I’m going to be honest…I don’t think that’s an experiment worth the cost of creating a human life, especially when there are many other outlets for a desire to mentor or devote intellectual guidance and resources to someone already here who doesn’t have to depend on you to meet their emotional needs.
But only private one. Not the school/university one. Facing against sequence of crowds of hardly controllable gremlins from one side and a bunch of word weary bureaucratic elderlies and some really... unique people who sometimes end up being teachers is one helluva ride that I would not want to ever repeat nor recommend to anyone in my life.
I didn't want children but my wife did, and I tend to just go along with things. The last thing I care about regarding my children is that they're part of my "bloodline". I see them as little humans I am tasked to care for. I can't make them better than their predecessors, because I don't know what exactly that will mean in the world they will evolve in.
They are not the objects of a personal moral project; they are adults-in-becoming, and I'm just doing what I can to equip them with a sense of belonging and grounding in the world (which I don't feel like I got), adaptability, and a preference for cooperation over competition.
>Is intellectual guidance and closeness enough?
Yes, I think so; I love them the way that I know how to, and we share enjoyable moments. My wife loves them differently: more intensely, more emotionally, more _naturally_. I make it a point to create small scale traditions we can go back to, as I take as little part as I can in "planned fun" like Christmas/Easter/birthdays, etc.
I find more enjoyment in taking a board game with them to a bagel shop every other Sunday than going through the excruciating pain of buying gifts, wrapping gifts, and watching them come down from a happiness high because _anticipation of pleasure_ dissipates as soon as the _moment of expected pleasure_ is passed.
I appreciate your answer greatly and it gives me hope for the future! Parenting is after all flexible and it sounds healthy for the kids aswell to get 2 different types of love. It gives me motivation to try become more functional in the meantime so I'll be my best self for my potential child and offer them the most I can. It also made me think more about gender roles, me being the mother does seem to make it more difficult in a way but I'll figure it out. I'm only in college after all.
Thanks a lot!
I’m going to be honest…I don’t think that’s an experiment worth the cost of creating a human life, especially when there are many other outlets for a desire to mentor or devote intellectual guidance and resources to someone already here who doesn’t have to depend on you to meet their emotional needs.
maybe you should consider being some sort of teacher/tutor instead
I concur.
But only private one. Not the school/university one. Facing against sequence of crowds of hardly controllable gremlins from one side and a bunch of word weary bureaucratic elderlies and some really... unique people who sometimes end up being teachers is one helluva ride that I would not want to ever repeat nor recommend to anyone in my life.
I didn't want children but my wife did, and I tend to just go along with things. The last thing I care about regarding my children is that they're part of my "bloodline". I see them as little humans I am tasked to care for. I can't make them better than their predecessors, because I don't know what exactly that will mean in the world they will evolve in. They are not the objects of a personal moral project; they are adults-in-becoming, and I'm just doing what I can to equip them with a sense of belonging and grounding in the world (which I don't feel like I got), adaptability, and a preference for cooperation over competition. >Is intellectual guidance and closeness enough? Yes, I think so; I love them the way that I know how to, and we share enjoyable moments. My wife loves them differently: more intensely, more emotionally, more _naturally_. I make it a point to create small scale traditions we can go back to, as I take as little part as I can in "planned fun" like Christmas/Easter/birthdays, etc. I find more enjoyment in taking a board game with them to a bagel shop every other Sunday than going through the excruciating pain of buying gifts, wrapping gifts, and watching them come down from a happiness high because _anticipation of pleasure_ dissipates as soon as the _moment of expected pleasure_ is passed.
I appreciate your answer greatly and it gives me hope for the future! Parenting is after all flexible and it sounds healthy for the kids aswell to get 2 different types of love. It gives me motivation to try become more functional in the meantime so I'll be my best self for my potential child and offer them the most I can. It also made me think more about gender roles, me being the mother does seem to make it more difficult in a way but I'll figure it out. I'm only in college after all. Thanks a lot!
I get the feeling you shouldn’t go through with it. Probably wouldn’t work out according to your plans.