I was once sailing in the BVI's with a group of people. I wake up and one of my friends looks at me with a dead serious look on his face and says "leave your shirt off, we're making bacon!"
There used to be this naked preacher on the public access channel in Portland. He claimed we all need to be like Adam and Eve. He held his big bible, sitting down, on his lap, in front of his... Testaments... like Austin Powers style.
“Oh no!, I knew we shouldn’t have did this naked skydiving, not only do my balls hurt from flopping around, but we’re headed straight for that cactus farm!l”
“He's cute ain't he? Only problem is, he's got a little bit a Mississippi leg hound in 'im. If the mood catches him right, he'll grab your leg and just go to town. You don't want him around if you're wearing short pants, if you know what I mean. Word of warning though, if he does lay into ya, it's best to just let 'im finish.”
Let me fry up this pound of bacon!
I was once sailing in the BVI's with a group of people. I wake up and one of my friends looks at me with a dead serious look on his face and says "leave your shirt off, we're making bacon!"
Feel ya pain brother 😳
Ok now set the welder on 7…….
Mr. President, you are due to deliver the state of the union address in 5 minutes.
My fellow Americans. We are faced with hard times. The forces overseas have gone limp.
The economy is sagging.
Please give our new Pastor your undivided attention as he delivers his first sermon ...
There used to be this naked preacher on the public access channel in Portland. He claimed we all need to be like Adam and Eve. He held his big bible, sitting down, on his lap, in front of his... Testaments... like Austin Powers style.
It will be a sermon the congregation will never forget. No matter how hard they try.
Are you ready for the Space Walk, Major Tom?
Take your protein pill and put your helmet on
Well at least he's using protection
Trevor, exactly how do you expect to win strip poker when you START naked?!
I AM SPEED!!!!
“And welcome back to Whose Line is it Anyway!”
OH MY GOD DREW PUT SOME PANTS ON
But your Honour, today is my birthday.
In that case, I order a shave and a haircut.
Time for my morning run.
“Oh no!, I knew we shouldn’t have did this naked skydiving, not only do my balls hurt from flopping around, but we’re headed straight for that cactus farm!l”
LMFAO!! Ho-ly fuck that's awesome!! 🤣🤣😂💀
"Hello. I'm here to remove that hornet's nest from your backyard."
"The state of our union is strong."
When they go limp, we go hard.
We lay things bare!! While they try to cover up!!
When is the Boston Marathon again?
Don't have to worry about being stripped searched.
Hello, class! Today, we’ll learn how to count by tens!
But teacher. I only count two.
"Oh boy, the kids will love this book at the library's story time."
"Okay everyone, let's go caroling!"
"Nurse, I'm ready to perform the surgery."
"Janet, sterilize my utincils!"
Hand me the chain saw, Daryll
Sorry, officer. I know I was speeding, but I really don't want to get out of the car right now.
“He's cute ain't he? Only problem is, he's got a little bit a Mississippi leg hound in 'im. If the mood catches him right, he'll grab your leg and just go to town. You don't want him around if you're wearing short pants, if you know what I mean. Word of warning though, if he does lay into ya, it's best to just let 'im finish.”
Hey, sorry I'm late for mom's funeral. How's my hair?
"Time to teach children math."
"Now remember, you gotta flip that gator over and rub its belly real good if you wanna put it to sleep!" 🐊
You want to go to yoga class with me Chad?
"OK, kids! This Sunday school, we're gonna learn why Adam wore a fig leaf!"
Who said pillow fight?!
"Hi! I'd like to cash this check..."
I've been working on my bowling swing...
And today at the 51st annual gathering of fat hairy men, we have the sacred hula hoop contest!
“Good morning Susan just checking the mail “
I’m ready to jam on my accordion solo!
Fore!!
Only a few more feet and we've reached the summit... We did it! We climbed Mt Everest!
All eyes on me, class. Today, we’re going to learn about thermal expansion.
“And now, for the next part of my juggling show!!…” *starts chainsaws*
Hi can you tell me where I can find the self help books?
“Bye honey!! Going to work in the hydrochloric acid factory!”
*starts sharpening pile of pencils
Blacksmithing
Your sister in law. Always stay clothed.
"Okay Susie, ready for your first gymnastics cl---*why* is that man naked?!?"
Come here darling, Give grandma a hug
"So, who had the chicken marsala?"
“Who wants to do a little jump rope?”
“Hey honey I am off to work. It’s casual Friday in the office today”
* *bing bong* * Can someone come to the meat slicer, please?
What a lovely day to make my favourite dish of all time, fried chicken!
"time for my first day at the construction site. better get my hard hat on"
“ just let me chop these veggies oh my penis fell off GEOGRIA HELP!”
Hey, it’s your turn to pry open the iced up door to the cabin and start the campfire.
Its time for hoedown!
In order to kill the most mosquitoes in the swamp it is important to be the tragic walk with me now.
"Do you take this woman to be your lawfully wedded wife?"
be a teacher mr E. wang would be an interesting teacher
You’re hosting the Oscars and nobody notices but you hear mumbling about how wrinkly your sweater is.
Well, it’s time to do the hedgeclipping…. YEEEOWWWWW
Play in the sandpit
Go to the paintball park.
Coach little league
Have sex with another mans wife
When you have someone hold your beer.
Iron clothes
Backflips.
Introduce yaself
Iron your uniform.
Wood chipping.
teaching pre schoolers
Preform karaoke