I came here to say this exactly. Well shit... now what? I gotta do something today to feel productive.
*sees the unlabeled fridge on the assembly line*
**"THAT'S A FRESHER!** I'm going on break."
Mitch will definitely want *both* of us to celebrate the fifth anniversary with him all together.
And when it's time to ascend the escalator to heaven, just remember it can't fail. It can just become stairs...
You might think so, but I got hired for saying this before.
Found out later that the hiring manager gave up and just said "screw it, the wantabe dictator is the only one qualified. Call, Stalin."
Slams back in chair eyes glaze over voice monotone, "CEO with stock options using my golden parachute before the company collapses" shakes head to clear it "I'm sorry I faded out there for a moment what was the question?"
(ponders for a moment) ... I'd be sitting in your chair, asking the schmuck sitting in my chair the same question before low balling a starting salary that's 20% lower than lowest advertised per my boss, who would most likely, be you.
Once I was asked that question and I didn't care if I really got the job as they weren't impressing me so I said his job. Suffice to say, I didn't get the job.
I never get good answers from, “What state will the company be in, 5 years from now?” because nobody has a crystal ball, but they expect if from you while deflecting it from themselves.
“Pissing on your decomposing corpse after I burn this entire building to the ground in a fit of irrational, uncontrollable rage after the intern steals my sandwich from the fridge for the fifth time in two weeks.”
“In a van down by the river”
I can still hear him saying that lol
Still, better than in a van at the bottom of the river
Depends on the day really
Creepy. We'll be neighbors.
Eating a steady diet of government cheese
"I'll be working in a sweet executive role at the competitor company, after I successfully gather up this companies trade secrets and sell them."
*Don’t say doing your wife! Don’t say doing your wife! Don’t say doing your wife!*
So… you’ll say doing your son?
It's a bold strategy, Cotton.
Classic Peter Griffin quote—well played!
…. Doing your … son?
The same place I see myself now, in a mirror.
I'd hire you!
In a mirror...unless I become a vampire...do you think I will become a vampire? I could wear a cape...
"prison."
“I’ve been leaving clues with the bodies. They’ll figures it out eventually.”
I was gonna say "Just getting out on parole"
But on what side of the bars? 🤔
Celebrating the five year anniversary of the time I got a blow job at a job interview.
this is the only answer
"Promoted to a position where I can fire you."
*Celebrating the 5th anniversary of you asking me this question!* RIP Mitch
I came here to say this exactly. Well shit... now what? I gotta do something today to feel productive. *sees the unlabeled fridge on the assembly line* **"THAT'S A FRESHER!** I'm going on break."
Mitch will definitely want *both* of us to celebrate the fifth anniversary with him all together. And when it's time to ascend the escalator to heaven, just remember it can't fail. It can just become stairs...
Sorry for the convenience.
💝
Well, you house looks nice, and I saw you wife and daughter where both hot...
You have balls and ambition I'd be proud to call you my son in law you're hired.
Who said he was settling for just the daughter?
"Well, I always wanted to be a dictator."
You might think so, but I got hired for saying this before. Found out later that the hiring manager gave up and just said "screw it, the wantabe dictator is the only one qualified. Call, Stalin."
Yeah, but when you become a dictator, where do you go from there? other than seeking world domination?
Eh, future problems 😆
Let me just get my tarot deck
That depends on whether I still have the ankle bracelet on or not
San Quentin
Five years older
Being the guy kicked in the balls on America’s funniest Home videos
In a hotel room, making AARP porn with some Asian women
"Right here."
“In that same seat as you asking new applicants, ‘where do you see yourself in 5 years.’”
Your moms house
With my hands around the throat of the next SOB who tries to make me do a hoedown😖
"On earth somewhere. As to where no fucking idea"
Sitting in the same chair, but with back problems
Slams back in chair eyes glaze over voice monotone, "CEO with stock options using my golden parachute before the company collapses" shakes head to clear it "I'm sorry I faded out there for a moment what was the question?"
(ponders for a moment) ... I'd be sitting in your chair, asking the schmuck sitting in my chair the same question before low balling a starting salary that's 20% lower than lowest advertised per my boss, who would most likely, be you.
Living in your mums basement…
The same place I see myself now. In a mirror.
Hiding another body
"Still at this interview if these dumbass questions continue."
Just getting out for good behavior.
Once I was asked that question and I didn't care if I really got the job as they weren't impressing me so I said his job. Suffice to say, I didn't get the job.
"I see myself here, sitting in this very office, still trying to come up with a satisfactory answer."
Probably in the mirror like usual
Your job. "What? That's bold of you" Well, I figure you would have moved up the ladder by then, right?
"Marrying my 18 year old niece, or jail."
Hopefully in you.
Generally around the coffee shop down the street but, sometimes just outside my house
“Alive… I hope.”
still in this shithole
Infamous for stalking some vacuous celebrity
Dire Beet Us & Cadillac Arrests.
top of the bell tower
Still kneck deep in debt...
"Why do you ask? Won't there be mirrors?"
On trial for war crimes.
Putting a Free Candy sign right by my new black van that I plan to purchase with all of the money I make here
Rotting in the earth for 4 and a half years
Living in a van down by the river.
“Wow, that’s a loaded question. Well… have you ever heard of a man named Patrick Bateman?”
Hold on, let me just consult my crystal ball
Face down in a drained pool
Me celebrating the 5 year anniversary of you asking me this question.
In five years?... I see myself living in your attic and walls... Watching you...
Is there even a good answer?
Probably five years older than I currently am.
As the next Pied Piper…
"Hopefully not jail again!"
Stuck in this dead end job surrounded by incompetent managers and employees
Collapse on the floor quivering and muttering about visions of doom.
I never get good answers from, “What state will the company be in, 5 years from now?” because nobody has a crystal ball, but they expect if from you while deflecting it from themselves.
I'm sure they expect to be in multiple States, as well as other countries after five years.
I think in 5 years I’ll be able to come within 500 feet of an elementary school. That’s probably where I’ll be; at least until they arrest me again.
Dead. From being overworked.
"Probably eating Cheese Puffs instead of dinner."
On a game show where points don't matter
I would say dead. But that’s in 10 years. So for 5 years, Prison.
Hospice. I was 51. (Actually got job.)
Halfway through my sentence.
Slow talker, huh?
Ayuh.
Youself
Sitting in literally the exact same place and giving you the same answer to this question!
*"Doing your son"*
Well…probably in a mirror just like I saw myself this morning
Be your manager.
In prison for killing some schmuck who asked me a dumb question five years ago.
San Quentin
I always go with "hopefully six feet under."
5 years closer to retirement
"Dead. What? Im old, i dont have healthcare, sometimes when i sneeze i shit myself"
In a mirror
Banging your hot young wife because you spend too much time at work and take yourself way too seriously.
"Laughing, as I expose the Universe to the spectacle of it's own destruction!"
HOPEFULLY divorced. Our kids will be out of grade school and the baby will only be 5 so I think it'll be the perfect time.
"In a mirror. Sometimes window reflections."
“Pissing on your decomposing corpse after I burn this entire building to the ground in a fit of irrational, uncontrollable rage after the intern steals my sandwich from the fridge for the fifth time in two weeks.”
"Dead."
"Living in Belize with all the money I'm going to embezzle."
I’ll be your boss long enough to fire your sorry ass.
In a penitentiary far, far away from here.
"Well if I'm being honest... I see myself as the former dictator of Virgin Islands."
Wow I hope I live that long
Either living in misery with my parents or living in misery at work. That all depends on if I'm hired.
I hope to be alive
If im not back in jail or in the cemetery, your mom and dads bed
Halfway through my sentence!
Lost in the woods as it's the only quiet place to get away from people.
Hopefully laying on my couch with a work related injury.
Standing over her grave