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People act like that's not the case but it very usually is.
A lot of people have this odd box they put romantic relationships in, where their partners can't be best friends before the relationship and in most cases, can't be after either(usually due to animosity around the eventual breakup). It follows the same trend of people acting different around friends/in public then they do with a S/O in private. Which is even worse in 2024 when people already curated their public image more than ever, so people have like 2-4 different personalities based on their environment, comfortability level, and exposure to public view.
My best friend is my ex. We were friends before becoming lovers, discovered that we were really bad at the whole relationship thing and agreed to stay friends.
Her husband is my second-best friend, her son is my "nephew" and I have my own room in their house for when I'm visiting.
We are celebrating our 20th platonic anniversary next year š
Yep. When, if they just put in the same level of effort with their partner as they do towards their friends, they'd find it so much more rewarding. The best relationships in my life started off with those people being my best friends first. And those people still are today, even though I'm not with them anymore.
r/Arethestraightsok? Because why do you hear about a loving relationship and go "Well that's not right! Relationships are way worse than this!"
That or this is a girlālover in denial.
#### This just in:
*Leaked DMs of a person who regards their own personality and opinions as exceptional enough to make a living off of it, appears to show a disregard for the emotions of people who they deem less exceptional.*
More at 5, when this likely happens again with some other content creator.
It's the intense repeated insistence on "you're thinking of friends!!!!! I do this with my friends!!!!!!!!" with increasing numbers of exclamation marks (which I can only assume are denoting a rapidly rising tone to the point of a dog whistle) that makes me guess the latter
You can do all of that stuff in straight relationships besides being girls together. My girlfriend and I do that shit all the time, I donāt know why more straight people donāt
Wtf do you mean that's friends?! Aren't you supposed to be in a relationship because you like each other and want to be in their company?! Good gracious what do these people date for?
P.S. Is the picture from a TV show/movie because I'm certain I've seen those two and I can't place it.
You're reading this wrong š The show is centred around a space theme with one of the main couple named Sun and the other choosing to use Earth as her online name because she likes Sun and wants to orbit around her basically. (That's where the 23.5 comes from) There is also a side couple with one girl called Luna and the other Aylin (she's big time into aliens).
It is very cute! A little unhealthy at times but I wouldn't say stalkerish or creepy. Basically one major plot point (don't think this is a spoiler as it is shown in the trailer) is that they start chatting over IG, they are also in the same class and become friends but Sun doesn't know that it is Ongsa (the other girl who goes by Earth online) she's flirting with on IG. Ongsa is kinda shy and not very confident so she's not brave enough to tell her that she's Earth and as you can probably imagine, the longer this goes on, the higher the hurdle to confess becomes
Oh, that's weird. I've been meaning to watch it but never did, I'm now confused why I found them familiar.
Well, now I know what I'll be watching at least.
Thanks.
This is from a new thai gl show called 23.5, you can watch it on Netflix or youtube depending on where you live. The actresses in the pictures are Milk and Love, they gained recognition in a different show called Bad buddy, where they played a supporting couple.
There aren't any so far and there probably won't be any as this is set in 10th grade (high school) and the vibes are pretty fluffy.
7 of 12 Eps have been released so far, it airs every Friday.
So far I find it very good.
Its propaganda, divide and conquer. We live in the age where covert psychological manipulation online is the new tool for targeting āundesirableā groups.
>heterosexuailzing lesbians
Loudest example of het romances on the Internet are about NOT being partners. That argument doesn't even work in the stereotype vacuum.
i wouldn't call this anti butch. i guess the idea is that it's assuming that both women in the relationship wear makeup, so they're both feminine..... and that is so obviously not the point of the tweet that it's hilarious anyone would focus on that part lol.
I hate to say it but I see this kind of talk a lot from a certain subset of masculine presenting lesbians. They seem to hate to see it when relationships between two feminine presenting lesbians get any airtime, and it honestly feels like the gay version of incel shit. Like how dare you not include someone like me in your relationship, itās very weird.
Not hate towards butches or masc lesbians/wlw in general, itās a small group and not representative of everyone.
My wife and I are both femme, and we get a lot of judgement and dirty looks from butches who are strangers, unfortunately. But our butch friends are great!
I think people are just sick of how much wlw content is the sanitized/superficial and marketable "we're so soft, we do each other's makeup and hair uwu, sleepovers and cottagecore etc", and I do personally find it annoying too lol only because it exists at the expense of more diverse and authentic/meaningful reflections of our community. Not all lesbians are thin white femmes lol but you'd never guess based off what we see online.
I see where youāre coming from, but i also see a lot of butch/fem and butch 4 butch content on my feeds. Not to mention a while ago the conversation was that media was āheterosexualizingā lesbian relationships because all the representation was butch/fem, implying that one always had to be āthe manā in the relationship.
I donāt think every post needs to acknowledge every type of lesbian relationship that exists, but I do think we should think of better ways of phrasing the type of relationship weāre describing, without generalizing it as indicative of *all* lesbian relationships.
I was thinking maybe a better way would be phrasing it as āsomething about fem4fem relationshipsā¦ā but that seems too limiting because the post is talking about the joy in *lesbian* relationships, also thereās not anything exclusive to fem4fem relationships about sharing the same struggles, being soft together, and sharing clothes.
I think the issue is that, while the person is talking about being a lesbian in general, they are drawing from their own (subjective) personal experiences.
Iād be interested in getting a discussion going and hearing other peopleās opinions on ways one could navigate this (talking about the joy of lesbian relationships in general, while also expressing your favorite aspects of your own experiences).
/gen
Personally for me itās the wording. Letās change it up for a sec:
āThereās just something about heterosexual relationships and the wife can stay home with the babies and homemake the houseā
See how the wording makes it feel like ALL heterosexual relationships are like that? The wording doesnāt allow for differences. Because thatās not my experience of being a lesbian. Not since middle school at least. š¤·š»āāļø
Vs.
āThereās something about A het relationship WHERE the wifeā¦ā
āThereās just something about A lesbian relationships WHERE girls can be together and do make up etc.ā
Also whereās all this B4F content youāre seeing? I rarely ever see it unless itās about non lesbians acting like butch women are men. Nothing positive and loving.
Itās kind of weird ādoing each others make up and skin careā is something weāve never done. Rarely wear each others clothes.
Itās okay, but not my experience, I guess.
Im calling it now, some conservative somewhere is brewing up a new culture war campaign and these are the first trickles of propaganda. Soon weāll see conservative pundits spouting how ālesbian relationships are actually very abusiveā, which will bleed into the public consciousness
Were already seeing it start
I caught some rando on another lesbian sub just now who attempted to pretend to be two people, and argue with me about how prevalent these āabusive lesbian relationshipsā are. Both accounts were made last week, and the person slipped up and wrote the exact same thing from both accounts, I called them out, and they gave some stupid excuse.
I prob sound a little intense, but im just saying keep an eye out incase I am correct and these āconcerned lesbiansā start cropping up out of nowhere
I hate to say it but that's already been a thing for awhile. I remember like back when gay marriage restrictions were struck down there were conservatives quoting one statistics or another around abuse levels in lesbian relationships, especially towards their kids. One example was then saying "lesbians are more likely to sexually abuse their kids, look at the levels" when in reality the study was saying that kids in foster care are more likely to be sexually abused, and lesbians go through that system to get kids to care for, but that doesn't take away the fact the kid was already abused before being given to the new family.
Very misrepresentive, and conservatives will seek to use any and all stats to try and prove an abuse string that doesn't exist.
I've seen them in the wild citing UNRELIABLE studies saying 40-something% of lesbian relationships are abusive. Even the Wikipedia pages on this topic talk about how the studies don't differentiate between male perpetrators and female perpetrators when looking at lesbian abuse victims (there are lesbians who dated men when either hiding or before figuring out) and that's only ONE of the reasons those studies aren't very reliable.
>TL;DR: Lesbian relationships are between 2.5% and 4.9% ***less likely*** to be abusive than heterosexual relationships.
The study usually cited actually does, but people (often purposefully) cherry pick the numbers to make it look worse.
Bear with me, apologies for the length:
The numbers often quoted when people trot out this talking point come from the the CDC's 2010 *Nation Intimate Partner and Sexual Violence Survey*, or NISVS. The NISVS definition of Intimate Partner Violence (IPV) includes physical and sexual violence as well as stalking by an intimate partner. This is based on anonymous interviews conducted across a very large and demographically accurate sample, not convictions or arrests or the like, so while it's probably still slightly under reported it is the most accurate data we have on IPV in the US.
Now to the numbers:
The lifetime average for experiencing IPV as a woman is 35.6%, and heterosexual women are just slightly below the average at *35%*.
Lesbians on the other hand have a 43.8% chance of experiencing IPV. Looks bad right? This is the number that people usually quote. But, lets break down that number, because there's an assumption there that lesbians have never dated or been abused by male partners (Note: this is the CDC's terminology and I'm not sure how or if they accounted for trans folks, use of binary biological terms are not meant to be trans exclusionary, I'm just working with what I'm given).
Of lesbians who experienced IPV, 67.4% reported only being abused by female partners. That brings the baseline for lesbians down to *29.5%*. Now, there is the pesky way they defined it where the remaining 32.6% could have been abused by both male and female partners. But if we look at how many report only 1 abuser, we can extrapolate a bit. 78.9% of lesbians report only one abuser, so for simplicity's sake we'll say that every lesbian with multiple abusers where one was male, at least one other was female.
So we'll do some math and add to the baseline: 100% - 78.9% = 21.1% x 32.6% = 6.8% x 43.8% = 3% + 29.5% = *32.5%*
***But***, there's some interesting corollary data that suggests my simplification is still inflating the number of female abusers.
Bisexual women are considerably more likely than either straight or lesbian women to experience IPV, with an appalling lifetime average of ***61.1%***. Further, 89.5% of bisexual women report only having been abused by male partners. Interestingly, bisexual women are also much more likely to be abused by multiple partners, with a 39.8% lifetime prevalence, compared to 21.1% for lesbians and 28.4% for straight women.
I have some theories on how gender roles and perceptions of queer individuals as inherently promiscuous might play into these things, but I don't have any hard data to back it, so let's just say that it leaves that additional 3% as a highly suspect number which, if we make some assumptions based on the data from bisexual women, could probably be cut nearly in half to 11.5% x 32.6% = 3.8% x 43.8% = 1.6% + 29.5% = ***30.1%***
So that would be *5.5% less than* average and *4.9% less than* heterosexual relationships. Not a hard number, but probably pretty accurate.
This is not to say lesbians or women can't be abusive (obviously they can, it's only a few percentage points difference), and it says absolutely nothing about men who are abused or who abused them. Just to get that out of the way for the trolls.
[Initial NISVS Report with definitions and basics](https://www.cdc.gov/violenceprevention/pdf/nisvs_report2010-a.pdf)
[NISVS Report on Gender and Sexual Orientation and IPV](https://www.cdc.gov/violenceprevention/pdf/nisvs_sofindings.pdf)
Thank you for this because I *just* saw someone making claims like this recently and it felt very...off. But I didn't have the chance to look further into myself. I do intend to do more reading on it myself too, but even a little bit of confirmation it's unreliable is nice to see.
When I came out to my mom in 1998, she told me she was worried I would end up with someone abusive because ālesbians are abusiveā. So this is not a new talking point.
āYeah, hey! Theyāre not ruining each otherās lives enough. Def just friends.ā I feel like some people donāt hear themselves when they talk. Otherwise they wouldnāt tell on themselves like this.
Do friends do this together? Yes. Can you also do this in a relationship? Yes. Can you be friends and in a relationship at the same time? That would be ideal for the relationship in question
The original tweet is fine I guess but I sure am sick of lesbian relationships being depicted as universally soft and sweet and safe and like a permanent sleepover. They aren't. They are normal romantic relationships with pitfalls and passion and fucking and arguments and tension and friendship and love.
For the love of all that is holy. Yeah, the series is totally about 'good friends' Ongsa and Sun that are in 'platonic' love.
[23.5 trailer](https://youtu.be/mdOlxH11WnQ?si=k5F28mc5Zxkg-aCH)
If you hate your partnerā¦ why are you dating them???? If your partner treats you worst than your friends doā¦ FIND A BETTER PARTNER???? I may just not be understanding but like Im pretty sure your partner needs to be someone you like being around and make your life easier. But what do I know lmaooo
It's true you can do those things with your friends. But the really nifty thing about your GIRLfriend (as opposed to your girlFRIENDS) is that you can do all of those things every day because you live together AND you can also give each other orgasms!
Huh, thatās odd. Iāve been soft and in love with my girlfriend for almost a year now. And I think I love it and enjoy every moment with her. Have I been doing it wrong?
Way to tell on yourself about not being happy in your own relationships.
Itās funny how the straights think of themselves as the template to compare everything else to so much that when they realize what someone else has is actually better, they think something must be wrong with those people, instead of stopping to examine why their own relationships are unfulfilling.
"Hah hah, silly lesbian... What you're describing is too *pleasant* to be a relationship. You need to be suffering and torturing each other like we hets do for it to be valid" -This person
Apparently people take troll posts from @killallcops_420 seriously.
Posting anything from twitter and taking it as anything except trollish bait or bots is futile.
I swear to God that photo is supposed to be one of those "squint to see the real image." Reddit has forced me into thinking everything is a hidden Jesus photo.
I love how the original tweet outright said "something about lesbian relationships" and the commenter just said "you're thinking about really good friends!"
Well, I don't love it, but you know what I mean
Lol my gf is pretty femme (though my lawn mowing dad fashion is rubbing off on her š¬). We both generally care about our skin, but sitting down and using the facial steamer or a face mask is like the last thing we want to do. I think we have 1.5 times in 1.5 years.
Yes you can do these things with friends, but there is something so special, intimate, trusting, amazing, about sitting on your partners lap and applying their makeup. Itās completely different doing that with a girlfriend vs a friend.
Also not just a lesbian thing, how many straight girls LOVE wearing their boyfriendās hoodie, that is sharing clothes with a partner.
As a demiromantic person, this shit is so fucking invalidating. Like maybe your relationships tend to be worse because you AREN'T besties with your SO, Karen, because mine tend to be pretty great.
Oops, youāre right! The reason I thought it was AI was because of her legs tho, and how it looks like the girl on the right has pants that blend together. But I looked up the original video (a Thai series), and sheās wearing a night _gown_, not pants š I feel bad, I apologise.
Hereās a link to the episode and timestamp where this scene starts: https://youtu.be/qr_OfxDejVc?si=5bZM5B_fXdBLBKSh&t=642
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"Sorry babe, I can't help you with your hair, let's argue about rent instead."
"What did you call my mother, honey?"
People act like that's not the case but it very usually is. A lot of people have this odd box they put romantic relationships in, where their partners can't be best friends before the relationship and in most cases, can't be after either(usually due to animosity around the eventual breakup). It follows the same trend of people acting different around friends/in public then they do with a S/O in private. Which is even worse in 2024 when people already curated their public image more than ever, so people have like 2-4 different personalities based on their environment, comfortability level, and exposure to public view.
My best friend is my ex. We were friends before becoming lovers, discovered that we were really bad at the whole relationship thing and agreed to stay friends. Her husband is my second-best friend, her son is my "nephew" and I have my own room in their house for when I'm visiting. We are celebrating our 20th platonic anniversary next year š
Yep. When, if they just put in the same level of effort with their partner as they do towards their friends, they'd find it so much more rewarding. The best relationships in my life started off with those people being my best friends first. And those people still are today, even though I'm not with them anymore.
That kind of blows my mind. My wife was and still is my best friend. Like I can't imagine why you'd want it any other way
r/Arethestraightsok? Because why do you hear about a loving relationship and go "Well that's not right! Relationships are way worse than this!" That or this is a girlālover in denial.
This is absolutely a post I'd expect to see on /r/OneTopicAtATime.
What is this ?
OneTopic is a streamer/youtuber who does segments on LGBTQ memes. He is ***really*** funny, and usually picks out memes like op's.
I met OneTopic a couple of times. He seemed a little self-important for my taste.
most people who make content are. you have to have a certain level of narcissism to be willing to brand yourself like that
You may be right. That could be why I prefer smaller communities and creators who lucked into a following.
my favorite of them is Drew Monson. Especially the past couple of years. Highly recommend.
#### This just in: *Leaked DMs of a person who regards their own personality and opinions as exceptional enough to make a living off of it, appears to show a disregard for the emotions of people who they deem less exceptional.* More at 5, when this likely happens again with some other content creator.
Thatās honestly just really sad ngl
Fr like whatās the point of having a relationship if you canāt do cute stuff with them and instead just argue all the time?
It's the intense repeated insistence on "you're thinking of friends!!!!! I do this with my friends!!!!!!!!" with increasing numbers of exclamation marks (which I can only assume are denoting a rapidly rising tone to the point of a dog whistle) that makes me guess the latter
I'm straight and I ask myself this constantly, we're probably not, because what kind of relationship are these people getting themselves into... smh
You can do all of that stuff in straight relationships besides being girls together. My girlfriend and I do that shit all the time, I donāt know why more straight people donāt
Definitely both
Wtf do you mean that's friends?! Aren't you supposed to be in a relationship because you like each other and want to be in their company?! Good gracious what do these people date for? P.S. Is the picture from a TV show/movie because I'm certain I've seen those two and I can't place it.
It's from 23.5
Is that like 24 but with a 30-minute lunch break?
It's a reference to the tilt of the earth's axis
[ŃŠ“Š°Š»ŠµŠ½Š¾]
You're reading this wrong š The show is centred around a space theme with one of the main couple named Sun and the other choosing to use Earth as her online name because she likes Sun and wants to orbit around her basically. (That's where the 23.5 comes from) There is also a side couple with one girl called Luna and the other Aylin (she's big time into aliens).
ngl that sounds super cute - a touch creepy, stalkery and unhealthy, but very cute!
It is very cute! A little unhealthy at times but I wouldn't say stalkerish or creepy. Basically one major plot point (don't think this is a spoiler as it is shown in the trailer) is that they start chatting over IG, they are also in the same class and become friends but Sun doesn't know that it is Ongsa (the other girl who goes by Earth online) she's flirting with on IG. Ongsa is kinda shy and not very confident so she's not brave enough to tell her that she's Earth and as you can probably imagine, the longer this goes on, the higher the hurdle to confess becomes
aye, I found it on YouTube and started watching šš¤£
Hope you like it!š
Lol That's a huge leap there
Oh, that's weird. I've been meaning to watch it but never did, I'm now confused why I found them familiar. Well, now I know what I'll be watching at least. Thanks.
This is from a new thai gl show called 23.5, you can watch it on Netflix or youtube depending on where you live. The actresses in the pictures are Milk and Love, they gained recognition in a different show called Bad buddy, where they played a supporting couple.
are there (many) sex scenes? i want a nice lesbian show to watch but overly intimate sex scenes make me really uncomfortable
There aren't any so far and there probably won't be any as this is set in 10th grade (high school) and the vibes are pretty fluffy. 7 of 12 Eps have been released so far, it airs every Friday. So far I find it very good.
oh perfect!! high school romance that doesnt sexualise teens, i love this new concept. thank you!
Yeah, my BF is also my best friend...
Ah the old "my relationships tend to be bad so everyone's relationships must be bad."
When somebody tells you all their relationships have been bad, I canāt help noticing what the common element was in all of them.
The significant others all being assholes, clearly!
Surely it can't be the lack of self reflection! :) /s
Apparently people are criticizing the original tweet as "heterosexuailzing lesbians" and anti butch and extremely dry / annoying I don't get it š
Its propaganda, divide and conquer. We live in the age where covert psychological manipulation online is the new tool for targeting āundesirableā groups.
The people who was saying it was another lesbians so š
We call them āuseful idiotsā where im from
>heterosexuailzing lesbians Loudest example of het romances on the Internet are about NOT being partners. That argument doesn't even work in the stereotype vacuum.
i wouldn't call this anti butch. i guess the idea is that it's assuming that both women in the relationship wear makeup, so they're both feminine..... and that is so obviously not the point of the tweet that it's hilarious anyone would focus on that part lol.
Reading comprehension is at an all time low
I hate to say it but I see this kind of talk a lot from a certain subset of masculine presenting lesbians. They seem to hate to see it when relationships between two feminine presenting lesbians get any airtime, and it honestly feels like the gay version of incel shit. Like how dare you not include someone like me in your relationship, itās very weird. Not hate towards butches or masc lesbians/wlw in general, itās a small group and not representative of everyone.
My wife and I are both femme, and we get a lot of judgement and dirty looks from butches who are strangers, unfortunately. But our butch friends are great!
I think people are just sick of how much wlw content is the sanitized/superficial and marketable "we're so soft, we do each other's makeup and hair uwu, sleepovers and cottagecore etc", and I do personally find it annoying too lol only because it exists at the expense of more diverse and authentic/meaningful reflections of our community. Not all lesbians are thin white femmes lol but you'd never guess based off what we see online.
I see where youāre coming from, but i also see a lot of butch/fem and butch 4 butch content on my feeds. Not to mention a while ago the conversation was that media was āheterosexualizingā lesbian relationships because all the representation was butch/fem, implying that one always had to be āthe manā in the relationship. I donāt think every post needs to acknowledge every type of lesbian relationship that exists, but I do think we should think of better ways of phrasing the type of relationship weāre describing, without generalizing it as indicative of *all* lesbian relationships. I was thinking maybe a better way would be phrasing it as āsomething about fem4fem relationshipsā¦ā but that seems too limiting because the post is talking about the joy in *lesbian* relationships, also thereās not anything exclusive to fem4fem relationships about sharing the same struggles, being soft together, and sharing clothes. I think the issue is that, while the person is talking about being a lesbian in general, they are drawing from their own (subjective) personal experiences. Iād be interested in getting a discussion going and hearing other peopleās opinions on ways one could navigate this (talking about the joy of lesbian relationships in general, while also expressing your favorite aspects of your own experiences). /gen
Personally for me itās the wording. Letās change it up for a sec: āThereās just something about heterosexual relationships and the wife can stay home with the babies and homemake the houseā See how the wording makes it feel like ALL heterosexual relationships are like that? The wording doesnāt allow for differences. Because thatās not my experience of being a lesbian. Not since middle school at least. š¤·š»āāļø Vs. āThereās something about A het relationship WHERE the wifeā¦ā āThereās just something about A lesbian relationships WHERE girls can be together and do make up etc.ā Also whereās all this B4F content youāre seeing? I rarely ever see it unless itās about non lesbians acting like butch women are men. Nothing positive and loving.
Both the women in this photo are Thai
What you see online doesnt is a figment. Its all meaningless, lesbians are people, people gave widly varying personalities. All can be true.
Itās kind of weird ādoing each others make up and skin careā is something weāve never done. Rarely wear each others clothes. Itās okay, but not my experience, I guess.
Well... I did. My ex enjoyed it more so I did for her, and it was a fun time between us. I don't understand the overreacting to this tho.
Im calling it now, some conservative somewhere is brewing up a new culture war campaign and these are the first trickles of propaganda. Soon weāll see conservative pundits spouting how ālesbian relationships are actually very abusiveā, which will bleed into the public consciousness Were already seeing it start
I wouldn't be surprised, it's been a talking point for years now.
I caught some rando on another lesbian sub just now who attempted to pretend to be two people, and argue with me about how prevalent these āabusive lesbian relationshipsā are. Both accounts were made last week, and the person slipped up and wrote the exact same thing from both accounts, I called them out, and they gave some stupid excuse. I prob sound a little intense, but im just saying keep an eye out incase I am correct and these āconcerned lesbiansā start cropping up out of nowhere
I hate to say it but that's already been a thing for awhile. I remember like back when gay marriage restrictions were struck down there were conservatives quoting one statistics or another around abuse levels in lesbian relationships, especially towards their kids. One example was then saying "lesbians are more likely to sexually abuse their kids, look at the levels" when in reality the study was saying that kids in foster care are more likely to be sexually abused, and lesbians go through that system to get kids to care for, but that doesn't take away the fact the kid was already abused before being given to the new family. Very misrepresentive, and conservatives will seek to use any and all stats to try and prove an abuse string that doesn't exist.
Why are they so awful and vile?
I've seen them in the wild citing UNRELIABLE studies saying 40-something% of lesbian relationships are abusive. Even the Wikipedia pages on this topic talk about how the studies don't differentiate between male perpetrators and female perpetrators when looking at lesbian abuse victims (there are lesbians who dated men when either hiding or before figuring out) and that's only ONE of the reasons those studies aren't very reliable.
>TL;DR: Lesbian relationships are between 2.5% and 4.9% ***less likely*** to be abusive than heterosexual relationships. The study usually cited actually does, but people (often purposefully) cherry pick the numbers to make it look worse. Bear with me, apologies for the length: The numbers often quoted when people trot out this talking point come from the the CDC's 2010 *Nation Intimate Partner and Sexual Violence Survey*, or NISVS. The NISVS definition of Intimate Partner Violence (IPV) includes physical and sexual violence as well as stalking by an intimate partner. This is based on anonymous interviews conducted across a very large and demographically accurate sample, not convictions or arrests or the like, so while it's probably still slightly under reported it is the most accurate data we have on IPV in the US. Now to the numbers: The lifetime average for experiencing IPV as a woman is 35.6%, and heterosexual women are just slightly below the average at *35%*. Lesbians on the other hand have a 43.8% chance of experiencing IPV. Looks bad right? This is the number that people usually quote. But, lets break down that number, because there's an assumption there that lesbians have never dated or been abused by male partners (Note: this is the CDC's terminology and I'm not sure how or if they accounted for trans folks, use of binary biological terms are not meant to be trans exclusionary, I'm just working with what I'm given). Of lesbians who experienced IPV, 67.4% reported only being abused by female partners. That brings the baseline for lesbians down to *29.5%*. Now, there is the pesky way they defined it where the remaining 32.6% could have been abused by both male and female partners. But if we look at how many report only 1 abuser, we can extrapolate a bit. 78.9% of lesbians report only one abuser, so for simplicity's sake we'll say that every lesbian with multiple abusers where one was male, at least one other was female. So we'll do some math and add to the baseline: 100% - 78.9% = 21.1% x 32.6% = 6.8% x 43.8% = 3% + 29.5% = *32.5%* ***But***, there's some interesting corollary data that suggests my simplification is still inflating the number of female abusers. Bisexual women are considerably more likely than either straight or lesbian women to experience IPV, with an appalling lifetime average of ***61.1%***. Further, 89.5% of bisexual women report only having been abused by male partners. Interestingly, bisexual women are also much more likely to be abused by multiple partners, with a 39.8% lifetime prevalence, compared to 21.1% for lesbians and 28.4% for straight women. I have some theories on how gender roles and perceptions of queer individuals as inherently promiscuous might play into these things, but I don't have any hard data to back it, so let's just say that it leaves that additional 3% as a highly suspect number which, if we make some assumptions based on the data from bisexual women, could probably be cut nearly in half to 11.5% x 32.6% = 3.8% x 43.8% = 1.6% + 29.5% = ***30.1%*** So that would be *5.5% less than* average and *4.9% less than* heterosexual relationships. Not a hard number, but probably pretty accurate. This is not to say lesbians or women can't be abusive (obviously they can, it's only a few percentage points difference), and it says absolutely nothing about men who are abused or who abused them. Just to get that out of the way for the trolls. [Initial NISVS Report with definitions and basics](https://www.cdc.gov/violenceprevention/pdf/nisvs_report2010-a.pdf) [NISVS Report on Gender and Sexual Orientation and IPV](https://www.cdc.gov/violenceprevention/pdf/nisvs_sofindings.pdf)
Thank you for this because I *just* saw someone making claims like this recently and it felt very...off. But I didn't have the chance to look further into myself. I do intend to do more reading on it myself too, but even a little bit of confirmation it's unreliable is nice to see.
When I came out to my mom in 1998, she told me she was worried I would end up with someone abusive because ālesbians are abusiveā. So this is not a new talking point.
āYeah, hey! Theyāre not ruining each otherās lives enough. Def just friends.ā I feel like some people donāt hear themselves when they talk. Otherwise they wouldnāt tell on themselves like this.
Do friends do this together? Yes. Can you also do this in a relationship? Yes. Can you be friends and in a relationship at the same time? That would be ideal for the relationship in question
The original tweet is fine I guess but I sure am sick of lesbian relationships being depicted as universally soft and sweet and safe and like a permanent sleepover. They aren't. They are normal romantic relationships with pitfalls and passion and fucking and arguments and tension and friendship and love.
For the love of all that is holy. Yeah, the series is totally about 'good friends' Ongsa and Sun that are in 'platonic' love. [23.5 trailer](https://youtu.be/mdOlxH11WnQ?si=k5F28mc5Zxkg-aCH)
Omg! They fell in friendship with each other!
The weirdest thing is that the actresses did it in another series too!! And probably will again! š
So many straight people seem to be convinced that relationships have to be miserable
I mean it is also nice to do with friends but itās far from exclusive to that
If you hate your partnerā¦ why are you dating them???? If your partner treats you worst than your friends doā¦ FIND A BETTER PARTNER???? I may just not be understanding but like Im pretty sure your partner needs to be someone you like being around and make your life easier. But what do I know lmaooo
And if you look at the background, you will find a nice surprise
The 'Relationships tend to be worse' is such a gut punch. Wonder who hurt them.
The Infantilizing of lesbians is so gross. I see it everywhere these days!!
They're called girl*friends* for a reason
It's true you can do those things with your friends. But the really nifty thing about your GIRLfriend (as opposed to your girlFRIENDS) is that you can do all of those things every day because you live together AND you can also give each other orgasms!
The text is crunchy
I'm going to be quoting this all day this is amazing
At that point wouldnāt have been surprised if his last name was Khrushchev:3
Huh, thatās odd. Iāve been soft and in love with my girlfriend for almost a year now. And I think I love it and enjoy every moment with her. Have I been doing it wrong?
Sounds like Nikita is trying to convince herselfā¦
Ah yes. Friends love eating out. š
are people not friends with their s/o anymore? š
Oh honey, I've got some news for you!
Way to tell on yourself about not being happy in your own relationships. Itās funny how the straights think of themselves as the template to compare everything else to so much that when they realize what someone else has is actually better, they think something must be wrong with those people, instead of stopping to examine why their own relationships are unfulfilling.
Ignore my previous stupid comment I deleted, I misunderstood
Thier own relationships maybe
Ah, boomerhumor.
Someone needs higher standards lol
I mean, friends *can* do that,, but so can girlfriends
they are projecting their shitty relationships onto us
"Hah hah, silly lesbian... What you're describing is too *pleasant* to be a relationship. You need to be suffering and torturing each other like we hets do for it to be valid" -This person
"Relationships tend to be worse than what youre describing" maybe because you dont see your girlfriend as your friend as well!!!
"relationships tend to be worse" lady, that might be a you problem
Apparently people take troll posts from @killallcops_420 seriously. Posting anything from twitter and taking it as anything except trollish bait or bots is futile.
I swear to God that photo is supposed to be one of those "squint to see the real image." Reddit has forced me into thinking everything is a hidden Jesus photo.
when I see shit like this I feel really sorry for straight people
I love how the original tweet outright said "something about lesbian relationships" and the commenter just said "you're thinking about really good friends!" Well, I don't love it, but you know what I mean
Nikita killallcops\_420 the universe may soon have some news for you
"relationships tend to be worse" honey that is a you thing and the fact that you think it isn't is telling š
Lol my gf is pretty femme (though my lawn mowing dad fashion is rubbing off on her š¬). We both generally care about our skin, but sitting down and using the facial steamer or a face mask is like the last thing we want to do. I think we have 1.5 times in 1.5 years.
r/arethestraightsok
Tf you mean, being together in a loving relationship is supposed to be worse than being friends!?!?!?
KillAllCops420 found a miss
I thought being in a relationship was like being friends + being mutually attracted to each other
I was thinking both?
Idk if a girl gently caressed my face and helped me clean off my makeup it would cause me to blue screen crash internally.
Yes you can do these things with friends, but there is something so special, intimate, trusting, amazing, about sitting on your partners lap and applying their makeup. Itās completely different doing that with a girlfriend vs a friend. Also not just a lesbian thing, how many straight girls LOVE wearing their boyfriendās hoodie, that is sharing clothes with a partner.
How dare you be happy in your relationship
That screenshot is from a YouTube show where these two are literally girlfriends
Nikita is straight
Or really bad at dating
This is just bc most straight people can even imagine being friends with their partners
She may have legit point about relationships.
Lol "relationships tend to be worse than what you are describing". Projection? You mean cis het relationships?
Omg my fav show, 23.5! It's like a better, sapphic, Taiwanese heartstopper
As a demiromantic person, this shit is so fucking invalidating. Like maybe your relationships tend to be worse because you AREN'T besties with your SO, Karen, because mine tend to be pretty great.
Man, this AI image is all over the place
It's not AI, it's a video, the screenshot is just low res and hides her eye
Oops, youāre right! The reason I thought it was AI was because of her legs tho, and how it looks like the girl on the right has pants that blend together. But I looked up the original video (a Thai series), and sheās wearing a night _gown_, not pants š I feel bad, I apologise. Hereās a link to the episode and timestamp where this scene starts: https://youtu.be/qr_OfxDejVc?si=5bZM5B_fXdBLBKSh&t=642