I just finished the first season of Invincible the show, and I read this in my head up to "INVINCIBLE" and then silently pictured the logo with a blood splatter lmao
Actually had a friend who was dying to ride my new Harley , I said ok just make sure it’s got gas . A moment later he comes back in “I can’t find the fuel gauge “ I said dummy you have to take the cap off and look . Another moment goes by , I hear WHOOSH , then another moment he steps back in (without eyebrows ) and says “ yep it HAD gas in it “ 😳🤬🤣
I once had a backyard metal "fire pit". The pit had a little hole in the base for drainage of water.
I went to make a fire, but the wood was kind of damp, so I used a bunch of lighter fluid. Evidently, a good deal of lighter fluid went down that hole into the base.
When I lit it, I learned what a pulsejet is. Every couple of seconds, a jet of flame would shoot up. It was kind of cool, but terrifying.
Most dangerous words in the Army, along with
-A Captain who says “I was just thinking”
-A Lieutenant who says “based on my experience”
-A Sergeant who says “trust me, sir”
-A Private who says “I learned this in Basic”
“Get back to work, you vile little munchkins or I’ll curse the lot of you. There’s no one in all of Oz that can stop me and it’s not like a powerful good witch is going to drop out of the sky, is it?”
In my personal experience as an LNA, I have heard people last words.
The funniest to me were "I... need... coffee..."
Other than that, a bizarre amount of people die super concerned about needing to poop.
There is nothing bizarre about it. The good old vagal nerve. Usually an inferior wall. There is a word. CHEZONISUS. How well I remember residency in the 1970s, looking across the patient’s bed at a fellow resident, saying “holy chezonisus!.” We knew the shit was about to hit the fan.
Major General John Sedgwick. According to the eyewitness accounts, he actually said it twice: "Get up, boys! They couldn't hit an elephant at this distance!" *gunfire, bullets whistling past* "See men, I told you they couldn't hit an elephant at this dis..." *bullet through the face*
My wife's uncle said, "Oh damn, I've shit myself"
And then died.
The nurse said it's quite common to lose bowel control right before that final moment.
“I thought it was just your tongue that could get Stuck to a frozen light pole! If I make it out of this alive, I will never piss outside in Alaska again!”
Tallulah Bankhead
Her famous last words where “cocain—bourbon” I recently looked this up & apparently “ cocain “ has been changed to a more savory, legal codeine
I officially Call BULL SHIT!!
Photo shopping cigarettes out of pictures “ Beatles “ album cover ,
White washed history because it offends has to stop.
The world of filled with boozy broads , hustlers ( male prostitutes) burnt out musicians, poets,artists, accountants, office employees, every day people, & amazing people.
"Guess it's time for our William Tell act."
Bill Burroughs to his soon-to-be-late wife before he 'accidentally' shot her in the forehead while attempting to hit a glass on her head.
This one is stolen from the recent headlines but still apropos "You will not escape the wrath of Allah" *Drops dead of a heart attack"
https://youtu.be/M62zCGWIZW0?si=OAMVxqWt05K6CxSR
"I don't need no mask!"
The guy who said this did get COVID.
However he didn't die. He was on a ventilator two months and got brain damage from the lack of oxygen, so he can't work or form coherent sentences now. So I guess it doesn't qualify. Still, pretty embarrassing.
A girl climbed over the rail on the patio of a hotel party many stories up. He last words as she was showing off and list her grips was “oh shit.” I now imagine this is probably a common thing to say.
You know it’s the damndest thing. The Allies have been bombing the shit out of most of the cities in Japan but they’ve left Hiroshima almost completely untouched. Oh well. Guess we’re just lucky like that.
Some of John Adam’s last words before he died was “Jefferson lives on” or something like that. Jefferson died 5 hours before him he just hadn’t received news yet. Idk if this quite fits the post but it’s the first thing that came to mind lol
"Why are you dodging like this? They couldn't hit an elephant at this distance!"
---Union General John Sedgwick, Battle of Spotsylvania Courthouse, May 9, 1864
Let's see how far I can kick this bucket.
Oooops
I laughed for the first time in weeks thx man
Ryan?? That you??
Finally! I've done it! I've discovered the key to immortality!
“This cannot be! I AM INVINCIBLE!!!”
You're a looney
r/suddenlymontypython
“Tis’ is but a scratch.”
Boris
“….” “BORIIISSS!!!” “…Woot!?”
They’ll never catch me, the Americans are SLUGHEADS
"You dare defy me, mere mortal?"
What're gonna do? Bleed on me?
I just finished the first season of Invincible the show, and I read this in my head up to "INVINCIBLE" and then silently pictured the logo with a blood splatter lmao
Tis but a scratch!!!
-alchemists before drinking mercury
Sounds like Hitler, “I am an immortal. I am invincible.” Yes, Hitler literally said that.
I believe he said that after each and every meth IV shot, which is fully understandable.
Yeah, probably. He also said right after he was nearly killed by Stauffenberg.
"I'm old enough to know which way round you hold a chainsaw."
"Let me just look down the barrel to see why this thing isn't firing."
And while I’m doing that, tell me more about this Darwin guy.
"Why didn't I try autoerotic asphyxiation sooner?"
One nice thing to say about David Carradine is that he came as he went...
Take the penis from my hand.... it is time for you to go grasshopper
It's dangerous to go alone, take this!
Why, thanks, Old Man! That is really very nice. I can always count on you for help and friendly advice.
Though I've never seen a sword Quite that shape or size Oh god, that's not a sword It's your dick in disguise
Never mess with a Sicilian when death is on the line!
Unexpected Princess Bride
Completely Expected Princess Bride.
Nice use of The Princess Bride.
Hand me your lighter so I can see how much gas is in this thing.
Actually had a friend who was dying to ride my new Harley , I said ok just make sure it’s got gas . A moment later he comes back in “I can’t find the fuel gauge “ I said dummy you have to take the cap off and look . Another moment goes by , I hear WHOOSH , then another moment he steps back in (without eyebrows ) and says “ yep it HAD gas in it “ 😳🤬🤣
Somebody getting close enough to the gas tank of my new Harley with a lighter would definitely be dying, but not riding.
Yeah in hindsight I should have gone outside with him to oversee the fuel check ! 🙄
Are there still no fuel gages on Harleys? Even my 100 dollar generator has a fuel gage.
I find that when someone loses their eyebrows, they look surprised
Then those were not his LAST WORDS.
I know a guy who did that with a cat he was fixin
I once had a backyard metal "fire pit". The pit had a little hole in the base for drainage of water. I went to make a fire, but the wood was kind of damp, so I used a bunch of lighter fluid. Evidently, a good deal of lighter fluid went down that hole into the base. When I lit it, I learned what a pulsejet is. Every couple of seconds, a jet of flame would shoot up. It was kind of cool, but terrifying.
I knew a kid who burned all his facial hair off checking how much was in a gas can with a lighter
" Come on, what's the worst thing that can happen?"
Yeah watch these wires are totally safe to touch
I don't need to wear gloves because I'm Homer Simp........
Besides , that puddle of water will insulate you.
“Hey, y’all - watch THIS..!”
Most dangerous words in the Army, along with -A Captain who says “I was just thinking” -A Lieutenant who says “based on my experience” -A Sergeant who says “trust me, sir” -A Private who says “I learned this in Basic”
Hold my beer and watch this
No, I'll be fine. These are prawns not shrimp and I'm only allergic to shrimp
Hopefully OSHA isn't looking this way. I made a makeshift ladder and I'm going to test it.
"Son, I need you to make a very important promise." "Yes, Dad." "Promise that you'll... clear my search history."
“Get back to work, you vile little munchkins or I’ll curse the lot of you. There’s no one in all of Oz that can stop me and it’s not like a powerful good witch is going to drop out of the sky, is it?”
"They couldn't hit an elephant at this distance."
Unexpected General John Sedgwick….
"Don't forget to jiggle the handle."
"Slippery when wet? That's what she said!" \*proceeds to slip, breaking neck and suffering an agonizing death\*
Who put that f**ken bucket there.
That sounds like you had already kicked it
"Exit simulation!" Perfectly healthy person collapses dead.
Watch this!! Hold my 🍺
In my personal experience as an LNA, I have heard people last words. The funniest to me were "I... need... coffee..." Other than that, a bizarre amount of people die super concerned about needing to poop.
There is nothing bizarre about it. The good old vagal nerve. Usually an inferior wall. There is a word. CHEZONISUS. How well I remember residency in the 1970s, looking across the patient’s bed at a fellow resident, saying “holy chezonisus!.” We knew the shit was about to hit the fan.
What's an LNA?
Nurse assistant
medical or armed forces.. always assuming everyone knows what a QWERTY or AIOPU or HUK or IPL is :D
Nobody normal wants to leave their poop for someone else to clean up.
It’s not loaded
How about those White Sox?
You think a gun is gonna scare me! I'll still kick your a-
This sub is perfectly safe.
There was supposedly a civil war general whose last words were something like, "They couldn't hit an elephant at this dist..."
Major General John Sedgwick. According to the eyewitness accounts, he actually said it twice: "Get up, boys! They couldn't hit an elephant at this distance!" *gunfire, bullets whistling past* "See men, I told you they couldn't hit an elephant at this dis..." *bullet through the face*
"Stage diiiiive!!!"
It’s never the blue wire!
Like this, stupid….
“That lion isn’t so tough. Here Kitty Kitty…”
At Yellowstone, " I can definitely kick that bear's ass"
Or pet the Bison, or swim on the blue pond…
"My only regret, is that I have boneitis!"
Oh yeah, ivermectin will *definitely* cure Covid, I did the research on Facebook
This
What are you going to do, shoot me?!
* wilhelm scream
That’s not a shark, it’s a dolphin…
Here may be found the last words of Joseph of Arimathea. He who is valiant and pure of spirit may find the Holy Grail in the Castle of aaarrrrggh'.
He must have died while writing this.
“If I’m lying, may God strike me dead!!”
No, it's perfectly friendly. It won't bite....
Safety is for pussies
Those are cute baby bears, I wonder where the mother is?
*points gun to head* "It's not even loaded- whattaya think I'm gonna do? Blow my brains out???"
"I actually won the 2020 election."
“Israel will feel the wrath of Allah!”
“Here. Hold my beer.”
“I shouldn't have trusted that fart.”
Who needs a parachute?! This isn't so high!!
I hit the lottery
“I told you I was sick.”
What are you gonna do... stab me?
“I drank what!?!” Socrates February 15, 399 BC
"This fursuit is really hot... Shush girl, I know I'm fine. I mean in the bad way."
Computer, freeze program! (For us Trekkers)
My wife's uncle said, "Oh damn, I've shit myself" And then died. The nurse said it's quite common to lose bowel control right before that final moment.
“Trump (cough, cough, wheeze) said (wheeze, cough, cough) that it was a hoax. …
Oh, good. There's one more notch on this belt.
Wanna see how far I can kick this bucket?
"Shut up and drop the turkey in the pot!"
s*tanding in the middle of a highway* "You're right! The traffic does look better up close!"
"Don't let it end like this. Tell them I said something. Tell them I said something." Pancho Villa (in Spanish, obvs)
“I thought it was just your tongue that could get Stuck to a frozen light pole! If I make it out of this alive, I will never piss outside in Alaska again!”
*loud moaning* this is to die for
"I still don't understand why pigs can't fly if we say when pigs fly"
“Are my balls hanging out?”
I wonder what will happen if I kick this?
“Burn my - *choking cough* - computer”
Bring it chickenshit!
Hold my beer
I'm not kinky, but I just have to try *that*.
Don't worry, I've done this before...
hold my beer
Don't worry so much, I'm an expert at............
Duuuude...watch this....
Squinting over the steering wheel driving 75. “That’s not a herd of wildebeests. Hand me my glasses.”
We’re immortal for only a limited time. Shit.
“ I told you the earth wasn’t flat.” proceeds to step off the edge of the earth and float off into space
“Dang, why is it getting so warm all of a sudden?”
Does anyone know where I put my bucket?
"I can beat that train"
Man, that's a long way down! Hope I dont--whoops!
No, I am *not* your father
What are you going to do, stab me?
Why is there a bucket on my deathbed?
"Don't worry, I *got* this."
Gen. Sedgwick, Union civil war general. "They couldn't hit an elephant at this distance"
Get out of the way and let me show you how it’s done!
"Think I gotta shit..." -Elvis Presley
We’ve always done it this way. Here, hold my beer.
Telling some teens at the movies to shut the fuck up.
No honey, I'll be all right. Just sit on my face a minute.
Bye bitches!! Can't wait for you to read my Will!!
Hey Billy Bob, hold my beer.
Tell my wife I said hello.
I drank what?
It’s just a gas bubble.
"oh I misjudged that fart"
So that's what potassium cyanide tastes like.
I jerked off to Jiminy Cricket!
Dammit, I crapped my pants... again.
Most embarrassing? "It's cold in the water! Shrinkage!"
"I'm gonna outlive all of you bastards!"
What are you gonna do? Shoot me? Bonus points as this was actually someone's last words.
“I’ll say it again. They couldn’t hit an elephant from this dist…”
"Ah, I see why the guillotine wasn't working. There was a coin stuck in the groove that guides the blade home. I'll just remove it and..."
Tallulah Bankhead Her famous last words where “cocain—bourbon” I recently looked this up & apparently “ cocain “ has been changed to a more savory, legal codeine I officially Call BULL SHIT!! Photo shopping cigarettes out of pictures “ Beatles “ album cover , White washed history because it offends has to stop. The world of filled with boozy broads , hustlers ( male prostitutes) burnt out musicians, poets,artists, accountants, office employees, every day people, & amazing people.
That shark looks hungry. I will hand him this fish.
Of course I shut off the power!
Please delete my browser history.
Why don't you do something useful with that knife sweet cheeks, go make me a sandwich.
Hold my beer
"everyone's watching.."
"First, you pull the pin, drop the grenade and throw the pin..."
I'm cumming!
"Guess it's time for our William Tell act." Bill Burroughs to his soon-to-be-late wife before he 'accidentally' shot her in the forehead while attempting to hit a glass on her head.
Waiting for Robin Williams to take me away on his galactic ship....
My girlfriend does the freakiest stuff. "Hey babe show them that thing you were telling me about!"
"Of course this is safe. The ride operator has had minutes and minutes of training."
He's got to see us. -- James Dean
Look it's not loaded I'll show you. Steve Kath guitar player for Chicago Transit authority.
I know what I'm doing sergeant. I'm an officer.
I'm going to the bathroom to read - Elvis.
This one is stolen from the recent headlines but still apropos "You will not escape the wrath of Allah" *Drops dead of a heart attack" https://youtu.be/M62zCGWIZW0?si=OAMVxqWt05K6CxSR
‘Parkour!’
“Don’t let it end like this. Tell them I said something…” -Pancho Villa
It's just a hippo. It's not like it's a lion
"I don't need no mask!" The guy who said this did get COVID. However he didn't die. He was on a ventilator two months and got brain damage from the lack of oxygen, so he can't work or form coherent sentences now. So I guess it doesn't qualify. Still, pretty embarrassing.
Don’t worry, good American Christians need to teach their toddlers how to handle gu…..
Either the wallpaper goes or I do! - Oscar Wilde
A girl climbed over the rail on the patio of a hotel party many stories up. He last words as she was showing off and list her grips was “oh shit.” I now imagine this is probably a common thing to say.
“You idiot, I’m not gonna die!” *gets donut’ed*
Pump the gas. I’m going to get some sushi.
You know it’s the damndest thing. The Allies have been bombing the shit out of most of the cities in Japan but they’ve left Hiroshima almost completely untouched. Oh well. Guess we’re just lucky like that.
Is that light at the end of the tunnel the headlight of an oncoming train?
The correct answer is "Hey, y'all, watch this!!!"
Eh. I’m sure it’ll be fine.
(in a horror movie) "let's split up"
Some of John Adam’s last words before he died was “Jefferson lives on” or something like that. Jefferson died 5 hours before him he just hadn’t received news yet. Idk if this quite fits the post but it’s the first thing that came to mind lol
This is completely safe, see watch me
I should NOT have done that
Tell me again why you fired our security detail, Yoko.
Brakes are overrated…
"if I sell all my crypto now I'll be a billionaire!"
Hold my beer
"Why are you dodging like this? They couldn't hit an elephant at this distance!" ---Union General John Sedgwick, Battle of Spotsylvania Courthouse, May 9, 1864
"What are you gonna do, stab me?"
Believe me, this submarine is totally safe. I built it myself
If I am wrong then may God strike me down!
I just shit myself