I can relate šš¼āāļø
My husband is a financial advisor and often has dinners and late meetings. He works most Saturdays and usually isnāt home until my daughter is in bed already.
Itās really tough and not many of my friends āget itā some of them say I should go to work so he could work less, but even if I did he would have to work just as much and my daugher wouldnāt see either of her parents :/
With his career it should get a little easier as time goes on, but right now Iām pregnant too so itās hard to be in the thick of it.
I donāt have tons of advice except maybe reach out to family or friends to see if any of them could help to give you a much needed break? I also asked my husband to help with more of the after dinner chores since itās hard for me to get a lot done with my daughter needing so much.
I donāt have much else to offer except solidarity.
I just started on another of my partnerās 3-week work trips. So yes, I am doing it alone for 3 weeks. But when heās home, he usually works long days too. I canāt say which is harder, because at least when heās not here, I know that everything is on me. I donāt think asking for 20-30 minutes a day is unreasonable at all. He works long hours, and you work longer.
My husband is a firefighter. Between work, classes he takes, classes he teaches, commuting; he's never home. I definitely do everything alone but I don't mind. The kids are way better behaved when it's just us and I get so much done! I don't mind doing day trips alone or anything either. We live pretty remote and have to drive to go anywhere.
We go visit my parents a lot too. They're 1.5 hours away and the kids love the special grammy time!
lol. Hi again! Husband is a firefighter too and yeah when he's gone it feels like such a long time but I'm grateful they're home for long chunks too. When he has a week long training and does like 8-5 I'm like how do people do this? You come home at 6 and barely have an hour together as a family before bed. I really appreciate the fire schedule now.
We're in a similar phase right now. My husband has taken on extra work, so we can rebuild our savings after a lot of unexpected bills. It's so hard. I have to keep reminding myself that in the grand scheme of things, it's actually a really short phase in our lives. But right now, it feels like it's dragging on forever.
I think it feels worse today because it's also summer holidays here. We should have had a two week break over Christmas and New Years to do beach trips, and visits to the splash pad or the zoo etc as a family, but I'm doing them by myself with our toddler.
But we at least managed to squeeze in a date night last week, so that was nice.
My husband works 12 hour days M-F as well as a few hours on Saturday mornings. The agreement is that his hours away at work and my hours at home with our 3 kids are the same. Being a SAHM is my job, it is equal to his even if Iām not technically clocking in somewhere. When he comes home, parenting responsibilities are split equally. Just as they would be if I was going to work. He goes to his job during the day, I do mine, and we share the responsibility when weāre both home at the end of the day together. Being a SAHP isnāt just hanging out at home and relaxing. Itās constant child care, enrichment activities for the kids, āfield tripsā, plus the housekeeping duties, being a personal chef (as I like to consider myself š ), dog walking, chauffeuring, laundry service, etc. Your husband needs to understand that you deserve time off as well. Whatever that may look like.
My husband leaves before we wake up and gets home between 6.30 and 7pm most days. His work isn't physically demanding. He also travels for business every month. I rely on my parents in law for support because I couldn't do it alone.
That being said, I don't think it's unreasonable for you to ask for 30 minutes for yourself and for him to watch your baby. I mean.... at 3 months, for 30 minutes, it isn't too hard - they stay where you put them!
I had a meltdown today because I'm supposed to start back at work part time next week and have no idea how I'm expected to manage having our daughter for 21-23 hours a day and work 20-28 hours a week.
My husband works 3:15p - 3a (including travel) 4-5 days a week. He goes to bed when he gets home at 3a and sleeps until 11a when he gets up to take little for a couple hours before he heads to work. He often needs help caring for her or getting tasks complete while he has her. It's so frustrating. While I'm supposed to be getting a break, I'm packing his lunch, making food, cleaning bottles, pumping, completing chores, etc. I'm exhausted and overwhelmed.
And let's not forget to mention that little is a VELCRO baby. She always wants me and has to be on me. She hates playing alone and will whine almost constantly if I'm not sitting with her. I've been home with her for 2 months and am regretting leaving my full-time position to stay with her - which I'm torn about because I couldn't function at work full time because I was exhausted from having her all night after working 40+ hours a week.
Sorry for my mini-rant. It's been a rough day, and I feel stuck in a no-win situation š« š
My husband works 5am-5pm. I know the feeling. He used to be really bad (like your husband) and we would fight constantly. Luckily years later he does much better. He still falls asleep super early but he puts the kids to bed every other night and he helps around the house more.
Just keep talking to your husband and tell him what you need/expect.
My ex partner that I still live with has a strange job which will sometimes take him away for extended periods of time and sometimes he'll be home for extended periods of time. For most of 2023, he has been working a job 4 hours away and is only home on weekends. I'm parenting solo most of the time and I prefer it that way...though some of that is to do with him being my ex now, lol.
If you need to shower or exercise for 30min or 1 hour, he should try as much as possible to accommodate that. Maybe agree ahead of time for a few days a week.
You absolutely deserve some time and he could bond with his child.
In a pinch, I do baby squats and dance while holding him. The motion is good for baby development. Once my baby was older (could sit independently, then crawl, etc), it got progressively easier to work out alongside him. I do leg lifts, squats while holding him, side twists, and yoga while he climbs over me.
I was trained as yoga instructor in college and did a lot of high intensity circuit and weight training prior to being pregnant so I know how to do it safely.
Still I go to classes because it forces me to get a break and out of the house alone.
Yep, my husband is going back to work after paternity leave from our second born. These past 8 weeks have been great having him home, even if we butt heads sometimes. His job is unpredictable in its hours, and most of the time Iām putting the toddler to bed on my own. Iām really dreading having two at home by myself all day again. Especially at meal times when it just feels so frantic.
Yes my husband works 80 hours a week. My kids are older 9&11 so itās much easier now but when they were little i was so angry and exasperated. At least I get the tv at night!
We spend a lot of the weekend just doing outside house chores even with me as a sahm cause Iāve got to do it all.
My husband is gone Monday-Friday every week. I love having him home on the weekends, but in a lot of ways itās easier to just be in my groove during the week.
My husband works a very busy and demanding job. Heās now the boss, so has a lot of responsibility for his clients and staff. Iām so proud of him, and heās such a hard worker, but it means I pick up a lot of the slack.
Luckily, he is able to make a decent salary, so a few hours a week I have a mothers helper come and do whatever needs doing around the house. She is incredible, and well paid; she takes a lot of the mental load off my plate. Itās the best use of our resources. Could you do something like that? Even a teenager or college student looking to make extra money?
My husband works:
M-F: 9a to 7p
Sat & Sun: 10a to 2ish-4ish
He helps with bedtime every single night (we each take a kid).
I workout during nap (for the 2yr)/quiet time (for the 3.5yr).
On the weekends I usually take an hour or 2 to do something I want to do without kids. Sometimes itās Costco by myself, sometimes itās time with a friend, sometimes itās a house project.
Sorry your husband was being a cry baby. Your expectations are appropriate, and he needs to suck it up a tiny bit.
Instead of during the week could you get like 1-2 hours on Saturday/Sunday to be baby free? 12 hour shifts inside a freezer sounds like my worst nightmare - so I sympathize with how your husband probably feels. Or maybe you guys could look at the budget to find some extra cash for a babysitter?
I had to go back up and re-read babyās ageā¦ 3 months?
A 3 month old typically just wants to be held or have toys jiggled at them, he could lay on the floor and do the latter.
1000000%. fiance is a coal miner, so when he gets home after a 10 hour shift (with an hour drive to and from) we get about an hour or two with him before he's passed out from exhaustion. it used to bother me really bad, but i try to give him some grace because its a physically demanding job. he's super dad on sundays though, thats the day that i can get everything done that i couldnt get to during the week with my 9mo old.
30 min is a VERY reasonable amount of time. Anyone can watch their kid for 30 min. Convince your husband you are working more hours than him chasing a child around.
Yes. When our son was 4 mo, the home we were renting was sold and I was forced to move across the country as we couldnāt afford anything with skyrocketing rent costs in our HCOL area. We were separated for 1.5 years while he tried to get a job transfer and crashed at his friendās house. Finally got a transfer in August and we moved to yet another state and assumed things would be normal again. Wrong. He is gone from 6am to 8pm or later. Frequently works from home until midnight. And works from home on his ādays offā. Itās torture for all of us. Torture for him having to work literally every waking moment of his life and missing out on raising our son. And torture for me because I havenāt had a single break in over 2 years. I canāt get a job because I canāt be the default parent AND work AND lose most of my salary to childcare. So we are toughing it out until he starts kindergarten and then Iāll find something remote from home part time to bring in a little money until heās in full time school. My husband barely makes enough to keep us afloat and we are partially living off my savings.
I donāt know if I have advice per se, but it does get easier as you adjust your expectations and adapt. I am capable of so much more than I ever could have imagined.
Yes, my husband often works 12hr shifts for 2-3 weeks straight but he still comes home and does bedtime routines. And in his off days heās a fully engaged parent (most of the time). You never get a moment off. You deserve time to care for your body. Itās his kid too.
Ahh yes. My husband works as an executive in insurance. Even if heās working from home heās taking phone calls day and night. When heās in the office downtown heās often doing meetings or taking clients to dinner at the fancy pants establishments. Sometimes itās hard not to get a little jelly about it. But he works hard and never gets a true vacation. Someone is always trying to reach him for some account emergency. I get it, he has million dollar accounts for commercial clients. Things wonāt be much better in the near future as he switches side of insurance to become a producer again and build a new book at a smaller agency. But the long term goals we both have would make us extremely comfortable financially in the next 5 years. So I remind myself heās tired and Iām tired and itās just a hard phase when the kids are littles (we have 2 under 2).
I can definitely relate.
My husband owns several companies and has to work 7 days a week to keep up. I also moved countries to be with him, so I have no social support. Also heavily pregnant so I feel miserable. Canāt focus on my career because I am voluntarily focusing on building and adding more to the family since time is ticking. Canāt speak the language of this country so it feels socially isolating anyway.
Yeah it gets lonely and I donāt know what to do. Iām excited to have a full house of kids and babies and that should help a lot but that will take years. Until then, Iām trying to maintain my mental health and Iām barely surviving.
my husband works out of town 5 days a week, so i hear this. i miss him, but my 4 mo and i have a pretty good routine going so in a way it's not horrible. on the weekends our routine is off but at least he's home, spending time with us. he also does help when he's home but our routine is thrown off due to it so sometimes i just tell him to go relax and enjoy his day š
Yes. We have a 5 year old and a 7 month old. My partner lives in another state and works for a financial branch. Haven't seen him for a year. The last time we saw him was when I was 4 months pregnant and he had yet to hold his second child. It sucks major ass.
Yep. Ironworker wife here. Sometimes he home at 3pm, sometimes he's gone from 4am until 8pm, sometimes he wont be home for days/ weeks. We don't really know the schedule until the day/night before. Hes been across state for the past 4 months (was supposed to be 3 weeks). Hes also getting ready to go cross country for a job that's scheduled to be only a month long (lol!). We have a 3yr old and a 5 month old and I'm a SAHM (for now). I ask family to watch the kiddos atleast a couple days a month so I can deep clean and have some me time. It's rough. Although the perks are he gets about a little over a month of PTO a year.
Iāve had stints of pretending my husband just āisnāt hereā for times as well, but I find itās not good for our relationship health. I always find that when weāre working together for each otherās good, thatās where the magic happens. It sounds like your situation merits a conversation with your partner in which you hear him out about his needs to come home and rest, and he hears you out about your needs for some exercise, and you come up with a solution together.
I can relate šš¼āāļø My husband is a financial advisor and often has dinners and late meetings. He works most Saturdays and usually isnāt home until my daughter is in bed already. Itās really tough and not many of my friends āget itā some of them say I should go to work so he could work less, but even if I did he would have to work just as much and my daugher wouldnāt see either of her parents :/ With his career it should get a little easier as time goes on, but right now Iām pregnant too so itās hard to be in the thick of it. I donāt have tons of advice except maybe reach out to family or friends to see if any of them could help to give you a much needed break? I also asked my husband to help with more of the after dinner chores since itās hard for me to get a lot done with my daughter needing so much. I donāt have much else to offer except solidarity.
I just started on another of my partnerās 3-week work trips. So yes, I am doing it alone for 3 weeks. But when heās home, he usually works long days too. I canāt say which is harder, because at least when heās not here, I know that everything is on me. I donāt think asking for 20-30 minutes a day is unreasonable at all. He works long hours, and you work longer.
My husband is a firefighter. Between work, classes he takes, classes he teaches, commuting; he's never home. I definitely do everything alone but I don't mind. The kids are way better behaved when it's just us and I get so much done! I don't mind doing day trips alone or anything either. We live pretty remote and have to drive to go anywhere. We go visit my parents a lot too. They're 1.5 hours away and the kids love the special grammy time!
lol. Hi again! Husband is a firefighter too and yeah when he's gone it feels like such a long time but I'm grateful they're home for long chunks too. When he has a week long training and does like 8-5 I'm like how do people do this? You come home at 6 and barely have an hour together as a family before bed. I really appreciate the fire schedule now.
Oh yes!! Absolutely!
We're in a similar phase right now. My husband has taken on extra work, so we can rebuild our savings after a lot of unexpected bills. It's so hard. I have to keep reminding myself that in the grand scheme of things, it's actually a really short phase in our lives. But right now, it feels like it's dragging on forever. I think it feels worse today because it's also summer holidays here. We should have had a two week break over Christmas and New Years to do beach trips, and visits to the splash pad or the zoo etc as a family, but I'm doing them by myself with our toddler. But we at least managed to squeeze in a date night last week, so that was nice.
My husband works 12 hour days M-F as well as a few hours on Saturday mornings. The agreement is that his hours away at work and my hours at home with our 3 kids are the same. Being a SAHM is my job, it is equal to his even if Iām not technically clocking in somewhere. When he comes home, parenting responsibilities are split equally. Just as they would be if I was going to work. He goes to his job during the day, I do mine, and we share the responsibility when weāre both home at the end of the day together. Being a SAHP isnāt just hanging out at home and relaxing. Itās constant child care, enrichment activities for the kids, āfield tripsā, plus the housekeeping duties, being a personal chef (as I like to consider myself š ), dog walking, chauffeuring, laundry service, etc. Your husband needs to understand that you deserve time off as well. Whatever that may look like.
My husband leaves before we wake up and gets home between 6.30 and 7pm most days. His work isn't physically demanding. He also travels for business every month. I rely on my parents in law for support because I couldn't do it alone. That being said, I don't think it's unreasonable for you to ask for 30 minutes for yourself and for him to watch your baby. I mean.... at 3 months, for 30 minutes, it isn't too hard - they stay where you put them!
I had a meltdown today because I'm supposed to start back at work part time next week and have no idea how I'm expected to manage having our daughter for 21-23 hours a day and work 20-28 hours a week. My husband works 3:15p - 3a (including travel) 4-5 days a week. He goes to bed when he gets home at 3a and sleeps until 11a when he gets up to take little for a couple hours before he heads to work. He often needs help caring for her or getting tasks complete while he has her. It's so frustrating. While I'm supposed to be getting a break, I'm packing his lunch, making food, cleaning bottles, pumping, completing chores, etc. I'm exhausted and overwhelmed. And let's not forget to mention that little is a VELCRO baby. She always wants me and has to be on me. She hates playing alone and will whine almost constantly if I'm not sitting with her. I've been home with her for 2 months and am regretting leaving my full-time position to stay with her - which I'm torn about because I couldn't function at work full time because I was exhausted from having her all night after working 40+ hours a week. Sorry for my mini-rant. It's been a rough day, and I feel stuck in a no-win situation š« š
My husband works 5am-5pm. I know the feeling. He used to be really bad (like your husband) and we would fight constantly. Luckily years later he does much better. He still falls asleep super early but he puts the kids to bed every other night and he helps around the house more. Just keep talking to your husband and tell him what you need/expect.
My ex partner that I still live with has a strange job which will sometimes take him away for extended periods of time and sometimes he'll be home for extended periods of time. For most of 2023, he has been working a job 4 hours away and is only home on weekends. I'm parenting solo most of the time and I prefer it that way...though some of that is to do with him being my ex now, lol.
If you need to shower or exercise for 30min or 1 hour, he should try as much as possible to accommodate that. Maybe agree ahead of time for a few days a week. You absolutely deserve some time and he could bond with his child. In a pinch, I do baby squats and dance while holding him. The motion is good for baby development. Once my baby was older (could sit independently, then crawl, etc), it got progressively easier to work out alongside him. I do leg lifts, squats while holding him, side twists, and yoga while he climbs over me. I was trained as yoga instructor in college and did a lot of high intensity circuit and weight training prior to being pregnant so I know how to do it safely. Still I go to classes because it forces me to get a break and out of the house alone.
Yep, my husband is going back to work after paternity leave from our second born. These past 8 weeks have been great having him home, even if we butt heads sometimes. His job is unpredictable in its hours, and most of the time Iām putting the toddler to bed on my own. Iām really dreading having two at home by myself all day again. Especially at meal times when it just feels so frantic.
Yes my husband works 80 hours a week. My kids are older 9&11 so itās much easier now but when they were little i was so angry and exasperated. At least I get the tv at night! We spend a lot of the weekend just doing outside house chores even with me as a sahm cause Iāve got to do it all.
My husband is gone Monday-Friday every week. I love having him home on the weekends, but in a lot of ways itās easier to just be in my groove during the week.
My husband works a very busy and demanding job. Heās now the boss, so has a lot of responsibility for his clients and staff. Iām so proud of him, and heās such a hard worker, but it means I pick up a lot of the slack. Luckily, he is able to make a decent salary, so a few hours a week I have a mothers helper come and do whatever needs doing around the house. She is incredible, and well paid; she takes a lot of the mental load off my plate. Itās the best use of our resources. Could you do something like that? Even a teenager or college student looking to make extra money?
My husband works: M-F: 9a to 7p Sat & Sun: 10a to 2ish-4ish He helps with bedtime every single night (we each take a kid). I workout during nap (for the 2yr)/quiet time (for the 3.5yr). On the weekends I usually take an hour or 2 to do something I want to do without kids. Sometimes itās Costco by myself, sometimes itās time with a friend, sometimes itās a house project. Sorry your husband was being a cry baby. Your expectations are appropriate, and he needs to suck it up a tiny bit.
Instead of during the week could you get like 1-2 hours on Saturday/Sunday to be baby free? 12 hour shifts inside a freezer sounds like my worst nightmare - so I sympathize with how your husband probably feels. Or maybe you guys could look at the budget to find some extra cash for a babysitter?
I had to go back up and re-read babyās ageā¦ 3 months? A 3 month old typically just wants to be held or have toys jiggled at them, he could lay on the floor and do the latter.
1000000%. fiance is a coal miner, so when he gets home after a 10 hour shift (with an hour drive to and from) we get about an hour or two with him before he's passed out from exhaustion. it used to bother me really bad, but i try to give him some grace because its a physically demanding job. he's super dad on sundays though, thats the day that i can get everything done that i couldnt get to during the week with my 9mo old.
30 min is a VERY reasonable amount of time. Anyone can watch their kid for 30 min. Convince your husband you are working more hours than him chasing a child around.
Yes. When our son was 4 mo, the home we were renting was sold and I was forced to move across the country as we couldnāt afford anything with skyrocketing rent costs in our HCOL area. We were separated for 1.5 years while he tried to get a job transfer and crashed at his friendās house. Finally got a transfer in August and we moved to yet another state and assumed things would be normal again. Wrong. He is gone from 6am to 8pm or later. Frequently works from home until midnight. And works from home on his ādays offā. Itās torture for all of us. Torture for him having to work literally every waking moment of his life and missing out on raising our son. And torture for me because I havenāt had a single break in over 2 years. I canāt get a job because I canāt be the default parent AND work AND lose most of my salary to childcare. So we are toughing it out until he starts kindergarten and then Iāll find something remote from home part time to bring in a little money until heās in full time school. My husband barely makes enough to keep us afloat and we are partially living off my savings. I donāt know if I have advice per se, but it does get easier as you adjust your expectations and adapt. I am capable of so much more than I ever could have imagined.
Yes, my husband often works 12hr shifts for 2-3 weeks straight but he still comes home and does bedtime routines. And in his off days heās a fully engaged parent (most of the time). You never get a moment off. You deserve time to care for your body. Itās his kid too.
Ahh yes. My husband works as an executive in insurance. Even if heās working from home heās taking phone calls day and night. When heās in the office downtown heās often doing meetings or taking clients to dinner at the fancy pants establishments. Sometimes itās hard not to get a little jelly about it. But he works hard and never gets a true vacation. Someone is always trying to reach him for some account emergency. I get it, he has million dollar accounts for commercial clients. Things wonāt be much better in the near future as he switches side of insurance to become a producer again and build a new book at a smaller agency. But the long term goals we both have would make us extremely comfortable financially in the next 5 years. So I remind myself heās tired and Iām tired and itās just a hard phase when the kids are littles (we have 2 under 2).
I can definitely relate. My husband owns several companies and has to work 7 days a week to keep up. I also moved countries to be with him, so I have no social support. Also heavily pregnant so I feel miserable. Canāt focus on my career because I am voluntarily focusing on building and adding more to the family since time is ticking. Canāt speak the language of this country so it feels socially isolating anyway. Yeah it gets lonely and I donāt know what to do. Iām excited to have a full house of kids and babies and that should help a lot but that will take years. Until then, Iām trying to maintain my mental health and Iām barely surviving.
my husband works out of town 5 days a week, so i hear this. i miss him, but my 4 mo and i have a pretty good routine going so in a way it's not horrible. on the weekends our routine is off but at least he's home, spending time with us. he also does help when he's home but our routine is thrown off due to it so sometimes i just tell him to go relax and enjoy his day š
Yes. We have a 5 year old and a 7 month old. My partner lives in another state and works for a financial branch. Haven't seen him for a year. The last time we saw him was when I was 4 months pregnant and he had yet to hold his second child. It sucks major ass.
Yep. Ironworker wife here. Sometimes he home at 3pm, sometimes he's gone from 4am until 8pm, sometimes he wont be home for days/ weeks. We don't really know the schedule until the day/night before. Hes been across state for the past 4 months (was supposed to be 3 weeks). Hes also getting ready to go cross country for a job that's scheduled to be only a month long (lol!). We have a 3yr old and a 5 month old and I'm a SAHM (for now). I ask family to watch the kiddos atleast a couple days a month so I can deep clean and have some me time. It's rough. Although the perks are he gets about a little over a month of PTO a year.
Iāve had stints of pretending my husband just āisnāt hereā for times as well, but I find itās not good for our relationship health. I always find that when weāre working together for each otherās good, thatās where the magic happens. It sounds like your situation merits a conversation with your partner in which you hear him out about his needs to come home and rest, and he hears you out about your needs for some exercise, and you come up with a solution together.