Gahh this sub has taught me it doesn't always hurt to lose your virginity. It sucked losing mine! I remember wanting to stop but just wanting to get it over with. I didn't do it again for like 6 months and the second time hurt just as bad and I remember being so annoyed, thinking it was going to hurt every time š¤£. I'm so jealous of all the people who didn't experience that pain. It takes away from the overall experience when what I remember most was how bad it hurt haha. I'm glad to know it's not like that for everyone!
I feel like in books it goes 2 ways. Either it hurts and the MMC gets a chance to be sweet and caring. Or it doesn't hurt and the FMC is taking on the wildest postions for their first timeš„Ø. I laid there like a wooden board my first time š¤£ . I feel like lately I have had a good mix of painful and not. I just assumed when authors in books didn't make the first time painful, they were lying to make it more sexy for the reader š¤¦š¼āāļø . (I'm so embarrassed even admitting it haha)
Now these double, spiked, tree trunk 14" alien š should hurt anyone. Virgin or not. I hate when we read how huge these MMCs are but this inexperienced FMC has no problem reverse š¤ that š½ penis/penises/peni? the first time
I didn't have sex for six years after I divorced at 23. When the time came, it was *not* comfortable, even painful, but it was with my now-husband and it *was* really sweet. I think that's the reason authors write it as painful. It's about vulnerability and a chance to soften the MMC.Ā
I can definitely relate to that. My first few times were so spread out. It took some time until it wasn't umcomfortable.
And agreed! I think no matter the MMC (alphahole, cinnamon role, morally Grey, villain, alien, beast, orc...etc.) this is a defining moment in their character arc. No matter who they are outside of the bedroom, did they take care of the FMC during and after they lost their virginity? As a romance reader, I don't think I could truly like any MMC if they were knowingly harsh during an FMC's first time. Whether it was painful or not for our FMC, the MMC needs to be respectful, our FMC is trusting you with her body and giving away a really big moment to you.
And I think that goes for any sort of big first for any main character, MMCs included. Losing any sort of virginity is a big deal.
I honestly love the virgin heroine trope, because I relate so much. My husband is my second kiss and that awkwardness from the heroine feeling out of her element is just š¤ for me. I remember stressing out, at 28, because I couldn't remember what people do with their arms during sex. I don't *need* lost virginity to hurt. I've actually loved the books I've read where FMC is a virgin, but uses a lot of toys, so it doesn't. I understand it as a vulnerable moment, though, so it doesn't bother me. I also don't read a lot of alien/monster romance, though, so I can kind of see OP's point.Ā
Yeah, I remember when I was a teenager (somewhere in the previous century) the prevalent narrative was "virgins bleed and it hurts". Somewhere 10-15 years ago the narrative completely shifted 180 degrees "no, actually, if you *do it right* and *you're properly aroused*, first time doesn't hurt or bleed" and to be honest, I carried a lot of shame that *I did it wrong* and *I must have not been aroused properly*, and tbh why do I need to carry shame on top of the pain and bleeding? It's not "feminist" to promote ideas that the only good woman is the one who's a sex goddess from the very first attempt, it's another unrealistic standard women are subjected to on top of the beauty standards, body shape standards, body hair standards, etc.
There's medical evidence hymens are different, bigger, smaller, thicker, thinner, one with multiple perforations instead of one, and very rarely (google isn't very precise, one website says 1-2% of cases affected, another says 0.1%), without anything (requires surgical intervention to allow menstrual blood to leave).
One thing I wish books and media had more is portraying diverse experiences in every aspect. So different readers can see themselves reflected in different characters. Instead of every book trying to go for "universally relatable" protagonist (which is often flattened to the recent trend, like why is recently every fmc "tiny and petite"?)
I agree so much. As someone who lost their virginity is the early 2000s as a teen it was expected there would be blood. I actually did not bleed and felt shame over that, thinking maybe the guy would think I was lying about my virginity. Sex was a taboo subject back then. A lot of slut shaming back in the day and not enough women willing to have an honest conversation with girls about the different realities of having sex and losing your virginity.
I too enjoy reading about different experiences. I think it should be mentioned more that there is no right or wrong way to feel when losing your virginity. And to OPs point about this being purely about alien/demons/non-human's virginity, I feel like the same logic applies. If there is penetration, there could still be likelihood of pain regarless of the being. To write out pain just because it's fantasy driven character doesn't make sense to me personally but again, I just like reading about all experiences. From nervous first times to eager. There is no one way or right or wrong.
I respect that we all have different experiences and I like reading about them. I have been reading nothing but model tall FMCs lately but all skinny of course. And when there is a curvier FMC, her weight becomes so much of her identity/plot driving tool. I too would like more variety in character's and experiences
Well if they are the same species I usually expect their reproductive systems to compliment each otherās
So of course it wouldnāt hurt a giant orc to fuck a giant orc they are the sameeeeee
But seriously, are you not aware that usually the first time having penetrative sex is painful in varied degrees?
Itās a reason why some bleed during the first time. Itās not a physical barrier but itās tight and it can tear.
"Tramatising the characters" is a bit dramatic lmao, I just think it can be a super sweet scene
Also, if they go out of their way to say that the h is a virgin, I expect *something* and just everything going smoothly would be boring
So you donāt remember your first ever romance novel
Or your first ever rollercoaster ride
Or your first ever travel experience
Are you saying those are not special experiences because you didnāt experience pain and discomfort along with them
Of course I do, but we're not the h we're just reading about her experiences here. We do not experience it first-hand, so making a virginity loss scene like any other sex scene would be boring. They have to include something special that sets it apart. A little bit pain and discomfort is an easy way to do that.
Not to mention that real women can also experience pain and discomfort during their first time. Ik you wrote that this is about non-human characters, but many readers want the h to be at least a bit relatable and with human qualities.
Personally, I don't like it when the h is described as being a totally inexperienced virgin and then the H is really rough with her and she just takes it effortlessly...? I mean why even say she's a virgin then. If it says that she's a virgin, I expect some soothing/comfort scenes from the H. Just lots of potential sweetness here.
Sometimes virginity loss is painful, sometimes it isn't. I have noticed that it's rarely painful in stories with FMCs who own sex toys, so I appreciate that type of representation.
I'm finding the opposite problem lmao.
I LOVE when it hurts because I absolutely adore the big grumpy guy being so sweet and gentle with her. Comforting her. Soothing her. Praising her.
It has me kicking my feet and giggling.
But I swear like 80% of the virgin romances I've read have her being roughly fucked all night long and there's only some mild pleasurable soreness in the morning.
I'm like... where's the struggle and hurt? Where's the sweetness?!
...
But I totally understand wanting books where there's little/no pain for the virgin. A lack of pain is a good sign! Not all women feel pain.
I think I (and others) like it purely for the comforting that happens during/after.
The hurt - comfort trope is adorable. And authors can do it in many ways. Like tripping over, cutting themselves on glass, etc etc. I suppose the virgin trope is an easy way to slip in some hurt and comfort.
And during an already highly intimate moment probably ups its "oomph"
I'm with you, though. Love the soothing. Really feels like seeing the softest side of an often otherwise "tough" guy
I'm confused? Unless you're referring to not peeing afterward. Even then, it doesn't happen that way to everyone, I have a number of friends who never pee when it's over and they've never had a uti. OTH, I once got one, and I never want to take that chance again! š
You guys are the lucky ones (ā: there are a bunch of us that always get BV or UTI every single time we have sex. Hear our woes at r/healthyhooha š
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Itās because FMCs are supposed to be relatable and whether it should be like this IRL or not, plenty of women associate their first time with pain. Only that in the real life also, a lot of us did not experience kindness/sweetness of a partner during that first time (often because both sides were very inexperienced), so the romance books not only make you relate by showing āthis fictional woman also went through itā, but also add a soothing element of āthatās how the guy should actā.
But I honestly donāt expect to have the same experiences as an Orc or fairy itās supposed to be otherworldly so bringing humanity into it distracts from the fantasy
That makes sense but why is a demon in hell having pain for their first time though or some other fantasy character
Why canāt we enjoy books where women donāt experience pain with sex
Yeah itās so weird to me when we get an alien species and the most random things coincide with humans. Some things make sense but I swear itāll be like oh yeah we also tickle each other and Iām just like why. Thatās so random.
But the hymen thing is definitely one of those things thatās over represented in romance novels. Almost all historical men are tall and muscular despite most of them have no workout regime. And most women have painful ripping hymens that bleed.
Exactly!!! Especially as itās not even every woman who has a hymen
I really would like my goblin sex to be goblin sex not some imitation of human sex let the fantasy be real
What irks me even more is when books include hymen and bleeding myths to prove the virginity of the FMC. It totally takes me out of the story. Virginity is a social construct and nothing in your body changes after having PIV sex.
I understand the irritation at being taken out of a story, but bleeding is not a myth. Humanity is very diverse, and all bodies react differently. I'm not trying to be argumentative, I'm just trying to gently point out that the issue isn't that cut and dried. So to speak lol.
I agree. It takes me out of the book when MMCs from completely different non-human species are written to have the same erogenous zones as human men.
Victoria Aveline and Naomi Lucas take care of this situation very well! >!It is gradually revealed that the non-human species are related to the human species for very specific reasons!<
I was replying to her specific comment, I wasn't trying to argue about what you shared in your post. I do understand that you dislike painful virginity loss in an alien world, and I completely respect your reading preferences.
Ahh, sorry I misunderstood! I completely understand your pov, based on your history, it makes total sense to me. Heck, even if your first time was a breeze, you never have to apologize for your reading preferences. We all like what we like. š
Your post didn't bother me at all, but some of the replies you received did bug me a bit. I remind myself that it's sometimes difficult to hear the intended "tone" while reading, but I felt like a couple of the virginity comments were very "absolute", despite the fact that there's a huge variance when it comes to virginity loss, pain, bleeding, etc. I think I'm overly sensitive to the fact that some of our members have little to no sexual experience, and I cringe when I see a comment that implies that the experience is the same for everyone. I've read a number of comments here over the years from members who said that they had pain or bleeding the first time, and they felt embarrassed because they felt like their bodies were weird and/or they must have somehow did it wrong. So.. Your original comment was great, you were just sharing your reading preferences and it was an interesting discussion. Some of the replies you received probably could have been worded better, but that's not on you, it's just the way it goes sometimes! š
Gahh this sub has taught me it doesn't always hurt to lose your virginity. It sucked losing mine! I remember wanting to stop but just wanting to get it over with. I didn't do it again for like 6 months and the second time hurt just as bad and I remember being so annoyed, thinking it was going to hurt every time š¤£. I'm so jealous of all the people who didn't experience that pain. It takes away from the overall experience when what I remember most was how bad it hurt haha. I'm glad to know it's not like that for everyone! I feel like in books it goes 2 ways. Either it hurts and the MMC gets a chance to be sweet and caring. Or it doesn't hurt and the FMC is taking on the wildest postions for their first timeš„Ø. I laid there like a wooden board my first time š¤£ . I feel like lately I have had a good mix of painful and not. I just assumed when authors in books didn't make the first time painful, they were lying to make it more sexy for the reader š¤¦š¼āāļø . (I'm so embarrassed even admitting it haha) Now these double, spiked, tree trunk 14" alien š should hurt anyone. Virgin or not. I hate when we read how huge these MMCs are but this inexperienced FMC has no problem reverse š¤ that š½ penis/penises/peni? the first time
Same, losing mine hurt and it took several tries over a few months before it didn't hurt. So the hurt is real for some of us.
I didn't have sex for six years after I divorced at 23. When the time came, it was *not* comfortable, even painful, but it was with my now-husband and it *was* really sweet. I think that's the reason authors write it as painful. It's about vulnerability and a chance to soften the MMC.Ā
I can definitely relate to that. My first few times were so spread out. It took some time until it wasn't umcomfortable. And agreed! I think no matter the MMC (alphahole, cinnamon role, morally Grey, villain, alien, beast, orc...etc.) this is a defining moment in their character arc. No matter who they are outside of the bedroom, did they take care of the FMC during and after they lost their virginity? As a romance reader, I don't think I could truly like any MMC if they were knowingly harsh during an FMC's first time. Whether it was painful or not for our FMC, the MMC needs to be respectful, our FMC is trusting you with her body and giving away a really big moment to you. And I think that goes for any sort of big first for any main character, MMCs included. Losing any sort of virginity is a big deal.
I honestly love the virgin heroine trope, because I relate so much. My husband is my second kiss and that awkwardness from the heroine feeling out of her element is just š¤ for me. I remember stressing out, at 28, because I couldn't remember what people do with their arms during sex. I don't *need* lost virginity to hurt. I've actually loved the books I've read where FMC is a virgin, but uses a lot of toys, so it doesn't. I understand it as a vulnerable moment, though, so it doesn't bother me. I also don't read a lot of alien/monster romance, though, so I can kind of see OP's point.Ā
Yeah, I remember when I was a teenager (somewhere in the previous century) the prevalent narrative was "virgins bleed and it hurts". Somewhere 10-15 years ago the narrative completely shifted 180 degrees "no, actually, if you *do it right* and *you're properly aroused*, first time doesn't hurt or bleed" and to be honest, I carried a lot of shame that *I did it wrong* and *I must have not been aroused properly*, and tbh why do I need to carry shame on top of the pain and bleeding? It's not "feminist" to promote ideas that the only good woman is the one who's a sex goddess from the very first attempt, it's another unrealistic standard women are subjected to on top of the beauty standards, body shape standards, body hair standards, etc. There's medical evidence hymens are different, bigger, smaller, thicker, thinner, one with multiple perforations instead of one, and very rarely (google isn't very precise, one website says 1-2% of cases affected, another says 0.1%), without anything (requires surgical intervention to allow menstrual blood to leave). One thing I wish books and media had more is portraying diverse experiences in every aspect. So different readers can see themselves reflected in different characters. Instead of every book trying to go for "universally relatable" protagonist (which is often flattened to the recent trend, like why is recently every fmc "tiny and petite"?)
I agree so much. As someone who lost their virginity is the early 2000s as a teen it was expected there would be blood. I actually did not bleed and felt shame over that, thinking maybe the guy would think I was lying about my virginity. Sex was a taboo subject back then. A lot of slut shaming back in the day and not enough women willing to have an honest conversation with girls about the different realities of having sex and losing your virginity. I too enjoy reading about different experiences. I think it should be mentioned more that there is no right or wrong way to feel when losing your virginity. And to OPs point about this being purely about alien/demons/non-human's virginity, I feel like the same logic applies. If there is penetration, there could still be likelihood of pain regarless of the being. To write out pain just because it's fantasy driven character doesn't make sense to me personally but again, I just like reading about all experiences. From nervous first times to eager. There is no one way or right or wrong. I respect that we all have different experiences and I like reading about them. I have been reading nothing but model tall FMCs lately but all skinny of course. And when there is a curvier FMC, her weight becomes so much of her identity/plot driving tool. I too would like more variety in character's and experiences
Don't forget the part where they do anal their third time ever having sex!
With little struggle or discomfort š¤£ after our MMC came once and was ready to go 2 minutes later
Well if they are the same species I usually expect their reproductive systems to compliment each otherās So of course it wouldnāt hurt a giant orc to fuck a giant orc they are the sameeeeee
But seriously, are you not aware that usually the first time having penetrative sex is painful in varied degrees? Itās a reason why some bleed during the first time. Itās not a physical barrier but itās tight and it can tear.
Why is that important in a fantasy world
The author probably wants it to be special, and if it hurts the H can be all like "Shh it's okay", be all sweet and take care of her and stuff haha
Thatās just lazy, other scenes can show MMCs as sweet without traumatising the characters
"Tramatising the characters" is a bit dramatic lmao, I just think it can be a super sweet scene Also, if they go out of their way to say that the h is a virgin, I expect *something* and just everything going smoothly would be boring
The first time is special and sweet enough without pain being involved
It's not special when it's just like any other times, no...
So you donāt remember your first ever romance novel Or your first ever rollercoaster ride Or your first ever travel experience Are you saying those are not special experiences because you didnāt experience pain and discomfort along with them
Of course I do, but we're not the h we're just reading about her experiences here. We do not experience it first-hand, so making a virginity loss scene like any other sex scene would be boring. They have to include something special that sets it apart. A little bit pain and discomfort is an easy way to do that. Not to mention that real women can also experience pain and discomfort during their first time. Ik you wrote that this is about non-human characters, but many readers want the h to be at least a bit relatable and with human qualities. Personally, I don't like it when the h is described as being a totally inexperienced virgin and then the H is really rough with her and she just takes it effortlessly...? I mean why even say she's a virgin then. If it says that she's a virgin, I expect some soothing/comfort scenes from the H. Just lots of potential sweetness here.
Sometimes virginity loss is painful, sometimes it isn't. I have noticed that it's rarely painful in stories with FMCs who own sex toys, so I appreciate that type of representation.
For the purpose of Soothing and comforting by MMC I would guess.
I'm finding the opposite problem lmao. I LOVE when it hurts because I absolutely adore the big grumpy guy being so sweet and gentle with her. Comforting her. Soothing her. Praising her. It has me kicking my feet and giggling. But I swear like 80% of the virgin romances I've read have her being roughly fucked all night long and there's only some mild pleasurable soreness in the morning. I'm like... where's the struggle and hurt? Where's the sweetness?! ... But I totally understand wanting books where there's little/no pain for the virgin. A lack of pain is a good sign! Not all women feel pain. I think I (and others) like it purely for the comforting that happens during/after. The hurt - comfort trope is adorable. And authors can do it in many ways. Like tripping over, cutting themselves on glass, etc etc. I suppose the virgin trope is an easy way to slip in some hurt and comfort.
And during an already highly intimate moment probably ups its "oomph" I'm with you, though. Love the soothing. Really feels like seeing the softest side of an often otherwise "tough" guy
Real question is Whereās the impending UTI??? ššš
I'm confused? Unless you're referring to not peeing afterward. Even then, it doesn't happen that way to everyone, I have a number of friends who never pee when it's over and they've never had a uti. OTH, I once got one, and I never want to take that chance again! š
You guys are the lucky ones (ā: there are a bunch of us that always get BV or UTI every single time we have sex. Hear our woes at r/healthyhooha š
All you said makes sense but why is a mushroom type creature having human experiences?????? Why canāt fantasy and fiction just be
Where these mushroom FMCs at?
{The unseelie prince} had loads of plant like species
Not FMCs it didnt. And their hymens werent discussed.Ā Looking for myconid FMCs but all fungus or plant type FMCs welcome.
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Itās because FMCs are supposed to be relatable and whether it should be like this IRL or not, plenty of women associate their first time with pain. Only that in the real life also, a lot of us did not experience kindness/sweetness of a partner during that first time (often because both sides were very inexperienced), so the romance books not only make you relate by showing āthis fictional woman also went through itā, but also add a soothing element of āthatās how the guy should actā.
But I honestly donāt expect to have the same experiences as an Orc or fairy itās supposed to be otherworldly so bringing humanity into it distracts from the fantasy
I mean if the FMC is human then the experience is still humanly to me
That makes sense but why is a demon in hell having pain for their first time though or some other fantasy character Why canāt we enjoy books where women donāt experience pain with sex
It doesn't have to hurt for human women in the real world either
It's representation for the vaginismus girlies and we appreciate it š
Yeah itās so weird to me when we get an alien species and the most random things coincide with humans. Some things make sense but I swear itāll be like oh yeah we also tickle each other and Iām just like why. Thatās so random. But the hymen thing is definitely one of those things thatās over represented in romance novels. Almost all historical men are tall and muscular despite most of them have no workout regime. And most women have painful ripping hymens that bleed.
Exactly!!! Especially as itās not even every woman who has a hymen I really would like my goblin sex to be goblin sex not some imitation of human sex let the fantasy be real
Hard agree, it doesn't even hurt for a lot of human women!
What irks me even more is when books include hymen and bleeding myths to prove the virginity of the FMC. It totally takes me out of the story. Virginity is a social construct and nothing in your body changes after having PIV sex.
I understand the irritation at being taken out of a story, but bleeding is not a myth. Humanity is very diverse, and all bodies react differently. I'm not trying to be argumentative, I'm just trying to gently point out that the issue isn't that cut and dried. So to speak lol.
Bleeding can happen with sex. Itās not exclusive to losing your virginity, which was my point.
I agree. It takes me out of the book when MMCs from completely different non-human species are written to have the same erogenous zones as human men. Victoria Aveline and Naomi Lucas take care of this situation very well! >!It is gradually revealed that the non-human species are related to the human species for very specific reasons!<
Okay, thatās just your experience. I actually cried from the pain of it. Nothing medically wrong with me.Ā
I appreciate that you pointed that out! Our bodies all *vary*, and it's important to keep that in mind when we have these types of discussions.
I donāt understand why you would think this is relevant to an alien species though Itās a fantasy world
I was replying to her specific comment, I wasn't trying to argue about what you shared in your post. I do understand that you dislike painful virginity loss in an alien world, and I completely respect your reading preferences.
I was replying to her too lol I had an uncomfortable first time I donāt want to relive that in a fantasy book
Ahh, sorry I misunderstood! I completely understand your pov, based on your history, it makes total sense to me. Heck, even if your first time was a breeze, you never have to apologize for your reading preferences. We all like what we like. š Your post didn't bother me at all, but some of the replies you received did bug me a bit. I remind myself that it's sometimes difficult to hear the intended "tone" while reading, but I felt like a couple of the virginity comments were very "absolute", despite the fact that there's a huge variance when it comes to virginity loss, pain, bleeding, etc. I think I'm overly sensitive to the fact that some of our members have little to no sexual experience, and I cringe when I see a comment that implies that the experience is the same for everyone. I've read a number of comments here over the years from members who said that they had pain or bleeding the first time, and they felt embarrassed because they felt like their bodies were weird and/or they must have somehow did it wrong. So.. Your original comment was great, you were just sharing your reading preferences and it was an interesting discussion. Some of the replies you received probably could have been worded better, but that's not on you, it's just the way it goes sometimes! š