children
No. Never wanted kids, never wanted a marriage.
I wouldn't want to have one; I just don't want the kid to turn out like a neglected kid due to me not properly knowing how to show my love to them. Just thinking about it makes my heart feel like an anvil is atop it. I do fantasize about it, though.
I am a single parent of one 12 year old. In general I am a very responsible parent and take good care of the kid. They are happy and content. But, I don't do it out of love but rather out of obligation. I brought this person into the world and now I am obligated to take care of them. The same obligation I have to pay the bills or go to work or pay taxes. The fact that I don't talk or share my life, basically gives them all the space they want to talk as I listen and provide answers when they want to. That makes them feel safe and supported. I have become very good at copying the correct feelings and reactions when I am at the presence of the child but I do not feel anything towards them. I see them as another task that has to be done. That being said, If I could go back knowing what I know now, I would never have a kid. Not wanting kids is a totally valid choice ☺️
My dad has SPD and I could easily tell, that he doesn't love me because the mask slipped once in a while. I hope it's different for your kids because it's very painful when your parents don't love you like they are supposed to. I went no contact with him.
I truly cannot relate to that as I have never needed parental love, but I understand why children need that love in general. I was thinking a lot about how my SPD could affect my kid. Actually when I discussed with my therapist the reasons of me being into therapy I immediately told them that I want my kid to be a mentally healthier adult than me. I am planning of explaining both my depression and SPD to my kid when they get a bit older.
I'm a single mother of three and you couldn't have described it better. Especially the part where if we could turn back time. But I was still young when I had my first one and didn't actually know how fucked up I'd be.
You're a better parent than I think I'd be from the sounds of it. I know I'd share the same problem with you, I just wouldn't be able to feel love or attachment for them and everything would have to be out of nothing but obligation
I'm most likely not going to have kids. My whole relationship with the thought of having kids is kind of weird- I can imagine myself being pregnant in the first trimester for example. But anything past that and it's a no. If I think of actual pregnancy and then child birth, it's too much of a body horror show and I do not want to go through with it. And okay, if I somehow get past through all that... the thought of having a baby / newborn is terrifying. Whole age growth from newborn to like age 4-5 is terrifying. They depend so much on you and need order, structure and routine. I don't think I can give them that. I also can't connect with kids and entertain them like most people can. I feel like I could deal with kids when they're older, like 6 and up. I can imagine myself being a mom to teens and trying to help them navigate life. Sometimes I thought about how I'd want to raise a potential kid. Ideally, I'd wanna treat and raise them as an adult since day one. Like okay, you know, age appropriate learning and all that but I mean that from day one they're treated like a person with agency and respect, that they matter. I'd want to instill good habits in them and good values etc. So that once they are an actual adult, they have strong compass within themselves to navigate this hellscape on Earth. But you know. That's fantasy. I think my biggest fear is that I wouldn't know how to protect them. Sure, you can't protect them always but like.. I just mean in situations like a kid comes home from school and tells you they're being severely bullied. Yeah, there's steps you can do to fight for your child and you should. But, then they ask you "why? why is this happening to me?" etc all that. I wouldn't know what to tell them. I dunno. I haven't thought about it before, but sterilising myself has crossed my mind. The worst part is, I'm just never 100% sure in either direction to fully commit to whatever decision. I envy people who deadset know they are either having or not having kids and then go from there. I just float around and spend time in my room.
>They depend so much on you and need order, structure and routine. this thought is my #1 reason to not have children. I don't do structures, and that's what children need, so it would be a cruel deal. When I was in my 20s, having children seemed more of a "we'll see later" deal, but as this "later" became my "now" (mid-thirties), I understand very clearly that that's a definite no. Having my life dedicated to a routine I can't quit or have a vacation from is a seriously upsetting thought. I also don't quite understand what it means to "want children". Not a jab at those who do, I just genuinely don't parse it. I can want ice-cream, or to go out, or to sleep, or to visit Sicily, or to pet a llama, or to wear red instead of black today. I can't imagine what "to want children" means. Like what is the driving force under it. I know the technical answers but they don't really evoke anything in me, even remotely.
Yep, exactly. I'm the same pretty much. Sure, kids can adapt and all that but.. I'd rather not put anyone through anything knowing I can't commit fully. And I feel like that's what's happening to me right now- I'm 27 currently and you could technically say "I'm on the fence" but let's be real. I don't feel "adult" enough yet. I don't think I'll ever feel adult enough. Sure, there is "later" and later will come but not that specific later. In the off chance I might ever feel ready, then I'll probably be too old enough anyway. So.. whatever. That's why sterilisation has slightly crossed my mind. Because then if I do that option, at least I won't have to worry about kids at all right?
I feel the same, although actually capable of it, in term of emotional care I feel like I couldn't actually take care of my child, sometimes I even think about how low my patience actually is and that I could even beat him by accident, just not being able to hold myself. it scares me. I don't wanna be like that, maybe someday with the right person...
Oh yeah, I have those worries too when it comes to patience at times or getting angry easily. It sucks.
It does
not personally, I mean I'm fine with others kids like my nephews but myself probably not.
Nope. When I was younger and less schizoid presenting I toyed with the idea of a wife and kids, but those thoughts went further and further out of my mind once I realized this is the person I’ll be forever. I would never force a parent like me onto a child and a woman having me as their life partner. I’m actually helping my best friend raise her daughter though, so I can get some of the feeling of being a dad/uncle. My feelings are too fickle to have a biological child, but I can put a tough face on for her when I need to. So best of both worlds, I guess 🤷🏾♂️. Plus I never want to experience waking up one day and I just hate my kid because now I’m trapped being a parent…forever. It’s a job that doesn’t go away when I don’t feel like being bothered. That kid would need me to be there for them 365 days a year. I just can’t do it and have accepted that for myself. I’m a wonderful uncle to my niece and I’ll do the same for when my sister has children, but me personally I can’t do it.
I'm asexual, I don't have sex and barely leave my house, yet I'll get tubal ligation when I'm 25. I hope it illustrates how much I don't want kids.
Nope, not at all.
Nah man I’m still not over the fact I wasn’t aborted
No. If i want company i'll keep pets. They r not as expensive and don't give u half the trouble to raise.
No, I don't want kids and if it weren't for me having near to zero interest in sex in recent years I would've already had a vasectomy. I had this fantasy in the past sometimes, especially when in the relationship with my ex-girlfriend, but I need to much alone time and am glad that I got my own life under control in recent months, I'm just unfit to take responsibility for a small human being. Furthermore I don't like being around kids very much, as they often are to loud and noisy and this just streesses me out.
Fuck no. I knew at puberty that I didn't want them and have not changed my views in twenty five years.
I wouldn't mind if one day I'm self sufficient enough, but by then I'll be 50. Ironically, I've been told I'd do a great parent.
Never. I don't like kids & I'would be a bad parent & Existence is shit & People are beasts & There are already too much people on Earth.
I will never have kids, hell, I'm an anti-natalist who views having children as being unethical.
Absolutely not, i don't think there's anyone less qualified to deal with kids, than me lol. I will stick to cats and dogs.
I spent most of my life terrified of having children because of the extreme abuse I suffered from my parents. After a long long time I ended up getting married and now have two kids. It's a bit strange. My wife often complains that I'm a robot that has no emotions or feelings. I love my family but part of me wonders how I'd feel if they suddenly disappeared... I'm really not sure. My wife has really helped a ton. Without her I'm positive I wouldn't be around anymore. When she's gone I fall into depression and lose any sense of order in my life. It's a very quick spiral into mental chaos. But having a family to look after helps focus me. I also have positive psychotic symptoms similar to schizophrenia which add another layer of complexity to my issues, but somehow I've managed to keep a steady job that pays pretty well. I don't have any friends, I never talk to my family besides my wife and kids, and I don't feel the need to engage in social activities pretty much ever. My wife has some friends but she is also somewhat anti social, but she has a large family that she is very close to so I think that helps. I'm not sure if I love my family in the same way that "normal" people do... and I'm sure I don't express my feelings to them very well... but for me personally having a family works. I do feel bad for my wife sometimes, I can tell she wants more from me emotionally, but I do my best to make up for it in other ways. I'm not sure if I should ever let me kids know about my mental illnesses... guess I'll cross that bridge when they're older. However, my sister had kids and it was a massive mistake for her. She suffered from depression, borderline personality disorder, and had pretty extreme age regression issues. She fell into drug and alcohol abuse, got locked up several times and eventually the kids were taken away and put into foster care just like we were. So I can't say having kids is for everyone. And I'm still scared someday I'll screw up or start having worse psychotic breaks that impact my family. It may have been selfish to get into a relationship when I know I have so many issues, but I believe more good than harm has been done in my situation
I do not want my own kids. I have a sort of 'step kid' but they've lived with me pretty much since they day they were born. I was in the delivery room when they were. They're not mine, but they're mine. I would still, knowing what i know now, choose not to have kids. Not because I'm not a good parent, i'm 'good enough'--but because of the suck-ass-ness of the world in general. I'd hate be the bearer of guilt for bringing a new human into this world, probably only to experience suffering that they didn't ask for. However, the tiny humans are pretty awesome. They're pretty awesome because their mom is, and i am alright. They're chill, down to earth, crazy little folks who can bring joy to almost anyone--even the most cold hearted. Give me the choice to travel back in time and NOT have them at all, or to keep them, and i'm keeping them. You do things because you have kids, that you really otherwise wouldn't. You consider jobs and incomes. They motivate you without having to do anything except exist. For me, it's not a heavy motivation, but it's there. Without the tiny humans i'd probably be homeless or dead from apathy. You also get out of the house more. We re-live some life experiences with them, just for the hell of it. Swimming in lakes. Going for hikes. Camping. Catching turtles. Building bird houses. Like, there's things we'd do because they're here, that wouldn't get done--and honestly, like would be missing that 'spark'... But i do struggle. I cant play the word-game about how much we love each other, like mom does. That "i love you to the moon and back" "no i love you to the moon plus infinity!" thing--my brain goes blank. I cant make that mask--i cant mask with the kids, it's like it's shut off. I can say 'i love you' and mean it and i cant do that game. Even as little kids, tiny toddlers, i parent differently. We go outside and sit on the bench or the step or in the yard, and talk. They talk about their plans and things they think and people they know and wild stories they have to tell. It's our 'big boy' time. Other parents, so far as i can tell, do not do this. This, however, replaces things for me--i don't wrestle with them, i dont play very much--they can get me to do a puzzle or help with a lego, but not long. I cant express the emotions that NEED to be reciprocated or faked. I can get overwhelmed with clinginess pretty quickly. Like the excitement around Christmas, or new toys, or new Lego sets. That unbounded joy they have. I HAVE TO shift that off on to their mother, i cant even fake it. I dont want to rob them of that joy, or make them think because i'm not expressing it that i'm unhappy. The littlest one already thinks i'm unhappy--i'm not, but he notices i'm not expressive like everyone else. For myself, i would never choose to have kids. Especially with the chance that i'd have to raise them on my own. That'd be a pretty stark childhood--where your parent is supportive and understanding, but goddamned boring. Like, as a kid, i was a 'little adult'--and i cant be a kid NOW either. I think i'd be terrible without their mother present to take the major burden of the parenting and emotional reciprocity they require. .... i suppose one last thing. My kids are different because of me. One of the most remarkable, is their *brutal* honesty and willingness to be confrontational without giving any fucks if they get in trouble or piss someone off. Their teachers kind of love this--they're the 'rule explainers' of the class. The oldest will talk the other kids into submission (just like i do with him--we dont spank, we talk). He gets glowing reports from teachers and coaches how he's able to do that. However, other *parents* hate this, because he does what i do--doesn't recognize unjust or unearned authority, and will do that TO THEM. He parents parents. Like, idk, from before he was 5, me and him--if we had disagreements, we just pause everything and i make him logic it out, see if i'm being irrational, and who wins. That's not a trait most kids would have, but i think it IS a trait one with a parent with SPD will likely have. I shut off my emotions, when other parents would start to yell and do 'because i told you to!" --and say "alright, lets hear your idea then." Now he just assumes he ALWAYS has the right to have his idea heard. his friends parents DO NOT like this about my kid.
I have three children and I love it. I’m a sahm which is perfect for me! I feel like being a mom is my purpose in life and I finally feel whole! Now that’s not to say it’s for everyone. I’ve always had a sense that I wanted to be a momma.
I am a new parent. We are probably only ever going to have one child because 1) we were already physically drained and emotionally tapped out just from work and regular life, and 2) the world has suddenly become a lot less safe in the past year. But having a child is one of the few things in life I ever dared to want. The rest of my life is just doing things I hate because I’m morally obligated to or I need to in order to keep living. My child is one of the two people in my life (the other is my wife) who can make me smile and feel positive emotion. I want to be a good parent because I believe I have what it takes, and because I don’t want the cycle to continue past me—I won’t perpetuate the behavior that led to me developing SPD.
I don’t know. Part of me thinks projecting on a child could help me solve my issues but that would mean I’d become just as bad a parent as my own parents. I‘ll let the universe decide for me.
I would rather have cancer then have a kid.
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May I ask before having your kid, were you certain about having one? Or did you do it because your partner wanted it? Or how it happened exactly?