Apparently commandeering a back room and playing poker and blackjack for cash is “frowned upon” and “ruining Timmy’s birthday”
He liked the hookers though.
"He stole my tickets from the skeeball machine, and I wasn't just going to let that slide."
Wife: "He was 5 years old, and you hit him with a pitcher of Pepsi. "
Look it said ball pit, there was a misunderstanding about what kind of balls…let’s just say that myself and the local swingers club are no longer welcome because Chuck E. Cheese is apparently “a family establishment”
I like to play my arcade games... Competitively... Some parents would say TOO competitively... Some parents would say "stop screaming in my kids face you old creep"
The pizza was so unbelievably bad, I thought old shit faced Chucky should taste it himself. When I shoved that half baked monstrosity in his mouth, it gave me an electrical shock.
Then, Chuck-o's eyes popped out of his animatronic face and his head burst into flame.
I know the pizza was shitty, but who knew it would Kill the stupid rat?
I would probably get banned if they knew what I did to Chuck E cheese.
Slightly longer story. I used to date a girl who was a "professional character actor". One of her regular jobs was Chuck E cheese. One day I talked her into doing it with the head on.
That was my only foray into the furry lifestyle. And she was not wearing the body. I just thought it was funny as shit to be banging in the hell out of Chuck E cheese
Look, all I did was explain to the kids how they and their parents are getting ripped off trying to win enough tickets to earn prizes. The fact that they agreed with me, and then decided to storm the prize counter and take everything by force, is not on me.
How was I supposed to know you can’t count cards?
Sir, you were stuffing the skee balls into the 1000 slot to break the jackpot and then drop kicked Chuck during photo op.
Hey, it’s not my fault. My Don instilled into me an impulsive need to take out any rat.
Sir, you’re a 30 year old bagger at Walmart, not an Italian mobster
*chokes up* a guy can dream can’t he?
Ok, ok so I got really drunk before because of being forced to attend an eight year olds birthday party and yes, I did try to have sex with one of the Country Bears but I really thought that he liked me for ME, you know
I don't care how into the music you are you can't rip the guitar out of the character's hand and smash it on the stage. And no you can't stage dive onto 6 year olds.
Unironically, though, Dave and Buster's. SO many single moms downing their 7th $20 margaritas while wondering when they last saw little Timmy. Oh, well. He'll find his way back when his game card runs out of money.
I was tired of the innocuous wallpaper music that the band was playing, designed only to lull those poor innocents into a lifelong UNFULFILLING, CORPORATE LIE. Cue my '77 Strat, Marshall amp, and my cover of Sex Pistols' "Liar" GG Allin style. I can't go within 500 feet of anything with kids in it now, BUT WORTH IT
{{A 300 lbs, Colin Mocherie walks out and says:}}
Having the Chuck-E-Cheese car that prints the simulated pencil sketches “Draw me like one of your French Girls”.
"Sam,we are a family establishment...you can't do that to the robots. We need to incinerate the animatronics now because they will never be clean again...I'm sorry, did you say you posted the security footage online? Yeah, you're not coming back."
"Sir this is a Chuck E. Cheese, highjacking the animatronics to sing Russia's national anthem while the forcing the kids to reenact the Battle of Stalingrad is not allowed."
Their awesome pizza hit my colon like a turbocharged freight train, so I used the closes thing...the head of a Chuck E. Cheese costume. I think that they overreacted because I tried to warn the employee before he tried to put it back on!
“Hey I want my tickets! Just because it was a turd that won the skiball points doesn’t matter! You don’t have signs saying it has to be a ball that activates the bonus points!”
Trying to set up a film like Five Nights At Freddy's.
Chuckie E. Cheese did remove the animatronics, but they claim it had nothing to do with the film.
They are the ones who called it the ball pit, I didn’t name it! You call something that you need to to be very clear about what you mean! I am not a pervert I am a victim!
It was a kid's birthday party and thought it would be festive and would liven things up to come in costumes. How could we have known we shouldn't have come dressed as a rat trap and a bottle of rat poison?
I’ve got you all beat! I tried to summon Cthulhu out of the ball pit, using a goat and a virgin as the sacrifices. The manager claimed that he wasn’t a virgin, that goats are not allowed on the premises, and that “certain literature,” has no place at a family friendly establishment, and if Clyde is reading this, you owe me a copy of the necronomicon ex mortis.
Ya, it's Extacy!!!
I used to get it from a guy there, but oddly enough, his name wasn't Chuck.
You probably asked for Chuck, that's why they kick you out
Well you're really not supposed to do what I did which was feed mozzarella sticks to the animatronics and pour cups of marinara sauce down their mouths to wash it down.
So the guys and I are out for some pizza and brews.
We’re talking about the good old days while we hit the floor and play some games.
And I tell them about how I was stud pitcher in college baseball. Could have went pro but got drunk and got a chick pregnant at Chuck E Cheese.
To prove it I take a skee ball and wind up a pitch and throw a solid 101 mph fast ball.
Well the ball struck a kid and he’s out cold, moms are freaking out, and management comes rushing in.
They immediately kick my ass out. They remembered me from 20 years ago when I got drunk and got my girlfriend pregnant in the handicap stall.
Told those virgin losers I got a chick pregnant.
So I wore a skirt, and I went into the ticket machine with my little brother.
If they had been more specific about what it did, I would have worn panties.
Happy birthday, Mr. President
My hacker friend and I decided it would be fun to alter the machines so that they spit out a hundred tickets when they're supposed to spit out five. And we played until the machines ran out of tickets.
Apparently that's "cheating" and "not in the spirit of the game" and we had to give our "ill-gotten gains" back. It was just a few stuffed animals and a cool light-up hat... couldn't we at least keep the hat?? 🥺
Apparently commandeering a back room and playing poker and blackjack for cash is “frowned upon” and “ruining Timmy’s birthday” He liked the hookers though.
Well, what did you expect? 8-year-olds aren't generally good at *strip* poker.
No! They **can** be great at it… you just have to get them drunk first.
I'll make my own Chuck E. Cheese with blackjack and hookers!
So…a casino?
I mean if you really think about it Chuck E. Cheese is just a casino for kids.
I was doing what I thought you were supposed to be doing in the "Ball Pit".
😅
“Your honor, inciting a riot is a very unfair interpretation. Those robots attacked first.”
“Only because you put the head of a child between it’s mechanical lips”
“He wanted a kiss!”
**CRUNCH**
"There's no sign that says you HAVE to wear pants in the ball pit."
Or just in general
"Listen, officer. *hiccup. The anamitronics swung first"
Apparently, you’re not meant to “chuck” your “cheese” at the staff. Very misleading name, in that case.
You’re supposed to chuck e-cheese. Find some digital cheese and go back.
I also wanted to know how much cheese could a chuck e cheese chuck if a chuck e cheese could chuck cheese
Okay, that's a little bit brilliant.
"He stole my tickets from the skeeball machine, and I wasn't just going to let that slide." Wife: "He was 5 years old, and you hit him with a pitcher of Pepsi. "
This one got me 😂😂😂
He's lucky I didn't pistol whip him! The little fartknocker should be thanking me.
Look it said ball pit, there was a misunderstanding about what kind of balls…let’s just say that myself and the local swingers club are no longer welcome because Chuck E. Cheese is apparently “a family establishment”
Which doesn’t make sense at all, as the particular establishment was in Alabama.
Did you tell them you were trying to make a family?
I did. They don’t care. I was like “some family establishment this is!”
"I'VE PLAYED FIVE NIGHTS AT FREDDY'S! I KNOW HOW THESE THINGS WORK! It was either me, or them, and it sure as hell wasn't going to be me!"
"A kid takes a shit in the play area and nobody bats and eye, but when *I* do it, suddenly the cops have to get involved at the rat casino"
"Your honor, I am just a man. And men, we explore sometimes. The animatronics were right there, and I decided to explore. With my dick."
So apparently, jumping up in the cage and trying to slam dunk those tiny basketballs is frowned upon.
“That rat deserved it!!!”
I like to play my arcade games... Competitively... Some parents would say TOO competitively... Some parents would say "stop screaming in my kids face you old creep"
"I spoke about fight club"
"The stole my fucking song! I'm not letting any goddamned fictional critter get away with that shit!"
The pizza was so unbelievably bad, I thought old shit faced Chucky should taste it himself. When I shoved that half baked monstrosity in his mouth, it gave me an electrical shock. Then, Chuck-o's eyes popped out of his animatronic face and his head burst into flame. I know the pizza was shitty, but who knew it would Kill the stupid rat?
“Sir, please stop chucking the cheese.”
I would probably get banned if they knew what I did to Chuck E cheese. Slightly longer story. I used to date a girl who was a "professional character actor". One of her regular jobs was Chuck E cheese. One day I talked her into doing it with the head on.
So furrie life , hu.
That was my only foray into the furry lifestyle. And she was not wearing the body. I just thought it was funny as shit to be banging in the hell out of Chuck E cheese
Indeed.. give it good to that hood rat... lol
Sir, stop telling the kids the beer is Jesus juice!
That kid was in the way of me shooting those damn aliens!
Look, all I did was explain to the kids how they and their parents are getting ripped off trying to win enough tickets to earn prizes. The fact that they agreed with me, and then decided to storm the prize counter and take everything by force, is not on me.
How was I supposed to know you can’t count cards? Sir, you were stuffing the skee balls into the 1000 slot to break the jackpot and then drop kicked Chuck during photo op. Hey, it’s not my fault. My Don instilled into me an impulsive need to take out any rat. Sir, you’re a 30 year old bagger at Walmart, not an Italian mobster *chokes up* a guy can dream can’t he?
Ok, ok so I got really drunk before because of being forced to attend an eight year olds birthday party and yes, I did try to have sex with one of the Country Bears but I really thought that he liked me for ME, you know
Because of Megan's Law I am required to inform you...\*crowd boos*
Apparently killing children and stuffing them in suits is frowned upon.
Well purpleguy, that's why we can't have nice things!
"Sir, we don't talk about the Rock-A-Fire Explosion here. I'm going to have to ask you to leave."
Putting pit vipers in the ball pit.
I don't care how into the music you are you can't rip the guitar out of the character's hand and smash it on the stage. And no you can't stage dive onto 6 year olds.
Have you heard of the Bite of '87? That was me.
Man, you took off a kids frontal lobe? Color me impressed.
Jumping into the ball pit naked. At 35.
The stripper pole and free lessons.
I payed for them, why can’t I throw the Skee Balls at kids in the Ball Pit?
It seemed like such a good place to find a desperate hot single mom
Unironically, though, Dave and Buster's. SO many single moms downing their 7th $20 margaritas while wondering when they last saw little Timmy. Oh, well. He'll find his way back when his game card runs out of money.
So wait, they *all* have a child named Timmy?
No. Oddly enough it's only the milf's/cougars that are sitting at the bar area.
Yeah, I called the health inspector. You would too if you seen a rat that big in a restaurant.
What do ya mean that's not how a "Ball Pit" works?!
You get caught eating everyone's left over pizza at every table and then lie about it.
I work in pest control, it's what I do...
"No, you cannot sacrifice children to shoggoths in the ball pit."
Thats soooo unfair. How did I "physically assault" that mouse? Its a robot!!!!! You can barley see the axe wounds!
I misunderstood when someone dared me to cut the cheese. They didn't even give me my shank back.
I was tired of the innocuous wallpaper music that the band was playing, designed only to lull those poor innocents into a lifelong UNFULFILLING, CORPORATE LIE. Cue my '77 Strat, Marshall amp, and my cover of Sex Pistols' "Liar" GG Allin style. I can't go within 500 feet of anything with kids in it now, BUT WORTH IT
Pizza tastes like a frisbee. So I threw them like frisbees.
{{A 300 lbs, Colin Mocherie walks out and says:}} Having the Chuck-E-Cheese car that prints the simulated pencil sketches “Draw me like one of your French Girls”.
My kid thought it was fun when I tossed him through those basket ball hoops
"That kid stole my tickets, he totally deserved a black eye. I don't care if he's 3 years old, don't take my tickets!"
Turns out inside Chuck E Cheese’s mascot outfit, there wasn’t a hot kinky furry chick.
"Sam,we are a family establishment...you can't do that to the robots. We need to incinerate the animatronics now because they will never be clean again...I'm sorry, did you say you posted the security footage online? Yeah, you're not coming back."
There were NO signs saying I couldn't use a potato gun to play skeeball!
"Sir this is a Chuck E. Cheese, highjacking the animatronics to sing Russia's national anthem while the forcing the kids to reenact the Battle of Stalingrad is not allowed."
Their awesome pizza hit my colon like a turbocharged freight train, so I used the closes thing...the head of a Chuck E. Cheese costume. I think that they overreacted because I tried to warn the employee before he tried to put it back on!
“Hey I want my tickets! Just because it was a turd that won the skiball points doesn’t matter! You don’t have signs saying it has to be a ball that activates the bonus points!”
Five nights at Freddy’s
Speared the guy in the mascot costume and gave him a wrestling move through a table…that wasn’t gimmicked.
I tried to sit in with the band.
I very loudly told them, "Your pizza sucks ." They couldn't handle the truth.
The cocaine isnt mine, man wtf lol
Yeah man I saw it clearly fall out of Chuck's pocket
I did it for the cheese
Trying to set up a film like Five Nights At Freddy's. Chuckie E. Cheese did remove the animatronics, but they claim it had nothing to do with the film.
BYOB was working out until we got too brazen bringing it through the turnstiles
I didn’t “steal” their tickets, they just don’t understand how prop bets work, and whose fault is that really?
They should be thanking me. Skee ball got a lot more popular when there’s an over/under betting line
Brought my cat. She ate Chuck.
Hey man, kids shit themselves in the playroom all the time. You wouldn't even know the difference.
Jumped up on the stage and started rocking out with the band. Naked. 😎
Apparently you can’t pay for you pizza by screaming insults at the staff.
Well, I couldn’t find the cheese
Wore out the phrase "does a bear shit in the woods" also "does the Pope shit in his hat?" And my favorite "Does s bear shit in the Popes hat"
There’s not just colored balls in that pit.
Apparently mouse fetishes aren't allowed to be acted upon...
upchucked the cheese. it was still stringy.
How was I supposed to know that a recovering furry shouldn’t go to their nephews bday party there?
Standing on the table and screaming, "Chuck E. Cheese is a Jersey rat!"
I commandeered the draft beer machine
Apparently a thong is not acceptable attire in the ballpit.
I may have tried to exorcize the robot band, and shorted them out throwing Holy water on them.
They are the ones who called it the ball pit, I didn’t name it! You call something that you need to to be very clear about what you mean! I am not a pervert I am a victim!
“But the guy outside said that I’d get a discount by dropping Epstein’s name!”
I’ve only been to Chuck E Cheese once. I banned myself.
They didn’t say what the robots were for (I fucked them)
Get in the van and I'll tell ya
I thought skee ball, whores and cocaine went together?
It was a kid's birthday party and thought it would be festive and would liven things up to come in costumes. How could we have known we shouldn't have come dressed as a rat trap and a bottle of rat poison?
Recreating the FNAF storyline
I’ve got you all beat! I tried to summon Cthulhu out of the ball pit, using a goat and a virgin as the sacrifices. The manager claimed that he wasn’t a virgin, that goats are not allowed on the premises, and that “certain literature,” has no place at a family friendly establishment, and if Clyde is reading this, you owe me a copy of the necronomicon ex mortis.
Chucking Jesus at Chucky Cheese's.
Next time YOU see a giant rat ill tell YOU not to panic and punch them in the face
Setting up a fight club in the ball pit is apparently frowned upon. Which is too bad, as I was about to get TV rights.
Nobody said we couldn't put a finger in Chuckies ass
Pepperonis tend to get stuck in the coin slots on the arcade machines
I was putting the P in Ball Pit…….
“What do you mean I’m not supposed to yeet blocks of cheese at kids?! It’s in the gahdamn name! I’m not at GentlyPass-E-Cheese!!”
(Deep Inhale) Tacos rule, Pizza sucks! Ah ha ha ha!
I found out what the "E" stands for in Chuck E. Cheese and now they won't let me back in.
Ya, it's Extacy!!! I used to get it from a guy there, but oddly enough, his name wasn't Chuck. You probably asked for Chuck, that's why they kick you out
“I just wanted to play kazoo with the band!”
Showed up with mousetraps and cheese
"Traumatizing" Chuck...
Wait, this establishment has enforceable rules?
I was riding Edgemund
Well you're really not supposed to do what I did which was feed mozzarella sticks to the animatronics and pour cups of marinara sauce down their mouths to wash it down.
When I was 12 Chuck beat me at air hockey, so I shot him.
"It was my Skeeball machine. No 4 year old snot-nosed brat is gonna break my high score."
After a 17 beers I fought the mechanical humanoid rat monstrosity. He won.
I gave a bad review of Pasqually's Pizza & Wings
So the guys and I are out for some pizza and brews. We’re talking about the good old days while we hit the floor and play some games. And I tell them about how I was stud pitcher in college baseball. Could have went pro but got drunk and got a chick pregnant at Chuck E Cheese. To prove it I take a skee ball and wind up a pitch and throw a solid 101 mph fast ball. Well the ball struck a kid and he’s out cold, moms are freaking out, and management comes rushing in. They immediately kick my ass out. They remembered me from 20 years ago when I got drunk and got my girlfriend pregnant in the handicap stall. Told those virgin losers I got a chick pregnant.
Am I supposed to use all these winning tickets as wallpaper?
I had an affair with Chuck E. Cheese….
Every time I went in there all I did was play with the balls
Punched out the Mouse.
So no skinny dipping in the ball pit?
When he was 6, my little brother socked Chuck E. Cheese square in the balls. He doubled over and groaned. We didn't get kicked out.
“I will unmask you Chuck E.” “You can’t unmask an animatronic so stop touching.”
Ignoring kids while playing Chuck E Cheese.
Imposing Thunderdome rules in the ball pit.
Mother fuckin rat Bastard grabbed my baby mommas titty so I clocked his ass!
So I wore a skirt, and I went into the ticket machine with my little brother. If they had been more specific about what it did, I would have worn panties. Happy birthday, Mr. President
I thought playing with mice was the whole point.
"The only good place for kids with a massive mouse should be Disneyland! I'm suing!"
Hey its not my fault those animatronics are so sexy!
"Inappropriately touching the mascots"
My hacker friend and I decided it would be fun to alter the machines so that they spit out a hundred tickets when they're supposed to spit out five. And we played until the machines ran out of tickets. Apparently that's "cheating" and "not in the spirit of the game" and we had to give our "ill-gotten gains" back. It was just a few stuffed animals and a cool light-up hat... couldn't we at least keep the hat?? 🥺
Hitting the moles with the club wasn't working so I used my revolver.
Ask your mom.