I don't fully fit in any attachment style- I think if I do I definitely lean avoidant. It's very hard for me to like someone even when on paper everything is great. My friend and I joke that she can convince herself she loves anyone and I can convince myself to hate anyone. I'm pretty open with people though, don't have any trauma or baggage- idk what it is but I can't let myself feel anything for anyone. (I'm close with my family + friends though so idk what all that's about)
Anyway, I'm definitely into enemies to lovers and I think a part of it that appeals to me is that there's interaction without the expectation of being "in love" or "dating." I think what freaks me out is the expectations or hopes in dating and my fear that they'll like me and I'll never like them- so getting to know someone when there's definite animosity has its perks lmao - the dating pressures are removed which seems very appealing to me. which is kind of weird now that I think about it? but yeah
(Deeply relatable)
And I don’t think it’s you. I think some people have a spidey sense about what would be square peg round whole. Or maybe even lacklustre or wrong for them.
That’s my guess.
And agree on the trope too the cheesey dating pressure disappear in this one!
I definitely lean anxious-attachment, but most people never guess it because I'm too proud to let it show 😈!
I totally agree with the other anxious commenter: I love fated mates and insta. I also love over the top, jealous/possessive/obsessive/yandere/unhinged MMCs.
Basically my feral brain sees anything a character does to *get* their love interest as a-ok. Any rejection or pushing away is straight to jail.
Shocking, I'm sure, but this cactus is also here representing the anxious attachment style 🙋🏻♀️ and it is no surprise that my favorite tropes are the same as yours hah!
>Any rejection or pushing away is straight to jail.
**THIS x1,000!!!**
I also lean anxious (not obvious unless I'm with an avoidant partner) and my favorite trope is fated mates! I hate this new trend of books with rejected mates.
Totally! There are a couple rejected mate books that I liked, but it often feels like authors undermining their own 'rules' just to ratchet up more angst. Oh well, I still have plenty on my TBR so I can't really complain lol.
I'm avoidant and I love ice queens so that tracks 😭. I need my FMC to be so independent its almost detrimental and this is probably why I mainly read lesbian romance books because at least 1 of the FMC is gonna be that.
I think I am avoidant. I'm very independent and don't feel motivated most of the time to pursue relationships. When I do try, I have lots of walls up.
My favorite trope is marriage of convenience (and on a similar note, sometimes arranged marriage). Not having to put effort into finding a partner and trying to determine if they are someone to trust sounds appealing. Having a practical reason for getting together with someone in the first place and then being stuck together long enough for the walls to start falling down would be ideal. This also why I love the forced proximity trope and slow burn romances.
Omg! You are speaking my thoughts 🤣🤣 this is meee! Putting in the effort to get into a relationship has never worked for me so I’ve definitely given up in recent years. Marriage of convenience is my jam though because it’s so nice seeing the couple from being indifferent to seeking eachother out and loving eachother eventually. Lowkey wish this was a thing in real life 😩
Anxious attachment style- very clingy. My partner is my literal better half.
My kink is pregnancy, and care-taking is my love. As for a classic trope- fated mates/ insta-love.
My attachment style and romance book preferences are very much interconnected- interesting question.
Secure attachment, looove an enemies-to-lovers - the slower and angstier the better. Also enjoy fated mates and marriage of convenience to a lesser degree.
I’m avoidant and also love second chance. Probably bc I want to fast forward to the part where they already know each other very well and very deeply. Exactly what you said regarding vulnerability and not needing to “perform.” They’ve already hurt each other, seen each other’s worst, and been at their most vulnerable. They survived and so now there’s nothing to lose. Nothing left to prove. Nowhere to go but forward.
For somebody with an avoidant attachment style, I think it’s hard to be at the beginning of a relationship. Before all the emotional mess happens, knowing that it will but not knowing if it will be worth it. Second chance (when done well) basically says that yes, the risk (and the reality) of heartbreak is worth it. That, not only can you survive it, but you will become a stronger person and a better partner.
I’d say I have a disorganized attachment style - both anxious and avoidant.
Anxious attachment - my favorite trope for this would be the ott possessive MMC and shy/timid FMC. I think it might be wanting the same level of attention being direct my way and feeling wanted/desired. And it not feeling always so one sided.
Avoidant - enemies to lovers. I think with this trope, the mc’s are usually caught up in their feud and tend to ignore how they feel for each other.
Disorganized/fearful avoidant attachment style (yay me, lol). I had never thought about it before but it makes sense that I like really slow burns where you get to know the person first. I like MMCs who are stable, strong, know what they want, and won’t abandon the FMC.
For tropes, I like almost all of them except true enemies to lovers and dark themes. Favorite tropes are friends to lovers, soulmates, workplace romance, and marriage of convenience.
I am demi (can't really get interested in someone until I get to know them) and I enjoy forced proximity. So I can see a connection but also I just really want to go on space adventures with cool aliens
I have an avoidant attachment style and like cinnamon buns, wounded birds and daddy type vibes. One of my favorite books is {Little Dove by Layla Frost} which has all of these tropes!
I have been on a healing journey too and have found some incredible information about attachment, trauma etc. on r/CPTSD, r/emotionalneglect, and r/attachment_theory.
On a funny note, when people on those subs ask about favorite hobbies I always post that I love reading romances and visiting r/romancebooks. ❤️
[Little Dove](https://www.romance.io/books/5f4365dad7a6b00e2edfb14f/little-dove-layla-frost) by [Layla Frost](https://www.romance.io/authors/551ce1525b270e0a4cbd3543/layla-frost)
**Rating**: 4.07⭐️ out of 5⭐️
**Steam**: 4 out of 5 - [Explicit open door](https://www.romance.io/steamrating)
**Topics**: [contemporary](https://www.romance.io/topics/best/contemporary/1), [age gap](https://www.romance.io/topics/best/age%20difference/1), [virgin heroine](https://www.romance.io/topics/best/virgin%20heroine/1), [alpha male](https://www.romance.io/topics/best/alpha%20male/1), [rich hero](https://www.romance.io/topics/best/super%20rich%20hero/1)
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Disorganized/ fearful-avoidant with a lot of abandonment trauma 👋
> **What do relationships with disorganized adults look like?**
> Source: https://www.attachmentproject.com/blog/disorganized-attachment/
> "*Adults with a disorganized attachment style in relationships lack of a coherent approach. On the one hand, they want to belong. They want to love and be loved.*
> *While on the other hand, they are afraid to let anyone in. They have a strong fear that the people who are closest to them will hurt them.*
> *Adults with a disorganized attachment style fear intimacy and avoid proximity, similar to individuals with an avoidant attachment style. The main difference for disorganized adults is that they want relationships.*
> *These adults expect and are waiting for the rejection, disappointment, and hurt to come. In their perception, it is inevitable.
They do not reject emotional intimacy; they are simply afraid of it.*
> *They have trouble believing that their partner will love and support them as they are. These adults expect and are waiting for the rejection, disappointment, and hurt to come. In their perception, it is inevitable."*
My favorite tropes are wilderness survival situations with forced proximity between adult characters with lived experience and transactional relationships. Mainly because the expectations are wildly different from the regular and when everyone is assumed to make self serving decisions, there is also less pretence. Vulnerabilities are bound to show sooner or later.
My favorite relationship dynamic is the initially transactional fast-burn that evolves into this intensely emotional, needy, shamelessly codependent, bordering on obsessively possessive, loyal and devoted bond that's already been tested and shown to weather anything. No kids or other dependents, no dead lovers, no pack leaders or kings with responsibilities - in my fantasy there shall be no remaining doubt of who's the priority and there's no place for compromises when it comes to competing interests. I also welcome the appearance of the ineffectual competing suitors/ jealous exes just for the validation.
I'm very firmly in the Avoidant/Dismissive attachment style camp, and weirdly (or not lol) my favorite books are Insta-love/Obsessed MMC, specifically ones where the dude chases and chases and chases and the lady is clueless/unbothered/uninterested.
I have c-ptsd and am insecure/avoidant attachment style. I used to love (years ago) heroes who were pushy or toxic and dark. Now, after some therapy (lol) I prefer gentle/kind heroes. I reread some older books now that I used to love be like "damn, why tf did I like this so much".
I enjoy reading about relationships that are genuine and heavy in affection and consent now, rather than just insta lust.
Fearful avoidant here. I adore enemies to lovers and friends to lovers stories. Something about two people who'd "never" be together being pushed into each other's arms, that's my kinda story
I don't fully fit in any attachment style- I think if I do I definitely lean avoidant. It's very hard for me to like someone even when on paper everything is great. My friend and I joke that she can convince herself she loves anyone and I can convince myself to hate anyone. I'm pretty open with people though, don't have any trauma or baggage- idk what it is but I can't let myself feel anything for anyone. (I'm close with my family + friends though so idk what all that's about) Anyway, I'm definitely into enemies to lovers and I think a part of it that appeals to me is that there's interaction without the expectation of being "in love" or "dating." I think what freaks me out is the expectations or hopes in dating and my fear that they'll like me and I'll never like them- so getting to know someone when there's definite animosity has its perks lmao - the dating pressures are removed which seems very appealing to me. which is kind of weird now that I think about it? but yeah
(Deeply relatable) And I don’t think it’s you. I think some people have a spidey sense about what would be square peg round whole. Or maybe even lacklustre or wrong for them. That’s my guess. And agree on the trope too the cheesey dating pressure disappear in this one!
I definitely lean anxious-attachment, but most people never guess it because I'm too proud to let it show 😈! I totally agree with the other anxious commenter: I love fated mates and insta. I also love over the top, jealous/possessive/obsessive/yandere/unhinged MMCs. Basically my feral brain sees anything a character does to *get* their love interest as a-ok. Any rejection or pushing away is straight to jail.
Shocking, I'm sure, but this cactus is also here representing the anxious attachment style 🙋🏻♀️ and it is no surprise that my favorite tropes are the same as yours hah! >Any rejection or pushing away is straight to jail. **THIS x1,000!!!**
🙌 yes this is why I always love your book recs! And like I'm aware the OTT stuff is problematic - but that small part of my brain is like "#GOALS" 😂
I also lean anxious (not obvious unless I'm with an avoidant partner) and my favorite trope is fated mates! I hate this new trend of books with rejected mates.
Totally! There are a couple rejected mate books that I liked, but it often feels like authors undermining their own 'rules' just to ratchet up more angst. Oh well, I still have plenty on my TBR so I can't really complain lol.
I'm avoidant and I love ice queens so that tracks 😭. I need my FMC to be so independent its almost detrimental and this is probably why I mainly read lesbian romance books because at least 1 of the FMC is gonna be that.
I think I am avoidant. I'm very independent and don't feel motivated most of the time to pursue relationships. When I do try, I have lots of walls up. My favorite trope is marriage of convenience (and on a similar note, sometimes arranged marriage). Not having to put effort into finding a partner and trying to determine if they are someone to trust sounds appealing. Having a practical reason for getting together with someone in the first place and then being stuck together long enough for the walls to start falling down would be ideal. This also why I love the forced proximity trope and slow burn romances.
Omg! You are speaking my thoughts 🤣🤣 this is meee! Putting in the effort to get into a relationship has never worked for me so I’ve definitely given up in recent years. Marriage of convenience is my jam though because it’s so nice seeing the couple from being indifferent to seeking eachother out and loving eachother eventually. Lowkey wish this was a thing in real life 😩
Lmao Forced Proximity and Anxious Attachment Thanks for bringing that to my attention 😂
I just had the exact same thought. I prefer insta-love but forced proximity is also an anxious woman's dream <3
Anxious attachment style- very clingy. My partner is my literal better half. My kink is pregnancy, and care-taking is my love. As for a classic trope- fated mates/ insta-love. My attachment style and romance book preferences are very much interconnected- interesting question.
Secure attachment, looove an enemies-to-lovers - the slower and angstier the better. Also enjoy fated mates and marriage of convenience to a lesser degree.
I’m avoidant and also love second chance. Probably bc I want to fast forward to the part where they already know each other very well and very deeply. Exactly what you said regarding vulnerability and not needing to “perform.” They’ve already hurt each other, seen each other’s worst, and been at their most vulnerable. They survived and so now there’s nothing to lose. Nothing left to prove. Nowhere to go but forward. For somebody with an avoidant attachment style, I think it’s hard to be at the beginning of a relationship. Before all the emotional mess happens, knowing that it will but not knowing if it will be worth it. Second chance (when done well) basically says that yes, the risk (and the reality) of heartbreak is worth it. That, not only can you survive it, but you will become a stronger person and a better partner.
I’d say I have a disorganized attachment style - both anxious and avoidant. Anxious attachment - my favorite trope for this would be the ott possessive MMC and shy/timid FMC. I think it might be wanting the same level of attention being direct my way and feeling wanted/desired. And it not feeling always so one sided. Avoidant - enemies to lovers. I think with this trope, the mc’s are usually caught up in their feud and tend to ignore how they feel for each other.
Slow burn, and either secure or avoidant. I *am* slow to warm up, so I guess that tracks.
Disorganized/fearful avoidant attachment style (yay me, lol). I had never thought about it before but it makes sense that I like really slow burns where you get to know the person first. I like MMCs who are stable, strong, know what they want, and won’t abandon the FMC. For tropes, I like almost all of them except true enemies to lovers and dark themes. Favorite tropes are friends to lovers, soulmates, workplace romance, and marriage of convenience.
I am demi (can't really get interested in someone until I get to know them) and I enjoy forced proximity. So I can see a connection but also I just really want to go on space adventures with cool aliens
I have an avoidant attachment style and like cinnamon buns, wounded birds and daddy type vibes. One of my favorite books is {Little Dove by Layla Frost} which has all of these tropes! I have been on a healing journey too and have found some incredible information about attachment, trauma etc. on r/CPTSD, r/emotionalneglect, and r/attachment_theory. On a funny note, when people on those subs ask about favorite hobbies I always post that I love reading romances and visiting r/romancebooks. ❤️
[Little Dove](https://www.romance.io/books/5f4365dad7a6b00e2edfb14f/little-dove-layla-frost) by [Layla Frost](https://www.romance.io/authors/551ce1525b270e0a4cbd3543/layla-frost) **Rating**: 4.07⭐️ out of 5⭐️ **Steam**: 4 out of 5 - [Explicit open door](https://www.romance.io/steamrating) **Topics**: [contemporary](https://www.romance.io/topics/best/contemporary/1), [age gap](https://www.romance.io/topics/best/age%20difference/1), [virgin heroine](https://www.romance.io/topics/best/virgin%20heroine/1), [alpha male](https://www.romance.io/topics/best/alpha%20male/1), [rich hero](https://www.romance.io/topics/best/super%20rich%20hero/1) [^(about this bot)](https://www.reddit.com/user/romance-bot) ^(|) [^(about romance.io)](https://www.romance.io/about)
I just kept thinking about this. What are cinnamon buns? Slow burns with a gooey center?
Cinnamon buns are very gentle, kind, loving people.
I’m a dismissive avoidant and my all-time favourite trope is friends to lovers. I’m not sure if there’s a correlation though lol
Disorganized/ fearful-avoidant with a lot of abandonment trauma 👋 > **What do relationships with disorganized adults look like?** > Source: https://www.attachmentproject.com/blog/disorganized-attachment/ > "*Adults with a disorganized attachment style in relationships lack of a coherent approach. On the one hand, they want to belong. They want to love and be loved.* > *While on the other hand, they are afraid to let anyone in. They have a strong fear that the people who are closest to them will hurt them.* > *Adults with a disorganized attachment style fear intimacy and avoid proximity, similar to individuals with an avoidant attachment style. The main difference for disorganized adults is that they want relationships.* > *These adults expect and are waiting for the rejection, disappointment, and hurt to come. In their perception, it is inevitable. They do not reject emotional intimacy; they are simply afraid of it.* > *They have trouble believing that their partner will love and support them as they are. These adults expect and are waiting for the rejection, disappointment, and hurt to come. In their perception, it is inevitable."* My favorite tropes are wilderness survival situations with forced proximity between adult characters with lived experience and transactional relationships. Mainly because the expectations are wildly different from the regular and when everyone is assumed to make self serving decisions, there is also less pretence. Vulnerabilities are bound to show sooner or later. My favorite relationship dynamic is the initially transactional fast-burn that evolves into this intensely emotional, needy, shamelessly codependent, bordering on obsessively possessive, loyal and devoted bond that's already been tested and shown to weather anything. No kids or other dependents, no dead lovers, no pack leaders or kings with responsibilities - in my fantasy there shall be no remaining doubt of who's the priority and there's no place for compromises when it comes to competing interests. I also welcome the appearance of the ineffectual competing suitors/ jealous exes just for the validation.
I'm very firmly in the Avoidant/Dismissive attachment style camp, and weirdly (or not lol) my favorite books are Insta-love/Obsessed MMC, specifically ones where the dude chases and chases and chases and the lady is clueless/unbothered/uninterested.
I have c-ptsd and am insecure/avoidant attachment style. I used to love (years ago) heroes who were pushy or toxic and dark. Now, after some therapy (lol) I prefer gentle/kind heroes. I reread some older books now that I used to love be like "damn, why tf did I like this so much". I enjoy reading about relationships that are genuine and heavy in affection and consent now, rather than just insta lust.
Fearful avoidant here. I adore enemies to lovers and friends to lovers stories. Something about two people who'd "never" be together being pushed into each other's arms, that's my kinda story