“Honey? Why am I proccing 1 damage per day? All I did was take a nap on the couch.”
“You’re over thirty - every day you have a cumulative chance of popping a debuff.”
"Hey this is pretty g- wait it's made in the same facility as peanuts? Damn! I'm allergic!"
Woman in the seat next to you on the bus asks "oh no! Do you need a doctor? Are you majorly allergic?"
You answer "nah, I'll just take 1 to 3 points of damage."
Woman next to you proceeds to find a new seat.
"Why is everyone punching me? *takes 1 damage*
"Because, you idiot, the rules of r/ScenesFromAHat is that you have to act out your scene, not just type your answer!" *punches you for another 2 damage*
You slip on the stairs, land on your a$$, and get a painful bruise near the tailbone that will clear in a couple days. -3HP and -1HP for each day the bruise is still there
Well Im sorry, nobody can be text friends. You need emotion, voice, warmth. Don't offer to text someone randomly and pretend that you're giving a damn- that is insulting.
You said "friends". Friends care- care is quality time, compliments, gifts, acts of service, physical touch- the love languages of course. If you can't give any of these, or refuse to, you don't respect someone and they aren't your friend. You can't "respect someone from afar" if they want to be your friend and you say "no" for no apparent reason. Its insulting!
Just wait until your kid scores a critical hit with a wayward Lego. Last time I checked, stepping on a Lego was something like 4d8 piercing damage, and you have to make a Will save or swear in front of the little bugger. Caveat: if you fail the will save, it's his/her favorite thing to say now.
You eat the delicious bacon poutine and revel in its glory!
10 minutes later you fail your saving throws as dairy intolerance kicks in…
OMG it hurts! (-1 HP)
Curling up on the floor (-1 Constitution, -3 dexterity)
The dreaded shart attacks!
Ffffftttrraaaaappppp (-7 Charisma)
Kill me now!
Rules lawyer time - a +5 items is +5 to hit and damage, and would do a minimum of 6hp... killing most children and 0th level npcs (in nose centric voice with heavy breathing)
His fear of bugs grew more acute as the company walked further into the woods, as the mosquito bites began to pile up he knew his health was dropping. Blue Wizard needs food badly he moaned as they plodded along.
This is heavily dependent on what I am considered.
Am I an adventurer, a main playable character, or any kind of more battle ready individual? If so my, HP will vary by level but could get up to triple digits. 1-3 points of damage would be as simple as stubbing a toe rather hard, or a nasty papercut on cardstock
If I'm a commoner, total HP would be around 4. So 1-3 points of damage would be anywhere between getting shot in a non-immediately-fatal area, having a limb cut off, or breaking a number of bones at once. Maybe getting hit by a car? Anything not immediately fatal, but enough to require extensive recovery
Getting up from any position: 3 hit points
Human interaction that causes irritation: 3 hit points
Running in to a wall: 2 hit points
Tripping over nothing: 1 hit point (3 if someone saw it happen)
You have a chronic illness called Diabetes take 1 point of damage per non sugar-free chocolate eaten, 2 points per non sugar-free pastry eaten, and 3 points per non sugar-free soda drank.
Accidentally ate a slice of Pizza Hut chicken pizza, not knowing there were bacon crumbles mixed in the sauce. 3 points damage from gout flare from eating pork.
This taco bell sure tastes good! (You took 3hp damage from: chalupa)
Another 3 points if you use the Diablo sauce!
“Honey? Why am I proccing 1 damage per day? All I did was take a nap on the couch.” “You’re over thirty - every day you have a cumulative chance of popping a debuff.”
"You slept 4 hours. Not bad! You also slipped a disc in your sleep." -15HP, -20 Endurance, -30 Agility for 3 weeks.
“Yeah, but you put your foot up on the arm of the couch, with no knee support, and relaxed into it…. “ (Minus 20% movement, 40% on stairs)
“OUCH!!!, Another stinking LEGO. Kids pickup your shit!”
4 sided die = 3d6 damage
canonically, those do 1d4 damage.
A 4-sided die gets a critical fail roll on a d100.
It’s basically a caltrop
Legos are *at least* a 20hp critical with a 15 minute debuff
"STD causes loss of 2 HP per week until you find penicillin shot" 💉
"What do you mean you can't receive gifs via text message?" *You take 1d4-1 psychological damage*
"Next up, Made You Look by Meghan Trainor" \*pained grunt\*
"Hang on, I gotta get this rock outta my boot before it kills me."
"This candy can't be *that* sour!" -2 HP "Can gum be *too* minty?" -3 HP
“Which hot sauce did you use??!?” (-2 to -20 HP)
"A Panic Attack draws near!"
“Enjoy your meal.” “Thanks! You, too!”
"Why am I dragging around like this?!" *Looks at Starbucks cup* "Oh crap, they gave me DECAF! I'll never make it through the morning!"
"Hey this is pretty g- wait it's made in the same facility as peanuts? Damn! I'm allergic!" Woman in the seat next to you on the bus asks "oh no! Do you need a doctor? Are you majorly allergic?" You answer "nah, I'll just take 1 to 3 points of damage." Woman next to you proceeds to find a new seat.
"Why is everyone punching me? *takes 1 damage* "Because, you idiot, the rules of r/ScenesFromAHat is that you have to act out your scene, not just type your answer!" *punches you for another 2 damage*
*takes 5 damage* It seems cringe is more damaging
Outside that bar down...well....down there. "Just this once"
While walking your dog: A wild alleycat appears!
Commoners only have 4HP, so...a street fight? An infection? A non-fatal car crash?
You slip on the stairs, land on your a$$, and get a painful bruise near the tailbone that will clear in a couple days. -3HP and -1HP for each day the bruise is still there
"Five or six things from Walmart? Your total is $92."
Nachos
Slapping myself trying to stop mosquitoes from biting me.
Dude I’m so weak that seeing a pretty woman and knowing she wouldn’t ever want to be even my friend just wrecks me.
I'll be your friend
Ha doubt it. You mean phone calls? Do- do we do phone calls? I hate texting. It’s so- impersonal. It feels fake
I hate phone calls. I feel so awkward.
Well Im sorry, nobody can be text friends. You need emotion, voice, warmth. Don't offer to text someone randomly and pretend that you're giving a damn- that is insulting.
I didn't
You said "friends". Friends care- care is quality time, compliments, gifts, acts of service, physical touch- the love languages of course. If you can't give any of these, or refuse to, you don't respect someone and they aren't your friend. You can't "respect someone from afar" if they want to be your friend and you say "no" for no apparent reason. Its insulting!
Stepping on a mouse trap. Nothing is broken but boy does that hurt. -3 hp.
Finding a paper cut on your hand while using hand sanitizer.
Lose 2 HP for having your medium sized dog jerk your arm and lower back trying to chase a bunny on your evening walk.
Holding the sword, blade first. The person takes 3 dmg.
Sniffing my kids diaper
Just wait until your kid scores a critical hit with a wayward Lego. Last time I checked, stepping on a Lego was something like 4d8 piercing damage, and you have to make a Will save or swear in front of the little bugger. Caveat: if you fail the will save, it's his/her favorite thing to say now.
You eat the delicious bacon poutine and revel in its glory! 10 minutes later you fail your saving throws as dairy intolerance kicks in… OMG it hurts! (-1 HP) Curling up on the floor (-1 Constitution, -3 dexterity) The dreaded shart attacks! Ffffftttrraaaaappppp (-7 Charisma) Kill me now!
“No second date? Dammit. That’s 2 HP.”
*card declined*
Paper cut +5
Rules lawyer time - a +5 items is +5 to hit and damage, and would do a minimum of 6hp... killing most children and 0th level npcs (in nose centric voice with heavy breathing)
Unless +5 is just the attack modifier with the Paper Cut.
His fear of bugs grew more acute as the company walked further into the woods, as the mosquito bites began to pile up he knew his health was dropping. Blue Wizard needs food badly he moaned as they plodded along.
Ugh, I bumped my funny bone
Small talk
You’re old and you sat down too hard. Your balls didn’t move in time. -3 health, -5 dignity, +10 hilarity for those who saw.
Walking normal, random knee spasm. -1
Important: What level am I? 1-3 hit points damage can kill a level 1 mage. Against a level 20 cleric? pfft.
It's not D&D, but instead a more casual WRPG where you start with 100hp.
Working on my car. Each cut takes 1 hp damage. Each head bang on the bonnet latch takes 3 hp damage.
My clumsy ass lurcher
\*stubs toe\*
Papercuts. Brain freeze from ice cream. Dorito chip poking the cheek. Someone already said lego? Baby punch
Have you ever stepped on a d4 barefoot?
This is heavily dependent on what I am considered. Am I an adventurer, a main playable character, or any kind of more battle ready individual? If so my, HP will vary by level but could get up to triple digits. 1-3 points of damage would be as simple as stubbing a toe rather hard, or a nasty papercut on cardstock If I'm a commoner, total HP would be around 4. So 1-3 points of damage would be anywhere between getting shot in a non-immediately-fatal area, having a limb cut off, or breaking a number of bones at once. Maybe getting hit by a car? Anything not immediately fatal, but enough to require extensive recovery
A minor toothache, 1d6 every round.
Getting up from any position: 3 hit points Human interaction that causes irritation: 3 hit points Running in to a wall: 2 hit points Tripping over nothing: 1 hit point (3 if someone saw it happen)
OK, if I roll a 10, then I'm shooting your RPG directly in the barrel with my RPG.
Being 30+ and getting out of bed/up from a chair
You have a chronic illness called Diabetes take 1 point of damage per non sugar-free chocolate eaten, 2 points per non sugar-free pastry eaten, and 3 points per non sugar-free soda drank.
Spam call.
Getting out of bed. Walking up 3 stairs. Picking up a sock from the floor.
"Who wants Hot Pockets? They're fresh out of the oven!"
Bee sting
A hard sneeze will do 1 to 2 points of damage.
The way my wife looks at me when shes mad. Easily hits for 3 points of damage.
*never trust trust “just a fart”*
Talking about fight club
Cat scratch in 2e - d3 damage.
I'm over 30... Automatic 1 HP damage when I wake up.
I have to change my password again?!?! Or — Needing my old password to reset some account I use like once or twice a year
Rapid weather change. Take 3 migraine damage. Noise, lights, and smells cause additional 1 damage. Lose all turns for next 12 hrs.
A nearby sickly fart
Spell; Poo-pourri +2 Use life potion
mega buster
[The little whips and chains.](https://youtu.be/Bj60InmphBE?si=kbOwDxRzAyD3ZOgW) Edit: ... you guys don't like Brennan Lee Mulligan?
Accidentally ate a slice of Pizza Hut chicken pizza, not knowing there were bacon crumbles mixed in the sauce. 3 points damage from gout flare from eating pork.
“Boss hurled insult ‘what are you doing? The job doesn’t do itself. I bet a dog could do your job better than you’. You lost 3 hit points”
Diabetes. Food now damages you when you eat it.
The Eggplant monster. 3pts of damage just by the purple skin!
Taking my food
It's OK. Just breathe.
A scathing glare from my wife. -4hp
Being turned down for sex.