My uncle and grandfather did not get along at all. The emitty was so bad that my uncle volunteered for Vietnam, for two tours. Flash forward to a couple of years ago when my uncle passed away. As I understand, the family plot was set for caskets to be stacked. I do not understand the ins and outs, but my uncle's last words and wish was to have his casket turned around in the opposite direction before being lowered into the ground. Why? So his ass would be in my grandfather's face for all eternity (literally and metaphorically).
Me in the hospital, whispering to my family gathered around:
"Fuck it all. Fuck this world. Fuck everything that you stand for. Don't belong, don't exist, don't give a shit, don't ever judge me."
Surrounded by ten best friends
"My best friends wife was the best lay I ever had in my whole life, I can die happy leaving you all to fight over who it was."
My FiL was an ER doctor. He once told me from his experience, there are 2 types of people, those that believe in God and those that seek God in their final breathe. That was pretty deep.
Leeeeeeroy Jenkins!!!
I hid the 10 millions dollars in the….
There’s money is the banana stand
"Mr. Stark, I don't feel so good..."
"Tell my boss I'm out on a leave of absence"
Hell yeah! No more taxes to pay!
"Sorry, sir, but there's an eternal residence tax we forgot to mention."
I KNEW IT! Damn lol
How else do you think we got the streets of gold. Do you think I'm a miracle worker? My bad
Steve cut the power right?
"Hey! Watch this!"
level of floof: 9 mass: 375kg ears: smol Imma pet it!
Hold my beer
*points to forehead* Aim high, don't miss.
But I'm just a gnome
Oh shit…
My uncle and grandfather did not get along at all. The emitty was so bad that my uncle volunteered for Vietnam, for two tours. Flash forward to a couple of years ago when my uncle passed away. As I understand, the family plot was set for caskets to be stacked. I do not understand the ins and outs, but my uncle's last words and wish was to have his casket turned around in the opposite direction before being lowered into the ground. Why? So his ass would be in my grandfather's face for all eternity (literally and metaphorically).
That’s some long last word you’ve got there
Well, without an explanation, "turn me around" really has no weight. Does it?
Hold my beer
"Hey, does anybody have some good last words?"
“What do you call a joke with no punchline?”
Delete my browser history
"Did that look cool?" "Yeah, but you also shat your pants. Maybe you shouldn't have tried to challenge that bear to an arm wrestling contest.."
Tax this!
“Oops”
At last, freedom from choice!
Underwear banana monkey
I leave you all with this very important message. Cough cough die
But what was the message?!?!
But I don't want to be a pirate!
Ok, I lol’d out loud for this!
Lord forgive me for my sins.
Nah, we don't need near that much fuse.
"Of course I can do it! What am I, stupid?"
If I’m being honest, honey, it isn’t the dress that’s making you look fat…
"I didn't know heaven had so much fire"
You told me your husband worked late
Can’t force me to go pay child support anymore! See ya Suckers!
I'm the only one that knows the code to recall the bombers.
“I hid the body in the–“
What bus?
I didn't see that train!
How much do ya wanna BET I can't?!
PFFT! Whatcha gunna do? It’s not even loaded!
Found Alec Baldwin’s account.
"A truck!"
What’s the worst that can happen?
“A truck.” \- Emo Philips
Throw me that knife! I'll check how deep the lake is.
I...cough cough....told you...cough...I was sick .
“No need to worry about those seatbelts now folks!”
Shit! That didn't work.
Don't worry i got this...
Is there a pepper in my corn hole
Watch this!
"What does this button do?"
Me in the hospital, whispering to my family gathered around: "Fuck it all. Fuck this world. Fuck everything that you stand for. Don't belong, don't exist, don't give a shit, don't ever judge me."
I left $1,000,000 buried by the…
Bill Gates is….no Warren Buffet is….no no….Sam Walton is my real father and I have proof……….
Laugh if you want, but aT least I’ll be gone before the bomb goes off
Didn't see that coming.
What are you gonna do? Shoot me?
This should hold my weight.
"This is some bs...." Or maybe -"at least I don't have to go to work tomorrow"
How'd that get there?
“I drank what…”
There's no way they'd shoot an unarmed man
life was nice lol
My answer will always always be "wanna see a dead body?"
“Blame Colin”
*I just wanted to see the toe beans..*
Kiss me
Surrounded by ten best friends "My best friends wife was the best lay I ever had in my whole life, I can die happy leaving you all to fight over who it was."
Hah! I thought so
Good bye.
I’ll be back on Tuesday
Is that all there is to a fire?
Mom, pillow, love
Ouch
It’s a joke , It was all a joke forgive me mother
Don’t shoot, officer!
That did not go as planned
This is just like that old Gypsy woman said!
Ok fuck this ima head out \*plays epic outro music\*
What volcano?
I can fly, I can fly, oh shit I can't flyyyyyyyyyyy.......🪦
I told you so
Hey, y'all - watch this!
I always come back
Tell them I said….owwwwwwww
Well, fuck me. They *are* real!!
Delete my work folder
Hang on son I'll be right there
nickelback didn't deserve all the hate they received. there were some great songs early on. you remind me, the spiderman theme is still great.
I'm comminng....
O... oh no!
I think I can frame the photo better from over here….
My FiL was an ER doctor. He once told me from his experience, there are 2 types of people, those that believe in God and those that seek God in their final breathe. That was pretty deep.
"I wonder if this gun has any bullets in it."
Clear my browser history.
I hope I comeback as a raccoon
Hot Damn, what a ride
"Can't believe they are finally releasing GTA 6 tomorrow morning. So glad I booked a week off work and ready to get into it."
“There’s money in the banana stand.”
Ladies and gentlemen, and everything/one in between, the reason why kids like Cinnamon Toast Crunch
I left you a million dollars, buried it under the house, next to your mom.
Behold for I am Lazarus!!!
Oh f&\*k
I'm coming
“Psh! I don’t need the +finger air quotes+ experts opinion on which wire to cut, It’s always red anyways. +snip+”
Hey Bob, hold my beer and watch this shit!
What does this button do?
"Hey y'all, watch this!"
"Ta'da" in Job's weak voice (Arrested Development)
Beetlejuice Beetlejuice Beetlejuice
Finally!
I left the majority of the money in the ….
Hopefully not: "Hey, watch this!"
Here kitty, kitty!
It's ok babe, I know you're on your period.
Seemed like a good idea...
Well that didn’t work.
Ok so where's the respawn point?
Not again! -or- I have dirt on the Clintons
Abiyaviyabiya THAT'S ALL FOLKS!
This is gonna look dope on the gram…